Peace
Was Never
An Option
Adam Schwaninger
They say animals are people too.
Time to put that to the test.
Peace Was Never An Option
is a tabletop roleplaying game about animals on the fringes of society doing things normal people do.
You’ll need some index You may eat their trash to We’re talking about
cards or paper, 2 six- survive, but you’re not some animals trying have
sided dice (2d6), and human’s pet. picnics, go shopping,
some friends. drive cars, etc. Chaos
ensues.
Start
One of you is the game moderator (GM). Everyone else chooses an animal. Don’t double up.
Together, decide where this slapdash story of animal shenanigans takes place. A quick way to get
started is to begin with a town that everyone is passingly familiar with, then change it as needed to
suit the story.
Next, decide what perfectly normal human activity your woodland creatures are going to try to do
today. If nobody has an idea or can’t agree, the GM can use the random tables for inspiration.
To play, describe what your animals do. The GM describes the world and its inhabitants reacting to
the animals. Together, set boundaries for appropriate content and safety.
ROLL
When an action is risky or uncertain, discuss possible outcomes and roll 2d6, adding an
appropriate skill:
Move when speed, power, or control is important. Steer a shopping cart down a flight of stairs to
get away from grocery store employees. Carry a heavy coconut by its husk. Dodge traffic.
Sneak when going unnoticed, blending in, or caution is important. Hide inside a shopping cart to
avoid suspicion. Look for dangers before crossing the road. Take a child’s sandwich without being
noticed.
10 or more: Awesome! You do the thing and avoid the risk.
7-9: Just scraping by. You can still do the thing, but it’ll cost you.
6 or less: Setback. It’s up to the GM whether you make progress or not, but the risk is definitely
realized.
Help by asking another animal how you could help. Maybe that’s its own roll, maybe not. If you do
that, they get a +1 and you share the risk. Some actions aren’t possible without working together,
like balancing on each other and wearing a trench coat to pass yourselves off as just an ordinary
customer.
Role
Every animal has a unique skill, something only they can do or something they do better than
anyone else. Any animal can bite or scratch, but only the Goat can Headbutt.
Roll your unique skill when it’s a better fit than Move or Sneak. Sometimes the unique skill will let
you take an action that would normally be impossible for other animals. Most animals can’t pick
locks, but the Raccoon has Hands - it can try!
Everyone
Be a fan of the players and the game. Nobody is out to get anyone. You’re all friends and
people first. It’s just a game.
GM
Treat each session with the gravitas of a heist film. Make rulings to cover gaps in the
text, and revisit them later if needed. Move the spotlight around so everyone gets a
chance to shine. Ask questions and riff off of the answers.
Scenes
Remember that animals can’t read. Zoom in when animals attempt tasks that would be
easy for a human. Bask in the absurdity. Gloss over lengthy overland travel in favor of
setting scenes where animals interact with society.
Danger
Keep the threat of physical harm distant. Most people aren’t going to attack random
animals. Shooing away, yelling, moving away, and calling animal control or the police
are more likely.
Wildlife Other animals in the area won’t have the mysterious drive to be people that the players’
animals do. They may want things or know things but generally are not up for grocery
shopping.
Raccoon
Move +1
Sneak +2
Hands +0 Goose
You have thumbs Move +0
Sneak +1
Honk +2
Distract, annoy,
threaten
Owl
Move +1
GOAT Sneak +1
Move +2 Look +1
Sneak +0 Find hidden things, spot
Headbutt +1 danger, know what’s
Knock people over, open around
doors, establish dominance
Alpaca
Move +1
Sneak +1
Cute +1
Charm, defuse Squirrel
Seagull danger, be Move +2
Move +1 nonthreatening Sneak +1
Sneak +0 Hoard +0
Mine +2 Retrieve almost any small item
Aggressively claim
people’s stuff
Perfectly Normal Human Activities
11 Take a shower and get dressed 41 Go bar hopping
12 Wash the dishes 42 Go bowling
13 Mow the lawn 43 Attend a concert
14 Vacuum the house 44 Win prizes at the carnival
15 Do the laundry 45 Shoot some pool
16 Cook dinner 46 Take dancing lessons
21 Go grocery shopping 51 Attend a wedding
22 Commute to work 52 Officiate a wedding
23 Attend a sales meeting 53 Put on a play
24 Pick the kids up from school 54 Go to prom
25 Order drive-thru fast food 55 Visit a museum and get a souvenir
26 Walk the dog 56 Check out books from the library
31 Attend a birthday party - don’t forget a gift! 61 Go to an amusement park
32 Score tickets to the big game 62 Celebrate Thanksgiving
33 Visit the zoo and gawk at the animals 63 Go on a cruise
34 Ride the bus 64 Fly on a plane
35 Play a team sport 65 Campaign for office
36 Go to the movies 66 Attain land and title
What’sOrin this trash can?
back seat, dumpster, etc.
11 Pristine can full of rusty nails 41 Empty toilet paper tube
12 So many receipts 42 Scratched CD
13 Odd sock with a hole in it 43 Overdue library book
14 Rumpled child’s shirt 44 Frisbee
15 Ripped pants 45 Tourist pamphlet about a giant artificial cowboy
16 Empty Iron Eagle II DVD case 46 Orange peels
21 Empty beer bottle 51 Moldy bread
22 Loose spaghetti 52 Stale pizza crust
23 Incomplete stereo instructions 53 Bills
24 Bloodstained clamshell packaging 54 Kids’ meal toy
25 Packing peanuts 55 Perfectly good battery
26 Cardboard box flattened for recycling 56 Nasty banana peel
31 Car keys 61 Wads of soiled tissues
32 Peeps 62 Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
33 A half-eaten wilted salad 63 Month-old french fries
34 Dregs of soda in a dented can 64 Broken crayons
35 Dingy sunglasses 65 Queen’s Greatest Hits on cassette tape
36 A mannequin hand 66 Rusty can full of pristine nails
Cover image CC BY Alex Areny. Interior art and text by Adam Schwaninger. Inspired by the Apocalypse World system by Vincent and Meguey Baker.
Special thanks to Untitled Goose Game by House House and Honey Heist by Grant Howitt.
