There he goes again! He lets his eyes trail every girl he comes across. What am I to him?
Nothing, that's what. He casually makes fun of teenage angst, that care free soul of his. If he
wasn't so busy gazing girls and gazed upon my eyes, he would see what angst he's creating in
me.
He likes me a lot. That's what he would say to me. What he doesn't understand is I don't want
'like'; I want love. Sometimes I don't think it's really worth it, that I get myself all in a huff for
nothing. But when I look at him, when I am with him; when to him, I am the only girl on Earth, I
see what makes him beautiful. I see why I love him in the first place. That's what love is, yin and
yang. It all comes full circle.
Is it worth it? If I can make him mine, it would be worth its salt, twenty fold. If I could ever tell
him I love him...
But it's so hard. When he kids around about not liking me, when he acts like I don't exist when he
is around his friends, when...when he doesn't act like the way he does when we are alone...I
really question if he takes me seriously.
One minute, he would take me out. We would go shopping. He would buy me clothes, the
prettiest things. He would say, 'Try this on! I want to see if I'm right'.
'Right about what?' I would ask.
'I made a bet with myself. I said, I bet there is nothing on Earth that would make you more
beautiful than the way I hold you in my heart' he would grin. I almost melted on the spot. Why is
it he can give me the most wondrous compliment, yet cannot come to terms with the word 'love'?
When we hang out with his friends, I get close to him, and he pushes me away. 'Why are you
getting close to me? Do you like me or something?' he would laugh with his friends. I would
flicker a quick smile. I smile, knowing that if I said yes, I could knock him and his little friends
for a loop. I would pour my soul out onto his shaggy carpet. I would say stuff like 'Yes dear, I
like you...no...I love you. I felt this way ever since that time. Remember, you looked at me and
smiled. You admired my beauty so much that you couldn't resist holding my hand'.
That would be a double edged sword. It would serve to surprise him, give him what he least
suspects. Then I would have the fact that I told him the honest truth, lifting mountains off of my
shoulder. It would wake him up and see how I feel about him, about everything. Ok, a triple
edged sword. Teenage angst and love is incomplete without flashy and nonsensical metaphors.
Why does he have to tear me so? Paper is the only thing that should be torn, not my heart! Come
on girl, don't lose your composure!
Whew, ok, now that I found myself again. He's finally looking at me. He said I look pale, like I
had something on my mind. Only if he knew! Something on my mind, more like everything, am
I right? I sure am. Right then I felt like spilling it, but now wasn't the time.
It's times like when he acts unsavory when I really question if he's worth my emotions. I question
if he really holds me in high regards. Am I just a friend to him? Am I a good friend? A great
friend...a best friend? The best?
I will never know, because this kid is a brick wall. I can't read him. Either he's emotionless, or he
is really artful at putting up a front. He is sly like that. Sometimes he will let a little emotion
show, he will let me read him. It's those times I'd rather read a book, not because I don't want to
know how he feels at the moment, because when I catch a good vibe from him, it makes things
worse. I get my hopes up, and then I get shot down.
Oh well, someday I will find out how he really feels.
