Overcome Negative Emotions
When you are upset, you can take control of your emotions by taking a step back, breathing
deep, and gaining emotional distance before trying to deal with any situation. Don’t wait until
you’re in a challenging situation to decide how to calm yourself down. Instead, take a moment
now to brainstorm five things that make you feel better when you’re upset. You can also use
the following powerful tools for shifting your emotional state.
The 5 second rule (made famous by speaker Mel Robbins). Anytime you have a thought or
emotion that is leading down a path you don’t want to go, you can stop it in its track by using the
5 Second Rule, which gives you 5 seconds to take action to change your state.
Why 5 seconds? Because if you allow a negative emotion to fester for more than 5 seconds, it
will gain in strength and momentum and once escalated, emotions are difficult to control.
Because if you wait more than 5 seconds to act on an idea of something you want to do, you will
talk yourself out of it. Your mind will bring up all of the reasons you “shouldn’t” do it. It will
tell you why you’re justified. You know what you need to do… but your mind, if you don’t step
in, will think—“I don’t feel like it.” Well, unless what you’re trying to do is 100% pleasurable
you will NEVER “feel like it”. By taking action, any small action, within 5 seconds it you
outsmart your own brain. Plus, counting down to 1 gives your brain the signal that you’ve
reached the end and it’s time to move!
5 Second Motivation: Next time you’re feeling nervous and lacking motivation to do what you
know you need to do, use the 5 second rule to TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION STEP. When
the thought comes, “I should return this phone call I’ve been putting off” count 5… 4… think of
where your phone is… 3… 2… reach for your phone… 1… dial the number.
5-Second Calming: When you’re starting to feel emotions rising, whether it’s frustration or
anxiety, your best tool for staying calm is to breathe. If you find yourself getting emotional:
Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose
Hold it for 5 seconds, while counting from 5 to 1
Slowly release it through your mouth
Repeat several times if necessary
5 Second Action: When you know reacting negatively to a situation—such as knowing you
shouldn’t say something snarky to that person in the office that always pushes your buttons—
will cause problems, instead of reacting, TAKE ACTION! Count 5… tell yourself reacting isn’t
worth it… 4… 3… think of something nice to say (or plan your exit strategy)… 2… make your
move to say or do something 1… congratulate yourself for choosing not to react negatively.
5 Second Redirection: Another technique that works great for shifting your emotional state is to
redirect your thoughts. When you first catch your monkey mind off on a tangent or you sense an
unwanted emotion within you, immediately start counting from 5 to 1. In that 5 seconds DO
SOMETHING with your body. Anything. Close your eyes. Clap your hands together. Strike a
power pose. This distracts your thought process. Then, when you get to 1, take this time of
mental clarity to determine a more empowering perspective.
De-Escalating Anger: Once you’re already in a heightened state of anger, it will take longer
than 5 seconds to de-escalate your emotional state. To calm yourself down from anger, start with
the 5 second calming activity, holding a deep breath for 5 seconds and counting from 5 to 1.
Then, place your hand over your heart. Feel your heartbeat. Focus on your breathing and your
heartbeat for 2 minutes. Doing this has been shown to synchronize your brain and your heart.
Remember when we talked about how the prefrontal cortex (the logical thinking part of our
brains) shut off when intense emotions are present? Well, doing this hand-over-the-heart
technique turns it back on. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation so you can take
these 2 minutes to calm down.
Stop Yourself from Crying: When frustrated, overwhelmed, or sad, you may find yourself
feeling like you’re going to cry at work. You can use the 5 second rule to calm yourself in this
situation as well. Start with the calming breath, holding for 5 seconds and counting down to 1. In
this case, breathe in REALLY deep through your nose. You can repeat this several times. It also
helps to take a drink of water. Swallow hard. Yawn. Blink rapidly. Lift your shoulders high or
make a power pose. Smile. Then do something to distance yourself, such as leaving the room if
possible, or comfort yourself by getting a cup of coffee or putting on a comfy sweater. Change
what you’re thinking about to something neutral or happy. If you need a moment to compose
yourself, ask for it. And remember not to keep these emotions in indefinitely. Allow yourself to
address how you feel at another point, once you’ve regained your composure or are in privacy.
And, if in the end you feel you need to cry, let it out. It’s a signal a core issue is being addressed
and facing it can lead to long term resolution.
