GETTING OVER A BREAKUP

HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR

BREAKUP FAST

By Ben Baker
© 2016, All Rights Reserved

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

2
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL? ............................................................................. 9

5 STAGES OF HEALING ......................................................................................................................... 10

8 TIME FACTORS OF HEALING ........................................................................................................... 11

HOW WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP? .............................................................................................. 12
HOW LONG YOU WERE TOGETHER? ......................................................................................... 17

HOW STRONG YOU ARE? .............................................................................................................. 18

CAN YOU ACCEPT THE BREAKUP? ............................................................................................. 19

ARE YOU AN ADDICTIVE PERSON?............................................................................................. 20

CAN YOU CUT CONTACT WITH THEM? .................................................................................... 21

WILL YOU MAINTAIN YOUR HEALTH? ....................................................................................... 22

WILL YOU DRAG THIS OUT?.......................................................................................................... 22

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY ....................................................................... 26

WHAT ARE THESE STAGES? ................................................................................................................. 26

DENIAL ................................................................................................................................................. 27
ANGER .................................................................................................................................................. 28

SADNESS .............................................................................................................................................. 29

ACCEPTANCE ..................................................................................................................................... 29

MORE ABOUT THESE STAGES............................................................................................................. 30

WE ALL EXPERIENCE IT DIFFERENTLY ........................................................................................ 30

WE DON’T FEEL THEM IN ORDER ................................................................................................ 30

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE .................................................... 32

WHY BREAKUPS ARE SO PAINFUL .................................................................................................... 32

IT’S OFTEN UNEXPECTED ............................................................................................................... 33

HUMANS RESIST CHANGE ............................................................................................................. 33

YOU’VE LOST MORE THAN YOUR EX ......................................................................................... 34

YOU LOSE YOUR IDENTITY ............................................................................................................ 36

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

3
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

HOW TO GET CLOSURE ........................................................................................................................ 37

YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET IT FROM YOUR EX........................................................................... 37

WRITE BREAKUP LETTER ................................................................................................................. 38

WHAT IS REAL CLOSURE?............................................................................................................... 39

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL ................................................................. 41

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP ............................................................................................... 42

WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP ............................................................................................................... 43

READ THIS EVERY MORNING ........................................................................................................ 43

MORNING ACTIVITIES ........................................................................................................................... 46

WALKING MEDITATION .................................................................................................................. 47

STRETCHING EXERCISES ................................................................................................................. 47

WHY YOU CAN SKIP THIS RITUAL ..................................................................................................... 51

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT ............................................................... 52

THE PARADOX OF THINKING POSITIVELY ..................................................................................... 52

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ..................................................................................... 54

FINDING POSITIVE THOUGHTS.................................................................................................... 55

THINKING AND THOUGHTS ............................................................................................................... 55

HOW TO HANDLE YOUR BAD THOUGHTS .............................................................................. 56

WHAT CAUSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS .............................................................................................. 58

OLD PHOTOS OF YOUR EX ............................................................................................................ 60

DRINKING AND DRUGS.................................................................................................................. 61

POSITIVE DISTRACTIONS ..................................................................................................................... 62

EXERCISE .............................................................................................................................................. 62

GIVE YOURSELF A COLD SHOCK ................................................................................................. 63

IN CONCLUSION ..................................................................................................................................... 64

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST .......................................................... 66

HALTING YOUR REGRET ....................................................................................................................... 66

STOP ASKING YOURSELF................................................................................................................ 67

THE CYCLE OF REGRET.................................................................................................................... 68

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

4
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

WHAT IF YOU CAN’T FORGET? .......................................................................................................... 69

HOW REGRET SLOWS YOUR RECOVERY ................................................................................... 70

STAY IN THE PRESENT ..................................................................................................................... 71

ACCEPTING YOUR REGRET ............................................................................................................ 72

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK .................................................... 74

HEALING IS A PROCESS ........................................................................................................................ 74

3 THINGS TO REMEMBER .................................................................................................................... 76

THIS PAIN IS NOT PERMANENT ................................................................................................... 76

IT’S OKAY TO BOUNCE BACK ....................................................................................................... 76

PROGRESS IS THE KEY ..................................................................................................................... 77

WORK ON THESE .................................................................................................................................... 79

FINDING HUMAN CONTACT ........................................................................................................ 80

TAKING CARE OF YOUR HEALTH ................................................................................................ 80

MEET NEW PEOPLE .......................................................................................................................... 82

IN CONCLUSION ..................................................................................................................................... 83

CHAPTER 08: SEX AFTER THE BREAKUP ......................................................................... 85

THINGS TO CONSIDER ABOUT SEX .................................................................................................. 86

DO IT JUST FOR YOU ....................................................................................................................... 86

SEX WILL REMIND YOU OF YOUR EX ......................................................................................... 86

THERE MAY BE NO CHEMISTRY.................................................................................................... 87

WHEN SEX IS WRONG FOR YOU ................................................................................................. 88

SEXUAL HEALTH ................................................................................................................................ 89

A PERSONAL STORY OF MINE............................................................................................................ 89

CHAPTER 09 EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER ......................................................................... 92

HOW FOOD AFFECTS YOUR MOOD ................................................................................................ 92

7 RECOVERY FOODS ........................................................................................................................ 93

THINGS TO AVOID ........................................................................................................................... 95

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST ................................................................. 97

YOU NEED TO STOP .............................................................................................................................. 97

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

5
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

FEELING BAD FOR BEING SAD...................................................................................................... 97

HOLDING ON TO YOUR REGRET ................................................................................................. 99

LOOKING FOR PITY .......................................................................................................................... 99

KEEPING CONTACT WITH YOUR EX .........................................................................................100

MEDICATING WITH DRINK AND DRUGS ................................................................................100

EATING JUNK FOOD ......................................................................................................................101

BEING A COUCH POTATO ...........................................................................................................101

STALKING YOUR EX .......................................................................................................................102

AVOIDING THERAPY ......................................................................................................................103

BOTTLING UP YOUR THOUGHTS ..............................................................................................103

TRYING TO PLEASE YOUR EX ......................................................................................................103

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS ............................................................................ 104

HOW TO LIVE WITH CERTAINTY ......................................................................................................104

WE NEVER OWN ANYTHING ......................................................................................................105

WE NEVER OWN ANYONE ..........................................................................................................106

A NEW AND HAPPIER REALITY ........................................................................................................107

POSSESSION IS AN ILLUSION .....................................................................................................108

PROGRESS EQUALS HAPPINESS .................................................................................................109

COMPARING HAPPY AND SAD PEOPLE........................................................................................109

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE SAD ...............................................................................110

HOW TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE .......................................................................................................111

THE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE .......................................................................................................112

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE FORMULA .......................................................................................113

IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD SOMETIMES ............................................................................................113

HOW MUCH DO YOU LIVE? ..............................................................................................................113

YOUR PAST 7 DAYS ........................................................................................................................114

QUICK TIPS FOR HAPPINESS.............................................................................................................115

EXERCISE ............................................................................................................................................115

FORCE A SMILE ................................................................................................................................115

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

6
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE ................................................................................................................116

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?........................................................... 117

ALL THAT MATTER IS HOW YOU FEEL ...........................................................................................117

WORLD’S MOST ADVANCED MACHINE .......................................................................................118

IT DOESN’T RUN YOUR HAPPINESS .........................................................................................119

FINDING HAPPINESS ...........................................................................................................................119

WHEN YOU WAKE UP ...................................................................................................................120

YOUR BRAIN HAS TWO PILOTS .................................................................................................121

BEING GRATEFUL EXERCISES ............................................................................................................122

EXERCISE 1 ........................................................................................................................................122

EXERCISE 2 ........................................................................................................................................123

REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE .........................................................................................................124

CHAPTER 13 A LUXURY PROBLEM ................................................................................ 126

WHAT IS A LUXURY PROBLEM? .......................................................................................................126

EXAMPLE 1 ........................................................................................................................................127

EXAMPLE 2 ........................................................................................................................................128

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS ...........................................................................................130

6 FACTORS OF HAPPINESS................................................................................................................131

YOUR HABITS ...................................................................................................................................132

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ..................................................................................................................132

YOUR HEALTH .................................................................................................................................133

YOUR FINANCES .............................................................................................................................133

YOUR JOB ..........................................................................................................................................134

YOUR PASTIMES ..............................................................................................................................134

SPIRITUALITY ..........................................................................................................................................135

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT ................................................................................... 136

A PERSONAL STORY OF MINE..........................................................................................................136

IT BECAME AN ADDICTION .........................................................................................................137

I’M NOT ADVOCATING .................................................................................................................138

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

7
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: TABLE OF CONTENTS

DO YOU THINK YOUR AN ACCIDENT? ..........................................................................................139

EVERYTHING IS ON TRACK..........................................................................................................140
DON’T MAKE THINGS HARDER........................................................................................................141

HAVE FAITH YOU’LL BE OKAY ....................................................................................................142

CONCLUSION: WHERE TO GO FROM HERE ................................................................... 143

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

8
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

CHAPTER 01:

HOW LONG TILL I HEAL?

This is one of the most commonly asked questions everyone

going through a breakup wants to know the answer to. I am pretty

sure you can’t wait to hear it either. And the question is…

“How long is it gonna take? How long till I heal and move on
completely?”

For a few obvious reasons, there is no one answer for

everyone. However, the relative truth is that your sadness will

begin to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you will start moving

on.

It’s not going to follow a pattern at first. One day you might

wake up feeling good, yet the next morning you’ll wake up feeling

worse.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

9
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

One step forward, two steps back. Then two steps forward,
one step back.

How long is this going to go on for? well I have five words for
you! It…..is…..up…..to…..you!

5 STAGES OF HEALING

Take a look at the diagram below.

Basically you have to go through all these shields.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

10
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

First your situation is critical. The pain is beyond

understanding. The good news is you have already moved on from

that point.

How do I know that? Well, you are reading this book. You

have enough energy and focus to read this book. So I am really

happy for you because unlike what it may feel like, you are already
making progress.

Then there is, extreme pain. You’re probably here right now.
Most people who read this book are here. These are not good

days.

After that you feel less and less pain, until you have painless
days. Where time passes without you feeling any pain at all.

This is the easiest way to explain it really. You see, as time

goes by, your pain gets less and less as well.

8 TIME FACTORS OF HEALING

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

11
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

There are eight major variables that directly affect the length
of your healing time. I’ll go through them quickly but the last one

is the one that’s going to make all the difference. So make sure

you read this to the end very carefully.

HOW WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Okay the first thing. This is one is so prime. Ask yourself…

How was your relationship?

How do you see your relationship?

How big of a loss was the breakup for you?

Do you think that relationship was the best thing that ever
happened to you?

Do you think you’re never going to find something like that

ever again?

Some people think like that, while others think about it

completely differently. They think…

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

12
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

“It’s over, now there’s room for someone else. I’ve really had
enough fights, arguments or abusive. I don’t want that relationship

anymore.”

Look, I take it that your relationship meant a great deal to

you and you miss your ex very much. If you do feel that way, I want

you to think about this.

You’re hurting because you have associated good emotions

to your relationship. You probably felt some wonderful things in

that relationship that you’d never felt before.

Security, safety, support, love, a future together, a great

presence, amazing past, good memories. Do you see what all these

items have in common?

They’re all good things.

Love, support, safety, security, a future, memories. Those

things are not what I want you to think about. We don’t want that!
We have one goal here. To stop your pain!

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

13
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

I want you to seriously think about it. We are going to

change your associations. That is the fastest and the most effective

way we can stop your pain.

See after your separation, your mind builds a wall between

you and your reality. That’s why some quotes get very famous. For

example,

“After breakup you can't see things for what they really are”

You see this wall?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

14
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

What do you think is behind this wall?

It’s what your relationship was really like. This is what your

mind does after breakup. It puts up a barrier in your mind to block

out the bad memories you had about your breakup. What I want

you to do is see behind this wall and consciously think about the
flaws of your relationship.

Remember this wall is a reaction from your subconscious, to

close your eyes to reality. That’s how we work. We are drawn to

what we can’t have any more. It’s very common that people like us

want things we cannot have.

Worse than that we sometimes put somebody on pedestal.

We don’t know why we do it. How come somebody who is

absolutely normal and average to other people, suddenly becomes

very special to us?

The brain creates an unfairly perfect imaginary character out

of your ex. And this is why the techniques I show you in this book

actually work.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

15
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

Because by changing your perception, your definition and

the meaning of that relationship, the way you feel instantly

changes.

I want to say that one more time.

By changing your perception, your definition and

meaning of that relationship, the way you feel instantly

changes.

Look, there were issues in your relationship, that why things

ended. These problems were obvious during the relationship but

after the breakup we tend to magically forget just how significant

these problems were at the time.

I want you to try this for me. I want you to try to remember

things for what they really were when you guys were together.

This block is so powerful. See beyond it. At first maybe

nothing negative about your relationship comes to mind. But after

you think about for some time you start to see things.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

16
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

Look this is probably the only time that I want you to focus
on something negative.

Fights, arguments, jealousy, bad temper, infidelity. Breakups

hurt because we avoid reality. If the relationship was perfect and

everything was beautiful, it wouldn’t have ended!

The more you can see things for what they really are, the

faster you heal and recover. So break the wall between you and

reality, see things for what they really are. Think About it.

Remember our goal is to get you to heal and recover faster.

And like I said this probably the only place I am going to ask you

to focus on the negative. There were flaws in your relationship,

that's why it ended.

HOW LONG YOU WERE TOGETHER?

Now the next thing that directly affects your healing period is
the time you’ve been together. How long you been together? The

more time you spend with someone, the harder it would be to

leave them.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

17
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

Beside the fact that we are resistance to change our identities

get mixed together in long term relationships. After a few years

of living together, most people won’t have an identity as an

individual anymore.

It is very difficult being single after years of being in a

relationship. It’s like being reborn again. Who am I? I haven’t felt

like this on my own for years. I have to go to places on my own. I

have to live on my own. That’s why rebound relationships are so

common.

This is why I encourage keeping your independence in the

relationship no matter how close you get.

HOW STRONG YOU ARE?

The next thing: your strength. Are you a strong person or a
sensitive person. Some people just have higher tolerance for pain.

See people who experienced a more difficult childhood hurt

less, and as a result are capable of healing faster than someone

who always had everything given to them. Especially because they

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

18
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

are not used to rejection.

CAN YOU ACCEPT THE BREAKUP?

Number four. Can you accept this breakup? Breakups are
confronting. There are two type of people out there.

First type: can’t accept. They resist.

“This is NOT happening to me! Why me? I can’t believe this

is happening.”

And of course we all know that resistance leads to pain which

leads to suffering.

Judgemental people hurt more. They believe that the world

should always revolve around them. And when things go any other

way, they can’t accept it. And as a result they hurt.

Being able to accept, surrender and be okay with what

happened, is the key. I’ll show you later how to do it.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

19
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

ARE YOU AN ADDICTIVE PERSON?

Number five, your personality type. Some people have more

addictive personality types while some people have less addictive

personality types.

Look at yourself and think about it. Do you find it easy to

drop an old habit? Or does it take forever for you to make a

change? This is a major factor. Some people find it easier to

overcome addiction.

Take my cousin for example, he is like a machine. He and his

girlfriend broke up after three years. One week later he was dating

again. I asked…

“How can you date so fast?”

He just doesn't have an addictive personality.

For some people it’s just hard to make any changes. I just

wanted you to know this and be okay with however you are.

Because regardless of how you are you’re going to heal.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

20
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

CAN YOU CUT CONTACT WITH THEM?

You might have felt it now, but there are going to be

moments when you realise you should delete their name from the

favourites in your phone. You should unfriend them from

Facebook, give up the photos, playlists and your past.

The sooner and more firmly you do this the faster you heal.

Reminders are draining. They take your energy and make you hurt
longer.

Every time you look at your phone and you see that

background photo of you two, a selfie you took together when you
were partying, it’s going to hurt you.

I keep repeating myself. We have a goal, and that is to heal

and recover faster. I want you to get rid of all the reminders.

There is an old saying, “Out of sight, out of mind!” This is

going be a difficult to do but it’s a given. If you want to heal or

recover, if you’re tired of this feeling and you want to forget them

for now, Then get them out of your sight.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

21
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

WILL YOU MAINTAIN YOUR HEALTH?

Number seven. Will you look after yourself?

The better you eat, the more you sleep, the more exercise you do,

the faster you heal. Simple isn’t it?

Some go on the coffee, chocolate and ice cream diet and

wonder why they feel bad. Same thing with drugs and alcohol. The

less drugs and alcohol you consume the faster you heal.

Remember. Whatever you eat, directly affects how you feel.

WILL YOU DRAG THIS OUT?

Number eight. This one is the thing that overwrites
everything else.

How much time are you willing to spend going through this

breakup? How far do you want to drag this thing out. Look, sooner
or later, you’re going to heal. I don’t even worry for you.

I promise you’ll wake up one day and you won’t feel a thing

anymore. It may be in a couple of months from now or maybe in a

couple years. It’s just the matter of how long you want to drag this

out. As a human being you have a relatively higher tolerance to

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

22
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

pain.

And this is what I want you to pay extra attention too. You

will get to a point that you say…

“Enough is enough! I have pushed away everyone, I lost my

job, I don’t look healthy, I don’t feel healthy and everything else in
my life is being affected by this breakup!”

I hope you haven't lost your job, but the point here is you’ll
get frustrated with how much this thing is affecting you.

You’ll say…

“I just can’t feel this way anymore.”

The moment you arrive to that point, everything will change.

When will you get there? It’s up to you, your tolerance to

pain and all other things we discussed before.

The moment you decide you don’t really have to put up with

this feeling anymore, is the moment you start to heal fast.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

23
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

I want you to think about it. And take this as a reminder. I

expect you to get to that point faster. I want you to do that for me.

And this is what happens look at this graph.

When you come to the conclusion that this has to end, when

you make that decision from deep inside, then the magic happens.

If you do things that won’t help you heal, for example:

keeping old photos of the two of you, keeping contact with your

ex, drinking alcohol, or not exercising. Then this happens. One step

forward two steps back, then one step forward two steps back. And
that is not good because that could go on for a long time.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

24
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 01: HOW LONG TILL I HEAL

So please read this chapter several times, it’s an important

one. Read this at least a couple times a week if you can. We’re

going be on this journey together you and I.

And you are going to happily come out of the other side of the

tunnel.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

25
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

CHAPTER 02:

THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

It’s frustrating to feel lost and confused.

“What’s going on?”

“Why do I have all these mixed feelings?”

“Why am I so confused?”

“Why am I so angry?”

WHAT ARE THESE STAGES?

The stages of loss and grief are universal and we all go

through them. There are slight differences amongst different

people, but in general it’s pretty similar for everyone. There are 4

stages of recovery. I borrowed this idea from Elisabeth Ross.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

26
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

Now the reason I want you to quickly hear about these

stages is so that you can identify what you’re going through right

now. Because once you know what stage you’re in you can

minimise the chances of making mistakes. And I want to do

whatever I can to stop your from making mistakes.

Also I want you to know we should not judge how a person

experiences grief. Because each person experiences grief

differently.

Look at this, as a recovery roadmap. One that helps you

understand your situation better.

DENIAL
The first stage is trying to fix it. Living in denial, not accepting
reality. “No, this can’t be happening!” Denial is a temporary
reaction that carries us through the first wave of pain. This happens

because the pain you may be feeling is so extreme your

subconscious can’t handle it.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

27
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

ANGER
Now at some point this temporary mask of denial begins to

fall off. Reality kicks in and your pain increases. So the anger

begins.

Anger is another defence mechanism. Your brain is trying to

resist sadness and potentially depression. There is anger towards

your surrounding, other people, your friends, family, yourself and

especially your ex.

This is where most people make mistakes and say hurtful

things to innocent people around them without realising the

damage they are doing.

Your friends and family may try to help you through this time
but they just don’t know what to say. They try to do their best, but

their best doesn’t really help you and ends up just making you

even angrier.

This anger can causes a lot of regret. For example you may

yell at someone that you really love just because what they said is

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

28
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

not what you want to hear. And then the next day you feel sorry
for doing that. So it’s important to keep this in the back of your

mind so you don’t lash out at people.

SADNESS
After anger there's heavy sadness. Sadness that sometimes
turns into depression, extreme sadness and regret for the things

you did wrong in your relationship. It’s very healthy and very
important to experience sadness. It’s an important part of recovery.

ACCEPTANCE
And sadness there is acceptance…

“Yes this is really it. I am an individual again. Things have

really changed.”

The faster you get to this point, the faster you can start a

new healthy relationship. Either with your ex, or someone new. And
this is where I want to get you as fast as possible.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

29
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

MORE ABOUT THESE STAGES

A few more things about the stages of recovery.

WE ALL EXPERIENCE IT DIFFERENTLY

We each spend different lengths of time working through
each of these steps. We all express each stage differently with
different levels of intensity. Some of us express it externally, while

some of us keep our feelings inside.

WE DON’T FEEL THEM IN ORDER

And finally these stages do not necessarily happen in any

specific order. Maybe today you feel angry, and then the next day

you're extremely sad. Then the day after you go back to denying
the whole situation…

“No, no, no we are not breaking up.”

You’ll be shifting between these stages for a while but I want

you to know this is completely normal. The reason I wanted to tell

you this is once you know about these stages, once you realise

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

30
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 02: THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

these are normal processes everybody goes through and it’s okay
to bounce between them, you’ll begin to feel less and less

confused about the way you feel.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

31
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

CHAPTER 03:

FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

The main goal of this book is to put an end to your pain.

After a breakup we sometimes enter a dark tunnel and stay inside

this tunnel a lot longer than we really need to.

One reason for this is that we don’t really know the reasons
why we are feeling this pain. It’s easy to say, we hurt because of

the breakup, however there’s a lot more into it. You probably have

heard me speaking about this in other chapters, but here I want to

dig a little deeper.

See by naming what you have lost, you can then focus on

gaining back those missing pieces or connections. And I want you

to do it fast. I want to push you as much as I can so you get out of

this pain as quickly as possible.

WHY BREAKUPS ARE SO PAINFUL

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

32
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

Okay, why does a breakup hurt so much? I’ll go through

these quickly since they are not the most pleasant things to talk

about. I don’t want to focus on this much, but at the same time,

you need to know the list of reasons.

IT’S OFTEN UNEXPECTED

First thing I want you to know is that a breakup or divorce

could be harder than losing parents! I’ve had many men and
women tell me this.

Losing your parents, as painful as it is, is something you

expect on some level. We all secretly know that one day we have

to let them go and say goodbye.

However losing a partner is not usually something we sign

up for. This is an unexpected change. And a very bad shock!

HUMANS RESIST CHANGE

The other reason for this pain is our resistance to change.

This is a classic. Us human beings change only when we really have

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

33
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

to. We resist, and only make a change when there is no other

option.

Next. Your future is not going to be what you planned.

Certainty is now gone. Maybe you planned a whole life with your
ex. Now there is a big change of plans.

You might have to start dating again. Finding somebody else

new, building connections with them, going out, building comfort

again. All of this is painful to think about because we have to get

out of our comfort zone to do them.

I don’t really want to riff on this for long, but I want you to

know this. Think about what I just said.

YOU’VE LOST MORE THAN YOUR EX

You know you haven't lost just one person either. You have

lost connections, comfort, certainty and your plans for the future.

And the reason I want you to think about this is because I

want you to give yourself a lot of credit. Really accept that the pain

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

34
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

you feel right now is completely okay. You are doing a great job
just by putting in the effort to read this!

It’s very common to think...

“OMG I’m so weak! I’m such a loser! Why am I doing so badly

at dealing with this? What’s wrong with me?”

No, no no. None of that!

I want you to know that you have miraculous power within

you. And this power will eventually get you out of this.

Know how I know this?

Because you are reading this! Your subconscious has already

started the recovery process! You are moving forward. And I am

really happy for you because it’s so clear what is coming your way

my friend, and it looks good.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

35
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

YOU LOSE YOUR IDENTITY

Now the next thing I want to quickly tell you about is identity

loss. One thing that most people secretly struggle with during a

breakup is identity loss.

You lost part of your identity when you broke up with your
ex. The longer you were together the more identity you’ve lost.

Your self-perceptions, your roots. It’s not just the break up

that is hard to swallow, it’s the loss of who you were for a good

while.

You now have to figure out who you are without your

partner. You have to rebuild yourself in your own eyes. This is not

necessarily a bad thing either. It’s a chance to be who you’ve

always wanted to be but couldn’t because you were with your ex.

This is your chance to repurpose your life and quickly rebuild

your identity. And it’s this searching for a new identity that makes
your separation a bit tougher. Because you subconsciously know

that you have some work to do.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

36
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

HOW TO GET CLOSURE

Now one important thing you need to do during this process

is get closure. Closure is when you become at ease with the fact
that things are over.

Closure can prepare you for future relationships. Either with

your ex, or with someone new. It is what sets you free and brings

you peace. So start working on your new identity now, because the

faster you get closure, the faster you will recover and find yourself

again.

YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET IT FROM YOUR EX

This is not an easy though. It’s not easy to get nice, clean
closure because you can’t force your ex to talk about why your

relationship ended. Most of the time relationships end because

there was a lack of good communication. And that’s why getting

good clean closure is not easy.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

37
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

So here is an exercise you can do to find closure. This might

sound like one of the weird or crazy ways to get closure but it can

be very helpful.

WRITE BREAKUP LETTER

Basically, you sit down by yourself, without any distractions
and write a letter to your ex. Get all your feelings out onto the

paper as you write. Write as if you really believe you’re going to

send it to your ex. But you won’t send it.

You won’t send this letter ever! Let me tell you why. Writing a
letter that won’t be sent allows you to reach internal closure on

your end. Regardless of whether you get external closure internal

closure is when the magic really happens.

And if you think about it you’ll realise that in life, you can’t
control the actions of others. We can only control how we act and

respond.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

38
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

After you write this letter you’ll be amazed how much easier
things will get. You won’t feel 100%, but a lot of your accumulated

emotions will be released.

If you look to your ex to provide you with some sort of

magical answer about your breakup, you may be looking forever.

WHAT IS REAL CLOSURE?

Finding closure after a breakup is about being at peace with

yourself and being okay that your relationship didn’t work out. So

don’t hold back in that letter.

Think positively about your future. Write your closure letter

and when you write it, say everything. The more you write down,

the better you’ll feel later. Just make sure you don’t send it.

Remember, those who look forward heal faster. What you are

feeling and doing right now is just a quick stop.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

39
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 03: FINDING THE “WHY’S” AND CLOSURE

So don’t spend much time here or in the past. This is a one

time thing. Write the letter in one sitting. Then put the letter in a

box in your closet and leave it there.

Because once you get closure at your end, half of your battles are
won.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

40
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

CHAPTER 04:

YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

After your separation, just living and basically getting

through your day as a single person again can be really difficult.

Because you’ve lived with your ex for a long time, you

naturally develop habits and routines around each other. You sleep
together, cook together, sometimes work together, go out

together and do most other things together.

Then suddenly you have to switch to a completely different

lifestyle because those routines aren't possible anymore.

You may not be able to visit the same places anymore. You
can’t share certain responsibilities anymore, maybe your financial

situation is different as well. And everything else you are

experiencing is now different.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

41
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

Instead of letting this change affect you in a bad way, we are

going to take advantage of this change and use it in your favour.

Because right now, you are so ready for a change.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP

See, how you start your day determines how you’re going to

spend the rest of your day. If you wake up, stay in bed for half an
hour, go back to sleep, wake up again and go straight to work and

hope for things to automatically change, they won’t!

So here I am going to give you four very simple things that

you can do first thing in the morning, before anything else. And

when you do these consistently, after a couple weeks, you’ll see

massive changes in the way you feel and how much nicer your
days become.

I want you to follow this simple morning routine starting

tomorrow morning.

At first you are going to resist, but I want you to make a

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

42
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

habit out of it. And once you make a habit out of it you can
manage your emotions much easier during the day.

WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP

Wake up one hour earlier than you usually do. This is going

to be your “me” time. Yes, you are going to spend this time only

on your own.

And here is what I want you to do. first, before anything else,

listen to read the wake up call memo below. And to be honest I

recommend you do it even before you go to the bathroom.

READ THIS EVERY MORNING

Hey;

How did you sleep? Did you sleep at all?

Before you even think about getting up, I want
you to do something for me.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

43
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

I want you to close your eyes. I know you

just opened them. But please close them again.
Now Think about past. Not just any past. But a
special time.

I want you to journey back to a specific day.

What day? That day! A day before you met your ex.
That day that you didn’t even know they existed.

When was it? When did you meet? On a

Wednesday? Then think about the Tuesday. Just
think about the day that you had NO IDEA that
person even existed.

Could you have imagined what a journey is in

front of you? All those memories, dates, dinner
dates, good memories, bad memories, all that
passionate sex! And all the other magnificent
things that happened in that relationship.

Now, slowly open your eyes. I want you to

know that “TODAY” is exactly the same. There are
a lot of good things coming your way. It doesn’t
matter how old you are, what you do or where you

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

44
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

live. I just want you to remember, today, could

be that day. Today could be the day that your
struggle ends!

I have no idea how. No one knows how! All I

know is that today can be the greatest day of
your life.

Maybe you meet someone, maybe you move

somewhere. Maybe you see an inspiring movie,
maybe you fall in love. Maybe the most unexpected
thing happens. We don’t know what, all we know is
that it’s possible and it has happened to you in
the past.

What if today a new journey begins! A

romantic journey? Maybe. An adventure? Possible!
It’s all there and no matter how bad you may be
feeling right now, you’re about to start a new
journey soon!

So before you get up, I want you to close

your eyes again and repeat after me

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

45
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

“Today is gonna be a great day. I am thankful

for everything I have. I am thankful for my body,
my ears so I can listen, my heart so I can feel
and hope so I can live!

There are great things coming my way! I will

never give up! I have been loved and in love
before. I deserve and I am going to get
everything I want in life, including a perfect
love life.”

Now take a deep breath in and out. Now go do

your business in the bathroom and come read the
next letter! Make sure you do it because it is
going to change your day!

MORNING ACTIVITIES

After this I want you to do fifteen minutes of any of the

activities below. There’s something magical about these exercises.

And even though they are simple they are extremely effective.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

46
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

WALKING MEDITATION
Now, if you live by the beach, I want you to go for a 15

minute walking meditation. Take your shoes off so you can feel the

sand under your feet.

If you don’t have beach around you, try grass. Even if you
have a small yard, go for a very slow 15 minute walk. Make sure

you do this bare foot. It’s important you feel sand, grass or some
element of nature under your feet.

If you really can’t leave your home, maybe because it’s

raining outside or you don’t have a backyard because you live in a

big city, then do it in your bedroom.

STRETCHING EXERCISES
Here is some very effective exercises with photos you can do.

Please make sure you don’t have any injuries before you try them.

The secret is to do each of these for at least three minutes.

That way there is no pressure on your body as you start.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

47
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

First lay down, palm of your feet together and open knees
slowly.

If you don’t have any injuries and you can definitely push

more. These exercises can be addictive, that’s how good they are.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

48
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

This one is also a great one exercise. Just sit up straight with

the palm of your feet together. And your heels as close to your
body as possible. Then slowly lean forward. Try not to hunch, hold

you back straight and slowly lean forward.

You want to eventually end here.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

49
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

Do each exercise for at least three minutes each and rest one
minute in between. And remember to breath deeply while you do

these exercises.

See by spending less that half an hour every morning doing

this ritual, your body and mind get cleansed. You can experience a
completely different day. It’s really just that simple.

With someone in your situation a ritual like this is so

important. Just remember that doing this ritual first thing in the

morning is the most important part.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

50
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 04: YOUR NEW MORNING RITUAL

WHY YOU CAN SKIP THIS RITUAL

Research shows that falling in love activates many of the

same brain regions as other pleasurable activities. Dating someone

for an extended period of time can soon resemble a drug addiction

neurologically.

Those reward pathways that are responsible for addiction

become active when people who are going through a breakup

view photos of their ex.

Now as time goes by these brain activities lessen. So your

pain lessens. And in order to make this process faster you need to

replace your old habits with new habits.

That’s why I want you to force yourself to do this morning

routine if you have to, please stick to it.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

51
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

CHAPTER 05:

HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT

For most people, trying not to think about something makes

them think about it even more. In other words, the harder you try
to stop thinking about something, the harder it will be to forget it.

See whatever you focus on is what you’ll get in the end. You
are also going to waste your limited energy thinking about

something you don’t want to to think about.

Your mind actively keeps checking to make sure that you

don’t think about the things you don’t want to think about. It’s a

paradox! This monitoring process makes you more vulnerable to

the ideas you're running from.

THE PARADOX OF THINKING POSITIVELY

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

52
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

Ironic processing theory is exactly the same. Don’t think

about the sunset. Don’t think about a glass of water. Don’t think

about a pink elephant. When you read those sentences that's

probably all you thought about.

It’s similar to trying to fall asleep when you need to wake up

early the next morning. Even if you are sleepy you may spend

hours rolling from side to side.

Now take relaxation for example. When you are relaxed, it’s

usually just because it happened without you noticing. You don’t

“try” to relax. Instead, you just lay down, take a deep breath and let
it happen.

You even let the bad thoughts come, you don’t resist them. If

you try to fight against yourself, you’re finished. Your thoughts are
not your reality, but for now they’re going to be with you.

So just be okay with this. It’s just an unpleasant thought. It’s

here and you’re okay with it.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

53
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Now if there are thoughts that are bothering you, write them

down, and then talk about them with somebody that you trust.

Someone close to you that won’t judge you or won’t add any
negative thoughts. And then just let those thoughts be.

Living in the past can cause depression, and living in future

can cause anxiety. So really the biggest challenge of humanity is

just to be living in the present.

And here’s the secret, when you learn to be okay with your
negative thoughts, and just accept that they’re going to be there

for some time, then you’ll find yourself at a point where you have

the ability to not even let them start.

Those thoughts just won’t be a big deal anymore. You’re not

trying to run away from them. You accept they are there, you just

can live with them and not be affected by them.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

54
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

FINDING POSITIVE THOUGHTS

Look we all have things we don’t want to think about. And

the thing is if you don’t have a replacement for those negative

thoughts, something positive to think about. Then of course you’re

going to bounce back to what you’re running from.

And yeah, I’ll be realistic. Some thoughts can be very

powerful and difficult to deal with. You can’t sit down trying to
focus on the sunset when you’ve just lost the love of your life to

another man or a woman. You need something more powerful

than a sunset to think about.

THINKING AND THOUGHTS

Now here is one principle that I want you to pay attention to.
There is a difference between thinking and thoughts. And to make
it really easy to understand, I want you to think about your

breathing.

Every few seconds you don’t say “Oh wait, I need take a

breathe now. Now I need to take another one” It doesn't happen

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

55
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

that way. It’s automatic, just like some of your thoughts. However,
sometimes you can consciously say “Okay now I am going to take

a deep breath.”

HOW TO HANDLE YOUR BAD THOUGHTS

Now your thoughts are exactly the same. You have tens of
thousands of thoughts everyday. Good or bad, most of them are

not even conscious. You just let them come and go. And the bad
ones will always fade in the long term, so you have nothing to

worry about.

Conscious thoughts trigger inner dialog and snowball into

bigger thoughts. And we usually create this dialog consciously. For

example you might think…

“I sent her a text message 2 hours ago, but she hasn’t

responded yet. Is she seeing someone else? Maybe I said something

wrong?”

It’s the same thing when you apply for a job and you don’t

hear back right away…

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

56
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

“What could be wrong? Maybe my resume was bad? Maybe

they didn’t like me.”

Don’t let the train get rolling. The train of conscious negative
thoughts. Don’t let it start.

Because if you consciously think the worst you could spend

days lost in unproductive destructive thoughts. And if a negative

thought does pop up, just let it be, it’s okay.

But you don’t sit down and consciously choose bad things to
think about. It’s a little tricky to understand so I’m going to talk

more about negative assumptions.

This will hopefully give you more ideas on how to change

your focus and potentially your thoughts.

The whole point is to make this time as painless and peaceful

as possible. Now, one of the thoughts that makes us very tired and
frustrated is thinking about our ex being with somebody else.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

57
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

So I'm going to talk to you about positive assumptions and

also give you some really good techniques that help you stop

thinking about your ex with other people.

WHAT CAUSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

So, what causes these thoughts? It's very important to know

what triggers these thoughts. Because if you know what triggers

these thoughts, you can stop generating these thoughts.

DOING NOTHING

The first thing that triggers them is doing nothing. Some

people just go idle after a breakup. They just sit there and do
nothing.

And what happens when you do nothing? You start thinking

about something. And what is the first thing that you think about?
Your ex. And when you think about your ex, they are usually bad

assumptions. Negative thoughts just come.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

58
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

You see, you have to feed your brain something. You have to
have something to think about that. Because, if you don't give your

brain something to think about think about, it will find something

to think about.

That's why I'm going to tell you to do things like making

constructive distractions. Find something you like to do and just do

it. I don't care what it is. Just do something. Start taking pictures.

Make a photography website. Start a food blog and write recipes.

Just do something.

Because if you do anything, it's better than doing nothing.

Because once you do something your brain doesn't have that

much free space to focus on your ex. And that's the beauty of it,

you can only focus on one thing at a time.

You probably think negative things about your ex because

you don't have enough positive things to think about. So I want

you to find something to work on so your brain is not that free to

start making negative assumptions.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

59
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

OLD PHOTOS OF YOUR EX

Next, all your photos and videos you have of your ex, maybe

they are on Facebook. If you don’t want to hurt yourself, I strongly

recommend you to stop looking at old photos and videos.

Really, stay away from old photos, videos and Facebook.

There is no good that could ever come out of looking at old

photos and videos after a breakup. They just make you hurt more.

Facebook is terrible idea because you see the updates your

ex makes. You automatically go look at their pictures. And what

happens when you look at the pictures? You get emotional. You

see them out at parties, you see them with new people. It just hurts

you. It makes you make negative assumptions.

Once you look at those photos, what’s the first thing you

think about? The brain connects these dots together…

“Ah, he's out. Who is that girl? Oh, look, they’re standing close
to each other, maybe they’re doing something...”

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

60
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

Boom! You're done. Negative assumption. Or, the other

way…

“Oh, look at that, she’s done her hair. She's done her makeup.
Who's this guy looking at her? Maybe they’re doing something.”

Boom! Negative assumption

So do yourself a favor, no photos, no videos, no Facebook,

nothing at all, no connection.

DRINKING AND DRUGS

Another big thing is smoking marijuana or drinking. When

you get high, your brain gets creative. And all these thoughts
attack you.

This is especially true when you're high. When you are you

don't have control of what you think about. And when you’re
drunk you can lose control off what you do.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

61
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

So what happens? There is a famous cliche, the “drunk call

from an ex”. When you are not sober you think about things that

are not real, things that don’t even make sense. Then you act on

those thoughts and do things that you regret.

Then you cause more pain. more pain to yourself, more pain

to your ex, and more pain to your relationship. Sometimes you

even damage your other friendships with the people around you.

So I strongly recommend you to avoid drinking and smoking right

after the breakup.

POSITIVE DISTRACTIONS

So what is something positive you can do to keep your mind

of your ex.

EXERCISE
Exercises like running are great because you're physically
doing something, and when you physically do something, you will

have to focus and concentrate a little bit on what you are doing.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

62
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

You see things around you, and that occupies a little bit of your
focus.

And that's a really nice thing to do. So do some exercise. I

remember I used to go to the beach at 5 in the morning. I’d run,
stop, scream. Run again, stop, cry, pray, run, i’d do all these crazy

things and I’d feel great after.

Just being out was really good. And if you live close to the
beach I’ll tell you about something I use to do so you can try it to.

Something real nice and refreshing.

GIVE YOURSELF A COLD SHOCK

So one day I was just walking at the beach. And I thought I

need to give myself a shock. It was in November. The weather

wasn't very cold but the water was ice cold. I was just walking, and
I thought…

“You know what, fuck it, I’m just going in.”

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

63
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

And I just walked right into the ocean. The water was
freezing that day, but I just walked in. I didn't even take my clothes

off. I just dropped my phone on the sand and just jumped in the

water. And the moment I went underwater I felt so refreshed and

alive. It felt great! So good.

Then I got into the habit of doing that. I’d jump in the water,

run out. Open my arms and push my chest up and scream it out. It

feels really good. Don't keep it inside. Let it out. It feels great. So,
every day go do a combination of all of these things.

IN CONCLUSION

It's really important to understand the difference between

negative, destructive thoughts, like thinking about your ex with

somebody else, and positive but painful thoughts. Thoughts that
hurt you but have to be processed.

We can deal with these through meditation. But negative

thoughts and assumptions that cause you to do irrational things

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

64
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 05: HOW NOT TO THINK ABOUT

should be avoided. Thoughts like thinking about your ex with

somebody else.

At this stage of your life, you're not being very rational. And
you may think about things that are not necessarily true. Looking
at things like old photos that trigger your emotions can cause a lot

of damage.

Because they hurt you, maybe get you angry and aggressive.
Then maybe you send a message to your ex that you shouldn't

have. You say something that you pushes them further away. I’ve

done that too. And then, what happens, you hurt even more.

Listen, either your ex is with somebody else or they are not.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

65
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

CHAPTER 06:

REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

I am going to quickly talk to you about the one of the main

reasons people have a hard time recovering from a breakup. By

not knowing this simple thing, you could be stuck on your breakup

for many years.

When you understand this principle and start applying what I

show you, you’ll be amazed how fast things will change for you.

HALTING YOUR REGRET

When you get to the point where you are right now, a lot of
things don’t matter anymore. You’re going to catch yourself
thinking about things you could have done differently to save your

relationship.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

66
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

STOP ASKING YOURSELF

What if I said this instead of that?

What if I didn't do this?

What if we had talked about it more?

What if we never moved to that place?

What if I never had that one last drink?

What if I treated them better?

Anyone going through breakup has moments of doubts. And

what I want you to know is realise that none of this matters

anymore.

Want to know why?

Because your relationship is over and you have a greater goal

now, and that goal is to recover from your breakup. You’ve already

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

67
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

made up your mind, you’ve made that decision that this is it.
You’ve enough of pain, confusion, and regret.

You know the answer to those questions is not your concern

anymore. You really don’t care. It may feel that you still care or you
want to care. But we are on a new path now.

Great things are waiting for you. Even if you want to get back

together with your ex, or meet someone new, you past doesn’t
matter right now.

THE CYCLE OF REGRET

You know we often get caught in a cycle. We think about the

past, feel regretful, get angry, upset and frustrated. Then we start

to think about how things could have been different. We start

pointing fingers, blaming ourselves and others.

This is pointless. It just delays your recovery.

From this point on, I want you to identify these three below:

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

68
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

1. Regret
2. Blame

3. Every question starting with “What if”

and when you start thinking about them, stop.

Every minute you spend in the past, thinking about

something you cannot change anymore, is another minute you

postpone and delay your recovery. So forget regret, blame and

every question starting with “What if”.

WHAT IF YOU CAN’T FORGET?

If you regret about something you cannot change,

something you may have done wrong, remember, we are humans.

We are not here to not make mistakes.

We do make mistakes, that’s just how it is. Sometimes small

mistakes, sometimes really big mistakes, sometimes silly ones.

There isn’t one person on this planet who hasn’t made mistakes.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

69
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

Yeah, making a mistake is not good, I mean sometimes it can

be really bad. But do you know what’s a bigger mistake, a mistake

bigger than making the mistake itself? It’s regretting, blaming, or

wondering what if.

And do you know why?

HOW REGRET SLOWS YOUR RECOVERY

You completely block yourself from every angle. You cannot

make progress and move on from it because you’re busy thinking

about the past. You really can’t change your past no matter how
much you want to. No one can.

That’s why if you regret, you don’t leave any energy for your

mind to work on recovering. Because the road to your past has no

end and it can go on forever. You can live your whole life in the
past, wondering ‘what if’.

There are people who do just that, it’s crazy, there are some
people who just completely live in the past, they cannot move on

and they don’t realise they’re doing that. They are trapped.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

70
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

And they wonder why they don’t heal. Why they don’t move

on, why their life doesn’t change or get any better. I won’t let you

be one of those people.

STAY IN THE PRESENT

You have a choice. You can put your energy into the past, or

into the present. Putting it into the past will not save the day.
It’s just running the wheels. It will only make you more tired

without getting any results.

Sometimes you should have said something and you didn’t.

Sometimes you shouldn’t have done, and you didn't.

From this point on please remember. It doesn’t matter

anymore. The most important thing in your life right now is to heal
and fully recover.

Because there are a lot of things in front of you waiting for

you to reach them. And if you don’t recover, if you live in the past

you’re not going to reach this new stuff.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

71
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

ACCEPTING YOUR REGRET

So you write down everything you regret. Everything you

think about daily when you know you shouldn’t.

This is a good example:

I should have made that call. I didn’t and it’s okay. It’s in the
past I’m moving on. I learned what to do in future. Or I learned what

not to do in future.

And if you want to blame someone for not doing something,

you do the same:

They should have treated me better. They shouldn't have

cheated. It’s okay, it’s in the past. People make mistakes. I am okay
and happily moving on.

You might have to do this a few times. But eventually you’ll

get into the habit of doing this and you’ll be able to invest your

time and energy into present rather than thinking about the past.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

72
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 06: REGRET AND LIVING IN THE PAST

At first almost everything I talk to you about in this book may

sound a little unfamiliar, strange or maybe even not doable.

Yet the secret is to just keep doing these exercises until you
make them. I’m sure you know it better, the first time doing

anything is always difficult.

Yet once you keep doing them, after a few days, you will see
the magic happen.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

73
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

CHAPTER 07:

WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

Now I want to talk to you about the famous post breakup

rollercoaster. One day you’re feeling good, you think the pain is
over. Then the next day you feel sad, angry and scared again.

Now, what causes this? And more importantly, how you can
stop this from happening so you can recover faster.

HEALING IS A PROCESS

These ups and downs will even out over time. However you

may experience some days that are more painful than others. Days
like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.

Even if it’s been years since your loss. I want you to

remember that letting go of someone you love is not a one-time

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

74
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

event… it is a process. It’s like a journey. But the great news is that
the peaks eventually outnumber the valleys.

There is one thing that worries some people who are going
through a breakup, and that’s bouncing back. They worry…

“What if the grief turns into a long term depression I can't get

out of?”

“I was fine yesterday, now I feel like I did the day after the

breakup eight months ago.”

Or

“I was well for a month, now suddenly I miss em again and I

can’t do anything! What happened? I thought I was recovering!”

You can do everything right yet still after months or even

maybe years, suddenly feel exactly the same as you did when your

relationship first ended. You might feel sad or hollow and worry
that this feeling will stay with you forever.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

75
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

3 THINGS TO REMEMBER

Now there are three things I want you to know here…

THIS PAIN IS NOT PERMANENT

First thing I want you to know is that you will not be
permanently damaged by a breakup or divorce. It’s possible that

you feel extreme pain for a while, however, you will recover at

some point.

IT’S OKAY TO BOUNCE BACK

The next thing, it’s okay and totally normal to bounce to how

you used to feel. Yes! it’s okay.

And there is a secret you might not know. Even though you

might feel you have really bounced back to day one, this is not the
reality. You really have made progress.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

76
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

What you should constantly remind yourself, is that what you

are going through is a process. Keep telling yourself…

“What I am going through is a process…”

Keep saying this over and over. Realise a part of this process

is going in reverse sometimes.

I’ll say it again. A part of this process is in going reverse

sometimes.

One day you wake up and feel good, the next you wake up
feeling terrible. You’re adjusting to a new life. Body, mind and soul,

all three will resist! Change only happens when you really have to.

Bouncing back to some extend is normal. And up to some

point, no matter what you do, there is going to be bouncing back.

PROGRESS IS THE KEY

However and here’s the third thing, there is one major

element which is in direct relation with you bouncing back.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

77
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

And that is, “progress”. Yes, progress. If you go through this

period of healing without making significant progress. If you spend

days, weeks, maybe months without making forward movements

towards a clear destination, you will find yourself bouncing back to
the previous stages over and over.

The pain you have felt before, the hurt you’ve experienced

and the suffering you want to run away from so badly, will be by
your side unless you make progress.

Remember, progress equals happiness.

This is why I encourage you to monitor your progress

everyday.

Take a look at your past seven days. What did you

consciously, change in your life? What do you have now, that you

didn’t have a week ago?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

78
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

I don’t necessarily mean material things. I am talking about

these four areas: your health, your wealth, your relationships with

others, and this one is a bit personal, but your self understanding.

I’ll talk about self understanding a bit later. But for now just ask
yourself. what have you achieved? What ‘ah-ha’ moments did you
have?

For example did you put an effort into meeting someone

new? It’s understandable you might not be ready for this, however
a part of your pain is a lack of closeness and intimacy with another

person. I understand you probably only want your ex and no one

else, but try to meet new people.

If you are not making progress, you subconsciously

remember what you have lost. You feel the gap left behind by your

ex more intensely. At some point you will have to start dating

again. You have to look forward.

WORK ON THESE

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

79
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

There are different types of people. Your type is a

relationship type. Otherwise you wouldn’t be this engaged and

emotional. So it’s important that you make progress in the dating

department.

FINDING HUMAN CONTACT

And I’ll explain it even simpler. You have need to be touched.

Yes physically! A human connection. Not necessarily sexual, but

you need to be physically touched.

For example, you could go get a massage or pedicure, or

anything that you get close human interaction. Some people put

this off and keep wondering why they don’t feel any better.

Look it’s really important that you understand this is a need,

this does not have to be sexual, and it makes a big difference.

TAKING CARE OF YOUR HEALTH

The other area you must make progress, is your health. Your

body. How do you physically look compared to the days you were

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

80
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

a couple? Have you lost weight? Have you gained weight? Have
you been looking after yourself? Have you been exercising? Have

you been putting it off? Have you been drinking too much?

It’s really simple. If you do what sounds like the harder thing
to do, like getting out of your comfort zone, exercising, being

social, changing and become an improved and more capable

version of yourself than you were in your relationship, you won’t

bounce back in the long term.

However if you stay where you used to be, and then

suddenly you hear your ex has moved on and is happily dating

someone else, While you still haven’t made any progress, then

you’ll bounce back.

MAKE A PLAN FOR YOUR DAYS

Remember you either go forward or backward. You don’t

stay where you are!

Progress is one of the major elements of happiness. And lack

of progress creates doubts, fear, worry and bouncing back.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

81
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

So make a plan. Make a plan for next week, next month and

next year. Make a plan and take action. Do the exercises I showed

you, start going out with people.

Look it’s important, I am not suggesting you go have sex

with someone if you’re not ready. But I do suggest you start seeing

new people. Just go on one date.

MEET NEW PEOPLE

If you’re a guy and you struggle with dating I can help you a
with that too. Just email me and I’ll write back to you. And if you’re

a lady I am sure you know how to get a date, but of course the

offer to email me is open to you as well.

So don’t think about this anymore. Grab a pen and paper

and just start writing. Make a plan for yourself, for your dating life,

for the gym, your job, and monitor your daily and weekly progress.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

82
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

I understand you are probably sad and heartbroken right

now, but after a few months you really need to try to push yourself

in these departments.

If you like online dating set up a profile on a dating site.

OkCupid, eHarmony etc. Go on a few dates. It will probably suck at

first, I’m not going to lie to you, but sometimes the only way to cut

a diamond is to use another diamond.

Once you see you’ve lost three, four, five extra kilos… Once

you have great sex with someone who finds you attractive and

admires you… once you start getting flirted with and approached
again, then the magic happens.

IN CONCLUSION

So remember my friend, progress. That is the secret word!

When you make progress, you’ll see less and less bouncing back.

Remember you either move forward or backward.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

83
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 07: WHY DO YOU KEEP BOUNCING BACK

So please follow the instructions I give you and eventually

your pain will end.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

84
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

CHAPTER 08:

SEX AFTER THE BREAKUP

I want to talk to you about SEX!

Sex after your breakup could either help you heal, or damage

and hurt you even more. I’ve seen many men and women who

struggle with this. They either hold back when it’s unnecessary, or
move forward with it when they really should still hold back.

And to be honest this could be the one thing that pushes

you over the edge and help you move on completely, or it could
be the thing that makes you feel even more regret and makes you

suffer for much longer than necessary.

And since we experience relationships differently and we all

have different personality types, the things we do after the

breakup also have different effects on each of us as individuals.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

85
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

THINGS TO CONSIDER ABOUT SEX

Now here are the major things I want you to consider.

DO IT JUST FOR YOU

First of all, when is it good to start having post breakup
sex? Well, when you know you’re doing it just for you. When the
sex has nothing to do with revenge or getting back at your ex.

When you’re not doing it to make your ex feel jealous. When you

don’t really care if anyone else knows about it or not.

If you feel like you’re ready to just explore, or have some fun,

You have no hidden agenda! It’s purely for you and your partner is

not a variable in this equation. If that is the case, then great, sleep

with a new person.

SEX WILL REMIND YOU OF YOUR EX

One thing here. If you decide to do it, remember: It is

going to remind you of your ex. You are going to compare this

sex to the sex you had with your ex. And since the sex itself may be

great, or may be terrible, it’s worth thinking about it before doing

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

86
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

it.

I don’t know your standards, I can’t tell you how it’s going to

be for you. I take that you can be a good judge and decide for
yourself.

You may run into a great man or woman, or you may run

into a relatively lower value person, maybe less attractive or just

because you are vulnerable, you may not be able to see that
person’s real character until after you have been intimate with

them.

THERE MAY BE NO CHEMISTRY

Also remember there maybe no chemistry between you and

the new person. If that’s the case, you may miss your ex even more.

The opposite is possible too. This could make you realise,

“Yeah no strings attached sex is fun! It’s awesome and I've been

missing out on having great connections.”

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

87
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

So if you do decide to sleep with someone new, do it with

open heart. Expect anything could happen and do it just for

yourself. And I am going to add this here too, sometimes the sex

can be great because it may be the best sex you had in very long
time.

WHEN SEX IS WRONG FOR YOU

Now! There are times where you really shouldn’t even think
about sex. Like the times when you are angry. Or when you know

the person you’re about to be intimate with is wrong for you.

When you’re doing it just because you want to get back at your ex,
or because you’re not happy with your current life situation.

Or when you’re drunk or stoned, you could do things you’ll

regret the next day. Or even regret while you're doing it. Jumping
into bed fuelled by any negative emotions will cause more drama
and pain.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

88
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

SEXUAL HEALTH
If you do go ahead and have sex, make sure it’s safe sex. You

know the whole story with STD’s and pregnancy, so be careful

there.

A PERSONAL STORY OF MINE

As you can see, I’m not speaking with much conviction about

what is 100% right for you, because of the reasons I just mentioned
before.

One thing I can do to make this more useful for you, is to tell

you one of my own personal experiences and one of my

relationships.

We broke up after a few years and I was so hurt and

emotional. The pain was beyond understanding for me. I did jump
into dating and sex again. I’m a pretty social guy and I meet new

people on regular basis.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

89
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

I remember it was a few days after she left me that I started

dating again. I decided I was going to do whatever it takes to

forget her, and to be honest... being with new people really helped

me!

And I want you to know that really whatever you feel like

right now is a result of your beliefs. If you feel or if you think you

are doing something wrong by having sex and you’re not ready to

jump back into dating, you shouldn’t.

I knew my ex is gone was good. She had already told me it’s

over 100%. She had posted photos of her and the new people she
was seeing.

I remember when I was with this new girl, I had a lot of mixed

feelings, but most of them were good. I was getting some of my

confidence back. I was hurt and still in a reactive mode, you know

how it is. So any attention felt good.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

90
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

I kept meeting new people until I met someone special. Very

special! A beautiful woman and wonderful human being. She was

going through a breakup as well when we met, it was just perfect.

We spent 5 months together. 5 intense months and when it

was over, we both knew we just helped each other go through this

painful time of our lives.

We are still friends and I am glad I met her.

So my friend, I can’t really give you straight answer here,

since this is very personal and your situation matters. However I

want you to think about it and what I've said. I want you to make
that decision with open heart and don’t do it out of negative

emotions like spite.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

91
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

CHAPTER 09

EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

When we are going through the painful days of breakup, one

of the last things we care about, is what we eat. Most people

ignore nutrition at this time because they don’t know the

significance of it.

However, there is a direct connection between your diet and

your emotions. So what you eat, does changes how you feel.

HOW FOOD AFFECTS YOUR MOOD

So, how does food influence your mood?

Food affects the body’s metabolism and hormones. These

then influence your emotions, focus and energy. Everything you

eat has an impact on your mood. Either positively, or negatively.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

92
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

Now before we get into the list of food I want you to eat, I
just want to mention something here. This is NOT medical advice.

If you have special dietary conditions or food allergies, make sure

you consult with your doctor before eating any of the things I am
about to suggest.

7 RECOVERY FOODS
Now here are some easy to eat foods that help you with
anxiety and your mood.

Dark chocolate. I like this one because it’s easier to eat.

There's a neurotransmitter produced in the brain that temporarily

blocks feelings of pain and depression. Chocolate has even been

referred to as “the new anti-anxiety drug.”

Protein. This is a bit harder to eat but you need to eat a

high-quality source of protein. Organic eggs, a piece of Gouda

cheese or a handful of almonds, these are all great sources of

protein. Protein is important because it helps to keep your blood

sugar levels steady which enhances your energy and mood.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

93
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

Camomile tea with a slice of lemon. It’s strange how

powerful this one is. I highly recommend you drink a couple cups

everyday. Drinking herbal tea like camomile helps your nervous

system. And the vitamin C found in lemons, helps your immune

systems cope with stress. When you experience high levels of
stress, vitamin C is released in large amounts and its stores are

rapidly depleted. People who have low vitamin C levels have been

shown to have a poor stress response.

Bananas. Bananas contain dopamine, a natural reward

chemical that boosts your mood. Bananas are also rich in vitamin

B, which also helps your nervous system. Bananas are also high in

and magnesium, another nutrient associated with positive mood.

Blueberries. Berries contain pigments that give berries like

blueberries and blackberries their deep color. These antioxidants

help your brain produce more dopamine.

Omega-3 fats. Found in salmon or supplements like Krill Oil.

Omega-3 can reduce your anxiety levels by 20%. Research also

shows omega-3 works as well as antidepressants in preventing the

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

94
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

signs of depression, but without any of the nasty side effects. So if

you like fish, or if you like salmon definitely go for it.

Water. And of course drinking water. You need to keep your

body hydrated. About 73% of your body is water, and when you

get stressed you dehydrate yourself. It’s crucial that you keep
drinking water, set a goal to drink at least eight glasses of water a
day.

THINGS TO AVOID
No need to say, alcohol and smoking can extend and

increase your pain in the long term. Look, I really want you to heal

as fast as possible. Avoid alcohol, drugs or any kind of mood lifters

for now.

I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow feeling horrible and

hung-over, hating the world. And don’t worry this not forever. Just
for now give up short term pleasure for long term results.

So please fill your fridge with the food and fruit that I

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

95
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 09: EAT THIS TO FEEL BETTER

mentioned above and remember, we need to make sure you do

everything right so you get results faster.

Your body is your temple. Fill it with what it needs, not what
you want right now. Every time you put something in your mouth,
think about the long term consequences.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

96
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

CHAPTER 10:

THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

Here I want to quickly talk about the things you should

really avoid while you are in the processes of recovering.

YOU NEED TO STOP

FEELING BAD FOR BEING SAD

First, don’t feel bad for feeling bad. Things will be much
easier if you’re can be okay with yourself and how you feel right

now.

Just say…

“You know what, fuck it! This is how I feel. It’s a process and

I’m getting through it. I’m not going to judge myself. I’m a human

being and I have feelings. This pain is a part of the relationship I

had. It’s a temporary pain but I own it right now. A I’m not going to

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

97
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

worry because this pain is not forever!”

Own your emotions. If you want to be sad, be sad. Because if

you own your emotions you can heal alot faster. What you are
going through right now is not an everyday thing. Give yourself a
lot of credit. You are lifting a heavy weight.

Listen, you're going to experience a wide range of emotions.

It’s important you understand yourself, recognise these emotions

and remember that you are going to be riding this emotional

rollercoaster for a while.

Some people try to escape the pain by I drinking, doing

drugs or doing irrational things. Those things only hurt you more.

Revenge sex is a good example. Women especially can get very

hurt after they have revenge sex, I strongly recommend that you
do not have revenge sex.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

98
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

HOLDING ON TO YOUR REGRET

The next thing is don’t be weighed down by regret. There is a

whole chapter on regret. Make sure you read it. Yes making a

mistake can be bad, but regretting it is even a bigger mistake.

LOOKING FOR PITY

Next one is also a big no-no. Avoid begging for pity and
attention from public forums. Some people start posting negative

comments on their Facebook. Look, maybe being pitied feels good

but it won’t help you. You just damage your reputation.

Sometimes I see a Facebook wall filled with sad stories. Look,

you want to heal faster? Focus on what’s coming your way, not on

what has passed. Because a lot of good things are coming your
way.

If you want to share your sadness do it with a very close

friend, not publicly on Facebook. You really don’t want the whole
world to know how weak you feel.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

99
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

You know why? Because things are going to change. And

right now you are weaker than usual. And when you look back in a

couple years it’s not going to feel good. Because you let everyone

see your weak side. And that is something very private. Only for
very close friends and people you really trust.

KEEPING CONTACT WITH YOUR EX

Next, cutting all connections with your ex. That is a given.
You have to do this. All photos, songs, reminders, screenshots, they

all should go. I can’t do this for you, your friends can’t do it for you,

only you can do it.

If you want to get back together make sure you read my

book on getting back with your ex. There’s complete instructions

on how to do it. But if you’ve decided you want to heal and move
on forever, then cut all your connections with your ex.

MEDICATING WITH DRINK AND DRUGS

Next one, avoid drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana or

any drugs really. Look we're going to need your at full power so

you can heal as fast as possible.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

100
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

Drugs and alcohol make you weak physically, mentally and

emotionally. In the nutrition chapter I explain how mood lifters

only harm you in the long run.

EATING JUNK FOOD

Next one, avoid junk food. Eat well. Look after your body. I

am sure you read the nutrition chapter. There are some great
examples of foods that help you heal. Remember what you eat

directly affects how you feel.

BEING A COUCH POTATO

Next, avoid being a couch potato. Go exercise! I told you

about dopamine before, it’s a chemical that plays a role in

happiness. Which is great for someone in your situation. And one

of the best ways to increase your brain’s dopamine levels is to run,

lift, jump and play. So get moving.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

101
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

STALKING YOUR EX
Another one, avoid stalking or threatening your partner. I

know some people do this. I get emails about it all the time. They

tell me “Hey I told her this” or “I warned him about that.”

If you decide it’s over, it’s over. Even if you want to get back
together in future, for now your relationship is done! It’s over. You

need to rebuild yourself before you get back with your ex or meet
someone new.

If you want to heal, if you want to heal completely? Then no

more living in the past. Make a decision. Say enough is enough.

BEING ANTI-SOCIAL

Next thing avoid staying home and going quite for long

periods of time. Socialize with people who can give you positive

energy. It’s extremely important that you don’t hang out with
negative people.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

102
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 10: THE “WHAT NOT TO DO” LIST

AVOIDING THERAPY
Next one, don't be afraid to seek professional help. I myself

have been to therapists before. It’s a great feeling to have

someone listen to you without any judgement.

BOTTLING UP YOUR THOUGHTS

Next one write the closure letter. Don’t leave anything in
your heart. Remember it’s better to explode rather than implode. If

you can say it to your ex, say it and move on. If you’re not in touch,

then write it down. And when you’re writing, don’t hold back get it

all out.

TRYING TO PLEASE YOUR EX

And lastly, avoid trying to please your ex. To you the only

thing that matters right now is your life. So if doing something is

good for you yet maybe not the best for your ex, as long as it does

not hurt them, go ahead and do it.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

103
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

CHAPTER 11:

MORE ON HAPPINESS

I want to talk to you about the main pillars of happiness.

Basically I want to talk about what makes you happy and how you
can become happier much faster than you think.

Happiness! We are responsible for it, every individual is.

Happiness never comes to us just like that. We need to work for it.

However, sometimes, it’s just around the corner. It may seem far

away, yet the reality is that it may be much closer than we realise.

HOW TO LIVE WITH CERTAINTY

You’ve heard me talk about certainty before and knowing

where you’re going with your life. Or simply put just having a path

to be on and living for something.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

104
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

Now, How can you deal with the times of our lives where we
lack certainty and security? What’s the solution? See after a painful

experience, usually a loss, we arrive at points in our lives where we

slowly have to open the doors to new realities.

Ideas our parents never told us. Lessons school never taught

us. Lessons definitely more important than math. I’ll try not to get

too deep here, but I need to speak to you about the concept of

possession and ownership.

WE NEVER OWN ANYTHING

The simple fact is us people never truly own anything forever.

We think we do. We get told we do. But we really don’t. I talk

about this in my other books as well.

Everything we have from materialistic things like a car, house

or money. To our relationships with our parents, kids, and lovers.

Even our own body parts, like our heart, kidney or nose… we never

truly own any of these. Maybe temporarily we can experience

them, however we never actually own them.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

105
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

Most of us are brought up in cultures rooted in the idea of

ownership, and when we lose something precious, we fail to accept

it.

WE NEVER OWN ANYONE

There were days in your relationship with your ex that you
probably really believed this was yours, and your forever... you

bought into a reality that this is it!

You may have thought “Oh My God we found each other!”

And you lived that reality for a while. It’s not a good feeling, it’s a
GREAT feeling to think you have found ‘the one’. I've been there

several times myself.

But as you can see now, things can change with no warning.
This doesn’t mean all relationships are doomed to fail, but there is
always the possibility things won’t last.

Have you noticed those couples who say. “Oh we are never
gonna break up, we’re not like that.” Those are usually the couples

where one of them is having an affair.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

106
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

It’s an art to accept the uncertainty without feeling sad and

just being okay with it. Being happy and accepting that “You know

what, I’m here with them right now, we are together and I’m gonna
love them fully. I don’t know how long it’s going to last. All I know is
right now we’re here together and we love each other.”

Look right now your current relationship have ended and it’s

a very bitter pill to swallow. It’s a big shift yet at the same time, it’s
the greatest gift you ever got in your life.

A NEW AND HAPPIER REALITY

There is a way of living, a way where you don’t get too happy

when gaining something or you don’t get too sad because of

losing something. You can still be very passionate and enjoy things
so much, but do it with awareness. Know that this is just

temporary.

When you understand this fact and seeing the world through

this lense, your life will definitely change for the better. All

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

107
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

interactions, the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you are to
people, everything improves.

POSSESSION IS AN ILLUSION
The lesson here is possession is just and illusion, and

possession does not equal happiness. Look you have a long life in
front of you and I hope it’s going to be a very happy life. I just

want you to avoid attaching emotions to possessions.

You may say. “Ben this is too philosophical, it doesn’t

concern me.” Look my friend. Look at how you’re feeling right now.
This is everyone’s concern. All of us. The more you detach from

owning everything around you, the more stable your happiness

will be.

And look I can’t force you to think this way, it’s 100% up to
you. But I want you to be happy, I want you to move on faster.

I sometimes see people at funerals crying, beating

themselves up and screaming because their great grandfather

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

108
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

passed after 120 years. It’s understandable to be in mourning, but

what did you expect?

Look long term happiness and possessions have nothing to

do with each other. If you are interested to know more about this, I
suggest you study the father of modern philosophy. René

Descartes. Now is good opportunity to read his work, so why not?

PROGRESS EQUALS HAPPINESS

Now the next thing that directly affects our happiness is

something I talked to you about before, and that’s progress.

Progress makes you happy.

Not reaching your end goal but making the progress towards

that goal. There is a chapter on “bouncing back” where I discuss

this in details, make sure you red that several times. I explain that
basically the faster you make progress, the faster you will heal and

move on.

COMPARING HAPPY AND SAD PEOPLE

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

109
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

Now I just want to add something else here as well,

something I find very interesting. And that is the what the major

difference between sad and happy people is.

See happy people actually do experience sadness, grief,

worry, and other so-called negative emotions nearly as frequently

as unhappy people do.

Yet the difference is what happens after the negative feelings

kick in. See happier people are generally able to experience

negative feelings without losing their hope for the future.

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE SAD

Happy people give themselves permission to feel sad, angry,

or even lonely. Yet they remain confident that things will get
better. They don’t allow their negative thoughts to take over.

And you know what happens as a result, their sadness turns

to hope and action rather than regret, anxiety or despair. So I want

you to break this pattern of negative thoughts.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

110
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

HOW TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE

Now this is the most important idea of all if your want to heal

and recover. Finding your purpose. Lacking a purpose in life comes

with a great deal of unhappiness.

I live on level 5 in an apartment building and the lift is really

slow. And the good thing about it is that I get to talk to other

people on lift. And you know what I see everyday? Men and
women coming home from work, dead tired, like zombies,

complaining how they have to run the wheel and just pay the bills.

The sadness I see it in their face, and the pain I hear in their
voice, it’s just lack of purpose. When you are in this situation it’s
common to think “What am I doing with my life? Every day I’m just

doing the same thing and I don’t like it. Worse I have to do it over

and over until I retire.”

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

111
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

THE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE

You know I see two types of people. Regardless of age or

gender. And those are people who do things, and people who

don’t.

I know a guy who’s in a band, he travels, he loves his kids, he

tries new things all the time…

and I know another guy, he’s like a copy of millions of other

people you see every day. He hates his life, he hates his family, he

just drinks beer when he comes home from work.

So what makes these two people different? Hope and

purpose! A purpose and having hope that you’re going get where

you want to be in life. It’s so important.

Look this book is not about finding your purpose but if you

don’t know what your purpose is, you can easily find it with this

formula.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

112
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE FORMULA

Your purpose is something that you enjoy doing. It helps

other people and makes their life better and it helps you make

money.

Find something with those qualities and you have found a

purpose. And with a big enough purpose for your life, nothing can

come between you and permanent happiness.

IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD SOMETIMES

At the end, I just want to remind you that we can’t be happy
all the time. We can be happier than we currently are, but there are

always going to be times that we are not happy and that is really

okay. That’s just a part of being human.

Some people panic when they go through an unhappy

phase, they worry that this phase will last forever

HOW MUCH DO YOU LIVE?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

113
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

Now before I close this chapter, I want to add one more

thing here. Look at a three or four year old kid. Have you seen how

they laugh? They really don’t give a fuck about who’s around and

who isn’t around.

They cry if they want to cry, they laugh if they want to laugh.

They don’t hold anything inside.

Now, what do you think happens to that same kid that used
to laugh like that, that makes them grows up into an adult that

goes weeks or even months without laughing or even smiling?

YOUR PAST 7 DAYS

Sometimes I ask people, “How much you remember from the

past seven days of your life? How many of those moments make
you smile when you think about them?”

And most people look at me and say… “What are you talking

about?” none.

Look my friend, happily accept that nothing is certain.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

114
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

We don’t really ever own any material items or people. If you

haven't already does so, take some time and find your purpose.

QUICK TIPS FOR HAPPINESS

Here’s a few more quick tips you can use right now.

EXERCISE
Exercise, this is great since it gets you access to the happy

hormone Serotonin.

Even just seven minutes is very effective. I am so sure you

can fit even minutes into your daily schedule for exercise. Go for a

quick run, lift some weights, just do something. Do something that

gets your body moving.

FORCE A SMILE
Force a smile, yes fake if you have to. I know at first it doesn’t

feel comfortable, but after a while it changes!

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

115
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 11: MORE ON HAPPINESS

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE

I want you to think about it and constantly remind yourself

that no one’s going to give happiness to you. You are the only

reliable source of your happiness.

As good as it feels to rely on someone else’s love, it just

won’t work that way. I hope I gave you some ideas for you to think

about it.

Read this chapter a couple times, and remember, once you

can be happy on your own, then you can have a great relationship
that is not rooted in neediness.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

116
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

CHAPTER 12:

SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

Now I want to talk to you about something a bit strange.

Something that when I first heard it, made a lot of things that
never made sense to me become clear.

If you do the two exercises I’m about to share with you, I

guarantee the way you feel will change dramatically.

All right let’s go.

ALL THAT MATTER IS HOW YOU FEEL

See this book is really about one thing. How you feel. And if
you think about it, you realise our whole life is about the same

thing. Everything you do is to either avoid pain or gain pleasure.

That’s a classic by Tony Robbins.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

117
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

You’re reading this now because you want to feel better. We

go to work to make money so you can buy things and enjoy the

feeling of owning them. We get into relationships because the

company, love and intimacy make us feel better.

WORLD’S MOST ADVANCED MACHINE

Now your body is one of the most developed and complex

systems on the planet. I want you to listen to this very carefully

because this is going to make a lot of things make sense for you.

You have billions of cells in your body and they all work
flawlessly in harmony together. You have billions of neurons just in

your brain and they are also working together perfectly and

automatically.

All your systems, like your brain, heart, kidneys, liver, your

five senses, emotions, pain, fear, everything you can think of is

being looked after.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

118
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

IT DOESN’T RUN YOUR HAPPINESS

However! There is one thing it cannot do. And that one thing

is controlling your happiness. Your system is not responsible for

your happiness.

Believe it or not, that is the one thing most people in the

world struggle with today. Happiness.

See your autopilot is not responsible for your happiness. It is

responsible for keeping you alive with an average to low quality

emotional life. Not happy, just alive.

It makes sure you just survive and you don’t die too fast. Sad

or happy, it doesn’t mean anything to it. And it’s totally up to you

if you're happy or not.

FINDING HAPPINESS

So what is the deal? How can you shift the way you feel?

How can you be happy? Listen very carefully to this because this is

one of the biggest secrets to happiness.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

119
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

Your happiness, which is our goal, is directly determined by

what you consciously think about every minute of every day.

WHEN YOU WAKE UP

When you wake up, your mind has taken over with the
negative thoughts. The default is not positive. The default is to

focus on everything that is wrong and everything that could

possibly go wrong.

So when you wake up in the morning feeling like crap, I want

you to remind yourself, that feeling is not the reality. It’s just the

negative thoughts you have accumulated when you were sleeping.

Every morning you got a choice how to start your day. Every
morning you can consciously change the way you feel when you
wake up. It ‘s going to take some work when you first start, but

you’ll get there.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

120
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

YOUR BRAIN HAS TWO PILOTS

I want you to think about it this way. Think about your

feelings like an airplane. There are two pilots flying the plane.

When you forget you’re in charge and responsible for focusing on

what’s good, guess what happens?

You focus on what’s wrong! The other pilot takes control and

you think about your ex. You think about the life you are not going
to have together or all other things you don’t have right now.

You need to learn how to consciously focus on the positive

and what’s right in your life. Rather than what’s wrong with your

life and what you don’t have right now. You need to fly this plane.

Yes, you are responsible for the way you feel. And every
minute of every day you need to remind yourself of the fact. No

one else can do it for you.

If you think you have nothing to be grateful for, if you think

your life is ordinary or worthless. If you think you’re lonely and

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

121
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

there is really not much to your life… Then let me ask you a few
questions.

BEING GRATEFUL EXERCISES

First, how much money do you want in return for one of your

arms? 1 million? 2 million? 10 million? I don’t think you’d agree to

any price.

Now here’s the 2 exercises I was telling you about. You’re

going to need a close friend and a piece of rope.

EXERCISE 1
Get a rope and ask your friend to tie your arms behind your

back, make sure you don’t hurt yourself. Just tie them so you can
not bring them forward.

Now try taking a shower. I really want you to try to do this.

Now with your hands still tied, try drinking a glass of water. You

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

122
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

probably have no idea how much luxury you have just by having
arms.

Take this as a reminder. If you feel you’re really depressed, if

you feel you are sad, if you feel you’re really out of moves, then do
these exercises. Because there is no better way for you to

appreciate what you have.

There is a common syndrome most people have. They read

things like this and say “oh, I know, I know, I know. I get your point”

and they don’t actually do the exercises. I want you to do them.

EXERCISE 2
Here is the other exercise you can do. Get your friend to

blindfold you for 30 minutes. And then try to go for a walk outside.
Just make sure someone’s watching you, so you don’t hurt
yourself.

I want you to promise me that you do these two exercises. If

you really think there is not much to your life, if you think you’re

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

123
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

depressed, if you think you’re sad, if you're really hurting right

now, then it’s absolutely necessary that you do these exercises.

If you spend one hour doing these two exercises your life will
change forever, I promise you that.

REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE

You know I sometimes go to hospital and speak to terminal

patients. I ask them. What would you do if you had a second

chance? It’s not fun, trust me. Visiting people who’re about to

move on is very confronting. But it’s a powerful reminder.

We forget what we have. Moments of pain and struggle like

what you’re going through right now, are perfect times for you to
remind yourself of how incredibly lucky you are to just be read this
book.

Take this as a sign, this material found you for a reason. So

get a friend to watch you and do those two exercises I mentioned

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

124
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 12: SAD? DEPRESSED? STRUGGLING?

above. You’ll be blown away with how you see things differently
after just an hour of doing them.

And when you wake up every morning, remind yourself…

There are two pilots flying the plane. You need to make sure

the right pilot is in charge. You have to consciously avoid focusing

on what’s not working in your life. Think about what you do have

and be grateful for it. You are so lucky just to be where you are
right now.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

125
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

CHAPTER 13

A LUXURY PROBLEM

Right now how you feel is more important than anything.

After your separation you can very much become focused on one
thing. And that this is what you have lost and how terrible

everything around you now is.

Yes your situation is uniquely difficult and no one feels the

pain the way you do. No one feels exactly what you’re feeling right

now. Yet at the same time, if you think about it deeply, you may

realise that your sadness is a luxury problem.

Now you might ask “Ben what is a luxury problem? That

sounds crazy, does such a thing even exist?” Well, yeah it does.

WHAT IS A LUXURY PROBLEM?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

126
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

I’m going to show you a photo that might be a bit

disturbing, but I really want you to look at it for a second.

EXAMPLE 1
Look at this photo

Now let me ask you something. What are the biggest

concerns of the person wearing these shoes?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

127
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

Do you think they are worried about their next hot date? Do
you think they're worried that their iPhone is getting out-dated

and how they now need to get the new iPhone?

Of course not!

Their concern is about the next time they get to eat food!

Something that to you and I and basically most people we know

have access to. To us food is just something that is always there.

You have a fridge. You have a computer for God’s sake! You

get to read this book.

EXAMPLE 2
Now take a look at these kids.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

128
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

Do you know what you’re looking at? It’s their bedroom!

I’m not trying make you feel bad, I just want you to know

that these are real people like you or I. These are people with

feelings. People who never get to see or experience life the way
you and I can.

Look I understand how painful your situation is, I have

experienced the pain of a breakup several times. There are times in

my life that I had a hard time just breathing because I missed my

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

129
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

ex so much. Yet at the same time I want you to think about your
breakup up this way. Your breakup is a luxury problem.

I am not sure who it was who said this…

“If you’re hungry you have only one problem. You’re hungry!

But once you have food, then you have 100 new problems!”

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

Take a look at Abraham Maslow’s human needs chart.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

130
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

There are many ways to look at your breakup but realise that

your separation is a high end problem. It’s pretty clear what this

chart is. Spend some time and have a look at it.

Now let’s get back to your world.

6 FACTORS OF HAPPINESS

On the surface level, there are the six elements that affect

your happiness and the amount of time you will need to heal. I

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

131
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

always find charts pretty useful, because visual presentations are

very easy to grasp.

YOUR HABITS
First thing, and the most important thing is the post breakup

‘What Not To Do List’. Several places in this book I have mentioned

this list. There is a chapter dedicated to this topic and you can find

the list in there.

This list lays out very specific things you should do and very

specific things you should NOT do. I highly recommend you read
this list if you want to recover faster.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Next is your current relationships and your new relationships.

How social are you? Are you meeting new people? How is your
relationship with your friends, family and peer group.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

132
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

If you stay inside all day and do nothing, if don’t go out and
meet new people, you’ll have a harder time healing and moving

on. Even if you’re introvert, go out and talk to a new person.

YOUR HEALTH
Next thing of course is your fitness and health. If you keep
drinking and smoking your troubles way, you’re going to keep

hurting.

Yet if you go to the gym, do yoga, exercise, you’ll heal faster.

Again if you haven’t already, please make sure you read the
chapters on nutrition and morning rituals.

YOUR FINANCES
Your Finances. Now let me say one thing here. I know quite

few financially secure men and women or are still very depressed.

Money does not have much to do with your happiness, but if

you go through this stage of your life not having to worry about

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

133
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

waking up six in the morning to go to work, you obviously will

have a much easier time recovering.

YOUR JOB
Which brings us to work. How much do you love your job?

Or do you hate your job? This is a big one because it’s something
you can do every day and if you don’t like your job, it can be pretty

draining.

YOUR PASTIMES
And lastly “Fun”. How much time a week do you spend doing
something you absolutely love? As strange as it sounds, most

people don’t do anything they like for months at a time! If you’re

not doing anything your enjoy, I recommend you start now.

So to just quickly recap, check out Abraham Maslow's

hierarchy of needs. Remind yourself that your problem is a luxury

problem. I know it probably makes you angry or annoyed to think

about it this way but that’s just how it is.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

134
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 13: A LUXURY PROBLEM

SPIRITUALITY

Now there is one thing that over writes everything else. It can

turn your life completely around if you spend enough time on it.
I’m talking about your spirituality.

I am not going open that door here because honestly I am

not sure how to explain it, they’re very difficult concepts and
personal concepts. But if you have time or if you’re interested, go

explore this area.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

135
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

CHAPTER 14:

THE LAST RESORT

This is one of the most personal things I’ve ever written. It’s a

very sensitive topic that I usually don’t discuss. However if it helps

just one person out there, then it was worth the effort.

Now you may be a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Satanist or

not believe in anything, and that’s okay. I myself am not religious.

We won’t open that door. However I do remember a few years ago

I was in a really messed up situation.

A PERSONAL STORY OF MINE

It was going through a very painful long distance breakup.

This was causing issues with my very close friends and my job. It

caused many problems, basically anything that could go wrong,

was going wrong for me

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

136
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

Back then I didn’t know the things I know today. I had

nothing to turn to. I had exhausted all my resources, everyone was

sick of hearing my sob stories and I was basically left alone in a

very dark place.

One night something strange happened. I was in bed trying

to fall asleep and just started talking to myself and begging for

help.

I was so, so, so, so shocked. What is going on? I don’t even

believe in God or angels! Why am I asking for help? I don’t

remember exactly what I was saying but it was something like this...

“Just a little help! Please! I know I haven’t been in touch, I

know I don’t believe in you, but I really need your help right now!”

IT BECAME AN ADDICTION
It was really strange because it gave me such an incredible

peace. It turned to an addiction. I never told anyone about it

because it’s very personal. I’m telling you now because I want you

to take advantage of this just like I did so you can recover faster.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

137
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

I started to believe I have a new friend, not an actual friend

but someone no one else knew about. Someone who was looking

after me.

Maybe it was all just delusions brought on my my suffering.

Maybe it was all just imaginary. But looking back it made my life

much during that time.

So build a relationship with something or someone. It’s no

one’s business but your own. And ask for strength, health, and

patience when you need it most.

If you think about it, you might realise that there is a reason

this idea so popular. Almost 85% of the people on this planet

believe in something higher than ourselves. And it’s usually

something we don’t really focus on until we get into trouble.

I’M NOT ADVOCATING

Like I said I am not advocating any specific religion, belief

system or culture. I just want you to take advantage of this idea. It

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

138
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

can be a game changer for you. It can be the thing that really
changes everything for you.

And I understand you might have a hard time believing in

this stuff. Because I know I did. I didn’t want to believe in
something just because someone else told me it’s good to have

faith.

And that’s why I liked asking for help when I did. Because I
connected to it without anybody telling me to do it.

DO YOU THINK YOUR AN ACCIDENT?

Look at a computer. Would you believe no one made this?

That it’s just something that one day happened by accident and
that we don’t know how it came to be.

How could this be true? Seriously, how could this be? You

think about it. What do you think?

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

139
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

It makes perfect sense that this incredible technology, your

body, The world’s most advanced system, your liver, kidneys, heart

and lungs, all of these intense emotions you’re feeling, you really

believe it just happened by accident?

Fuck no! Of course this is a designed technology.

I’ll leave it there but I want you to think about this because

that can change everything for you.

And also I want to talk to you about something that boosts

my confidence everyday! It gives me peace and an incredible

amount of conviction in whatever I do.

EVERYTHING IS ON TRACK
See whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. And we
can’t do much about it. We really can’t. So have faith there is

something out there looking after you.

All you need to do is just do your best, be optimistic, have

hope and constantly remind yourself that...

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

140
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

“I am being looked after!”

That’s as far as you need to go.

DON’T MAKE THINGS HARDER

You know some people make life so much more complicated

than it really needs to be. You may wonder why is this damn life of

mine so hard right now if there is something looking after me?

Why am I in so much pain?

Honestly, I don’t know. I am not spiritually enlightened

enough to be able to answer that question. And I don’t really care

because there is no answer to that question.

Humanity is not intelligent enough to answer that question.

All I know is what I really know in my heart. And that is ‘faith

creates peace’. And peace is what you want right now.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

141
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CHAPTER 14: THE LAST RESORT

HAVE FAITH YOU’LL BE OKAY

So have faith. Believe something is looking after you and

whatever is suppose to happen, will happen regardless. All you

have to do is do your best and look after yourself.

And look my friend this is something very sensitive and

personal. When I was writing this I knew this was not just a words

on a page, this was something very personal. So please take this

with open heart.

I really hope this helps you.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

142
 GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
HOW TO RECOVER FROM YOUR BREAKUP FAST

CONCLUSION: WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

CONCLUSION:

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

Thank you so much for investing your time into this book.

We have really covered a lot. Although this is the end of this book,
this is just the beginning for you.

I’ve said it before, this book is not meant to be read like a

novel that you only read once. So make sure to keeping coming

back to this often.

Only by continuously referencing and re-reading this book

will the idea’s we discussed become second nature to you. So

make sure you go back and read the parts you need to work on.

Remember, we are all a work in progress and I am always

here to help you on your.

Getting Over A Breakup by Ben Baker © 2016, All Rights Reserved

143