A young grandson asked his grandfather how old he was,and the grandpa teasingly

replied,Well,I'm not exactly sure how old I am..the little boy advised,You have to
look in your underwear,Grandpa..mine says I'm 4 to 6.

After 45 years at the company, the boss walked into the office on his last day of
work, not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His long-time
assistant walked up to him and said, �This morning when you left your house, did
you close your garage door?�
The boss said he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office
puzzled by the question. Later, as he checked himself in the office mirror before
his final lunch in the company cafeteria, he noticed his fly was open, so he zipped
it up. Then he understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out, paused by her desk, smiled, and asked, �When my garage door was
open, did you see my stretch limo parked in there?�
No,she said,I didn't,All I saw was a rusty Olds with two flat tires...

A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up
the frog and the frogs says, �If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess
and be yours for a week.� The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog
screams, �Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love
to you for a whole month.� The old man looks at the frog and says, �At my age I�d
rather have a talking frog.

It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks
his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The
first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this
for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine,
but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together."
The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend
or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're
all at the funeral.

A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing
about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is
for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone,
the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San
Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his
daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs
to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the
window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We
have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie
Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes
Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the
saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat,
Ken's furniture...

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve
made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child
then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were
monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his
father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking
about her side of the family.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby
that I've ever seen....Ugh,The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down,
fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says,
"You go right up there and tell him off � go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell
phone and in a worried voice says,Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio
that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280.........Herman says,I
know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds

NEW JOKE...
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a
happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my
colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary
said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After
lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if
I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later
with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all
yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a
policeman who said,Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the
zoo.......The next day,the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his
shoulder again,when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said,Hey there, I
thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered,I did! Today
I'm taking him to the cinema.

after 45 years at the company the boss walked into the office on his last day of
work not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open his long time
assistant walked up to him and said this morning when you left your house did you
close your garage door the boss said he knew he had closed the garage door and
walked into his office puzzled by the question later as he checked himself in the
office mirror before his final lunch in the company cafeteria he noticed his fly
was open so he zipped it up then he understood his assistant is question about his
garage door he headed out paused by her desk smiled and asked when my garage door
was open did you see my stretch limo parked in there no she said i did not all I
saw was a rusty Olds with two flat tires