1O.

HUMAN RELATIONS
The word relationship could be defined as the way in which two people or two
groups behave towards each other. Human relations are relations among people of
different age, sex, social status. How we behave in various situations among various
people is determined by the social norms, ethics (moral rules and principles of
behaviour for deciding what is right or wrong).

FAMILY – The members of a family are in the closest relationship with one another.
A man usually shows his truest self in the family, where he can be as honest and as
straightforward (honest about your feelings or opinions, not hiding anything) as
nowhere else in the world. He does not have to hide his negative qualities there,
because he is loved by his family, and this love serves as a kind of protection, and this
way he can’t be easily hurt. We can talk about 4 basic types of love in a family:
a/ love of parents for their children
b/ love of children for their parents
c/ love between father and mother
d/ love between siblings

Parents and children – the usual (and normal) relationship between parents and
children can be characterized by the following: Parents love and protect their children,
prepare them for their lives, enable them to go to school and learn as much as
possible. The parents are older and more experienced than their children, and because
of all these things they expect their children to be obedient and to respect them. So we
can say, this relationship is not a partnership, parents are superior to children.
Children are willing to accept this fact until a certain age, but in their adolescence (or
in the pre-adolescent stage) children start to have their own opinions, and they fight
for their own opinions, that’s why there are many conflicts between parents and
children. In a normal, healthy family these conflicts are inevitable, they can
sometimes even be useful.
Characterize your relationship with your parents. What was it like when you were a
child? How did it change as you were growing older? Are there any conflicts between
you and your parents? What are the conflicts mainly about?

Brothers and sisters – It is not unusual that the older child thinks that the parents allow
more things to the younger child, that the younger is the “favourite” of the parents,
and this can cause problems between the siblings. On the other hand, the younger
child often feels: “Why can’t I do this, when my older brother/sister can?” “Why am I
not allowed to do things my brother/sister is allowed to do?” Younger children often
have to wear clothes of their older brothers/sisters, and many of them don’t like it.
That is why the younger child thinks life (and his parents) are unfair. Psychologists
say that the middle children - who are often called “sandwich children” (who have an
older and a younger sibling) - are in the worst situation of them all. The most
attention is paid to the oldest child, because whatever happens to him, it is for the first
time the parents have to deal with such a situation, and it is new for them. The third
child again needs a lot of attention, because he is the smallest, and is not independent
enough. That’s why there is not much time for the middle child, we can say “he raises
himself”.
Do you have brothers and sisters? What is your relationship with them like? Do you
get on well with your siblings? What are your conflicts about?
(If you are an only child: Do you think it would be better to have a brother or a sister,
or not? What is it like to be an only child for you? What are its advantages and
disadvantages?

Grandparents - they have a great advantage over parents – they do not have to raise
or educate grandchildren, they can just spoil them.
Describe your relationship with your grandparents

Other family members (uncle, aunt, cousins…) – the relationships are not as close as
those in the immediate family, however, this doesn´t always have to be true.

AT WORK the relationships depend mainly on the post of the employees, it means
that the head of a department is in a superior position to the employees. (We can say
that the post dominates here in Slovakia). People at work are “equal” with each other
if they occupy the same post. At work, people are usually strangers to each other
(meaning they are not relatives or friends), we say they are colleagues. To have a
good relationship with one’s colleagues means that people are polite, pleasant, nice,
helpful and friendly to each other, but at the same time they keep a certain distance.
The most important thing is to create a pleasant atmosphere where people can work
efficiently. Good relationships at work often develop into friendships, although
mostly among equal partners (people occupying the same post). It is often an
unwritten rule at work that “the boss is always right”, especially if he is the owner of
the company as well, and this can lead to some conflicts.

SCHOOL – We can examine the relationships at school from various aspects:

- among the students (classmates)
- among students of different classes (older and younger students)
- student – teacher relationships

1. Among classmates – We can say these relationships are open and friendly, the
students are equal to one another. It is a very rare case when the collective is
uniform, the students are similar to each other. Usually they form a number of
smaller groups. These groups are formed according to their interests and
according to the personal qualities of the students, but the members of a certain
group don’t always meet after school. There are some rare cases when these
groups even fight against one another. During the school year there are some
activities that help the students to get closer to one another, to make their
collective better, e.g. skiing trips, class trips, dancing course, prom.
Describe your class collective. Do you have friends in your class? Is your class
formed by different smaller groups? How do these groups interact with one
another?
2. Among students of different classes – Usually they are not very close
relationships.
Describe the relationship among younger and older students at your school. Do
you have younger friends? Did you have older friends when you were younger?
3. Student – teacher relationships – As the students, the teachers are different too, so
the student-teacher relationships are various as well. These relationships should be
 open and honest, and it is good, if the student accepts the teacher as an older
person, who could give him advice if there are some problems. Students have a
different relationship with each teacher, just as teachers have a different
relationship with each class.
How could you describe your relationship with your teachers? Do you have a
close relationship with your class teacher? Do you think the student – teacher
relationships are the way they should be? What could be done to make these
relationships better?

NEIGHBOURS – The ideal relationship among neighbours should be friendly. It is

very good if we can turn to our neighbours for help when there is a problem at home,
in the household, and they can count on us as well. If this relationship is not good, it
can poison life in the neighbourhood.

B LOVE, FRIENDSHIP

LOVE
There are different kinds of love. People can love other people, things and ideas, e.g.
People: mother’s love (maternal love), love of a child for his parents, love between
siblings, love for friends, love for a man/woman
Things: love for money, love for nature, love for animals, love for books, love for
sport, love for art, love for computers…
Ideas: love for god/ religion, love for languages, love for music, love for maths, love
for ethics, love for philosophies…

People
Maternal love – It is very important, it cannot be substituted by anything else in life.
This type of love is unconditional, and it forms one’s character and educates as well.
Love of children for their parents – is what children feel when they think of their
parents, this helps children to accept the principles and rules of parents, this type of
love is also unconditional.
Love for friends – beside the family a man needs some other people around himself.
Those people, who are the most similar to him, who share his social norms become
his friends.
Love for a man/woman – this is a sum of all these above mentioned types of love,
plus there is a sexual attraction, which is absent from the others.

Things
Love for money – many people feel an unnatural attraction towards money, especially
nowadays. This is a negative phenomenon and it can be very dangerous too. When
people love money, they want to have more and more of it, and can become obsessed
by it. Love for money should never be placed over other values.
Love for nature – This should be natural because we all are a part of nature. We need
water, soil, air, sun for our lives, and this is why we should protect our nature.
Love for animals – It is a very nice thing, but we should be careful not to love
animals more than we love people. For people other people should be more important
than animals, we need people more than animals. (It is not even natural to love
animals more than people. It is like that in the animal world too)
Love for books – it is very important because by reading people become more
educated, they have a wider intellectual horizon, develop their creativity, fantasy.
Love for sport - is also very important because we need sports for a healthy lifestyle,
to keep fit

Ideas
Love for god/religion – Different religions explain the identity of god in different
ways, so people’s love for god depends on the basis of the religion.
e.g. - the Catholic religion tells people to love their fellow beings ( when somebody
throws a stone at you, throw it back with a piece of bread)
- the Protestant religion tells people to love those who deserve it, or who love them
Also, people can find comfort, consolation in religion, in turning to god when they are
sad, when they have problems, trouble.
Love for some ideas – it is very good if there are certain ideas or philosophies we
believe in, and we can live our life according to it. But it shouldn’t be taken into
extremes, they should not harm our relationships or should not damage other aspects
of life.
This is true for all these different kinds of love, none of them should harm the life or
the relationships of a person.

LOVE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

As we have said it before, love between a man and a woman is a sum of all kinds of
love among people, but there is something more to it, and that is sexual attraction.
How can you notice that somebody is in love? (butterflies in the stomach, blushing,
daydreaming)
How important are looks? e.g. Can a very scruffy person be loved?
What would you forgive your partner in a relationship? (one-night stand, cheating on
you, dating somebody else)
What wouldn’t you forgive your partner?
What is the ideal age difference in a relationship? What do you think if there is a 20-
year-old woman who has a husband of 70? Is it true love?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Do you believe in love that lasts till “death do us part”?
How important is love? Can people live without love? If yes, how long?
What do you think of Catholic priests and nuns? Do you think it is natural to live like
that?
How often should people in love meet each other?
Should people get married or should they just live together? Or should they move in
together first and then get married?
You get to know a person only then, after you’d eaten a sack of salt with him.
(Russian saying) What is your opinion of this proverb?
Should the people in the relationship have separate programmes as well?
What is the basis of a good relationship?
- absolute freedom
- trust
- tolerance
When there are no rules in a relationship, when people fully love and trust each other
and give each other freedom, and learn to tolerate the negative things, then we can
talk about a really good relationship. When we put no restrictions on our partner, then
he won’t feel the need to leave.
What would you tolerate on your partner?
What wouldn’t you tolerate on your partner?
What types of love can you distinguish?
- man and woman (heterosexual love)
- man and man (homosexual love) - gay, queer (inf. quite offensive), fag (AmE,
offensive)
- woman and woman (lesbian love)
- transsexual love – a transsexual person is someone who wants to be or look like a
member of the opposite sex, especially by having a medical operation

FRIENDSHIP
Why is it important to have a friend?
How long can friendship between two people exist?
Does friendship depend on time and place? (Is it important how often you meet?)
How often should friends meet?
Is there a real friendship between a man and a woman? Or will it change into love?
Is the friendship of girls different from the friendship of boys? If yes, in what?
What is the difference between a close friend and a buddy?
What do I expect from my real friend?
What can you tolerate on your friend?
What can’t you tolerate on your friend?
Is it possible to forgive a friend if he deceived you? Can you forgive your friend in
such cases?
Is it a sign of friendship when your friend gives you his homework so you can copy it
or when he “helps you” while you are being examined? Or is it only a false
friendship, because a real friend would give real help?
What is the ideal age difference between friends?
When is the age difference of greater importance? In childhood or in adulthood?
Can your mother/father be your friend? Are parents and children equal?
Is it true that friendship is based on equality?
How do you choose your friend? Does it depend on what type of music, types of
clothes, books, etc. he likes, or will you choose someone who is exactly the opposite
of you?

Which holidays can you celebrate with your friends and loved ones?

January 1st New Year’s Eve

Easter anniversaries
birthdays weddings
namedays the birth of your children
Christmas graduations
C SOCIAL PROBLEMS

The disabled (physically and mentally)

We can say that our society is quite immature to handle the disabled people.
E.g. there are many places, which are not accessible for handicapped people (people
using wheelchairs), many parking lots do not have a set place for the handicapped.
We can say they are not an integral part of our society, it is as if they lived in a
different world, they are not present at schools, and we can rarely see handicapped
people in the streets as well.
When a handicapped person meets a healthy person, here, in our society he is
not seen as a normal being, but as something different, something not usual, not
conventional. His handicap makes us feel sorry for him, and somehow we feel
insecure and embarrassed. And that can also be seen on our behaviour. We do not
realize, that a handicapped person is really just like every one of us, only he is not
capable of a skill, e.g. walking. It might be similar to when we can’t sing, just his
handicap is a result of an accident or an illness. The best we can do is to accept them
as they are, and we help them the most only then, when we don’t take them as
handicapped people but accept the fact that they are disabled.
It is the children who are the cruelest in this case. There are hardly any adults who
would make fun of somebody who is disabled. But children make fun of those who
are a bit different from what they are used to, and that is because these disabled
people are not around us.
To sum it up, the interpersonal relationships among the healthy and the
handicapped are not so good, because the basis of it is a feeling of having pity on
disabled people (in adulthood) and mockery (in childhood).

The addicted

A person can be addicted to many things, e.g. drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling
machines, computers, computer games, the internet, chocolate, coffee, shopping,
dieting…
Are addictions harmful?
A/ There are some dependencies which are not harmful at the beginning, they do not
damage our health. Such dependencies are e.g. being addicted to coffee, chocolate,
shopping… They are not dangerous, if we do not cross a certain line. But even if we
do, they are not as harmful as the second group of dependencies.
B/ The second group of dependencies is formed by those, which are very dangerous
from the very beginning, and they are being addicted to drugs, cigarettes, gambling…

The relationship between the addicted and those who are not addicted can also be
divided into some groups. There are some dependencies which are socially accepted,
e.g. smoking is socially accepted, or even drinking alcohol (if one must have a glass
of wine every day, then he is addicted, but the society does not condemn him).

Drugs
Can you imagine a situation when somebody tries out some drugs? (not out of
curiosity)
Can you understand such a person, if there is no way out?
Can you imagine having a friend who is a drug addict?
How can you help somebody who is addicted to drugs?

The homeless

People usually try to avoid them because they think that the homeless got into
that situation from their own fault. In some larger cities the homeless form larger
groups, and many people are afraid of them, because there are many of them at
subways, railway stations.
It is often the fault of a homeless person that he does not have a proper life,
job, home, and if they have a little money, they spend it on alcohol. But there are
surely some cases when people get into some hopeless situations and thus become
homeless.
People, in general, don’t deal much with this situation, that is why they don’t
know much about it.

D. NEGATIVE PHENOMENA ( aggressiveness, vandalism, egoism,

indifference, unwillingness to communicate )

Aggressiveness, vandalism, egoism, indifference, unwillingness to communicate

belong among the most frequent phenomena within human relations.

aggressiveness - is incapability to master negative feelings and exaggeratedly react

to the reactions of a partner
We can react aggressively in a verbal way (arguments), nonverbal way (fights), or
with physical violence not only towards a person but also towards an object.
The most common phenomena producing aggressiveness in Slovakia are:
1. superiority complex – which is a condition of the mind in which someone
believes that he is much better, more important, clever etc. than other people.
2. alcohol – which causes that a person cannot take control of himself; a person
cannot think clearly

In general, men are more aggressive than women, which rises from physical
supremacy (nadradenosť) of power.
We can meet aggressiveness not only in families (towards women and children), but
also among young people. There are gangs representing a certain philosophy which is
pushed through in an organized way. For example, one such a gang is one of
skinheads.
Those young people who are aggressive, but they are not members of any gang, are
called hooligans. They are usually noisy rough persons who cause trouble by fighting,
breaking things etc. They think they show their power and strength if they damage a
statue in town, or if they are violent and noisy at football matches.
In conclusion we can say that aggressiveness is typical for weak persons and cowards,
suffering from inferiority complex. It is the only way for them to push their points
through (presadiť sa).
How much evil can aggressiveness cause? – disintegration of a family (rozpad
rodiny), deformation of a character, self-esteem (sebahodnotenie) of a child.
Organized gangs can change into chauvinist and nationalistic groups, organizations.
Also in the classroom, a small group of aggressive students can start bullying their
weaker classmates. This can lead to the fact that weaker students leave school or even
commit a suicide.

vandalism – is a consequence of aggressiveness

- it is an intentional and needless damage or destruction, especially of public
buildings and other public property. It is the way of releasing negative feelings.
We can say that a vandal is an ill person who does not think about his actions. It is
not important for him what kind of a thing he is destroying or even of what value.
- a worse form of vandalism is when a person starts destroying something just
because he loves doing it; and this action brings great joy to him.

In spite of the fact that vandalism is a very negative phenomenon, it is more

acceptable than aggressiveness where living beings are hurt.

egoism – is the quality of always thinking about oneself and about what will be best
for oneself; it is the belief that people´s moral behaviour should be based on what is
most advantageous to themselves.
An egoist first of all loves himself, then the others; and he prefers himself both in his
mental and physical needs.
An example of a mental need is: I have a big problem and I want to talk to you, but
you watch your favourite soap opera, so you refuse me because of that.
An example of a physical need is: There three pieces of cheese on the plate, but you
will eat two of them because you like cheese very much, although you know I am
hungry.
The worst form of egoism is narcissism which is too great love for one´s own abilities
or physical appearance.

Consequences of egoism:
The others feel lack of love resp. lack of interest from the part of an egoist. Everybody
needs to be loved. It is not possible to live without it. If somebody does not feel to be
loved, he/she will start to fight for it. This fight will last only a certain period of time,
and after being stopped all the time by egoism from the part of a partner, the other
partner will give up and stop looking for the partner´s company. This way the
relationship will break and ultimately finish. So the human relations will be destroyed.

indifference – is the quality of not being interested in problems, not caring about pain
of the others from one´s surroundings.
Sometimes it can be a characteristic feature of a person; and in that case it is
something like an emotional defect – that means, the person has experienced the
feeling when somebody was indifferent to him/her. And afterwards he/she became
indifferent too. We can say that a person can be born like an egoist but he/she cannot
be born like an indifferent being.
An indifferent person has only a few people around himself/herself who are willing to
help him/her. This person has a few friends, a few people who love him/her, and
finally suffers from lack of love.
Another form of indifference is pathological indifference – which is unnatural, evoked
by some negative experience or experiences. In this case a person suffers from apathy
(which is unwillingness or inability to take an active interest about something or
everything) because of some disappointment. Apathy should be treated by a specialist.
unwillingness to communicate – appears when partners, friends, a parent and a child
do not communicate
It is a big problem, because when a partner does not communicate with the other one,
the other one is not able to guess what the reason of the partner´s bad mood is. Then
he/she tries to find it out putting himself/herself questions like: Why doesn´t he (she)
want to communicate with me? Is he (she) angry? Why? What have I done? Have
I hurt him (her)? When? How? Or has he (she) heard any gossips about me? etc.
- But many times the reason may be very simple – a partner is just tired and doesn´t
feel like talking to anybody.
But this can lead to misunderstandings which wouldn´t have to be if partners
communicated.
And what is the most important we shouldn´t forget the fact that thinking of a man is
sometimes totally different from the one of a woman.

E. POSSIBILITIES OF SOLVING PROBLEMS

Social problems should be solved by politicians, because they are connected with
economical problems.
As for the other problems, we should start from the very young age of a child, from
the childhood. We should give a child as much love as possible, all the best
concerning his social background, education, psychological and physical needs. We
should teach him to respect not only us – I mean parents, but also other people,
animals, plants, work of the others, etc. so that when he grows up he will prefer the
things he got in his childhood.

The example of misunderstanding that happened because of unwillingness to

communicate:

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her

out to a movie; she accepts and they have a pretty good time. A few
nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one
of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening while they're
driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking,
she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight,
we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
silence. She thinks to herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said
that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he
thinks I'm trying to push him
into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way
we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we
heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together?
Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this
person?
And Roger is thinking... so that means it was... let's see... February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way
overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed --
even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet
that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say
anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
stinking garbage truck, and I paid those
incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is
thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come
riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly
good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about,
a person who seems to truly care about me. A person
who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
worthless warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to
brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so... so..."
(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he
thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says.
Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel
that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place,
he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes
deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two
Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of
his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the
car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand
what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is
also Roger's policy
regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything
he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word,
expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every
possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and
on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions,
but
never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual

friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:
"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"