DEBBIE ROSCOE

DEADBEAT DEX
DICES SIX
NOTORIOUS
MURDERER,
DEADBEAT DEX
breaks free from
Shiver custody and

LOONY BIN
goes straight back
on the rampage,
adding 6 more kills
to his current tally
of 58!

LOVER
The bloody deed
occurred on Friday
night as Dexy hacked
apart six innocent,
law-abiding teenag-
ers on their way back
from a 12 hour shift
at their local soup
kitchen! Just when Feckless teen, Debbie Roscoe of
we thought Deadbeat
Dex couldn’t stoop Gall Heights, District 4, Sector
any lower… 12 falls head over heels for
“He’s hit the big
time, now.” Shiver
deranged delinquent ‘Loony Bin’.
Sgt. Moulding told The whirlwind affair and now Debbie’s talking
The Slasher, “There’s
no way SLA Indus- has now entered its third about marriage, but worst
tries is going to stand week, but friends and of all - a malignant baby
for this anymore, and family have been unable to may be on the way…
something’s got to be drive common sense into
done!” TURN TO PAGE 2
Ms Roscoe’s thick skull,
SEE PAGE 12
 NICE TO M
SHIVER BAND RADIO never said anything as they
issued a report that the dished out those pies. But
egregious Elmersons hey, I was well pissed at
Cognate have been the time, and I hallucinate
mincing their latest pretty much constantly, so
victims into pies and I just went with it.” Bryan
donating them to soup Clement explained with a
kitchens for the homeless shrug.
to munch on. Naturally, The gravy thickens…
The Slasher headed “I knew there was some-
straight down to the thing a bit funny about the
GOT ANYTHING FOR Helping Hand Hall and taste,” Alfie Banowski told
THE SLASHER? got the full story! our reporter, “and I was
“Oh, the Elmersons are thinking that it could in fact
We want the
long gone.” Shiver patrol- be Human flavoured fill-
stories from your ing.”
man Scroat informed us,
neighbourhood or Alfie proceeded to rub his
“As soon as one of these
block. stubbly chin, recalling the
hobos nearly choked to
Call us in death on a finger bone, meal.
“But it was the first proper
they knew the gig was up
confidence and scampered before the meal I’d had in ages, so
d2-s32-9847-0913 Ops showed up.” y’know, I just ate it anyway.
But what of the poor Okay, I’ll be honest with
We won’t tell on you. misfortunates who were you, I went in for another,
Need Extra Copies? forced into eating mem- but I did share it with my
bers of their own species? dog, Shecki. Desperate
d2-s32-9847-0912
Here’s what the customers times, and all that.”
SEND US YOUR LETTERS had to say on the subject: Pretty shocking, but
PO Box 02, The Slasher “Yeah, looking back it despite the clear evidence
was kinda odd that the of cannibalism taking
The Slasher, new servers were all wear- place in the premises, the
PO Box 01,
ing smiley masks, and soup kitchen is as popular
District 2, Sector 32
Disclaimer: The Slasher is not respon-
LOONY BIN LOVER Slasher, “What with all the
sible for any death, damage or any form CONTINUED … drinking, the petty crime
“Our Debbie’s been noth- and dodgy romances Deb-
of reprisal that results from any content
reported here. Any legal issues arising
are to be sent to Dr Elvis Rock, Atty. ing but trouble since she bie’s been notching up in
turned 16!” Debbie’s long record time! She needs a
Mrs bloody good slap, that’s
By Dave Allsop and Jared Earle
suffering mother,
Valerie Roscoe told The what I think!”
©2022, Nightfall Games
MINCE MEAT YOU
as it’s ever been. That said,
there have been more than
a few complaints about the
replacement management
and their more conven-
tional menu.
“Ugh, it’s back to broth
again!” Mrs Boyd com-
plains bitterly, “Right
before The Elmersons fled
they were doing the same
pie but there was a curry
flavoured one too. It was
really nice; the sort you get
from the chip shop. So nice
after you’ve downed a few
bottles of Headslam Gin.”
The Elmersons and their
pies aren’t missed by every-
body, however. Harold and
Janice Waterman, the new
proprietors of the venue,
have been expressing their
concerns about the expec-
tations Elmersons’ left A PIE TO DIE FOR
behind. It turns out many we’re supposed to!” Harold us! Sorry, we’re not the
of their clients clearly miss exclaims, “But they still
the Elmerson’s signature
want those bloody pies! I‘m daily special!”
“Pork-adjacent” pie.
“It’s meant to be a soup getting a little concerned Well, here’s hoping,
kitchen: we serve hot broth at the way some of these
and tea, and bread, like homeless people look at Harold!

The Slasher tends to but he’s already racked up be happier!” Debbie tells
agree with Mrs Roscoe. 20 verified kills and is well The Slasher, as she swoons
Debbie appears to be a on the way to a Hunter- over her signed photo of
pretty bad judge of char- Sheet with his name on it. Looney.
acter - Looney Bin has only “I can’t help it, Looney’s What’s going to happen
been on the Serial Killer just so lovely … I think I’m to Debbie now? We weep
Scene for about 13 months, up the duff, and I couldn’t at today’s youth…
 MAKING PLANS FOR NIGEL
But it doesn’t end there! The parents have
MR & MRS HORTON HAVE HIGH a lot more plans for the coming weeks.
hopes for their son, Nigel, and “We’ve fitted a loudspeaker to the wall
they desire that in just a few short that blasts BashHead at full volume into
years he’ll have his name up in his bedroom and it’ll be on nonstop until
lights, AS A SERIAL KILLER! we’ve completely sent him over the edge.
Sure, the neighbours will complain, but
“Well, he’s always had a bit of a temper,
we’re intending on them being his next vic-
and we’ve always tried to coax it out of
tims. So it’s all good.” Herbert chuckled, as
him.” Francine Horton told our reporter,
he prepared his son’s evening meal - a tin
“You know, waking him up with a hot
of microwaved dog food.
iron, killing his pet hamster, telling him
the local girls are evil and riddled with LOVING PARENTS
diseases. That sort of thing.” It’s heartening to hear of how some
Downtown parents care for their children
NIGEL and won’t hesitate to go that extra mile and
Nigel Horton just turned 17 last week and truly sacrifice themselves to build a bright
has already racked up 4 kills, including a future for their heirs.
Shiver Patrolman! There’s just no stopping A little love goes such a long way. The
this ambitious young lad! Slasher will be keeping an eye on this aspir-
“Nigel originally wanted to pursue a ing young gentleman - best of luck, Nigel!
career in accountancy,” Herbert Horton,
his loving father, stated, “but we weren’t
having any of that. Nigel isn’t wasting his
life in a nice, safe, desk job. He’s going to
follow our advice and get out there and
murder people.”
BROODING
Nigel was not available for interview as
this was conducted during the Horton’s
enforced ‘Four Hour Brooding Session’
which Nigel has to complete in his bed-
room and he’s not allowed out until he’s
scowled away the full allotment.
GUSHING
“He’s getting very good at it, I must
admit.” Francine gushed, “We’ve heard
him moaning, head butting the walls, and
on Tuesday he was even speaking to imag- • Anyone you want our Nigel to take
inary voices! He’s really coming along.” care of? Send your suggestions to NIGEL
at PO Box 63, The Slasher.
 CLOWNIN’ ROUND
ROBBIE RICTUS IS
BACK! Yes, you heard
that right, Rictus is
back to his old tricks
and looking to boost
his kill count into the
triple figures. He was
rumoured dead two
months ago and a very
touching candle vigil
was held outside what
District 4 residents
believed to be his lair - a
Walton’s Trick and Joke
Shop in Sector 22.
Shiver reports state recur-
ring homicides matching
Rictus’s M.O in the area,
with fresh victims’ faces
carved up to match his sig-
nature clown makeup.
RICTUS
Word has it this return
may have been prompted
by the new Serial Killer on
the block, Vlad the Meat-
Sack, encroaching on Rob-
bie’s old turf.

MISSING?
ground, and if anything is
SACK THE VLAD going to bring back Robbie
Did Vlad bring the clown Rictus, it’s this!
back out of retirement? We hope that both of these Are you missing any
killers live long enough for children? Do you think
The illiterate Vlad’s predil-
Robbie Rictus might have
iction for collecting offal, in them to settle their scores
taken them? Call our
return for once being called personally. We’d rather this CLOWN HOTLINE at d2-
awful in these very pages, wasn’t dealt with by SLA s32-9847-0921
is causing quite the stink. Ops. The return of Robbie Rictus
Are we going to see a juicy
OFFAL MESS grudge match going down
is a parent’s worst night-
mare. Could that nightmare
Robbie’s return could well on the streets on Sector be yours? Let us know if you
be to do with the mess that 22? Only time will tell, but think the sector’s favourite
collecting human offal can you know what your favour- clown could have hurt your
create on his stomping nearest and dearest.
ite paper wants.
TROUBLE BREWING
The Scream Team Cognate may well
find themselves in hot water after they
received a special delivery Mesha cult
Warning Doll outside of their current
lair. The Screams had a bad run-in last
month with SLA Squad ‘Slayer’s Wrath’,
losing three of their number and flee-
ing to District 4. Turns out their new
location, a derelict Brewery, is right
next door to a coven of Mesha, led by
the notorious Charlie Shrike, aka The
Skewer.
We wait with baited breath to see how
the Scream Team are going to handle
this territorial dispute, and what the
resulting kill count will be.
Stay tuned for further updates!
Mesha Warning Doll

KILLED OVER A KEBAB

The Angry Mutts Cognate almost found ers told us, “The wait for a family order is
themselves in serious trouble over nothing roughly 20 minutes, but Mr KillSwitch said
more than A KEBAB! One of their newest he wanted the takeout ready in 2, or else
recruits, a Joe Normal going by the name he said he’d eat my gran. I said I don’t have
of Ace KillSwitch was sent out by their a gran, and he just exploded. He started
Leader - Steeltooth McGroggin, to go get shouting how he was one of the top dogs
the evening’s food order which ended in in the Angry Mutts Cognate and he was
near calamity. going to kill everyone in the shop and drag
KillSwitch, not known for his patience or all our bodies back to his lair and turn us
tact, found calmly waiting in line at Cram- into soup.”
It-Down Kebab takeout something of a Alison shudders to recall the terrible vio-
chore. After 5 minutes’ wait, Ace began lence dished on that fateful Friday night.
noising up the customers and counter “Customer 4 asked me for some extra
staff, causing a real stink. chilli sauce on his kebab, and Ace
“It’s a Friday night and it’s always busy screamed ‘Don’t interrupt me, you twat!’
from about 7pm onwards.” Alison Bryson, and then shot him in the face.”
one of the Cram-It-Down Kebab serv-
 After that chaos erupted in the Cram-
It-Down Kebab, to the extent that a local
Shiver patrol was called in, who proceeded
MISSING?
to chase Ace KIllSwitch back to Retson’s
Flophouse. After that it was all the Angry
Do you have any fast food
Mutts, versus the Shiver Patrol, and then horror stories? Bludgeoned for a
two hired Props, and finally a SLA Op burger? Slapped on the lap with
Squad was called to intervene. wet noodles? Call our MUNCHY
Our investigators tell us that the most of HOTLINE at d2-s32-9847-0932
the Mutts made it out alive, but apparently
We all love our fast food in Downtown,
McGroggin is slightly unimpressed that
but we also know that our favourite kill-
his entire outfit was nearly taken down by
ers don’t like going hungry, so it stands
a large Donner, with salad and sauce, no
to reason that we will meet them at our
onions.
favourite dining haunts. Let us know!
Needless to say, Ace Killswitch will no
longer be doing the food run.

“Downtown’s Best Slap Up”

Mike’s Kebabs “You’ve earned it”

District 2, Sector 17,

137 Archibald Rises

Tel: d2-s17-5661-8800
HOME DELIVERY AVAILABLE

ERY MEAL DESOCL MOYA ND

EV 1U!
Open 6 days

JUST
T U ESDAY-SUN DAY
41: 5pm-3:0 am

Delivery Service stops at 2:55am

*Award-winning Kebabs Delivery fee: 2u
DOWNTOWN CHAMP ++ DOWNTOWN CHAMP +

HERO OF THE H
WE LIVE IN A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS
TODAY. OBNOXIOUS YOUTHS GATHER
IN GANGS AND plague our streets
with drugs, violence and misery. Serial
Killers are left to prey on the weak and
the Shivers do nothing. We aren’t much
better; when we see a crime being
committed we just look the other way,
in disgust, and shame.

ZERO TO HERO
So, it’s nice to see a Downtown local
stand up for what is right and just! Frank
Hickinbottom, a painter and plasterer by
trade, was not going to sit back and let the
sleaze run the streets. He was going to
stare danger in the face and immediately FRANK HICKINBOTTOM (PICTURED
report the crime to his local Shiver Author-
Frank, who was on his way home from
ities!
a hard day’s work, was about to head
Frank was present and witness to the
into the establishment for his customary
horrors unfolding at the SortaFish (™)
Single SortaFish and 2 Mocktato fritters
takeaway in the bustling heart of Sector
with brown sauce when he saw Shadow-
34. The Purple Skulls Cognate were hack-
Swipe behind the counter, stabbing one of
ing their way through the staff and cus-
the service girls through her left eye.
tomers of SortaFish on Thursday evening
of last week.

EASY KILL
Breaking News! Arnie the Chopper - gunned to open fire on the consumers and rack up a
down by gutsy Grant Conglan, SLA Operative, few more choice kills. Little did he know that a
SCL7 at the Taylor Plaza, in District 2, Sector HunterSheet had been issued and an Opera-
14. The shootout took place around 10pm tive was on his way to deal with him!
Tuesday evening as the last few shoppers “We’ve been onto that little prick for some
were exiting the closing shopping arcade. time.” Operative Conglan told The Slasher,
Arnie, a relatively new addition to the Serial “As SKs go, Arnie was pretty lazy, he always
Killer parade, dressed in Slash Armour and went for the easy, predictable kill.”
armed with a Thug SMG took it on himself
++ DOWNTOWN CHAMP THE BIG UNI

HOUR
CHEESE CAPER
A serial killer cannot rely upon their
victims as a source of income and that’s
where harebrained schemes like this
come from. The Squeaky Barkers cog-
Immediately he rushed to a payphone nate operated in the less profitable Dis-
and a Red BPN was issued to deal with trict 7, several shift blocks down from
the hateful Purple Skulls. What followed regular poverty, and they needed to pay
was a heated battle between the cruel off their suppliers. Bespoke hoods and
Cognate and the brave heroes of the SLA great coats don’t come cheap, espe-
Op squad ‘Fight me, I’m daft.’ cially when you need to replace them
WITNESS more than once a year!
Mick “Facegnaw” Dansey led the heist
The Purple Skulls were annihilated, but
but died trying to escape. Luckily, we
ShadowSwipe managed to escape out of
have the whole story for you, told by one
the back of the restaurant.
of The Slasher’s sources, and it shows
Frank Hickinbottom was uncommonly
that just because you’re a dab hand
humble about his heroism. “Look, I don’t
with a bladed shovel doesn’t make you
want any trouble or fuss made about all
a genius criminal mastermind.
this! The Ops got ‘em all, didn’t they?”
Dansey was looking for money when
Unfortunately not, Frank. But do not
Glitterlice complained about how
worry, The Slasher is sure the fellow ten-
expensive cheese was, having had to
ants of Skyward Apartments, District 2,
have bought the supplies for the team’s
Sector 34 will rally round to protect you
murder spree pack lunches. Dansey
from any reprisals from Mr Shadow-
knew of a cheese warehouse with lax
Swipe, or any of the neighbouring Serial
security, his brother being a security
Killer Cognates in Sector 34, whom The
guard there, and a plan was hatched.
Slasher does not recall bearing any sort
Continued on back page …
of grudge.
We wish you the best of luck, Frank, and
hope that your newfound fame brings you
exactly what you deserve!

Conglan shook his head as he recalled the

events of Tuesday night.
“He was wearing SLASH and thought that’d
protect him: but that’s why I use a 046M
Blitzer, to prove that he’s wrong about that.”
It only took one bullet to take down Arnie. A
sad end to a promising career.
Farewell, Arnie the Chopper, we barely knew
you…
 RESTROOM REPRISALS
MR BUBBLES HAS SPENT THE LAST
TWO WEEKS HUNTING DOWN SHIVER
PATROLS IN DISTRICT 2 and brutally
murdering them in an especially
gruesome fashion! The dubious reason
for this rage fuelled reprisal is a Shiver
Patrolman reportedly wrote ‘Mr Bubbles
gives hand shandys - 2 unis a tug’ on
a gents toilet door in the Nicholsons
Shopping Arcade. In both Shiver and
Serial Killer culture a statement etched
on a toilet door must be true, and as such
Mr Bubbles has taken serious affront.

LIBELLOUS
“I am disgusted, and appalled,” mass mur-
derer Mr Bubbles told The Slasher, “I’ve
worked very hard to build a clean and honest
reputation over the last eight years, and for A FURIOUS MR BUBBLES SEEKS REDRESS
such a crude and salacious claim to have been
put about … well, it’s just deeply offensive. It’s The Slasher would like to reach out to the
just not on.” Shiver Organisation for comment, and get their
We pressed Mr Bubbles further on the sub- side of the story.
ject. In the meantime, Mr Bubbles has requested
“Well, 2 years ago there was an incident that the offending statement is removed from
involving a sexual liaison with a Shiver, but it the lavatory door forthwith, and that the claim-
was a bad time in my life, and it certainly wasn’t ant makes a public apology to Mr Bubbles, and
for two unis! If I recall it was more like 8 unis, his Cognate - The Deadly Finishers.
but seriously, I’ve come a long way since then!”

CLASSIFIED ADS Bladesmith looking for costs on new equipment

Call The Slasher to place partner to strike out with. and supplies.
an advert here. I am a young male blade- Every blade needs a sheath.
smith looking for a female Big boobs preferred.
The night is long and so is
wannabe killer to start her
my blade. Call d3-s42-7239-4564
killer career with me.
I shall wander the streets I am a dark stealth blade
around the Shift Blocks Cleaning Service
looking for his first kill and
in Sector 11 looking for If you’ve made a bit of a
wanting to share it with
my next victim. Try and mess and need a cleaner,
someone as a fresh team.
be there before 1am if you a deep forensic cleaner IF
We would ideally become
want to get stabbed as I YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
the core of a new cognate
need to be home before to clean your car, home
and share resources and
STABZ is on.
 BACON BUTTIE BEEF
IT WAS A DARK AND RAINY NIGHT
IN DOWNTOWN DISTRICT 2 AND
THE INHABITANTS OF SECTOR 12
were rudely awakened by the sound
of a sqealing pig killing one of their
neighbours. A normal night, you’d
think, but this was no normal murder
for once the dust settled, two families
broke out into a rammy over who
would get retribution.
The victim was Michelle Bench, a local lass
who was returning from a visit with Greg Chep-
plestone. The killer Menchaxe was stalking the
streets with his carnivorous pig Grettle when
they came upon poor Michelle waiting for a bus GORGEOUS GRETTLE GORGES
she would never board…
The killer set his stroppy sow upon her and it
other ideas. They wanted to feed the pig laxa-
went about its gruesome and sickly business.
tives to speed the return of their precious front
As Menchaxe pulled his killer beast off what
door keys.
was left of the poor girl, her boyfriend cried out
All the while, Menchaxe and Grettle were cor-
“My keys!”
nered by the feuding families, looking for a way
The pig, it seems, had swallowed the Chep-
to escape before the Shivers inevitably arrived.
plestone family keys, and they couldn’t get
Typical Sector 12, eh?
back into their apartment.
The Bench family wanted to exact revenge
upon the killer pig, but the Chepplestones had

or office, I am available at CASSAR, MEET ME AT episode dataslugs from

short notice. SITE EIGHT, BRINDAL season three. Call me. Call
me now. Don’t make me
Call d3-s12-2641-7633
DON’T LEAVE HOME wait. I don’t like waiting.
WITHOUT YOUR How many times must I tell
Azad’s Taxis SLICE-N-DICER you? Don’t … DON’T
Quick and reliable, Azad’s
New S-n-D Blades availa- HELP!
taxis get you all over east-
ble from your local stockist.
ern District 2. We’re here Anyone got any baby
Try our new Razor range
for you to get you there. shoes? Any size will do.
today!
Leave them by the bins
Call d2-s7-8885-8555 Bonky Street at Stogtstore or call the
Gunsmoke Gordon seeks number below. No feet.
missing Bonky Street Call d3-s22-3835-9810
 MONSTER ON
THE LOOSE
CONT’D..
EXCLUSIVE do is kill the punters, and it’s a bloody
shame because there’s proper money
The Slasher has all to be made. Why do it for free? Dexy
the inside news could have it all - fast cars, fast women,
on Deadbeat Dex’s fast food, lots of fast things! But he’s
just not interested.”
latest escapades!
REPRISAL
DEADBEAT DEX IS A TRULY The folks have clearly had enough of
LOATHSOME CHARACTER Deadbeat’s antics, and the civilians of
HAVING KILLED NOT ONLY District 4, Sector 18 have dug deep into
CIVILIANS OF DOWNTOWN BUT their pockets and hired themselves a
even members of his own Cognate! Prop to finally put an end to Dexy’s reign
Dexy was originally part of the late of terror!
Spook Squad, but after murdering
his own Cognate leader Biff Brute,
our villain decided he wasn’t done
yet. Deadbeat Dex wiped out 5 more
murderers, including Blood Spagetti,
Axehead Joe, and the greatly missed
Emma Nightshade. Such betrayal!
Several Showbiz Agents have
attempted to get Dexy to sign a con-
tract, but after they ended up on his ever
mounting kill count, they know to steer
clear of Mr Deadbeat.
“Dexy’s old school,” Paulie ‘Wide Boy’
Stansler of Class Act Light Entertain-
ment and Events told The Slasher, “he’s
a proper murderer. All Dexy wants to BULLET POINT HIGHLIGHTS THE ISSUE
..

• Have you seen Deadbeat Dex? Do

you have any information that could
assist Bullet Point in his mission of
mercy? Is a Deciding Vote the right
tool for the job? Let us know at PO
Box 68, The Slasher.

BULLET POINT Bullet Point proceeded to show us a

“I reckon I can take Dex, “Bullet Point, shiny new ‘Deciding Vote’ shotgun, which
the Downtown Prop informed us, “I he’ll be using for the special ocassion.
mean, he’s pretty handy with those ser- “Deadbeat Dex was last sighted going
rated vibro swords, but I don’t intend on into the Freaky Fantasy Sauna, swords
getting that close to him. That’s why I’ll raised, so I’m heading down there now -
be using this.” wish me luck!”
Good luck, Bullet Point! You’re going to
need it…
 ALL THE
FIDDLESTICKS
T here have been yet more reports of Fiddle-
sticks the Rat visiting various Serial Killer
Cognates over the two months. Fiddlesticks
likes to stir it up and persuade his victims to

SOCKO STRIKES get up to some gruesome high jinx. He materi-

alises in the wee hours and convinces our hom-
icidal heroes to attack each other. Is this Dream

BACK
Entity a serial killer of Serial Killers? Only time
will tell…

O ld fan favourite - Socko, has returned to

our Downtown Streets. The planet famous
Serial Killer was spotted on the District 1 Crust
and managed to kill 5 before fleeing into a Sewer
Pipe. Our boy Socko isn’t messing around this
time: he hit the Downtown streets armed with a
Chain Scythe and soft company power armour.
We reckon Socko may have found himself a
ShowBiz Agent, and is clearly on the up and up.
Watch this space for more Goss!

DIGIT
DISSECTION
H erman Hacktop went and got his thumb
snicked off by Plain Jane last night. The
appendage gone awol occurred outside Turn-
OUR BOY SOCKO
bull Apartments, District 2, Sector 12 and
LATEST GOSS
FROM LINDA GOSS
Herman is offering a small reward for the return
of his errant thumb. If found please pack in ice
and deliver to ShowBiz Agent Raymond ‘Gold-
MANCHINE
MALARKEY
nut’ Kribbs, care of: Goldnut Entertainment
Services.

RISING STAR T he killing machine fan shop, P-Manchinery,

got a visit from their very own Manchine
last week! A green-coated silver warrior named

P aulie ‘Wide Boy’ Stansler of Class Act

Light Entertainment and Events has gone
to considerable expense on his rising star -
Bristle wandered down Bengard Road’s
market street and noticed the wonderful range
of poseable Manchine figures, t-shirts and rain
Otis Slugman, aka the Slugfest. Otis went on globes in the shop window. He stood outside
a spree kill last night in the Slip n’ Slide Roller the shop for almost twenty minutes before
Disco, dressed in a brand spanking new suit of wandering off.
Boogeyman Armour and blasting away with a The shop workers were obviously too star
MKII Buzzkill and Slingblade. He really wowed struck to leave their store to talk to the six-
the crowds in this spectacular spectacle! bladed superstar and they said that it’s best to
Mr Stansler informed me that “Slugfest’s leave these flesh-coated monsters alone.
going all the way - and I’ve sunk a ton of unis
into that maniac. I’ve booked him in for the next
Gorezone so I’m going to make damn sure he’s
ready to take down Operatives and get stuck
in!”
Sounds like Slugfest’s set to live up to his
name.

TUMULTUOUS
TRYST
A little birdie told me that Galance and Fly-
manx were spotted in a romantic situation
in a dark alley behind a Sector 8 hotspot in Dis-
trict 2! Our source chirped about seeing the
vicious vixens sharing a meal and a kiss. Were
they planning on teaming up to rid the sector of BRISTLE CAUSING TROUBLE
beggars or were theory just letting off steam?
The sector could do with a whiff or romance, so
here’s hoping, eh?
 “Yeah, Joe Fade is tough,” Fearless
Leader, of The Sewer Babies Cognate
told us at The Slasher, “tough, and stupid,
that is! You comehere looking for trouble,
you’re going to find it and then some.
We didn’t kill your dumbass niece, but
pay us a visit anyway, dickhead. We’ll sort
you out, no problem.”
Is Joe going to burn himself out, or simply
Fade away? We’ll update you dear reader,
as this feud unfolds…

JACK IN A BOX
There was a complete bloodbath in a
WILL WE FADE TO GREY? Shift Block running between District 1 and

PAYBACK TIME
2 this week, when HALLOWEEN JACK
made a surprise appearance. The incident
occurred at the height of rush hour as fifty
The Serial Killer Cognates in the eastern SLA Employees and Civilians were heading
end of Downtown District 2 better watch home after a hard day’s slog. Halloween
their backs since one bad choice might Jack swept in just as the gate was closing
lead to a whole lot of unwarranted deaths. and the poor commuters were trapped in a
Joe Fade, has returned to Mort City confined space with Mort’s premiere Killer
after a considerable amount of time work- for around 15 minutes as the Shift Block
ing around the Bridgeheads in Cannibal slowly wound its way down a District.
Sector 1. Upon arrival, Jack departed the Block
We received word that Joe’s niece - Fran- leaving none left alive inside, and then pro-
cine was rather brutally murdered by a ceeded to kill 10 more Shift staff attend-
Serial Killer on the 3rd of the month, but as
yet nobody is copping to the kill. Francine
was on break during her Operative training
and was visiting relatives in Inner Down-
town when she was viciously struck down
in the prime of her life.
Serial Killers in Mort City aren’t exactly
choosy in their intended prey but who-
ever selected Francine really couldn’t have
picked a worse victim.
Joe is a Human Operative with more than
a couple of screws loose and he’s now
scouring the Sectors of District 2 with his
fully loaded FEN AR and looking for pay-
back. Fade has never gone in much for
White BPNs and he’s pretty much gunning
down any Serial Killer and Cognate that
crosses his path. STILL GOING STRONG
ants and 3 Shivers before disappearing a slight tick, in that he now interjects the
into the night. word ‘pigeon’ into conversation at inop-
Did you lose a precious family member in portune moments. He isn’t aware he’s
this commuter carnage? Drop us a line via doing it, which could be considered a little
the usual PO Box and tell us your story! disconcerting.”
Welcome back, pigeon!

NUTTER AWAKES ONE DARK NIGHT

It appears that not even being killed and
half eaten by a Greater Carrien is enough It looks like we’ll be getting a major dust
to keep Mr. A. Nutter down. For several up in Downtown in the coming weeks.
years we’ve believed Arnold had died from Word has come down that the infamous
his injuries in Cannibal Sector 1, but after a Red Death Cognate performed a midnight
little digging it turns out Nutter had a LaD raid on a DarkNight warehouse all the way
account but was 3 creds short of com- down in District 5. The stock of weapons
plete rejuvenation. For the last three years and ammunition was being guarded by 10
Arnold Nutter has been in a self induced Interceptors which the Serial Killers ripped
coma at the Uptown LaD facility waiting through in record time.
for the annual interest rate of 1 cred to Normally, this would be a certain death
accrue and return him to active duty and wish for any Cognate but the Red Death
start tearing up Mort City with his Power are the meanest group of Serial Killers in
Reaper once more! Mort City, and it’s possible many of the
Downtown DN Terror Cells might be think-
ing against seeking reprisals.
Vigadeath, the leader of the Red Death
Cognate was unavailable for comment,
but we did manage to catch up with their
ShowBiz Agent and spokesperson - Saucy
Mick’ Michael Pinching, of Saucy Dog
Castings and Entertainments.
“Hello, my dear, yes it’s completely and
utterly true. Vig and his lovelies did knock
over a DarkNight stash but it’s all unques-
tionably and completely allowable under
the statutes of the Derwent Act. Don’t
leave your dinari lying on the table and not
expect a light-fingered ambitious young
person to walk away with it.
QUITE.
The Red Death are available for booking
“Yes, it’s an inordinately long period to if the boys in blue and orange fancy set-
be in biostasis,” Dr Albert Muldoon, a staff tling the dispute. Just leave a message on
member at the LaD clinic told us, “and we my blower and I’ll get back to them. Always
do hope that he hasn’t received any irrepa- turn a crisis into a spectacle, my dear, a
rable brain damage after that duration, but crisis into a spectacle.”
with Mr Nutter it’s quite hard to tell.” Well, we at The Slasher cannot wait for
“By all accountants, Nutter is behav- that spectacle, whatever it may be!
ing normally, although he has developed - Linda Goss
 COMPLETE BALLS-UP
SLA Industries’ finest showed their
true colours once again, with the latest
cock-up coming from a Lieutenant
named Bergamot Balls. When a new
cognate showed up on the scene,
Balls was in a prime position to alert
their superiors to this new threat. What
did Balls do? They misregistered their
alert as a Carrien sighting, something
that’s two-a-uni in Sector 35.
When the boys and girls in green get off
their shift, it’s almost expected that they
pour themselves into whatever drink-
ing establishment is nearest to their sta-
tion and get their drink on. It’s a hard job
pounding the streets of Mort and picking A SHIVER, YESTERDAY
on local shopkeepers and hard working
civilians is thirsty work, so who can blame too drunk to realise what they were becom-
them? Lt. Balls, however, liked to start their ing. It didn’t take long for the cognate to
drinking earlier than that, though. Balls become a regular terror on our streets, and
started before the day’s shift even started. it’s all the fault of Lt. Balls. Now, Splash
Damage are a real problem and it’ll be a
DISGRACEFUL CONDUCT while before they get put down.
And so it was, a cognate rolled into Sector
35, with a couple of young blade-flashers LESSON LEARNED?
joining with a breakneck and a pounder. It’s ok if you have a drink after work, but
It was a small start, but one that would if you go Balls deep into the bottle, you
be easily nipped in the bud by any small might never get out alive.
Shiver squad worth their Pacifier Batons.
A belt round the ear and an off-you-go has
set many a Downtown kid off the wrong
path, but unfortunately for the local hobos
and stray pets, that’s not what happened.
They were lucky enough to meet Lt. Balls
and their trusty bottle. They stood over the
bleeding tramps, tied together to hinder
their escape, and said a big Carrien did it
and ran away. And Balls believed them.
The Splash Damage Cognate got away
with their first team murder because the
Shiver that should have stopped them was FAVORITE TIPPLE OR ROAD TO RUIN?
ROTTEN TO THE CORE!
The DeFeo family is one of the original that age. He’s only killing street trash
Boom Families and despite their tight so in actual fact he’s providing a public
connection to SLA Industries, it’s no service. Our only concern is he’s using
secret that their extended family runs the a DarkNight Scorch flamethrower, and
biggest crime syndicates in Mort City. SLA Industries might frown upon that.”
They were crime lords before SLA, and Mrs DeFeo conducted her interview
it’s likely they’ll be crime lords long after. with us with a framed photo of her son
SLA has mostly turned a blind eye to on her coffee table. She gazed lovingly
their extracurricular activities but one at his smiling face.
child of the DeFeo clan may have just “He’s a good boy really. He wouldn’t
crossed the line. dream of harming a real person.” She
Paulie DeFeo (18) is no stranger to continued, “All he needs is a little tender
trouble and mischief. When he was 14, loving care, and he’ll soon grow out of
he and a group of affluent friends from this.”
neighbouring Boom Families thought it We wait with baited breath, Mrs
was fun to ignite the homeless people of DeFeo…
Downtown, and drive over them
in their expensive cars. For these
misdemeanours the gang of ruf-
fians got a smack on the wrist,
and while his friends grew up
and towed the line, Paulie DeFeo
clearly wasn’t done.
Since becoming an adult,
Paulie has resumed torching the
less fortunate, and we at The
Slasher suggest the teenager is
transforming into a fully fledged
Serial Killer, going by the name of
TouchPaper.
As yet, TouchPaper has no
Cognate, but he does have a
collection of Syndicate nannies
watching his every move and
making sure the beloved off-
spring of the DeFeo comes to no
harm.
“Well, boys will be boys,”
Ginevra Defeo, Paulie’s mother
told The Slasher, “I even dab-
bled in serial murder when I was
KEEP IT IN T
Our weekly update on the Family Values Cognate
Blaster Mitchell. The drunken Slop was
CURRENT CASUALTIES exiting District 2 bar - The Happy Kitten
This month we saw a much higher turn- and proceeded to relieve himself in the
around of newcomers within the Cog- alley beside the drinking establishment,
nate losing a total of 5 fresh faces! Angry when Mickey took full advantage of a
Jeff, a rather bland strangler type, had piss easy kill!
his face eaten off by a Skulker, what a Blaster was stabbed 34 times with a
way to go! Yuk. soft company brand vibro blade, but
Bloody Bitch, who showed some prom- a Shiver Medic assigned to the early
ise in the first week of her arrival, killing stages of investigation told The Slasher
a Prop with particular grace and style, he was dead after the third puncture
unfortunately ate the frozen yoghurt wound. After murdering Mitchell in cold
Plain Jane had been saving in the fridge, blood, Mickey proceeded to steal one of
which resulted in an argument with fatal his Snubbers and fled back to the Family
consequences… Value hideout. Not the smartest move,
SnapHappy proved popular on the tv you may be thinking, and you’d be think-
show, with viewers expressing their love ing right.
of his grinning mask design. Sadly, it Blaster Mitchell was a member of the
did not save SnapHappy from that razor Slop Squad - ‘Boss Man’s Wrath’, a
disc entering his skull when his signature team pretty well known for going after
Mk 2 Buzzkill Gun exploded in his hand. Cognates as part of their routine BPNs.
Nasty. There’s very little doubt that they’ll take
Big Blinky and Wally Webern simulta- this hit personally, and so the Family
neously killed each other in a fight for Values better be especially vigilant in the
the tv remote. It was either Bonky Street coming days.
or Showdown in Newtown, and neither Or at least they would be if Mickey had
viewer got to watch their favourite show bothered to inform Da-Da about his
that evening… latest kill.
Da-Da really does need to raise the We suspect things are about to get
quality bar on these incoming new especially ugly for our band of barmy
recruits, doesn’t he? butchers. Watch this space for more
details as they come!
NAUGHTY BOY
Mickey Monster may have hit the big TERRITORIAL PISSING
leagues on Monday night, after getting If you’ve been following Family Values
the drop on SCL 9 Human Operative - on the telly, you’ll know that they’ve been
THE FAMILY
butting skulls with neighbouring Cog-
nate - Heads Will Roll for the last couple
him to destroy all other cartoon faced
food products in the Values’ kitchen. So
of months, and things almost came to a it’s goodbye Piggy Wiggy, Chuckle Dog
head again when Clive Colossus of the spaghetti, and Ronnie Roach gog stop-
Values sized up to Clarence Brute of the pers.
Rolls. Judging by Bert’s tearful response it
Apparently there was a dispute as sounds like they’ve all got something to
to who had dominion over the plastic say to this poor Serial Killer. Obviously,
ball swamp in the Cheerykins Soft Play we can’t see or hear any of this (and nei-
Centre in their local District. ther can any of the increasingly frustrated
The two lumbering monsters angrily Family members) but this imaginary
duked it out in full sight of 24 children who cacophony of noise in Daggermouth’s
were hoping for a slightly less bloody head has keep on edge and wide awake
playtime that morning. Things got even for four days straight, and The Slasher’s
more heated when ‘Brute decided to prediction can only end in blood.
assert his dominance by urinating in said Is the Inner Voice Drone responsible
ball swamp and only Killers from their for this? Will Da-Da finally put Bert Dag-
own Cognate were able to drag them off germouth out of misery? Will the Family
each other. Values Cognate find the Dream Sac
growing slowly in their loft space?...
“Well, it’s not on, is it?” Maury McCann,
Tune into ‘Keep It In The Family’ next
proprietor, told The Slasher, “I’ve warned
week, and find out!
them both on three separate occasions
to ease back on the roughhousing. If they
can’t play nice then they can find some
other ball swamp to immerse themselves
in. I’ve given them both a week long ban
from Cheerykins. I know it’s a bit harsh,
but they have to learn.”
Kids today…

CEREAL MURDER
Bert Daggermouth has once again
started talking to the cartoon character
on a cereal box. Gigglin’ George, of Gig-
gleCrunch of Wheatish inc. started tell-
ing Bert all sorts of terrible things about
his long dead mother and has ordered
NEIGHBOURHO
Have you had a run in with a remorseless monster? Fled from a
frightful beast? Been narrowly missed by a nutcase with a nail gun?
Why not drop us a line and let us know what Serial Killer encounters
you’ve been dealing with this week!
PO Box 04, The Slasher

DOGGONE IT! Bladesmith chopped his head off last

week and now I can finally eat my lunch
Dear Slasher,
in peace.
I was rudely awakened (sic) on Tuesday
Please write me back at the address
night by the sounds of my pet dog barking
above so I can thank Bladesmith properly.
in pain and fear? As I looked out my bed-
All the best,
room window I saw Rancid Ralphie having
Bert Willis
carmel (sic) relations with my little Buster
in the alleyway! I want you to tell Raphie to
Cut It Out! He has lots of money and can ASKING FOR A FRIEND
afford to buy his own dog to go inside of. Dear Slasher,
Just leave my little Buster out of it! This I have a friend who really, really wants to
isn’t the first time it’s happened niether be a Serial Killer? He claims to have killed a
(sic) but it better be the last. few small animals and a Human neighbour
I know that Buster is a good looking boy but isn’t quite sure how to proceed. Is it too
but there’s only so much a Jack Russel early to join a Cognate or get ShowBiz rep-
can take. resentation? Are firearms or blades more
Yours certainly, (sic) in vogue right now?
Mrs Doris Francie Lynnewood Looking for any tips,
‘Sleepless in Sector 4.’
GOOD DEEDS
Dear Slasher, BACKED UP!
Good afternoon, I was just wondering if Dear Slasher,
you have an address or PO Box for Blade- Hi, I hope you are well. I’ll get to it - I think
smith, as I would like to send a Shampoo Personification Of Evil lives in my apart-
Pamper Hamper and note of thanks. Mr ment block (address withheld) and he’s
Summeron, the foreman at the auto shop been trying to flush his victim’s innards
where I work, has been a pain in my ass down the lav, and it’s starting to block up
for the last three years. My contract states the pipes and cause an awful stink. Look,
that I’m allowed a 45 minute lunch break it’s an old building and the pipes just can’t
not 30 minutes, but he still had a go at me handle it. Would it be possible for Mr. Evil
every day over this.
OOD NUTJOBS
to help with paying a plumber to come in and warned him and he never listens to his
and unclog the drains. The quote I got was mum. Well, enough’s enough.
45u an hour, for max 3 hour’s work. I think There’ll be no more antics in Downtown
this is very reasonable and it’d be great if until he cleans up that carpet, and puts
Personnification could chip in. those games away!
Thanks again, Yours sincerely,
Thomas Ansell. Mrs. Bertha Hendon.

PIE TO DIE FOR BIRTHDAY BOY

Dear Slasher, Dear Slasher,
Alright, chaps? You lot interviewed me a I was wondering if you could help me out.
week ago at Helping Hand Hall and I just My son Richard is just about to turn 10 and
wanted to drop you a quick line to see if he’s a huge fan of Robbie Rictus - could
you knew where I can get some more of you tell me if he’s free and available for
those brilliant Elmerson Pies? I’ve been to bookings? Richard has all his merchan-
every supermarket in my neighbourhood dise and he’d be over the moon if his idol
trying to get them but no one stocks them. could make a surprise appearance at his
I’m really hankering after them now! birthday party on the 23rd.
This soup kitchen is just shit now, and Please do get in touch asap!
everyone wants more of them pies. Do you Mrs Angela Jennings.
have any leads? We’re about ready to start
making them ourselves, and we have all
the potential ingredients.
ALL BETS ARE OFF
Hungrily yours, Dear Slasher,
Alfie Banowski I really hope that asshole Contract Killer
‘Gun Bunny’ gets his fucking face shot
off! I put my week’s wages on a GoreZone
ON TIME OUT! bet and I’ll be eating out of bins until next
Dear Slasher, month. All my money on dead cert Danny
Just letting you and the community know Dental making it to five kills, but that Bunny
that ‘Hammerhead’ Harry Hendon is not wanker blew him up just after his fourth!
going to be at the next Gorezone, or any Bastard!
public events for the rest of the month. If there are any Serial Killers reading this
Harry spilled an entire tin of emulsion paint letter in the Slasher - do me a favour and
all over the carpet in the spare room and take that shit head out!
I told him repeatedly to put newspapers Yours,
down and now he’s made an absolute Broke Fan.
mess so he’s grounded. I’ve warned him,
 GAME CHANGER Those folks are absolutely bonkers, I
mean, what’s wrong with them, seriously?!
Dear Slasher,
They were interviewing these two teen-
When are our Serial Killers going to grow
agers who had glue coming out of their
some fucking balls? All they do is kill Civil-
nostrils, and they barely made any sense
ians and Shivers, and it’s getting lame! We
at all. It was fucking mad!
want them to get out there and start taking
Then there’s these Props who run the
those SLA Ops down a peg!
area, they call themselves The Quartet,
You’ve got all that sweet new gear and
and I so want to see them in a GoreZone,
weaponry from your ShowBiz Agents -
seriously, they’d totally clean up!
how about using them on the Slops? Put
The Klick’s End expose was just a one
some effort in and entertain us!
off special report, and I’m pissed because
Hoping for better,
I’d pay cash money for a proper tv series
Mildred Planter (Retired)
about these goofballs, I’m not kidding!
Who here agrees with me?
POVERTY PORN We, the people need to contact Chan-
Dear Slasher, nel S/D or maybe Realtime Media and get
I watched this Third Eye news report Klick’s End syndicated!
the other night about a Downtown Sector I really need to try some of that Bond X
called ‘Klick’s End’ and it was brilliant! glue, and see what all the fuss is about.
Fingers crossed,
Bobby Aitkins

Continued from page 9 half a van’s worth by but slipped on a slab of

then. They filled half the Gore-zone-gola, smack-
The plan was for the van, but Glitterlice went ing his head on the kerb
cognate to break into the back for one more slab of as he fell.
facility and steal as much Bio-brie as the van drove
He died instantly.
packaged cheese as they off. Running down the
could fit in their murder The rest of the cognate
streets, shouting “Wait
van, with Llenchetti The for me, I’ve got cheese,” emptied his pockets and
Garotte driving the van Glitterlice caught up just refilled them with cheese,
as the rest of the cognate as the van stopped for hoping he’d get the sole
disappeared into the him and he ran headlong blame for the raid. Unfor-
night and made their way into the back doors, wet tunately, being a recog-
back to their lair. cheese flying. nisable Squeaky Barker
It all started to go wrong And here was where member worked against
when Dansey tripped the Dansey made his fatal his cognate’s anonymity
alarm … mistake. He jumped out
and the whole gang was
With the alarm tripped, of the back of the van,
the gang knew the jig pulled up by the Shivers.
knocking what cheese
was up and they’d have Glitterlice had left in Where did The Slasher
to get out with as much his arms all over the get the inside scoop?
cheese as they had on road. He jumped out to Brie’d never divulge our
them, which was about recover what he could, sources.