TAX FREE

Characters:
Ravikant Shinde
Nayan Katla
Vikas Khosla
Akash JADHAV
S.M. Patil

BRIGHT WHITE LIGHTS COME UP, A SMALL FOLDING ON STAGE-CENTRE

FLANKED BY TWO COUCHES/CHAIRS, A TEATABLE IS BESIDE EACH CHAIR, A MIC AND A RADIO
ARE KEPT ON THE TEATABLE ON THE LEFT, BASIC FURNITURE EVERYWHERE, THE ENTRANCE
TO THE ROOM IS ON THE RIGHT, IT’S RAISED SLIGHTLY OFF THE GROUND
JADHAV CAN BE SEEN DOING PUSHUPS, KHOSLA APPEARS TO BE THROWING PEANUTS AT
HIM.
MUSIC CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND
JADHAV COLLAPSES ON THE FLOOR, TIRED.
KHOSLA STARTS EATING PEANUTS
JADHAV GETS UP

KHOSLA: _ (WHILE JADHAV GETS UP) Abey Tata Ka naya model. Kya solid popular ho gya hai, har
Koi chala raha hai.

JADHAV: Haan bhai! Jo tu bole. EK toh tu hai andha jo mujhe gaadi Ka model bta rha hai aur mazze Ki
baat toh ye hai Ki jisko bata raha hai vo mai bhi andha. Laga tu shendi.
(KHOSLA THROWS A PEANUT AT JADHAV)

KHOSLA: (LAUGHING) Dekhaaa sirf awaz se ….Sirf firing sunkar gadi Ka model pehchan leta hai apun.
Itne saal garage ese hi chalaya Kya, tu mujhse neend me bhi puchle Konsi gaadi me Kitna nut hai aur
Kitna bolt hai vo mai tereko bataega.
[JADHAV SETTLES ON THE COUCH NEAREST TO HIM]

JADHAV: Acha toh bta re, umm “FIAT padmini” me Kitne nut hai?

KHOSLA: (PONDERS A MOMENT, THEN SPEAKS CONFIDENTLY) Kya faltu sawal puchta hai be, yeh
mai neend mai hi bathaunga tu raat mai puch (laughs)
[BELL RINGS]

JADHAV and KHOSLA: MASTER!! MASTER!!

[SHINDE ENTERS FROM STAGE LEFT]

SHINDE: Aata hun, ata hun, ruko. (PICKS UP THE MIC AND SPEAKS INTO IT). Welcome Mr KATLA ,
welcome to tax free entertainment. EK Kaam Kejiye darwaza Khula hai seeda andar aa jaiye.
KATLA: (FROM OFFSTAGE) Aaata hoon.
[KATLA enters from stage right, loses his step on the entrance and falls on the ground, JADHAV
KHOSLA and SHINDE start laughing, it becomes evident that all the four characters are blind. KATLA is
carrying a walking stick and a bag.]

KATLA: Arre Kya hai ye?!?

(KATLA GETS UP AND DUSTS HIMSELF OFF)

SHINDE: (WHILE KATLA GETS UP) Congrats Mr KATLA aap entrance test pass ho gye, ab aapki club
mai entery pakki.

KATLA: Kya behooda mazak hai ye!!! Ye bhi Koi tareeka hai entrance test lene Ka! Haddi waddi toot jati
toh?

KHOSLA: Haatt!! Yeh toh sirf speed breaker hai, silencer maar Khaata hai tootta nahi.

KATLA: Kon?! Aur Kon hai yahan? Shinde ?

SHINDE: Shinde, Mai yahan pe hoon, idhar aur do log hain aapki jaan pehchan ho jayegi. EK Kaam
Kejiye aap pehle andar toh aiye, dayne hath ek Kathiya hai, vo aapki.

KATLA: Khatiya hai na idhar? (Pokes the bed with his stick) varna aap log meri Khatiya Khadi Kar denge
[KATLA sits down on the bed and places his bag next to him]

SHINDE: Arre KATLA sahab ab hume yakin ho gya hai (SHINDE attempts to sit beside him but sits on his
bag instead, KATLA Moves the bag to the other side) yeh club ma sirf andhe logo Ke liye chalata hoon
(sits on KATLA’s bag again) agar idhar Koi gaer andha aa gya toh humme Kaise pata chalega, vo main
bhi to andha hoon na, vaise aap chai lete hai ?

JADHAV: Haan hum lete hain!

SHINDE: Nahi agar aap (KATLA) lete hain toh main bana dunga varna nahi.

KATLA: Haan bhai lete hain (SHINDE begins walKing away) , lekin itna badhiya mausam ho raha hai
agar thodi……

SHINDE: Thodi Kya?

KATLA: Thodi Coffee mil jati toh mazza aa jata.

SHINDE: (revulsed) Nahi nahi, coffee nahi, coffee se uttejana hoti hai, na mai coffee peeta hoon na pilata
hoon. Aapko chahiye toh bna lejiye Khud.

KATLA: Nhi nhi chai chalegi mujhe.

SHINDE: Vo aap apna bag neeche rakh lena please .

(SHINDE leaves room)
[KATLA places the bag on the floor]

KATLA: Coffee pene se ise Kya uttejana milti hain pata nahi .
KHOSLA: Isko lagta coffee pene wale insaan Ka pair humesha accelerator pe hota hai, break par jata hi
nahi.

KATLA: Matlab inhone Kabhi coffee pi hi nahi hai?

JADHAV: Arey baal bhrahmachari hai vo.

(KHOSLA listening to car nearby)

KHOSLA: Aila! Mini maruti.

KATLA: Mini maruti (laughing)

JADHAV: Lagta hai isne maruti Ka chota wala model sun liya hoga.

KATLA: Vaise aap log hai Kon?

JADHAV: Iss hasti Ko VIKAS KHOSLA Kehte hain.

KHOSLA: Aur Iss hasti Ko AKASH JADHAV Kehte hain.

KATLA: (stands up) Aur mai hoon NAYAN SHIV KATLA.

KHOSLA: Katla? Kya Kaat-laa?

JADHAV: Vaise ye Kis jaati me aati hai?

KATLA: (Moving away) Kyun? Aapko Kya Lena hai?

JADHAV: Nahi vo Kya hai na… mujhe baat shuru Karni thi, hum indian hai toh socha caste se hi shuru
Karun.
(JADHAV and KATLA both sit bacK down)

KHOSLA: Aap pehle ye btao apki headlight Kab phooti?

KATLA: Headlight??

JADHAV: Arre ye pooch rha hai aap andhe Kab hue?

KATLA: OH.

JADHAV: Vaise hum dono pichle ek do saal sai andhe hain.

KATLA: Mai yahin Kuch 5-6 saal, mundan tha mere bete Ka,tab hua ye.

KHOSLA: Waah re KATLA tumhara beta bhi hai solid running hua hai tumhari gaadi ka. (laughs)

JADHAV: Vaise ye btaye aap apne bete Ke function mai aisa Kya Karr rhe the jisse apki akhen chli gyi?

KATLA: Ab Kya btaun mai takkdeer Ka alag hi Khel tha..

JADHAV: Arre serious nhi yaar.

KATLA: Arre serious baat Ko bina serious huye Kaise Karoon ?

KHOSLA: KATLA sahab tension nhi lene Ka, aapko jaisa bolne Ka hai vaise bole agar aapki gaadi off
road ho gyi to hum use track par le ayenge..ok..now start.

KATLA: Kya btaun main KHOSLA, JADHAV, takkdeer Ka Kuch ajeeb hi Khel hai (sad music starts
playing, KATLA stands up and slowly moves forward) Kisi behte jharne Ka achanak selab ban jana
(JADHAV is visibly bored) aur ., aur usme hamare sare sapne, sare armaan tinke Ki tarah beh jana , Kisi
thandi hawa Ke jhoke Ka Kisi toofan mai badal jana aur ye toofan Kahin jakar rukta hai udhar hum apne
aap Ko pate hain eK anjaan modh pai, jahan se na aage jana Ka raasta hai na peeche jane Ka….aur
rasta dhoondne Ka Koi matlab bhi nhi.

KHOSLA: Kyunki hmare headlights phoot chuke hote hain.

JADHAV: Arre KATLA sahib aap off road ho gye, point par to aiye?

KATLA: Vo Kya hai Kabhi Kuch pdha tha vo mann main baith gya, socha Kabhi mauka mile to bol dunga
aur aaj mauka bhi tha aur dastoor bhi. Role ki demand samjhiye na.

JADHAV: Waah waah, lgta hai aap bdi achi Kitab pdhte the, nhi to ye KHOSLA , Kuch bhi padh leta tha.
[Alarm rings, JADHAV&KHOSLA get up]

KHOSLA: 10 bj gye, nahane Ka samaye ho gya hai.

KATLA: Waah aap sharp 10 bje nahate hain?

JADHAV: Kahe Ka sharp, yeh sala 10 mahine se nhi nahaya hoga Kabhi. Kya hain na KATLA sahab baju
wale Kamre me ek ladki hai, jawan, vo nhati hai iss waqt.

KATLA: Toh?

JADHAV: Toh Kya, use sunege. Zara taam jham jamma rkha hai.

KATLA: Kya?? Nahate hue sunenge?

KHOSLA: Kya apne Kabhi Kisi Ko nahate huye sunna nhi hai?

KATLA: NHI.

KHOSLA: Dekhne se fursat hi nhi mili hogi. Aaj bda mza ayega, chaliye aage aye jaldi. (all of them moves
forward) yahi pe Khidki hai bathroom Ke baju vali, yahi ladki nahati hai. JADHAV gana lga gana.

KATLA: Gaana?

JADHAV: Haan phir, background music.

KHOSLA: KATLA sahab sochiye aap eK film ke hero hain. Aur aap hain Ki Kinhi…. Aur aap hain Ki
Kinhi….. Aur aap hain Ki Kinhi…
JADHAV: MandaKini Ko deKh rhe ho!

KATLA: (disgusted) Mandakini !!! Arre Mandakini jab rhi thi tab mai school me tha.

KHOSLA: Theek hai, aur aap hain Ki Kinhi…Kinhi..

KATLA: Point samajh aa gya, Kisko deKhna hai vo tum mujh par chod do.

KHOSLA: Chal gana lga na.

JADHAV: Arre use aane toh de bhai …. Arre KATLA sahab involve hoke suniyega , newsreport nhi sun
rhe yahan Kuch private chl rha hai.
(Woman enters)

KATLA: (shouting) Kya ho rha yahan?

JADHAV: Arre KATLA sahab sirf sunye matt, apne mann Ki aaKhon se deKhiye. Ab vo ladki dheere
dheere apne badan se Kapde niKaal rhi hogi. Apne baal band rhi hogi..

KHOSLA: Nhi nhi, aaj baal dhone Ka din hai, Khule rehne do.
(song plays)

JADHAV: Voh aap hi Ke baare me soch Kar sharma rhi hogi, har jagah aap hi dikhaye de rhe honge,
aine(mirror) me, shower me, tub me..

KHOSLA: Soap me, commode me.

JADHAV: Ab vo shower Ke neeche Khadi ho gyi hogi.

(SOUND OF A SHOWER BEING TURNED ON)
(THE LIGHT OFUSES ON THEM AS THEY GIGGLE WITH EXCITEMENT)

JADHAV: Woh apne badan Ko chhute hue paani Ko dehk Ke Kahegi.

KHOSLA: Ui Maa! Mera sabun?

(MUSIC ROLLS UP )

KATLA: KHOSLA yeh ladki thande paani mein nha rhi hai ya garam paani mein?

KHOSLA: Aji mere liye toh thanda paani hai. Aap apne aap sochiye.

KATLA: Sahi hai, Sahi hai thana paani. Kya baat hai? Kya baat hai?

KATLA: JADHAV?

JADHAV: Hmmm?

KATLA: Aise waqt pe lagta hai Ki Kaash hamari aankhein hoti.

KHOSLA: Aila sandal!!

(JADHAV & KATLA JUMP IN SURPRISE)

KATLA: Sandal??
KHOSLA: Khushboo wala sandal KATLA.
(ALL OF THEM GIGGLE WITH EXCITEMENT)

KATLA: Kya baat hai? Kya baat hai?

Mere toh raungte Khade ho gye!!

(JADHAV & KHOSLA JERK TO EITHER SIDE)

KHOSLA: Yeh Kya hai?

JADHAV: Chillaiye mat. Warna sunne wala nhi Khaane wala sandal milega

KATLA: Aah.

(JADHAV and KHOSLA RETURN TO THEIR SEATS)

KHOSLA: Katla! Oh Katla!

JADHAV: Oh Katla!

KHOSLA: Katlaa..

JADHAV: Ae Bunty tera saboon slow hai Kya re?

KATLA: Kya? Ho gaya? Bas itna sa?

KHOSLA: Ha toh. Itne paisa me bas itna ich milega.

KATLA: Arrey KHOSLA magar abhi toh who ladKi tauliye se apna badan poch rhi hogi na.

KHOSLA: Lekin usse sunenge Kaise na? Kabhi apne aap Ko suna hai tauliye se badan pochte hue?

KATLA: Lekin iss room mein toh mic hai na?

KHOSLA: Toh?

KATLA: Agar turkish towel istemaal Kar rhi hogi toh

JADHAV: Kharr Kharr Kharr Kharr…. Bas itna hi sunai dega.

KHOSLA: Samjhe?

KATLA: Haan theek Kaha.

KHOSLA: (mimicKing) “Turkish towel” haha.

JADHAV: Kidhar gya re?

[KATLA goes bacK to his seat]

KATLA: Maza aa gaya lekin. Poore mahine Ki feel ek hi program mein vasool. Arrey Kitne Khush naseeb
hain hum Ki uss ladki Ko roz nahane Ki aadat hai. Socho, iss KHOSLA jaisi hoti toh Kya hota?

JADHAV: Arrey mai toh uss ladki Ke baare mien soch rha hoon. Sattar saal ki ho gyi phir bhi roz thanda
paani.

KATLA: (Stunned) Sattar saal! Kaun sattar saal? Yeh Khoobsurat ladki sattar saal ki hai?

KHOSLA: Arrey humko Kya pata hai? Humko toh yeh bhi pta nhi ki who ladki hai ki nhi.

KATLA: Kya matlab?

JADHAV: Arrey KATLA saab, wahan se har roz subah subah nahane ki awaz aati hai. Ab hume toh Kuch
bhi dikhne se rha . Toh bas jo hum sochenge wahi hai. You are free Mr KATLA. Just imagine, you are
free. Ab wahan pe Koi apne Kutte ko bhi nehla rha hoga toh hume Kya pharak padega.

KATLA: Yeh bhi theek Kahan. We are free.

KHOSLA: Arrey KATLA sahab Kuch filmy gaane waane bhi sunte ho ya sirf situational songs.

KATLA: Nhi nhi. Lagao lagao. Kuch radio wagerah lagao.

KHOSLA: Haan haan radio.

(JADHAV STARTS THE RADIO. A SONG ABOUT EYES STARTS PLAYING)

KATLA: (Visibly Irritated)Please ankhein nhi, please Koi dusra lagao.

(JADHAV CHANGES THE CHANNEL. ANOTHER SONG ABOUT EYES STARTS PLAYING)
[JADHAV&KHOSLA start laughing]

KATLA: Arrey bas Kar yaar!

KHOSLA: Arrey yaar.(LAUGHING) JADHAV Kya Kar rha hai?

JADHAV: (LAUGHING) Mai Kya Kar rha hoon.

KATLA: Kuch naya lagao yaar.

(JADHAV CHANGES THE CHANNEL AGAIN AND ANKHOYON SE GOLI MAARE STARTS OKAYING
AND BOTH JADHAV AND KHOSLA STAND UP AND START DANCING)

KATLA: Arrey bas Karo yaar. Ankhein ankhein ankhein ankhein. Ankho ke sivaye admi Ke badan mein
Kuch hai bhi hai Ki nhi? Kuch phephde, gurdey… inke gaane nahi hai aapke paas?!

KHOSLA: Arrey KATLA sahab aap toh gussa ho gye. Dekhiye gussa mat hoiye, aapke phephdo Ke liye
achha nhi hai.

(SHINDE enters from stage-left carrying a cup of tea)

SHINDE: Aapki chai. Without sugar.(SITS DOWN NEXT TO KATLA)

KATLA :Aapko Kaise pata chala mujhe diabetes hai?

SHINDE: (HANDING THE CUP TO KATLA) Shaadi Ko 10 saal ho Gaye aapki, par bachha bas ek..Kyu?
Diabetes!
Woh Kya hai diabetes Ki wajah se you Know uss department mein zara problem ho jata hai.

KATLA: Kya tallukh hai? Kuch bhi bolte ho aap. Kabhi coffee, Kabhi diabetes.
JADHAV: Arrey yeh SHINDE Ke baaton Ko dil pe mat lijiye KATLA saab.

KHOSLA: Yakeen maniye aapke bas headlights toote hain engine, taka tak hai.

KATLA: Cigarette pee sakta hoon mai yahan ya phir usse mere baal girenge?

SHINDE: UsKe liye cigarette Ki Kya zaroorat hai? Coffee aur diabetes dono hain. Aap omlette Khaate
hain?

KATLA: Ab usne Kya problem hai?

SHINDE: Nhi nhi. Khana mai banane wala hoon. Agar aap Khate hain toh theeK hai warna aapke liye
lauki.

KATLA: Nhi nhi. Khata hoon, Khata hoon.

SHINDE: Very good. KHOSLA chalo. Apna time ho gaya.

KHOSLA: Haan.
(KHOSLA & SHINDE BOTH GET UP)

KATLA: Aap Kahan ja rhe ho?

SHINDE: Kuch saaman lana hai, toh leke aate hain. Okay? Chalo bhai.

(KHOSLA AND SHINDE EXIT FROM STAGE RIGHT)

KATLA: (WHILE LIGHTING THE CIGARETTE) Toh. JADHAV

JADHAV: Haan Kahiye.

KATLA: Cigarette piyenge aap?

JADHAV: Nhi nhi aap pijiye.

KATLA: Waise, bura na maano toh ek baat poochu aapse?

JADHAV: Haan puchiye puchiye. Bura Kis baat Ka.

KATLA: Nhi. Aapki ankhein?

JADHAV: Haan wo… KATLA sahab eK Kaam Kijiye eK cigarette de hi dijiye.

KATLA: Arrey zaroor. (HANDS HIM ONE) Lighter?

JADHAV: Lighter hai.

KATLA: Yeh achanak se Kya ho gaya?

JADHAV: Woh Kya hai, Koi bhi serious baat Karni ho aur cigarette haath mein ho naa, solid impact hota
hai. Kas liya, dhuaa chhoda and uss dhuye pe apna dialogue deliver Kiya. Jab dhuye Ki density aur
dialogue Ka wajan level hota hai na, solid tension create hota hai.

Yeh dekhiye…(HE TAKES A LONG PUFF)

KATLA sahab Mujhe cancer hai.
KATLA: (LAUGHS) Aap bhi naa. Jab dekho tab mazaak.

JADHAV: Yeh mazaak nhi hai KATLA. Mujhe sach much cancer hai.

KATLA: Kya? Oh no.

(JADHAV GOES TO STAGE-FRONT)

(CUE SAD MUSIC)

JADHAV: Woh zindagi Ke baare mein aapne Kahan tha naa. Bilkul sahi hai. Tumour, tumour. Apni
aankhon Ki nase dimaag mein jahan pe cross hoti hainaa. Wahin hoti hai yeh. Jab shuruat hui pata hi nhi
chala. Rayi jitne the ye sahib, jab tab tak pata chala Khajoor jinta ho gaye the. Doctor bole inoperable hai,
radiation is the only solution. Maine bola yaar Kise chahiye radiation. Jitni bhi zindagi bachi hai naa, wo
hass Ke hi sahi hai, Andhere mein hi sahi hai, Has Ke bitana chahta hoon.

KATLA: Wah…. great.

JADHAV: Naya naya engineer bana tha. Campus mein hi placement ho gyi thi.

KATLA: Accha!

JADHAV: Nayi degree, nayi naukri. Jawani Ka josh. Maano poori duniya meri mutthi mein ho!

KATLA: Kya hua? (PATTING JADHAV'S BACK) Hota hai yaar, hota hai aisa..

JADHAV: Indore me posting tha mera.

KATLA: Arrey wah. Indore mein? Wahan pe toh sasural hai mera.

JADHAV: Acchaa..

KATLA: Haan

JADHAV: Kya badhiya sheher hai. Aur itne badhiya log.

KATLA: Woh to hai.

JADHAV: Indore Ke uss Khoobsurat sheher mein mujhe meri wo mili thi. Zindagi set.

KATLA: Woh! Woh Kaun?

JADHAV: Arrey, samjha Kijiye KATLA sahab. AKsar esi Kahani mein ek jawan ladke Ko Kaun milti hai?

KATLA: Samajh gaya.

JADHAV: Hamari Kahani bhi Kuch aisi hi hai. Bohot interesting. Woh Amir Khan ne Sonali Bendre se nhi
Kahan tha, “Dawa bhi Kaam na aye, Koi dua naa lage..”

KATLA: Wah

JADHAV: “Dawa bhi Kaam na aaye, Koi dua bhi na lage,

mera Khuda Kisiko pyaar Ki hawa naa lage.”

KATLA: Wah wah, JADHAV tum toh shaayar ban gaye, yaar.

JADHAV: Arrey who toh banna hi tha. UsKi Khoobsoorati jo aisi thi Kya bataun uske baare mein. Bilkul
Amir Khan ne Rani Mukherjee se jaise Kahan tha naa,
“Husn Ko chand, jawani Ko Kamal Kehte hay …x2
dekh Kar hum tujhe eK shouk ghazal Kehte hay …
uff yeh sang-e-marmar sa tarasha hua shafaq badan …
dekhne wale tujhe Taj Mahal Kehte hay”

KATLA: Wah Wah! JADHAV Saab Kya baat hai! Phir Kya hua?

JADHAV: Arre phir Kya? Kitne din bachti vo hamare pyaar se, aakhir bebass hoke usne bhi humse Keh
diya.
Vahi jo is baar Kajol ne Aamir Khan se Kaha tha “Tere dil mein meri saanson Ko panaah mil jaye …
tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaye”

KATLA: Kya baat h, Kya baat h JADHAV, tumhari Kahani to ek dum dilchazp h. aur andaze bayan bhi.

JADHAV: Ahan, andaze bayan. Kya baat h KATLA sahib.

KATLA: Fir?

JADHAV: Fir...(Imitates Chaplin) ”Pyaar hua h, ikraar hua h, pyaar se fir Kyu darta h dil?”
[KATLA sings along]

KATLA: Haan! Ye mujhe pta h. ye Raj Kapoor ne Nargis se Kaha tha.

JADHAV: [Facepalm] Thik hai aap vahi samajhiye…

Bs ye dil vale dulahniya le hi jaate. Par iss Kahani me bhi ek bauji aagye, ‘Principal Godpade’.

KATLA: Principal Godpade?

JADHAV: Haan principal Godpade. UnKi beti Sudha (KATLA rises, surprised), vohi toh meri vo thi.

KATLA: Kya?! Sudha?? [gets angry] JADHAV aap jute ho ek no. Ke. Aap jis principal Godpade Ke bare
me baat Kr rhe hona unko mare huye 2 saal ho gye hai. Kya bakwas Kr rhe ho tum?

JADHAV: Kya? Principal Godpade guzar gye? Aur Sudha..

KATLA: [interrupts] Haan Sudha, unki badi beti Sudha___ pichle 10 saal se Mrs. Sudha Nayan Shiv
KATLA, iss naam se jani jaati hai. Kya Kya aanab shanab bake jaa rhe ho tum?

JADHAV: Kya? Sudha aur aap? Ye Kaise mumKin hai? Aap to vo Nagpur me the na?

KATLA: Haan haan, maine hi use Kaha tha Kuch din Indore jaake rehne Ko. Arey sasur Ke guzar jane Ke
baad saas aKeli pd gyi thi, meri esi halaat Ke bawjood maine use bheja tha.

JADHAV: Pr Sudha……

KATLA: (PROPERLY ANGRY NOW) Arey chup baitho yaar! uska naam mt lo tum toh. Ye saajish hai
tumhari Koi, Sudha aisa Kar hi nahi saKti hai…. Arey mai toh Kya uska beta bhi sirf use do din mil paata
tha, shanivaar aur eitwaar.

JADHAV: Tabhi…
KATLA: Kya tabhi?

JADHAV: Tabhi Sudha mujhe Kabhi weekend pe nahi mili.

KATLA: Kya? (getting depressed, walks towards the couch/sofa on the left and slumps down on it)
Sudha?.....Nahi Sudha esa Kr hi nahi sakti. Esa ho hi nahi sakta.

JADHAV: KATLA sahib? Arey KATLA Sahab. Aap Sudha Ke nazariye se zara sochiye, vo jawaan h,
Khoobsurat h, Kya laga hoga use ye sochke Ki apni puri zindagi ek andhe Ke saath guzaarni padegi? EK
tariff aap, aur eK tariff mai- young and handsome, aur apni dono aankhon se use dekh Kr sundar Kehne
vala. Huh…Asli naseeb toh uska foota. Shaadi Krke pyaar Kiya toh aap andhe hogye aur pyaar Krke
shaadi Krne Ka socha toh yahan par ye Khajoor. [while pointing towards his tumor] Aasman se gire aur
Khajoor me atke.
Sudha. Sudha. Sudha. [in grief]

KATLA: Sudha. Sudha. [syncing] …ye mai Kya sun rha hun chee. EK paraye mard Ke sath.

JADHAV (SOUNDS HURT)Paraya mard?? KATLA sahib Apne toh mujhe ek pal me paraya Kr diya? Ab
itni achi dosti hai hamari, zara sochiye Ki agar Sudha aur meri shaadi ho jati toh apni ye dosti rishtedari
me badal jati. Apki sagi patni Ka mai saga pati(LAUGHS)

KATLA: (RISES FROM HIS PLACE, INCENSED) Rey chup! Haramkhor, mai toh tera Khoon pee jaunga!
(TRIES TO GRAB JADHAV’S NECK. SHINDE AND KHOSLA ENTER THE ROOM RIGHT AT THAT
MOMENT KHOSLA IS CARRYING A POLYTHENE BAG, KATLA ACCIDENTALLY STARTS CHOKING
SHINDE INSTEAD)

SHINDE: Aaaa.. galat gardan pakdi hai aapne.

KHOSLA: Haan thoda right me jaake pakadiye. Aaj tk club ye program Kabhi nahi suna tha.
(SHINDE SEATS KATLA ON THE BED)

SHINDE: Arey KHOSLA. Kya mazak hai ye. Thaili Ka dhyaan rkhna chlo hn. Kya smjhe. Haan.

KHOSLA: Aaila KATLA. Tumhara tempo toh bahut awaaz Kr rela hai. Lagta h JADHAV ne tumhe
puncture Krdiya. Hehe.

KATLA: (DEFEATED) Arey Kya bataun mai, pura barbad ho gya mai toh. Esa hoga Kabhi socha bhi nahi
tha maine toh.

KHOSLA: Kya rey. Ye nahi socha tha, vo nahi socha tha. Kabhi ye socha tha Ki zindagi Ka asli mazza
Kisme hai? Hm? Roz vahi life- subah utho, chai piyo, dabba lo, office jao. Kaam Kro, Khana Khao, fir
Kaam Kro, chai piyo, ghar pe jao. Paper padho, TV dekho, Khana Khao aur fir biwi Ke saath baccho Ke
sone Ka intezar Kro.Ye Koi life hai? Hatt. Arey Ye toh 100 feet sunsan highway hai pe gaadi chalane jaisa
hai, vo bhi autogear me. KATLA life esi honi chahiye, thrilling, exciting. Socho ye bada adventure EK taraf
1000 feet gehri Khaayi aur dusri tariff aasman Ko chuta hua paahad. Kohra chaya hua hai. Aage Ka
raasta baye jaa rha hai Ki daaye samajh nahi aa rha aur ese me tumhari gaadi Ke break fail ho jaye. Isko
bolte hai thrill, isko bolte hai excitement.
[sad music starts to play in background]
Hmara life aur Kya hai bidu? Bhari jawani me batti gull. Ab har din thrill hai hmare liye, hr din excitement.
Hehe. Arey asli Tax Free entertained toh hum ho rhe hai. Arey beech interval me light gayi toh Kya hua?
Picture abhi baaKi h mere dost…
JADHAV: KATLA sahib, dekha? Itna lamba chauda dialogue bola lekin aapki biwi meri girlfriend, iss natak
Ke bare me Kuch nahi bola.

KATLA: (SURPRISED) Natak? Matlab ye sab Kuch natak tha?

JADHAV: Arey haan, aapko toh Khush hona chahiye Ki Sudha bhabhi bilkul pavitra hai.

KATLA: LeKin aapko mere bare me itna sab Kuch Kaise pata chala?

KHOSLA: Arey aapne book Krne Ke time pe landline no. diya tha na, aapke aane Ke pehle humne phone
Kr Ke bhabhi se Khoob baatein Ki, saari Kundali pta hai hme aapki. Hehe.

KATLA: Bhahut acha. Bhahut acha. Dhanya ho aap log.

JADHAV: Vese Sudha bhabhi bhahut achi hai (TEASING KATLA) me sach much Ka affair Krne me Koi
problem nahi hai.

KHOSLA: Ae Kya rey.

KATLA: Haan haan JADHAV, ab bas haan, esi beemari me bhi tumhe mazaak Kese sujhta hai?
[JADHAV and KHOSLA booth laughs]

KHOSLA: Arey iska cancer na, vo bhi baaju Ki mandaKni jese hai. JUST IMAGINE KATLA .
(JADHAV&KHOSLA LAUGH)

KATLA: Mujhe samajh jana chahiye tha, lekin ye thoda jyada nahi ho rha hai? Har cheez me juth muth
Krne Ki Kya zarurat h? Han Han pata hai entertainment, lekin seedhi baato se bhi ho sakti hai
entertainment.

JADHAV: Aap samjhe nahi KATLA sahib, Ye juth muth sab zaruri hai varna Kadwa sach Kese face Kr
payenge aap?

KATLA: Kadwa sach?

(JADHAV&KHOSLA MOVE TOWARDS KATLA, OMINOUS MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND)

JADHAV: Zara sochiye..

KHOSLA: AapKo Kya lagta hai ye club sach hai?

KATLA: Kya matlab?

JADHAV: Yahan aane Ke baad aapKe sath Kya Kya hua. Pehle aapKi entry.

KHOSLA: “dhadaam” eK dum se darr gaye-surprise.

JADHAV: Fir thodi jaan pehchan. Rahat.

KHOSLA: ease

JADHAV: Fir vo ladKi Ka nahana.

KHOSLA: lust, romance, excitement.

JADHAV: Fir mera cancer.

KHOSLA: Matlab aapKe liye anger, frustation, grief.

JADHAV: Upar neeche upar neeche, itne Kam samaye me yaani sab Kuch experience Kar liya aapne.

KATLA: Ye toh hai. Acha guzra din aaj thoda.

JADHAV: Aur ab entertainment Khallas. Ab sirf ‘The end game’.

KHOSLA: Matlab petrol Khallas KATLA. Aapko pata haina Ki iss room Ka darwaza zameen se thoda upar
hai?

JADHAV: Aur eK bta dun ye room ek dum fully sound proof hai.

KATLA: Kya chal rha h ab. Room sound proff vo bhi fully, vo Kyu?

KHOSLA: Vo Kya hai jab aapko sachayi Ke bare me pata lgega tab aap cheekhenge, chillayenge, ye
(PULLS KATLA TOWARDS WINDOW TO SHOW AND PULLS HIM BACK) dekhiye Khidki, darwaaza
sab puri tarah se bnd hai(THROWS HIM ON THE GROUND).

KATLA: DeKhiye agar ye mazaak hai toh bilKul bhi funny nahi hai hn.

JADHAV: Arey mazaak toh hmare sath hua hai. Bhari jawani me andhapan? Abhi tak duniya me humne
dekha hi Kya hai?

KHOSLA: Nahi hai advance medical science me iska ilaaj. Arey ese Kese nahi Koi ilaaj?

JADHAV: Lekin ilaaj hme mil gya. EK baba mile the unhone ek mantra diya, bhahut aasan sa. Bs vo
mantra aur teen andhe. Par ham andhe hai na.

KHOSLA: Toh hm teen andhe aur teen andhe Kahan se late, ye soch Ke hmare dimaag me ek idea aaya
aur vo bhi saste me. TAX FREE CLUB.

JADHAV: Subah vo Talpade aaye the, fir aap aur aapke piche piche vo patil bhi aa rhe hai.
(Both pulls KATLA down on Knees, Background music Intensifies)

KATLA: Mera mobile? Kya bakwas chal rha hai ye?

KHOSLA: Bakwas nahi chal raha h ye, Pooja hai ye hmari. Jadhav to gye ab bhairo baba Ko chahiye
aapki bali.
[both hails “Jai Bhaironath”]

[KATLA tries to escape, but JADHAV and KHOSLA grabs hold of him. SHINDE enters from stage-left with
a Knife]

SHINDE: KHOSLA, sab taiyari ho gayi? KATLA ko sb bta diya na?

KHOSLA: Haan Haan

KATLA: Aap ye galat Kr rhe ho.

SHINDE: Andhapan ajeeb awastha hai KATLA . Sahi galat Ka sath hi choot jata hai. Arey aap toh smjh
sakte haina hamara dard, Kaise jiyenge ye lambi zindagi aankhon Ke bina.
(KHOSLA BRINGS THE POLYTHENE BAG FROM UNDER THE TEA TABLE ON THE RIGHT, TAKES
OUT A ROPE FROM THE BAG AND HANDS IT TO JADHAV)
Rey aapko bhaironath Ki mukti pta hai? Nahi pata? Koi baat nahi hume pta hai na. Aap haar pehen lo hn
hn bhagwan Ke pass jana (KHOSLA PRODUCES A GARLAND AND A PACKET OF COLOUR FROM
THE BAG, KHOSLA PUTS GARLAND ON KATLA’S NECK) maang bhro inki.

KHOSLA: [rubs color on his head] Jai bhaironath.

KATLA: Aap log pagal ho gye ho. Arey Koi hai?(ALL THREE MEN HOLD HIM DOWN) MandaKni?
Auntyji?

KHOSLA: Unfortunately vahan toh Koi shower bhi nahi hai. Sara Kaand to hiss CD me hai.

KATLA: Aap ye thik nahi Kr rhe ho. TALPADE Ko marke aap bhale hi bach gye hoge lekin meri biwi Ko
yahan Ka address pata hai. Vo yaegi yahan.

SHINDE: 10 mahine baad. Tb tK hm use behKate rahenge. Ye JADHAV haina sath. Ae KHOSLA laaa.

JADHAV: Aur fir 10 mhine baad hm apne naino Ke teer Kahin aur chala rhe honge.
[KHOSLA sings “Chalao na naino se baan re...” All together “..Jaan lelo na jaan rey.”]

SHINDE: Chalo chalo Khoon jamma Krke prashad chadhana hai. Patil bhi aate hi honge. Mantra shuru
Kro.
[Chanting starts]
“JAI BHAIRONATH”
(SHINDE PERFORMS RITUAL, JOINS HIS HANDS, MANTRAS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND,
JADHAV,KHOSLA&SHINDE GET DOWN ON THEIR KNEES, JADHAV & KHOSLA ARE STILL
HOLDING KATLA DOWN, SHINDE PUTS THE KNIFE ON KATLA'S NECK, WINDS HIS ARM BACK,
PREPARES HIMSELF AND STRIKES ).
SILENCE
(JADHAV, KHOSLA & SHINDE rise, SHINDE drops the Knife, the lights go back to normal, intense music
fades away and is replaced by radio chatter/ the voice of a man talking, JADHAV & SHINDE stare down
at KATLA who lies motionless, KHOSLA brings a bottle from the teatable on the right, all of them drink,
hug, KATLA lies motionless)

[Music- entertainment..entertainment…]

ani pilao usKo Koi.

KHOSLA: Ae KATLA tumhari tanki toh completely dry hogeyli hai. Ye lo paani peelo.

KATLA: Kya? Kya tha ye sb?

JADHAV: Arey ye sb hmare club Ka pehle din Ka part hai. Ab aap set ho gye ho.

KATLA: Aur vo Talpade?

SHINDE: Itni entertainment unse bardashat nahi huyi. Vo isi program Ke baad vapis chle gye. But re-
refunding Ki haan maine.

KHOSLA: Aapka Kya iraada hai?

KATLA: Nahi nahi mai jaata hun, Kuch jyada hi hota hai.

JADHAV: Arey KATLA sahib, ab aapka ho gya hai ab aap hmari team me ho.

KATLA: Nahi Nahi mai jaata hun. Mujhe ghar jaana hai.

SHINDE: Lagta hai patil aa gya.

JADHAV: KATLA? Fir Kya iraada hai?

KATLA: Mai rukta hun. [smirks]

aze pe aapke sir Ke upar ek speaker laga hua hai. Usse ye meri hi awaaz aa rhi hai. Darwaaza Khula hai
seedha andar aa jaiye.

PATIL: Theek hai aata hun….[thuds] Aaaaa...

KATLA: Welcome. Welcome to TAX FREE ENTERTAINMENT.

[Music plays]

LIGHTS FADE OUT