A MURDER OF CROWS A Marder of Cows received ts New York premiere at Primary Stages [Casey Childs, Artistic Director] on Apsil22, 1992, with the following cast: NELLA ‘Anne OSclivan SUSANNAH Jan Leslie Harding HOWARD ‘William Mesnik ononcrn saver Hamilton” RAYMOND Stephen Mellor ANDY Reed Birney cnowr "Tina Dudek crow? Ray Xifo crows David Van Tieghem Directed by Jim Simpson; Scenic Design: Kyle CChepulis; Costumes: Bruce Goodichs Lighting De- sign: Brian Aldous; Composer and Sound Designer: David Van ‘Tieghem; Choreography: Tina Dudek, Stage Manager: Melanie White“The author would like tothanethe following for their gen cerous support The New York Foundation forthe Ars, The John Simon Guggeahcim Foundation, and the National En ‘dowment forthe Arts. The author would also like to thank the Bellagio Study & Conference Center of the Rockefeller Foundation, and the staat the Villa Serbelloni, where this play was wait. sors: The occational appearance of an asterisk (9) inthe ‘idle ofa speech indicates thatthe next speech begins 0 overlap atthat point. A double asterisk indicates that later speech (not he one immediately following) begins to over Jap at that point. The oveclapping speeches are all clarly marked in the text. SCENE ONE A fron porch of an American-ype house. Only: no house. A woman, WELL, stands on the porch looking out. Her daughter, SUSANNAX, stands a ‘fo yards down stage with on enraptured look on ‘er face, also looking out. eta: My husband was of ordinary size and s0 was the house. This pat ofthe country presents a problem. It don’t fit on the map right. That’s because ‘we're downwind of the big reactor. [Not to mention the county dump, where that hellacious grease pits, The rivers in this part of the tae all look like bubble baths, and the air's all mustardy. Even the local ocean's a litte oily and waxy. Like a big bow! of custard, wiggly custard. When the kids were kids the sea was normal. Of the logic of the sea my‘younger one, Susannah, ssid: It’s lucky the shallow end is near the beach. A Tot of things bore the mark of fuck ‘upon them. Andy and Susannah were ‘gpod kids till they grew up. They ‘grew up just dandy till they were done with tha, then they got strange. Andy went off to the short war in Jag, and came back strange. Something, in the air there. Susannah took the shortcut to strangeness: she stayed athome. Something in theair here. ~ Lights upon..paic of boos prottuding from-asashub. "That's not Andy. Thae’s dad, and he’s dead. Lights up on AnD, all gilded over, on a pedestal: a sate. ‘That's Andy. He became beautiful inthe war. Pause Just look at that. Beautiful. He doa’s, however, alk no more. Says the wind and the hot and the cold ofthe desert 100k his speaking voice away. Pause Beautiful. Mostly we leave him out in the garden for photosynthesis. And he makes fine sundial. He looks very religious standing in the garden, even in the rain, ‘Now the garden isn’tours. We lost our house. We lost the house because after Dad died we couldn’t make the payments. Payments require cash to back them up. Generally they do. It’s an ominous thing about payments. So we lived in various places, with varions relations who lived variously in various places, ll of them doxmeindiof someching. L's peculia how. . no matter where you are you're always downwind of something peculiar. Pause. ‘These relaions were called Howard and Georgia. They were mostly not home, having gone for the day to the track. ‘They were lucky people, and they always came back with money. MOWARD and GEORGIA enter with shopping bags fullof money. They goup the porch steps, and ou, happy. ‘They dida’t mind us being ther. fastas long as we didn't get underfoot and would rotate Andy from time to time, rorate him so he would not be onidized more on the one sie than the other. Now none of us we were never a religions family except for ‘what you get from watching the Tv, and listening to whoever said what. Don't get me wrong I really think faith is fine thing, I really do. If you can afford it. [really do veish I had more of it, in my heart, because the time comes when you wish you did, especially if "you don’ SUSANNAH: Mother, you're talking like a dumb hick, Why do you do that? Nita: This is Susie, che middle one. Susie has a lack of respect for her elders. SUSAN wan: You know you don’t believe in nothing. You know none of us believe in nothing. ‘Why do you try to cover up? I's shameful ‘enough just being who we are, 30 ‘why make it worse with this hollow 5 pretense. We live in 2 bubble of sham, pure sham NELLA: Susie has never quite evolved from 4 troubled state of adolescent development to something higher. SUSANNAKE I don’t care what you think. T don’t care what anybody thinks, because nothing, ratters anymore, bu the weather. NELLA: Susi talks like ths since she came back fom Iraq—T mean since Andy came back froma Iraq and turned into a public An erie pase. SUSANNaME: Thé weathir is changing, fie weather fs changing for sure, I can smell it. ‘The weather has gota whole wheelbarrow full of surprises up its sleeve for us, Yes ma‘am. NELLA: What do you mean Susie? The weather change ‘every single day. Would you just explain ‘what you are trying to say when you make this kind of remark? Pause SUSANWan: No. The tim is not ripe. The moment4 ‘will come, Everything tht is vertical will become horizontal. Seven feet, with ‘unusual shoes on them, will emerge from seven open doors, doors previous locked tight shut. X will lead ¥ into the night, which will blaze up bright as day. A big pink passle of wind will stream out of a billowy, purple cloud and ask each and every one of usa thing or two he’d like toknow, She goes out wea: What in the name of Sam Hill do you do ‘with a child who talks like that? SCENE TWO The same. WOWARD appears, alone, on the porch cand addreses the audience in a casual, conversa- toned way. HOWARD: Nella’ all right. Only she’s never been the same since the avalanche by the. grease pit. Landfill, o whatever it was. ‘Godaveful shadge heap. That ghastly, wolfish slime. She don’t like to talk about it, and lord knows I wouldn't either. If the shoe fis, wear it, I always says, But Reymond never would've ‘come to nothing; anyhow, you ask me. Cause how you ever gonna amonnt to much if you don’t get focused and put your wheel tothe wall and get a move on. I know, I know. P've been there, the downside ain't my idea of Christmas and Eastet, particularly ‘when you got bubbling hot asphalt, a ‘whole dama lake of it,at thebotwom... « « of the stairs. The way we did, back home in. ..skip it, They don’t talk about that on the Tv, nosiree Bob, they don’ and do youknow WHY they don't talk about it? I'll ell you why because if they did the ordinary joe in the street would say, whoa, we do not like the idea of this bubbly vat of horslime atthe bottom of our basement steps, and ‘we are going to get organized. And there’s that word again, ORGANIZED. You remember?16 It’sa‘good word, you'd better believe it, word for times like these, you'd better believe me. But Raymond now, Raymond ‘was all hear, all heart, bat he was ‘not eut oat for the business. He wanted to be something else. Whatever it was hie wanted to be he never said, but it ‘was something else. You could tell he felt that way because when you'd talk about... ‘well, stuf..important-typestuf, ‘you know...work and...commitment and Sstick-to-ititiveness...what it’s all for.,.be"d Kinda glaze over and hs eyes'd getall glassy and strange. SUSANWam encers Behind him, unseen Like that gil of his. Strange, and wild. ‘Wild ina way that’s out of the ordinary, not just the usual rambunetiousness, and letting off of steam, SUSANWal: Uncle Howard, the weather's going to change. HOWARD: Sure, honey, the weather’s going to change. He looks at her along time. She is fost in her reverie. ‘They've been here six weeks, and I won't say it’s not been hard. It’s been Ea hard. There aren'ta lot of jobs around bere, not jobs a sane man or woman. ‘would want todo. Who wants to cart buckets of grease from the grease tothe county dump all day? Nell’ a fine middle-class lady, and it’s a disappointment for her tobe in the position she i in, of having to clean ‘out airplane restrooms at strange times in the middle of the night. She and Susie too. We fixed up the chicken coop real nice for them. But still it’s an adjustment. But the way I look ait, anything beats hauling grease from the {grease pit. Foreigners do that, people ‘with fezes and berets and bad teeth. Come to think it, they must do something like thatback home where they come from. ‘Only where do you suppose they do come from? SUSANWaAn: Uncle Howard, Tcan realy smell it now. 1 really can, sowanD: Whatcan you smell, Susie? SUSANWA: The weather, of course. You know that. TThe weather's turning itself inside out.8 owanp: Okay, Susie, if you can smell the ‘weather, tell me what it smells like? Pause Come on, tell me what it smells like SUSANNA: [esmells like the empty rooms of god. @RORGIA: Are you two out here? ‘susanwant: What does it look lke? xoRcra: Watch your mouth, young lady. SUSANWAN gets up and goes oue calmly. mowanp: Geongia, calm down. She's only a child. ‘RCIA: Your whole damn family: subnormal. She’s not right in the head, she’s strange: Peculiar: Obfisticated ‘They've een here six months, Joe. owaRp: Howard’s the name, if you don’t mind. Joe was the name of your first husband. ‘ox ORGrA: I know the name of my first husband perfectly well, and I don’t need you to remind me. You're eying to distract me from the subject of your sister and her strange children, Well, it won't work, I won't be distracted. Face facts, Howard, your family is unusual, they are ‘unusually unusual. 19 2 nowanp: Georgia, pipe down, what do you want me 10 do, throw them out? For Christ sake, the breadwinner was buried in an avalanche of radioactive chicken shit, mean all you could see was the sole of one Door, and you want me to throw them cut, penniless, ro live on the streets? Tcan’tbelieve you are capable of that, even with that rivet in your head, Georgia, ezoncta: Allright allright. Fknow you're right, and when you talk lke that, all you do is farther humiliate me, and that's allright too; Pr used-tois Fdon'e mind; t can take it, and itwon’t be the frst time. ‘Only Howard, I have a vision of how good America could be, if only it weren't for ‘your family, particulary chat pat of it ‘currently residing in our house, because “America deserves better than this, I mean this overcrowded, dowa-in-the-damps, small-time depression atmosphere, it just doesn’r hit che nail on the head, it’s not up to suf, Furthermore it’s bothersome and a crying shame, And I know‘we've got tobe hospitable even when we dlon’e give a crap, but why oh why must they smell 0 bad, Jesus, Howard, it drives me rary, the way they stink. That's not normal. ll the people n Michigan can’t smell like that. There must be something wrong with their insides to make a stench like that. They're eating cour food, sit can’t be that, ou food is good, normal American-type food. Nothing 100 unusual, nothing too spicy. ‘They bathe, don’t they? I mean, I've seen evidence of them bathing, so itcan’t be that. Maybe they only pretend to bathe, 4s that possible? Howard, could they be ‘THAT INSANE that they would only pretend tobathe, but scoretly not bathe? HOWARD: Georgia, everyone in Michigan smells thar way. SCENE THREE, Nightfall. sUSANNAM alone outside, in front of the porch, wich a condle. Wind. Eerie wisps of ligh. is she praying? susANNamt I wish Aunt Georgia and Uncle Howard ‘would drop dead, sweet Jesus, or please, PLEASE! at least be distigured horsbly by acid, or heavy machinery. wish they would die very soon, and go away, and leave us the shopping bags of money which they have hidden I know not where. [wish a general pox on all their houses.. Except for that part of the house we live in, Mom and me, and the dogs — ck the dog—fack the dog, and let bm sizale in the fires of hell also—; Dut save our dea kitty, Lucifer Ornamental Pola, dearer to me than anyone, of anything. Because, sweet Jesus, who dwells in the fullness of the clouds and the mist, in the rain, in the sleet in the snow, and even inthe rich amber filigree ofthe ewilight, these relations, all of them, both, are‘wicked, tactless, vicious, nosy, cheap, sleazy, cornball, sadistic even, and not ‘with it, not with tina way that Lfind torally...boring. Pause ‘They do not correspond to the picture of bbumanity 1 have formed in my head. All they think abouts local politics, che cighth race at Aqueduct, and taxes. Taxes, and the price of oil. ‘They think about money too much, and are always complaining about how they need more of it. They make ‘mother and me feel like freeloaders and bums and homeless people, just because we have no money and no place to live. RAYMOND appears, menacingly, behind her, in the shadows. If my father ‘were stl alive he would sweep down upon them with his anger and fire and irom thoras and fails and destroy them like the Indians. He would roar oat of the Tv set and leap upon them and sir cheir throats, and mutilate their bodies and roast them until they were 23 dure to crisp. Then he would stomp on their ashes til there was nothing remaining, but hideous black smudge on the carpet of the living room. Living room! A place T Joathe and look down upon. A “living room” possesses no climate in general, and no weather to speaic of. A living room is like Andy: a useless relic of a long-gone historical moment. Tam not among my kind, and donot even know what my kind are. Ife! strange. She weeps quietly. MOWARD enters, listening. So only the weather interests me. Especially. because I know it’s going to change, and the only person who understands this is me. Because I have a special kind of sensitivity to changes of this kind. HOWARD laughs. ‘Oh, you surprised me. mowARD: Guess I did. But I'd like to know just how the weather’s gonna change. Really! ‘A man could make a small fortane on a thing Hike hat. She's quiet34 at Now, now, [know you're having trouble with Georgia, but you shoulda’: let her bother you. Just because she’s venal old biddy ‘with the mind of a circular saw. SUSANWAH: She’s a hideous, rotten cunt. nowarn: Yes, she’s hideous, rotten cunt. 1's true, but she’s got her feclings too. Life hasn't been too easy on her. We ol folks don’t have enough to do, most of the people wwe hate are dead, or sick, or locked up in jails or nut-houses, and since all we believe in is murder and hatred and envy of anyone ‘who has more Farrthan we de, ie’srough: You're lucky you can sill get excited by the idea of causing someone pain, particularly if they're colored, or an Arab, or look funny. T know it’s hard for you to imagine, but Georgia was beautiful once, god, when she ppt on her robes, at the big Klonvocations, she was beautifil, and her bigotry was beautiful 100, Breathtaking bigotry. Te gives me a hardon just thinking about ber... beautiful bigotry susanwas: I'm waiting for Chris the Destroyer, Uncle Howard, and I know He will ative 2 Mowanp: Weall have a spark of divinity within us, Susannah. Other people can help you find it, but you have to look within. SUSANNAH: It’shard, Uncle Howard. HOWARD: Lknow, sweetheart, I know. You've got to find the murder in your heart. Anice pause ‘Why don’t you go down to the pond, and throw rocks at frogs? That'll cheer you up if anything will. susannast: Thanks, Uncle Howard She goes out. GHORGIA enter Goncra: Wheie’d she go? HOWARD: Down there. Gwoncra: There’s someone who'd ike to have a word with her HOWARD: Who is it? ©BORGIA: A pelican disguised as a flamingo. How should 1 know? HOWARD: If was you I'd puta lid on that crap, particularly as you got that damned rivet in your nog 80KG14: Why don’t you leave off with references to “that rivet” in my head. It’s none of your beeswax.2s sowanb: What'd you do with the money from yesterday? GeoRora: What do you think f did with it? I threw it in the river. wowann: Watch your mouth. cxoncia: You watch your mouth, If it weren't for this rivet in my head we wouldn't be eating tbone and deiaking red wine. By the way, I gota hunch forthe fii race at La Jolla, tomorrow. Pigs in Moonligh ‘9001. A sure thing. Pause. owARD: And who's this someone who wants 0 have a word* with Susannah? ‘ononeta: Says he’s the weatherman. Says he’s ‘trying fo track down a rumor he’s heard, astrange rumor. SCENE FOUR By the pond. Three big, evillooking CROWS on a tree-limh in the distance. SUSANNA alone, throwing rocks at frogs. SUSANWa1E [she crows] Did you know there were no sus spots from 1645 t0 x715, roughly the entire reign of Louis Quatorte, the Sun king? Pheows. Do you know there was no summer at all, all over the worl, in 1816, after the ‘eruption of Mount Tambora, in the East Indies? Throws. + that ust before the Battle of Manzikert inthe eleventh century, huge hailstones fell on the Byzantine camp—each with a perfectly preserved hepatica blossom frozen inside? ‘They looked like eyes. The Byzantines were totally, destroyed by their enemy, the Seljuk ‘Turks of Sultan Alp Arslan, Throws Pm tired of this boring; weather, I want some other, more interesting weather than this, People hunger for times when things change in ways they can’t predict or even comprehend. It’s the psycho-apocalyptic urge. People nced to be reminded thatthe simple ‘things they take for granted: 2 blue sky, _ageasy field 3 glass of water, aren't really that simple at all. Or that even the sir we breathe is shape: shifting wll-o-the-wiso,28 Something in me can tell thatthe world we think ‘we know is about to undergo 2 terrible, cataclysmic transformation. And that we are about to embark oma funhouse ride that'll just get stranger and stranger, and that when we emerge from the other end we may not even be “people” any more; we'll be something els, something finer, harder, cleaner, more murderous but much more spiritual. Matters becoming spivt, chat’ what ie boils own to. And I'm going to be the one who's going to announce i all the world. RAYMOND enters. ‘RAYMOND: Pardon me: 'm from the government: Shows her a badge. susanwaut: You're the weatherman, RarMonD:T'm from the us. Meteorological Survey. SUSANNAM: That's what I said you're the weatherman. A ceepy pase RaYaowD: Ina manner of speaking, yes. SUSANNamt:T've been expecting you RAYMOND: P'm sure you have. Another creepy pause. Nice day, isn it2 29 SUSANNAzt Splendid, Indian summer. St Martin's they callitin Europe. navatonb: Yes, know. Yet another creepy passe ‘There'rea few questions we"d like to ask SUSANNAH: "We"? I see just you. RAYMOND: The “we” refers o my colleagues and myself SUSANWAH: There are more of you? RAYMOND: Many more, We occupy a large building downtown, We do many things. We record data. We'measure isocherms and isobars:’ * ‘We tabulate and hypothesize. We speculate and draw up predictions. We advise the rich and powerfal concerning the weather. ‘We suggest beach days forthe mulitude. ‘We insinuate ourselves into people's lives, ‘We congregate and murmur. Yes, we murmur sweet nothings into the ears of those who donot belong t6 our seerer society, Our society has a secret name. Our society has a socret badge. Shows herx 3r A seoret handshake. ‘ured him into may tall by promising Shows her. him unusual powers. And a secret bat. His aspect becomes normal. Takes it out of hs pocket, and puts it on. I's @ He fal fori, the sucker. crow hat, susanwan: Bot why, Dad? Why? SUSANWAH: Dad, i's you. RAYMOND: Shhh. SUSANNAH: But thought you were dead. ‘RAYMOND: I have enemies in high places, so Thad to pretend, America is not a safe place for people lke you and me, people who have ideas. T have ideas about different things than you, but tha’ all sight. America, America, ia sewer of thé mid: SUSANWAHE: But what about the accident, and how ‘you were buried in slime? nAxmowD: That was not me, that was someone else ‘who looks like me, but was not me. Actually, it was our old neighbor, John Q. Fedup. ‘You must remember John, the man who did not beliewe in the miracle at Horsedark? SUSANNAH: Yeah, the guy with the seary lawn mower RAYMOND: Yes, it was a terrifying lawn mower. His aspect becomes strange. ‘RAYMOND: My enemies had assembled everywhere, inthe thin places of the wind even, znd I knew Irmust act fast. SUSANNAH: Are you sure you're feeling okay, Dad? Pause. RAYMOND: Let’s stick to the subject, and get to the point: let's tall about the weather? SUSANNAM: I think it’s going to change. nAYMOND: think 90 too. Bit precisely Aow do you think the weather will change? susawwart I don’t know. Everybody keeps asking me that. Al know is that I fee! it changing, ever so slightly, even now. xavMtonD: But you must have some notion of what this change will consist of? Of whether the air will grow thin and cold and the glaciers will once more cranch and lasen their way south, pushing all that lives to3 seek refuge i the sunny clime of a dwindling Iuxory cond diaspora. Or thatthe ai will grow thick and hot, and that all kumanity will expire —simultancously crushed, fied, and poisoned by a lethal, new climate like that of our sister planet, Venus. SUSANNaM: All | now is that i will be titanic, RAYMOND: Titanic... SUSANNA: That’ tight Titanic. The whole, entre fabrig of the heavens will burst open, like a ripe fig, and a whole new sky we never dreamt was there, ‘will appear. Only it has been there all along, ‘only we humans haven’tbeen able to see, ‘on account of being chronically short-sighted. nayqowp: And what will his new sky look like? SusaNwaxt: [told you I don’t know. Like a sprig of blossoming mustard. A tender pause. Dad, why don’t you tell me how it happened. I mean, how you came back tollife. Please. I need to know. ‘RAYMOND: Okay, honey. Fair enough. If you really want ro know. Ithappened kinda like this. The cnows begin o sofshoe SCENE FIVE The fireral: a flashback, RAYMOND lies in his coft. NELLA, GEORGIA and HOWARD are uacrling, all atthe tp of thes vues. ‘enonora: He was the fucking meanest son-o lever met, not to mention cheap and conniving. Ske spits onthe deceased. All he ever cared about was his share ‘of the action. Colossal son-of-a-bitch ‘And him and his shoes. Ask anyone about hhim and his shoes, Fucking biggest, dumbest shoes inthe world. Monster shoes. Arab « shoes. He had these green shoes, I meant. Green like a goddam monster alligator pear. Absurd. He looked like a god damn foreigner jn them shoes. What kind of standard-average person would go and put on shoes like that, and him being an American! and go and pretend he was lke one of us, decent and normal? and not lie one of them, Arabs or Hittites or monster moonmen with shoes lke fucking whee!- barrows, fucking reerer-totters. And the hat! the hats were even worse. They were incredible,Mu those ghastly hats. Grotesque, Perverted. If it’s possible for a hat to be obscene, his hats were obscene. I mean. They made you think of things no sane person ought to think of, ever. They were not good-looking American hats lnw-and-order type hats, or patriotic, nilitary hats, or socially eminent counery club or corporate hats, or even energetic and positive-minded and youthful athlete hats, no. ‘These hats was weird, these hats was usterly depraved dago moonman hats, the way they wiggled and wobbled suggested strange fruits and unnatural and sick procliviies: Procliviies char are bese” chained to the wall ofthe state hospital forthe criminally insane, These hats are not my idea of Christmas and Easter and the Fourth of July; these hats do nor go decenily among school childres and farm animals with ther head held high and a tea in their eye as they sing the national anthem and salute the flag, These hats ought tobe pickled in slime, like him, or flarened by a change in ‘the weather, a change of the sort that looney tunes niece of yours has been predicting, HowAnp: You greedy old sows, fighting lke swine ow 35 the dead, it’s outrageous, We're a civilized people. Civilized people don’t ace this wa Civilized people would be acting like civilized people; civilized people would be saying sad* things about the dead, like how worthy and noble they were, and how even if they never did much inife, and were pretty much a loser—a shiftess, unirustworthy, ne’er-do-well—, they sil had a claim on our hears Even if they were like Raymond here, a total fizzle, a colossal existential dad, a complete and laughable failure a all he ever attempted in all his clownish, dipshit, cutzy life; he still vass HUMAN BEING and therefore worta serious moment or so, on the occasion of bis passing into the murk of the next world. One hell of a crow’s world wherelI fear he will be an object of mach merriment among the angels and seraphim and hard. Pause. He vais till ezonGrA’s done, He laughs Aysterzally and starts up once more. Bur confess I never thought much of him ever since we were boys together at high school in Horsedark, and he ratted on me when I looked over Jenny Miller's shoulder and got the answer3 right. He ratted and he ratted and he ratted on ‘me, and I was humiliated in public. I never got over being humiliated in public, and Tam a Christian gentleman so I believe in forgiveness and do not harbor grudges even though I'd like to gouge the eyes out of his head like jelly, because I may be a god-feating American-type guy, a sinall-town, happy-go-lucky Christian-type fellow bat you'd better remember Pm no wimp and if you fuck with me you will die and I don’t never forget nothing nobody done did to me since Twas ten years cold and this pathetic, crypto-commic, this alien stooge, this huaran farce this rabbit-Fatied hiekese ‘goon; this milksop; this weaklings this devious, cevileminded, dirty litle yellow bastard;—man T wish {could've run him through a roaring buzz saw, or chuck him wholehog into a MacCormick Reaper and ‘watch him spill oar the other end like human spaghea! Pause. But don’t get me wrong, I loved the guy: loved the son-of-a-gun. Why, when I think of all de things we done together 1 get the chills. Hay rides in the dark of the moon, baseball in the poison-ivy patch, 37 harmless pranks on smaller, weaker, less entreprencusly-minded kids, and so on and so forts it makes me want to sit down and cry. He was the sweetest son-of-a-gun who ever saked an anthill with kerosene and then tossed the lit match, He breaks down, euLAsT know, I know, know: t's my fault, If only Td been kinder, gentler, more loving and sophisticated none of this ‘would've come to pass. know please forgive me for being such a foo]; { know I've been a total fool with my life, all of i, {including getting poor and homeless afer his death and having to impose like this, on the good will of relations, my dear brother and my sister-in-law, both of you, successful and clear-sighted and pillars of the community, and far above Susannah and me, poor folks who ought to be swepe under the rug, or otherwise disposed of, asone would do with garbage, cat-ltter or moldy old clothes, clothes not even fit forthe Salvation Army.38 9 Pause Fate stinks, on the whole, I would say. Although Iam proud. Iam not bitter. Bitterness is for drunkards, prostiutes, and the unemployed who do not even try 10 ‘gp out and find a job of real work to do, 8 for instance, inthe service industry oF something, even atthe grease pit where they hire Arabs and other Asiatic filths because no white person will lower himself 2o stoop to that horrid, putrid slime and actualy lift whole shovels-ful of the awful seuff and drop it, ick! in the wheelbarrow and not faint from the reek with some man ina fer standing nearby, grinning, wide, his teeth blackened —the ones that haven't been kicked uti fights over gypsy women, liquor and the dice in some ramshackle Asiatic bazaar. And bim not doing a lick of work, while your heart goes boing! boing! as if you had fallen froma high place and hit the pavement. I'm sorry about all of ie, and L now I’m to blame. Long pause as RAYMOND sits up in hs cof RAYMOND: Fuck you, fuck all of you. Tovah selves : “the old face's dead”; well he's not dead. He's not about to give you the satisfaction. He's gonna get right up outa this Fucking coffin and tell you all what he thinks of you. Fuck you, fuck all of you. Because you bunch of dirty, shit-eating swine... All freeze os he gets up out of his cofn and tells them off (the fleze is more a Bored-ector-standing- around-swaiting-for-the-other-guy-torfnish-his- monologue-freeye than the glacial, classic variety) SUSANNAM, inapuddleof light, enters strangely. ‘She touches RAYMOND with awond, and he con- sinus, also svangel. 1 the weather goes on this way stopped being a question and started to sing. the weather gets where it gets pts on its dancing shoes. Al stops are fretted to the bone, being sky-bom and wind-driven. Several seasons rolled in a bag. Concentrate on the whole shebang, ‘Concentrate on the ¥ in the weathers ‘eye and come up snake eyes. Block on block. Fend offends,° 4 Block on another block, dust crows and things worse, weasels even. in the mist closes the clock. Godamighty, i's true. Types of blocks, noced. ‘A block without socks shivers inthe rain, without no dance card. Defetd the cradle of memory from blocks of mist men. For the blank block boots it shoe. ‘And fends off other eyes, other eyes than those. For those grow monstrous inthe mythie woods. For you who got to get, suppose the ‘wrong whether and v. Pause: To SUSENNENT: But they weren’ listening, so waited «ll leter on, at the Funeral home, and erept ‘off to live among the crows. Everyone ‘thought I was dead and buried, only 1 wasn’t. Gotalong fine with the crows. Crows are fine upstanding folks if you treat’em witha litle respect. Its thing I have much wondered on during the course of my Jong and ratchery, rat-bitren life. Others ‘will behave unto you like as how you have done unto them, and that’s a fact. Even Thay look over the frozen ones But hel, chats all history, and I'm like you. I get this Kink in my side that rlls me the weather’s changing, and that makes an optimist of me. Even if Iam homeless, and have lived-with crows and the common people think I died buried in chicken shit right up to the butt end of my boot. SUSANNAuE: Dad,* Tove you. RAYMOND: Hell yes, 1' stil be living with crows if 1 weren't allergic to feathers. SCENESIX Just as before. Coff, CROWS, et. RAYMOND ‘and SUSANNAK simply walk ofrage a the th- cers Break their freeze. The OVHERS are embar- asd bythe previous scene ezonesa: I'm sorry for what I said, Nella, nowano: I'm really shocked by what I said. don’t know what the devil gor ino me. eta: e's okay, I understand. Somerimes big2 emotions get bottled up inside, get wedged there.* And they have co drive a spike through the cranium, or drill a small hole out, out to the clear, bright air of the outside ‘world, so you can slip a saw-blade through and back your way out. It’s notan easy thing, ‘oWARD: No, no, I feel ashamed. ‘GEORGIA: We have so much. I mean, we've been blessed, I mean Howard and me, nd this kind of behavior is really... disgusting. mowann: Georgia here's the luckiest person Pre evermet. Roulette. Horses, ‘younameit. Las Vegas. Atlantic City. Broke the bank at Monte Carlo! ‘Something for nothing: the great dream of this great, big, Incky slap-happy, lovable land of ours, Americal Craps, blackjack. I's amaving, Professionals all assume she cheats, bu she docsn’t cheat. She don’t have tol It’s ll lack, by the grace of god, solhelp me. ronora:] mean, Nella. [never asked to be luckier than you. With your face like char, all serunched over to the left, and the one foor diferent from the other foot. Not to mention the life you've led,” my word! ‘nowann: Yeah, the life you've led, Nella, thas really been a doozy. NELLA: Yes, it’s been difficult, But I'm grateful. 1 believe in inspirational literature. A great deal of inspirational literature has gotten me through the tough times. owanbs That's really great; Nella" Really great: core sa: We tink your bravery s remarkable. weuta: You do? oEORGIA: Yes. A model. A model of something saint like. HOWARD: Exceptional, Heart-warming. And so forth. Pause. NELLA: Well, it has been hard, but P've kept...going... nowarp: You sure have. ‘cxorcra: never would've. I would've blown my brains out, or jumped out of a fifty-story window, or hang myself from the old oak tree or swallowed“4 an overdose of medicine, or slit my wrists, or gone stark, raving mad. wetta: You reach the point...where..it. doesn’t make any sense anymore. cronora: Yes? owann: Go on. Please. wera: don’t think I can. I think Pl cry if L1ry to talk about it all, Pause. ‘Because the reason life was never too easy for me was owing especially to some peculiarities of the family... HOWARD shufles about uncomfortably. Y'msorry, Howard, but Georgia has to hear this: vou see, our family name isn’t really...Phillips* No, Howard, T have to. It’s Babaghanonj. Our great grandfather ‘was a...rug merchant from Istanbul named Nebuchanezzar, Nebuchanezzar Babaghanouy, mowanp: No, no, no, Nella. Please. wetta: We were gypsies really, We used to 39 ‘with Mom to the Milan train station to rob the English and German tourists. Mom would shrick and throw litle 4 ‘Assurbanipal—thar’s the name of our ‘younger brother, lie was dead of the eroup ‘when he was only ten, and actually we ‘weren't gypsies at all, we only acted like them because we thought they were cool and stuff. Actually, we came from a cheesy, Asiatic, mongrel tribe, tribe even worse than the gypsies. Anyway. ‘oxoRora: [really don'tknow what to say. 'm speechl xia: Mom would throw Assurbanipal a the tourist, while Howard would rash up and grab one arm, and I would rush ‘up and grab the other arm, and Mom ‘would dash in, grab the wallet and retrieve Assurbanipal—ho had ‘a good ser of lungs, by the wayl— and we would disappear into the erowd. Pause. ‘oronora: really don't know what to say. And allthe ime [To wowan.p,]| thought you went to Choate and Yale. aL: The carpet business was usta front. BOWARD: I did go to Choate and Yale. But how the devil do you think I paid for it?46 NeeLia: There’re other stories J could tell... Howard could tell them too, but he’s got more of a sense of modesty than me. guess J ough to clam up, though, cout of respect for the dead Pause Faith kept me going all these years. Faith in god n't Nell, for Pete's sake, Don’t... always wondered why you keep all that oriental cloching in the atic, those foxes, those strange pointy shoes. She indicares with her hands. Pause. HOWARD @ NELLA indicus similar. HOWARD: The shoes of our people. NELLA: Getting back to god. I always thought Of god 2s a young man, covered with thorns and spiderwebs. Much like Andy since his return. Minas the gold leaf, and covered all over, lke I say, with thorns and beetles and dead leaves and things. Cheese cloth and ashes. Hair and baiballs. Alien hair. Feathers. Bits of paper, confetti, soot. Stuff 47. like that. I can’t forthe life of me imagine why. Pause ‘But whatever god is, he isa covered god eeoncia: There’ something the matter with you, Nella. Pause. They get tense. HOWARD: Now, now, let's not get excited. Pause. They eas up. Pve always imagined God asa great, big, shiny, black radio. A radio a mile square, made out of something really ight and durable, Bakelite maybe. Like those Bakelite radios they-used to have backein-the fortes: * [A greatbig cube of God the Radio... “An awkvard pause. wewa: J suppose this all..must be part of the mourning process. Ske suddenly brightens ‘eroncrA: think of God in a more traditional way... you know all kinda...tike light through ‘prism... radioactive and glowing... with big hands and big toes protruding from big sandals, leather sandals, of course...8 On his pedestal, ANDY react to thi: HOWARD: I think of heaven asa place like Italy except there are no banks or movie theatres. And it’s always a sunny day. Camellias Hellebore. Hepatica... weit: I would only add that all the houses are normal houses. None of the houses are unusnal houses, with respect 0 size and shape, I mean. eroxG14: That stand to reason. I would prefer white colonial clapboard houses with green shatters, but I can see it your ‘way. At least, if you insist on it... nutas P'd never do that." 1S nor in my narare. oxoRerA: Good. NELLA: think of the entire universe asa spot of rildew on the Jeaf of a sycamore tree, floating on thin aix—in an absolutely gigantic soup tureen, ‘owonGra:I think of the entire universe as 2 centipede infinitely long and infinitely slender, creeping jn an animated fashion over a crystal ball suspended ina...gelatinous void of something like... HOWARD: [think of the entire universe as a bowling balanced on a pyramid. And that pyramid sits on 2 the back ofa big, green turtle. About the color of an alligator peat. Pause. The sro WOMEN lok at eachother. ELLA: What holds up the turtle? owanp: Another rude @BORGrA: And what holds up char rule? HOWARD: That's very clever, young lady, but it’s turtles all the way down The two women look at each other. Pause. NELLA notices the cofin’s empty. GEORGIA screams. A crepy pause. GEORGIA: He’s gone. Where on earth did he go? HOWARD: We'd better notify te authoricies. They-rask of. 81. looks athe coffin for along time, Ske looks all arourd hercelf. ELLA: May never get another opportunity. She gets in. She lies down, Pouse. She cits up. If the shoe fits... Ste lies down,xe SCENE SEVEN Just as before, at the end of sene five, only now NELLA, HOWARD, and GEORGIA walk off leaving SUSANWATE and RAYMOND. CROWS, ‘nfs, and ANDY all as they were. SUSANNAH and WAX MOND unfieege and begin the scene RAYMOND: ¥ the weather begets the heart's, I dunno, Some shall and some shall not and some all the more. Whole hills of wheat and ‘no man shall slide low sill what he love's above. Crows jerk and juke aboat and the winds wind up a medley of talkative hacksaws, ‘We edge near the pit, back off, and think by baking apple pie we've got the key to the whole shitwagon and maybe we do. Maybe ‘we don’t. I'd love to know what the inside of a storm fees lke 10 be one. [really do. Burif it were up to ie I'd skin the cat ‘with a touch more cate, seeing as how the consequences of what passes for luck at gin ‘rummy, poker, and horses has a strange way of barking up the wrong tree. An avuncular past. su Now I know allthis is probably seuff you've heard before, and from the wrong end of a television set, but T can’t help wondering’. Apugeled pause. lean’thelp wondering v and I keep can’t helping it, so help me, pig's feet. The whole damn cross-eyed nest of squirrels keeps getting down on top of itself and going screwball. Now, let's just say forthe sake of argument: you go and take a barrel ‘of cheese all the way from Frankfurt, Kentucky clear to Cincinnati, a barrel of cheese ‘isguised asa parrot, a barrel of cheese disguised as a pelican disguised as a flamingo. What it comes down to is this. ‘What you've got isa case of the sprit of the age, which is not particularly understanding when it comes to strange feet, or love, or the simple enjoyment, of asunny day in middle of a bad winter. ‘The piv of the age’s gor its head wedged. The spirit of America sells used cars tounwary pedestrians, andthey're all up on blocks. The cars, Imean. There’s just a whole lor of ‘old crap that would like to show itself 10 you. That would lke to ask you a thing or wo. A whole lot of cracker Darel horseshit that’s urying to pass itself off asthe bees-knees. A whole lot of beer-barrel hokum disguised as tragie cormpone, a whole lot of small hurt disguised as big revenge, a whole lot of flag, ‘waving, and all of it, the weather; y the whtetheror not: and it’s all rolling up hill. Panse, He miles, SUSANNA: I understand, [ guess. RAYMOND: Guess [ do too, But 'd like to know just hhow the weather’ gonna change. Really! ‘A man could make a small fortane on a thing like that susaNNaH: Thanks, Dad. Thanks for the advice. But I'm young yet and haven't got « allifetime of experience to draw from, 90 if you don’t mind, I think 3 Pl just go on waiting for the ‘weather to change, Te’s not much tohhold on to, bu t’sall I've got. Sheopens anumbrella. The CROWS open umbrel= bas. Aside from which, I've been thinking about what you said earlier. And just maybe I'm nor allergic to feathers. SCENE EIGHT. AND, who has perked up dering the previous dite cussion about god, heaven, et, gee down of his pedestal and adahesses the audience ANDY: Hi Dad, hi Mom. Mom, I know you're ia there She rive out of the cof. heard you talking about heaven so 1 ‘ought you might wane to hear about the real place. And tsa real place, justlike hell, though nether one’s in any book, Ican see you've been concerned about me, but there’s no reason‘4 to, feel fine, I just don’t have anything to say. The Gulf War was sch 2 terrific high that I guess I've transcended a whole lot of lower human arteibutes. Things like doubt, fear, complexity, cats and dogs, girls. And since Pve transcended knowledge and imagination too, I don't have a clue how this transpired. The trath is you don’t need knowledge of human things or imagination where Yam. And I know svhere heavens, because that’s where Lam now, Really, and it’s great. Heaven is like the Epcot Center or Disney World, Heaven is being inside the cockpit of an Fig on the approach to anice, fat target in Baghdad It’s feeling you can’t describe and since you don’t need to, why bother? “Bother” is another one of those words you don’t need in heaven. Watching that smart bomb hhone in on the triple a, or parking amp, or bridge, or command complex 5 and the big Blossom of golden fame darkening the morning all around set That experience of bliss is like a medieval vision of Faith Rewarded—a pure act of wish come ‘rue, Somehow this experience has Dooted me up, up onto a whole, new plane of existence. I'm happy here, Ihave a bliss within chat shines ‘through me. You can see that I'm golden now. That’s because I'm closer to god than you, and getting, closer and closer. Inching nesrer the holy fash point. See? I'm becoming a complete thing of god. “That's the mask of true beatitude. 11am in touch with the wonders of rmeullization, velocity and pure Kinetic being. Lots of my friends are with me. They all Took like me. We're all happy. So don’t worry about me. I'm doing great. I’s just that I don’t have anything tosay to you, because I've gone56 way beyorid where you are, which isfine with me. I never liked it dow there anyway. Ireally Took terrific, don’t I? Beautiful skin isa gift from God, I guess. He gets backup on kis pedestal. SCENE NINE Four enows (chey look more like mynas or par rot than real crows: i, they're fake erows) perch on atbough, discussing smal hings and big things. Row 1 is humming the Crow’s Song. A longish (pause. (CROW 4s SUSANNAM; she docs her Best snying t pa fora crow by imizating COW 12) ‘crow : [beginning he song] Boom-boom, boom-boon, boom-boom, oom-boom, boom-boom, boom-boom, oom-boom. ccnow 2: Sometimes I think maybe we're not doing the right things, or we're doing the right things, but we're doing them the wrong way... 9 Pause. now &: [ringing] One potato, two potato, three potatn, four potato, five potato, six potato, seven potato, eight! And repeat, ec. crow 3: Who gives a lying fuck? crow 2: It's like, maybe, at some basic level we've confused the ontic with the ontological... Row 3: Mybill itches. Would you scratch my bill? crow 2: It'slike I'm beginning to doubt cor epistemology. Maybe we haven't looked ints the-question.f.the. foundation of being with sufficient rigor... now 5: Would you please seratch my facking bill? Row 2 does 50, Pause. CROW 1 stops he song. CROW r starts up again. ‘cnow 2: Did itever occur to you that we don’t have to talk about things the way we do? All this dumb-ass “eaw caw” crap. I mean, it’s pretty goddam basic, if you ask me, | mean “caw caw” does not8 shed much light on the basic issues of Being, nor of where ‘we come from, nor of whither wwe ate headed. Not to mention the problem of who weare... cow 3:1 don't know what you're ralking about. Everyone knows god created our people out of marsh gas—and the sacred slime—along with an admixtare of mustard seed ‘You only talk lke this because of your low priority in the prifna inurdét; not to mention your obscure position in the current pecking order... The basic order of things hhas long been escablished. (Our task consists of Heshing, out some of the more puzzling adumbrations of our prophets. Like Hardbill and Sereechy. ‘Face it: anything else smacks of heresy... 9 now 2: What about the problem of other minds? now 3: Heresy. Errant heresy. Pause. caow 2: It's geting chilly now 3: It’s that time of year. Scarecrow time. Feathered pouse. ‘crow 2: What if, for instance, scarecrows have a purpose we haven't divined? ‘That's what I mean. Maybe we're not using the right language, or maybe by using the wrong language ‘we've only managed to redescribe ourselves into a erows’ nest of epistemologieat déad'ends. Think about it! That’ all ’m asking. caow 3: The food-marking purpose of scarecrows has been established from time immemorial, since the time of the Big Book of Black Wing. Searecrows are the totem offering of the Dead Ones, tous, the human beings, It’s a fact of lifelike the weather— and there’s nothing problematic about itin the least, in my humble opinion.60 6 now t and CROW 4 (SUSANNAH) stop, Pru weathers crazy whe oes tight cow 2 sighs. cRow t arts up the song again, down to it. Crazy as a loon, now 2: What's the use? I's all matter becoming spit... ROW 1 stops. Pause. CROW 1,3, 3, and 4 start up oral lack the song. and continue for some time. NELLA reaches out of her coffin and eloses the lid. ANDY END OF PLAY puts in earplugs. crow 2: WAIT A MINUTEL NELLA sis opin er con and even ANDY lean org zen, ‘crow 2: What if we ate Type 4 entities. ‘That is, what if we contextualize and explain the existences of ; others but cannot, on pain of nite regress, be contextualized ot explained ourselves? Pause. All go back as they were. CROW 1,35 and ¢ | stare up the song as cnow 2 rambles on daring a | stow blackout. mean, realy fellas, what if we are the fly in god's ointment and not the apple of his eye. ! mean, REALLY. {mean you gotta think about these things, cor you'll go crazy. I mean, even the i