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4 Ds of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a two-part process.
Intrapersonally, it involves an emotional transformation characterized by a release of resentment, hurt,
anger, and other negative emotions associated with a perceived transgression.
Interpersonally, forgiveness can involve empathizing with the wrongdoer and treating them with more
compassion.
It is not always necessary to forget the perceived wrong or interact with the person you choose to hold
responsible.
This worksheet introduces 4 Ds of Forgiveness to help you work through your negative emotions and
journey through the forgiveness process. These are:
■ Deep-Diving: Gaining more insight into the wrong and its current impact on you
■ Deciding: Reflecting on what forgiveness means to you and making an empowered decision to
forgive, or not.
■ Doing: Empathizing with the wrongdoer and attempting to understand their actions to come to
terms with your feelings.
■ Deepening: Finding growth opportunities and meaning in what has occurred.
Write your answers in the boxes provided, taking time to consider each question carefully and reflect on
your feelings.
Deep-Diving
Write about the wrong that you’ve suffered. What took place, and why do you feel it was unjust? What
impacts has it had on you?
■ What emotions has it brought up?
■ How has it affected your behavior?
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■ Have there been any financial, physical, or other practical impacts?
■ What thoughts or mental processes has it affected?
Deciding
Reflecting on forgiveness as a concept puts you in a more empowered position - with all the facts and
feelings in hand, you can decide whether forgiveness is something you want to commit to.
With this in mind, what does forgiveness mean to you? How would you define it?
Committing to your forgiveness decision means weighing up all your options before making a choice.
What are the benefits of choosing to forgive the wrongdoer? What are the downsides? Be as precise as
you can, considering all the potential impacts of each.
Deepening
Releasing past hurts is one benefit of forgiveness; it is also possible to grow stronger and learn from the
experience. In what ways have you grown by forgiving the transgressor?
■ How has the decision to forgive benefitted you emotionally?
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■ Has your behavior changed in any positive ways?
■ Have there been any physical, financial, or practical benefits?
■ How has forgiveness impacted your mental state; your thoughts or mindset?
