1.

They played soccer

Original: As the sun shined directly above Jason, beads of sweat appeared on his bare neck. He
kicked the ball to his sister Liz, catching his breath. Occasionally, they kicked the ball towards the
benches and raced towards there getting the ball and taking a short water break.

Revised: The sun blazed down mercilessly on Jason, and tiny beads of sweat trickled down his
exposed neck. With a swift motion, he kicked the soccer ball towards his sister Liz, his chest heaving
as he gasped for breath. Every now and then, they'd send the ball hurtling towards the benches. Then,
like sprinters, they'd dash over, grab the ball, and pause briefly for a quick sip of water, their faces
flushed from the exertion.

2. She watched a movie

Original: With her eyes glued to the screen, Stephanie reached inside her bucket of popcorn, pulled
out a handful and ate some. As she heard different voices from the speaker, she became more intense
as she watched the movie. She was either shouting in triumph for the main character's success or
moaning in despair for the main character's loss.

Revised: Stephanie's eyes were locked onto the screen, as if she was spellbound. She dipped her
hand into the large bucket of popcorn, grabbed a generous handful, and popped the kernels into her
mouth, munching absent - mindedly. As the voices from the speakers filled the room, her expression
grew more animated. When the main character triumphed, she'd whoop with joy, her eyes shining
brightly. But when the character faced defeat, she'd let out a groan of despair, her shoulders slumping
slightly.
3. He studied for the test

Original: His brows furrowed in concentration. Ryan stared down at his Chinese textbook, envying his
friends who were playing soccer at the field. He occasionally walked around the house, taking a break.
He felt frustrated that he had left studying to the last minute.

Revised: Ryan's brows were tightly knit in concentration as he glared down at his Chinese textbook.
Outside the window, he could see his friends frolicking on the soccer field, and a pang of envy shot
through him. Every so often, he'd push his chair back, stand up, and pace around the house, trying to
shake off the restlessness. A wave of frustration washed over him as he berated himself for leaving his
studying until the eleventh hour.

4. We had a picnic

Original: The smell of the fresh grass overwhelmed me as I sat down to have a picnic with my friends.
I took a bite of my sandwich, enjoying the pleasant murmur of the wind. A dog, Jack, bounded up to me
, gently nudging me with his wet nose.

Revised: As I settled down on the soft grass for a picnic with my friends, the sweet, earthy aroma of
the freshly - cut grass filled my nostrils. I took a big bite of my sandwich, savoring the flavors as the
gentle wind whispered through the trees, creating a soothing melody. Just then, Jack, a lively dog,
came bounding over. With a wagging tail, he gently nuzzled my arm with his cold, wet nose, his eyes
full of playfulness.

5. The cat chased the butterfly

Original: The cat pranced around, nose in the air, gazing hungrily at the butterfly, as if hoping to
devour it in one gulp. Their chase brought them to the garden, with the cat jumping up and falling down
, yowling in pain. Nevertheless, the cat continued until the mischievous butterfly flew across the fence.

Revised: The cat strutted around, its nose held high in the air, its eyes fixed hungrily on the butterfly
fluttering before it. It was as if the cat was imagining gobbling up the butterfly in one swift bite. The
chase led them into the garden, where the cat leaped into the air again and again, only to land clumsily
on the ground. Each time it fell, it let out a pitiful yowl of pain. But undeterred, the cat kept at it, its
determination unwavering, until the wily butterfly flitted over the fence, out of reach.

series of actions -number of

 adjectives/ adverbs - describe noun/verb/adjective 5 sense:
action /movement sight, smell
facial expression touch, hearing
body gestures taste
emotion/feeling
environment roll down/
tiny/massive/salty trickled
blazed down mercilessly
exposed heavily
with a swift motion,
sliver
benches
then like spirnters, they would dash over and grab the ball, and pause
,coughing and panting briefly for a quick sip of
as he gasped for breath water
dipped her hand
concentrated on /engrossdarted/locked intothe large bucket

grabbed a generous and popped the kernels into her mouth, munching
delicious popcorm/munching absent -mindedly

laughters are filled inside of the cinema, distracting the audience...

in the dark cinema, the air was thick and filled with sweet/buttery/creamy
aroma of popcorn.
Ryan's tightly in
as best
strolled

Restlessly,he push back the chair and paced around the room,
running his fingers through his hair angrily/in frustration.
Every now and then, he would stop by the window, peering
out longingly.
The seats were cushioned and arranged in neat rows, however, these seats
were scorching from the audience as then movie began. Soft whispers
and the rustling of snack bags filled the background as the trailers played.
He was in a disorganised room....