D_22782

Overcoming Anger: Lesson

By Mrs. Chumi Levitansky
Formatted by B Kantor
Grade Level: Grades 1-2, Grades 3-4

Description:
Materials for a lesson about overcoming anger including an explanation of “al tehi
noach lichos”, a song, a story, and an activity plus a bonus discussion. The
lesson can take anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour and fifteen minutes to
present.

Materials Needed:
• Scissors
• Tape (optional)

Variations:
• Teach this lesson as part of a Pirkei Avos or general middos unit.
• Keep this lesson on hand for a substitute teacher in case of an
emergency.
‫פרקי אבות‬
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬
You were given little notice about a class that you will be substituting.
The lesson presented is on the topic of Anger. Geared to younger students, it is
a fully prepared lesson that can make good use of the short time you have.
Choose the activities and sophistication of the learning appropriate to the
students. It is important that you read through the lesson plan before teaching
it as it has different components for different learning styles.
Timing varies from 15 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes.

Avoiding Anger
What must we know about anger? Based on our understanding of ‫כעס‬, how can help ourselves
overcome anger challenges?

Components of the Lesson:

• Understanding the Mishna in Pirkei Avos “‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
• What is dangerous about being angry?
• How do people react when they are angry?
• What can we do to avoid anger or at least limit anger?
• When you feel yourself getting angry what can you do to calm down?
• What are the benefits of working on controlling ‫?כעס‬

Included in the Lesson Plan:

• An explanation of the ‫ משנה‬in ‫פרקי אבות‬
• A ‫ כעס‬song
• An Olomeinu story about someone who avoided anger by working on himself
• Age-appropriate scenarios that can be used in groups. The students answer four questions on
a given scenario. They present the scenario by acting it out and discussing their answers with the
rest of the class. OR You can post scenarios around the classroom and have the groups rotate to
work on each scenario. Give each girl a number to answer and have the group rotate numbers
amongst themselves before switching scenarios.
• Brainstorming activity
• Bonus discusion question

Learning Outcomes:
• What levels do Chazal encourage us to try for?
• Based on the story we read, what great level can a worked-on person reach?
• Have three techniques of what you can do when you feel yourself starting to get angry?
• Give an example of when you got angry. Now that you know the dangers of anger, how would
you have ideally reacted?
‫פרקי אבות‬
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬

Avoiding Anger
“‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
You should not get angry easily

Brainstorming activity
Direction to Teachers

Brainstorming: Discuss with students: What ideas can you think of to do when you
are feeling angry. Ideas of what to do when our students begin to feel that they are
getting angry!

Sample ideas:

Ideas what to do when begining to get angry to calm down

Things I can do:
Doodle
Pop a ballon
Kick a ball
Scribble with a pen or pencil
Go to an empty room and scream
Jump 20 times
Smash a paper cup
Use a squishy ball
Take 10 deep breaths
Go for a quick walk
‫פרקי אבות‬
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬

Avoiding Anger
“‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
You should not get angry easily

Bonus discusion question:

Is there ever an appropriate time to get angry? How do the
words of Peirkei Avos reflect that?
‫פרקי אבות‬
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬

Avoiding Anger
“‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
You should not get angry easily

Song:

Tune
"Once there was a soldier and
Bentzy was his name"

Once there was a girl

And Shira was her name
Getting angry quickly
Really earned her fame.

Until one day she learned

‫אל תהי נוח לכעוס‬
Then she counted
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
And never got angry again
‫פרקי אבות‬
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬

Avoiding Anger
“‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
You should not get angry easily

Biography
Reb Eliezer ben Horkenus is also known as Rabi Eliezer Hagadol or
simply Rabi Eliezer. When he was young, he worked for his wealthy father and
had no interest in learning Torah. One day in his twenties, he was suddenly
overcome by a desire to learn Torah and ran away from home to study with
Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai in Yerushalayim. There, despite having no money,
he studied diligently until he became one of the greatest Chachamim of his
time and wrote the famous compilation of Midrashim called Pirkei d’Rabi
Eliezer. In fact, Rabban Shimon Ben Gamliel was so impressed with Rabi Eliezer
that he chose him as a son-in-law.
Rabi Yehoshua once kissed the stone that Rabi Eliezer would sit on in the
Bein Medrash and said: “This stone is like Har Sinai, and the one who sat upon it
is like the holy Aron.”
It is told that when Moshe Rabbeinu went up to Har Sinai, he found
Hashem teaching a halachah in the name of Rabi Eliezer. He asked Hashem:
“Please see to it that Rabi Eliezer be from my descendants.” Hashem answered,
“Indeed he will be.
While on his deathbed he was asked a number of halachic questions
including the following: If a new shoe that has not yet been removed from the
shoe-press comes into contact with tumah – is it considered a finished product,
and thus able to become tamei, or is it tahor? “Tahor!” he answered. And with
that pure word on his lips, his soul departed.
 Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger
1 Scenario Card: 2 Scenario Card:

You keep your collection of You saved a good soda can

pretty stationery in a special box. from the Shalach Manos you got.
Some are particularly beautiful You kept it in your room and
one that you were saving to send waited for the perfect day to
your cousin or friend a letter. You drink it. On a hot day, you stuck
come home from school one day the can in the refrigerator, so you
and see your little sister with can have it cold when you get
your special box. And, she is home from school. When you
coloring on your favorite paper step off the bus at the end of a
long day, you spy your little
brother running around the
yard… and drinking your soda.

3 4
Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger
Scenario Card: Scenario Card:

You checked if your mother can You have a set seat at the
drive you and a few friends to a Shabbos Table. You come down
classmate’s birthday party at three on Shabbos Morning to the
o’clock on Sunday. You gave her the table and see that your sister is
timing in advance, three o’clock on comfortably in your spot. You
Sunday afternoon. You were feeling remind her where her spot is,
proud, rightfully so, that you had been but she ignores you. Your father
organized with your arrangements. At tells you to find a different seat.
a quarter to three on Sunday
afternoon, you noticed the driveway
was empty. Your older sister had taken
the car to go out with her friends.
5 6
Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger
Scenario Card: Scenario Card:
Your teacher divides the class into
You make plans with your groups of two. She first reminds the class that
friend to get together at two part of growing up is working maturely with
o’clock. One thirty, your mother is whoever your partner is. Each pair has one
getting ready to visit your week to make a poster on a Mishna in pirkei
grandmother and invites you to avos. Since the project must be done at home,
come with. You can’t go because each set of partners would have to get
your friend is coming to your house, together on their own time. You tell your
so your mother leaves without you. partner that you are available any day of the
At two o’clock your friend does not week besides Wednesday because your
mother is making sheva brachos that night
come. She calls at two fifteen to
and you want to be there. Each day you call
say it’s not going to work out to get
your friend to ask if she is available. She is not,
together today.
but on Tuesday night she tells you that the
only day she can get together is Wednesday.

7
Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger
Scenario Card: Question Cards:
Your grandmother bought you a new
scooter for your birthday. You did not plan ‫א‬. If you are a kaison (someone who
on lending it out because you are concerned is quick to anger), what would your
that it will not be cared for properly. One of reaction be?
your neighbors is always asking for ‫ב‬. Explain why you are
permission to use it, and you usually politely experiencing feelings of anger.
say no. One day your neighbor sees your ‫ג‬. What can you tell yourself to
family getting ready to leave to simcha. She keep calm before reacting?
tells you that now you are leaving, and you
are not using your scooter, so can you use it ‫ד‬. What can you do to keep calm
now? Embarrassed to say no, you agree. Late before speaking?
that night as your family van slides into the ‫ה‬. As someone who is working to be
driveway, you hear a crackle. The neighbor a noach l’rtzos, what would your
had left the scooter in the driveway and reaction be
your family drove over it and broke it.
 Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger
Question Cards: Question Cards:
‫א‬. If you are a kaison (someone who ‫א‬. If you are a kaison (someone who
is quick to anger), what would your is quick to anger), what would your
reaction be? reaction be?
‫ב‬. Explain why you are ‫ב‬. Explain why you are
experiencing feelings of anger. experiencing feelings of anger.
‫ג‬. What can you tell yourself to ‫ג‬. What can you tell yourself to
keep calm before reacting? keep calm before reacting?
‫ד‬. What can you do to keep calm ‫ד‬. What can you do to keep calm
before speaking? before speaking?
‫ה‬. As someone who is working to be ‫ה‬. As someone who is working to be
a noach l’rtzos, what would your a noach l’rtzos, what would your
reaction be reaction be

Avoiding Anger Avoiding Anger

Question Cards: Question Cards:
‫א‬. If you are a kaison (someone who ‫א‬. If you are a kaison (someone who
is quick to anger), what would your is quick to anger), what would your
reaction be? reaction be?
‫ב‬. Explain why you are ‫ב‬. Explain why you are
experiencing feelings of anger. experiencing feelings of anger.
‫ג‬. What can you tell yourself to ‫ג‬. What can you tell yourself to
keep calm before reacting? keep calm before reacting?
‫ד‬. What can you do to keep calm ‫ד‬. What can you do to keep calm
before speaking? before speaking?
‫ה‬. As someone who is working to be ‫ה‬. As someone who is working to be
a noach l’rtzos, what would your a noach l’rtzos, what would your
reaction be reaction be
 Based on a true story

The Reward By Rena Kaplan

Mirel Zuckerman felt satisfied as she clothesline and flapping in the wind right
stepped out of the courtyard her building. above her head. As she gazed at the billowing
Mirel was a housewife who lived over 100 sheets, she became angry.
years ago in the small village of Zosman, Sara Frayda didn’t have much patience these
near the city of Radom in Poland, which days. She was worried about her son Dovid.
was then ruled by Russia. Today was laun- Teenage boys his age in her village and
dry day and she had just finished hanging neighboring towns were being forced to
up to dry all her family's clean and freshly serve as soldiers in the Russian army. Sara
scrubbed clothes and linens. Frayda was well aware that the army was no
In those days there were no washing place for a Jewish boy. Dovid belonged in
machines or clothes dryers. Women yeshiva, not in an atmosphere where Shab-
washed their soiled laundry by hand. First bos would be ignored and treife meat would
they had to fill a huge pot of water on the be served. Rough Russian boys would be his
primus (kerosene) stove and wait for it to companions, and his officers would try to
heat up. Before each stain would be force Christianity on him. Would he even be
attacked with a scrub brush, every article of able to put his tefillin, which he had put on
clothing would be soaked and swished daily and with much pride ever since his
around in the hot, sudsy water. Then in bar-mitzvah almost four years ago?
order for the clothing to be spotless and
soap-less, each item would be handled one In several months Dovid would become
by one as it was rubbed, rinsed several seventeen. At that age all boys had to register
times, and then wrung out. as soldiers. Just last week a neighbor’s family
Finally as Mirel had just now done, the had gathered together in their doorway,
overfilled basket would be lugged to the tearfully waving good-bye to their youngest
courtyard outside. There the neighboring son, as he left to join the Russian army. Any
women had strung their clotheslines across boys who didn't enlist on their own, were
the alleyways and walkways of the court- rounded up by the local police and forcefully
yards. The last step was to carefully hang dragged to the army post.
up each newly laundered piece onto the With these thoughts whirling around in her
clothesline, to wave in the breeze and dry mind, and weary with concern for her son,
in the sun. Sara Frayda just didn't feel like bending down
There is no question about it. Doing laun- beneath the laundry to cross through the
dry in those days was a time consuming courtyard. "Mirel's laundry again!" She
and tiring job. So it was with relief that snapped. In a spurt of anger she tugged the
Mirel gave one backward glance and then clothesline and all of Mirel's sparkling clothes
turned into the doorway of her home. were tossed helter skelter onto the muddy,
Other chores awaited her. unpaved ground.
Some time later, her neighbor, Sara Just at that moment, Mirel entered the court-
Frayda, was returning home from the yard to gather up her dry clothes. She saw
market. Laden with fruit, vegetables what had happened. She stared at the soiled
and other groceries, she entered little heaps. She resisted the urge to scream at
the courtyard. She saw Mirel's Sara Frayda. Instead she spoke forcefully to
laundry dangling from the herself. "It has been decreed in heaven that
this should occur, and Hashem chose my mulled over the various ideas
neighbor as a messenger to make it suggested to her and at last decid-
happen. Was Hashem testing me to see if I ed on a plan of action to help David.
would control my temper?" At that time if anyone in her area was ill
Without a word to Sara Frayda, Mirel bent to and needed the services of a doctor, they
collect the grimy laundry. She shook out the would usually travel to Cracow, a neighbor-
clothes and took them home. There she ing city, to get professional help. However, if
began the long process of heating the the sickness was not serious, the person
water, soaking, swishing, scrubbing, would go to Reb Yeshaya, a local resident
rubbing, rinsing, and wringing, all over who was medically knowledgeable.
again. Then she hung up each piece, one by Sara Frayda told Reb Yeshaya, ''The
one. only way David could be excused from army
Several days later a notice arrived in Sara duty will be if he is physically unfit for
Frayda's home, instructing Dovid to appear service." It was the hardest thing she ever
in a month's time before the army physician had to do, but she begged him to injure
to see if he was physically fit to serve in the David's thumb in a way that would make him
Russian army. unable to handle a gun. (Unfortunately, this
Frantic with worry, she ran from one person was a common practice in those days.)
to the next, begging advice on ways to save Although unhappy about the task he was
her son from the army. She prayed to asked to perform, Reb Yeshaya understood
Hashem and began to examine her own why it was necessary. He fulfilled Sara Fray-
actions to see in what merit she could ask da's request. He injured David's thumb,
Hashem for help for Dovid. At that moment which made him permanently disabled.
she remembered what she had done to Dovid would never again be able to use his
Mirel's laundry just several days before. right hand properly, but at least now he was
Overcome with embarrassment she went physically unfit to be a soldier.
immediately to Mirel's home and knocked When Dovid went for his physical, the doctor
on the door. examined his hand carefully. Noting that
Reb Avraham, Mirel's husband, opened the David's father was a farmer, he said, "Fooling
door. around with your father's tools, I'll bet?"
"I must speak to your wife right now!" Clucking his tongue over David's "foolish-
pleaded Sara Frayda. "I want to apologize ness", he handed him a slip of paper declar-
for something very wrong that I did to her." ing him "unfit for army service".
"She's not in," answered Reb Avraham. "But Dovid left the doctor's office relieved and
she hasn't said a word to me about anyone passed the line of recruits waiting to be
harming her in any way. You probably have examined. He heard the foul language of the
nothing to worry about. I'm sure she men and smelled the liquor on many
forgave you." breaths. Most of them looked eager to
The neighbor realized what an exceptional become full fledged soldiers in the Russian
woman Mirel was. Besides having not raised army.
her voice in anger to her, she hadn't even 8aruch Hashem, I'm not one of them!" he
murmured a word about the incident to her thought.
husband. As for Mirel Zuckerman, she too was happy.
Sara Frayda left filled with determination In the great merit of controlling her anger,
to become more like Mirel and learn to Hashem granted her a son. He grew up to be
control her temper. It would become a great leader of k'lal Yisrael (the Jewish
her goal in life to train herself to people) and brought his mother much
develop this fine character trait. happiness.
As she turned home, she
‫פרקי אבות‬ Avoiding Anger
‫פרק ב‘ משנה ט”ו‬ “‫”אל תהי נח לכעוס‬
You should not get angry easily

’‫פרק ב‘ משנה טו‬

Each of these five Chachamim said three things. .‫הם אמרו שלשה דברים‬
Rabi Eliezer says: Your friend’s honor should be as dear to you as your ‫ יהי כבוד‬:‫רבי אליעזר אומר‬
own honor, so that even when he does something wrong, just as you ,‫חברך חביב עליך כשלך‬
would be patient with yourself, you will not be angered easily. .‫ואל תהי נח לכעוס‬

‫ושוב יום אחד‬

Do teshuvah one day before your death. Since you do not know which
.‫לפני מיתתך‬
day will be your last, do teshuvah every day.
‫והוי מתחמם כנגד אורן‬
Warm yourself next to the fire of Chachamim - keep in close contact ‫ והוי זהיר‬,‫של חכמים‬
with them - but be careful not to become too casual and friendly with ,‫בגחלתן שלא תכוה‬
them, because you might act disrespectfully and be “burned by their ,‫שנשיכתן נשיכת שועל‬
‫ועקיצתן עקיצת‬
coals” - be punished; because their bite is like the bite of a fox, their
‫ ולחישתן‬,‫עקרב‬
sting is like the sting of a scorpion, their hiss is like the hiss of a snake, ‫ וכל‬,‫לחישת שרף‬
and all their words are like fiery coals. .‫דבריהם כגחלי אש‬