The higher your emotion (higher cortisol release), the lower is your intelligence.

So, anger
or frustration is a paralyzing emotion. Unfortunately, it is also somewhat intoxicating in the
feeling of power that often comes with it. This is not a good combination for releasing anger and
getting back to effectiveness.

Emotional smarts and general intelligence may be more closely linked than previously
thought, new research suggests. 

When you are upset, angry or scared a part of your brain (the amygdala- where
emotional memory resides) releases chemicals that shoot through your body to protect
you, the flight or fight syndrome. 
This title is not a statement but a fact, have you ever wished you could take back what
you said, the email you sent while in that moment of upset or anger or I can’t believe
he/she did/said that?  I know you have heard the term, you should sleep on it, and it
will look different in the morning.    Well, here’s why it will look different in the
morning. 
So when this chemical gets released to protect you is gives you adrenaline to run,
flight, fight or freeze. 

 STOP- disengage quickly, count to 10, do anything to create a pattern interrupt

Anger, frustration, annoyance and their kin alert the brain to go into
fight or flight (or freeze) mode. This can show up as highly expressive
negative behavior or calm-seeming logical rationalization or baiting.
The faster you intervene using internal-awareness and internal-
management, the faster you return to intelligent thoughts, feelings,
actions and results. The more positive the dynamics you create for
your life, the more resilient you will be.
Changing your mindset comes down to reframing the thoughts you are having or the statements
you are making about the other person. The goal is to move away from attacking the other
person and instead suggest ways the two of you can identify and solve the real problem.
 “When Emotions are high, intelligence is low.”

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment when you were emotionally
charged, that you wish you could have taken back?
 
The old saying of “sleep on it, because it will look different in the morning” comes into play
here.
 
When we’re scared, angry or upset, a part of our brain kicks in that’s way more primal than the
logical, rational side of our brain.
 
Our amygdala is where our emotional memories are stored and when we’re full
of negative emotions it kicks in and releases our “fight, flight or freeze” chemicals which puts us
in survival mode.
 
This is fine if we need to protect ourselves to survive, but not the best part of our brain to make
good decisions with if we’re trying to resolve an argument or problem solve a situation.
 
Because of the high stress kinda world we live in, our primal brain is kicking in a lot more than it
actually needs to, putting our rational brain, the neo cortex, in the passenger seat.
 
When emotions are high, you’ll be hi jacked by the amygdala.
 
Then you’ll be much more likely to react instead of respond to whatever situation you’re facing.
 
You can spot the warning signs of the primal brain kicking in.
 
Your heart rate and breathing will increase, you’ll feel like your brain is foggy and your
perspective and judgement is off, you have less self-control and seem to make more mistakes
and you might be a bit more cranky and snappy than usual.
 
When you notice these things, take a time out.
 
Stop what you’re doing, walk away for a bit, focus on your breathing and getting present and
grounded.
 
Reframe your negative, limited thinking to powerful curious questions, allowing yourself to see
the situation in a different light.
 
Seek out information to gain a different perspective.
 
You cannot feel a positive and negative emotion at the same time so focus on thoughts that out
you in a state of gratitude.
 
Ask yourself “what could be good about this?”
 
Something I get my clients to do to reduce their risk of reacting/overreacting to a conflict with
someone is to get into “brain dump mode.”
 
For example, if you’re having an argument with your partner over text, how likely are you to
regret what you said the next day?
 
Instead of writing something to them that you might regret, write it out in the notes section of
your phone exactly how you want to say it to them in that moment.
 
Then put it aside for the rest of the day, or the next few hours – sleep on it if you can.
 
Then go back to the message at a later time when you’ve calmed down and are more likely
to respond rather than react.
 
Do you still want to send the same message?
 
Often, you won’t at all.
 
And sometimes, in the space in between, the space you allowed in without reacting, things may
just have resolved themselves.
 
Try this out the next time you’re feeling hi jacked by your primal brain.

 STOP- disengage quickly, count to 10, do anything to create a pattern interrupt and
engage the Neo Cortex, the thinking part of your brain.
 OXYGENATE- Breath, bring oxygen back to your brain
 SEEK INFORMATION- Ask powerful questions that matter, gain perspective, be
genuine and sincere, replace certainty with curiosity
 STRENGTHEN YOUR HEART- Gratitude and appreciation, the brain cannot experience
fear and gratitude at the same time, gratitude releases counter chemistry to a hijack

Self-Reflection:

 Which form of emotional trigger is your own typical default behavior: angry expression
or arguing logically and determinedly illogical and indefensible things?
 What is your commitment to taking charge of this?
 What centering strategies will you use that will allow you to take the higher ground?
 When will you start?
 How will you measure your growing successes?
 How will you take note of your improved resilience?

Changing your mindset comes down to reframing the thoughts you are
having or the statements you are making about the other person. The goal
is to move away from attacking the other person and instead suggest ways
the two of you can identify and solve the real problem.
 Ad hominem

(Attacking the person): This fallacy occurs when, instead of addressing someone's argument or
position, you irrelevantly attack the person or some aspect of the person who is making the
argument.

You attacked your opponent's character or personal traits in an attempt to undermine their argument.

Ad hominem attacks can take the form of overtly attacking somebody, or more subtly casting
doubt on their character or personal attributes as a way to discredit their argument. The result
of an ad hom attack can be to undermine someone's case without actually having to engage
with it.