EVANGELISTIC AND REVIVAL MINISTRIES INTERNATIONAL
(EVAREMI)
FOUNDATIONS OF CHRISTIAN
MARRIAGE
A report submitted to the pre-marital counseling department of
the Evangelistic and Revival Ministries International (EVAREMI),
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the award of a pre-
marital counseling clearance certificate.
BY
NGU DIVINE AND TIKUM ATUH BERENICE
Module Instructor: Dr. Emmanuel Oumarou
September 2024
Table of Content
Table of content …………………………………………………………………………………………………. i
Introduction
Biblical understanding of marriage and family
Marriage, God’s idea
Differences between marriage in the garden and marriage out of the garden
The Excellency of marriage
The cardinal role of love in marriage
The roleless nature of a marriage relationship
Important ingredients of a lasting marriage
Conclusion
References
Introduction
The quality and durability of anything depends largely on its foundation. However,
realistically, the solidity and structure of a foundation don’t always guarantee a
perfect finish. In this strength, an adequate understanding of the nature, structure
and the design of a good foundation is also a necessary ingredient for a perfect
finish. Therefore, it can be said that, the failure of anything can be attributed to
either a faulty foundation or a bad builder. This report seeks to address the
foundation of Christian marriage as a solution to the prevalent assault on the
institution of marriage in our societies. We live at a time when we are surrounded
by countless voices uttering different attitudes and philosophies about marriage.
Some sources include books, magazines, movies, television soap operas, sitcoms,
and prime-time dramas.1 When confronted with an opposing view on marriage and
divorce, Jesus Christ said “Have you not read that He who made them at the
beginning made them male and female... Moses, because of the hardness of your
hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” 2.
This is the same as saying that the cure to the present crisis can only be found by
returning to the drawing board. When it comes to marriage, the problem is not with
the foundation. Rather, it is with the departure from the foundation. Marriage is the
deepest and most intimate of all human relationships, yet even it is under assault.
According to Andreas J. köstenberger, “only a return to the biblical foundation of
these God-given institutions will reverse the decline of marriage and the family in
our culture today”3.
Biblical Understanding of Marriage and Family
The Bible defines “family” in a narrow sense as the union of one man and one
woman in matrimony which is normally blessed with one or several natural or
adopted children. In the book of Genesis, we read that God in the beginning
created first a man (Adam) to exercise dominion over his creation and
subsequently a woman (Eve) as the man’s “suitable helper” (Genesis 2:18, 20).
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 ESV).
1
Myles Munroe, “The purpose and power of love and marriage”, (2002), 13.
2
New King James version, Matthew 19:4,8.
3
Andreas J. köstenberger, “The Bible’s teaching on Marriage and Family”, 4.
This verse sets forth the biblical pattern as it was instituted by God at the
beginning: one man is united to one woman in matrimony, and the two form one
new natural family4. Scripture teaches that family was God’s idea and that mar-
riage is a divine, not merely human, institution. The implication of this truth is
significant indeed, for this means that humans are not free to renegotiate or
redefine marriage and the family in any way they choose but that they are called to
preserve and respect what has been divinely instituted.
Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by
and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual
intercourse. God’s plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the following
five vital principles:
Marriage is intended to be permanent, since it was established by God (Matthew
19:6; Mark 10:9).
Marriage is sacred in that, it is a relationship before and under God (Genesis 2:22).
Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a
woman in a “one-flesh” union (Genesis 2:23–25).
Marriage is exclusive in that no other human relationship must interfere with the
marriage commitment between husband and wife (Genesis 2:22–25; 1 Corinthians
7:2–5).
Marriage, God’s idea
Nothing is more appealing than explaining that marriage is God’s idea. And if it is
God’s idea, then it is a good idea. At a time when people are skeptical about
marriage, it is important to set the tables right. Why then is it God’s idea?
Firstly, God created marriage. The second chapter of Genesis describes how God,
taking a rib from the side of the man He had already created, fashioned from it a
woman to be a “suitable helper” (Gen. 2:20) for the man. Then God brought the
man and the woman together and confirmed their relationship as husband and wife,
thereby ordaining the institution of marriage.
Secondly, God designed marriage. God’s design for marriage is found in the very
next verse: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to
his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
4
Andreas J. köstenberger 2011, 4.
Lastly, God established marriage. Since God is the one who instituted marriage, He
alone has the authority to determine its standards and set its rules. He alone has the
authority to do away with it. This He will not do, for the Scriptures are clear:
Marriage is a God-ordained institution that involves the joining of a man and a
woman as “one flesh” in a lifelong relationship. This institution will last as long as
human life lasts on earth. Only in the life to come will marriage be dispensed with.
Differences between marriage in the garden and marriage out of the garden
Marriage in the garden refers to God’s marriage while marriage out of the garden
refers to the opposite. Inside the garden Adam and Eve enjoy mutual love, respect,
and equality while outside the garden they make excuses, blame each other, and lie
to God about each other.
Inside the garden they share the same spirit, the Spirit of God while outside the
garden that Spirit has departed and they are like strangers to each other.
Inside the garden they are united in spirit and in flesh while outside the garden all
they have is flesh.
The Excellency of marriage
Here, we intend to specify why marriage is still an excellent idea in spite of the
daily realities in our societies. The following points can be advanced;
Marriage is God’s will
Through marriage, we express God’s love to the other person
A medium of expressing personal love for the other person
To fulfill sexual needs and desires in a godly way
The desire to begin a family
Companionship
To share all things together with the other person
To work together to fulfill each other’s needs
To maximize each person’s potential
Enhancement of spiritual growth
The cardinal role of love in marriage
Here, we intend to point to the truth that only love can sustain a marriage. Nothing
else can. Not money, beauty, etc. What foundation will stand the test of time as
well as the storms of adversity? The only sure foundation for a lifelong marriage is
agape, the self-giving love that has its source and origin in God alone. Only that
which derives from God Himself will last; everything else is transitory. Writing to
the community of believers in Corinth, Paul had this to say about the lasting
quality of agape:
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are
tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the
imperfect disappears…And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the
greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:8-10, 13). The following can be
extracted from above.
1. Agape is patient.
2. Agape is kind.
3. Agape does not envy.
4. Agape does not boast.
5. Agape is not proud.
6. Agape is not rude.
7. Agape is not self-seeking.
8. Agape is not easily angered.
9. Agape keeps no record of wrongs.
10. Agape does not delight in evil.
11. Agape rejoices with the truth.
12. Agape always protects.
13. Agape always trusts.
14. Agape always hopes.
15. Agape always perseveres.
16. Agape never fails.
The roleless nature of a marriage relationship
At the most basic level, a husband and wife should relate to each other through
mutual love and submission rather than through a set of predefined roles, no matter
what their source. Marital love is supposed to be like the love that Jesus has for His
Church: unconditional, sacrificial, and without expectations or guarantees. Fixed
roles create expectations, and expectations imply guarantees. A relationship
without fixed roles does mean that each partner will respond according to need,
ability, and opportunity. A role is a temporary responsibility that is based on the
ability of the one who responds. As such, roles can change from one day to the
next, from one minute to the next, and from one person to the other depending on
the need of the moment. What needs to be done? Who can do it the best? Who is in
the best position to do it right now? It is a matter of need, ability, and opportunity.
That’s why it would probably be better to refer to marital tasks as responsibilities
rather than roles. Whatever the need, whoever is able and available at the time is
responsible.
Relating without fixed roles is a natural outgrowth of a marriage based on agape
and in which the husband and wife truly are equal partners. Husbands and wives
who approach their marriage from a roleless perspective assume full ownership of
every aspect of their life together. There are no “his” and “her” roles, only “our”
responsibilities. Who does what, and when, depends on the specific circumstances.
Each couple should arrive at a mutual agreement as to which of them has the
primary responsibility for each task or need, understanding as well that ultimately
they share all responsibilities together. Assignment of marital responsibilities may
depend on each person’s training, abilities, or temperament. Who should prepare
the meals (primarily)? Whoever is the best cook. Who should manage the family
finances (primarily)? Whoever has the best head for figures and bookkeeping. Who
should do the house cleaning? Whoever lives in the house? Who should wash the
dishes? Whoever dirties them? Who should make the bed? Whoever sleeps in it.
Who should mow the lawn? Whoever has the time and the opportunity?
Important ingredients of a lasting marriage
For a marriage to be successful, the following ingredients should be present in
increasing measures. These are;
• Love
• Truth
• Trust
• Commitment
• Respect
• Submission
• Knowledge
• Faithfulness
• Patience
• Financial stability
Conclusion
Marriage and the family were God’s idea, and as divine institutions they are not
open to human renegotiation or revision. As we have seen, the Bible clearly
teaches that God instituted marriage as a covenant between one man and one
woman, a lifelong union of two partners created in God’s image to govern and
manage the earth for him. In keeping with his wonderful design, the Creator will
normally bless a married couple with children, and it is his good plan that a family
made up of a father, a mother, and several children witness to his glory and
goodness in a world that has rejected the Creator’s plan and has fashioned a variety
of God-substitutes to fill the void that can properly be filled only by God himself.
References
1. Andreas J. köstenberger 2011. The Bible’s teaching on Marriage and Family
2. Myles Munroe, 2002. The purpose and power of love and marriage. Destiny
image.
