Title: Alice’s Chaotic Wonderland

Characters:
1. Alice – The curious, somewhat exasperated heroine.
2. The Mad Hatter – A mad, unpredictable fellow.
3. The March Hare – Another mad character who doesn’t quite understand social norms.
4. The Queen of Hearts – The temperamental and dramatic monarch.
5. The Knave of Hearts – The accused in the trial, calm in the face of chaos.

Scene 1: The Mad Tea Party

The scene opens in a bizarre, chaotic tea party. There’s an unreasonably large table with
mismatched teacups and saucers. The MAD HATTER and the MARCH HARE are seated,
drinking tea and engaging in nonsensical conversation. ALICE stands, looking utterly
bewildered.

Alice: (Frustrated)wait a moment?! But why are you sitting on opposite sides of the table? On
my life it’s the most inhumane design.

Alice: (Annoyed) But wouldn’t it be easier if you just sat closer together?
March Hare: (Gasps dramatically) Easier?! Easier?! If we made sense, what would even be
the point of this tea party?
Alice: (Rubbing temples) I don’t know, maybe so I don’t have to shout across the table like I’m
placing an order at a drive-thru?
Mad Hatter: (Perks up) Ooh, a drive-thru! That sounds positively mad! Do you think they serve
tea?
March Hare: (Nods) And do they make you drive through… or do they drive through you?
Alice: (Deadpan) I walked right into that one.
Mad Hatter: (Happily) Indeed! Now, more tea?
Alice: (Sighs) I’ve been drinking tea for hours!
Mad Hatter: (Eyes wide) Hours?! (Points to his watch) Time is an illusion! If I don’t keep
drinking tea, I’ll have an existential crisis!
March Hare: (Gravely) And if you stop drinking tea, your birthday might vanish forever!
Alice: (Unimpressed) Yeah, that’s not how birthdays work.
Mad Hatter: (Gasping) But what if it is? What if your birthday is actually just a government
conspiracy?
March Hare: (Nodding) Like pigeons.
Alice: (Blinking) I’m sorry, what?
Mad Hatter: Oh, you haven’t heard? Pigeons aren’t real. Just tiny spies. Probably working for
the Queen of Hearts.
Alice: (Facepalms) This is ridiculous! I can’t have a single normal conversation here!
Mad Hatter: (Winks) Of course not! Wonderland isn’t for normal. It’s for tea, nonsense, and
absolutely zero logical conclusions!
Alice: (Looking at her watch) Well, if I’m going to be late, I’d better—
March Hare: (Leaning in) Late? You’re never late when you’re mad! Stay for the Lobster
Quadrille! It’s a real showstopper!
Alice: (Suspicious) The Lobster Quadrille? That sounds… questionable.
Mad Hatter: (Grinning) Everything here is questionable! (Waves dramatically) You must dance
with lobsters to truly understand madness!
Alice: (Sighs, cracking her knuckles) You know what? Fine. Let’s just get this over with.

Alice: (Rolling her eyes) Fine. Let’s just get this over with.

Scene 2: The Lobster Quadrille

The scene transitions to a beach by the sea. A few lobsters, oddly dressed in dance
costumes, are practicing a peculiar quadrille. ALICE watches in disbelief, while the MAD
HATTER and the MARCH HARE excitedly explain the dance.

Alice: (Skeptical) What exactly is a quadrille?

The Mad Hatter: (Leaping into the air) It’s a dance! (Suddenly steps in sync with the lobsters)
First you leap, then you spin, then you— (Trips over a lobster) Oh, never mind, I lost the steps
again.

The March Hare: (Trying to dance with the lobsters, clearly confused) Lobsters make terrible
dance partners, but they have great rhythm, don’t you think?

Alice: (Eyeing the lobsters cautiously) They’re dancing… with lobsters?

The Mad Hatter: (Laughing) Yes! Why not? In Wonderland, we dance with everything—even
lobsters! (Grabs one lobster and starts spinning around) You see? It’s all about not making
sense.

Alice: (Groaning) I think I need a break from all this nonsense.

The March Hare: (Suddenly stopping) Oh, don’t be such a party pooper! It’s the most fun
you’ll have in Wonderland—unless you’re at the trial!

Alice: (Gasping) What trial?

The Mad Hatter: (Grinning) The trial of the Knave of Hearts, of course! You’ll love it. It’s the
most absurd thing in Wonderland.

Alice: (Reluctantly) I really don’t think I can take any more absurdity…

The Mad Hatter: (Grabbing her arm) Oh, you can! Wonderland’s not Wonderland without a
trial, a dance, and a bit of tea. Let’s go!

Scene 3: The Trial

The scene transitions into the chaotic courtroom. The QUEEN OF HEARTS is sitting on her
throne, furious. The KNAVE OF HEARTS is in the dock, looking surprisingly calm. The
courtroom is filled with playing cards. ALICE enters, standing in the middle of the courtroom.

The Queen of Hearts: (Shouting) Court is now in session! (Pauses dramatically) The Knave
of Hearts is accused of stealing my tarts! (Waves her scepter) Off with his head!
The Knave of Hearts: (Calmly) I didn’t steal any tarts.

Alice: (Confused) But where are the tarts? I haven’t seen any tarts.

The Queen of Hearts: (Fuming) That’s not the point! The point is, someone took them, and it
was probably him!

The Mad Hatter: (Appearing suddenly, standing up) Well, I never took the tarts. I was too busy
with the tea!

Alice: (Sarcastically) Oh, yes, the tea. That explains everything.

The March Hare: (Suddenly shouting) The lobsters didn’t take the tarts! They were too busy
with the quadrille!

The Knave of Hearts: (Nodding) Exactly! (To Alice) You see, I couldn’t have stolen the tarts,
because I was too busy being accused!

Alice: (Rubbing her temples) I’m going to need a lot of tea after this.

The Queen of Hearts: (Shouting again) Off with their heads! (Pauses) Wait… is this a trial?
What’s going on again?

The Cheshire Cat: (Appearing with his usual grin) Oh, don’t worry, Your Majesty. This is just
Wonderland—no one really knows what’s going on.

Alice: (Looking around) So… this is all just a game? A ridiculous, nonsensical game?

The Queen of Hearts: (Grumbling) Fine, fine. Let’s call it a draw. (Pauses) Everyone who’s
been accused gets to go free… for today. But tomorrow, off with their heads!

Alice: (Looking exhausted) That’s not how justice works! There’s no reason to it!

The Cheshire Cat: (Grinning wider) In Wonderland, Alice, reason is just another funny thing to
laugh at.

Alice: (Sighing) I’m done. I’ve had enough of Wonderland’s trials, tea, and lobsters. I’m going
home.

The Mad Hatter: (Waving) Don’t go, Alice! Wonderland will miss you!

Alice: (Shaking her head) If I never see another mad tea party or lobster dance, I’ll be just
fine.

End Scene.

This script incorporates the Mad Tea Party, the Lobster Quadrille, and the Trial, while keeping
the absurdity and humor intact. Alice’s frustration with the madness around her adds to the
humor, and the chaotic logic of Wonderland continues throughout the scenes.