OUR FAULT

PROLOGUE

I kept wondering why, if Nick and I had broken up over a year ago, I was crying now as if we were really over. At one point I had to pull off the road, I had to turn off the engine and hug the wheel to sob without the risk of colliding with someone. I cried for what we had been, I cried for what we could have become... I cried for him, for having managed to disappoint him, for having
broken his heart, for getting him to open up to love just to show him that love didn't exist, at least not without pain, and that pain was capable of marking you for life. I cried for that Noah, that Noah who had been with him: that Noah full of life, that Noah who, despite her inner demons, had known how to love him with all his heart; I knew how to love him more than he would love
anyone and that too was something to cry about. When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, there is no turning back. Many never get to know that feeling, they think they have found it, but they are wrong. I knew, I know, that Nick was the love of my life, the man I wanted as the father of my children, the man I wanted to have by my side through thick
and thin, in sickness and in health until the death of him. Death forced us to part. Nick was him, he was my half, and it was time to learn to live without her.

CHAPTER 1 NOAH

Ten months later... The noise from the airport was deafening, people came and went agitated, dragging suitcases, dragging children, dragging carts. I stared at the screen above my head, searching for the name of my next destination and the exact time I should board. I didn't really like going there alone, I had never liked airplanes, but I didn't have many other options: now I was
alone, just me, and no one else. I checked my watch and looked at the screen again. Ok, I had arrived with plenty of time, I could still have a coffee in the terminal and read for a while, surely that would calm me down. I went to the metal detectors, I really hated being groped going through them, they always did it because I was always wearing something that set off the alarm,
maybe, as I was told, I had a heart of metal: the simple reason of the misfortune that it meant for me to go anywhere with detectors. I left my small backpack on the conveyor belt, took off my watch and bracelets, and the pendant that I always wore around my neck although I should have taken it off a long time ago - and put it all together with my cell phone and the few coins I had
in the pocket. "Shoes too, ma'am," the young security guard told me in a tired tone. I understood it, that job was the epitome of something tedious and monotonous, his brain was probably lethargic, always doing the same thing, always saying the same thing. I put the white Converse on the tray and I was glad in my soul that I hadn't worn patterned socks or anything like that, I
would have been so embarrassed. As my stuff started moving down the tape, I walked across the detector and of course...it started ringing. "Stand here, please, open your arms and legs," he ordered, and I sighed. Do you have any metallic object, any pointed object, or some... "I'm not wearing anything, it always happens and I don't know why," I answered, letting the guard pat me
up and down. I'm sure it's some filling. The boy was amused by my answer and suddenly I wanted him to take his hands off me. When he stepped aside and let me go, I grabbed my things and headed straight for the duty-free shop. Hello? Giant toblerones Well, that's it. I think that was the only nice thing about going to an airport. I bought two, put them in my carry-on bag, and went
to find my departure gate. LAX airport was big, but luckily my gate wasn't too far. I walked through those half-carpeted floors with signs and arrows under my feet, past a thousand signs saying "Goodbye" to me in dozens of different languages, and arrived at my destination. There weren't many people waiting yet, so I went in smoothly after handing over my passport and ticket.
When I walked through the door of the plane, I sat down, took out my book and started eating Toblerone. Things had been going reasonably well until the letter I'd tucked between the pages fell into my lap, evoking memories I'd sworn to forget and bury. I felt a knot in my stomach as the images returned to my head and my quiet day was overturned. Nine months ago... The news
that Nicholas was leaving had reached me through unexpected channels. No one had wanted to tell me anything to do with him, and it was clear that it was because he must have given very strong instructions about it. Jenna wasn't even talking about Nick and I knew that she had seen him on more than one occasion. Her worried face was a reflection of what she had to witness
when she and Lion went to her apartment. My friend was between a rock and a hard place, and that was another of the many things I had to add to my list of guilt. I hadn't seen Nicholas again, but his actions towards me were immediate. Some boxes with my things arrived just two weeks after we broke up and when I saw N in an animal box I had an anxiety attack that left me fried
on the bed after the tears ran out. Our poor kitten, now mine... I had to leave it to my mother in my old house because my roommate was terribly allergic. It was hard to let go of him, but I had no other choice. I have classified that time of my life in which I only cried and cried as "my dark time" because it had been exactly like that: I was inside a black tunnel without light, immersed
in total darkness from which I could not emerge despite the light of a new day or the artificial light of a lamp next to my bed; I had suffered from panic attacks almost daily until finally a doctor sent me straight to the psychiatrist. At first I hadn't even wanted to hear about psychologists, but I suppose that deep down it helped me because I started getting up in the morning and doing
the basic things of a human being... until that night, that night when I understood that if Nick was leaving, everything would be lost and this time forever. I found out about it through a simple conversation in the cafeteria on campus. God, even the horny college girls knew more about Nick than I did back then. A girl had been gossiping about my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, and
she inadvertently informed me about his leaving for New York in just a few days. That's when something took over my body, she forced me to get in the car and took me to his apartment. She had avoided thinking about that place, about everything that had happened, but she couldn't let it go, not without seeing it first, at least not without having a conversation. The last time I'd
seen him was the night we broke up. With my hands shaking and my legs threatening to bring me down on the asphalt, I entered Nick's block. I got into the elevator, went up to his floor and stood at his door. What was he going to tell her? What could he do to make him forgive me, so that he wouldn't leave, so that he would love me again? I rang the bell, almost feeling on the verge
of fainting. I felt fear, longing and sadness, and that's how he found me when he opened the door to his apartment. At first we were silent, just looking at each other. He did not expect to see me there; what's more, he would have put his hand in the fire that his plan had been to leave without looking back, forget about me and act as if I had never existed, but he didn't count on me
not going to make it so easy for him. The tension was almost palpable. She was amazing, dark jeans, white T-shirt, and slightly tousled hair. Calling him incredible was an understatement: he always was, but that look, that light that always appeared on his face when he saw me arrive, had gone out, that magic that enchanted us when we were in front of each other no longer existed.
Seeing him so handsome, so tall, so mine... it was as if they rubbed what I had lost, it was like a punishment. "What have you come for?" His voice was hard and icy like ice and made me come out of my stupor. "I..." I answered with a broken voice. What could I tell him? What could I do to make him look at me again as if I were his light, his hope, his life? He didn't even seem to want
to listen to me, because he started to close the door in my face, but then I made a decision: if to fight, would fight; I wasn't going to let him go, I couldn't lose him, since I wouldn't survive without him, it would be impossible. It hurt my soul to see him there in front of me and not being able to ask him to hug me, to calm that pain that consumed me day in and day out. I stepped
forward and slipped through the crack, crashing onto his floor and invading his space. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked, following me as I made a beeline for the living room. The room was unrecognizable: there were closed boxes everywhere, white blankets covered the sofa and the small table in the living room. Memories of the two of us having breakfast together, of
stolen kisses on the sofa, cuddling while watching movies, of him making me breakfast, of me sighing with pleasure between those cushions while he kissed me until I was breathless... All that had vanished. There was nothing left. It was then that tears began to well up in my eyes and unable to contain myself I turned to him. "You can't leave," I sentenced with a broken voice; he
couldn't leave me. "Go away, Noah, I'm not going to do this," he replied, staying still while clenching his jaw hard. The tone of his voice made me jump and my tears went to another level. No...fuck no, I wasn't leaving, not without him at least. "Nick, please, I can't lose you," I begged plaintively. My words were nothing special, but they were sincere, totally sincere, I would not survive
a life without him. Nicholas seemed to be breathing more and more heavily, I was afraid I was pushing him too hard, but if I got into the lion's den I better do it all the way. – Get out. His order was clear and concise, but I was an expert in disobeying him, he had always done it... he wasn't going to change now. "Don't you miss me?" I asked, my voice breaking in mid-question. I looked
around, then back at him. Because I can barely breathe... I can barely get up in the morning; I go to bed thinking of you, I wake up thinking of you, I cry for you... I impatiently wiped my tears and Nicholas took a step forward, but not with the intention of calming me, quite the opposite. His hands grabbed my arms tightly. With too much force. "And what do you think I'm doing?" He
said angrily. You fucking broke me! Feeling his hands on my skin, ugly as the gesture was, was enough to give me strength. I had missed his contact so much that I felt like a shot of adrenaline in the very center of my soul. "I'm sorry," I apologized, lowering my head, because it was one thing to feel it and quite another to bear the hatred in his pretty pale eyes. I made a mistake, a huge
and unforgivable mistake, but you can't let that end us. I raised my eyes. This time I needed him to believe my words, to see in my eyes that I was speaking from the heart. I will never love anyone like I love you. My words seemed to burn him, because he removed his hands from my body, turned and desperately put them in his hair, ran his fingers through it, and fixed himself on me
again. He seemed unhinged, he seemed to be fighting the worst battle of his life. A silence settled between us. "How could you?" he asked seconds later, and my heart broke again as I heard his voice crack on the last word. I took a hesitant step. He was hurt because of me and he just wanted me to hold me in his arms, to hold me again, to tell me that everything was going to be
okay. "I don't even remember..." I admitted, my voice cracking with anguish. It was true, he didn't remember it, my mind had blocked it; what's more, that night, that fateful night, I was so absolutely devastated to think that he had done exactly the same as me, that I hadn't even been able to stop him, I had let him do it; At that moment in my life I was so destroyed that I had simply
disconnected from my body and my soul. Nothing that has nothing to do with you remains in my memories. Nick, I need you to forgive me, I need you to look at me again the way you used to. -My words began to break pathetically, my heart hurt so much, to see him there in front of me and feel him so far away... -. Tell me what can I do to make you forgive me... He looked at me
incredulously, as if I was asking him for something impossible, as if only incoherent and ridiculous things came out of my mouth. And yes, I felt ridiculous because could I have forgiven cheating? Nick cheating? I felt a huge pain in my chest and that was enough to know the answer... No, of course not, just thinking about it made me want to Pulling my hair out to erase the image of
Nick in the arms of another woman. I wiped my tears with my forearm and realized that everything was useless. We were silent for a few moments and I knew that I had to leave, I couldn't stand that feeling of loss, because yes, I had lost it and no matter how much I begged there was nothing that could be done about it. The tears continued to fall silently down my cheeks...knowing
that what we were going to have was a silent goodbye. Goodbye... Oh my gosh, say goodbye to Nick! How was something like this done? How do you say goodbye to the person you love and need most in your life? me and, to my surprise, his lips settled on my mouth, his hands took me by the shoulders, he pressed me against him and I remained motionless receiving a kiss that I had
not expected in years. "Why, dammit," he wailed a second later, squeezing my arms tightly. I took his face in my hands and he didn't give me time to analyze what was happening because my back hit the living room wall and he held me there with force, his mouth searching mine for the air that seemed to have been taken from us. . I pulled him closer to me desperately, his tongue
entered my mouth while his hands went down my body. But then something changed, his attitude, his kiss, he became more insistent, harder. He broke away from my lips and slammed me against the wall barely letting me move. "You shouldn't be here," he bellowed angrily, and opening my eyes I felt tears slipping down his cheeks. I had never seen him cry like that, never. I felt I
was short of breath, I noticed that he needed to separate me, that we were not doing things right, that this was wrong, very wrong. I wanted to caress his cheek, I wanted to wipe away those tears, I wanted to hug him tightly and ask for forgiveness a thousand times. I don't know what my gaze was showing at that moment, but as it locked on Nick's eyes they seemed to light up with
something that could be described as anger, anger and pain, a deep pain that I knew very well. "I loved you," he stated, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I noticed him tremble and my hands embraced him as if they never wanted to let go. I loved you, damn it! Him," he yelled again, pulling away from me. Nicholas took a step back, looking at me as if he were seeing me for the
first time, his eyes fixed on the ground, then up to my face. "Get the hell out of this apartment and don't even think about coming back. I looked directly into his eyes and understood that all was lost. The tears were fighting to come out, but there was no trace of love in them anymore, just pain, pain and hate, and there was nothing I could do to fight it. She had believed that she
would be able to win him back, had believed that the love she felt for him was going to get hers back, but how wrong she was. From love to hate there is only one step... and that is exactly what I was witnessing. That was the last time I saw him. "Miss," said a voice next to me, bringing me back to reality. I looked up from the letter and saw a stewardess who was looking at me with a
bit of impatience. "Yes," I answered, sitting up as the book and the Toblerone in my lap fell to the floor. "Almost everyone has boarded, can I have your ticket?" I looked around. Shit, she was the only one left in the room. I noticed the two stewardesses who were watching me from the door that led to the sleeve that would lead me to the plane and I got up from my chair. Fuck! "I'm
sorry," I apologized, taking my backpack and digging inside to get my passport and ticket. The girl took it and went to the door. I followed her, taking a quick look around the room to make sure she wasn't leaving anything behind, and waited. -Her seat of hers is at the end on the right... I wish you a good flight. I nodded as she entered the sleeve and felt a sickness in the pit of my
stomach. Six hour flight to New York, that was what I expected. The trip seemed eternal. I didn't even want to imagine the temperatures that they must be doing in New York, since it was mid-July, and I was grateful that my stay there was going to be rather short, since it was due to a simple reason. Leaving the plane, I went straight to the station. A short train ride awaited me from
the airport to the Jamaica station, where I would catch another train that would take me to East Hamptons. I still couldn't believe I was visiting such a snobbish place that had never caught my eye, but Jenna, oh, Jenna, had wanted to have a big wedding; yes, sir, she had spent months organizing it and had wanted to get married in the Hamptons, just like that, like a rich American.
Her mother had a mansion in that exclusive area since the beginning of time, where they almost always vacationed, and Jenna loved that place, because it was where all her childhood memories were concentrated. Browsing a bit on the internet I found out how much it cost to have a house there: my jaw dropped. Jenna had told me she wanted me with her a week before her
wedding. It was Tuesday and it wouldn't be until Sunday when my best friend would stop being single forever. Many had said that getting married at nineteen was crazy, but who were we to judge the love of a couple? If they wanted to and were prepared and sure of the love they felt, then to hell with convention. So there I was, getting off the train at the Jamaica station to face a
two-odd hour journey during which I was going to have to realize that not only did I have to watch my best friend get married, but she was going to to see Nicholas Leister again after ten months without knowing anything about him, other than the few things he had discovered on the internet. Nick was the best man and I was one of the bridesmaids... you can imagine what a good
picture. Maybe time had come to heal the wounds, maybe time had led to forgiveness. I didn't know, but one thing was clear: we were both going to meet face to face and the third world war would most certainly break out.

CHAPTER 2 NOAH

I arrived at the train station at around seven in the evening. The sun had not yet disappeared over the horizon, in the middle of July it wouldn't do so until after nine o'clock, and it was nice to get off the train, stretch my legs and feel that warm smell of the sea and the cool breeze coming from the coast. It had been a while since I had been to the beach and I missed it. My college was
almost two hours from the ocean, and I did my best to avoid going to my mother's house. My relationship with her had ceased to be what it was and although many months had passed, we had not resolved anything at all. We talked very from time to time and when the conversation turned to areas that I was not willing to enter I would simply hang up the phone. Jenna was waiting
for me inside the car, in front of the station. Seeing me, she got out of her white convertible and came running to meet me. I did the same and we met in the middle of the road. We wrapped ourselves in a totally girlish hug and started jumping like crazy. -Are you here! -I'm here!-I'm getting married! "You're going to get married!" We both burst out laughing until the insistent
honking of the traffic we had interrupted caused us to break apart. We got in the convertible and I watched my friend as she started blabbering about how overwhelmed she was and all the things she was going to have to do before the big day. In reality we only had a couple of days to be together and alone, since the guests would not be long in arriving. The closest friends would
stay at his house and the rest would either have their own house in the Hamptons-when I say "house" I mean "mansion"-or they would stay with a friend who lived in the area. Jenna had also chosen these dates for that very reason. In order not to force everyone to go there, she decided to choose the vacation time, since half of her friends and acquaintances were already going to
be, if not in the Hamptons at least nearby. "I've put together an insane itinerary, Noah, the next few days we're just going to lie on the beach, go to the spa, eat and drink margaritas. This is my bachelorette party in the "relax" style that I so desire. I nodded while my eyes were lost in the surroundings. Oh my gosh, that place was gorgeous! I felt as if I had been slammed back into the
colonial days of the 17th century. The little houses in the town were made of white brick with long and beautiful tiles, with porches in the front areas and rocking chairs in front of their doors. She was so used to the down-to-earth style of Los Angeles that she had forgotten how quaint some places could be. As we got further away from the town I began to glimpse the impressive
mansions that stood imposingly on extensive estates. Jenna turned down a side road toward the sea, and there, in the distance, I could see the high roofs of a spectacular white and tan mansion. "Tell me that's not your house..." Jenna laughed and pulled a little gadget out of the glove compartment. She hit a button and the massive gates on the outer door swung open almost
soundlessly. And there it was, an impressively large and beautiful house. It was colonial in style, like everything in the area, nothing modern but exquisitely built on land that flowed into the sea -you could hear the waves from there. A series of dim lights illuminated the path that led to the parking area, with room for at least ten cars. The white brick mansion had a beautiful porch
supported by huge columns. The gardens that surrounded it were a green that I had not seen for a long time and in it stood out two hundred-year-old oaks that seemed to receive you with their majestic presence. "Are you going to get married here? Damn, Jenna, it really is beautiful," I exclaimed getting out of the convertible, unable to take my eyes off that sublime construction,
and I was used to it... Let's see, I had lived at the Leisters' house, but that it was totally different... it was magical. -I am not getting married here; In principle, yes, that was the plan, but talking about it with my father, I found out that he was excited that I would do it where we had always talked: there is a vineyard an hour from here, more or less, where my father took me when I was
little. We used to go horseback riding and I remember that he once told me that he wanted me to get married in that place, because he had magic that was hard to find. I remember that he was barely ten years old and at that time he dreamed of getting married like a princess. My father still remembers it. "It sure is an amazing place if it tops this place. -It is, you're going to love it,
many weddings are held there. With that said, the two of us approached the stairs together and climbed the ten steps that led to the porch. I felt the subtle creak of the wood under my feet and it was like heavenly music to my ears. You can't imagine what it was like inside: there were hardly any walls, it was a huge open space with an oak wood floor. In the center was a set of sofas
arranged in a circle around a round modern fireplace. A library with small wing chairs occupied another space that led to a staircase that went up to the second floor, where a balustrade allowed you to look down. "How many people stay here, Jenn Jenna carelessly tossed her jacket onto the couch and we went into the kitchen. It was also huge: it had a kind of living room, with
yellow armchairs and a small table for breakfast. Through the large windows I could see that the door opened onto the immense garden behind and beyond, a few meters away, was the immaculate white sand beach that competed with the large square pool. Well, let's see... in total I think about ten, counting the two of us, Lion and Nick; the others stay in other houses in the area or
in the hotel in the port. I glanced out the window when I heard Nick's name and nodded nonchalantly so he wouldn't realize how much hearing his name affected me. However, Jenna noticed and, taking two bottles of ginger-ale out of the fridge, she made me look into her eyes. "It's been ten months now, Noah... I know you're still in pain and I've partly waited this time for you,
because I couldn't have gotten married without my two best friends, but... do you think you're going to be okay?" ...you haven't seen him since... -I know and yes, Jenna, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't care and that I'm over it, because I'm not, but we both know that this was going to end up happening. We are practically family... it was a matter of time before we
saw each other's faces again. Jenna nodded and I had to look away from hers. I did not like what my eyes saw; when talking about Nick, people seemed to be walking on swampy ground. I knew how to deal with my pain, I had done it and kept doing it day in and day out, I didn't need anyone's compassion. I had ended our relationship and being left alone with my broken heart was
the punishment. Jenna wasted no time in showing me to my room and I was grateful as I was exhausted. She hugged me excited after explaining to me how the shower worked and she left screaming that she better rest because the next day there was going to be no God to stop us. I smiled and when she was gone I turned on the faucet to take a hot and relaxing bath. I knew that
the days to come were going to be hard. She was going to have to hold it together for Jenna, so she wouldn't see that she was broken. The following week I had to give the best performance of my life... and not only in front of Jenna, but also in front of Nicholas, because if he saw my vulnerability it would end up crushing my soul and my heart... after all that it was what he had
proposed. I woke up pretty early, mostly because the curtains in my room were drawn. I leaned out and the waves of the ocean seemed to say good morning to me. We were so close to the sea that I could almost feel the sand under my feet. I hurriedly put on my bikini and when I got to the kitchen I saw that Jenna was already awake and talking to a woman who was sitting across
from her drinking coffee. Seeing me arrive, they both smiled at me. "Noah, come let me introduce you," she said, getting up and taking my arm. The woman in front of her was very pretty, with Asian features and well-groomed brown hair. She was... clean; yes, that was the best word to describe it. This is Amy, the wedding planner. I walked up to her and shook her hand with a smile.
-Nice to meet you. Amy gave me an approving look and pulled a book out of her bag, where she began to search for something by turning the pages quickly and confidently. "Jenna told me you were pretty, but now that I look at you... The bridesmaid dress is going to look amazing on you." I smiled as I felt my cheeks flush. Jenna sat down next to me and popped a piece of toast into
her mouth. -Hey, the pretty one at the party has to be me. She barely made out with the food in her mouth, but she knew she was joking. Jenna was so beautiful that no matter how many pretty girls she had next to her, she would always stand out from all the rest. "Look, Noah, this is your dress," Amy said, showing me a Vera Wang signature photo. It was a gorgeous red dress with a
V-neckline and two thin straps that crisscrossed her back. The cleavage that she had behind was impressive. Do you like it? How not to like it! When Jenna asked me to be one of her bridesmaids it almost brought me to tears, but we made a pact: if I was her bridesmaid she would choose any dress that wouldn't make me look like a birthday cake. . And boy did she take my request
seriously: the dress was amazing. "Who else will be a bridesmaid with me?" I asked, still looking at that fascinating garment. Jenna looked at me with a smile. "In the end I decided to only have a bridesmaid," she admitted leaving me stunned. "Wait... how?" I exclaimed in disbelief. What about your cousin, Janina, or Janora, or whatever her name is... Jenna got up from her chair and
went straight to the fridge, her back to me. Amy couldn't care less about us; what's more, she got up to answer a call and moved towards a corner of the kitchen to hear better. Jenna took out strawberries and milk and placed them on one of the counters. As she picked up the blender, clearly intending to make herself a smoothie, she shrugged. Janina is unbearable. My mother is the
one who almost forced me to make her a bridesmaid, but when she found out that I couldn't, she admitted that between having only two bridesmaids or just one, she preferred that there was only one... You know, it's more harmonious, those were just his words. I rolled my eyes; great, now she was going to have to be there alone, standing in front of the hundreds of guests who
would attend the ceremony and having no one by my side with whom to share my misfortune. "Besides, you know...Lion's only going to have one friend at the altar, so I don't have to worry about it looking weird: it's going to be all perfectly proportioned. Before I understood what my friend had just said, the mixer filled the sudden silence, drowning out my conflicting thoughts.
Wait...just a friend and a friend at the altar... "Jenna! I yelled, getting to my feet and crossing the kitchen until I reached her side. My friend was staring into the blender bowl. I unceremoniously turned off the pot and forced her to look at me. I'm the godmother, right? Jenna had guilt on her face. "I'm sorry, Noah, but Lion doesn't have his father and you obviously knew that Nick
would be his godfather. As you will understand, I was not going to put my mother as godmother if Lion's father was not there to accompany her, it did not seem right to me and that is why we decided that they would be our best friends. I closed my eyes tight. "Do you know what you're asking of me? Not only was I going to have to go into the church with Nicholas, but we both had
to see that everything went according to plan; We were not only going to have to see each other at the ceremony, but also in the previous rehearsals. I had shrugged off all of that because I thought Jenna had already chosen her godmother, I'd just gotten used to the idea that I was going to have to see Nick from a distance... Yes, we'd be in the same room, but we wouldn't have they
interact with each other; now I was going to have him glued to me throughout the ceremony, including the dinner afterward. Jenna took my hands and looked into my eyes. "It'll only be a few days, Noah," she said, trying to convey a calm to me that she wasn't even going to be able to feel. You've turned the page, months have passed...everything's going to be fine, you'll
see ."You've turned the page..."I only knew of one of us who had; I, on the other hand, endured with the small puffs of air that I took from time to time when coming to the surface.

CHAPTER 3 NICK

I looked at the clock on my desk in my office. It was four in the morning and he was unable to sleep a wink. My mind kept spinning over what was going to happen in a few days. Damn...he was going to have to see her again. I narrowed my eyes at the happy wedding invitation. There was nothing in this world that I hated more right now than a stupid ceremony where two people
swore eternal love: what an asshole. I had agreed to be the best man because he wasn't such a bastard to refuse me, knowing that Lion had no father and his brother Luca was an ex-con who didn't even know if they would let him into the church. But as the day approached, I became more moody and nervous. I didn't want to see her... I had even spoken to Jenna personally, I had
tried to put her between a rock and a hard place so she could choose, her or me, but Lion almost beat me up for putting her in that situation. I had thought of a thousand and one excuses for not having to attend, but none justified being such a bastard as to leave two of my best friends stranded. I got up from the chair and went to the huge window that allowed me to contemplate
those incredible views of New York City. Standing there, on the 62nd floor, I felt so far from everyone... so far from anyone, that a freezing cold ran through me. That was me, an iceberg, an iceberg. Those ten months had been a nightmare, I had gone down to hell, I had done it alone, I had burned and I had risen from the ashes becoming someone completely different. No more
smiles, no more dreams, no more feeling something more than simple carnal desire for someone Standing there, far from the world, I had become my own prison, mine alone, no one else's. I heard someone's footsteps behind me, and then hands wrapped around me from behind. I didn't even startle, I no longer felt, I just existed. "Why don't you go back to bed?" the voice of that
girl she had met just a few hours ago in one of the best restaurants in the city asked me. My life was now reduced to one thing: work. I worked and worked, earned more and more money, and started all over again. It had only been two months after the anniversary of Leister Enterprises, when my grandfather Andrew decided that he had had enough of this world and that he wanted
to leave it. If I have to admit something, it's that it was that moment, the moment I received the call informing me of his death, when I finally allowed myself to collapse. It was at that moment when another person I loved was taken from me when I realized that life is shit: you give your heart to someone, you let them take care of that part of you and then you discover that not only
have they not taken care of it like you you expected but they have crushed it until it bleeds; and then, the people who have really loved you, the people who since you were born decided to protect you, one day they decide to leave this world without even warning, they leave without a trace and you are left alone without even understanding what has happened, wondering why did
they have to leave... Of course, he had not left without a trace, no: he had left a very important document behind him, a document that changed my life and gave it a radical turn. My grandfather had left me absolutely everything. Not just his house in Montana and all of his many properties, but he had left Leister Enterprises to me, in its entirety. Not even my father had received part
of his inheritance, although it's not like he needed it, he already led one of the best bar associations in the country, but my grandfather had left me his entire empire, including Leister Corporations, the company which, together with my father's, dominated a large part of the country's financial sector. I had always wanted to be part of the world of finance with my grandfather, but I
had never wanted it all to fall out of the blue. So, suddenly, I had been forced into that position I had longed for and had officially become the owner of an empire, and all at the early age of twenty four. I had turned so much to work, to show that he was capable of overcoming any obstacle, to show that he could be the best, that no one doubted my abilities anymore. He had reached
the top...and yet I couldn't ignore how down I was. I turned to look at the dark-haired girl who had wanted to entertain me for a few hours. She was slim, tall, she had blue eyes and perfect breasts, but she was just a pretty body. She didn't even remember her name. Actually, she should have left already, because she had made it clear to him that she only wanted to fuck and that
when we finished she would gladly call a taxi to accompany her to her house. Seeing her there, however, after feeling so devastated and angry at having to deal with a situation that infuriated me more than I could admit, I felt an urge to at least release some of the tension my body seemed to be holding. Her hands moved up my chest as her eyes searched mine. "I have to admit that
the rumors about you weren't unfounded," she said, hugging me enticingly. I took her hands by the wrists and stopped her caress. "I don't care what they say about me," I replied flatly. It's four in the morning and in half an hour I'm going to ask you for a taxi, so you better take advantage of the time. Despite the harshness of my words, the girl smiled. 'Of course, Mr Leister. I
clenched my jaw and just allowed it to continue. I closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by the momentary pleasure and the simple physical satisfaction, trying not to feel the emptiness that I had inside of her. Sex was no longer what it had been, and for me...even better that way.

CHAPTER 4 NOAH

The calm with which we had lived the last few days had ceased to exist as soon as the doorbell rang that very early morning. We'd hung out going to the spa in Sag Harbor, eating fresh seafood in quaint restaurants, and sunbathing for hours letting our skin get that much-desired tan that was sure to give us lifelong wrinkles. Amy, the organizer of the event, had left us alone to
experience that much-needed moment of friends, but a few days before the wedding and with the imminent arrival of numerous guests, it was impossible to continue with our dolce far niente. Jenna seemed to get more and more nervous and she showed it by talking non-stop and, above all, calling Lion every time she had an anxiety attack. After months of preparing for a test run at
one of Jenna's father's companies, he had landed his well-deserved position as manager of one of her branches, and things finally seemed to be on the right track for the group's stray. Both had managed to forgive each other for the past and were more in love than ever. That morning I finally got to see the wedding dress. The dressmaker had arrived with Amy so Jenna could try it on
for almost one last time and do the finishing touches. I have to say that the dress was incredible, white lace and fitted to her waist, from which a flared skirt emerged. She reminded me of the dresses worn by movie stars or magazine models that inevitably make us drool. Jenna's mom, along with one of the most expensive dressmakers in Los Angeles, had designed the dress and it
looked amazing on my friend. A group of workers soon arrived and took it upon themselves to place flowers at the entrance of the house, consistent, according to Jenna, with the floral motifs of the wedding; likewise, another group arranged the catering with which all the friends and relatives who would arrive during the day would be received: there was food to give and take. In
short, in the immense garden, what would be a pre-wedding reception worthy of admiration was being prepared. The rehearsal dinner would be in two days and it would be held in a hall by the bay. Needless to say the state of nerves in which I found myself. She wasn't ready to see Nick again, let alone spend more than two days in the same house. The room soon became abuzz
with people, family and friends arriving non-stop and excitedly approaching Jenna with the intention of asking her questions about the ceremony or just gossiping about her dress and everything else. My friend had invited her closest friends to stay in the mansion and also her closest relatives, especially the younger ones, since adults preferred to stay in hotels where the youthful
excitement and drunkenness that we would surely end up with everyone that night did not interrupt their adult tranquility. Jenna was surrounded by some of her cousins as the caterers poured in through the front door, which seemed to go on forever. I was just passing through the entrance, with the clear intention of going up to my room to find some peace, when a familiar car
pulled up next to the entrance. I raised my hand and put it on as a visor to see Lion's brother come down with that dangerous smile that seemed to be tattooed on him. She twirled the car keys between her fingers and locked eyes with me as she realized she was watching him from the porch. "Look who we've got here," he said with a crooked smile, approaching the steps, "the little
princess missing in action. I rolled my eyes. I had never really liked Luca. He had spent years in jail, and Jenna had told me, he kept getting into trouble, trouble that Lion was now in charge of solving. She had to admit that Luca had changed quite a bit since the last time she'd seen him months ago, in the horrible races where Jenna ended up cutting Lion. Nick and I had also had a
monumental fight, a fight that, as always, had ended in sex, sex that didn't solve anything, sex that simply helped us avoid the inevitable: that we were slowly destroying each other. "How are you, beautiful?" she told me, placing herself in front of me and forcing me to look up a little. If Lion was a big guy, Luca wasn't far behind. His tattooed arms might have scared off any decent
person, but he wore them proudly and I couldn't care less. "Very good, Luca, it's nice to see you," I answered, taking a small step back; he had gotten too close to me and I didn't like it very much. Jenna's inside her, if you want to say hello. Luca looked over my shoulder without much interest. His green eyes, the same as his brother's, lowered to mine, shamelessly roamed the white
dress he was wearing and crinkled as he smiled again and looked at my face. "I have time to say hello to the bride-to-be, and speaking of brides...and grooms. Is it true that you're single? His interest made me a bit confused, and since I didn't feel like talking about my sentimental life, especially with the pimp brother of my ex's best friend, who was surely aware of what had
happened, especially After what I had done, the desire to run away and lock myself in my room increased considerably. "I'm sure you know the answer to that question," I stated rather coolly. The reminder of my current situation only made me feel a prick in my chest. Just then Jenna appeared. A much nicer smile than mine greeted Luca, who opened his arms to hold her close to his
chest. "Hello, future sister-in-law," he greeted her, caressing her with his hands. Are you fatter Be careful, it's not going to be that the dress doesn't fit you. Luca was smiling and Jenna writhed in her arms, yanking free and glaring at him with her slanted eyes. "You're an idiot," she snapped at him, slapping her arm. Luca focused on me again. "I was asking Noah where my room was...
You know I'm not used to living in castles by the beach and I feel tired from traveling..." Jenna rolled her eyes. -It only occurs to you to cross the country by car. Don't you know about the existence of those devices called airplanes? I opened my eyes in surprise. "Did you drive from California?" Luca nodded, adjusting the backpack she was carrying on his shoulder. "I love roadside
restaurants," he declared, walking between them and entering the house. Where am I going? Jenna shook her head, smiling. At that precise moment they called her from the kitchen. "Noah, take him upstairs and tell him to stay in the room on the right, the one by the balcony. "But..." Jenna didn't stay to listen to my protests, she disappeared down the hall towards the kitchen,
leaving me alone with Luca. "Come on, princess, I don't have all day. After showing him around the room, and with the clear intention of keeping him out of sight, I turned to go out the door and into my room, which was only two doors away, but Luca intercepted me halfway, slipping through the door. me too. "Let's go to the beach," he suggested, resolution in his eyes. "No,
thanks," I answered trying to avoid his body and reach for the door handle. -I don't want to stay here... Come on, don't be boring, I'll buy you a hot dog. I watched him carefully trying to guess what his intentions were. Luca was a restless person, someone difficult to control, she was sure that staying there, with all the guests that were arriving non-stop, stressed him more than she
wanted to admit. "I don't want a hot dog, I want to go to my room and read a good book, so please step away." He ignored me. "Read," she pronounced the word as if it were an insult. You'll read when you're dead. Hey, let's take a walk around this posh place. -Luca, I can't just go, Jenna needs help; Besides, we don't know this place and I really don't want to get lost with you in the
Hamptons. Luca put on the cap that he was wearing backwards and stared at me. -Losing you with me is the best thing that could happen to you, beautiful, but it's not something that interests me right now; I just want to go out to eat something with good company, and you're not bad at all, despite your repellent little princess airs. I crossed my arms and was about to slap him, just
like Jenna had, but he laughed, cutting off the insult he was about to spout. -It was a joke! Come on, don't be a glander, I promise to bring you back safe and sound, God forbid Jenna is left without a bridesmaid. Just then a group of Jenna's relatives began to climb the huge stairs and immediately the corridor was filled with people talking animatedly, so the idea of Luca hanging out
didn't seem so horrible to me anymore. "I'll go out with you on one condition," I said, staring at him without a hint of a smile. Instead, Luca looked at me with a bad boy smirk on his face. -What you want. -I drive. Contrary to what I expected, Luca couldn't care less that I was the one behind the wheel of his shiny black mustang; instead, he seemed content not to have to watch the
road and enjoy the views of the coast. The sun would be setting soon, and it was a pleasant enough breeze. A silence that was not at all uncomfortable enveloped us, and I liked driving down those back roads with the simple determination to take a walk. I knew that a part of Luca was holding back with me: he wasn't the typical guy who goes with a girl just to hang out, but I didn't
care much about his intentions. Finally, after driving aimlessly for a while and when it had gotten dark, I stopped at a mobile dog stand by the sea. Around him were tables, at which were seated two couples and a couple with two small children. "I'm hungry," I announced, taking the keys out of the ignition. Luca smiled and got out of the car. I watched him from my position by the
window and hurried to catch up with him. "I didn't know you drove with gears," he told me, taking off his cap, running his hand through his close-cropped hair and putting it back on afterwards. -Well, it's not that you and I know each other very well, it's normal that you didn't know. I went ahead to the stall that sold that food, considered garbage, but it smelled of glory. I ordered an
all-inclusive dog, some fries and a Coca-Cola; Luca, in turn, ordered the same, but with a beer. When we had our food we sat down at one of the tables. It was a little strange for me to be there with the brother of my best friend's future husband, an ex convict and with a very bad reputation, but I had to admit that up to now he had behaved quite well. "You don't like dieting much,
do you," he said, pointing to my greasy plate. "I exercise," I replied, giving the puppy a bite. It was delicious. Luca nodded as he took a sip of his beer, then leaned back and stared at me. -Before you said that we didn't know each other, why don't we play the game of twenty questions? I put the puppy down carefully on the plate and looked away for a moment. A small part of my
brain caught the flirtation hidden in his proposal, but the other evaded to bring up a memory from long ago, a memory that had gotten close to Nick in a rather intimate way, where we had both played that stupid game. to get to know each other better. The memory of that time, when we barely knew each other, the memory of being with him, without me knowing any of his
problems and he knowing none of mine, almost made me get up and run to lock myself in my room, where I shouldn't. out, but I did the appropriate thing under the circumstances: I closed my eyes for a second, took a deep breath, and focused on something else. I had an attractive guy in front of me, a guy who didn't suit me at all and who would only bring trouble to my already
complicated situation, but what he didn't know was that no matter what he did or said, nothing would make me fly like he did. a single glance from Nicholas Leister. Sometimes it was just that what I missed, his gaze, his eyes fixed on mine in that unique and incomparable way. Luca moved his hand in front of my face to make me react and I looked at him again, at his tattoos and at
his green eyes full of too much curiosity. "I'll let you ask me just one question," I answered so as not to sound unfriendly. Luca smiled, ran a hand over his chin, and leaned across the table. "If you just narrow it down to one I'm going to have to get right to the point," he commented. I shifted a little uncomfortably in my chair. I think this was the first time in months that I was alone
with a guy and I didn't like the feeling he was getting in his stomach, like he was doing something wrong. "Would you go out with me tomorrow night?" His question was clear, but my answer was even more so. -No. That was me being clear and concise. What's more, I got up from the table-I didn't feel like eating anymore-but he held me by the wrist, forcing me to stand next to him,
who turned to face me. "Why not?" "Because I can't." He looked back at me strangely. "That you can't? What kind of answer is that?" I moved a little uneasily, but he kept holding me by the wrist. "I don't want to," I stated, fixing my gaze on his right shoulder. A few seconds passed before he spoke again. "I see... you're still in love with him," she said, affirming it more than asking it. I
jerked free and took a step back. "That's none of your business, do you hear me?" Luca raised
Luca had insisted on going further this time, and my legs were already resisting, threatening to make me walk back. -Come now! The smart guy yelled at me as he ran back so he could look at me and tease me at the same time. I combed it and tried to ignore it, but I had to stop to drink water and catch my breath. After a few hours it would get dark and we had to be showered and
dressed to dine with the rest of the guests. Jenna's father had hired a caterer for those days; it was a non-stop celebration, with a tent set up outside and food available at all hours. The Tavish house had been converted into a five-star hotel, and everyone seemed delighted. "Don't be soft on me!" I exhaled slowly and splashed water over my head. The pink top I was wearing got
soaked, but I got rid of some of the sweat that was trickling down my stomach and breasts. I wiped my face with my hands and decided I would walk back, I had already pushed my body too hard for one afternoon. "Go on, you jerk!" Luca shook his head, stopped, and backed toward where he had stopped me. "I thought your stamina was improving, princess. You have disappointed
me. "Come on, shut up. Together we started walking down the pavement toward Jenna's house. We were going up a huge slope, and in the distance the sun was setting rapidly, dyeing the sky in amazing colors. "It's not long until the big day." Are you nervous? Luca asked me while he did the same thing I had done a few seconds before and poured what was left of the water into the
bottle over his head. He shook himself and drops of water mixed with sweat splashed on her body and face. I nudged him with my arm and he grinned like an idiot. "I'm not the one who gets married, Luca," I answered with feigned dissimulation. The little that we had spoken during those two days had made it quite clear that a certain topic was untouchable, although considering
that there was almost nothing left for the wedding, I understood his curiosity. "You are the godmother... your role is important," he stated, looking ahead. I didn't answer, but the nervousness that he had been suppressing these days resurfaced dizzyingly, making my stomach turn over. She hadn't wanted to ask Jenna when she would be arriving; What's more, she wasn't even sure
that she was going to show up before the very day... What am I saying, the very moment our friends were supposed to get married. For me, even better this way; she trembled simply at the thought of having to see him again. Just then a car passed us and it went so fast that Luca pushed me aside. -Cocoon! she yelled, but the black Lexus was already a dark speck at the end of the
road. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach and I rushed to get home.

CHAPTER 5 NICK

It was six in the evening and I was still in New York. The secretary who was in charge of organizing my agenda had made a mistake and had set me up with a meeting with two pompous assholes who had only wasted my time. I had had to spend two hours answering ridiculous questions and when I finally ended the meeting I locked myself in the office. I looked at my wristwatch and
knew that I was going to arrive later than I had initially planned. Leaving just after rush hour for the Hamptons was crazy, but I couldn't delay my arrival any longer. Steve was waiting for me outside when I finally broke free. "Nicholas," he said, bowing his head and taking the small suitcase I handed him. "How's the traffic, Steve?" I asked as my phone vibrated. I ignored him for a few
moments and got into the car, in the passenger seat. At that moment I needed to close my eyes for a few minutes and calm down the swirl of thoughts that were going through my mind. "As always," Steve replied, getting behind the wheel and heading out to the east side of town. We had more than two hours of travel left, that is if there was not too much traffic. Steve had become
my right hand, he was in charge of taking me to the places on time, of my security, and of helping me with whatever I needed. He had been working for the family since I was barely seven years old, so he was one of the few men who knew me and knew when to talk to me or when to be silent. He, better than anyone, was aware of what I had to face in the coming days and for that
reason I appreciated that he put on relaxing music, not too slow and not too upbeat, with the ideal rhythm to allow me to start convincing myself that I wasn't thinking losing the papers at that wedding; no, I was going to have to control, not just my temper, but anything that threatened to topple the ivory tower I now stood in, high and far... far from everyone, especially her. An
hour and a half later we stopped to refuel at a gas station lost in the middle of the road. After I had allowed myself to sleep for a while, I began to feel more and more restless and insisted on moving to get behind the wheel, which Steve didn't seem to mind; besides, he suddenly needed him to talk to me about anything. Driving a little faster than the signs indicated, we started
talking about the Knicks vs. Lakers game and just like that, before we knew it, we were already entering the Hamptons. Different emotions invaded me when we entered that part of the state of New York that brought back so many memories. My father and mother had bought a house by the beach; well, actually it had been a wedding gift. It was a small house, nothing to do with the
mansions that were around there and I could remember those occasions when the three of us had spent the summer together. There had been few, it must be said, but if my memories were not deceiving me, I think that the house had been one of the few places where we had been a family. My father had taught me to surf on the beaches of Mountack, and I tried my best to make
him proud of me. With those thoughts in mind and a few more bitter ones, I headed for the road that led to Jenna's parents' house. After my mother took off, my father would bring me to the Hamptons for a week every summer and we would spend it with the Tavishes. That was when we had our first kiss... God, how nervous I had been and how calm Jenna had been. To her it had
only been a simple experiment; I, on the other hand, almost ran away. It had been under one of the big trees in the back garden. We were playing tag with her and when I found her, he grabbed me by her shirt and forced me to hide with her behind a huge log. "You have to give it to me now, Nick; if not, it will be too late. At the time I didn't understand what the hell she was
referring to, but years later I found out that on that tree, right under those leaves, Jenna's father had proposed to her mother. Jenna found out that same day, and the dreamy and romantic girl she was determined to hide decided to go for a walk. According to her, that kiss was disgusting... but for me it was the beginning and I haven't stopped since. With those thoughts in mind I
stepped on the accelerator. He was so absorbed that it took me a few seconds too long to put my foot on the brake when I saw a couple who seemed to be taking a walk in the middle of the road. They were dressed in tracksuits, and as the car flew past them, turning them into a blur by my window, I felt an uncomfortable pressure in the pit of my stomach. I looked in the rearview
mirror and that pressure turned into a chill.

CHAPTER 6 NOAH

I got out of the shower leaving a huge cloud of steam behind me. I had been in the bathroom longer than recommended, but it was either that or let all my muscles stay as taut as violin strings. I leaned out of the window wrapped in a towel and saw that the back garden was bursting with people. They were all dressed in white, an idea that Jenna's father had come up with and that
he had been rolling around the house, so that dinner had become an Ibizan party in honor of the bride and groom. When we'd arrived at the house, sweaty and smelly, I'd found Lion and Jenna in a bear hug by the porch steps. Apparently he had just arrived and Jenna already seemed whole. Despite my breakup with Nicholas, Lion had never commented on what had happened;
What's more, he flatly refused to take part in anything that had to do with our breakup. There was a moment, right after our split, that I took to badgering poor Lion into giving me Nick's new number. There was no way, and Jenna added to her even-handed attitude because neither of us ever talked about Nick in front of me again, unless it was to give me support when I needed it
most. So yes, the moments he had spent with Lion had been reduced to those encounters in which he was inevitably with Jenna. I moved away from the window and began to get ready in a hurry. I didn't have any white dresses apart from the one I wore to the beach, so I put on an Ibizan skirt that hit a little above my knees and a tight tank top of the same color. I towel-dried a bit so
my hair wouldn't be dripping wet, knowing that the ocean breeze would dry it in a matter of minutes. As I went downstairs, clearly intending to go to the back garden where everyone was, the sound of the doorbell made me stop by the balustrade. Jenna was out with her friends and family and the house seemed deserted apart from the waiters coming and going from the kitchen
bringing seafood to the outside diners. I approached the door, and repeating the same action I had been doing since the guests had begun to arrive, I opened it and forced my lips into a welcoming smile. My smile froze when Steve returned my gaze.He seemed as surprised as I was, though a second later he greeted me warmly. I felt a knot in my stomach seeing him standing there,
holding both suitcases in his hands. Heart pounding, I saw a man in a suit get out of a black Lexus a little further up the street, sunglasses on, a phone against his left ear. Nick took off his sunglasses, while he said something curtly to whoever he was on the other end of the line. As he did, his eyes met mine and I was afraid I'd faint right there. He was so different... he had cut his hair
and it was no longer disheveled and long, just as he remembered it, just as he got up in the morning; now he kept it short and neatly combed, giving him a serious, even intimidating look. The suit he was wearing, on the other hand, only accentuated that new image of an entrepreneur. He had his jacket hanging from one arm, the top two buttons of his shirt undone and the sleeves
of the shirt rolled up above the elbows, revealing his forearms tanned and much more muscled since I'd last seen him. I did all this scrutiny in just a few seconds, a few mere seconds, because his eyes locked so fiercely on mine that I had to look down to the ground to recover from the shock of seeing him again. When I looked up again he was no longer looking at me; he said goodbye
to that person and put the phone in his pocket while he approached the door where I was. I held my breath not knowing what to do or say and when he stood in front of me, for those two ephemeral seconds that he took to surround my body without even hesitating to enter the door without looking back, I felt as if I were dying again, I felt as if I would have spent months, years,
walking through a desert and suddenly a source of water appeared right in front of me... only to realize a second later that it was a simple mirage playing with the little sanity that I still had. Thank God Jenna showed up to rescue me. It was only when I heard Nicholas and Steve disappear up the hall that I was able to go back inside the house. I hurried out into the garden with the
other guests, I wanted to get lost among the people, I wanted to disappear from there and be swallowed up by the earth. Now I realized what a huge mistake I had made in going there; I know, Jenna was my best friend, but that was too hard, months, months had passed, and a simple look from her had managed to turn my whole world upside down. About ten minutes later I saw
him go down the stairs chatting amicably with the bride and groom. Nick was the only one who had decided to skip the white-wearing bullshit. He was dressed the same way he had arrived, with his dark suit pants and his light blue shirt rolled up, but without a tie. I felt a stab of pain in the center of my body at how incredibly attractive he looked from a distance. It didn't take long for
him to blend in with the crowd; Many came up to greet him and he entered into conversation with everyone in a distant way, but with that characteristic elegance of his. I saw Luca talking to Nick and Lion and I knew then that she was alone: that wasn't my place, those weren't my friends... only Jenna wanted me there, she was sure. I was so sad that it took all my self-control to
keep from crying. I made the decision that since there was nothing I could do-or, rather, undo-I was going to bite the bullet and swallow everything I still felt for him. Maybe time had healed his wounds, maybe time had made him stop hating me, maybe we could handle this like adults, treat each other with cordiality and respect, and someday even try to be friends. I know, it
sounded ridiculous, but it was either that or jump off a balcony, and the second option, as appetizing as it was, was obviously not going to do me any good. So I started talking to people and forced myself to relax. If I stayed away from him, nothing bad would have to happen, nor would I have to subject my heart to unbearable torture. Jenna's parents introduced me to a family friend,
an associate of Greg's who very kindly started a conversation with me about my studies and what I wanted to do in the future. It was obvious that he was someone important, so when he handed me his card I appreciated the detail. I was beyond lost regarding my future, so the more options the better. What she didn't suspect was that Lincoln Baxwell was a friend of Nicholas
Leister's. We were talking amicably when Mr. Baxwell waved his hand to someone behind me. Turning, Nicholas appeared in front of me. They shook hands and when Baxwell came on to make the introductions I saw something tremble in Nick's neck: he was as tense as he'd ever seen it before, so tense that I had to do the talking. "We already know each other, Mr. Baxwell," I said,
hating myself for that tremor in my voice that revealed in half a second how insecure and uncomfortable he was. Baxwell smiled and looked at us alternately. Nicholas held my gaze with his for a few moments and it hurt me to see the coldness with which he blurted out: "Do we really know each other?" he asked without taking his eyes off my face. I felt a chill run down my entire
spine when I heard again that deep voice that I still kept hearing in my dreams, that voice that had told me "I love you" so many times, that had whispered sweet things in my ear so many times. His gaze had me so mesmerized that I could barely open my mouth. "You remind me of someone I thought I knew a long time ago..." he then commented coldly and impersonally. He inclined
his head to his friend, turned, and walked away to mingle with the crowd again. The noise that followed was my heart hitting the ground. The next morning I woke up at dawn. I had barely slept a wink, it was impossible... The day I screwed up, that damn day I did something that I still don't understand how I was able to do, it replayed itself in my head. "There is no turning back." "I
can't even look at your face..." "We're done." I remembered Nicholas's expression when he realized what he had done with Michael, I couldn't even think of his name without feeling guilty. I got out of bed and got dressed quickly, I wanted to see if I could get out of the house before anyone got up and saw me go; I wasn't even thinking of letting Luca know that I was going to cum, I
needed to be alone to think and clarify myself, but above all I needed to be alone to realize that I was going to have to see Nicholas for the next few days and not only that: I was going to have to walk with him to the altar. Running made me feel great and, for the rest, the rest of the morning luckily flew by because we had to do a thousand things, the guests were still at ease and
outside they were already setting up that night's rehearsal dinner. The damn rehearsal dinner. Having skipped lunch and not seeing Nicholas or Steve since the night before, I was now waiting with Jenna's parents for Jenna to come downstairs with Lion so I could go to the vineyard where the wedding ceremony would take place. wedding. Those of us who participated in the
ceremony had to rehearse our entrance and if we didn't go out the night would fall on us. Just as Jenna and Lion were walking down the stairs the front door opened and a neatly dressed Nicholas in jeans and a loose white shirt made his appearance. I didn't know what he had been doing all morning and part of the afternoon, but it was very clear that his main objective had been to
avoid me. "Nick, you're finally here, I was beginning to wonder where you were," Jenna's mother told him, approaching him and kissing him on the cheek. Nick barely managed a smile to return that gesture and, tense as he was, he began to turn the car key between his fingers. Jenna exchanged a strange look with him and I felt nauseous again. Damn, this was turning out to be hell.
As we went outside, we realized that there were too many of us to go in one car. There were Jenna's parents, Lion's mother-a woman with a frank smile that I really liked and had given me her special recipe for apple pie-Lion, Jenna, and Jenna's cousin, who couldn't have been any older. five years old and was the one who would wear the rings. And Nick, of course. There were eight
of them, and I could only pray that they wouldn't put me in the car with Nick, but to no avail: Jenna's parents and Lion's mother made a beeline for the Mercedes that was parked next to the other cars there. I noticed Jenna, who, hand in hand with her little cousin, approached me with a circumstantial face. "Jenna, don't even think about it," I said starting to get pissed off. Nicholas
had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be anywhere near me, so I wasn't going to get in a car with him, no, no way. My friend looked at me with guilt reflected on her face. "Nick's the only one with a pushchair...you know...because of Maddie, and I have to go with my parents..." Nicholas interrupted her, walking over to her at that moment. Ignoring me, she picked up little
Jeremy in her arms and flew him over his head, then caught him tight. "Ready to be my co-pilot, little boy" Jeremy chuckled in amusement. Nick put it on his hip and went to his car. Jenna returned my gaze biting her lip. I shook my head and walked past her to the driver's door of the Lexus. He had no idea what had happened to her 4x4, but he wasn't going to ask. I settled into the
front seat while Nick sat the boy behind us and played him a game on his phone. I tried to ignore how nervous I was feeling to finally be alone with him. His comment at the party had hit me like a leg and I was both curious and afraid to see how the next half hour would go. When she sat in his place, she began to manipulate some controls of the car and fixed the rearview mirror.
Immediately afterwards we went out onto the road. Soon the scent of his shaving lotion and his cologne filled the car completely and the attraction he had always felt in his presence was apparent once more. God, I had that man sitting next to me, the same man I had missed more than anyone in the world... I was dying to touch him, to kiss him, I needed his touch more than air to
breathe. I felt my whole body warm up, the simple movement of his hand on the gear lever made me nervous... His arms, his hand absently resting on the steering wheel and the other on that lever... Damn, why? it was so terribly attractive to see a man driving. I couldn't stand it and I rolled down the window to let the air in and wash away the trace of his fragrance, but as soon as I
rolled it down, he worked the controls and rolled it up again. I turned to look at him. "I'm hot," I said, speaking directly to him for the first time in almost a year. I pushed the button again to roll the window down again and instantly realized that I had already locked it. Without saying a word, he turned on the air conditioning, and the powerful cold air hit me full in the face. Okay, that
would bring my body temperature down, but the smell of him was still permeating every part of that car and I felt like I was getting dizzy. I squirmed restlessly on the leather seat, watching out of the corner of my eye as his gaze drifted away from the road to linger on my bare legs for a few seconds. I hadn't been overly mindful when it came to dressing, but the shorts I was wearing
left my legs bare and I didn't miss the way he gripped the steering wheel tightly a second after fixing his eyes forward. The sound of Jeremy's game accompanied us all the way and I knew that this was a unique opportunity to talk to him without fear that he would leave me stranded in the middle of the road. With the boy behind her, she was going to have to control his temper... and
his words. "Nicholas, I wanted to tell you..." "I'm not interested," he interrupted me as he turned at an intersection that led us to a huge lake. I took a deep breath with the clear intention of talking to him. "You can't keep ignoring me. -I do not do it. I looked at him unable to ignore the harsh tone with which he spoke to me. We hadn't done it for almost a year, I needed him to tell me
something, I needed to talk to him. "You can't keep hating me the way you do. A bitter laugh escaped from between his lips. -If I hated you, it would mean that I still feel something for you, Noah, so don't worry about it, it's not hate that I feel, but indifference. I looked at her profile trying to see any sign that what she was saying was a lie... I didn't detect any. "You say that because
you want to hurt me." -If I wanted to hurt you, I would have fucked someone else with you... Wait, that was you. That was a low blow, but I also couldn't deny that I didn't deserve it. "If we want to survive the next few days we should establish some kind of truce...I won't be able to go through with this if we can't even be in the same room together. I didn't know how to decipher
what was going through his head, I had never been able to do it, it was something complicated that I had only achieved at specific moments, moments when we shared intimacy, that intimacy that I had only come to share with him. "And what do you propose, Noah," he said, turning to me, letting me see the anger in his eyes. Shall we act like it's nothing? He I take your hand and
pretend that I love you? I was silent in response. «I pretend that I love you...» his words made my already hurt heart bleed a little more. There was a sudden silence behind us, and I turned to look at Jeremy to see the boy watching us with wide eyes. "How far to go?" he asked, half pouting. "Shit! No, please don't let him cry now. "Little, Jeremy, do you want me to put on some
music," Nicholas offered as he held out his hand and a rap song began to blare at full volume. The boy smiled amusedly and I looked back at him: it was clear who he was trying to silence with that.

CHAPTER 7 NICK

Noah had always been a drug to me, a bloody drug that drugged me with his mere presence. All of her was calling me closer, all of her was turning me into a fucking junkie, someone weak. It had cost me so much to separate from her, it had hurt me so much knowing that I was not going to touch her again, that I was not going to kiss her or take care of her again, that she was not
going to be the woman of my life... From pain I went to hate in a way that even scared me; because I had opened up to her, given my heart and soul and done exactly what I feared most, she had deceived me; so many times thinking about all the things that could go wrong and it never crossed my mind that Noah could let another guy touch her if he wanted to. He couldn't even
think about the fucking psychologist. It was thinking of his name and all of me went into a whirlwind of rage and uncontrollable madness. That guy had touched my girlfriend, he had undressed her... I think it was those images, that indelible reality, that had completely broken me. Never in all my life had I felt so bad, so sunk in misery... Such was the wall that formed around me, that
another new person appeared in my place. There was no longer room for anything but the basic feelings of a soulless man. What little capacity I still had for love was directed at my little sister, and that was the end of it. I had made sure so thoroughly that I would never have to see Noah again that this whole situation annoyed me. I was so furious with her...so pissed off...because
just looking at her had made me feel something again, had felt my heart race again and my breath hitch. She hated that sensation, she hated any sensation, I didn't feel anymore, I had gotten used to not feeling and now that she came and tortured me again made me want to drag her with me to my own hell. There she was, as fucking irresistible as always, so fucking tempting... and
on top of that she seemed to shrink in my presence, she looked at me without that brightness or superiority that always accompanied each of her words before. The Noah in front of her had also changed, it wasn't the same as hers, and she hated to feel sorry, she hated to see what had happened to us and she hated to blame her. When I stopped the car, he got out instantly. She
unbuckled the harness on Jeremy's chair, pulled it out, and then headed for the vineyard without waiting for me. She was wearing shorts and a simple yellow blouse and had already managed to disrupt and penetrate all my defenses. In the car, the smell of her fragrance, that smell so characteristic of her, that smell that I sometimes still dreamed of at night and that made me wake
up with a huge erection and the desire to kill someone... that fucking The smell was now in every corner of my car and, worst of all, most irritating, is that a part of me had enjoyed like an alcoholic taking a shot of brandy after years of abstinence; I hadn't even opened the windows, I hadn't even been able to avoid the succession of images that had gone through my head about the
things I would do to satisfy that need I had and would always have for her. I looked up at where my best friends were getting married and couldn't believe it was going to happen. I found out that Lion had proposed to Jenna a month after Noah and I broke up. My friend had kept the secret almost professionally, and a part of me was grateful. I was happy for them, but on the other
hand, it had been like pouring alcohol on my wounds. Corey Creek Vineyard was a beautiful place to get married, she had gone there many times to walk through the vineyards and buy good merlot. Jenna and her father had taken me with them, and I remembered riding horses through the fields and watching weddings taking place in the distance. One of the owners was a friend of
my father and Greg's, so we'd had certain liberties. Jenna didn't take long to tell us where we should go, first passing through a beautiful reception area, with high wooden beams and rugs made of animal skins that had surely been hunted by the owner himself. There were oil lamps and tall crystal chandeliers that hung over our heads in a somewhat intimidating way. Jenna had
attached herself to an Asian woman who seemed stressed; a few minutes later she was introduced to me as Amy, the wedding planner. When we went out to the back, where the vineyards were, I was certain that the wedding was going to be magnificent, like the ones I had seen in the distance, or even better. They had placed the altar of flowers just facing the immense vineyards
that stretched almost endlessly under the hot July sun. The benches and flowers weren't quite in place yet, but I was able to get an idea of how everything would look when it was finished. "The groomsmen," Amy asked, looking between us. Noah stepped forward, gave me a sidelong glance, paying attention to the organizer's words. A minute later he took my arm and indicated
where we should stand. The woman made a line of couples. The first to enter was Lion and his mother; then Jenna's mom would do it hand in hand with Jeremy, who seemed to want to do everything but pay attention to Amy; then us and, finally, Jenna with her father. I moved to stand next to Noah and tried my best to hide my bad mood. When Amy stepped in front of us, clearly
aware that we were the only ones barely brushing against each other, she frowned and scowled at us. "What the hell are you doing?" No fucking idea, babe, no fucking idea. I felt Noah's eyes on my face and I had to count to ten to keep from running off and fucking it all up.

CHAPTER 8 NOAH

It was as if I had leprosy, that was how Nicholas treated me. When Amy stared at us like we were idiots I swear I nearly died of embarrassment. "Noah, take her arm, come on," she said with a brisk wave of her hand. I turned my face towards him, afraid of what her reaction might be; he simply looked ahead and moving her arm motioned for me to do as they asked. I felt his hard
arm under mine and an electric current seemed to run through us both. I looked up and saw how he closed his eyes for the slightest moment. After that we couldn't stop long to analyze our feelings because Amy made us go back and forth about ten times, she demanded that we walk in formation, everyone starting on the right foot, not too slow and not too fast... The one who cares
the most The hardest thing to catch was little Jeremy who, when we repeated the parade for the third time, decided that doing that was boring him and that he wanted to go play. I was having a really bad time, Nicholas wasn't even looking at me; what's more, he pretended he didn't even exist, which tensed me up to such an extent that he even had numb arms. The rest, on the
other hand, laughed and talked and played dumb when Amy wasn't looking. Finally it got dark and we couldn't continue rehearsing. Amy wasn't too convinced, but at least it was pretty clear to Jenna and Lion what the plan was and what they had to do at all times. Jeremy had fallen into Morpheus's arms a while ago, so he was sound asleep in the passenger seat. behind the car, so
Nicholas and I were practically alone. Silence at first, as she didn't even bother to turn on the radio. The road was straight and the sky was as black as my thoughts. Being there together, in such a small space and with so many feelings on the surface, I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't bear his indifference, I needed him to know what I was still feeling, I didn't care that he couldn't see
me anymore, I didn't care that his love for me would have turned into something so ugly; I needed to do something. "Nick..." I said looking ahead. I knew he had heard me, though my voice had been the faintest whisper. -I'm in love with you. "Shut up, Noah," she ordered, letting the air out between her teeth. I turned with my heart in a fist. He continued to stare straight ahead, his
jaw so tense it made me fear what he might blurt out next, but I didn't let myself be deterred, I needed to tell him. "I'm still in love with you, Nicholas..." "I said shut up," he hissed, turning to me and glaring at me with all the anger in his glare. Do you think that I care what you feel for me? He continued totally beside himself. Your words are worthless, so you can save them. We're
going to have the shitty ceremony tomorrow and then we won't have to see each other again. She had been an idiot. What did he think was going to happen? What was he going to tell me he felt the same way? I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, but another and another followed almost immediately. He didn't love me anymore, Nicholas didn't love me
anymore; What's more, he wanted me to get out of his life completely, it didn't matter all the things we'd been through, it didn't matter how many times he had sworn to love me above all else, he had just made it very clear to me that ours was over forever. I know, we had been apart for ten months, but in those months we hadn't seen each other, we hadn't spoken and a part of
me refused to believe that our affair was over, a part of me had wanted to see him again to discover that he was still as in love with me as I am with him. And how wrong I was... During the rehearsal dinner I didn't talk to anyone. I sat next to Luca and he was in charge of speaking for both of us. As soon as I had the opportunity, I escaped to my room and finally I cried on the pillows, I
cried until I fell asleep with my mind playing a trick on me, because I couldn't help but remember every moment, every caress, every word said and also every mistake made. His distance hurt me so much that I felt as if my heart were bleeding, as if each tear that fell on the pillow was a drop of blood directly from my heart. The next morning I was exhausted and the worst of all was
that this was the day of the wedding, the day my smile had to be splendid, on which I had to put on my best face, I had to be the best godmother in history. and, furthermore, it had to last and last until night, something that, given the exhaustion I felt, seemed to me an almost impossible feat. I washed my face with cold water and looked at myself in the mirror. In doing so, I realized
how much had changed in all those months. My look, yes, my look was different, it was a lifeless look, a sad look. I wanted with all my strength to believe that I could get out of that, my psychologist had talked to me for hours, she had said countless times that what happened with Nicholas did not have to mark my future, that there were thousands of men in the world, that it was
young and pretty and anyone would fall in love with me, but just thinking about getting close to someone, just thinking about it made me shudder from head to toe. I just had to remember how things had ended the last time I was with another man, you only had to look at me now to know how dangerous it was to be involved with a guy other than Nicholas. I stared at the mirror and
forced myself to compose myself. I couldn't go on like this, there was only one day left, one day and I wouldn't see him again... When I felt that prick through my chest again, I glared at myself and forced myself to calm down. It's over, Noah, forget about him, forget about him and do it now...do it now or you'll never get over it. That little voice inside me haunted me all morning.
Luckily Nicholas was with Lion in the vineyard, as they would be getting dressed there. I was with Jenna at home, we would be the last to leave, not even her parents would go with us in the car. When Jenna was done, so stunning it took my breath away, I couldn't stop a tear from rolling down my face, thankful that the makeup artists who had done us that morning had applied
products that were resistant to water and any known agent capable of spoil the makeup. The red dress that had been made to measure fit me like a glove. It was that color because the entire room was going to be filled with red roses, just like the flowers that Jenna was holding in her hands. It was beautiful, silk and lace, floor length and open at one side, exposing my long leg. In
front it had a V-neckline and, from there, the upper part of my breasts and my arms were covered by a fine lace identical to the one Jenna wore in her white dress. Her dress was beautiful and it goes without saying that she has how incredible she suited her with her dark complexion and her perfect figure. Lion was going to hallucinate, she was sure and I told her so. Jenna looked at
me excited, she had tried with all my might not to make her realize how much she was suffering those days. She had dedicated all my efforts to take care of her, to support her and to make her feel calm. We had laughed, we had drunk champagne and I had listened carefully to each of her concerns trying to help her in the best way possible. Amy then walked into Jenna's room and
signaled to us that it was time to go. Even I was terribly nervous, but I tried not to show it. Hundreds of people were going to attend that wedding, among them very important people. Thinking about it, I realized that if this had been my wedding I would not have been able to bear having so many people watching me walk down the aisle; I had never stopped much to think about
what I would have liked to do the day I got married, but all that madness was clearly not. The white limousine was waiting for us at the gate, and I helped Jenna down the steps so she wouldn't trip. When we were well installed in the back of the vehicle, surrounded by tulle and lace, I couldn't help but laugh. "Who knew we would be here after seeing the slap you gave Lion that
night," I commented helplessly. Jenna joined in my laughter and she was so gorgeous I couldn't help but take a mental snapshot of that moment. That image, that image of the two of us laughing out loud, in a limousine, a little tipsy from the champagne and completely hysterical from nerves would never be forgotten. My friend, right then, was the spitting image of someone madly
in love and happy. When we arrived at the vineyard, the organizer told us where we had to go to leave directly at the point where they had installed the altar and where the guests were waiting. From where we were we could hear the murmur of the people, nervous, sure, just like us; when we saw Jenn's father approaching, even I could breathe a little easier. The presence of a
responsible adult, no matter how much we adolescents insisted on denying ourselves, was always reassuring at times like this. Mr. Tavish's smile lit up the room and he looked at his daughter in such a special way that I felt it hurt. the heart. Jenna gave her father a kiss on the cheek and clinging to her arm, they followed the organizer towards the doors through which they would exit
majestically. Of course, Nicholas and I had to go out first. I started looking for him with my eyes, but he was not in that room; I went to peek out the door and almost crashed into his chest. I raised my gaze and met his. Despite the pain I felt every time I saw him, this time the pain was accompanied by resentment, resentment and anger for what he had told me the night before. I
clung to that grudge to make it through the evening, or so I set out to do. He looked at me fixedly and fleetingly for a few moments, going through my figure. He looked very surprised when he met my eyes and looked at me with a frown. "We're out in two minutes," I said and turned to head for the door. I felt it behind me; What's more, I felt his eyes fixed on my back and on my
neck. He wore his hair in a high ponytail with a few curly strands falling down to the middle of my back. Knowing his tastes and even knowing that he hated me with all his might, I knew that the lace of that dress would be driving him crazy. No matter how many things happened between the two of us, we were never going to stop desiring each other; Just taking a look at his blue
suit, his gray tie, his white shirt and his incredible body and presence had wreaked havoc on my nerves...God! Why did he have to be so damn hot? Couldn't he have lost seventy pounds like I had? Couldn't he have lost his damned air of superiority, couldn't he have puffy-eyed crying like me, instead of those incredible light blue eyes that only seemed to be made to make any damn
girl tremble When I got to the living room I saw the organizer helping Jenna with the dress and her assistant giving orders to those of us who had to leave in a few minutes. The music began to play on the other side of the door and then I felt a large hand placed on the small of my back, too low I would say. Before I could say anything, Amy motioned for us to go first, and Nicholas
gently pushed me until we were both in front of the closed door. I took a deep breath trying to calm down. "Take my arm, Noah," Nicholas asked me, and I swear to God his voice, just whispering my name, gave me chills. It had been so long since I'd heard him say it... I did what I had to and wrapped my arm around his, allowing me to feel his muscles tense. Together we waited for
the wedding music to start. When he did, we walked down the aisle in what was to be our last performance as a couple. The ceremony was beautiful, Lion almost cried when he saw Jenna and I couldn't help but cry too. Damn, why did she have to be such a maudlin My friends read the vows, said "I do" to each other, and with a few simple words they were bonded for life. When they
leaned in for an incredible kiss that made more than one guest blush I couldn't help but look at Nicholas and to my surprise he was doing the same. We held our gazes and immersed ourselves in those magical moments in which everything around you seems to disappear and only the person in front of you matters. Was tonight going to be the last night we'd see each other? I finally
looked away, because the intensity with which his eyes locked on mine had made my legs shake. We had to go out behind the couple and, that time, when I linked my arm with his, I was also afraid that this would be my last physical contact with him, a simple contact where we didn't even really touch each other, but that journey was going to be the last thing he was going to do in
his company. It hurt so much that when we walked through the gates I almost immediately let go and headed the other way. I needed to calm down, yes, and fast.

CHAPTER 9 NICK

I watched her leave with a knot in my stomach. I hadn't been able to take my eyes off her the entire ceremony, hadn't even realized they'd said "I do" to each other until the applause snapped me out of my reverie. Fuck... why did she have to be so unbelievably beautiful, why did she have to drive me crazy in such an unbearable way. Her hands had itched with the urge to touch her,
and knowing that she couldn't, wouldn't, had put me in a terrible mood. Seeing her stop in front of the room where everyone was getting ready to go out, with that dress that hugged her figure in a spectacular way with the damn lace marking each of her curves, my hand had almost acted on its own and when I touched her, laying it on the small of his back had made me feel alive
again after ten bloody months. I couldn't wait for all that paripé that we were both carrying out to end, I needed to leave, return to my life, where everything was under control. Noah had always turned my world upside down, turning it upside down and making me a man totally at his mercy. And that would not happen again. When he turned away from me when we got to the living
room, I was internally grateful. She couldn't stand having her near her. The party was not long in beginning. On the other side of the vineyard they had set up an impressive white tent, with tables dressed in white and thousands of red roses everywhere. It was clear which Jenna's favorite flower was and seeing her and Lion talking to the guests couldn't help but feel a pang of envy.
Many couples joined them in the main room as the waiters moved among the guests to offer us canapés and cold glasses of pink champagne. Soon we would go to the dinner room and I, like an idiot, could only look for Noah. He was nowhere to be found. Fuck, she's none of your business anymore, forget her. Paying attention to my inner voice, I ran into a dark-haired girl with big
green eyes who soon began to take out all her weapons to try to seduce me. I barely paid attention to her and when she said that we already knew each other I had to focus my gaze on her so as not to be rude. "I'm sorry... I don't remember," I said without making much of an effort to recognize her either. The girl moved closer to me, invading my personal space and impregnating
me with her expensive perfume and too strong for my taste. "Come on now, don't play dumb...it was one of the best nights of my life," she said and I cursed inwardly, remembering that she'd thrown me off about a month ago. I had no idea what her name was and I was about to say goodbye to her without caring to be rude when I finally saw her, on the other side of the room,
hanging from Luca's arm and smiling as only she knew how to. Jealousy, so dormant for a long time, awoke with the force of a hungry lion and I had to exhale slowly so as not to lose control of myself. This wasn't the first time this had happened to me since I'd come to the Hamptons; What's more, when I realized that it had been Noah the girl who had been working out with that guy
on the road, I went into such a fit of madness that I spent two hours punching a punching bag in the spa at the Hilton before to feel ready to go to the Tavish house. Steve had given me the scolding of the century, making it clear to me that he couldn't make any show, couldn't fight anyone, that he had to be, in short, a saint. Since he was the owner of a company he could not allow
me to cause any scandal and even less because of jealousy. For this reason he had kept me away from everyone, only working and dealing with economists, bankers and investors, and only occasionally bringing a woman home, all in order to keep my problems at bay. Some problems that could be summed up with a simple word: Noah. "You really don't remember me," the dark-
haired girl insisted, catching my attention again. Noah was still with Luca and his hand had landed on his back. He needed a distraction, now. "Of course I remember," I stated, taking her arm and moving her strategically so that I could talk to her and control Noah at the same time. Just then, as if she knew he was watching her, she raised her head and looked at me. I smiled like the
jerk that I was and shifted my eyes to the brunette. "Do you want to dance?" I asked, glancing back at Noah, who now seemed to focus only on Luca. He had pulled he away from her into a corner and she was laughing in that way that I knew was out of simple commitment. I put my hands on the girl's waist and tried to focus on her, which was difficult with Noah hanging around. Now
that he had her closer to her, he could remember where we'd met: in one of the downtown clubs, he'd banged me in one of the private booths, it had been quick and cold. Annoyed, I ran my hand up the girl's back until I placed it on the nape of her neck. "Do you want to go upstairs," the girl whispered tome. "Above." The offer was tempting, but the problem was that I felt
absolutely nothing for her, compared to what Noah aroused in me: a simple touch of his hand a few hours ago had given me an erection that I had barely been able to hide, and that girl... That girl was the opposite of her, the opposite in every way. "Not now, maybe later," I replied, stopping at the end of the song. Right then they told us that we could stop by for dinner. Luckily I
wasn't sitting at the same table as the brunette, although they had placed me at the newlyweds' table, with Jenna's parents, Lion's mother, Noah, and Luca. She barely glanced my way as we all sat down and the first course was brought out. In fact, she spent the whole dinner talking and laughing with Luca and with the others, she acted as if she didn't know me, as if I didn't exist.
Since I had seen her on my arrival two days before, whenever she turned to me I found her looking at me; whenever we were together she seemed to want to approach me; What's more, she had done it, she had done it and I almost lost her papers when she said that she was still in love with me. "In love? What a shit!" My glass crashed loudly against the table and almost everyone
in the room stopped their conversation to watch me. I excused myself and got up to go to the bathroom. Why was it suddenly bothering me that Noah wasn't looking out for me? I'd hated feeling his eyes haunting me, hated seeing the regret in his eyes, the pain he felt...had hated feeling guilty when I hadn't had the nothing and now he was pissed off, pissed off because he seemed
to be testing me to see what the hell I would do about it. He only knew one thing: he had better be careful.

CHAPTER 10 NOAH

I had tried to stay away from him, with all my strength I had forced myself not to peek at him. Luca had been a great help to me: I had found myself away from everyone after the ceremony - I had had a moment of breakdown, I had needed a few minutes alone to recover - and he had held out his hand, helped me up and said something absurd that had made me smile. Who would
have thought that Lion's badass brother was going to be so funny. He had promised me that he would not leave me alone that night, he had laughed at me, saying that I looked like Nicholas's lapdog, looking at him all the time with doe-eyed eyes. slaughtered lamb. I wasn't like that, and if Luca had noticed she was sure Nicholas had, too. I wasn't going to make him feel
uncomfortable, I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, no one really. So we had made a deal: Luca was going to be my lifeline that night, we were going to be together because that way I could avoid any temptation to break down, break down, or beg Nicholas to forgive me, which had crossed my mind numerous times. times since we met again. When I saw how he danced with that
girl, how he flirted with her, it had felt as if my heart had been seized and squeezed until it bled. And if I felt that way because of a simple dance, I couldn't help but think about how he must have felt when he found out that he had slept with someone else. I wasn't stupid, it was clear that Nicholas hadn't become a monk after breaking up with me; what's more, she was sure that the
list of girls he should have slept with was endless. Luca had seen me watching him and scolded me by pinching me on the hip. From there I had lost sight of him, I had only focused on the people he had right in front of him. Of course, it had been more difficult when we were all seated at the same table. From time to time my eyes had strayed to him, and each time I did, I received a
pinch under the table. The last one he gave me on the hip, which made me laugh at the tickling I felt. It was then that Nicholas nearly broke his glass by slamming it down on the table. He got up and disappeared in the direction of the restrooms. "He' jealous," Luca declared, eyeing Nick grudgingly. Jealous? "He's not...he just can't stand me around him," I replied depressed; then I
took a sip from my glass of champagne. Nicholas appeared next with a girl hanging from his arm. People had begun to get up from the tables, as the music was already playing and inviting them to dance. The couple opened the first dance and soon after the atmosphere was completely transformed: the lights changed, the floor was filled with people moving their skeletons and most
of them holding highly alcoholic cocktails in their hands. Luca pulled me out to dance and I was glad I could get away from Nicholas without having to watch him practically grope the brunette under the table. God, I was disgusted, disgusted, and totally jealous. We started dancing as friends. Luca was behaving, at no time had he insinuated on me or anything like that. At one point we
joined Lion and Jenna, and the four of us started dancing together on the floor, laughing and having a great time; It was truly the best yet. Nicholas was away from me at the time, doing God knows what with that girl, and even though she boiled my blood, the glasses I had drunk helped make everything more bearable. What happened next... I have to admit it was my fault. At one
point I turned around on the dance floor and I saw him... I saw him kissing the neck of the girl who was sitting on his lap, and that wasn't the worst: he looked at me as he did so, his lips on the brunette's neck. and his eyes locked on mine. She smiled and suddenly I stopped dancing. And what I did... Damn, was I ever going to learn? Luca came up to me aware of where my eyes were,
went to say something to me, put it against my ear so I could hear it over the thunderous sound of the music... and then the old Noah took over my being, everything I had learned during those months, all the sessions at the psychologist, all my regrets went to waste because I grabbed Luca by the neck, pulled him down and I pressed my lips against his. The weirdest thing was that
he didn't push me away at all; What's more, I felt his tongue enter my mouth and his hand on my back, pulling me towards him. What was he doing? I didn't have much time to think about it because suddenly someone yanked him back and the next thing I know, Luca was on the floor with his lip split and bloody. I raised my eyes to see a completely deranged Nicholas. He looked at
Luca, shaking his hand in pain, and then at me. I felt a chill when I saw his look hurt from him... and terribly furious. He clamped his jaw shut and turned his back on me. Soon after, Luca started to get up-or rather, those around us helped him-and I watched as Nick walked off in the opposite direction of the party. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me, perhaps the high
alcohol content of that exclusive champagne had dangerously impaired my judgment, but I went after him, of course I went after him, and not to apologize. He had gone to the part where the ceremony had taken place, where the chairs were still perfectly placed, just like the flowers. The area was now deserted and the deafening sound of the party reached her. "Where are you
going, Nicholas?" I asked him at the top of my voice. I half wobbled going down the stairs. And he turned red faced with anger to discover that he had followed him. "You have no right to do what you've done!" I bellowed now furious. Okay, yeah, she was crazy and half drunk... also pissed off and all of that together wasn't a good combination. I walked towards him, who seemed to
be calibrating very seriously what to do with me... God, it was even scary!, but I didn't get intimidated, quite the opposite. The jealousy he had just had proved something, it was clear... he couldn't have forgotten me, I refused to believe it, and if I had to face his anger as long as he confessed it, I would. I pushed him when I got next to him. -You're a liar! -I yelled. My fists moved
again, this time to hit his chest with all my might. You're a fucking fucking liar, Nicholas! At first he hardly flinched, but a few seconds later I watched his chest rise and fall. He only let me hit him two more times, until his hands flew up and caught my fists. That contact turned me on more than anything else. "You say you've forgotten me? Isn't that what your actions show?" You said
nothing could tear us apart! He looked at me in disbelief. -You're the one who broke all her fucking promises, the one who decided to kill everything, damn it! You are worthless, Noah, to me you are worthless. His words from him stopped my assault, left me stunned and my stomach knotted. I swallowed to clear my throat. My eyes searched for his and I looked at him strangely, I
wasn't able to see him well, I couldn't see him well, he was blurry... it took me longer than expected to realize that I couldn't see him clearly because tears flooded my eyes. "How can you say that," I said, and my voice cracked twice. Nicholas watched me. Standing there in front of me, he looked just as crazy, just as miserable as I... As it was, how could he have blurted those words
out to me... to me. "Because it's the fucking truth." He turned away from me, nonchalant, and he started to walk away from me. "Because it's the fucking truth." She turned her back on me, nonchalant, and she started to walk away from me. "I made a bloody mistake, Nicholas!" I yelled at him, but he kept walking. Your crazy ex-girlfriend made me believe you cheated on me! You
got involved with Sophia right under my nose, and I'm the one who took it all down! You took our thing! You forced me to make the worst mistake of my life! You made them use me, use me as if I... as if I...! I couldn't keep talking, the sobs didn't leave me. Damn, I was so pissed off, so broken inside... However, what I was saying really meant it: if it hadn't been for his lies I would
never have found myself in the position of going to someone who took advantage of my weakness, he took advantage of what I had told him in confidence. When I looked up, there she was, right in front of me, she had walked back. He glared at me, a rage so pure, so terrifyingly terrifying that I nearly took a step back in shock, but then he did the last thing I expected: his hand circled
my waist and his lips crashed against mine. . For a moment I thought I was having a nightmare, one of the ones that lately had plagued me when I fell asleep, in which I was with Nicholas as before, we were happy, we kissed, and a second later he was gone and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was running, running after him, but my legs weren't moving fast enough. But that wasn't a
dream, it wasn't at all. His arm lifted me off the ground, pressing my breasts against his torso impossibly hard and his hungry tongue plunged into my mouth. It took me a few seconds to assimilate what was happening, but my entire body seemed to ignite at the contact. My arms wrapped around his neck tightly, pulling him to me. God, how she needed that contact! It was as if all
the energy in my body returned to him after leaving me for months. His other arm grabbed me from behind him, lifting me off the ground and his tongue caressed mine voraciously, eagerly. I grabbed his hair tightly, but it wasn't like before: it was short, too short to pull, as I liked to do. Breathing hard, he moved his hand up my back until it reached the nape of my neck and there he
remained perched while his mouth separated from mine and he stared at me... His pupils were dilated, dilated by excitement, by desire, the pure carnal desire that he thought he would never experience again. We stared into his eyes, I wanted to tell him so many things... But then something changed... something crossed his mind, something came back to torment him and I knew
he was losing him again. Desperate, I pulled his neck towards me and put my lips on his again, only now I didn't get the same response. I felt his arms go slack and then he lowered me to the ground. I panicked, panicked that he would leave, panicked that he would leave me again. Tears welled up again, I pulled my mouth away from his and buried his face in his neck. With my arms
around it I refused to let go, refused to let go. "I can't do this, Noah," Nicholas stated clearly, though his voice seemed drowned out by his feelings. "No," I denied holding onto him tightly. My tears would be staining his shirt, but I didn't care, he couldn't let her go, he needed him, and he needed me, we had to be together. Immediately afterwards, his hands left my waist and went up
to my wrists. They pushed until they released my grip. He held my hands in front of him and looked into my face. "Don't leave me," I pleaded plaintively. I was begging, I know, but tomorrow he would leave and I would never see him again, and that feeling was killing me inside. "When I close my eyes I see you with him," she confessed, swallowing saliva. His eyes seemed to falter
before mine, which begged him to stay, to love me, to protect me again. "I don't even remember, Nicholas," I said, refusing to let go. It was true, I couldn't remember what had happened that night: I knew we had slept, but I hadn't been part of the act, he had simply left me because I didn't have the strength to say no... nothing mattered to me at that time, because my life had
turned into hell. I saw his eyes get wet and I felt like I was dying. -I can not do it, im sorry. And he released me. She turned and walked away, leaving me there... Jenna soon found out what had happened on the floor and found me two hours later sitting in one of the ceremony chairs, hugging my legs and trying to pull myself together. . That kiss, her words...hadn't done me any good.
I felt her arms around her without even realizing it and I felt even more guilty knowing that I was spoiling her special day. "I'm sorry, Jenna," I apologized, trying to stop crying. "I'm really sorry, Noah, this was all my fault," she told me, and I looked at her blankly. All this situation, that you were the godparents and that I put both of you in the same car, I have even put you to sleep
door to door. My friend looked at me with a sad face and even so she was still spectacular. I wanted to give you another chance, I thought... I thought that if I pushed things a bit... "We kissed," I confessed, aware that despite that kiss, that last kiss, things between us weren't going to get better, for A lot of effort that Jenna put in. Jenna looked surprised and confused. She looked
around her, as if wanting to understand what had happened, why Nick wasn't with me. "Ours is over, Jenn," I said, and had to put my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. God, how pathetic she was...but, damn it, how it hurt...how it hurt to have lost him! Jenna hugged me again and I let her comfort me. There we were both: she on the happiest day of her life and I sunk in
misery. Jenna's eyes locked with mine again, and I saw a certain determination. "I shouldn't tell you this, Noah, I really shouldn't, but I know Nick, I've seen a completely happy person during the months that he was with you. Regardless of the problems you had, I've never been so focused, so... how shall I say, so normal. His whole life has been shit, I have seen him cry as a child when
his mother left, I saw him cry for months, until later he hardened and created that armor that he now wears so proudly everywhere, he became someone unbreakable. .. You managed to penetrate her... I'm not saying it's going to be easy, Noah, but damn, she's the love of your life! I want my best friends to be as happy as I am right at this moment, I need, what's more, I ask you,
Noah, I ask you not to let him go, no matter how many things he tells you, no matter how many times he claims not to love you or that it is impossible for him to forgive you... There has to be some way. I got up from the chair and looked at her. A sad smile touched my lips. "I know you want to believe what you're saying, Jenn... me too," I declared, looking towards the place where he
had disappeared, "but I broke his heart... I thought he had cheated on me and I thought I would die, I really did." Yeah, so I know how it feels... He's not going to forgive me, he never will. Jenna went to say something to me, but she closed her mouth again, I think for the first time she had run out of words. I walked over to her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. -Enjoy this day.
After that I tried by all means to go back to being the girl she had been all week. I refused to leave Lion and Jenna without her two best friends, so I stayed at the party as long as I needed to. I forced myself to dance and enjoy everything around me. At one point I came face to face with Luca. His green eyes regarded me warily, but with no hint of rancor for having literally used him to
make Nicholas jealous. "I'm sorry," I apologized heartily, hoping my words would be enough to earn his forgiveness. She had behaved like a complete jerk to me, like the immature child I had sworn to leave behind, and if she had given Lion's brother false hope she was deeply sorry. "Not me," he said, then grabbed my hand and pulled me against his chest. Take it easy," he said
before he could scurry away or panic at whatever he might come to believe was going on between the two of us. I don't care that he uses me to make that idiot jealous, the truth is that you use me to do exactly the same. Spinning me around, forcing me to press my back against his chest and moving to the music, he moved closer to my ear so I could hear him clearly. Do you see that
girl over there?" he asked, surreptitiously raising his finger to a small group of girls by the bar. I nodded amused, suddenly understanding what she wanted to tell me. The blonde who is there watching us as if she doesn't care what I'm doing with you - he indicated turning me around again and shamelessly placing his hands on the lower part of my back almost brushing my butt, for
which I glared at him -. We went to bed about a month ago; Actually, we've been fucking for as long as I can remember or something else to be exact, you know what I mean..." I rolled my eyes. I had lost contact with her when I went to jail and we met again at one of my neighborhood parties. She is the daughter of my mother's best friend and I want her to go completely crazy when
she sees how I grope you like I'm about to. I laughed and gave him a push. Luca reacted by putting his hand to his heart as if he had been deeply hurt. Then, slowly, he pulled me closer and whispered something in my ear, in an entirely different tone. "Don't drag yourself, Noah," he said, then fixed his eyes on me. What you did was wrong, but we all make mistakes. Not that Luca's
advice was anything like a revelation to me, but he did make me realize that everyone had realized how pathetic she had been those days whenever Nicholas had been around. I couldn't do much more and, despite knowing that I had made a serious mistake, the most difficult to forgive, I also knew that not everything had been my fault: the lies, our pasts and the intensity of our
relationship had led us, almost by force, to a point of no return. I continued dancing with Luca and also with the others until it was time for the bride and groom to leave, since they had already complied with two rituals of rigor at a wedding: they had cut the cake, which I barely touched, and Jenna had also thrown the bouquet. . In this regard I must clarify that he actually did not do
it, since after several seconds making us believe that he would throw it away, he turned and approached me with a smile on his lips. Without understanding anything and almost by reflex action I accepted the bouquet when he offered it to me. "This so you know that I still trust that your day will come, Noah, and it will come with the person you and I know." I felt a knot in my
stomach and I didn't know what to say. I admired his determination, his hope, but his gesture only managed to plunge me further into my sadness. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore, surrounded by all these people, so when Jenna kissed me on the cheek and ran with Lion towards the limousine that would take them to a luxury hotel to go to their heavenly honeymoon the next
day, Honey, I got into one of the many chauffeured cars that were available to guests and asked him to please drive me home. I needed to end that night.

CHAPTER 11 NICK

I knew I had screwed up by kissing her the night before, but I couldn't help it, she was there, yelling at me, blaming me! She had called me a liar, a liar? I didn't even understand what the hell she had meant about her, but it had been either kiss her or lose my temper completely. Seeing Luca's disgusting hands on her body, her lips on her... Noah had decided to put an end to what
little self-control he thought I still had left. Seeing her with someone else had made me relive all those images that he had managed to almost eliminate from my brain. It was clear that now that he had seen her again after so long everything had gone back to the beginning, it had been like that damn night when I discovered that he had cheated on me. Feeling her slender, precious
and much thinner body than she remembered against me had made me go crazy for a few moments. My senses had collapsed, for a few seconds I was the same as before, I was again that boy totally in love and madly lost for that girl. When I pulled her away to look at her, to fill myself with that light that she always gave off, I saw the same thing in her eyes, I saw the same longing,
the same contained desire, that desire that attracted us, but I also saw something else: I saw regret, I saw despair, I saw nostalgia... and as if a knife had been plunged into my heart and twisted, I felt again the same suffering that I felt when I found out the truth. The images... the damned images with which my imagination tortured me were projected again like a movie in my brain.
Noah naked, in bed, sighing with pleasure, in that sensual way, in that innocent and full way; those sounds that he released through his lips, those sounds that drove me crazy, that brought me to my knees. Those sensual sounds, however, were not caused by me, they were caused by another; some hands caressed his body, not slowly and seeking his pleasure, but abruptly: they
fondled her without the care, without the love that I put into each of my caresses. But Noah liked them, he enjoyed them, because it wasn't my name he was shouting... At those moments I felt as if a jug of ice water had fallen on my body and I had to push her away from me even though she was He clung with all his might to my neck, refusing to let go. Maybe she thought she
wasn't going to be able to push me away, but she had and I didn't regret it. And now, after not sleeping all night, I was having one of those weak episodes again, those episodes where I wanted to fuck it all, forget about everything, go to his fucking room and beg him to finish what we started. I knew it was time to go. I packed my suitcase, left my room in silence, and like the
complete idiot that I am, I couldn't help but stop briefly at the door of Noah's room. I closed my eyes for a second, pissed off knowing that he was only a few meters away from me, that he had surely spent the night crying over our meeting and that there was nothing we could do to fix it. When I had strength, I left. I put my scant luggage in the trunk and with the contents of a bottle
of water that I found in it I wet my face to clear it, since I had barely slept a wink: after leaving the party, I had taken my board and gone to the Georgica beach, where I had surfed non-stop for hours, trying to calm down, trying to make sense of all those reasons that supposedly kept me away from Noah, all those reasons that kissing her had seemed to disappear. I surfed on that
beach until it began to dawn. So I decided to go back, take a shower and call off that trip.

CHAPTER 12 NOAH

I did not hear him leave, but I did feel his absence. She's done, it was over, now I just had to go back to the same routine as always. I said goodbye to all the guests who were still in the house, ready to spend a couple more days in it. Jenna's mother gave me a hug, and Jenna's father offered to drive me to the station, where he would catch the train to New York. During the trip he
asked me what my plans were for the summer and I told him that apart from the days I was going to spend in that city, I would spend the rest of the summer working. I didn't want to explain too much about my job, since I was talking to an oil magnate who most likely wouldn't even understand why the hell she was working as a waitress if she was the stepdaughter of her millionaire
best friend. However, he was very discreet and I appreciated it. "Where are you going to stay these days, Noah?" he asked me as he crossed those beautiful streets. It was early, but there were already people in them: some walking their dogs, others walking and carrying large bags of exclusive brands... almost all of them wore sunglasses. I was sorry to have to leave that area without
having been able to get to know it sufficiently, I hadn't had time with all the hassle of the wedding. I looked at Jenna's father and told him the name of the motel he had booked in New York. I didn't care that it was a seedy place, I was hardly going to spend any time there, I just needed it to sleep and shower. The rest of my time I planned to spend discovering that great city. Jenna's
father gave me a slightly puzzled look when I told him the name of the motel, it didn't even sound familiar to him, which wasn't strange considering that he had two properties in that city not counting the house in the Hamptons. I had an embarrassing moment when he insisted on renting me a hotel room downtown, the Hilton, no less. I thanked him for his offer, but I didn't need
anyone's handouts. Those people, the people who had plenty of money, believed that those of us who did not enjoy those luxuries were unhappy, and it was not true. I didn't mind staying in a motel... oh my gosh, it wasn't that bad either! -Noah, this is not to intrude, but New York is not Los Angeles, this city can be dangerous and much more so if you go alone and without knowing
it. He kept insisting until we got to the train station. "Mr. Tavish, there's no need, I can take care of myself, I'll be fine, really... Besides, I won't be alone, I'm going to meet a friend, so you don't have to worry." "Okay, that was a little fib, but totally harmless. My friend's father did not seem at all convinced; what's more, he seemed upset and really worried, not like he was my father.
"Well, you have my number if you need anything. I'll be in the Hamptons this week, but I have a lot of friends in New York, friends who would be willing to come with you if necessary. Friends... well, of course, I already knew what these people meant when they talked about "friends." You just had to see Steve and his role in the lives of the Leisters. I didn't need a bodyguard, thank
you. I kindly said good-bye to him and hurried to enter the station, in case he called my mother or something similar... I was expecting anything. I got on the carriage, handed my train ticket to a rather nice lady and settled into my seat, looking out the window and wishing I could get to that magnificent city. I tried to forget when Nick had promised me a long time ago that he would
be the one to take me to New York, that he would be the one to show me around that great metropolis. Almost a lifetime had passed since then, or at least it seemed so to me. When we got to the destination, the first thing I did when I got off the train was to take a taxi to the motel where I had reserved a room. As we drove through the city I was stunned by what I saw through the
window. The impressive skyscrapers seemed endless and there were so many people in the streets that one felt like a little ant, a grain of sand... It was spectacular, spectacular, but at the same time overwhelming. When the taxi driver turned into a little dark street, and it was four in the afternoon, I got a little embarrassed. However, it was not responding to any bad intention: it was
the motel that, although it was not creepy, had nothing to do with the photo that I had seen on the website. The taxi driver put my suitcase down for me, I gave him a measly tip and he went back the way he had come, leaving me there, lost in the Big Apple. I took a deep breath and entered the establishment, which looked more like a home for the homeless than a motel. The girl
behind the counter barely looked up from her magazine as I stepped in front of her, dragging my suitcase. "Name," she said, chewing gum loudly and disgustingly. I have always hated gum. Noah Morgan. I have a reservation," I answered, looking around me. Determined: this was not a motel, but a rather battered building where they

reserved rooms. Sighing, she opened a drawer and pulled out a key from a pile. -Take it and take care of it because there is only one. Breakfast consists of whatever you want to get out of those vending machines; lunch and dinner are on your own. I nodded, trying not to let my first few hours in New York get me down. Let's see, I just needed a bed. Also, when I passed the vending
machines I saw that they had Oreo cookies... What more could I ask for? I left my suitcase in the tiny room that I had been assigned and went out for a walk. I left the claustrophobic and dark street where the motel was and began to walk through the city. I found out that a few streets over, just as the website said, was Central Park. I don't know how to explain what that place is like, I
had been walking for just ten minutes and I already wanted to go live there. It was hot, and people were lying on the grass sunbathing, the children were playing with the ball, others with their dogs... Also, there were many runners and others who practiced other types of exercise. The environment was incredible, nature in the middle of a city full of pollution and traffic jams. I
approached the lake, there were ducks plying its waters, which many fed. For a second I raised my head towards the blue sky of July and let myself be carried away by that sensation of being alone, of being alone, but happy, in the middle of a place where nobody knew me, neither me nor my story, where neither Nicholas neither my mother nor William nor the people who had
judged me for our break up could look at me with pity or anger. It had been horrible, the news had spread like wildfire across the college campus, where Nick was a legend. We had become the couple that everyone admired, looked askance at, and I would have been the one to screw up all the way... well, people can be very cruel. I spent the rest of the afternoon there in the park,
read, bought a hot dog, and walked around. Anyone could think that I was crazy, that with all the places that there were to know, why did I stay there without becoming a tourist? I did it because sometimes it's good to take time to just be, to just be one among many, and at that moment all I wanted to do was that, I wanted peace... peace and tranquility. It didn't last long though. I
almost had a heart attack when I turned the corner into the little street where the motel was, and saw a tall man in a suit appear, appearing almost from the shadows. I was about to run, but then I recognized who he was and put a hand over my heart, trying to recover from the shock. "Fuck, Steve!" I blurted out without even regretting the taco. What the hell was he doing there?
"Noah," he said just giving me a dirty look. He put his hand around my arm and almost forced me into the motel. Take your things, please. I frowned as she led me to my door, we walked past the receptionist, who seemed to be freaking out just like me. I managed to recover from my stupor and jerk free to face him. "What are you up to, Steve?" I blurted out, noticing the anger
growing inside me. Why have you come? "Nicholas told me for him to pick you up, this place is dangerous." Steve responded like what he was, a practical man of few words. Master Leister commanded and his lackeys obeyed. How lucky that I no longer belonged to that stupid circle! "I'm not going anywhere," I replied, walking past him and opening my bedroom door. What was he
going to do? Leave Steve there and slam the door in his face. It wasn't his fault he worked for an idiot. -Noah, forget about Nicholas, you shouldn't go alone in New York and even less in this area, it's dangerous. Just let me take you to a place where you're not in any danger. God, it was absurd! "But how did you find me?" I couldn't help but scream. I turned my back on him and put
my hands to my head. The window next to the bed looked out onto a cul-de-sac, complete with fire escapes. From there he could see the garbage cans and some people smoking in a corner. I have to admit that it didn't look very good and I had even seriously considered spending my last savings on a little more decent accommodation, but it annoyed me that they forced me to do it
and much more Nicholas. He had lost all right to care about me and now he was coming at me with these "What exactly has Nicholas told you to do?" I asked, turning to him. Steve returned my gaze unfazed. - He told me to get you out of this joint and take you to a proper hotel. That he would take me... In other words, he was sending Steve and he wasn't even thinking of showing
his face. Well, nothing of that. "I want to talk to him," I demanded, crossing my arms. Steve looked at me doubtfully. -Today he has a date after work, he has a reservation for dinner... I felt a prick in my heart and my sane self almost kicked me in the shin. "What did you think, idiot, that he had become a monk or what?" "What time did he meet?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from
shaking. Steve sighed. "In half an hour," he replied. "Then call him on his mobile." It's not going to take me. Steve held my gaze for a few seconds and nodded. Before making the call, however, he took my unpacked suitcase and walked me out to the street, where the car was parked. He opened the door for me to get in and once he was settled in the driver's seat, he dialed Nick's
number hands-free. "Nicholas, Noah wants to talk to you," he announced when Nick's voice answered. "I don't want to talk to her," his voice declared after a second. I removed the speakerphone and put Steve's phone to my ear. "You don't say my name anymore," I reproached him without being able to restrain myself. "Only if it's strictly necessary," he answered. I knew I could
hang up at any moment, so I tried to calm down, but I couldn't help but blurt out what I said next: -You don't say my name, but you send Steve to take me to a proper hotel... Explain that to me, Nicholas, because I swear I'm so confused. It seemed to me that my words affected him in a certain way, because I heard him sigh against the phone. "Greg called me to inform me that he
had been worried when he found out where you planned to stay for the next few days," he commented casually. Damn Greg Tavish! He couldn't get into his business. He wasn't my father. "Did you do it for Greg, then?" I asked, and even I heard the disappointment in my voice. "Stop it, Noah," he said, and I heard the change in his voice, how it filled with anger. You have a
reservation at the Hilton in your name, do you want to use it? Great! Don't you want to I give a shit. I didn't have time to say anything else because he hung up. Steve watched me silently, expectantly, waiting to see what he decided. He wasn't going to do what Nick asked. He had kissed me and then left without saying anything. Now he was bothering to rent me a hotel room... and I
wasn't supposed to do anything about it. He could pretend whatever he wanted, he could tell me that he didn't care what I did or didn't do anymore... but I did. I knew: it was Nicholas, strength was going out of his mouth. At that moment I made a risky decision. "Take me to his house." Steve didn't seem too keen on the idea, but I told him he was either taking me or I wasn't going to
move. Knowing that he was putting him between a rock and a hard place made me feel a little guilty, but I didn't give in one bit: that was going to be the only way to make me leave this motel. I took advantage of the walk to look out the window. Although I didn't like to admit it, riding in the car with Steve made me feel safe, protected if you will. I had to admit that coming to a city
like New York by yourself and with no one to share the experience with was pretty depressing and also a bit scary. "We're getting there," Steve informed me after a while. I started to get nervous and more when we stopped next to an incredible building, tall like many and with impressive views of the Upper East Side. The river was to my right, and a little further on the treetops of
Central Park were clearly visible. It had taken us just over half an hour and I figured that part of the park had to be the one on the opposite side of the park that I had visited that morning. I started playing with my hair. What was I going to tell him? It's not really that the words made me nervous, but knowing what his life was like now, seeing him in this environment, seeing him being
the Nicholas Leister living alone in an apartment in the middle of New York City, the Lawyer and businessman in its purest form... I had not known that facet of him, I had met the Nick who went out to parties, the Nick who hugged me, the one who reached into the most remote places, the one who risked his neck street racing and getting into fights to make money... The Nick who
was in love, the Nick who adored me and would die if he went more than twenty-four hours without hearing from me, talking to me, or seeing me. Where was this Nick now Steve pulled into the parking lot of that imposing building and I began to feel my nerves take over. "Is he home?" I asked after getting out of the car as he followed him to the elevator. -No. I took a deep breath
and watched as Steve punched in a code next to the other buttons on the floors. I was astonished to see that there were 62... -My goodness, 52 floors...- and the code was for the penthouse. The elevator ride seemed supersonic to me and when the door ding resounded in the cabin, breaking the silence that had installed between the two of us, I couldn't help but be startled. The
doors opened and led directly into a fairly large hall with a mirror that stared back at me. I have to say that it was hard for me to recognize myself in that reflection, she seemed really attacked, so I hastened to change my expression: I couldn't appear nervous, I had to appear sure of myself. I would have liked to wear something else and not a simple denim skirt, pink Converse and a
basic white t-shirt. She looked like a fifteen year old girl. Before following Steve I pulled the hair tie that was holding my hair and let it fall loose behind my back... That would help, wouldn't it? I followed Steve into the apartment. Phew! This had nothing to do with the apartment he had rented in Los Angeles... this was... this was playing in another league. She knew that she had
inherited a large fortune from his grandfather and she also knew, obviously, that money had never been a problem for him, but this apartment was big words. It was very large, with no walls, apart from some columns that were strategically placed to create specific spaces. The kitchen was to the right, and the sofas in the center faced the large windows that revealed the city in all its
splendor. The parquet flooring gleamed, and some segments were covered by thick beige rugs that must have been soft enough even to sleep on. At one end, next to a glass mini-bar, ran an imposing dark marble staircase. Did Nicholas live here now? Was this his? Did he live alone? Steve sighed again and frowned at me. "Are you sure you want to do this, Noah? He's not going to
like it at all." "Please, Steve," I said, almost begging. Let me do this my way... I just... I just need a chance to talk to him. Steve looked at me like someone looking at a kid who's just found out that Santa Claus doesn't really exist: with pity. He nodded regretfully and after telling me to let him know if he needed anything he left. I went upstairs and suddenly felt very tired. I opened the
first door I found: it was a room, I didn't know if it was Nick's or the guest room, but I lay on the bed and looked at the ceiling. I would wait for him... I would wait up until he came back and when he did I would do absolutely everything necessary to make him believe in me again, in ours, in forgiveness and in love.

CHAPTER 13 NICK

I got in the car and pulled out of the office parking lot, putting my foot down on the accelerator. I should have canceled dinner, I should have left, I should have told him all those things I've been dying to tell him, all those things that I still kept inside and that I was sure one day would fight to get out. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm down. I couldn't introduce myself
like this at dinner, it wouldn't be right... or fair. I had to get Noah out of my mind. I was sure she wouldn't reject the hotel thing, she wasn't stupid, she knew it would be crazy to stay in that seedy neighborhood, and if she didn't listen to me, it wouldn't be my problem. A little internal voice yelled at me "Liar!" loud and clear, but I ignored her as I made my way across town and into
one of the trendiest restaurants of the day, hoping it was a quiet night. When I handed the car keys to the doorman to park it, I saw the dark-haired girl at the door. The dress she wore of hers was elegant and expensive, the heeled sandals she wore made her appear so much taller than she actually was hers and her dark hair shimmered as it cascaded down her back. her. Her gaze lit
up when she saw me, although she tried to hide it as best she could. I felt a pang of guilt in her chest, but I had already made her things very clear to her and she seemed to have understood. "Hello," I said, forcing a warm smile. Her white teeth flashed as I wrapped my arm around her waist and leaned in to give her a quick kiss on her cheek. She smelled like raspberry with a lemon
mix...she always smelled like some kind of fruit and I liked that. "I thought you wouldn't come," she confessed to me as she pushed her slightly from behind until she entered the restaurant. Things were tough right now and the last thing she wanted was a photographer taking pictures of us. "A little unforeseen has arisen, I'm sorry," I commented, then told the waiter my name, who
hurried to lead us to the table that he had reserved almost a month in advance. The place was pleasant, warm, to which the dim lighting contributed. There was live music, played by a pianist. For some strange reason, that light and that pleasant music relaxed me... I took a deep breath and enjoyed seeing myself sitting in front of that woman, the woman who had supported me
since I broke up with Noah, the one who had been by my side and the one who had become a good friend. "You're pretty," I told her, knowing that would make her smile. The reason why things were different with her was clear, at least to me. Sophia smiled shyly and took the letter easily. The waiter approached us and each ordered a different type of wine. She was more of a white
wine; I, on the other hand, red or more specifically a good Bordeaux from 82. For a moment I remembered Noah, how he had no idea of wine or food or many things really. His simplicity had captivated me, he had made me believe that he could teach her everything, that I could give her the world... I cleared my throat, forcing myself to return to reality. Was she already at the hotel?
Was she taking a shower? Was she crying? Sleeping? Eating? Missing me? "Stop!" I ordered myself and focused my eyes on my beautiful companion. Things with Sophia had come up without even thinking about it. In the beginning, after Noah, I had become a person who was barely able to have a coherent conversation with anyone, everything bothered me, I was short-tempered,
angry at the world, hurt and not wanting to associate with anyone or anything. I had locked myself in the apartment, sunk into self-pity... The phone was ringing and I was ignoring it; the emails accumulated in the inbox and I didn't even read them... I became totally self-destructive. I drank until I was almost unconscious on the bed, I broke furniture, I hit things... I even hurt my hand
twice. I got into a fight in a bar, although fortunately no blood reached the river. My mind wandered, imagining things, going into a loop of hate, sadness, and disappointment. No one, not even Lion, managed to make me see reason, help me; my father came to see me, he yelled at me, then he tried to talk to me more civilly, he yelled at me again and then disappeared. I didn't want
to listen to anyone, I wasn't interested... At those moments I felt unbearable chest pain, I felt betrayed. Until one day Sophia showed up at my apartment. She had always been a sensible girl, with clear ideas. She yelled at me about everything, why am I going to lie, and not because she cared or was worried about me, rather because she depended on my work and I barely went
through the firm. She yelled at me that if it was so bad for me to go to New York, she blamed me for so many things, she was so angry about my attitude-according to her, immature and irrational that I could only think of a way to shut her up. I took her by her waist and rammed her against the wall. We stared at each other, me broken, her confused, and I just did what she wanted at
the time, what my body needed and what my sick mind wanted to do to get back at Noah. We fucked all night long, non-stop, non-stop, non-stop, and best of all, when we finished, Sophia got up, got dressed, and left without saying a word. The next day I went to work. She spoke to me as if nothing had happened, as if we were still the same coworkers who just put up with each
other and share an office. I acted just like her, as if nothing had happened, until one day she got up, she closed the office door, she approached me and sitting on my lap she convinced me to do it again. Let's be clear about one thing: we both knew that this would not amount to anything. Sophia was aware that I was devastated by Noah and she just needed someone to warm her bed
from time to time. When we talked about it, neither she nor she flinched and she accepted my conditions: that it was just sex and that we could do whatever we wanted. She saw me with others, of course, and Sophia was free to date other men if she wanted, although we never talked about it. She knew the things she did and she seemed to accept it and she didn't care who she
went out with, she slept with or stayed for coffee. Of course... he treated her with the respect she deserved from her. She was my friend, the only one who helped me, she forced me out of bed and got me to focus on work. And shortly after accepting my position in New York, my grandfather died, and the rest is history. Now we were having dinner in a nice restaurant, she had told
me that she needed to talk to me and all I could think about was that Noah was in town, that I was dying to go meet him and make love to him as only I knew how to remind him who he had fooled and what he was missing. I ran my hand across my forehead and focused on Sophia. -I have to ask you a favor -she told me after we had been talking about some banal topics and, above
all, things related to work. Sophia never seemed to rest, her ambition had no limits and now her father was running for governor of California. She was the girl everyone raffled off and everyone seemed to know. That didn't matter to me, but when she started to speak I had to force myself to pay attention to her: I need to formalize what we have. I looked at her without
understanding a single word that came out of her mouth. "In front of the public, of course she is," she clarified, raising the glass to her lips. My father demands that we appear stable, that we be a strong unit. He keeps introducing me to uncles, the children of his friends who only want to be with me because I'm the daughter of Senator Riston Aiken, it's horrible, I can't stand it. "Wait,
wait," I said, trying to understand what he had just told me. Are you telling me that you want to leak to the press that we're together? As an official couple and all? Sophia nodded and raised a ravioli to her mouth. "Of course, you can continue to do what you want... if you're discreet." But facing the gallery I need to have a formal boyfriend. Would you do this for me? At another time
I would have laughed in her face, but right that day, right after I'd talked to Noah, kissed her at Jenna's wedding, and felt the past come crashing back into my face. ...what Sophia asked me didn't seem like such a bad idea. I heard a little voice in my mind reminding me of the consequences of accepting Sophia's proposal. I knew that if I did, if I confirmed that I was dating her, if the
press leaked the news that we were dating, Noah would suffer a lot... Accepting her would make me a real jerk, but maybe it would be the way for me to finally understand that we had to turn the page I came home at about one o'clock in the morning. Sophia asked me if I wanted to go sleep with her at her hotel-she was in New York fixing some things for the company I no longer
worked for, but was leaving the next day-but I declined: I wasn't in the mood. I arrived at her apartment, which was only illuminated by dim lights that gave it warmth. I put the keys on the kitchen table and turned to pour myself another drink. That apartment had belonged to a friend of my father's, and when he found out that he was moving me to New York, he offered it to me at
a price I couldn't refuse. I wanted to start from scratch, in a place that I could call my own, and not accept my father's offer to move me into an apartment he had in Brooklyn-apart from various offices scattered around Manhattan. I did not want to remember what I lived in that city as a child. Discovering that my father had cheated on my mother throughout practically her entire
marriage, my hatred of her had transformed and turned into something else. A part of me more or less understood why everything had gone to hell, and I hated my father for making me feel sorry for her. I hated my mother, that hadn't changed, but that whole story with Noah's mother made me rethink if that hatred was justified or not. Deceit... How could I blame my mother for
losing her mind after I had lost it for the same reason? I would never forgive her for abandoning me, there was no justification for that, but who was I to judge the reactions of others? a couple after going through something like that I thought about Noah again... it was hard to see how the future you had created with one person, all those images of what was to come, vanished right
before your nose. I had imagined a full life with her, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy relationship... I wasn't stupid, our relationship wasn't idyllic, but the problems had come from third parties. I would have put my hand in the fire for Noah if someone had hinted that he might have cheated on me with someone else, called him crazy... And there we were... I finished my drink and
went to my room. I went in without bothering to turn on the lights and took off my shirt, leaving it lying haphazardly on the floor. The service would pick her up tomorrow. I turned towards the bed with the intention of turning on one of the lamps and literally froze when I saw who was between my sheets. My heart began to pound wildly in my chest, almost hurting me, almost
making my ears ring. My breathing quickened, my whole body reacted to that image of Noah asleep on my bed, it was like going back in time, like when I came back and had her there waiting for me, her soft-skinned legs curled around a pillow, her arms draped over me. from the sheets, with her hair scattered across the mattress... I closed my eyes for a second and I could almost
feel what it would be like to lie next to her, push the white sheets away from her body and let my fingers caress her skin... I would slowly turn her towards me, she would open her eyes, half asleep, but she would smile happy to see me, with that shine that she always managed to bring out every time I touched her. "She was waiting for you", she would tell me, and I would inflate
myself with all that love that I never thought I could feel. I would position myself on top of her, gently brush her blond hair away from her, and slowly place my lips on hers, swollen from sleep, soft and aching for my touch. My arm of hers would go down her back, slipping through the hollow of her spine and lift her slightly off her mattress to get her body to stick to mine without
crushing her. He would gently kiss the top of her neck until he reached her ear, then inhale the scent of her skin, a scent that wasn't fruity or sweet or anything like any expensive perfume, it would just smell like Noah.. .only her. I opened my eyes forcing myself to come back to reality. I almost wished it had been an illusion to see her there in my bed, between my sheets. I couldn't
give up, no matter how much my hands itched with the desire to touch her, I wasn't going to give in to her, I had no idea what she was doing there, but I let the anger devour any other feeling and stomped out of the room. .

CHAPTER 14 NOAH

I heard a noise and my eyes widened almost without realizing it. At first I didn't know where she was, but the smell around me reassured me: she was home. I was with Nick. It took me a few seconds to understand that that last sentence didn't make any sense... at least not now. I got up in that unknown bed and thanks to the dim light that filtered through the half-open door I was
able to take a look at my surroundings. Finally, and with a knot in my stomach, I got out of bed and went to the livin
nothing, absolutely nothing. I even came to believe that my body was dead, that my libido had disappeared after the breakup, but how wrong I was! A simple caress, a simple touch from that man's hands made me lose my mind. I pulled away from his mouth to catch my breath and his lips trailed kisses down my jaw, sending chills down my spine. He was bare chested and my fingers
trailed down from his neck and caressed. Every single one of his damn abs clenched at the contact of my nails against his skin. Nicholas gave a guttural growl and jerked away from my neck, searching my eyes. "What do you want from me, Noah?" he asked grabbing my hands and almost forcibly pulling them away from his body. I looked at his torso, at the sweat that beaded his skin
at the tension we both felt at the thought that what was about to happen would turn our worlds upside down...again. "Just... make me forget..." I asked him with a lump in my throat, "for a few minutes... Just pretend you've forgiven me." I noticed that his chest rose and fell, accelerated, and also how he loosened the tension with which he held my hands. I released them and
tangled them in his hair, again, forcing him to focus on me and not everything around us. This time it was I who placed my lips on his. God, they tasted like heaven! Kissing him was what she had missed the most, she was addicted to his kisses and she needed more, she needed to feel those lips everywhere, she needed it in an almost painful way. "I'll do it..." he assured, separating his
back from the sofa to stick to me. Our noses almost touched. I'll forget for a few minutes what you did to us... but tomorrow you'll leave, you'll leave my life and leave me alone. My heart stopped, it did I think literally, but I forced myself to ignore that detail that I had just clarified. She was going to forget... That's what she said, wasn't she? That was enough for me, I'd deal with the
other part tomorrow. I nodded, even knowing he was lying, but I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to be with him, in less than half an hour he had managed to make me feel alive again, and I couldn't give that up. His hands gripped my thighs tightly and he rose from the sofa, taking me with him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. How good
they tasted! How good they smelled! They smelled of him, of my Nick, of the person I loved madly, almost desperately. He took me to his room and laid me down on the mattress almost reverently, very carefully, as if he was afraid I was going to disappear. He stayed at the foot of the bed, watching me. Realizing this, I propped myself up on my elbows to sit up and watch him back.
How could it be so perfect, his hair was messy, his lips looked thicker after my kisses, his stubble was extremely flattering. With it I had scratched my skin before, but I didn't care; suddenly, I wanted to feel that touch in other parts of my body. She was trembling, trembling with desire, pure and carnal, for this man. "We're not going to fuck," he sentenced as he yanked the belt off his
pants and let it fall to the floor. The surprise must have been plain on my face, the disappointment too, because he smiled at me, not the way he used to, not with warmth and lust and love, but more like someone making the obvious clear to a ten-year-old girl she finds adorable- but we can do other things. He approached me, settling between my legs, placed his hand on my
stomach and exerting pressure made me lie completely on the mattress. Immediately after, she leaned over me and yanked my skirt off me and threw it haphazardly on the floor. With her knee she parted my legs and soon her hands were up my shirt until it was pulled over my head and out of her sight. For an instant his eyes rested on my body, on my breasts, covered by a pink lace
bra that wasn't anything special, but it was comfortable, or at least that's what I thought when I put it on that morning to go out to visit. the city. She frowned slightly and the palm of her hand that was still on my stomach moved to my side and lifted me slightly until her lips rested on my navel. "You're thinner," she said in a whisper I didn't even register. Her mouth trailed down to
the top of my panties. Her hands, meanwhile, caressed my legs, from top to bottom. Her eyes searched mine and I almost collapsed at the excessive lust that seemed to emanate from her. She got off the bed, knelt down and quickly took them from me. I felt some qualms. It's not that I was ashamed, it had just been a long time since anyone touched me, months, and much longer
since Nick hadn't. I moved a little uneasily and he seemed to notice him because, despite the fact that his breathing revealed that he was dying to continue, he stared at me for a second, asking me to calm down. It was a second, but it was Nick... Nick from earlier who stared back at me. I closed my eyes and stayed with that gesture, I visualized it in my head for a moment until I
calmed down. "Nick..." "Shh. His mouth followed my thighs, first they were just kisses, but then I felt his teeth on my skin; In fact, he was biting me lightly and then passing his tongue in a sensual way. I shifted on the bed and his hand pressed my stomach against the mattress, immobilizing me. "Please..." I almost begged, shame lost and writhing under his touch. He ignored me and
kept kissing me everywhere, except for the area that required the most attention. "What do you want, Noah? Tell me, I want to hear you say it." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head on the mattress, God, why? I felt his mouth brush my skin, but not quite touch it, and I writhed in frustration. "Say it, Noah, say what you want and you'll have it." I didn't think I could say it, at
least not out loud, and he knew it. Was I punishing me his way? I opened my eyes to see him there, waiting. "Kiss me," I asked in a breathy whisper. He got up and placed himself on top of me; His lips collided with mine and he kissed me roughly and I moaned in frustration. When his hips pressed against mine I had a few seconds of relief, just a few seconds because when he realized
he got up supporting himself with his hands. "This isn't like before, Noah," he said, taking me by the chin. You are no longer the sweet inexperienced Noah who has to be carefully taught what to do... I looked into his eyes and saw the anger that he had so well contained escape. I didn't like what I saw, so I sat up a bit until my lips met his again. Quickly and then I pushed his shoulders
to stick him to my body, to feel him attached to me again. My legs wrapped around his waist and I felt him hiss. Suddenly he wanted things fast, he didn't want there to be any room for doubts or reproaches. My hand slipped into his jeans and I felt Nicholas lose the battle. He had forgotten what it was like to have him in my hands, what it was like to notice how he lost control, how
his breathing became agitated by my caresses. He wanted to feel that connection again, he wanted us to move together, to pleasure ourselves without games, just joining as one and letting everything else take its course. We rolled onto the mattress and I got on top of it. I felt a little insecure in that position, but I wasn't going to let him see it. With trembling hands I pulled his jeans
down, and when I couldn't, he helped me. Seconds later he was completely naked and I only had my bra on. He turned again and pinned me against his body. "I told you we're not going to fuck," he clarified, holding my hands above my head. "Fuck, Nicholas..." I protested in frustration, I needed him to touch me, I needed that touch more than anything in the world. Without warning
one of his fingers slipped inside me. I made an involuntary face. To my surprise, and his as well, he hurt me. -You have not... I blushed with embarrassment... What was I going to tell him? That since what had happened, I hadn't let anyone, much less a guy, dare to look at me twice? That my sexual appetite had evaporated like water in a desert? That since the last time we had done it
at her house, when I drew on her skin, she hadn't felt anything again? Not even thinking about it, she wasn't so pathetic. But my body gave me away. Something changed in his expression, I don't know if it was relief or what, but he didn't have to beg any more, he knelt down next to the bed again, pulled me and his tongue began to trace circles over the most sensitive part of me. my
anatomy. I moaned out loud, and that encouraged him to continue. He seemed as needy as me. His finger entered me again, more carefully this time, and instead of pain I felt relief; the pressure began to get stronger, his mouth continued to work, his hand moved up my stomach until he slipped under my bra and squeezed my chest with force. It was all too much, too long without
doing it, too many bottled up emotions, too much stimulation.. My back was separated from the bed, and I screamed without even being able to control myself. The orgasm devastated everything, took me to the fifth heaven and lit me like hellfire. Nicholas continued to stroke me until his touch ached and he pulled away from him to let me recover. And I did, and quickly. I needed
more and so did he, since he had begun to caress himself with his right hand, his eyes fixed on mine and the hard expression of someone who wants to give in but can't. We weren't going to do it that night, but I wasn't going to leave it at that. So I got up and pulled him up and forced him to sit down. His+ breathing was uncontrolled and I didn't mind taking the reins this time. I pulled
away and knelt between his legs without taking my eyes off him. "What are you going to do?" he asked me with a hoarse voice, there was no turning back, we had entered this game of passion, love and hate at the same time, and we would not get out of it so easily. I didn't answer him and I went on to do what he had never done. I had no idea what he was doing, but he seemed to
like it. I opened my eyes and looked for him. That seemed to drive him crazy. Then his hand gently held my hair and began to move. "Fuck...he didn't let me get to the end. He pulled me away from him, picked me up, and laid me on the bed. He rubbed against me, and then his hand took over and I began to do the same. His eyes burned into my body and I felt the second orgasm
threaten to make me black out. We both arrived at the same time with our eyes locked on each other, hardly touching each other, just looking at each other and wondering how we got to that point. I fell asleep in his bed, but not hugging him but a simple pillow. When he finished, he simply went into the bathroom, took a shower and left the room. I suppose that the minutes of
forgiveness had come to an end, and the truth is that I did not have the body to start thinking about all that. My feelings were on the surface and I just wanted to close my eyes, close them and not analyze what had happened, because if I did, I would realize that everything that had happened had been clouded by a veil of coldness, there had been no love, no, just carnal relief; we
had let our feelings and emotions hide in an unreachable corner of our souls to let the most primitive take their place. I would have liked Nicholas to hug me tightly, to hold me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be alright; however, he left and I did not see myself with the strength to go after him. Letting sleep and exhaustion take over, I closed my eyes and let
myself go.

CHAPTER 15 NICK

I regretted it the moment I walked out of that room. He had succumbed, he had fallen into temptation, he had taken another bite of the forbidden apple and the consequences, he was sure, were going to be terrible. My heart ached, if that was possible. The pain was so strong and so deep that I had to force myself to stay away from her. I locked myself in my office, I tried by all
means to pretend that Noah wasn't in my bed, I tried to forget about his naked body, his hands caressing each other, his mouth giving me pleasure... he had done it so well, so well that for an instant it made me even angry. Would he have done it to others? That thought drove me crazy. It didn't matter that in bed she would have seemed the same as always... Th same pure Noah
that I had known had slept with another being with me. Who said I hadn't done it with more being separated Noah in the hands of another...fuck, I needed to get out of there, I needed to forget about the feeling of having her under me, how soft her skin was, how sweet she was. they were his kisses. The scent of her still haunted me, even after I showered. Suddenly the apartment
seemed small to me, and my body only seemed to want to enter that room and finish with what it had left unfinished. I put on some sweatpants, a white Nike T-shirt, and my sneakers and went for a run in Central Park. It was barely five in the morning, but there were already people playing sports in its streets. I didn't hang around too much, I didn't even warm up, I just ran, ran and
wished with all my might that when I got home Noah had already left, that he would comply with what he had asked of him, that he would disappear from my life. Did you want me to do it? Yes. That was the only thing that was clear to me. Being with her hurt too much and I didn't see myself with the strength to forgive what he did, I just wasn't capable. I got home two hours later
and everything seemed the same as when I left. I went into the room and found her again between my sheets. She was asleep on her stomach, the sheet covering her only half way, so her bare back was screaming for me to caress her until she woke up. She would kiss her, make love to her slowly, and then we would go to have breakfast at one of the best coffee shops in the city. I
would buy her chocolate, I would show her all the corners that this city seemed to hide and then, when she was tired of sightseeing, we would return here and once again I would sink between her legs and make her scream my name until she was out of breath. I had to slap myself back to reality: none of that was going to happen, all of that had ended that night when I discovered
that I had been in the arms of another man. I went to the bathroom and took a cold shower. Coming out of it, wearing only gray pajama pants, I found her sitting up, her back leaning against the headboard and the sheet held tightly in her hands, covering any hint of nudity. Her eyes looked at me doubtfully, as if she had no idea what to do. I bent down and picked up the white T-shirt
that was lying on the floor. I tossed it to him for him to catch. "Get dressed," I ordered, trying to sound calm, trying to control myself. Noah seemed to hesitate and when I looked at his face, his disheveled hair and that mouth that he wanted to bite hard, I had to force myself to leave that room. I went straight to the kitchen, picked up my cell phone, and called Steve. He had moved
to the city and lived in apartments not far from there. My father had insisted that he work for me from now on, and I had been glad to have someone I trusted to watch my back. "I need you to take her out of here," I said, noticing the desperation in my voice. Steve sighed on the other end of the line and I knew he would do as he asked. He owed me. I shouldn't have taken her to my
apartment to begin with. I hung up the phone, made coffee, and a minute later she appeared in the kitchen. She hadn't dressed, at least not in her clothes. She was wearing my white T-shirt, which reached above her knees, but she seemed to have been through the bathroom, since her hair was not so disheveled and her face looked fresh and clean, without traces of kisses from
yesterday. "I called Steve to come pick you up," I told her as she poured me a cup of coffee. He tried to speak calmly, as if that was what was expected of me, as if throwing out the person I was in love with was the most normal thing in the world. "I don't want to go," she replied in a whisper. I noticed her, the way she had changed after our breakup. She was so thin...she had lost so
much weight that last night when he saw her body he had been afraid of breaking it. She was no longer the Noah that I remembered, the brave girl, the one who stood up to me at all hours, the one who made my life much more interesting. Her fights with her had always been brutal and now...she seemed to have a scared fawn in front of me and that only pissed me off even more.
"What are you up to, Noah?" I asked, my voice cooling. I didn't want to get to the point where I lost control of myself and released all the pent up anger that I knew was still buried inside me, but I needed to make him understand that nothing was going to change. There is nothing you can say or do to change what happened. Last night was good, but what we did can be given to me
by any other, I'm not interested in playing this game with you. "You're still in love with me," she stated, taking a step forward. He meant to touch me and I stepped back, disgusted with myself, disgusted for letting things get out of hand last night. I didn't want to give him false hope, that was not my intention. "I was in love with you," I pointed out calmly, "I was, Noah, in the past
tense." You cheated on me and there may be couples who can forgive what you did, but you know me well enough to know that I'm not like everyone else. "And I am her," she replied, hugging herself almost unconsciously. You can't pretend that what happened a few hours ago hasn't affected you the way it has affected me... I saw it in your eyes, Nicholas, I saw it last night and I saw
it on Jenna's wedding day: you still have feelings for me, You keep... "What do you want me to tell you, Noah?" I exclaimed furiously. It wasn't really her that I was angry with, but with myself, angry that I hadn't been able to contain myself, angry that I had fallen not once but twice, angry that I couldn't hide, despite all my efforts, that I still had feelings for that girl. -. It is very clear
that you know how to play this game much better than me. Noah blinked blankly. -I'm not playing anything, I just want... he didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't have to do it either, because he knew perfectly well what he wanted from me. "You should go," I said a few seconds later. I picked up the mug in front of me and turned to put it in the sink, an excuse not to keep looking
at her face. "How do you do it?" she asked me then and her tone made me turn to face her again. A flash of anger crossed his honey-colored eyes. Explain to me how you can get on with your life, because I can't! This was ridiculous. I no longer had a life, mine consisted of an endless work loop where love no longer had a place. He was happy like that, without all the sentimental
burden. Love was shit, I gave it all up for love and look where it got me. I knew that if I wanted to get her away from me once and for all, if I wanted to make her understand that nothing was going to change, if I wanted to see her walk out the door and never hurt me again, I was going to have to be hard, I was going to have to dig into the wound. . I stared at her and something that
had gone unnoticed until then caught my attention: she was wearing the silver pendant that she had given him for her eighteenth birthday. I walked towards her without taking my eyes off her. My hand went to the nape of her neck and found the clasp of her pendant with almost no effort. Noah, lost in my gaze, didn't understand what he had done util I took a step back, taking the
pendant with me and putting it in my back pocket. "Give it back to me," he asked incredulously, not quite understanding what he had just done. I clenched my jaw. "You have to stop clinging to something that no longer exists, damn it. "Give me that pendant, Nicholas," she insisted between her teeth. "What for?" I asked then, raising my tone and making her jump. Why the hell are
you still wearing it? Are you trying to stir up memories? Are you trying to undermine my sensitivity? You're not succeeding. Noah blinked several times, surprised by my words, then pushed hard into my chest. "Do you want to know why I'm wearing it?" Her," she yelled furiously. She reminds me of you, just her," he said. Does it bother you to hear it Well it's the damn truth, you
heard me! I miss you! I didn't want to hear the truth, not that truth at least, I didn't want to feel guilty, I didn't want to admit out loud that I missed her too... Damn, I didn't want to admit to myself that it hurt as much as it hurt to take something away from her. that I gave her to take with her always, a gesture with which I wanted to show how much I loved her. She needed to end
this once and for all. "I'm with someone," I announced, fixing my eyes on his. Noah froze where she stood, the anger from before hers leaving her deep-set eyes as she slowly absorbed my words. She seemed lost for a few seconds, but then she seemed to find her voice to speak again. "What do you... what do you mean?" I closed my eyes and ran a hand over my face in disgust. Did I
have to do this? Was it necessary? Was it necessary to hurt us even more? Yes, it was. "I have a relationship, Noah, a relationship with Sophia. My words seemed to hit her chest as if she had shot straight into her heart. Her eyes widened at hearing that name of hers, and she looked at me as if she had betrayed her, as if she had just gotten him out of her deceit at last. My hands
itched with the urge to hug her to my chest and tell her that it was a lie, but I couldn't do that, I had to end it and better do it quickly, without a doubt. She lowered her gaze to the floor and left it there, between the two of them. It was dawn outside and the first rays of light flooded the flat, taking with them the darkness of lies and the shadows of what we had done hours before. It
was already said, there was no turning back. When she looked at me again, I knew that he had destroyed her. "It was always her, right." Her voice broke three times...and my heart about three more. I felt anger at how easily she believed my lie. Had I shown her so badly how much she had loved her? Was it so easy to believe that and so difficult to think that only she had existed for
me, no one else? I clenched her fists tightly. "Yes," I said loud and clear. I have been in love with Sophia since I met her, from the very moment I laid eyes on her face; she is pretty, intelligent, we share the same hobbies and ambitions. And I'm sorry, Noah, but with her, everything is easier. There is no drama, there are no problems. Sophia is a woman, not a girl. The sarcasm was so
clear... boy was it clear, anyone listening might have noticed. Well, Noah apparently not. He clamped his mouth shut and blinked to clear his eyes and get rid of the tears. "All this time..." he answered taking a step towards me, as if to push me. He didn't make it, more like a feeble attempt to talk sense into me. Now that I look back on it, I think it was at that moment that we finished
what we had both started: both broken, both shattered... and the only way to fix it was out of the question. "It's better that you go," I added with what little strength I still had left. He didn't even look at me, he walked around me, walked away from me and disappeared into my room. After that I just made sure Steve had dropped her off at the hotel.

CHAPTER 16 NICK

You could say that I was silly, stupid... or rather, that the little self-esteem I had left was no longer enough to help me move on. Nick's words, however, hit me deep. I believed them, just like that. After my stay in New York, where I didn't leave my room until the day I had to go to the airport, I came back to my apartment feeling like the most stupid and unhappy person on Earth. Nick
and Sophia...Sophia and Nick...damn how it hurt just thinking about it and how it hurt that he had lied to me for so long. I wasn't stupid, Nicholas had loved me, there was no doubt about that, not even the best actor in the country could fake what he had felt for me, but it was easy to imagine him falling in love with her. I arrived in Los Angeles devastated, yes, but also cured of fear.
In the last year not seeing Nick again until the wedding had given me hope, had made me believe that if we did see each other again he would no longer be able to ignore how he felt about me. I had held on to a hot nail and finally realized that there was nothing left to hold on to. When I went into my apartment I noticed that he had a missed call from my mother. Surely he wanted
to know if she had arrived safely and although I knew he wouldn't dare ask me, he wanted to make sure that my meeting with Nick after all this time had not destroyed me again. Recovering my relationship with my mother had not been easy. In the months after the breakup, I had not only had to face the fact that Nick had gone and left me, but also an unfavorable family situation.
That night, the night of the Leisters' anniversary party, I discovered things that changed the way I see things, my mother in particular, things that made me even hate her with all my might. Talking to her again was difficult, at first I didn't even want to see her, I absolutely refused to let her into my apartment. If it hadn't been for Jenna's support I don't know how she would have
gotten out of that bottomless pit I fell into. A couple of months after Nick left for New York, I decided to pick up his phone, and talking and talking... he ended up explaining his version of the story to me. He explained to me that his relationship with William began almost accidentally; she worked in a hotel at the time, I was only six years old, and things with my father had already
started to get out of hand. One day they asked her to bring food to one of the guests, something that was not her job, but one of her waitresses was sick and she had to replace her. The guest turned out to be William, a William Leister thirteen years younger, with the world in his hands, rich and handsome and attractive; Just looking at Nick, I could understand what my mother could
have come to see in him. My mother at that time was barely twenty-four years old, she had never in her life been with another person apart from my father, from whom she had become pregnant with me when she was very young; she hadn't been able to enjoy his youth, she had to be responsible from the minute she found out she was going to have a baby. When William started
courting her, her world turned upside down, she had never been treated like this, she had never been told such nice things, she had never been given flowers... My father was an asshole, always was, even before he came to lose the papers completely. They had an affair ever since, an affair in which William did not learn of my existence or that of my father until six years later. The
relationship they had was extramarital, but William believed that it was only because of his part. They saw each other very occasionally, only when he traveled to Canada, and their meetings were practically... well, you can imagine .The night of D-Day, when they called her to say that I was in the hospital, almost bleeding to death, was the same night that William found out
everything my mother had hidden from him. The blows had been hidden with makeup, my father never hit him in the face or at least he tried to, all so that no one would find out what was happening inside our house, and my mother always told William to turn off all the lights. It was a shock to William, something he had never dreamed of, that the woman who drove him crazy, who
had turned his world upside down, the woman he would give up everything for, was married with a daughter, and on top of that the bastard of her husband put his hands on her... From there everything got complicated. Custody was taken from my mother, her guilt plunged her into a terrible state; the mistreatment that she had been suffering at the hands of my father plus the fact
that they did not let her continue taking care of me...She ended everything, with William and with the world, she began to drink, to such an extent that she had to undergo a cure detox that William paid for. After months in treatment, months in which I had to be in a foster home, they allowed her to have me again. My mother didn't want to see Will again, never again, she told
herself, she was never going to make the same mistake again. From that moment she swore to live for and for me. "I've never been able to forgive myself for what happened that night, Noah," my mother confessed in a strangled voice. Your father had never laid his hands on you, and I...I was stupid, I was blinded by the love I felt for Will, who at that time was the only thing besides
you that kept me going. We saw each other so little, and when we did I was so happy, I felt so special... so alive. William was only going to be in town that night, and I needed to see him...he needed it almost as much as he needed air to breathe. That day I held the phone to my ear and kept thinking that what my mother was telling me was the same thing I had felt with Nick. I
understood her, I understood at least that need to escape from her and I was aware that she shouldn't condemn her forever either: she had always been there for me, she sacrificed herself so that she could study, so that she could have a better life. In the end I forgave her, I had to, she was my mother. It's not that the relationship had improved to the point of going back to the way
it was before, but at least I came home, we ate together, I cried... I cried a lot, she hugged me and told me she was sorry and she was sorry for what had happened. past with nick I told myself that my thing with Nicholas had been real, life could have separated us because of problems and lack of trust, but it had been. After leaving the suitcases on my bed I went to touch the pendant
that had served as an anchor all that time and when I remembered that it was no longer there, I dropped my hand next to my side with regret. I had to keep going; after all, he had already done it. The next few months were better than he had expected. College, classes and work allowed me to focus on other things. I never heard from Nicholas again, at least not firsthand, because
the news that Nicholas Leister was dating Senator Aiken's daughter soon filled pages in some newspapers. Seeing them together, holding hands, hurt me. How could it not hurt? But it also helped me transform my sadness into rancor and also into cold distancing. I told myself that this was for the best, that I didn't care at all... obviously I was deluding myself, but it got me through the
days and weeks. It was easier that way. Before I knew it, Thanksgiving holidays were right around the corner, and after thinking about it a lot and having left my mother hanging the year before, she had told him that she would go. I had to leave the next day for William's house and it was just over an hour away, an hour that I would spend listening to music and doing numbers about
what I had to pay at the end of the month and how I was going to be able to buy the new book that they asked us for class. of law. Luckily the apartment was paid for. I had refused to allow William to continue paying my monthly payment and I had to start looking for a new apartment, but the landlady informed me that the year had been paid for: Briar, or rather her parents, had
paid two years in advance and had not paid for it. They had complained when she left, so I was able to stay in her place and another new partner soon arrived. Although the subject of the flat was covered, at least for now, he was barely making ends meet. I had gotten a job at a cafeteria on campus, but two days ago my boss had told me that he was not going to renew my contract.
They had opened another bar two blocks away and we had lost a lot of customers, so they had to cut staff and I had been the last to arrive. So I was going to have to start mobilizing and fast. Since I was going to spend the weekend at my mother and Will's house, I took the small suitcase out of the closet and absently put some clothes in it. It's not like I was going to dress up too
much, and if not, I'd throw out what I had in my other closet. I did pack my law books, the exam would be just after the holidays and I was going to have to study, much to my regret. I hated that subject, I don't know if it was because it reminded me of Nicholas or just because memorizing laws wasn't my thing, but gosh, it put me in a foul mood! I had to take it as mandatory, it
focused mostly on copyright and image rights and all that stuff, and I was looking forward to the day when I could forget about all that bullshit that I could easily Google if tomorrow I needed them. Since I hadn't used the suitcase since I'd gone to the Hamptons for Jenna's wedding, I wasn't surprised to find things still tucked in there, like a toothbrush I thought I'd lost, a pair of black
lace panties, my waterproof mascara and, to my surprise, a name card for Lincoln Baxwell. On the card it said that he was a lawyer, publicist and responsible for communities. He remembered it, he was one of Jenna's friends, he was at her wedding and he was quite nice. If I remembered correctly, he had given me the card in case I was ever interested in working in the sector. Wow, I
couldn't believe it! I had completely forgotten about his proposal, especially since Nicholas had come over and made an off-hand comment, forcing me to walk away from the two of them. I had no idea what kind of job I could offer a nineteen-year-old college girl like me, but there was nothing to lose by trying. I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was too late to call, so I
decided I would call in the morning on my way to Will's and if the world didn't hate me as much as it seemed, maybe I'd have a job sooner than later. imagined. The next morning it was quite cold, and the heating in my car was not that great. My mother had been very urging me to use my Audi again, but she didn't feel comfortable with the idea. She had insisted that it had been a
gift, that it was mine, and that if she didn't use it, it was because she was too proud. Maybe he was right, my stroller was almost on its last legs and there was no way I was going to be able to afford a new car, so I would take advantage of this trip to make the change. After all, it was true that it had been a gift, and the car was just parked there, and damn it, it was an Audi. Once I was
on the highway and judged the time to be reasonable, I nervously decided to call Lincoln Baxwell. At first it rang several times and when I was about to hang up a woman he said good morning. "Good morning, I'd like to speak with Lincoln Baxwell." I'm Noah Morgan, William Leister's stepdaughter," I said a little with a small mouth. I wasn't used to using Will's name to open doors for
me, but it wasn't the thing to make me fussy. -A second, please. Mr. Baxwell took me in a few minutes later. "Sorry I'm late, Noah, right?" Baxwell apologized politely and friendly, a behavior that suited his attitude at the party. I was embarrassed to tell him why I was calling, but look, he had given me the card for a reason, right? "Good morning, Mr. Baxwell." Yes, I'm Noah Morgan,
we met..." "At Jenna Tavish's wedding, yes, yes, I remember her, you're Nicholas Leister's stepsister, right?" I closed my eyes for a second. "Yeah, that's me," I stated with a bit of sarcasm. "Okay, Noah, calm down." "How can I help you?" It was time to beg, so to speak. -I called him precisely because the day we spoke at the wedding the project he had in mind seemed quite
interesting to me... LN... -Here is the moment to doubt. "LRB," she clarified helpfully. Damn, I could have at least learned my name, I'm sure he'd think I was stupid. -Yes, excuse me, LRB, because the truth is that I would love to be able to accept his offer to work in an important company that is about to open. I've barely gotten any internship off campus and would like to try out
various industries before settling on a specialization... It was clear what I wanted, wasn't it?" Mr. Baxwell nodded delighted. "No problem, Noah, I'll pull some strings and have my secretary call you." The truth is that I'm surprised you called me, but I'll be delighted to have you on my team, you sure are a hard-working girl. I would like you to send my secretary your academic
certificate, your class schedule, as well as any type of reference that you have been able to obtain. My sector is purely commercial, I need a good team that is willing to make my life easier, so if you are good with paperwork we can arrange something for you to work a few hours a day without interrupting your university schedule, is that okay with you? I was almost screaming with
joy, God, how easy it had been, I couldn't believe it! Okay, yes, she could have asked Will for the favor, but it was better that way; besides, it was Baxwell who gave me the card, right? I said goodbye after thanking him, almost colliding with the car in front of me at a red light, so distracted and happy I was. I was no longer unemployed!

CHAPTER 17 NICK

I stared at my computer screen, not really knowing how to feel, since it all still seemed completely crazy to me. It was an email from Anne, Maddie's social worker; In it he explained to me that since there was no longer any doubt as to who my sister's father was and after the legal actions that my father had initiated against my mother for having hidden it for years, he had finally
been given custody, and the visits that I previously had arranged to visit my sister were canceled and it was my parents who had to give me permission or not to see her; those same parents who had lied to both me and my sister, making her believe that her father was not her father and then blurting out that everything she had thought she knew so far was as big a lie as her house
in Las Vegas. When I found out about all this I was happy, damn, of course I was happy, my sister was finally mine, completely, not half-sister or half-sister. I had always hated thinking that having a different father didn't belong to me completely, I hated the visiting hours and Grason's bad faces every time he took Maddie with me. It was clear that things were going to be much easier
now, or so I thought. My sister did not understand anything; what's more, the few times my father had gone to visit her, he had wept for her until he was breathless. She didn't want to go with a stranger, she didn't want to leave her house, she didn't want to know anything about her new dad. I sighed putting my hand to my head. Right now I was Maddie's go-between with my
father, who seemed to have lost any practice when it came to young children. Actually, it's not that he never had much patience, you just had to see the relationship he had with me. What did surprise me was his effort and determination to try to win his affections. My father did not hesitate for a moment to put all the papers in motion so that they would give him joint custody and
make it clear that Madison Grason was now Madison Leister. It wasn't all resolved yet... not even close, but the one who was suffering the most was Mad, and that got on my nerves. Her father, well, the one who supposedly had been her father for more than five years, had washed his hands of it, he didn't want to know anything about my mother or the girl he had seen grow up.
The son of a bitch hadn't even wanted to be part of the adaptation process that my sister had to undergo. We had to explain to her in a very delicate but clear way that her father was no longer her father and that now she had a new one who loved her very much. What usually happens in these cases is that the father who is not a biological father fights for the custody of who he has
believed to be his daughter until now, at least he fights to continue being part of her life and, needless to say, to follow by her side for as long as she needed. But that was not what had happened, and my sister just kept repeating that she loved her father, hers, her real father, and that she did not understand why she had stopped loving her and had given her away. to a different
dad. My sister was irritable and she had gone from being that adorable and perpetually smiling child to becoming a hurt and resentful child towards everyone. My mother had moved to the city, she had left Las Vegas and was living in a nice apartment downtown, and Maddie hadn't quite finished adjusting to so many changes. The only one she seemed to want to see was me and the
only one she called late at night to get to sleep. She was scared, she didn't like her new house, she said, her toys weren't the same anymore, her friends were far from her and she didn't want to go to that ugly school she was going to now : she wanted to live with me; yes, that was what she told me every time I spoke to her on the phone. "When are you coming to get me, Nick?" she
would ask me, pouting. When are we going to go to the Ferris wheel? When will my dad come back? When will mommy be the same as before? Ok, she lacked for nothing, she ate and was healthy, but what about everything else? I kept reading the email in which Anne told me that my father had asked Maddie to spend Thanksgiving with him and the family. her. The judge had
agreed to let them choose the parties and my mother had agreed. Anne would say goodbye to me, saying that from now on the visits were over and that, if she had any doubts about my little sister, she should talk to my father; He had also sent me an email and in it he asked me to please spend the holidays at his house. He was saying that Maddie was going to adjust much better
having me there and that we needed to do the best we could for her. To be honest, he hadn't had the slightest intention of dropping me off at that house for any kind of party. As far as I was concerned, family meals, get togethers, and everything else like her had ceased to make sense. Was I going to sit at a table across from someone who had lied to me for years, with the woman
who caused my parents' divorce and my mother's abandonment? Nothing. Also, just going there caused me pain and not only because of my childhood memories, but because of much more painful ones that ended up blurring old memories. For me, that house meant seeing Noah everywhere: going downstairs in his pajamas or going downstairs dressed up in pretty dresses and
high-heeled sandals to, upon reaching his feet, throw himself into my arms to kiss passionately afterwards... Noah in the kitchen eating breakfast, Noah in his room, asleep, that time when I walked in for the first time and realized that just seeing her made my heart race... Noah in my bed, naked, the first time I made love to her. love, the first time we made love, both of us, because it
was also the first time for me, the first time I truly loved. I didn't know much about her, just what Lion told me from time to time, but what was clear was that she knew about me, of course, if I had become a target for press photographers, who were persecuting us relentlessly. cease. Not only had I been in the fucking magazines because of my relationship with Sophia, but also
because of the company layoffs. In many newspapers they had labeled me as mean and heartless and that, added to everything else, had me very stressed. I always knew that running this business would not be easy, nothing as big as my grandfather's company was going to be easy to run, but now that all the information was available to anyone, now that people seemed to be
aware of absolutely everything ... That was the worst thing, intimacy, not being able to do my business without people who had no fucking idea starting to comment and take out stupid articles. Yes, he had had to lay off a lot of people, yes, he had had to close two companies, but he had also opened one, one in which many of those laid off would go to work in less than a month, a
company that would provide much more employment in the future, with much more decent salaries than those they had been earning up to then due to few resources and poor management. Explain that to people just looking for a good headline. I turned away from the computer. I would call my father the next day to tell him that he would spend the holidays there. What other
option did I have? My sister was the most important thing in my life right now, she was the only person to whom I had to show my best face, I had to take care of her and make her see that she could still trust the elders. Maddie was already seven and a half years old, she was getting older, and she understood things more and more, she was more and more perceptive, she could no
longer be fooled with ice creams and toys. What she had suffered these months had marked her and made her mature in a childish way and had made her reluctant to trust others. I left my office and went to get a glass of water. It was late, and he was wide awake, he needed to do something. I walked into my room a few minutes later and stared at Sophia's bare back. She should
have left by now... the first rule was that we didn't sleep together, and that rule seemed more diffuse with each passing day. I sat on the small sofa in front of the bed and watched her: her dark hair on my pillow, her curves under the white silk sheets... She was very beautiful and determined as hell, but in a rather peaceful way. ...was not an earthquake that would destroy everything
within its reach, but rather someone who would destroy everything based on words, arguments and big seductive smiles. I liked her, of course I liked her, she was not stupid, she was a cheerful girl, from a good family, intelligent determined and quite good in bed; on that subject we were almost at the same level: I dominated on certain occasions and she on others. Sophia would be
a perfect girlfriend, a perfect life partner, she would be that kind of woman who is always there, who supports you and gives advice, who hugs you when you need it and who kisses you until you are breathless; She would be a good mother too, a working mother, of course, the kind of mother who sees to it that her children go to the best school, that they are always well cared for,
well dressed and very healthy, the kind of mother who knows everything but at At the same time, she doesn't know anything, that kind of mother who arrives late at night, when the children are already asleep, and goes to tuck them in and give them a kiss before sitting down to rest. Sophia was all of that and more...but she wasn't Noah.

CHAPTER 18 NOAH

I got to Will's house around eleven in the morning, just in time to have something nice and hot for breakfast. My mother came out to greet me, wrapped in a crocheted shawl that she supposed was much more expensive than it looked. She had the shortest blonde hair since the last time I saw her, roughly shoulder length, and her blue eyes looked up at me with fondness and
anticipation as I got out of the car and walked over to say hello. I went up the steps and let him hold me. She hadn't been back to that house in ages, specifically since before she broke up with Nick. Whenever my mother and I had seen each other, it had been in my apartment or in some nice restaurant. Memories with Nick haunted me, and that's why I had avoided this place with all
my might. Now I had two days to spend with my mother and her husband, but at least I could rest easy with the possibility of Nick coming to celebrate the holidays with us: he hated being there; Even before, when we were together, it was a continuous dispute for him to come. Nicholas would not spend Thanksgiving with his father; better for me. I went into the kitchen, where Will
was talking friendly to Prett. She this she hugged me with an affable smile and he smiled at me too, approached me and gave me a hug that seemed much more comforting than he had expected. I couldn't help but remember what my mother had told me about him and, even though he had been the person with whom my mother cheated on my father, he had known how to take
care of her, he had made her happy at a very dark of his life; I didn't even want to stop and think about what might have happened if William hadn't put my mom in that facility so she could recover, she would most likely have ended up stumbling through life trying to get by after being mistreated. for years and her daughter would have been taken from her for mistreatment. Surely I
would have spent much more time in foster homes and perhaps I would never have been able to return to her. We spent the morning catching up, I still didn't want to tell anyone about my layoff, I didn't want to see my mom roll her eyes or Will start to talk me into just focusing on studying, promising he was proud to be able to help me financially So we talked about other things
and when the trivial topics were over, a comment from Will piqued my interest in a significant way. -I've had to fight a lot so that my daughter can spend the holidays with me and finally, when I do, I realize that I have no idea what I have to do to win her over. «Oh... Maddie, damn it, was it still a sticky topic or not?» I looked at my mother, who seemed relaxed, much more relaxed
than that damn night when all the truths agreed to come out. almost at the same time. "Is Maddie going to spend the holidays here?" I asked a little casually. The last I heard from my mother on the subject was that Will already had custody and they were looking at how to make the girl understand what had happened. "It's time to make up for lost time," Will answered, getting up
from the table and smiling kindly at me. He left the kitchen, but not before kissing my mother on the cheek. I took the opportunity to investigate a little more. "What's going on, Mom," I asked, raising the coffee cup to my lips. My mother sat across from me and sighed deeply. -William feels guilty for everything that has happened. He wants to organize his life once and for all... Now
everything is upside down, I don't think anyone likes to discover from one day to the next that he has a seven-year-old daughter with her crazy ex wife. I widened my eyes a little surprised. My mother spoke in a tone that she had never used before, at least when I was around. He knew that it had been
buttons on the back. When I went down to the living room, I saw that my mother was just then receiving the first couple of guests and her children, eight-year-old twins, both with their blond hair combed back and dressed in light blue shorts and a tie. Her parents were familiar to me from having seen them in other meetings; I guessed that they must be very close to Will, because
my mother received them with such enthusiasm. I must have known them too, since they came up and greeted me very cordially. For my part, I forced a smile that didn't fade until they left for the living room, where the rest of the guests were. In those moments the doorbell rang again and to escape from them, I went to open the door myself, without thinking. Eyes the color of
deep ice locked on mine as soon as I opened it. I froze, not saying anything, just watching him like a silly, impressionable girl. I felt endless conflicting emotions: longing, desire, resentment, love... crowding my chest and making me almost speechless. It had been over three months since I'd last seen him, but they seemed like a breath to me as I realized how vividly I remembered
everything we'd done that last night. I felt myself getting hot just thinking about it and mentally encouraged myself to block out any type of thought not recommended for those under eighteen. Damn. He looked incredible... He was dressed in dark jeans and a white shirt, with the first two buttons undone, and gray Converse. His expression was surprised, it was clear that he didn't
expect to see me there at all. Next to him was his sister, who came to his waist. Her little hand was hidden behind Nick's big one, her seven-year-old girl's body was covered by a Scottish gray dress with red and white stripes. She was wearing black patent leather shoes and a red headband, matching her dress. All of this scrutiny lasted only a few seconds, because as soon as Maddie
recognized me she broke free of Nick's hand and jumped into my arms. "Noah!" Her," she yelled excitedly, hugging my legs and wrapping her arms around her waist. For an instant my eyes met Nick's, who had already changed his initial expression of astonishment to a cold impassive mask. My hands automatically went to Maddie's well combed curls and I summoned all my strength
to look away from him. -Hi gorgeous! -I greeted her noticing how big she was since the last time I saw her. That girl was going to be a true beauty when she grew up and now that I knew she was Will's daughter, I could see those features that I also saw in Nick and that I had mistakenly attributed to her mother... Now I had no doubt, those eyes so big and Those mile-long lashes were
Will's features, she was sure. Nicholas's mother was too blonde to have those eyelashes and she would put her hand on fire because hers were false. Maddie separated from my legs and with a smile she looked at Nick and me alternately, as if waiting for something. I tensed as Nick stepped forward, placing one of his big hands on my waist as he brushed his lips against my cheek. It
was a fleeting kiss, barely a touch against my skin, but all the hair on my body stood on end. "Happy Thanksgiving, Noah," he said as soon as he was away from me. "Happy Thanksgiving, Noah!" Maddie yelled then, jumping up and down and holding onto my hand tightly. She already understood what that was about: Nick didn't want his little sister to find out what was going on
between us or rather how he could barely look at me without her face contorting in disgust. Maddie had seen us together many times, she had seen how Nick hugged me, how he kissed me, how we laughed... Nick had told Maddie thousands of times that we were his girls, his favorite girls and that he loved us madly. Now the tension could be cut with a knife, as well as the coldness.
Indeed, the kiss that he had just given me was most false and forced. He had no idea if the girl would notice, but if he expected to see the same deal as before, he was sorely mistaken. I frowned, annoyed. He wasn't going to pretend in front of her, he wasn't going to go through that. Nicholas had hurt me, yes, I hurt him too, but at least I always had my feelings clear. I'm sorry, Noah,
but with her everything is easier. There is no drama, there are no problems. Sophia is a woman, not a girl. I pressed my lips together hard and gave him a poisonous look; then I forced a smile and pulled Maddie into the house. Nicholas followed me in, took off his black coat, and hung it on the coatrack. Maddie, when she entered, no longer seemed so smiling, and her little face
contracted into a grimace that ranged from fear to disgust. I knelt next to her and took off her little red coat. I held out my arm to give it to Nicholas, who took it and hung it next to his. Then Will and my mother appeared in the hall. Nick walked over to Maddie, who stepped between us, tucking her little head behind my body. She suddenly seemed nervous and shy. "Hi, Maddy!" my
mother greeted her, approaching us. I am Noah's mom. Can I see that beautiful dress you're wearing? Upon hearing that she was my mother, Maddie raised her eyes to me, and I smiled at her calmly, as if encouraging her to come out of her hiding place. "Are you Noah's mommy?" she asked, looking her up and down and peeking out a bit curiously. "Yes, I'm his mom and I'm also
married to your dad, to Will," she answered as he walked towards us. Will's nerves were in the air; I had never seen him like this and I assumed that this weekend was very important to him. Maddie raised her little blue eyes to her father, then pouted. "He's not my dad. Her voice was sharp. My goodness, seven years old and she could already freeze four adults with her words! So
Nick decided to intervene. He leaned down, took Maddie into her arms, and began to tickle her. The girl got distracted and started laughing. Will, for his part, seemed to recover from the shock of his daughter rejecting him so openly and forced a smile to his lips. -Let's eat! Him," he suggested cheerfully. There's food for a regiment, so I hope you eat your fill! We all went to the living
room, where the other guests were. Maddie seemed pleased to see that there were two children to play with, and she ran off to the remote-controlled train that Will had lowered for the children to play with, and she sat down to watch them drive the little trains. I noticed that Will couldn't take his eyes off Maddie and wondered what he would do to earn his daughter's acceptance.
I was about to follow her to sit with them when Nick caught my elbow and led me back into the hall, pulling me away from the group. "Are you staying for the weekend?" she asked me, and I knew from her expression that she was as amused as it was to me to be together again under the same roof. "I'm leaving on Monday, I have a law exam on Tuesday," she explained, as if she
were interested. The truth is that now that he was in front of him again, I couldn't stop thinking about the last words we had shared and the photos I had seen of him with Sophia. The rage that I felt inside and that I had tried to bury deep inside my being resurfaced, preventing me from keeping myself under control. "They should have told me about this," he said more to himself
than to me. His words annoyed me. He wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable with that situation. I went to leave, wanting to get away from him, but he held me by the arm again. I hated his touch and yanked hard to free myself. I stood in front of him and saw that he was looking at me in a strange way, somewhere between embarrassed and annoyed. "Before entering the
room..." he began saying without looking me in the eye, "you should know that my sister doesn't know anything about our breakup. Just as I had predicted. "You haven't told your sister we're not together," I accused, holding on to the anger I felt. She is a child, she would not understand. I looked up at the ceiling with a snort. "So what's your plan, huh, Nicholas? Pretend nothing
happened. I think we've already tried that and it didn't work." Damn, I shouldn't have mentioned our racy meeting in New York, but that's not exactly what I meant. Nicholas's gaze shifted almost involuntarily from him to my body and then to my face, making him slightly altered, something he covered by running his hand through his hair. When he turned to me he seemed a bit
nervous and worried. -I know I shouldn't ask you, but I don't want to tell him, not now at least, not when his parents have separated and now he has to adjust to his new family... -I calmed down a bit seeing him so over whelmed ; Anguish was reflected in his eyes and I knew why: his little sister, that adorable girl, was suffering. Maddie is crazy about you, she hasn't stopped asking me
about you and I just... "You've hidden the truth from her," I finished for him. "A nice way of saying I lied to you, but yes ,"he said, smiling slightly. I looked at his lips... I didn't remember when was the last time he had smiled at me and for a moment I got lost in that smile. "Listen, I'm not trying to fake anything, okay? Let's just try to get along this weekend, for Maddie's sake and for
us." I promise not to behave like a bastard. I bit my lip nervously. Getting along, was that possible? I didn't know if I would be able to do what he asked. Not when just looking at him still caused me great pain, which was increased by knowing that he was in love with another and that he had lied to me. I turned away from him and looked into the living room. Maddie was alone,
stranded in a family she barely knew, and she reminded me of myself when I first came to that house. "Okay," I said, avoiding his gaze. Let's get along. For Maddie. He wanted to tell me something, but I turned my back on him, wanting to get away from him. Returning to the living room, I realized that even though our meeting had taken place in the hall, Will and my mother had
noticed our asence and were watching us expectantly to see our state of mind. I ignored their questioning looks and hurried to sit at the table, where Prett was already serving food. Nick did the same and turned to his sister who, during those minutes we had been away, had burst into tears. "Don't leave me here alone, Nick," she begged as he picked her up and sat her on her lap. "I
just had to say something to Noah, baby, but I'm here now. Do you want to eat potatoes," she said warmly. I watched Nick with Maddie as he patiently waited for the girl to eat. She had wiped away the tears that had rolled down her cheeks with two soft kisses, which she reminded me of those times when she would kiss all my tears away and then end up placing her lips on mine.
He said they got really soft when he cried... As if he had read my thoughts, he raised his eyes and looked at me. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach and looked down at my plate. I fiddled with the food and when dessert was brought out I could only take a couple of bites of the pumpkin apple pie, which was delicious. After lunch we all returned to the living room and as soon as we
crossed the door Maddie almost ran out to catch the remote control train and start playing with it. Nick sat on one of the sofas while Thor, her dog, came to her feet so she could pat him behind the ears. Without warning, N, our kitten, who had already grown into a big ball of fur and had to be dragged out of the apartment because my new roommate was allergic, jumped onto
Nick's lap causing Thor to growl angrily. Those two hadn't hit it off very well, but at least they tolerated each other. Nick seemed surprised to see N there and I swear he looked at me guiltily when his eyes met mine. After all, it had been our cat and he had abandoned it. "My God... Who ate N?" he said, frowning as the cat lounged around him, purring without remembering that he
was our common enemy. Traitor! Maddie left the little train and ran to play with the kitten. Now that she was going to spend more time in this house, she was glad to know that he was going to have a pet to entertain himself with. Nick looked up, and before he could say or ask anything I was out of the living room and into the kitchen. She didn't want to have to explain to him why
she had ended up losing him too. Ten minutes later, he had put my apron on and was chatting amiably with Prett in the kitchen as he helped her dry the cutlery she was washing. I was laughing, despite myself, at a story he was telling me about Nicholas as a boy. "Once he couldn't think of anything else but to fill his pockets with grasshoppers, dozens of tiny grasshoppers. When I
took off his clothes to bathe him, the nasty bugs escaped and, jumping, invaded the bathroom, including the bathtub water. Steve and I took about three hours to get the damn bugs out of the house. Fortunately, when the gentleman returned, the boy was already in bed, fed and exhausted. I remember that the gentleman even congratulated me for doing a good job in our attempt
to tame that little monster. If he only knew... I laughed imagining a little Nick, with big blue eyes and wild hair, dressed in shorts and hunting grasshoppers to perpetrate this mischief. He was sure -indeed, he would put his hands in the fire- that his intention had been exactly that, to capture the attention of Prett and Steve. I heard a throat clearing behind me and we both turned with
a start: there, leaning against the wall, he was and he didn't take his eyes off me. I stopped laughing as soon as I saw him, though Prett kept smiling and shaking his head. -Telling my mischief, Prett Dirty laundry is washed at home, in private. You should be ashamed. "You left Steve and me dirty every time you came back from the street, yes sir," she replied, turning back to continue
washing. I fell in love with his gaze... There she was, half wet from the soap, her hair haphazardly tied up in a loose bun while he watched me thoughtfully. "Are you going back? People are starting to wonder where you're at." The people or you, Nicholas, I wanted to ask, but I bit my tongue and took off my apron. "God forbid I miss out on all that fun," I retorted sarcastically walking
over to the door and him. At that precise moment a sharp cry resounded throughout the house. Nicholas rushed around me and made a beeline for the drawing room, with me close on his heels. "We're older than you, so we'll play first!" -Said one of the twins to Maddie, who was with her little fists clenched on both sides of her body. She first looked at Nick, and then at Will, as if
wanting to see if the elders were listening to such injustice. -That train belongs to my father, so I play first! Isn't that? Will William stared at Maddie as if the words that had just come out of her mouth weren't true. Nicholas and I looked at Mad in surprise, and my mother smiled from where she was by the fireplace. Then it was Will's turn to do something, and with that characteristic
grace of his, he walked over to the children, kneeling beside them, standing level with Maddie and smiling warmly at her. "This train was mine since I was very little and then Nick played with it, so since you haven't been able to enjoy it yet, it's time for it to have a new owner." Will you take care of the train, Maddie Look, it's a family heirloom, only the Leisters can run this train.
Maddie seemed to be absorbed in Will's words, she was listening to him attentively, and after her question she nodded seriously. "So guys, the train is my daughter's, so if she wants to play first you'll have to wait, although I know Maddie is good and likes to share, isn't she Will sat up again and Mad looked up to observe him. She nodded, then turned to the twins, who looked rather
angry. -I let you look, but nothing to touch! -clarified the girl very determined. Almost everyone in the room burst out laughing. The afternoon passed uneventfully, the children playing easily, and Nick and his father retired to his office to discuss the company, so I chatted with my mother and her friend. We were deep in conversation when suddenly we heard a door slam and shouts
from across the hall. "Fuck, I don't have to give you any more explanations than the ones I've already given to the board!" I heard Nick's voice protest. Do you think he wanted to do it? There was no choice! The problem is that no one has had what it takes to make this decision and it bothers you that now the name Leister is going to be associated with it. The living room fell silent as
Nick and his father appeared in the middle of an argument. -You should have at least consulted with me, it is something very risky. No, Nicholas, listen to me! Will yelled as his son opened her mouth to interrupt him. If this doesn't go as planned, you'll bankrupt the company! Both father and son looked at each other furiously and the noise of the little train the children were playing
with brought them out of the bubble in which they were stuck. Nicholas seemed to be about to explode, he knew him very well... The way he clenched his fists, the way he looked at his father as if at any moment he was going to eat him alive. Then, sensing him watching him, he gave me a cold look, the kind that makes your knees go weak, and not sexually speaking. "It's about time
you trusted me," Nicholas said, then turned his back on us all and slammed the door out of the house. I looked around the corner of the room and noticed that Maddie was looking at us with wide eyes. She had no idea what had pushed them to get into that argument, but she also had no interest in witnessing anything else, much less swallowing looks that she didn't deserve. I went
to the corner and scooped Maddie into her arms. "Do you want me to show you my room, Madella?" The girl nodded, although she kept glancing towards the door through which her brother had disappeared a moment before. I smiled at the guests still there and headed up the stairs with Maddie perched on my hip. "Do you live here, Noah?" She lived, honey...she lived.

CHAPTER 19 NICK

I left my father's house and went to one of the many bars along the seafront. With the weather I was sure they would be deserted and what I needed at that moment was to be alone. I hadn't expected my father's approval when I told him what I planned to do with the company, but I also hadn't expected him to stand up to me the way he had. Since he had taken me over the
business, I had realized, after many meetings, charting, and doing a lot of numbers, that there were several small businesses of the corporation that were long overdue for liquidation. They just gave us trouble and generated ridiculous income. At first almost no one had supported my decision to put them up for sale, I wanted to liquidate them anyway and, with the money obtained,
open a new company with a more modern visualization and a different approach. Most of the corporation's businesses were running perfectly, managed by the best economic agents in the country, and one of my jobs at the beginning had been to visit many of the companies to make sure that the general policy of the Leisters was being followed. Well, after months of working and
after convincing the board, we had decided to put up for sale what was giving us more losses than gains, so not only was I facing numerous layoffs, but also the opening of a new marketing company and telecommunications that would reorient the economic strategy of Leister Enterprises to a place that we had not yet exploited. It had been a difficult decision, but the right one, after
all, and it pissed me off that my father wasn't capable of trusting me, and on top of that he believed that he could ruin the company. He handled the members of the board without any problem, but it was one thing to face them as the boss and quite another to face my father. And on top of that, Noah had witnessed part of the discussion, which had put me in an even worse mood. I
ordered a whiskey and drank it in one gulp. That stupid lunch had gone worse than she had imagined. I paid the bill and decided that she had to come back. I shouldn't have walked away, not leaving Mad there, but as much as it bothered me to admit it, I knew Noah was taking care of her and my sister was fine. Of all the people I knew, the only one my sister would confide in would
be her, not even my father. Noah…I didn't know if the truce we had agreed to had been a mistake. It was much easier to ignore how he felt about her if he was angry. Talking to her like we had today, as grown people, was too dangerous. Sometimes... many more times than I would admit out loud, I imagined forgiving her, I saw myself forgetting everything that happened, everything
we did to each other and trying to visualize what our life would be like now. But when I did, the memory of the reason for our breakup would haunt me again and everything would be erased, leaving only the hatred to which I had grown so well accustomed over the last year. Damn Noah... damn him for messing everything up! When I got to my father's house, I noticed that it was
much later than I had originally assumed. The lights were off and a deathly silence reigned throughout the house except in the living room, whose light illuminated the entrance slightly. I took off my jacket, left the keys at the entrance and went there. Sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa was Noah. He had changed into a comfortable sweater, had tied his hair up in a
loose bun, and was wearing black-rimmed glasses. He was immersed in reading, and a few open books were scattered around him. I noticed that the fire in the fireplace was dying down. "What are you doing?" I said quietly, walking into the living room. Noah started and went to answer, but kept quiet as I walked over to where she was sitting and picked up the book from between
her legs. Communication and Publicity Law, Volume I. "Study," he finally answered coolly. I looked at her and analyzed her expression, I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable in my presence. I knew that he had tolerated me for Maddie that day and that it was probably best for both of us to spend as little time together as possible, but right now what I needed was for Noah to be
Noah. "I see... Are you taking it that badly?" I said, turning my back on him and putting more logs in the fireplace. I leaned over to make sure the heat was concentrated in the center. Noah had set the logs too far apart and he would never get a fire big enough to heat the room. As the flames flared up, crackling and scorching hot, I sat up, brushed off her hands, and turned back to
her, who had been watching me intently. I noticed that her cheeks were red from the heat. The truth is that it was not that cold, but Noah was very chilly; I could remember how in the winter we had spent together she would stick to me under the sheets to warm her frozen feet with my skin, which always seemed to be very warm, especially when she was near her. "Quite a lot," she
said, returning her gaze to the books. Maddie fell asleep in my bed, just so you know, in case you go upstairs and don't find her. I nodded as I walked over to the couch near her and sat down. Noah was on the ground, but even so, the distance between us allowed us to hold each other's eyes. "Thank you for taking care of her," I said, still keeping my distance. Noah watched me
warily, like someone being stalked by a large dog that might be affectionate or might jump up and bite you without hesitation. -You are welcome; in fact, it was Will who put on his pajamas and told him a story... I nodded as I watched absorbed how his cheeks blushed at my scrutiny. "Then they tried to get her to sleep in her new room," he continued, and I leaned forward, distracted
by the way her lips moved, "but she insisted that she wanted to sleep with me, she He has asked a lot about you. You shouldn't have left. "I needed to think," I excused myself, noticing something that had gone unnoticed until then: on her left cheek, near her eye, there was a whitish scar, straight, as if she had cut herself on something. What is that you have there? I asked her and
surprised her when I reached out her hand and cupped her chin so I could get a better look at it. What the hell! Noah flinched at my touch and jerked away from her, forcing me to let go. "It's nothing," he answered, fixing his gaze on the book. — Nothing is not something that leaves a mark on you. What the hell happened to you? "I fell," he replied with a shrug. —Did you fall?
Where? The last time I saw you, you didn't have that scar. —"Or yes", I wasn't sure, the last time I saw her I wasn't quite in my right mind. Noah closed the book and focused on me, a little exasperated. "I've had it for over half a year, so yes, I had it the last time I saw you." I fell with the bike, it was nothing special, but they gave me points. "Since when do you have a motorcycle?" He
didn't quite know why he was suddenly so pissed off; When he arrived he had been calm and calm, I had liked walking through the door and finding her here, but now... now, damn it, I wanted to break something. "It wasn't mine, it belonged to a friend." Why are you being like that? I stood up and walked away, but I was so angry that I couldn't help but blurt out the first thing that
came to mind. —Only an idiot would go around with a motorbike, most fatal road accidents are from people riding those stupid motorbikes! Noah stood up, pursing his lips and tossing the book onto the couch haphazardly. —You have a motorcycle! —I'm not you, I don't have accidents. "Are you insinuating that I am an idiot, then?" I clenched my jaw hard. "Don't go on a motorcycle,
that's the only thing I'm telling you," I replied, trying to calm down. Noah had been in an accident, a bloody accident... months ago. Where had I been then Far... far away. Noah picked up his books and stopped in front of me before walking off. “Too bad you can't order me around anymore, can you, Nick?” I watched her leave with a bitter taste in my mouth.

CHAPTER 20 NOAH

The next day I woke up earlier than I'm used to on vacation, but I had a good reason and I was excited. Without making much noise I turned to the girl who was sleeping next to me, she was sleeping so soundly that I watched her for a while with amusement. She was small, but she moved more than a rambunctious animal, which reminded me of a certain person who would be
sleeping very close by right now. Her little body was crossed, almost taking up the entire bed, and I barely had room to move. I didn't want to wake Maddie while she was dressing me; Besides, it wasn't dawn yet and I needed to turn on the light to get ready, so I carefully got out of bed and took her in my arms, knowing that she was only going to mumble something in her sleep
before falling asleep again. Her little hands wrapped around my neck and I left her room with her hanging like a little monkey. I wondered if it was a good idea to take her to what was going to be her room from now on, I didn't want her to be scared when she opened her eyes and didn't know where she was, so I stopped in front of Nick's room. . He could leave her there, they would
both sleep later and when Maddie opened her eyes she would have her older brother to feel safe. I opened the door slowly, feeling very uncomfortable invading Nicholas's privacy. Before I had snuck in hundreds of times to be able to sleep with him and wake up hugging. I pursed my lips and pushed those thoughts out of my head. Nick was sound asleep, his body taking up almost
the entire bed and as always his room was pitch dark. I left the door open so I could see something and I went over to place the little girl next to him. When I set her down on the bed, Maddie automatically curled up in a ball and started sucking her thumb, as asleep as she had been on my bed minutes before. I bit my lip, suddenly nervous. I pulled the blanket over the girl. Nicholas
was never cold, he hadn't turned on the heating, and the room was an ice cube. Pulling on the blanket, I didn't realize that she was half tangled between her legs and, although I did everything very slowly and without sudden movements, Nick opened his eyes, half asleep. A smile came to his lips and I stopped where he was, as if I had frozen. His hand reached out, caught my arm,
and pulled me to sit next to him on the mattress. "What were you doing, freckles, spying on me?" he asked, and when I heard how he had called me, my heart began to beat wildly. A year, a year had passed since the last time he had referred to me with that affectionate name. He sat up and, without warning, his mouth sought my lips; it was an innocent and rare kiss, since I pulled
away as if I had been burned with fire. Then Nick seemed to realize it, he opened his eyes, looked around him, at his sister, then at me, and sighed to curse a second later. "For a moment I thought..." he said. "I know," I cut him off. He fully understood what had happened. I got up from the mattress, wanting to disappear. -I only brought you Mad, I didn't want her to wake up without
anyone she knew next to her. Nick nodded, looking at the little girl, and then looked back at me. "Wait, why? Where are you going?" he asked, pulling the blanket off him and running his hand over his face. "I have things to do... errands." I wasn't going to tell him where she was going, no, she'd already been through that once. Nicholas nodded with a frown, then widened his eyes as
he realized what he was hiding from her. "Oh come on!" He exclaimed too loud. "Shh," I chuckled. You're going to wake her up! Nick got up from the bed, took my arm and led me to his bathroom. He closed the door and looked at me condescendingly. -You are crazy! He," he blurted out, hiding his own amusement. -Let me! Don't laugh at me, it's a tradition, I like to go... Face it! Nick
shook his head in disbelief. "You hate shopping, you pick on your mom because she's buying stuff all day and she comes in the Friday after Thanksgiving and you're a shopaholic." Can you explain why? "I already explained it once," I replied, turning to leave, but he stopped me, barring my way with her damn body. He was smiling... Nicholas was smiling as he looked at me. I was so
affected by that reality that I let it hold me back. "It's Black Friday... people shop until late at night, there's hot chocolate, stores don't close..." he said in a lazy attempt to imitate my way of speaking. He surprised me that he remembered the same words that he had used to explain my obsession with that day, especially considering that it had been two years ago. "If you know, why
ask?" I replied annoyed. Nick shook his head, still smiling. "I was hoping you'd grown up and that nonsense you call Christmas had passed." Although he addressed me in an amusing way, he didn't miss the word "grow up." I remembered what he had said to me in his apartment in New York, and I felt him make me angry. "Leave me alone, will you?" I was out of the bathroom before
he could open his mouth again. Sometimes I forgot what a jerk he could be. Half an hour later I went down to the kitchen, clad in jeans and a wide off-white sweater. I wanted to be comfortable, Black Friday was crazy and I was an expert in finding the best sales. Despite how early it was, five minutes after she had poured me a cup of coffee, Nick and Maddie appeared in the kitchen,
both in their pajamas, their hair tousled. Nick had Mad slung over her shoulder and the girl laughed at her as he threatened to knock her off her feet. Seeing me sitting there, Madison struggled to get her brother to put her down and she came running to sit next to me. I helped her into the chair while Nick went directly to pour himself a cup of coffee. -I want the same as Noah! Her,"
she asked, jumping up and down and pointing to my chocolate doughnut. Nick watched her with a frown. "First measure your sugar levels, dwarf," he told her, leaving a little device in front of her on the table along with a glass of hot milk. Maddie sighed, but she continued to do as her brother asked. I watched her without being able to believe that at the age of seven she was doing
that by herself. I looked at Nick, who was busy beating some eggs, and felt the need to do something. "Should I help you, honey," I said, even though I hadn't much of a clue about correct sugar levels or anything like that. "I can," answered the girl, taking a strip out of a box, then she took out a device with a lancet to prick herself, placed it on one of her fingers, squeezed the upper
part, and with a click, a drop of blood came out of her skin. With incredible skill, the skill that she gets from doing that about three times a day from the moment she was diagnosed with the disease, she passed the droplet of blood onto the strip and then fed it into the machine. A few seconds later, she read her sugar levels out loud. "No more donuts, Mad, but I have cookies and an
apple that's delicious," Nick said, picking up his cup of coffee, cookies, and fruit and sitting down next to his sister, who was giving him a scowl. I knew there were more donuts and I cursed the moment it occurred to me to eat one that morning, I didn't want to make the poor creature jealous, so I picked it up, took it from the table and threw it in the trash. "I don't like those cookies,"
he protested, crossing his arms. Nick watched her with a sigh. "They're the ones you always eat, Madison, and you like them." -No! She yelled, jumping out of the chair with the intention of running away. Nick reached out and caught it on the fly. Just then Will came through the door, also in his pajamas and looking at his son with a scowl on his face. "What are these screams?" he
asked, looking around and noticing me a few seconds too long. What are you doing dressed? I rolled my eyes and circled him so I could get the eggs Nick had left on the fire. I put them on a plate and brought them to the table while Maddie watched her father in amazement. "Eat your breakfast," her brother ordered, sitting her down again at the table. Will picked up his mug and the
newspaper that was sitting on the table and went to sit down. Then he realized that the three of us, Nick, Maddie and I, were watching him expectantly. William looked at Nick, then at me-who nodded in Mad's direction-and then his eyes fell on the girl he was sitting directly across from him. "Hmm..." he said, clearing his throat a second later. How did you sleep, Maddie? The girl
dipped the cookie into the glass of milk, then raised it to her mouth, and so she answered the question. "I slept with Nick and Noah." William half choked on his coffee. He shifted his gaze from Nick to me. -What the hell! He exclaimed leaving the cup on the table. Nicholas caught a quick glance with me and began to explain. William nodded a few seconds later, looking at us with a
scowl. Suddenly, I felt like I needed to get out of there. "I'm out," I announced, grabbing my bag and setting my mug in the sink. Will watched me with raised eyebrows. "Are you going to go to that hell again?" Nicholas smiled behind his coffee cup and I wanted to throw the bag at his head. "Yeah, William, I'm going to go shopping and willingly put myself through that hell because I'm
a masochist, okay," I replied irritably just as my mother decided to make an appearance. Oh my God, she had forgotten what it was like to live at home. "Stay away from the avalanches, Noah," she advised, walking past me and into the kitchen. I shook my head as I searched my bag for my car keys. "Where is Noah going?" Maddie asked then. "I'm going shopping, Mad," I said before
anyone could make another stupid comment. The girl's eyes widened with excitement. -I want to go shopping! She yelled surprising us all. William watched her over the top of the newspaper. "You are worthy of your mother's daughter," he said through his teeth, going back to reading. I smirked as Nick watched his sister with a frown. "Did you hear that, Nick Maddie wants to go
shopping," I commented, enjoying myself like a dwarf. Nick glared at me with his pale eyes and turned to the little girl. -No. Mad wants to go to the beach with me. what yes, dwarf Maddie filled her lungs before replying, "No! How good revenge felt! "Come on, Madison, you told me you wanted to learn to surf!" I hate surfing! I want to go to Rodeo Drive! We all burst out laughing
except Nick, who was looking at the girl as if she had turned into a little monster. "Okay, I'm leaving," I reported walking out the door. Nick caught up with me just before leaving. "You don't think I'm going to face this alone, do you," he said, giving me a dirty look. "Face what?" I asked, trying not to laugh. -If I have to spend the day shopping with a seven-year-old girl, you're going to
do it with me, make no mistake about it. "I'm not going to Rodeo Drive, I'm going to the Beverly Center," I replied with a shrug, a smile on my lips. Nick glared at me with his blue eyes and I enjoyed my little revenge. "I'll pick you up at lunchtime, Noah, and you better be there when I call you. "Nicholas..." "And go with Steve: parking today is going to be crazy; besides, that way we will
return together when we return. I want to go in my car. "And I wanted to surf and enjoy the beach in winter and now I have to go shopping because of you," she blurted out. Ten minutes later Steve was taking me to one of the biggest malls in the city. The Beverly Center was a shopping mall located in Beverly Grove, a neighborhood in downtown Los Angeles that was just ten
minutes from Beverly Hills. Yes, I had crossed town to get there and I was going to have to hurry if I had to meet Nick and his sister at lunchtime, but Black Friday was worth it. As always, everything was completely insane: it was packed to the brim, queues reached the doors of the shops, children were running here and there, crying or eating things that would make them, their
parents and everyone else around dirty. . Men and women dressed in their most comfortable shoes walked in and out of the shops as if they were on a fox hunt. I liked going alone because that way there were no distractions. Also, I was fast, yes, very fast: I knew in the first five minutes of entering a store if there was going to be something there that I was going to like or not; I
didn't waste time searching through the clothes, the clothes called me, and if nothing caught my attention when I entered, good-bye. By two in the afternoon she had already bought almost all the Christmas presents. My cell phone rang in my pocket and I saw that Nicholas had just texted me. I'll pick you up at Macy's in ten minutes. Great... my desire to stay with him was practically
nil.

CHAPTER 21 NICK

I knew that Noah hated going shopping with people, and for that reason I had spent the morning alone with Maddie. We had gone to the bookstore, to the toy store, and to the playground. She had begged me to buy her a costume; while all the girls her age wore crowns and princess dresses, my weird sister had chosen the ninja turtle one. Yeah, so now she was walking through
Beverly Grove with a miniature ninja turtle and several bags of things she hadn't meant to buy. Just as my father had said, my sister was my mother's daughter. "Where's Noah?" he'd asked me incessantly ever since I'd told him we'd meet her. "That's what I would like to know," I answered, sitting outside the mall and waiting for him to come out at once. Steve would be there in no
time to pick us up, even though the traffic was crazy...you couldn't even pull in the second row. Just as I took out my cell phone to call her, I saw her appear. She was laden with bags, the sweater she had put on of hers was now tied around her waist and underneath she wore a simple tank top that cut to her navel. Mad ran out to meet her while I pushed my sunglasses up on her
head and gawked at her like an idiot. "I love your costume, Mad!" -She said smiling at him and revealing her beautiful white teeth. It had been so long since I had seen that smile that I felt a sting in her chest. "There was your size, I'm sure we can find you one if you want," my little sister commented, which made Noah laugh. Noah disguised as a ninja turtle... what I was missing!
Although Noah disguised with many other things crossed my mind, forcing me to put my glasses back on and hide my lustful thoughts. "Hello," I greeted when we finally met halfway. "Hey," she replied rather dryly. I frowned curiously. "Let me help you," I offered, taking the bags from her hands. She resisted at first, but in the end she let me. Her eyes drifted from mine and back to
my sister. "How long have you been here?" "For a couple of hours," I answered, taking out my cell phone and looking at the messages. Steve was in the corner waiting for us with the car badly parked -. Come on. Five minutes later we had left the madness behind. I took them to eat at a restaurant away from all the commercial areas. We ate ribeye and potatoes while my sister did
most of the talking. To be honest, she had no idea what she was doing or what she was playing, but suddenly she had the almost vital need to be alone with Noah. She had barely spoken to me and, although things were tense between us, more than tense actually, she believed that our truce would work out better, really. When I left the restaurant, I noticed that in the opposite
building there was a children's playground, one of those with colored balls and jumping mats, with slides and lots of children running around non-stop. "Mad, do you want to go there?" I asked, pointing to what was paradise for any child under the age of ten. My sister jumped up and down with joy as Noah scowled at me. Yeah, well, it hadn't been as subtle as I thought. I paid to
have the little monster held for an hour and I asked Noah to go for a walk. "You seem very quiet," I commented as we entered a pedestrian street, full of bars, shops, and ice cream parlors. Are you tired? Noah kept looking ahead. "Yeah, I guess... I got up really early." We continue walking without saying anything. That was ridiculous, we had never been together for so long without
saying words. Noah, the one who wouldn't shut up even underwater, who many times I had to silence with a kiss or distract with caresses to give me a break, now seemed interested in anyone but me. "Okay, that's enough!" What the hell is wrong with you?" I inquired annoyed. She looked at me surprised. "There's nothing wrong with me..." she said, though she hesitated at the end
of the sentence. I waited, trying not to get exasperated. It's just that this isn't what she expected. We were supposed to be with your sister, why did you put her in that bloody playground? Do you know the one about diseases that are transmitted there? Lice, for example! Now I'm sure we all get lice because you've decided to change your plans... the three of us were supposed to
take a walk in the park before returning home; besides, I still had some shopping to do... You didn't consider if I was done when you called me, but you're so used to giving orders: See you in five minutes,' she mimicked my voice. Well, maybe I wasn't ready, had you thought about that? And no, don't look at me like that! This is... weird, yeah, I'm not comfortable. I opened my eyes in
surprise trying to contain the urge to laugh, yes I had been keeping things quiet, yes. "Not comfortable with what?" I asked with mock disbelief. Noah stopped and turned to me. -With this! She answered pointing at both of us. You and I. You act like we're still together! Her," she blurted out as if it had cost her her life to say something like that. I agreed to the truce for Maddie's sake,
but I'm not going to fool myself and I'd appreciate it if you didn't either. Or do I remind you of the things you said to me the last time I saw you? I took a deep breath. Deep down, she knew Noah was right. He had told her that he was in love with Sophia to get her to move on, but he knew it wasn't going to be that easy. "I've treated you as if you were a friend, nothing more," I said,
becoming serious. Noah looked around, she seemed affected. After a few seconds he looked at me again. "I prefer your hostility," she blurted out then, and I felt a sting in my chest. I really prefer it, I can deal with it, I'm used to it; instead, what you do now... - she shook her head looking at the ground. I wish I had lifted her chin so I could meet hers eyes. I know you're doing it for
your sister, but it hurts and confuses me. I don't want to spend time with you, I don't want to go for a walk, or have lunch, or ask me things like why I have a scar or why I'm riding a motorcycle... Those matters of my life no longer concern you and I know that I was the one who screwed everything up, but you made a decision and I would like you to stick to it. I shifted my gaze to the
trees behind me, feeling like shit. Yes, it's true that I had done that for Maddie, but a part of me had wanted to spend time with her, because, damn it, I missed her so much... "Very good," I said somewhat curtly. Let's go find my sister. I turned on my heel and started walking down the street. It didn't take long for Noah to stand next to me and that feeling... that feeling of having her
close, but at the same time miles away, managed to turn me back into the ice statue that without realizing it had begun to stop being the yesterday. We passed some stores and just as we were about to turn towards the playground, my mother, yes, my mother appeared in front of us. I stopped as soon as I saw her. Despite what the law now stipulated, I had continued to refuse to
see her and it had been the nanny who had brought my sister to me the day before. Seeing her there again, considering we hadn't met since the night she decided to spew truth at the Leister Enterprises anniversary, was a most unpleasant surprise. As always, she was very elegant, in a cashmere dress, high heels, and her hair in a bun; although I thought I saw dark circles under her
clear eyes, dark circles that my mother's expensive makeup should have covered better. "Nicholas! Her," she exclaimed, surprised to see me right under her nose. I clenched my jaw hard before speaking. "Yes, mother, what an unpleasant coincidence to meet like this." She squared her shoulders, taking the blow I guess. The truth is that I didn't give a damn, because her relationship
with her was still just as bad... what am I saying, it was non-existent. "Hello, Noah," he said, turning to her, who obviously tensed beside me. Given the circumstances and our parents' past, I wouldn't be wrong to think that my mother was on Noah's list of bitterest enemies; what's more, she surely had a privileged place at the top. She did not return the greeting. -We are in a hurry. If
you'll excuse us..." I said with the firm intention of continuing on my way. Nonetheless, my mother took a step forward of her and placed her hand on my arm, holding me back. "I wish I could talk to you, Nicholas. -Yes, it was clear in all the messages that you have left my secretary, but I think she has been concise enough in her response when she told you that I am not interested in
her. Reflexively I took Noah's hand; suddenly I felt that he was drowning me and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I pulled her and we brushed past her with the clear intention of taking off without looking back. "It's about Maddie, Nicholas," my mother announced from behind me. That got me stopped. I turned to her reluctantly. -Anything that happens with my sister
you can tell my father, he will take care of bringing me up to date. My mother seemed to break down, she looked at me with pleading eyes and all my defenses collapsed. My mother begging, "Give me a few minutes, Nick, please." My eyes drifted to Noah, who suddenly looked just as intrigued as I did. "Okay," I agreed. What's up? My mother made a gesture between surprised and
relieved and led us to a cafeteria that was just ahead. Noah sat next to me and she sat across from me. It was all so strange to me that I needed to get it over with as soon as possible. "Okay, shoot, we don't have all day." Despite the fact that my mother seemed to have shown some weakness by asking me to please give her a few minutes, she squared her shoulders at my last
comment and looked at me with an unfriendly face. There was the Anabel Grason of my memories. "Very well, since you can hardly try to be a little tactful with me, I am going to cut the formalities and flourishes, too." You want to keep it short, so I'll keep it short," she said, setting her cup down on the saucer and looking at me steadily. I'm sick, Nicholas. There was a silence at the
table, a silence broken by the noise made by the crystal glass he was holding from her as it fell on top of her. "What do you mean you're sick?" I said, instantly pissed off. This surely was some kind of ruse, I don't know what purpose he was pursuing with it, but it seemed pathetic to me. "What am I going to want to say?" she answered, and now yes, when I looked closely, I saw that
her hard expression faltered to reveal a fear and insecurity that I had never seen in her until now. She took a deep breath and stared at me before blurting out the next words. I have leukemia. "What the hell are you saying," I said almost instantly, feeling my voice drop two octaves. My mother clasped her hands in her lap and leaned back in her seat. -I was diagnosed more than a
year and a half ago... I wanted to tell you, I didn't want to tell you over the phone, that is if you deigned to pick it up. Your father has known this for months, he promised me he wouldn't tell you anything, I wanted to tell you... I know you hate me, but you're my son and... His voice began to tremble and suddenly I felt myself falling, falling and falling to a bottomless pit and I was
going to crash... it was a matter of seconds: I would crash and I don't know what would happen next, but nothing good, that's for sure. Then I felt someone squeeze my hand hard, a small, warm hand that had reached under the table and promised not to let go. I looked at Noah, who was standing next to me and looking at my mother with...pity? I felt my fingers clinging to her as if
she were suddenly my only point of reference, because what my mother was telling me couldn't be? TRUE. "I didn't want to tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, I just wa
heart. There was the love of my life... the same one that had damaged me like all those people that I had let into it. Did I hate Noah? I had hated her and there was a very high probability that I still hated her right at that moment, what am I saying, that was when I hated her the most, because right at that moment was when I needed her the most, right there was when I noticed her
absence, when my mind screamed for me to go looking for it and my heart hopefully waited for someone to provide some kind of internal peace, some kind of truce from pain. I opened her door without even pausing to knock. She was in her bed, awake and surrounded by books again. My sister was asleep next to her, across the mattress and sucking her thumb as she had done
since she was ten months old. I looked back at Noah, who carefully closed the book, removed his glasses, and focused his full attention on me. "Where have you been?" he asked without raising his voice. You've been out of it for like five hours...Nicholas, are you okay? I walked over to her and took the book from her hands and put it on the nightstand. "I want to talk to you," I said,
pointing to her door. Noah hesitated, and that kindled something inside me. You owe me," I added through gritted teeth. We watched each other for what could have been minutes. Finally, and without saying anything, he got out of bed and followed me to my room. When our eyes met I couldn't contain myself anymore, I took her face in my hands and kissed her with all my might.
Her back hit the door and I felt her breathing again. In the darkness around us, I could barely tell how tense she was, but after a few intense seconds he turned his face and stepped away from me. "Don't do this, Nicholas," he warned me in a barely intelligible whisper. My hand brushed back a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, carefully, making the contact as long as
possible. His fragrance surrounded me, he drove me crazy with desire, with love... That smell of his so characteristic, so rich, so special. I could get drunk just smelling it. And that was what he needed right then. My hand of hers caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes, exhaling in a gasping way. Was she suffering like me? Was she suffering from her because of how much it hurt
her to be away from me? "Why can't I forget about you?" I raised with my forehead on hers. Why do I feel like you're the only one who can help me at a time like this? "Nicholas..." she said, opening her eyes to look at me. What I felt was so intense when our gazes met that I leaned over and buried my face in her neck; she couldn't keep hers, she couldn't stand it. I rested my lips on
the soft skin of her throat, first slowly, barely brushing her, then I stroked the tip of my nose along a line from her hairline to her clavicle. My hand traveled to her waist and I pulled her to me, she needed more, much more. Noah's hands came to rest on my chest: at first I thought they were stroking me, but lost as I was in it, I didn't realize until a few seconds later that they were
pushing me back. "You're not thinking clearly, you don't want to do this," she stated. I separated a bit. My hands moved up her bare thighs barely covered by a nightgown and gently caressed her legs. I stopped when I got to his ass, thinking, damn it, wondering if what was happening wasn't some crazy thing I'd regret later. My lips kissed his cheeks, the corner of her half-open
mouth, her eyelids... to bury myself again in her throat. She wasn't kissing anymore... At that point I just let myself go, sucked and nibbled to my heart's content. I was lost in it, lost in a kind of limbo where what we had done to each other seemed to have ceased to exist. Noah blew out a ragged breath, and that pushed me on. I lifted her freehand and wrapped her legs around my
waist. Her hands took my face and once again we saw each other as if we were meeting after an eternity. I didn't see rancor in her eyes, I didn't see anything other than the love that I felt for her, the love for me that I was sure continued to live in her heart, a love that had to disappear, damn it, a love that for a long time that I tried to bury always struggled to get out at the worst
moments, making me act against all my principles. "I need you," I confessed against her lips. Her breath mixed with mine and I thought she was fainting with pleasure. Finally that contact that would calm all my pain. I didn't hesitate anymore, I stopped playing the moment her lips brushed against mine in a timid response to my words. I launched myself on her, on her mouth, my
body pressed her against the door and hers lips opened to receive me. I kissed her like she was our first time. I pushed against hers, her body, she needed to touch something, she needed something that would ease the torture she was subjecting my body to. "I'm going to make love to you, Noah," I announced as if it were something inevitable, something that had to happen.
Everything has been shit ever since we broke up, my life keeps falling apart with each passing day; I hate having to need you like I do, I hate knowing that right now you are the only one capable of making me forget even for a few minutes that my mother is dying. I felt the tears come to my eyes and I kissed her so she wouldn't notice her. She shook her head, and the moonlight
streaming through the window allowed me to see the tears that wet her skin. "You know this will only make things worse," she whispered, pressing her forehead to mine and squeezing her eyes shut. She was able to feel how her heart was beating wildly, almost at the same time as mine. "It can't get any worse... things can't be more screwed up than they are now," I replied, taking
her chin between my fingers and looking at her bright and sad eyes. "This will only hurt us more..." he whispered again. Tomorrow morning nothing will have changed... I kissed one of her tears, scooping it up with the tip of my tongue and savoring the salty taste in my mouth. "That night in New York you asked me to act as if I had forgiven you," I commented, resting my lips again
and catching another tear from her cheek. Now I need you to do the same for me. I felt the tremor of her body against mine, I put my lips on hers with force and turned with her towards my bed.

CHAPTER 22 NOAH

She didn't leave me when she left me standing next to the bed and her mouth began to kiss each part of my body with infinite tenderness as she undressed me. First she pulled my nightgown up with painful slowness until she pulled it over her head and dropped it beside her. I watched in amazement as he shed his shirt and pants and was left with just his boxers. I forced myself to
look away from his heart-stopping body and watched as his eyes darkened when he saw me there in front of him, it was as if we couldn't believe what we were going to do. It was different from what happened in New York. We were both hurt and angry then, and our encounter was cold and sexual, but now, after our truce, after having spent a few days with hardly any arguments,
and after hearing such cruel news, the emotional charge we felt was impossible to shake. ignore. His fingers trailed to the small of my back and he stared at me. I was wearing a black lace bra, nothing fancy, nothing I would have worn if I had known something like this was going to happen... Because was I going to let it happen? He noticed because he pulled me towards him and
pressed his lips to my ear. "Please, Noah," he said, running his hand down my back and up again, a caress that gave me goosebumps. His mouth lowered to brush the top of my breasts. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding my breath and wishing he didn't have that magnificent control over me, over my body. Then he made me turn, my back collided with his chest and while his mouth
played with my neck, kissing my nape and caressing my hair, his other hand went down my stomach, down and down until it got into my panties and touched me without hesitation. shame. His lips went to my ear and licked my sensitive skin. I let out a breathy moan and wished that this was really making love, I wanted with all my might to forget about our past and pretend that we
were together, that Nick was touching me and that we would do it on his bed, like the first time, like that. time he took my virginity and told me he loved me. He took off my underwear and laid me down on the bed and then fell on top of me. He kissed my breasts and nibbled until my back arched with desire. His hand caressed my left leg, grasping my ankle, lifting it until the sole of
my foot rested against the mattress next to his hip. He kissed my leg all the way to his thigh, nibbled gently and ran his tongue over it, as if my skin tasted like chocolate. He tortured me for long minutes until I felt like he could explode with just one more touch. He asked me something, and I nodded without even registering what he was saying. He carefully brought his mouth to mine
and I felt the weight of his body on me. Our eyes met for infinite seconds until he finally grabbed me by the waist and with a quick movement he entered me. He hurt me and I hit an involuntary cry. His eyes searched mine with a hint of confusion and concern. "How long have you not done it, Noah," he said speaking into my ear, while he moved, causing me pain, causing me
pleasure... I no longer knew where I was, or what I was doing, I could only concentrate on feeling, feel, yes, because it had been months since I felt anything at all. "Too long," I replied, clinging to his body tightly. Nicholas stopped and his eyes searched mine. "You haven't done anything since what happened in New York," he asked me incredulously, but was it relief that met my eyes?
"I haven't done anything since we broke up, Nicholas. His eyes flared and he kissed me hard as he resumed his movements. Her thrusts slowed, her movements more loving, her mouth kissing me again, she tugged at my bottom lip and then sucked on it sweetly. My hands fastened on his arms and I focused on the pleasure of sharing that special union again. I pressed my cheek
against his and held on tight. "Tell me you love me," I asked into her ear with a broken voice. My request got him to stop. Please... "Don't ask me that," he complained, fixing his gaze on mine. Forgetting you is the most fucked up thing I've ever had to do in my life. I don't even know what I'm going to do to get back to reality after this. "Then stay with me," I begged, taking advantage
of the vulnerability of the moment. I didn't care, I needed him as much or more than he needed me. My hands dug into his hair and when I began to slowly stroke him his eyes squeezed shut. I kissed him everywhere, I clung to him with all my might. "Tell me, Nick...please," I asked, my voice shaking. His mouth silenced me, and his kisses grew more intense. He wanted me to shut up,
he wanted me to only be aware of the clash of our bodies... his body, sweaty, pressed against mine, skin to skin, the most intimate of caresses. He seemed angry, excited, and sad, all at once. "Come on, Noah...give me what I want, give me what I need...please." His thrusts grew stronger, faster. I was losing connection with what was around me, with feelings, with problems, with
everything, the orgasm was dangerously approaching, it would be one of those who destroy everything. At last I screamed with pleasure, screamed arching up and pulling away from the bed. He kept moving until he came inside me, letting out a growl that he muffled against my skin and then plopping down on my chest. He had been perfect, yes, but he hadn't told me "I love you."
When we recovered, Nicholas went into the bathroom and I thought it was going to be like that time in New York, when he came out after taking a shower, threw me a T-shirt and asked me to get dressed, but I was wrong: he lay next to me. me and hugged me against his body. He didn't understand anything... Did that mean something? I rested my cheek on his chest, feeling as if
liquid happiness had been supplied to me in a vein. I didn't want him to go away, I didn't want to lose him again. I hugged him tightly and closed my eyes, I was exhausted. Nicholas began to run his fingers through my hair, up and down, stroking it until I felt drowsy. I knew that that night I would dream of beautiful things, with him and I together again at last... I would have a dream in
which neither hate nor mistakes existed and the love we professed for each other would be the only thing that mattered. Inevitably, the morning brought with it a whole repertoire of truths and insecurities and when I opened my eyes very early, I understood that what had happened in that room was not going to happen again: Nicholas was with someone else, and not with just any
other: he was with Sophia. , with her, with one of the causes that all the planets aligned that fateful night and forced me to do what I did. I looked at him, he was asleep and his arm pressed me against his chest as if he never wanted to let go. I would have given anything to freeze that moment, but I knew that when his eyes opened again, rancor and regret would stare back at me,
and I didn't know if I was ready for that. He had needed me, his mother was ill, he had used me to lick his wounds... "You owe me," he had said, looking at me fixedly and without mincing words, and it was true, I owed him! And now, hours later, I realized that what had happened was wrong, things were not done that way, they were not asked that way; that episode was going to be
added to the long list of painful memories, although that one in particular preferred to keep it to myself. I'd rather stay with that "farewell," so to speak, than wait to see him reject me again. Careful not to wake him, I grabbed Nicholas's arm and pulled him off me. The best thing would be to leave, get away from him, from his sister, from any painful memory. He would invent an
excuse with my mother or maybe I didn't need to invent anything. I couldn't go on like this, I had to get over it, I had to move on with my life. Nicholas had been a part of me, he would always have a hole in my heart, what am I saying, he would always have my heart, but I needed to be me again, to love myself again, to learn to forgive myself. I packed as quickly and as quietly as
possible. Maddie was still curled up between my sheets, asleep like a little angel. When I came out of my room, already dressed and ready to leave, instead of feeling relieved, relieved to have finally settled that story, I felt as if I were closing a book that had touched my soul, a book that I would always remember... I felt that regret of having finished a magical and incredible book and
that it didn't matter if I could read it again, it would never be like the first time. There, that morning, I closed an important chapter of my life. A chapter, yes... but we must not forget that after a chapter there is always another or an epilogue, for example. The ride home was excruciating. My body was screaming for me to go back, climb into bed with Nick, and sleep until there were
no hours left, but my mind kept hammering at me with how stupid I had been, how stupid I was to think that something could have happened. to change. What I kept wondering was why, if Nick and I had broken up over a year ago, I was crying now as if we were really over. At one point I had to pull off the road, I had to turn off the engine and hug the wheel to sob without the
danger of colliding with someone. I cried for what we had been, I cried for what we could have become, I cried for his mother sick and for his little sister... I cried for him, for having managed to disappoint him, for having broken his heart, for getting him to open up to love just to show him that love didn't exist, at least not without pain, and that pain He was capable of marking you
for life. I cried for that Noah, that Noah who had been with him: that Noah full of life, that Noah who, despite his inner demons, had known how to love him with all his heart; I knew how to love him more than I would love anyone and that was also something to cry about. When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, there is no turning back. Many people
never get to know that feeling, they think they have found it, but they are wrong. I knew, I know, that Nick was the love of my life, the man I wanted as the father of my children, the man I wanted to have by my side through thick and thin, in sickness and in health until the death of him. Death forced us to part. Nick was him, he was my half, and it was time to learn to live without
her.

CHAPTER 23 NICK

As much as I loved my sister, that morning she was not what I expected to see as soon as I opened my eyes. I sat up trying to focus, trying to determine why the left side of my bed was empty, how I hadn't noticed that Noah had woken up and left my room. The answer to that question was that he had managed to sleep soundly for the first time in a year. "Where's Noah?" my sister
kept asking, as she bounced on the mattress. That question caught me off guard. Like, where was he? "Isn't he in his room," I said, finally standing up and running my hand over my face in an attempt to clear my head. I went to the bathroom to throw water on myself and thus focus on the new day, a day in which I was going to have to give many explanations and in which I was going
to have to consider many things. Yesterday had not been simple sex, no, not at all, it had been much more, I had let myself be carried away by past feelings... and for the first time in a long time I had felt good. "She's not here, Nick," Maddie repeated. With a frown I went to his room, opened the door and, sure enough, there was no one there. I looked around for his things... his
books and his little suitcase were gone. -Fuck! I cursed under my breath. "You said a dirty word!" I looked down and realized that this was not the best time to have to take care of Madison. -Dwarf, go down to the kitchen, Prett will prepare your breakfast, come on! I encouraged her when she went to argue. "Noah's gone," she asked me, visibly upset. Yes, well, there were already
two of us. "I don't know, now come down, I'm not going to repeat it to you," I told him and from the way he glared at me with his beautiful blue eyes, I knew that this was going to have consequences after a while. Without saying anything else, she turned and ran toward the stairs. I went into my room and searched for my mobile phone until I found it. Without even stopping to think
I dialed his number and not once but twice more. "Damn it, Noah, did you have to leave like this" he was pissed off, a lot, too. I considered taking the car and going after her. Why had he left? He had treated her badly No, of course not, damn, he had treated her like always, we had done it like when we were together. Yes, okay, she had wanted more, she had asked me for more...
Tell me you love me... she couldn't tell him. It hurt too much. I went down to the kitchen in a bad mood, my father was there with my sister, they were talking animatedly about something, well the one who talked non-stop was Maddie, and Rafaella watched them with a smile on her lips. When they saw me enter they both noticed me and I mumbled a good morning before heading
towards the front door with a cup of coffee in my hands. When I saw Noah's junk car, the relief of knowing he hadn't really left washed over me. But if the car was there, where was Noah, where were his things... It didn't take me long to see that Noah's Audi was no longer parked in the garage. He had left. I realized at that moment that not telling her what she needed to hear had
been more effective in driving her away from me than all my lies. She had gotten what she had wanted: to turn the page. But then... why did I feel an emptiness inside me, an emptiness that had disappeared as soon as I saw her? It didn't help my bad mood that my father called me into his office to talk to me. After the argument we'd had on Thanksgiving day we hadn't talked again,
but something told me that this time he didn't want to talk about work. "Your mother called me yesterday to tell me that she met with you and that she told you that she's sick," she said when I walked into her office. I gave a wry laugh as he led me to the bar and poured me a drink. It was ten in the morning, but I didn't care. -I see that now you are very friendly, you tell each other
everything. How does Rafaella take that, dad? Or is it that you've also hidden it from him? My father didn't enter into my provocation, he simply waited, with his hands crossed on his stomach, sitting in his big leather chair, for me to drink my drink and serve me another one. When at last I found myself in the mood to turn to him, it was with anger, with anger and with a new and
profound sadness that I had never felt before. "When were you going to tell me?" -I yelled. "Your mother asked me not to," he replied with mock calm. I laughed sarcastically. -You know, dad It's funny to see how depending on whether he hurts you or not, you decide to tell things or hide them. You had no problem hiding from me that you cheated on my mother during practically
your entire marriage, you also had no problem hiding from me that she left for that very reason... You let me believe that she just left without any explanation! My father got up from the chair and turned to the window. "Your mother wasn't coming back ,Nicholas, I know her, and when she decided to leave you here she did so knowing what she was doing." I didn't tell you anything
because I didn't want you to hope to see her again, I didn't want you to chase after a lie. "My whole life has been a fucking lie!" -I needed to calm down, I needed to control the tremors that seemed to want to take over my body and my hands. I clenched my fists tightly. What will happen to Madison? My father, seeing that he controlled my tone of voice, turned back to me. "She has
to stay here, it's the best for her," he answered, and I began to shake my head... The best? The best for whom? Nicholas, your sister has to be in a safe and warm environment, I don't want her to be surrounded by doctors and hospitals, and have to watch your mother undergo chemo, she is very young. "He needs her mother." My father stared at me, his eyes, so similar to mine,
remained fixed on my pupils. It had been a long time since he had looked at me like that, years maybe, and I began to feel a lump in my throat that was getting bigger and bigger. My father walked over and carefully placed his hand on my shoulder. "This isn't the same thing that happened to you, Nick," he said. Hearing it, I could only clench my jaw tightly. I won't let it happen this
time, I promise you; Maddie will see her mother, keep in touch with her, I won't make the same mistake again. I shook my head, the words stuck in my throat; suddenly I felt like when I was twelve years old and my father explained to me that my mother was not coming back. "I've never apologized to you for that... I'm asking you now... I was wrong, Nicholas, I thought I was doing
what was best for you, I thought I was going to be enough, I thought your mother was only going to hurt you more, but I should have fought against it, I should have fought to stay in your life, anyway, even if you were living a lie. That's what parents do, son, they say and do whatever it takes to make you feel protected and loved, and I didn't know how to do it. My eyes watered and I
blinked several times to see clearly. Damn, that was the last thing I expected. Life kept giving me surprises, hitting me, waiting for me to get up later, hurt, yes, and damaged, but encouraging me to continue on my way. "Don't let Maddie go without a mother," I said, my voice cracking, and I didn't just mean that my mother had to leave. My father understood exactly what he meant.
"I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that neither of us is left without a mother, Nicholas. The last thing I know, my father was pulling me into a hug that took me completely by surprise. I couldn't remember the last time he had done something like that, I couldn't remember the last time someone other than Noah had needed that kind of affectionate display from me,
and as I felt the peace that came to my heart, I realized that, contrary to What I thought, I also needed to lower my guard and let others take care, at least for once, to protect me from the dark.

CHAPTER 24 NOAH

Two weeks after Thanksgiving I received the much-desired call. They hired me! The secretary told me that Simon Roger, one of the firm's senior partners, needed a young, active right-hand man ready to make his life easier. It started on Monday at seven in the morning and, although it was an internship, they paid me a little more than what I had been charging in the cafeteria, so
perfect. When I arrived at the office on my first day, a rather pretty woman with light hair and large brown eyes directed me to where Mr. Roger was waiting for me. I knocked on her door and waited a few seconds for her to let me in. When I entered I found a man much younger than I had expected, his height and impeccable demeanor left me puzzled for a few moments. He had
green eyes and blond hair, almost a shade lighter than mine. His navy suit and gray tie fit him beautifully and I knew I'd been staring at him too long when a smile spread across his face. "Noah Morgan, right?" he asked me, rising from his chair, buttoning his suit with one hand and holding out the other a second later. I squeezed it with less force than was necessary. "Yeah, it's me," I
said, feeling a little stupid. Roger moved away from the table to walk around it and sit down again. He motioned for me to do the same, and I hurried to sit in one of the leather chairs across from him. His office was quite simple: a wooden table, two chairs in front of it, a Mac computer bigger than a house, and a few shelves with folders. When Lincoln told me that Nicholas's sister
was looking for a job here I was quite surprised, although looking at his academic record and the recommendations he has, I'm glad he preferred to work for me and not for Leister. I didn't want to hear Nicholas's name again, but considering they knew each other, it didn't surprise me that the family came up. "Yeah, well... I guess working for one's stepfather is never a tasteful dish,"
I commented in a friendly tone. Roger looked up from the folder he was reading and looked at me smiling. "I didn't mean William, but Nicholas, but I guess he's right," he admitted, leaving the folder on the table and watching me entertained. The job is simple: he will basically be in charge of doing my errands, of being in the meetings taking notes and helping me with everything I ask
of him... I nodded understanding that I was going to be something like his secretary. "His brother of his could find you something better if he prefers..." "No, no, the last thing I want is to turn to Nicholas; besides, he would have to go to New York, wouldn't he? I said, smiling brightly. I had gotten a job and was dying to get started! Then Roger looked at me with a frown. -Well, yes, it's
true that Nicholas is in New York right now, but this company is as much his as Lincoln's and mine, although I understand that he wants to start at the bottom, that shows a lot of him... My thoughts froze. suddenly and I felt cold. "I'm sorry... I don't think I understood," I commented, feeling how a cold sweat ran down my entire spine. Is this company Nicholas's? Roger looked at me
as if he were an idiot and pointed to the emblem above his head, etched into clear glass. I swear I almost had a heart attack: it couldn't be true. LEISTER, ROGER & BAXWELL INC. LRB Shit! That company belonged to Nicholas! "It's a project we've started together, although he's the majority shareholder... I thought he'd know," he confessed, surprised by my completely ignorant
reaction. How could he have been such an idiot? Who would think of showing up for a job without just doing some research beforehand? "The truth is that my brother and I don't have a very good relationship..." I began to explain. I called because Lincoln Baxwell offered me the job a few months ago, but I had no idea this company was Nicholas's...I..." I looked at him and felt
embarrassment rise to my cheeks. Sorry, I shouldn't have wasted your time, I'm leaving now. Roger got to his feet almost at the same time as me and grabbed my arm before he ran me out of there. "Wait, Noah," he asked me, pronouncing my name very sweetly. Can I take you on a first-name basis, he asked me, releasing me when he saw that he had stopped my escape. "Yes, of
course, it's more, I prefer it," I answered, wanting to give a less pathetic touch to all that. Simon smiled lifting the corner of his mouth. "Nicholas doesn't have to know you work here, if that's what you're worried about," he began calmly. He does it from New York and, as far as I know, he has no intention of leaving the Big Apple. I took a deep breath with my thoughts at a thousand
an hour. I knew very well that Nicholas was not going to return to Los Angeles, much less now ."Your boss will be me, not him," she added to convince me. God... could I do it Could I work for Simon Roger knowing that one of the bosses was my ex-boyfriend, the same ex-boyfriend I didn't want to see again for a long, long time If I'd had any other job offer I wouldn't have hesitated
Not for a second... but I wasn't going to find anything better than this. "What do you say?" he insisted. I swallowed all my fears and warnings and finally nodded. Roger smiled at me, showing me his pretty white teeth. -Welcome to my team... I'm looking forward to working with you. Forcing a smile, I said goodbye and left his office. Fuck, Nicholas...why is it so damn hard to stay away
from you? As the days passed and I realized I wasn't going to run into Nick, mostly because he was still in New York and running the LRB stuff From there, I was able to relax and go to work in peace. The truth is that I liked my job, it didn't leave me much time to think and think about it, just what I needed. He worked all morning, except when he had to go to class, and then he went
back to the office and helped Simon with whatever he needed. The weeks flew by and soon the holidays arrived. Christmas was spent with my mother, Will and Maddie, since Nick had made it very clear that he was not going to be able to be with us because of work, although he knew that deep down he was leaving these holidays to me. The last night of the year was spent with
Jenna and Lion. My friend tried not to talk about Nicholas when we were together, but the subject came up, almost without meaning to. "He's not in love with her, Noah," she assured me over dinner, "but he's moved on. Her last sentence was said by her looking at me urgently. Jenna insisted that, since I could and was single, I should go out more, meet people, let my hair down... As
we began the countdown to the New Year I thought that maybe I was right and the time had come to start dating other people. One of the few mornings when my classes allowed me to be in the office, Simon stopped by my small office, connected to his by a very dark wooden door. I looked up from the computer screen and watched him move closer to stand in front of the chair. He
rested both hands on the backrest and watched me with a smile. "You're doing a good job, Noah," he said with a glint of pride in his eyes. I had already noticed that he had taken me under his protection, I was the youngest of his team and also of the entire squad, and he protected me and taught me as if I were his disciple. She had learned a lot in the short month she had been there
and she was very grateful. "Thank you, Simon," I replied, blushing. That was one of the things that happened all the time, since the damned man was ready to die .Today he was wearing gray suit pants and an immaculate white shirt, the sleeves already rolled up to the elbows. He had blond hair brushed up slightly and his green eyes looked up at me with suppressed amusement. "I
came to buy you something to drink." I frowned a bit, but he kept talking. Let's all go, we want to celebrate that we have signed with Coca-Cola for the new spring campaign. Come on, don't look at me like that. You're the young one, remember? I smiled in amusement and felt a little excitement in my stomach. It had been a long time since I had gone out there to have fun and if they
all went I would not be the only one to say no, would I? I accepted the offer and also the courtesy gesture he had with me by helping me put on my coat. It was cold outside, so as soon as I went outside I wrapped a pale blue scarf around my neck. When we came out it was just him and me. "And the others?" I asked doubtfully. -They must be at the bar by now, not everyone works as
hard as you. I ignored that taunt-flattery and followed him. We turned the corner of the high-rise company building and started walking down the street surrounded by a crowd of people, vehicles... the usual thing in rush hour. We were chatting as we walked and I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him outside of work and how relaxed I felt around him. I was still laughing at
a joke he had just pulled on me when he suddenly stopped. "Can I be honest with you," he said, looking into my eyes. I got nervous at the change in tone... but I nodded, looking at him cautiously. -Sincerity is always better than lies. She smiled again, and her hand brushed back a lock of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. That gesture made me relive a forgotten sensation, feel a
slight flutter of butterflies in my stomach. "I like you, Noah... I like you a lot and I would love to invite you to dinner," he confessed, and he did it without shame, with the same confidence that a man who has achieved a lot in a very short time and who is brilliant can have, funny and a good boss. "Do you want to buy me dinner now...or is it still up for drinks with the mates?" She was
nervous and she was convinced that he was aware. -To be honest, I made it up... I wanted to invite you in a subtle way, but I was afraid that you would say no, so I told you a little lie. "I see..." I said, not really knowing if I was amused that he had lied to me. Come on, I just want to get to know you better... We'll talk, we'll have dinner in a nice place, we'll order the best wine on the
menu and then we'll each go to his house. It sounded good, but...was it a date? The restaurant he took me to was fancy, but not fancy, not fancy enough to make me fee luncomfortable, at least. There were different colored vinyls on the walls, although they were all albums from the 1980s, and all the tables were covered with super cute little red and white checkered placemats,
with a little candle in the center, all of which helped to give the stay a cozy and homely atmosphere. He was an Italian, so at least she was sure he was going to enjoy the food. I ordered ravioli with cheese sauce and he ordered a vegetable lasagna. The truth is that I enjoyed the dinner, the talk, the talk for the sake of talking, and the exchange of questions that we asked to get to
know each other better. It had been a long time since I had a date...before I was with Nicholas I had been with my boyfriend Dan and in the meantime I had barely had time to date guys and just hang out getting to know someone else. She told me that he was the eldest son, the only brother among four sisters who drove him crazy. He also came from a very wealthy family - his father
was an architect and his mother, a doctor - and he had been the weirdo who had dedicated himself to marketing and telecommunications. Dinner passed me quickly and we walked back until we reached the parking lot at work. My red Audi was next to his: coincidences of life. "Well, Noah," she began when it was obvious there was no farther to walk. I was delighted to have dinner
with you today and I would like to repeat it as soon as possible. I laughed, everything had gone so well that I didn't even believe it. No drama, no crying, no antics, just a guy and a girl sitting together and exchanging information about their lives. Yes, I had liked our date, but I tensed when he stepped forward and leaned in, intending to kiss me. It came out instinctively, I turned my
face and his lips collided softly with my cheek. "Hum," he exclaimed between amused and disgusted. I noticed him, how handsome he was, in that sweet, masculine way, nothing like Nick's ravishing beauty. "I'm sorry...I loved dinner, but I'd rather slow down," I excused myself, feeling like a child, a stupid child who can't even kiss a guy on the lips who just spent over a hundred
dollars on a dinner. Simon caressed my cheek with his fingertips. I liked his contact. "Very good... you're not easy, but I like it better that way." Without saying anything else he turned to his car and drove off. It took me a few seconds and when I did I couldn't stop my eyes from filling with tears.

CHAPTER 25 NICK

I looked at the agenda that my secretary had just handed me and sighed when I saw that I was barely going to have time to breathe. Between the opening of LRB and the closing of the other two companies, I realized that I was hardly going to be able to do anything other than dedicate myself completely to work. I wasn't complaining, because I liked working, especially on the new
project that had cost me so much to start. I looked at that morning's newspaper and cursed under my breath. Simon Roger had called me that morning to insist that we couldn't afford the bad press so soon: the image we gave at that moment was the most important thing, according to him, and although I knew he was right, I didn't have time to pose smiling in front of him. the
cameras and explain the reasons for my decisions. It had already been difficult for me to convince the board, I couldn't do it with everyone. Everything would improve, although in due time. The phone rang and I picked it up without thinking. It was Sophia. "I'm busy," I said a little more curtly than I should. "You always are," she replied simply. Your secretary told me that you are
traveling to Los Angeles next week. "I'm going to visit the LRB offices to make sure everything is running smoothly." - She She also told me that you're going to have a party to celebrate the opening. "I see that Lisa has you very well informed," I commented annoyed. Yes, Roger has insisted that a party would be the best thing to do to give a good image. "Were you thinking of letting
me know you were coming to California? May I remind you that we haven't seen each other in over a month?" I got up from my chair and went to pour myself a cup of hot coffee. The truth is that I had been so busy with work and reminiscing about my last meeting with Noah that no, I hadn't thought much about Sophia. "Of course I was going to let you know, I just didn't have
anything closed yet," I replied calmly. I heard Sophia think even from so many miles away. "See you in your apartment then." The illusion with which she spoke did not go unnoticed and, despite the circumstances, she made me smile. "See you there," I said, sitting down again. You have the key, don't you? I couldn't help but compare how I talked to her and how I had with Noah. I
had given her the key months before, because sometimes she needed to stay in Los Angeles for work reasons and my apartment was free. I had not really decided to sell it due to lack of time, the memories that those walls kept burned as hot as the fire in the fireplace that I had lit in the office... My flight to Los Angeles left very early and I would have just enough time to get to the
staff meeting he had called for that noon. He wanted to see that the same mistakes were not being made as last time. Also, I wanted to see my sister, since she hadn't been back to Los Angeles since New Years. Noah hadn't shown up, and a part of me had ached to see her with all my might. Her mother had told me that she had decided to stay on campus because she had to study,
but I well knew that the reason for her absence had my name. The last night we had spent together, almost two months ago, was still etched in my memory, every kiss, every word, every sound, every sensation... I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't left. Could I have left her after her? Would I have had enough strength to stand up next to her with her in my arms and
tell her that we were finished? Fate had wanted her to make that decision, freeing me from having to do it and so we had continued with our lives. Now I had Sophia, although it was more of an obligation for me, to fulfill the expectations of my existence. He wanted to have children one day, he wanted to have a woman. I was never going to love anyone like I had loved Noah, but I
couldn't put my life on hold, it would always be something painful to remember and I would always carry her in my soul, in my blood cells as if she belonged to me. However, that didn't mean that she couldn't make an effort for everything she knew she would want to have one day. Steve was waiting for me at the airport, he had come to spend a few days with his eldest daughter,
who was graduating the next day from the university. I smiled at him when I saw him and together we walked to the car. "How's Aaron?" I asked as he strapped me in and turned on my cell phone to check missed calls and messages. "Relieved to be finally done." I smiled distractedly and looked at the time on my wristwatch. "You'd better speed up, I wouldn't want to be late for a
meeting I've called myself." Steve did as I asked and it took us a little over half an hour to drive into the city and stop by the building that had cost me so many millions. The commotion that seemed to be in the office when they saw me arrive was not strange tome, that had been something that I had ended up getting used to. "Good morning, Mr. Leister, you are expected in the
conference room," announced a secretary whose name she did not know. -Thank you. Can you bring me a coffee in a minute? I asked, crossing the room, aware that I was already quite late. Plain and sugar free, thank you. The secretary hurried to the coffee pot in an adjoining room, and I crossed the hall to the conference room. When I opened the door I was surprised to hear that
everyone was laughing, there was no one sitting in her seat; what's more, they were surrounding something that made them very funny. I surreptitiously approached, knowing that no one had heard me enter, and I found a girl with long blonde hair who, sitting on a chair, was trying to beat Simon Roger himself. It took me an extra two seconds or so to realize that the girl sitting there
was Noah. I didn't understand anything, I stayed still watching her laugh and force herself against that idiot's hand, who was obviously letting her win, at least for a while. My eyes rested a few seconds too long on their clasped hands and I saw everything red. "If in the ten minutes it took me to get there you have time to set up this circus, I don't even want to imagine what you'll do
when I'm not here," I commented so loud that everyone, including the two who looked at each other amused and sitting in the middle, stopped. and they turned to me. Noah jumped to his feet at the sound of my voice, and I was so shocked to see her again, and especially there, that rage seized each and every one of my senses; Nothing mattered to me at that moment, neither the
employees I wanted to make a good impression on, nor the fact that if Noah hadn't been there I would have laughed with them and even asked to be allowed to participate. I fixed on her and felt my whole world reeling again. "The meeting is cancelled," I almost yelled. Tomorrow I want you all here at 7am and we'll see if you keep your job: this is not a fucking playground! My gaze
bored into everyone in the room, especially Roger, who was standing too close to my girlfriend, damn it, too close to Noah. I turned to head out the door, but not before giving one last scream. "Morgan, come to my office!"

CHAPTER 26 NOAH

I remained looking at the door, plunged into a silence that was also maintained by all of us who were gathered there. "Fuck the boss!" Exclaimed one as he grabbed his things and left the room. "In the end, what they say in the papers is going to be true," another commented, and I turned to look at him. Many looked at me with pity, since I had been the only one he had called and
yelled at. Simon stood next to me and spoke into my ear. "Do you want me to go with you," he offered, and everything he had made me feel in the last few weeks stopped making sense. Nick was there. "Calm down, it's fine, I know how to deal with it," I answered, and he looked at me with a frown. We had gone to dinner a few more nights since that first time. One day, during one
of them, I ended up explaining to him about me and Nick. Needless to say, Simon's surprise when he realized that my relationship with him was far from brotherly. I smiled at Simon and made my way out of the room to the office that Nick, as boss, kept in the building, even though he was empty most of the time. When I got to the door I knocked before going in, especially since
those who were walking by didn't take their eyes off me. "Come in!" he bellowed from the other side of the door. As I did so, I found him pacing nervously around the office. "What the hell are you doing here?" I took a deep breath and watched as he took off his jacket, rudely tossed it onto a chair, and began to roll up his shirtsleeves to his elbows. "I work here," I replied with a
frown. I thought you knew. Nick stopped in the process of yanking off his tie and stared at his incredulously. "What the hell are you talking about?" I lost my job and remembered the card Lincoln Baxwell had given me at Jenna's wedding; I called him and he told me that he would find me something. I shrugged as I said it, as if it had been too easy, which it really had. Nick leaned
against the desk and stared at me. "Why didn't you call me?" he asked, and I heard a slight note of disappointment in his tone. I would have found you something much better. I rolled my eyes. "You don't even know what my role is in the company. "Right," he agreed, moving closer to me. Who do you work for? Something told me he wasn't going to be amused, but he couldn't lie to
him, it would take less than a few minutes to find out what he was doing there, and he didn't want to piss him off even more. "I work for Simon...I'm sort of like his assistant. Nicholas took a deep breath, and it took seconds for him to exhale. "Your assistant of his," he repeated mockingly, raising his eyebrows significantly. And what the hell does that mean? I looked at him, crossing
my arms. "What's it going to mean, Nicholas? Well, I help him with his schedule, I bring him coffees..." "Coffees," he said, pronouncing the word as if it were an insult. "Yeah, you know, that brown thing you drink in the morning..." "Don't be funny with me," she cut me off, sitting behind her desk and taking a look at me. Shouldn't you be studying? Do you still insist on working when
you don't need it? "The one who doesn't need it is you, Mr. Leister," she replied, pronouncing her name with great emphasis. Nicholas looked at me like a headmaster watching a student who has misbehaved. -You're so funny this morning... Does being silly during work hours put you in a good mood? We shouldn't have played arm wrestling during work hours, but he was the one
who was late. -In a good mood it makes me see how jealous you are to see how much fun I have with your employees. "Roger, you mean. "Employees," I insisted. "And I'm not jealous, just pissed off to see you wasting the time of people who should be working their ass off to make this business work." "So now it's my fault that we've been killing time while we waited for you to deign
to show up at a meeting you called..." "Well...let's not start talking about blame, Noah, we could get all the smack." God, sometimes I forgot how unbearable he could be! "Can I go?" I asked glaring at him. -No. His eyes flashed into mine, with rage, with fury, with desire... "You look good," he stated after a tense silence. The compliment caught me by surprise. Luckily you've already
recovered the kilos you had lost, I don't like you skeletal. I wasn't expecting that comment." "Are you calling me fat?" Nick laughed, and that sound nearly gave me a heart attack. -Do you look fat No, of course I wasn't fat, I had never been fat, and it was true that the kilos I had lost after our breakup had gradually been regained. Now she looked healthier to me, less sucked. That was
a good sign, it meant he was moving on. "You're not bad at all," I told him, avoiding answering his question. I guess being apart is starting to feel good. My tone was cold, even I realized that, and Nick was silent, watching me and I guess remembering, as I was doing, the last moments we had spent together. "Do you want anything else?" I asked, taking us both out of that bubble in
which we seemed to have entered. I should keep working. Nick nodded without taking his eyes off me. What was he trying to tell me looking at me that way? I turned my back on him and went to the door. Before leaving I turned. "You should relax more with your employees, Nicholas, they are good people and they were all looking forward to meeting you today. Nice tilted his head
back a little, seemed to think about what to answer me but finally he just nodded. Immediately afterwards, I went and left him alone, I suppose with a lot to think about. The next day's meeting was much better. Nick was kind and funny to everyone, but he didn't apologize for his behavior the day before. He was the boss, after all, and I guess finding the entire staff laughing and
playing games in the boardroom wouldn't have done well for anyone running a company. He seemed to pocket everyone, everyone except Simon, who was watching him with cold politeness. I didn't like that attitude, but he couldn't do anything either. Nick treated me with the respect I deserved and had put a safe distance between us, which I was grateful for. From time to time I
would meet his gaze, as if catching him off guard while he had been watching me. I could
me, Nicholas? Go with your girlfriend, let me suffer in peace!» Nick seemed to hear my thoughts, because he nodded, moved to the door, closing it behind him. Simon looked from him to me and moved closer to me until he took my hands. "Are you okay?" I shook my head and walked over to him, who leaned against his desk; he pulled me closer. Simon and I had only kissed, we
hadn't gone any further, and we'd only done it twice. I knew that I couldn't keep playing the fact that we were fifteen years old: he was twenty eight and he had made it more than clear to me that he liked him, that he liked him too much. When he took my face between his hands and put his lips on mine I felt something, I felt a slight tingle, but nothing to do with the intoxication I
felt just with Nick looking me in the eye. Simon seemed to realize that he wasn't very up to it, he must have realized that she was distracted and she wasn't completely wrong: at that moment she was thinking of everything except him. "I wanted to ask you something," he announced, breaking away from me and going around his table. He opened a drawer and pulled out a white,
ivory-colored envelope. In a couple of days it's the company's inauguration party; They will all go, and I would like you to accompany me. I slightly opened my mouth, almost on the verge of automatically refusing. Going with him as a couple? That would be like shouting to the rooftops that we had something, but wouldn't that be a good idea to keep Nicholas's feelings at bay? He
would surely go with Sophia, so what would be the problem- What do you say, Simon urged hopefully. -That I'm going to have to go out and buy a dress... if my boss lets me, of course. Simon smiled with real joy and I walked out of there before I regretted it. He was putting me in the lion's den. The next night I went out for drinks with Jenna. We hadn't seen each other for several
weeks and we had decided to spend a girls' night to let our hair down a bit; me because I needed to feel like she was still nineteen and Jenna because she needed to let out her 'old me', the Jenna who wasn't married and the one who didn't spend more than three days indoors. So, as the night deserved, I put on a red leather miniskirt, transparent stockings and a tight, warm, dark-
colored sweater, a gift from my mother, as well as my high-heeled, knee-high boots. I made waves in my hair, which I let fall over my back, and I painted my lips the same color as the skirt. Jenna was going to be proud. After fighting for a while with the GPS I got to the pub where I had met her. My friend was waiting for me at the door and received me with a huge smile. "You've
looked very pretty today. Shall we go hunting?" she asked excitedly. -The fact that I have made myself pretty does not have to be related to men: I dress for myself; Also, you are married. Jenna didn't seem to hear a word from me. "This is a pretty decent bar, it's not a disco scene, you know. You can talk, the lights are dim... What do you bet that in less than half an hour we'll have
guys drooling for our attention?" Today it consisted of having a few drinks, chatting and having fun by ourselves... I'm not interested in looking for a guy and, for you to stay calm, I have... something, with my boss. Jenna's eyes widened. "Blow off!" Her," she yelled, more excited than the idea of going guy-hunting at a bar. I shrugged dismissively. -Invite me to the first drink and I'll tell
you, but I warn you that there is not much to tell... Jenna nodded even more excited and practically dragged me into the premises. It wasn't very big, but it was packed. Jenna ordered shots of something pink that tasted pretty good to her, and we sat at a small table in the corner. Suddenly, the very heavy one let me go: -Come on, count! Are you fucking him? Are you fucking the
boss? "I haven't fucked him, we went out to dinner and well...we kissed...twice," I clarified. Jenna stared at me. "Twice," she repeated in a tone she already knew very well. Don't go so fast, friend, lest I think you're a slut. "Come on, shut up!" I ordered, throwing him one of the peanuts that had been served with our drink. Jenna laughed, but she kept looking at me like she was some
kind of mutant bug from another galaxy. "Seriously, Noah, I understand that sex is something special for you and all that, but fucking for the sake of fucking has its advantages too." I laughed at her while shaking my head in amusement. But Jenna didn't give up easily and she spent the next hour trying to find me a date for that evening. When she was going to introduce me to the
fifth guy of the night I looked at the clock and decided it was time to retire. "I'm sorry, Jenna, but I have to go if I want to keep my eyes open at the company tomorrow. God forbid that Don Estirado calls me back to his office loudly. She let out a laugh. "I haven't asked how you're doing," she commented curiously, but cautiously at the same time. The subject of Nicholas had long
since become something that made us feel a bit uncomfortable. As close as we were, Jenna had known Nick since they were kids, and even though she'd always been there for me, deep down she didn't forgive me for breaking her heart like that. "As long as we keep our distance, I think that's fine," I said, knowing she was lying like a knave: Nick's presence affected me more than I
was willing to admit. Just then I spied Lion, tall and handsome as hell, coming through the door of the bar. He didn't take long to locate us, as if we had radar in our heads. I greeted him with an amused smile, and Jenna made room for him to sit next to her. "Hey, Noah," my friend's husband said, placing her big hand on her bare knee at the same time. "Great, tired now," I replied,
leaving my glass on the table and ready to go home immediately. Now that she knew Jenna wasn't going to be left alone, it was time to escape. I said goodbye to them and left the premises in the direction of where I had parked the car. It was later than I had anticipated, but I was relieved that I had handed over to Lion: we all knew Jenna's stamina and I couldn't find the energy to
keep up with her. the highway. Being Friday night the traffic was intense, so I decided that instead of joining the caravan that was a few meters away, it was preferable to opt for another route, even if it took me longer. I put the radio on to distract myself and when I had been driving for about ten minutes I felt a strange sensation in the car. The steering wheel began to resist, and I
found it difficult to keep it straight. Shit! I started to slow down, aware that I was on a back road, in the middle of nowhere, muddy and slippery from the drizzle that had been falling for most of the day. I stopped on the right side of the shoulder and put on my emergency lights. I tried to remember what to do in these cases and, when I got out, wrapped in almost total darkness and
only interrupted by the car's headlights, I opened the trunk in search of a flashlight, the reflective vest and the emergency triangle. But, to my misfortune, I did not find them. I searched like a man possessed in the trunk that was full of nonsense, helping me with the flashlight of the mobile... in vain. A car passed me at a speed that made me scream and jump almost a meter. "You'll
be a jerk!" I yelled at nothing. I shined the flashlight on the wheels of my Audi until I verified that, indeed, it had punctured, it had punctured and I had no spare wheel, no jack, or anything that could help me in this situation. Why Well because all that was in my old beetle. I cursed myself for being so stupid for forgetting to change the car stuff. I pulled out my cell phone and called
the only person I knew would come to my aid as soon as I hit the green call button. The phone rang once.

CHAPTER 27 NICK

It was two in the morning and I kept wondering what the hell I was doing there, surrounded by shallow and idiotic people who not only liked me like ass but also didn't stop sucking up to me as if that's how they were going to become my soul friends. We were in a club in the center of the city, one of those places where my father would go to meet his friends, where I had gone
because that was where many contracts came to fruition. I could understand the golf thing, for example; Besides, my father had taken me on a few occasions, since he was very little, and it was a sport that he enjoyed, not as much as surfing, but at least he entertained me. However, meeting in places like that was something that put me in a very bad mood. And not only did I have to
be surrounded by men in suits, sitting on leather sofas, smoking cigars and believing themselves to be the gods of the universe, but I also had to put up with how they tried to modify clauses in a contract that we had been working on for almost six months. They had made me drop by, catching me off guard, which was why everyone was impeccably dressed and I was wearing jeans, a
casual shirt, and a tie that Steve had picked m up from the apartment or they wouldn't let me in the apartment. establishment, the very jerks. As I took another cigarette out of the pack, the sixth I'd had that night, I watched Steve walk away from the crowd and take a phone call. For a moment I thought he was calling me so he could give me an alibi and get out of there as soon as
possible; However, when he hung up, after frowning and nodding, and walked over to where I was, I gave him my full attention. "I need to be away for a while," he announced, looking at me very seriously. "Away?" "What happened?" I said getting up, and moving to a corner of the room to speak openly with Steve, but not before apologizing to those present. If this is a scam to get
me out of here, I'll raise your salary, Steve. My personal bodyguard smiled, but shook his head. "Noah just called me. My body automatically tensed upon hearing his name. "Apparently he has a flat tire and has nothing to change the tire on the car, he is on a back road in the middle of nowhere," he informed me, shaking his head and smacking his teeth. He has asked me to go help
her. Wait, what? "I'll go," I decided, surprising myself by realizing that he really wanted to go. Give me the address. "Nicholas, he asked me if he was with you and he expressly asked me not to tell you anything. I smiled amused. "It's obvious you haven't listened to him. I'll go, Steve, and I'm not asking you. He sighed in frustration. "Very well, I'll take a taxi to return home." I send you
the address to your phone; Everything you need is in the trunk," he patiently explained to me. I gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder and walked over to the men in suits. "Gentlemen, I'm sorry to tell you that I have to be absent: something has happened that requires my presence immediately," I said, rejoicing at their indignant faces. We can continue with the meeting in my
offices and at a more reasonable time... Goo evening. I left without even giving them the option to answer: Noah was always my best excuse. As I followed the instructions on the GPS, I began to worry when I saw that the car was in an almost deserted area, on one of those damned back roads that many took to avoid traffic. She had always told Noah not to go into those places, that
they were dangerous, that the roads were in bad shape, but she always had to do what she wanted. I saw her car a little after the start, it was a danger, anyone who was a little distracted could take her ahead. She didn't have emergency triangles on or anything. I made lights for her to announce that she had just arrived. I parked in front of her and got out of her car. She did the
same, and we both stared at each other; me, wanting t put her in my car and get her off the road and her as if the one who had just gotten out of the vehicle was Satan himself. I walked over to her as she took advantage of her to give her a quick run over. The headlights caused her to be backlit, which marked each of her curves and made her hair shine in an incredible way. She
looked like an angel surrounded by darkness. "What are you doing here?" she asked me, crossing her arms. She tried to pass it off as a grimace, but she could see that she was frozen. The miniskirt that she was wearing did not leave much to the imagination and, almost unintentionally, my mind began to undress her slowly... she would have bet her neck that she was wearing fine
lace garters tight to her beautiful thighs her. I stopped right in front of her, invading her space without being able to avoid it: with Noah it was very difficult for me to respect, as I always did, the obligatory distance between two people: with her things were different. to help you," I told her, wanting to hug her so she would stop shivering. "I called Steve, not you," she replied, looking
away. My way of fixing my eyes on his had caused him discomfort. "As it happens, Steve works for me. "Steve told me that with any problem I had, he could always call him. "And who do you think told her to tell you that?" I couldn't help but smile slightly at her astonished face. "Didn't you have anything better to do? You know, now you're a very busy person... And Sophia?" she
asked me nonchalantly. The mention of Sophia was not something that put me in a good mood; She still had Noah's expression on her retina after finding her in the LRB offices. As much as she had kept up appearances for her, I knew her well enough to know that she had affected him as much as it affected me to think that she could be with anyone else. "She's with her parents in
San Francisco...Now come to her," I said, taking her hand and pulling her to my trunk. There she had saved what was necessary to be able to change a wheel. I rummaged through the things until I found the vest. Put this on, please. Noah let go of my hand and took the yellow vest I held out to him. He put it on without question while I did the same with another one that I had stored
there. "I don't have to tell you how irresponsible you are not having any of this in your own car," I commented, pulling the spare tire out of the trunk. Grab the cat and follow me. Noah did as he asked. A lot of the girls didn't even know what a cat was, but he was sure that if he gave the wheel to Noah he would put it on even faster than me. Her next words confirmed it to me: "I can
do it by myself, you don't have to stay," she said, crouching down beside me as I stood in front of the flat tire. "Don't talk nonsense and stay with the car," I replied, getting up and grabbing the triangles. emergency out of my trunk. By the time I got back to Noah, she had the jack under the car by herself and was pushing hard. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her away,
cursing under my breath. "Do you want to wait for yourself?" I snapped at him angrily. I looked down and saw that her knees were smeared with mud and that her stockings had ripped from the rubbing of the stones on the ground. You don't have to prove anything to me, I know you're perfectly capable of changing a wheel, but is it so hard for you to accept that I've come to help
you? "I don't want your help, Nicholas," he declared. I turned to her trying to control what those words aroused in me. "Don't you need the wheel then?" I asked, looking at her very seriously. Noah pressed his lips together. I can take it with me, a tow truck can take between twenty and forty-five minutes to come and pick you up... And that's not counting the fine you can get for not
having the regulation wheel in the trunk of your car. "That's why I didn't want Steve to tell you anything... In the end, you always end up throwing things in my face," he blurted out without barely blinking. That hadn't been my intention: the simple truth is that she'd rather be in the middle of that bad road at two in the morning with Noah than anywhere else, and that's where the
problem lay. More angry with myself than with her, I turned my back on her without answering and went to work. I notice her gaze on my hands throughout the entire process. The only noise that interrupted the silence of the night was that of the cars passing by us and the wind that seemed to want to lift us off the ground. When I finished, I got up ready to leave and I found a
totally silent Noah, leaning slightly on the car and with his gaze fixed on my face. A car passed us and forced me to take a step in her direction; She leaned against the door and I felt my hips engage hers in an almost magnetic movement. Our eyes met in the partial darkness, and suddenly I felt an almost painful urge to touch her skin and check that her temperature had risen as much
as mine. Barely blinking, my hand rested on her hip and my fingers slipped under her shirt. "You're freezing," I commented, sticking even closer, wanting to feel her; however, her hand came between them. He placed it on my chest and pushed me back slightly. "Don't do this, Nick," she warned me, avoiding meeting my eyes. "I'm just making sure you don't get hypothermic," I said so
softly I don't think he even heard me. Everything seemed to fade away, I just wanted to hold her cheeks and kiss those lips until the sun came up and we were both at the same body temperature... I hated that I couldn't pull her up and hold her, I hated that she didn't ask me to snuggle under my coat. until the cold left her body, she hated not seeing that radiant smile when she saw
me arrive. I was going to fucking kiss her, I didn't even hesitate-what were those lips made for if not to be kissed by mine-but Noah didn't give me the chance: he crouched down and slipped into the crook of my upraised arm. "I have to go," he announced with hardly any hesitation, opening the driver's door and getting inside. When he pulled away, I was the one who felt cold, but I
didn't want him to leave like that. He'd been a jerk, I couldn't do that to him, he just didn't think straight when we were alone. "Hey, Noah," I said, getting level with the car window. She stopped with the key in the ignition and rolled down the glass so she could see me better. She won't happen again, I promise you. I don't know what went through her head, but what I do know is
that the look she gave me drove me crazy for days.

CHAPTER 28 NOAH

I'm not going to make much mention of that little run-in with Nick because I don't know what hurt me more, his going to kiss me or his promise not to do it again. I liked that I had the self-control to put an end to it before anything happened, mostly because I knew how hard it had been for me to recover after we went to bed last vacation. Nicholas was like that, a man of impulse, a
man who did what he wanted without thinking about the consequences. If he wanted sex, let him find it with Sophia... Yuck! Just thinking about it made me want to pull out all the hairs on my head, but I didn't plan to be that girl, no, I didn't plan to be the girl whose boyfriend dumps her and every time he feels like it they go to bed; no, no way That's why I focused on the person
who did want something more than to take me to bed, the one who had invited me to the inaugural party of LRB. She was a little nervous about the party, especially since Nicholas was bringing Sophia and she wasn't quite sure she could handle it. When the day came I put on a blue dress with small inlays, short and tight to the body, which I had not been able to wear for a year,
precisely because I was too thin, to the point of having to put some padding in the bra so that the neckline would fit well. Looking at myself in the mirror, I smiled, because I recognized myself again in the reflection: yes, there were my breasts, those that had disappeared a few months before and that, luckily, had decided to return. I put on some heels that Jenna had left me the the
previous week, some cherry-colored Louboutins, which matched a small bag of the same color, with rhinestones. I grabbed my long, elegant black coat, a Christmas gift from my mother, and stepped outside when I heard Simon's car horn. When I got outside, Simon immediately got out of the vehicle to walk me to him. "You're spectacular," he commented, placing his hands on my
waist and pulling me into his mouth. Oh God, why didn't I stop feeling uncomfortable when he did that... I pulled away from him a second later and zipped up my coat since it was pretty windy outside. Simon's car was a nice vintage gray Porsche and I couldn't help but remember the day I managed to get Nick to lose his Ferrari... I still didn't know how he could forgive me, but we
were falling in love at the time . What would Simon do if he crashed or scratched his prized car? He opened the door for me like a true gentleman, and together we headed out in the direction of the party. The place was huge, one of those with high ceilings and pretty painted drawings. I was surprised to see so many people because the company was new, although of course, it was
only one of the many in the corporation. I recognized a few who greeted me and asked about my mother and Will. Now that Nick was the boss, William had chosen to step back and leave it up to him; besides, he was already quite involved with being the father of a little girl at his age. I looked around absently as Simon picked up two champagne flutes and handed me one. "Looking
for someone? Shit. I fixed my eyes on him and brought the glass to his lips while shaking my head. "I was just admiring the place...it's nice," I replied as he took another long drink from my drink. Since Simon held an important position in the company, he had an obligation to greet almost everyone. At first he dragged me down with him, but after almost an hour I decided I'd had
enough and headed for the bar with the excuse that my feet were a little sore. Just as a waitress was exchanging my empty glass for another of chilled, bubbly pink champagne, my eyes strayed almost like a magnet to the front door. Well... there they were: the king and queen of the ball. Sophia looked gorgeous in an elegant long beige evening dress. She wore her hair tied to one
side of her, which fell over her shoulder in dark waves. Her face, on the other hand, shone in the light of the room. He was... superb, yes, superb was the word. Dark gray suit, white shirt, light blue tie, and that face that called for sin and doing bad, dangerous, and forbidden things. Luckily the lights suddenly dimmed to usher in dinner and Simon appeared to show me to our table. He
gave me all his attention; We chatted, ate, laughed and shortly after dessert he asked me to dance on the dance floor where the rest of the guests and co-workers were already doing. Despite having gone together, we wanted to be discreet in front of the partygoers and not draw too much attention to our fledgling relationship, so we acted like we were friends. I would be lying,
though, if I said I didn't enjoy seeing Nicholas not amused. At one point I found myself alone, having a drink, my fifth so far this evening, and that's when Nick finally decided to come over. I didn't see Sophia anywhere, but I felt her presence, as if she was watching us. Simon had disappeared and I had no idea where she was, but I was happy with the company of my friend the
bartender. "Did you get in last night okay?" Nick asked, coming up next to me at the bar and scowling at me. -I arrived perfectly, thank you. The wheel was on wheels, I replied, unable to help but laugh at my own joke. You should dedicate yourself to that," I added, taking another sip from my glass. "To change wheels," he said, looking at me amused. Good thing I don't put my future
in your hands... I smiled politely at him and brought the glass back to my lips, something that Nicholas looked at nervously. "You came with Simon," he stated more than he asked. -Very acute... Did you deduce it because we were sitting together or because I haven't left him all night -I deduced it from the first moment I saw you in the office. I thought there was nothing between
you... There could be layoffs for that. I looked up at him, noting that he was much more tense than he was trying to appear at first glance. "Him or me, who would you like to get rid of first?" "You know perfectly well the answer," he stated, fixing his eyes on my lips. I did the same with his, but then I looked for his eyes. I had to focus. "I just know that right now I'm starting a new
chapter in my life," I commented without taking my gaze from his. Just like you did about a year ago. By the way, I'm very happy for you, Nick, I love to see that you've fallen in love again, that you're happy, that you've got the girl you fell in love with as soon as you saw her. My words came out with so much venom that I thanked the angels for Simon showing up right then, because I
had no idea the things that could keep coming out of my mouth. He had lost the filter and that could be dangerous. "Everything okay," he asked, standing next to me. Nicholas turned to my boss. "Great," he replied with a strange twinkle in his eyes. Are you guys coming down to the venue downtown when all this is over? Simon looked at me, who couldn't take his eyes off Nick. What
the hell was he planning? Noah, do you want to go? Go out with him and Sophia? No thanks, previously dead. But before she could respond, Sophia appeared out of nowhere and wrapped her arm around Nick's, who involuntarily tensed at her touch. "Hey guys," she greeted with an obviously fake smile. I did the same, relishing the possibility of getting my revenge during the
evening. "The truth is that I really want it," I answered putting my arm around Simon's waist, a gesture to which he responded by putting his around my shoulders. Nick didn't miss the detail. "See you there in a bit," he hissed. After that, she only had to say goodbye to the guests, not all of them, of course, and see how Nick went up to the stage and thanked everyone for his
attendance. Up there, in his suit, his impeccable demeanor and the triumph in his gaze, he was the epitome of perfection. He had become what he had always struggled to be, he had exceeded all expectations and he was already taking over the world. I felt proud, as much as I wanted to cut it into small pieces and fry them one by one. I followed Simon out to the car, heading to the
place Nick had invited us to. It was a disco, very modern, and it was about ten minutes from where we were. Upon arrival I was grateful to be able to take off my coat and order another drink. Simon gave me an amused look as I called the bartender over and asked for two shots of tequila. While preparing the glasses in front of us I approached him. The music and the little light that
was in there encouraged me to take a step forward and place my lips on his, which automatically responded with enthusiasm. I felt the alcohol on his breath as he thrust his tongue into my mouth and I let mine meet him. "Two shots of tequila," the waiter announced, forcing us to separate. Simon kissed... okay? Yeah, okay. I shamelessly licked the back of my hand and sprinkled salt
on myself, handing it to my partner, who was staring at me as if stunned, a second later. "What's up?" I asked, taking the glass in one hand and the lemon wedge in the other, preparing myself. Simon laughed and followed suit. "You have no idea what you do to men, right," he asked me, approaching me. The truth is that no, the only man I had thought to make him feel something
had confessed to me that he had ended up falling in love with another. And speaking of the King of Rome... My gaze drifted just at that moment to the couple who had just walked through the door. I looked at Simon again, forcing a smile onto his lips, clinked my glass against his, raised it to my lips, and drank it down in one gulp. The tequila burned my throat and before I could gag I
popped the lime into my mouth and bit down on it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick spotting us and heading towards us with Sophia hot on his heels. I wanted to run in the opposite direction, but thought better of it and stayed by the bar. Simon, who had his back to them, didn't notice their approach, so by the time Nick got to us I had Simon practically eating my ear. I laughed
as if he'd told me the funniest joke in the world, then grabbed his arm so he turned to his boss. "I see you started without us," Nick commented, motioning for the waiter to get us another round. "Oh, mother, another shot!" My body was not going to take it. "Sorry, we haven't been introduced," Simon said to Sophia. Nick looked at me for a second, then turned to make
introductions. 'Simon, Sophia, Sophia, Simon, one of LRB's investors, I told you about him...' Nick made the introductions too casual. Nicholas wasn't even looking at her; What's more, she was so aware of me that I even got violent, violent because Simon seemed to be taking note of each one of the words spoken. I reached for the shot, but Nick beat me to it, took it, and brought it to
his lips, no salt and no lemon, the old-fashioned way. Maybe it was a good idea to cut the alcohol for now and I was grateful that just at that moment a familiar song blared from the speakers. That gave me the perfect excuse to get out of there. "Will you dance with me, Simon?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his and blinking in an attempt to be provocative. "Sure," he replied,
leaving his glass on the bar and apologizing to the others. I felt Nick's icy gaze on the back of my neck, so fixed that I could almost feel the hole he was making in his skin. On the dance floor, people were jumping and I was moving to the rhythm of the music. I turned my back on Simon and let him pull me in around the waist. With his hand on my stomach, I trembled as his mouth
began to nibble on his neck, exquisitely sensual and nothing but decorous. "This you're doing is going to get me killed, baby," he told me, and his damn name reminded me of the way Nick always used to call me "freckles"... It had been too long since he'd heard that word. My eyes automatically drifted to the bar, looking for him, but he wasn't there. Where the hell had he been? I
was putting on that little act for him and realizing he wasn't there watching me pissed me off, a lot, too. I turned on myself and before Simon kissed me again in that outrageous way I excused myself and told him that he needed to go to the bathroom. I left there stomping, fuming, and also very, very drunk, it must be said, because the tequila had gone up fast, very fast. But before I
could get into the bathroom, before I even made it to the long line of girls waiting to get in, a hand yanked hard on my wrist, forcing me into a crowded hallway lined with small flashing colored lamps. red, green and blue. I got a little dizzy, but then my back hit the wall and a mouth I knew all too well slammed into mine, while a hot, stringy, hard body pressed me against that wall,
jamming a knee between my legs and squeezing. hard. At first I struggled, because I didn't want him to touch me, no, not even dead. I was angry, angry that I was with her, angry that I'd chosen not to watch the ball I'd given her, and angry that I hadn't done anything to stop Simon from touching me. Where was the Nick I knew? What had become of him? His hand caught my wrists
and lifted them to the top of my head and held them there. I could hardly move, since his pelvis had me prisoner against the wall. With his other hand he caught my chin and brushed his thumb over my bottom lip. He said nothing, absolutely nothing, but he just lowered his head and introduced his burning tongue into my mouth until it almost brushed my bell. At one point our eyes
met in the shadows and what I captured made me shudder: he suffered from the same thing as me, from the space, the immense space that had been created between us, almost impossible to bridge, an abyss between our lives. . He had been with Sophia for a long time now, longer than our relationship had lasted, and I... well, I had taken a giant step, going from not being able to
even make conversation with someone of the opposite sex to dating. and make out with my boss. What would it be? What would it be that would help us realize that we needed to be together? Was there still something left to save? Something to recover? Was there a burning nail left to hold on to? Apparently not. Nick seemed to hear my thoughts, it was as if with that kiss we had
mentally connected. Seeing that he stopped struggling he released my hands, which I rested on his shoulders. Immediately afterwards, I pulled him into my body, then I hugged him by the neck and pressed against him, eager to feel him against me. She needed to feel that he wasn't going to disappear. We kissed in a desperate kiss, a kiss that we shouldn't give each other, a kiss that
was already forbidden for us. He separated from me a few seconds later and caressed my ear with his lips. "He's never going to make you feel the way I do, don't forget," he whispered against my skin. I didn't know what to answer to that... What could I tell him? That he was wrong. We both knew that wasn't true and never would be. "Noah..." she said when she saw that I was silent.
The reality of her words had hit me, leaving me dazed in place. Why did saying my name sound like you were asking me a question, a very important question? Before I could do or say anything, I felt a sharp, painful pinch in my stomach. I pushed him with weak hands, turned to the side and started to vomit. It took Nicholas a second too long to react, but he grabbed my hair from the
ponytail so it wouldn't fall over my face and held me from collapsing as he expelled all the damn alcohol I'd gotten into my body. I kept throwing up for a while, forcing myself not to think about how I was leaving the floor in that dimly lit hallway. At least nothing was visible and the music mitigated the sound of my frequent retching. When I finally thought it was over, I got up and
Nick led me out the back door of the shop. "No, no," I refused. She wanted to go back, since Simon was still there and he would worry. "I'll take you home right now," he said in that tone that he brooked no reply. Steve came around the corner with the car after Nick called out to him. He got into the back seat with me. "Are you feeling better?" he asked me in a strange tone of voice.
The truth is that no, he did not feel good at all. I wanted to get home and drink a giant glass of water; then I wanted to brush my teeth and cover myself with a very warm blanket, because I was freezing. I began to shiver, almost spasming. Damn... it had hit me hard. Nick pulled me towards him, took off his jacket and put it around my shoulders; then he held me until I had to rest my
head on his shoulder, where I fell asleep, or unconscious, almost instantly. I opened my eyes and staggered as Nick yanked me out of the car. "Go find Sophia and take her to the apartment; Then come pick me up," he instructed Steve without even looking at him as he scooped me up. "I can walk," I complained, weakly. Arriving at the door he put me down, he rummaged in my bag
until he found the keys and we entered my apartment. Just as Nick dropped me on my bed I doubled over after receiving a painful pang in my stomach. "I need to go to the bathroom," I commented trying to hide how bad I was feeling, I didn't want him to know how irresponsible he had been. Damn tequila, damn champagne, and damn gin. Only I could think of mixing three different
types of alcohol. "Are you going to throw up?" he asked, and I heard a twinge of irritation in his voice. I looked up and saw that he was looking at me disgusted. "You can go now, Nicholas," I said venomously. -Can I go? Oh, thanks for your permission. "You're going to wake up my roommate," I warned, glaring at him. "I don't give a shit," he blurted out then. I clenched my jaw and sat
up so he wouldn't have to look down at me from his damned height. That movement almost managed to kill me, I had an enormous desire to vomit and on top of that, when I did, when I got up, I noticed something... damn it, that had to be a joke. I pushed him away from me and went straight to the bathroom. When I entered I saw that my period had just come down. Hence the
damn cramps. Not even caring that Nicholas was out, I stripped off my clothes, tossed them in the laundry basket, and stepped under the freezing water. That would help, sure. I didn't stay long, just long enough to take a quick shower and help my mind clear. When I left I put on a tampax, wrapped myself in the towel and went to my room, hoping that he had already left; but no,
there he was, sitting at the foot of my bed. "You can go," I said, heading to the closet, barely looking at it. -I'll leave when I see fit; Now drink this," he said, handing me a large glass of cold water. I was still wrapped in the towel and my hair was dripping all over the carpet in my room. "I'm going to get dressed, so turn around," I hissed. Nicholas rolled his eyes. What was it about me
that I hadn't already seen? But I cared very little about logic at that moment. I stared at him until he turned and he had his back to me. Quickly, as quickly as my drunken state allowed me, I put on cotton panties, shorts, and a pajama top. "That's it," I announced and went over to him to take the glass of water he held out to me. "Ibuprofen, too," he said, and I realized that I'd had to
open my nightstand to find it. If I was not mistaken, on my night table was his letter, the one he had given me so long ago and that I reread many more times than I would admit out loud. After taking it, I got into bed, pulled the quilt up to my neck, and turned my back on him, facing the wall. A few seconds later I noticed that he was sitting next to me on the mattress. His fingers
stroked my hair, gently pushing it away, and I closed my eyes against that warm, special touch. "You should throw it away...those words don't mean anything anymore." After saying that, he left.

CHAPTER 29 NICK

Steve left me at the door of the apartment block that he had closed some time ago with the clear idea of not returning. Returning there, after more than a year, had been hard: memories, damn memories were present in every corner, in every corner, in every room. Seeing her with Simon that day had been like having my heart cut open with a knife. Damn Simon Roger, damn it,
how I would have liked to smash his face in! She would have kicked all his teeth out when I saw him kissing her neck, her skin... her lips. Then came the moment when I backed her against the wall, the moment when I forgot everything that had happened, when it seemed that we were ready to erase everything and move on. Having her in my arms was always something magnetic,
pure attraction, against which nothing can be done. Suddenly, however, something seemed to hit me like a wrecking ball: I became aware that an invisible veil, a veil I hadn't noticed before, had come between us. What was it? Time? Our lives already almost completely remade and separated? A love that was beginning to freeze in memory? More real than I could have ever
imagined. I got into the elevator thinking about her face resting on the pillow, her hair scattered over the white sheets, the letter I had seen on her nightstand, always close at hand, close... Those words had stopped making sense? Yes, of course I did... no matter how much I lost control when she was in front of her, no matter how much I wanted her, no matter how much I wanted to
return to where we had left off, the truth was that she had cheated on me with someone else. When I opened the door I noticed that the lights were on. Sophia was on the sofa, sitting, looking at the television screen turned off and with a glass of wine between her fingers. I took off her jacket and placed it on the couch across from hers. Her eyes drifted to me and I saw something I
didn't like. -Were you with her? What was the use of lying, of course I had been with her, you didn't have to be very intelligent to reach that conclusion. "Yes, I've taken her home, she wasn't feeling well," I answered, turning her back on her and pouring myself a drink. "She Is she with someone, Nicholas, he could have taken her home...Thinking of Simon as that someone drove me
crazy. "Are you really questioning me, Sophia? You know I don't like answering to anyone," I said, setting the bottle down with a thud. Sophia got up from the sofa and with a sure step she placed herself in front of me. "Ours is not a game anymore and if this goes any further you will have to take me into account, Nicholas." So yes, I question you. Before, I didn't care what you did or
didn't do, it was clear what our type of relationship was, but it's been a while since we've been in that direction, so I'd like you to keep your word. I looked into her black eyes with her attention and I saw much more than she intended to show me. I took a step in front of her, cupped her chin, and gazed at her more closely. "I'll keep my word," I stated, caressing her skin with a light
caress of my fingers. But you do yours. Sophia closed her eyes for a moment, then stared at me again, this time hiding many things. "I'm not going to fall in love with you, so stop worrying." Saying this, she separated from me, turned her back on me and went to my room. I drank what was left of my drink and went after her. Now it was my turn to keep promises.

CHAPTER 30 NOAH

After Nick left and I slept for a couple of hours, stomach pain and a renewed urge to vomit woke me up. I nearly fell out of bed in my rush to get to the bathroom. I was so exhausted that I didn't even realize I had to go to work. I got up as best I could and washed my face. She had black rheum from the remains of yesterday's makeup and dark circles under her eyes. I put on makeup
and almost spent the entire bottle trying to cover up my embarrassment. I grabbed my backpack, coat, and car keys and hurried out of the apartment. The last thing I wanted was for Nick to have another reason to fire me; Thinking of that, I couldn't help but remember our ardent kiss last evening. I looked at my cell phone messages while I was driving, which is not a good thing to
do, by the way, and I saw that I had, like, ten missed calls from Simon. "Oh shit!" I had forgotten that I wasn't alone now, dammit. And now, what the hell was I going to tell him? That my ex boyfriend had brought me home after sticking his tongue down my throat. I needed coffee, yes, coffee would make me think clearly, help me deal with the consequences of last night. , but just as
I was entering the building and heading to the elevator, I saw him. There was Nick, in a business suit, staring at his cell phone screen as he waited for the elevator to arrive. I took a deep breath cursing my luck and went there. I considered taking the stairs but going up fourteen floors with a hangover was not something I really wanted to do. I stopped next to him and he looked up
from his phone to focus on me. Damn, I wish I was one of the people whose memory is erased by alcohol. Now that situation would be less awkward. "What are you doing here?" "I work here," I answered rolling my eyes. Nick ignored my flippant response. -I thought you wouldn't come today, yesterday you were so sad...-Well, I didn't want to give you reasons to fire me -I answered,
ignoring his presence as best I could and getting into the empty elevator when the doors opened. Nicholas followed me, putting his cell phone in his pocket. "How are you?" he asked with something strange in his voice. "I'm fine," I said ,surprised that he cared about me. Yesterday things had gotten out of hand again; he had provoked it, I know, but I never thought I would go down
the way he did. "You should throw it away...those words don't mean anything anymore." His words came to my mind as rescued from a dense fog. Why had he said that to me? To hurt me? If he really believed those words he had said so long ago meant nothing, why the hell had he kissed me again, why had he taken me home to make sure I was okay, why? What was I wondering
how I was doing now? That had to end, I couldn't keep going blindly. Barely stopping to think about what I was doing, I stepped forward and hit the red stop button. The elevator made a strange rattle, let out a high-pitched beep, and stopped. I turned to Nick, who was both surprised and confused. "Why?" I asked, crossing my arms in an attempt to feel protected in front of him, my
only way of pretending there was a barrier between us. "Why what?" he answered with a frown. "Why did you kiss me?" Nick stared at me as his only answer. -You should not do it. He raised his eyebrows skeptically. "I didn't hear you complain. I felt myself turn red. Nicholas smiled in a way that took my breath away. -Now you will tell me that the little dance you did on the floor was
not to make me jealous. I widened my eyes feigning indignation. "You're not the center of the universe, it had nothing to do with you," I lied. Besides, what does that have to do with anything? It's the second time you've done it... It's you who came looking for me, you did it at your father's house and you're doing it now, and I don't like it, you confuse me and... "So what?" he
interrupted me, taking a step in my direction. This time I didn't back down but just stayed where I was: I was going to deal with it, I was sick of the emotional ups and downs that followed each of our reunions, every time I thought I could forget it I showed up and did things that made me question my judgment. "That I'm sick of this, Nicholas, it's been a long time, and I'm trying to
move on. He didn't seem very amused by my last comment. "Move on with Simon." In each of those words he had inoculated poison. "With Simon or whoever he is... I deserve to be happy too," I stated with determination. I want what you and I had, Nicholas... and if Simon... He didn't let me finish the sentence. His hand gripped my wrist and he pulled me hard until my chest
collided with his, our feet flat on the floor. -Repeat that. Say again that you want Simon to give you the same as I did. My breath caught as he was so close, his fragrance flooding my senses and I wanted to pull away tore gain control, but he stopped me by placing his other hand on my back and pressing me against his body. "Someday I will be with someone else, Nicholas. You can't
pretend that nobody touches me and that I'm at your entire disposal when you feel like it. I'm with Simon, accept it, just like I accept you being with Sophia," I said, feeling a bitter taste in my mouth at even mentioning his stupid name. Do you remember Sophia? Your girlfriend? I added with disgust. Nicholas's expression changed, he looked at me for a few moments that seemed like
forever and in which I could see how the anger that my words provoked in him transformed him at times. "You're playing with fire, Noah. Her fist clenched into his side hard. -I'm not playing anything, it's you who pretends to play both sides. Nicholas gave a bitter laugh. "It's ironic that you're the one who blurts that out." Don't you think "God, always the same! Damn, is he ever
going to stop reminding me? Without taking my eyes off him, I reached over and hit the red stop button again. The elevator started up again as the two of us continued to fight the longest battle in history. Before the doors opened I let out one last comment: -As much as it hurts... we both knew that this moment was going to end up coming. I saw that he was going to say something,
but the doors opened and I slipped between them, fleeing from anything hurtful that he was going to say. For the first time since we broke up, I wanted him to go away. Getting off the elevator I made a beeline for Simon's office. I owed him an explanation. When I entered, I saw him leaning against his desk, arms crossed and a worried face. "What happened to you last night, Noah,"
she asked when she saw me and I felt my face blush. One moment you say you're going to the bathroom and the next I'm looking everywhere for you, worried... I thought something happened to you, damn it, seriously, don't do that again. -I'm sorry, I know I left you stranded, I... -I was looking for you for an hour until a guy in a jacket came to tell me that you had gone home... Why
did you leave Damn, I felt so guilty... She had been a complete idiot and now she had put into play what she had begun to have with Simon. She took a hesitant step, weighed down by losing what she sounded like was going in the right direction. -I got terrible, I'm embarrassed even telling you. I would like to tell you that I just had to leave because someone asked me to help them in
an emergency or that a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend and called me to comfort her or that I sprained my ankle and had to go to the emergency room without hesitation, but The truth is that I went too far with the drink. I don't want you to think that I'm a kid who can't drink or worse, but the truth is that: I was drunk... and I assure you that the hangover I have right now
is punishment enough; Please forgive me. I took a deep breath to recover from my monologue and noticed that Simon was starting to look at me the way he used to. He pushed himself away from the table and moved closer to me until he was a foot from me. "Next time let me know and I'll be the one to get you home safely... I know we've only known each other for a few weeks,
but I like you and I want you to trust me if you're ever in trouble." Guys and girls, here's a mature reaction. I gave him a smile that didn't reach my eyes. He passed a hand around my waist and brought me closer to his body. -I had a good time last night, but I'm sorry that wasn't your case. -It was great until I decided to drink the third shot; I screwed up there, but the rest was
incredible, really, I had an incredibly good time. Simon ran his hand up my navy blue blouse and pulled me to him. After the argument with Nick I wanted, needed, for me and Simon to work out. He kissed me tenderly and affectionately on the mouth. My hands went up to take him by the neck and force him to deepen a kiss that he needed to make me forget the man who was a few
meters away. We parted, breathing a little fast, and I saw Simon smile. -Am I forgiven -More than that, I'm going to tell you off more often... I laughed and just then the door of his office opened. It was Nick's secretary. 'Mr Leister has called a meeting for an
Nicholas gave me a poisonous look. I'm trying to run a company. I'm not going to let you sleep with one of my partners. "But that's none of your business!" -I yelled. "You're incredible," he stated, lowering his tone and glaring at me. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember the reasons why I was in love with you, I think, and it all boils down to quite exciting sex, yes, but it doesn't
even remotely make up for all the shitty moments you put me through. Since when had this become a conversation about us! "You talk like you're a bloody saint." I remind you that I slept with another because they made me believe that you had done it with two others behind my back. Mine was a mistake, but what about you! What about you, Nicholas! How many women have
you taken to bed since we broke up Even me, God, I let you do what you wanted with me and you were with someone else! I have hit bottom with you, you treat me as if I were your property or as if I were a toy that entertains you in your moments of boredom. You won't let me move on and that's so selfish! Nicholas put his things on the table and came over to me. She was very
pissed off, she was breathing heavily and my hands were shaking... I had let off steam, I had needed to let go of that, that and much more, keeping things inside was useless. "Do you know why? Because I'm not going to let you go ahead until I've made it." Things are like this; I don't want to see you happy, I don't want to see you with anyone because I'm not done with you yet! I
pushed him with all my might and walked away until I reached the other end of the room. "You're not going to touch me again," I hissed. The effect of my words brought a predatory glint to his dilated pupils. You think you can do what you want with me, but that's not the case; while you're with another, our kiss yesterday will be the last one we're going to give each other. Nicholas
stopped in front of me and placed both hands on the wall, one on each side of my head. "I can't stand seeing you with that guy, it drives me crazy," he confessed, looking at me intently, passion and resolve clear in his eyes. I let out a wry laugh. "Well, it's not like I'm crazy to see you with Sophia either. Nick ignored my comment and moved a little closer to me. "I need to be inside
you," he blurted out then, without any shame. -No. Nick gave me one of those lopsided smiles I've been so fond of. "You know perfectly well that I can change your mind so quickly that you won't even know what happened." As he said it, he took my chin and with his thumb caressed my cheek until he reached my lower lip. I took her hand and pushed it away. "I'm not going to play
this game, not this time," I stated, pulling away from him. There is no solution to this anymore, Nicholas, it would only hurt us more and I've already suffered as much as my body can take, I'm not bringing more people into this, you're with Sophia and I'm starting something with Simon, and that’s the reality. Nicholas shook his head, growing furious again. "You're not going to start
anything with him, Noah, at least not here," he threatened me bluntly. I looked around me. If that was how things were going to be..." "Then he left him. I resign," I said leaving him stunned. I broke away from him and left, closing the door behind me. That's it, it was done... there was no other reason left to see him again.

CHAPTER 31 NOAH

Although the decision had been made hastily, that night in my bed I understood that it was the best thing to do. She had to turn the page once and for all, and working for him, she wasn't going to get it, it was absurd. Simon had left me several missed calls on my mobile, he had tried to contact me, to ask me if he was okay and I had ignored him, focused as he was on my anger with
Nicholas. However, I decided to take one of his calls. I asked Simon if he minded if he went to his apartment to see him and when he got over his surprise he didn't hesitate to give me the address. It didn't take me long to get to the apartment complex where he lived, which was only a block from where Nick used to live. By the time I got to his door, I was more than clear about what I
was planning to do. Simon greeted me with concern reflected on his face. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a loose-fitting dark red T-shirt. Red, the color that I saw at that moment everywhere. I didn't even let him speak, as soon as he opened me up he threw me into his arms. Suck on this, Nicholas Leister. Simon put his arm around my waist as he slammed the front door shut.
When he had both hands free of him he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off the ground in a gesture that reminded me too much of Nick. Damn why did he like guys so much to pick me up and carry me around "Noah, focus." When he put me on the kitchen counter, I stepped back so I could see the reaction my attack had gotten. Simon was looking at me as if he had never
really seen me. -When you called me an hour ago to tell me you were coming, I swear this is the last thing I expected to happen. I didn't want to talk, it wasn't what he needed at that moment, I needed to get Nicholas out of my head, out of my skin, out of my soul. Keeping my eyes locked on Simon, those dark green, blond-lashed eyes, I pulled my T-shirt over my head until I was
down to my bra. "Fuck," Simon exclaimed, tugging at the back of my neck and claiming my mouth once more. I let him play with my tongue as much as he wanted, but when his hand began to move down my bare back, I involuntarily tensed. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling away and stopping his hand on the clasp of my bra. "Just...can we go to your room Darkness...I needed her,
something that hadn't happened in a long, long time." Simon smiled and picked me up again, leading me to a door in a dimly lit hallway. "I know how to walk," I told him unable to help it. "I know, but I like feeling you the way I'm doing right now." And as much as he was feeling me, his erection was digging into my skin like a fucking aluminum rod. Simon deposited me on the bed,
took off his shirt and stretched out on top of me, supporting the weight of his body and placing small kisses on my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut...fuck no, why? Why did I want to cry so bad? Simon undid the top button on my jeans and suddenly memories of Michael, of that night, of his mouth on my skin, from his lips on mine. It was like living it all over again, the betrayal, the
deceit, the biggest mistake of my life. Was I doing it again? No! Shit, he wasn't doing anything wrong, Simon wasn't just anyone, Simon wanted something with me, he cared about him, he cared more than Michael, more than Nicholas...Nicholas. His face appeared in my mind, his damn blue eyes that looked at me as if I were the devil himself, his lips, the way he kissed me like there
was no tomorrow, the way he crushed me against the bed wanting me so desperately that sometimes it even left me breathless. The hands that were trying to undress me right now weren't his they would never be his, and I wasn't sure I knew if one day I was going to be able to forget his contact, if I was going to be able to enjoy myself with any other man. Nearly having a fit of
hysteria and panic, I pushed Simon out of the way and jumped to my feet. "I'm sorry... I can't do it," I apologized, buttoning my pants and looking for the exit like a caged animal, but that's how I felt, caged, I was a prisoner of my own feelings. "Noah, wait, I'm sorry, if you're not ready..." "I have to go," I said, ignoring him and walking out the door on the other side. I went out into the
living room and found my shirt thrown haphazardly on the kitchen floor. I went over there and picked it up and shoved it over my head almost violently. Simon then grabbed my arms, forcing me to look at him. "Can you tell me what's going on?" he snapped at me then, between worried and annoyed. Is it because of Leister? Because if it's because of him, I can tell you that I don't
give a shit about his company rules. Can you hear me? I shook my head and wiped away a tear with the back of my hand. "Right now I just need to go home," I commented trying to control how lost I felt. Simon straightened up, regarded me for a moment, then nodded. "Okay," he agreed with a deep breath. Anything, call me, okay I nodded feeling sorry for him, he didn't deserve
that, he didn't deserve to have to deal with someone like me. Feeling guilty, I walked over to him and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before grabbing my bag and leaving without looking back. Nicholas ten, Noah minus five.

CHAPTER 32 NICK

I didn't go after her when she slammed the door out of the conference room, it wasn't the best time, I knew I had thrown things out of proportion. I'd been a real bastard, but the thought of Noah doing what he was doing to me with someone else made me mad, and mad in a way that made me question my judgment. I knew that I had pushed her to turn the page myself and I knew
that that meant that I would have to let her rebuild her life with someone else, but since I had seen her with Simon I kept wondering if she was not making a mistake. I spent the night thinking about that idea and the next day I waited impatiently for the moment to be able to talk to her alone. To my surprise, it was Noah who decided to show up at my office. He didn’t even knock on
the door, which only made me want to kiss her. I looked at her from top to bottom without dissimulation. The pants she was wearing adhered to her body like a second skin and the shirt, although elegant, was too tight for those beautiful curves that I knew so well. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were full and a little swollen. It only took a quick look for me to realize that she
had spent the night crying. In her hand she had a piece of paper and she approached until she left it on my table. -My letter of resignation. Since I'm half an intern, it doesn't take two weeks for you to find someone. Simon can get by on his own until you decide to put someone else in, if you're even interested in putting someone in," she said without meeting my eyes. "Shit!" I got up
and when I went to her, she turned with the clear intention of running away. I reached out for her arm and yanked her wrist in my direction. "Wait, fuck," I ordered between my teeth. I leaned against the table so I wouldn't have to lean down to meet her eyes, and she clamped her lips to hers, jerked free, and crossed her arms under her chest. Don't quit your job, Noah, I didn't
mean for you to. "I want to quit... I need to quit," she said, looking at me intently. "Why? Why would you want to quit a job that gives you more income than any other you can find? Would you really rather be left without a good salary for an idiot like Simon? I reminded you smarter." "It's because of you, Nicholas, I don't want to see you again, that's why I'm leaving." "Wait, wait a
second," I asked, rushing to take her hand and stop her from moving away from her. I looked at her pretty honey-colored eyes for a few moments and my mind began to count the freckles on her nose, although I already knew how many she had: there were twenty-eight in total, twenty-eight freckles on her nose alone... I didn't want to stop seeing those freckles, I didn't want to
have to stop seeing her. "I don't think we've handled this too well, don't you?" Noah looked at the floor for a second, then focused back on me. -We only know how to hurt each other... and... I... -Her eyes moistened and I watched how she bit her lip hard; She didn't want to cry in front of me, but I knew her so well that it was a matter of seconds before she ended up losing control.
need to get over this. Her voice came out in a whisper that only I, who was in front of her, could hear clearly. Instinctively I pulled her up and wrapped her in my arms. I buried my face in her neck and inhaled the strawberry scent that her skin gave off... "I miss you so much..." she confessed then she against my chest, and her words were like stabs in my soul. Saying nothing, I grabbed
her hair in my closed fist, pulled her back, and stole a kiss from her, a kiss she needed right now, a kiss I had to give her before I could tell her what I had to say. It was not a deep kiss, it was not a kiss that sought something more than simple affection, love and longing. My lips pressed against his and sealed a kind of promise. "There's nothing we can do to change what happened," I
told her, admiring her face and paying attention to every detail. And I'd like to think that one day the anger inside me will go away, I hope it does, Noah, I really do, but right now it seems impossible. She stayed listening attentively to my words. "You're never going to forgive me for what I did, are you?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Of all the things you could have done... cheating on
me was the only thing that could end us." To this day, after so long, just thinking about it caused me unbearable pain. "I know..." she agreed, wiping her cheek with her fingers. We fell into a strange silence, a silence that wasn't uncomfortable but seemed like the prelude to an important decision. And there was something I needed, something that had been on my mind for a long
time and that I couldn't forget. "Noah...what happened at my father's house..." Noah was quick to interrupt me. -You regret it, I know, you don't have to tell me. -I don't regret it, quite the contrary, I think it was a good way to end, don't you think? I wanted to talk to you and ask if you were okay, but you disappeared and you didn't take my calls either... In the end I understood that it
was better that way. The light coming through the window reflected in her eyes as she looked up looking for me. I would have liked to see something else in them and not the pain that seemed as deep as mine. How could we suffer so much being together and also being apart? "I'm leaving this afternoon... and I'm not sure when I'll be back." You can rest assured that I won't touch
you again, Noah. Noah took a deep breath, as if she was trying to get the air in her lungs to help her avoid what was clearly visible in her misty eyes. "The worst of all is that despite what has happened, I don't want you to leave," she stated, trying to control herself. My hand acted on its own again and my fingers caressed her cheek. Her eyes closed for a second and then settled on
my wrist. Before he could do anything, he took it between her fingers and turned it so that the tattoo he'd given me a year and a half ago was exposed. She looked at me for a second and together we moved to that special night... the same one in which Noah had entertained himself writing words of love on my skin. "You are mine", he had written and I had run to tattoo it, as if those
words engraved forever on my skin had made them a reality. Without warning Noah placed his lips just above the tattoo and all my skin vibrated as if I had been given an electric shock. Worst of all, I noticed it, I noticed how the wall was beginning to collapse and I began to feel afraid... afraid of falling again, of making the same mistake again; fear of being exposed again, of being
noticed again without the mastery that had taken me so long to achieve. You're going to regret doing it, I know, you're going to regret it, and then you're going to hate me because it's going to make you remember me, even when you don't want to. The words that Noah had said to me after finding out that he had done the tattoo came back to me as if they had been spoken just the
day before. Even then it seemed like she knew what he said was going to end up being true.-I have to go. I was going to go around her to leave, I was going to walk out that door and not come back until absolutely necessary, but Noah seemed to panic and his hands gripped my arms tightly. "No, no, no, no," she began to repeat while the tears prevented her from seeing anything, his
eyes were so swollen that the honey color had turned into a liquid and molten elixir that tried with all her might to prevent something impossible- . Please... please, let's try again, try again, Nicholas," he begged, digging his nails into my skin. I clenched my jaw hard, I didn't want that. Damn it, why did he have to make everything more complicated? "It's not a matter of trying
anything, Noah, what happened ended with us." -I know you can love me again... I know, you don't love Sophia, you love me, only me, do you remember? You said you would always love me, no matter what; I didn't ask you because I was hoping time would heal us, but it hasn't and that can only mean one thing. Now I do, I ask you to give us another chance. "Don't ask me for
something I can't give you," I cut her off, grabbing her wrists and pulling her away from me. I held her hands tightly, suspended between us, and I stared at her so that she understood what she was going to say. I can't love anyone... that ship has already sailed, do you understand? I opened up to you at the time, being aware that I was going against all my instincts; I tried, I really
tried, but I'm not made to love, nor am I someone who can be loved, and you made that very clear. "I love you," he declared in a whisper, looking into my eyes. I didn't want to think about what both of us could look like from the outside, so full of bad experiences and bad relationships, we didn't know what it was to love, neither of us, because we had been beaten at a very young
age and we had ended up doing the same to those who tried to getting closer. "You don't love me, Noah... You picked up the only weapon that could defeat me and pulled the trigger. "I'm here, I'm still here, and so are you!" You can barely stay away from me, that means something, it has to mean something! After a year we can't help but look for each other... Do you really want me
to end up with someone else? Think about it, Nicholas, because if you leave, if you leave me again, when you come back I may not be here! "Is that supposed to be a threat? Just mentioning Noah with someone else drove me crazy." -I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you since we broke up, it's been almost a year and a half and I'm still waiting for you to come back to
me, and you do it but halfway. I can't take it, now or never, Nicholas, because if you leave, if you leave me behind again, you and I are over forever. Silence fell over the room and I saw disbelief and disappointment in his eyes. I took a deep breath before opening my mouth to speak. "Bye, Noah," I said, feeling a horrible pain in my chest. Noah pulled away from me as if my words had
burned her. She knew what she was giving up if she walked me out that door, but I couldn't give her what she needed from me. He took a step back, and the sadness gave way to something else, something darker, more difficult to decipher. "Goodbye, Nicholas." He left without looking back, and I followed the same path.

CHAPTER 33 NOAH

The library was packed, with paper deadlines coming up soon and some make-up exams coming up. I had no idea how long I had been in there, since I had placed myself at a table with no windows nearby so as not to be distracted or depressed by the sight of free people in the streets, enjoying the last days of winter. Jenna was there, next to me, and she seemed anything but
focused on the biology book that she had right in front of her. "Already," she asked me for the eighth time. I glared at her, exasperated. "Come on, Noah, at this rate I'm going to finish studying this, and I'll pass and everything." I laughed helplessly as I let out a deep breath. "A quick coffee, Jenna, I'm serious. My friend drew a huge smile on her lips and together we collected our
things and left that self-imposed confinement. As I came out I realized that it would be dark soon and I hugged myself to protect myself from the icy wind that moved the trees. He had been inside the library for so many hours that he had lost track of time. The two months I worked at LRB had helped me learn a lot about the real world, but now that the exams were coming up, I was
glad that I could spend all my time studying; I had saved up and would manage for at least a few months. Simon offered to find something similar for me at another company and for that I would be eternally grateful, but for now it was better this way. Also, ours... well, at that time it was in suspense. I was honest with him and explained that I still wasn't over Nick, that I needed some
time alone. We would see each other from time to time, but as friends: he would pick me up and we would go eat something, or we would meet in a group to go to dinner with friends and hang out. Jenna squeezed into me on the way out of the library, she linked her arm through mine and together we walked to the nearest coffee stand. I had a triple coffee with a pretzel and Jenna
had a hot chocolate. We sit on one of the park benches and try to enjoy our little break. -I wanted to invite you to Lion's birthday, I'm going to organize a party for him at our house. It's going to be great, because you don't expect it at all. I told him that he could only go to dinner because the next day he had a very important exam... It's a lie, considering that I finish the day after
tomorrow, so when he gets home he's going to be scared to death. I smiled imagining the scene. "When is it?" I asked, sipping my coffee. -In a couple of weeks; I'm warning you ahead of time, so you have to come! I played tough for a while, it was funny to see how he took out all the weapons of persuasion on him but finally I said yes, I would go and he seemed to breathe easy
again. It's not that I was particularly excited, I was exhausted, more than ever, not even the coffee was able to keep me up, but basically going out and distracting myself was going to be good for me. We chatted for a while about unimportant things. Jenna told me that Lion had been very angry with her a few days ago because he had seen her with a hammer in her hand with the
clear intention of fixing something; In any other person that could be insignificant, but Jenna had broken her finger a short time ago with that same hammer and her husband had strictly forbidden her to go near her tools again. It amused me to see how Jenna abided by her rules or, rather, ignored them. "You should have seen it: 'My tools, my rules!' And while I was rolling my eyes
he started fixing my vanity stool almost without my having to ask. It's a good tactic, don't you think? When I ask him directly, he tells me that he'll do it as soon as he can, but when he sees me with a hammer in my hand, he runs off to finish whatever I pretend to have started. "You're mean," I said, standing up with the clear intention of going back, and Jenna did the same. As we
turned a street that led us directly to the library, we nearly collided with someone. Someone who had sworn never to return: Michael. "What the hell are you doing here!" Jenna yelled at him, glaring at him. Michael stared at me, his eyes roaming my entire body, lingering on my face a few seconds too long before turning to my friend. "I'm back," he replied, and immediately looked
back at me. Mine with Michael had not been something easy to forget. He not only ruined my relationship with Nick, but he betrayed my trust by taking advantage of me in a moment of full vulnerability. "You said you wouldn't come back," I reproached her, nervously sticking to Jenna. That was the deal. Michael shrugged nonchalantly. "People change their minds. I was silent,
unable to believe what I was hearing. Seeing him again caused me an unpleasant feeling; I remembered things that I had buried in the depths of my soul and had sworn never to revive again. Michael thought that after I broke up with Nick, he and I would start something. For a few days he was obsessed with the fact that he had to be with him, that he had to give him a chance. The
favor he did me by dropping the charges against Nick was done solely to blackmail me afterwards. After I got out of the hospital he came to see me each and every day after Nicholas left for New York and when I told him we weren't going to have anything he called me all over the place, accused me of playing with him, made up things I had never said, he even tried to force me. That
day I threatened him with a restraining order. His brother Charlie came to see me, he confessed to me that Michael had already had this kind of problem before and that a girl almost ended her career. That day I found out that Charlie and Michael had suffered a lot after the death of their mother. It affected them to such an extent that Michael became unstable and Charlie took to
drinking... It hadn't been easy for them to get over that stage, especially after being orphaned, since their father had abandoned them when they were little. Michael took care of Charlie but he suffered from personality disorders and had fallen into depression. Charlie finally talked his brother into taking a job in Arizona and swore he wouldn't bother me again. Jenna took her cell
phone out of her pocket. "I'm going to call the police," she threatened, furious as she had never seen in my life. I kept my eyes on Michael, the cause of my relationship falling apart and my life going to shit. After discovering everything he was hiding from me, I realized that he had taken advantage of me... As much as I had let him, he took advantage of my situation and used all my
confessions in therapy to get me where he wanted. . "And what are you going to tell them?" Michael asked nonchalantly. I have not done anything wrong, I have returned after a year to visit my brother and to look for a job. Are you going to tell that to the cop? Jenna stepped forward. "I'm going to tell him how you cornered my friend and harassed her for weeks, you piece of prick!"
Michael barely looked at Jenna; her eyes were eerily fixed on me. "That might have worked if Noah had sued me right after what happened...he didn't, so you don't have any evidence against me. I thought he had done the right thing by not pressing charges, but now seeing him in front of me, watching me do it with that attitude of superiority and hidden spite... I wasn't so sure
anymore. "Let's go, Jenna," I told my friend, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. "Stay away from Noah, you hear me," Jenna warned, ignoring me in the slightest. Michael grinned like an idiot, gave us a condescending look, and turned back to me. -You are precious. -Damn you! I answered noticing the rage bubble up inside me. I didn't wait to hear or see her response. I
grabbed Jenna to make sure she didn't jump on her neck. She didn't care if he took at least a head off her and doubled her in size. We disappeared behind the door of the main building. Upon doing so, and knowing that she could no longer see us, I broke down, sat down on the first bench I saw, and began to hyperventilate. Jenna sat down next to me and started ranting while she
tried to calm me down. Why had she come back? Why had she convinced me that Michael was just a troubled boy like so many others, but that he couldn't hurt me. When he left I knew that he had done it for me, because he cared and did not want me to be afraid of him, but now, after seeing him again, something in me told me to run in the other direction, something told me that
his return was not going to happen. Bring me nothing good; What's more, I felt I had to do something, tell someone. "I'm going to call Lion. -Do not even think about it! I told him, recovering miraculously and ripping the phone out of his hands. -We have to do something! Jenna protested completely beside herself. "No, we're not going to do anything. She has said that she has come
to visit Charlie; she hopefully she will leave again. It's been a long time, I don't think he's here for me, Jenna. She widened her eyes in disbelief and stared back at me as if she had driven me crazy. "Have you heard how he spoke to you?" I nodded getting to my feet; suddenly, he had a terrible urge to vomit: stirring up old memories was not good at all, especially now, damn it. "I don't
want any trouble, Jenna. I don't want to remove what happened and the last thing I want is for Lion to find out and tell whoever you know... We're not going to do anything. There's nothing more to speak of. My friend started to say something, but I went ahead and spoke again: "I'll be careful, okay, and if I see something I don't like or she comes close to me again, we'll go to the
police together and you can tell whoever gives you the win; meanwhile, we will continue studying. Jenna was angry at my attitude and before going back to the library she told me. "Last time you made me hide what happened from everyone, but if, if, when I find out that son of a bitch has approached you, I'll call Nicholas directly. Did you hear me? I swallowed my thoughts about
that threat and just let it slide. The days that followed the run-in with Michael, nerves and anxiety completely dominated me. I tried to keep those feelings at bay, especially since I was so busy packing up all my things to move into the new apartment. I had finished the last exam the day before, so I finally had time to take care of my transfer. The apartment was a loft that was off
campus. In a single space, a small kitchen, a living room and a bedroom were distributed. It also had a bathroom with a bathtub. It wasn't anything special, but it was the only thing I could afford. The problem was that there had been a problem with the water supply in the new apartment and I wasn't going to be able to move in for another week. I had already informed my landlady
that I was leaving, so I asked Jenna if she could stay with them for a few days until she could finish settling me in. My friend immediately gave me shelter and in a few hours she was going to pick me up to help me carry all the boxes to the new apartment. What she didn't know was that she was going to come accompanied by Lion. When I opened the door I was surprised to see her
there, we hadn't met for a long time and I was glad to see her again. "What's up, Noah! She greeted me, wrapping her gigantic arm around me. "Thank you for helping us, Lion, you didn't have to." "Oh, yes, I had to," Jenna replied, showing me her new gel nails, painted an eccentric red. I rolled my eyes and started picking up the boxes that I could easily lift to carry them to Lion's
truck. He handled the heavier ones, while Jenna and I loaded the more fragile ones into the car. The bad thing is that there were more fragile than heavy, so we had to smear. At one point, when I bent down to pick up one of the boxes that were full of books, a stabbing pain like a dagger ran through my back. I was stuck. "Are you okay," Lion said, coming over to where I was doubled
over. Jenna watched us intrigued until she noticed my face, which must have been white. "Noah!" I took a deep breath to see if the pain subsided and I sat down on the floor as best I could. "I think I just screwed my back, but okay," I announced shakily. "What are you taking those boxes for?" That's Lion's job, silly. I ignored the rant he began to throw at me as the pain subsided with
exasperating slowness. Lion crouched down beside me and looked into my eyes. His were incredibly green, and I was smitten by the light contrast to his dark skin. Normal that Jenna had dedicated half of her wedding vows to talking about those eyes, they were mesmerizing. "Can you get up?" he asked me, and that idea seemed most complicated to me. "Hum..." I hesitated for a few
seconds. I am not really sure. Jenna shook her head as Lion ran a hand down my back. I tried to get up on my own, but the pain had spread to my stomach and I cringed cursing when it felt as if sharp knives were being plunged into me. "You've had a lumbago attack, friend," Jenna said as Lion leaned down and scooped me up. "I'll take you to the car and at home you can lie down and
rest." It'll pass, you made a bad move, that's all. I nodded my head because I could barely make a sound. The pain...fuck, the pain was horrible. Lion put me in the front seat and finished loading the boxes into the back of the truck. When we were finally able to leave, I just prayed that we would get there and lie down on a soft, warm surface. "If you want, I can call my masseuse, she's
the best, she'll know what to do with you," Jenna suggested sitting in the back seat while she put M^~^M's on her purple painted lips. I couldn't even answer her, I just wished I could kick myself out. Just like before, when I got to Jenna's apartment I could barely move. Lion, worried, picked me up again and led me to the small guest room that had been kindly prepared for me. When
he placed me on the bed the pain shot through me forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut. "Noah...are you sure you're okay?" Jenna then appeared with a glass of water and a muscle relaxant. I got it in my mouth in less time than a rooster crows. "Don't worry, she'll go away," I said, a little dizzy from the pain. Lion didn't seem very convinced, but he had to leave in less than three hours
to the airport. He had a meeting in Philadelphia and wouldn't be back for four days. "I'll take care of her," Jenna stated, lying down next to me on the bed. Lion leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips. "Then I'm leaving now." If you need help with the move, I have already told you that Luca is willing to give you a hand. Goodbye, Noah, get well - he said goodbye ruffling my hair.
When she was finally gone I flopped down on the pillows and began counting slowly in my head. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the hospital?" Jenna asked me for the eighth time. Earlier I had said no because I thought it was idiotic to go there just because of a strained back, but since the pain seemed to be increasing instead of subsiding and I felt close to fainting,
the idea didn't seem so bad after all. "Let's wait for the sedative to take effect," I said, still reluctant, since just thinking about getting up and going to the door already made me see the stars. Two hours later I knew something was wrong. "Noah, you're scaring me..." Jenna commented as she watched me writhe in pain. "Take me to the hospital," I asked with a shaky voice. Walking to
the car was already agony, but the ride to the nearest emergency hospital was even more so. Upon arrival, I made my way to the waiting room while Jenna filled out the forms that were given to us at reception. Then, while we were waiting and I was getting more and more nervous, I noticed a strange sensation in my crotch. Looking down, I saw a red stain spread across my pajama
bottoms. Jenna gasped, and the next thing I know, I'm suddenly sitting in a wheelchair and being wheeled into a room for immediate treatment. Jenna was left out of it. "Honey, did you hear me," a nurse was saying as she helped me out of my clothes and into a nondescript hospital gown. The doctor will be here shortly, but I need you to answer a few questions... I noticed the nurse,
she had red hair and was overweight; she was like one of the fatties from Alice in Wonderland, only she was a woman and she wouldn't stop talking to me. "How many weeks are you?" she asked me then. -No... this only happened to me today... The nurse looked at me with a frown and then the question... that blissful question brought me back to reality as if I had been dropped
from a tenth floor and I had crashed head on the ground. "What...what is she talking about?" she asked, her voice shaking. The nurse looked at me first in surprise and then with pity. "Honey... chances are you're having a miscarriage." What the hell was that woman saying? My God! But just then everything seemed to freeze and the word "abortion" came crashing down on me like a
giant hammer. "Abortion", "abortion", "abortion"... it didn't matter how many times I said it in my head, it was impossible, impossible, because to have an abortion you first have to be pregnant and I wasn't. -The doctor will come right away ... Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine. That everything was going to be okay? What in the word "abortion" could be okay? My mind
began to go round and round, counting on my fingers, memorizing dates and numbers, and I came to the same conclusion: it was impossible , impossible. That calmed me down a bit because it was obvious that nurse didn't have a clue. I hadn't explained to him about the box, most likely I had torn something or something from lifting so much weight and that had given rise to
symptoms similar to those of... Because it was impossible, right It had been too long since the last time... The door opened, interrupting my tormented thoughts, and a middle-aged doctor greeted me formally. "How are you, Miss Morgan?" he asked, walking over to where he was. I didn't answer him, and he motioned for me to lie down. "I'm going to do an ultrasound, okay?" he
informed me after lifting my nightgown and meticulously touching my belly. "I'm not pregnant," I declared, continuing to repeat myself in my head like a mantra. «I'm not pregnant, I'm not pregnant, I'm not pregnant...» The doctor, surprised, looked at me for a few moments. "Well, we'll see about that in a few seconds," he said, sitting next to me and pulling up a small table that
held the ultrasound machine. This gel is a bit cold, but it's normal. I felt a chill when he spread the gel on my belly. Breathing hard, I turned my head to see what he was doing. He ran a hand probe over my belly, then hit a button and rotated the screen so I could see what he was seeing. "I think this confirms that you were wrong, don't you think?" On the screen, in black and white
and with intermittent dots, there was an image of a baby... and not a tiny baby, no, that baby had a head, feet and hands and took up a large part of the ultrasound screen. -My God! I exclaimed as he raised his hand to my mouth, out of fear, outright terror. "She's approximately sixteen weeks old," the doctor informed me, who, after releasing the pump and as if nothing had
happened, turned the device around again, began to slide the probe over the area again and pressed different buttons. I noticed that he was frowning with concern. A few seconds later, seconds that felt like forever, a constant loud noise resounded throughout the room. The man sighed in relief and turned to me. "You have a pulse, Miss Morgan." Suddenly the word "abortion" had
a whole new meaning and I felt like I was falling again, but this time into a deep, dark hole. "Am I losing it?" I asked with a shaky voice. The doctor turned the screen again and pointed to a black spot that surrounded the baby; Just looking at it I knew that it shouldn't be there. "That's quite a large intrauterine hematoma, the position you're in is dangerous and considering that you
just found out you're pregnant, you give me to understand that you thought your period was still coming regularly, am I wrong?" doctor trying to understand what he was telling me. -I'm not usually very regular, but yes... I've had my period for the last few months, maybe it didn't last as long as it should but I thought... -Do you take birth control pills -he asked me then. -Yes, I take
them to regulate my period. -Do you usually skip any "Shit!" -Sometimes I forget to take one, but I take it the next day with the one I get that day... -Surely that ended the contraceptive effect, but that's not important, what matters is that you've been having continuous abortion threats. My eyes drifted back to the ultrasound screen. My God, that was a baby... a baby I didn't even
know was growing inside me... I hadn't been careful about anything... My God! She had drunk alcohol... -Doctor... I didn't know, I had no idea... she doesn't even show me! He watched me keeping calm. -Now calm down, okay? We're going to do all the necessary tests to make sure that you and the baby are okay. You would be surprised how many cases exist like yours. The changes
usually begin to be noticed during the third or fourth month, since up to twelve weeks the uterus is still in the pelvis and only when it grows outside this area does the pregnancy begin to show. Since she's bleeding we're going to admit her to the hospital until everything returns to normal, I don't want her to get too stressed. I know that she just found out that she is pregnant, but it
is essential that she get absolute rest right now. As soon as the bleeding stops I will do a pelvic exam to measure the cervix; if all is well, a premature birth in the future would be ruled out. "Premature labor..." God, I felt as if I had suddenly been thrown into a bubble where the words "baby," "premature labor," "intrauterine hematoma," and "miscarriage" were meaningless. I hadn't
even made up my mind to what he had just said to me, I was still taking in what was on that screen and I was bombarded with words I didn't understand and hadn't heard until now. -The nurse will come to ask you a few questions, we are going to draw blood to rule out any type of additional complication, although right now the most important thing is that the bruise disappears.
Most likely, she has low progesterone levels; in that case we will supply you with what is necessary to keep the baby in there. Do you agree, he informed me in a tone that I assumed was trying to reassure me. I felt a panic, a full-blown panic attack, I wanted to run, disappear from the hospital and return to what my life had been just a few hours before. Doctor... I'm only nineteen
years old, I'm not ready to be a mother. He nodded and approached politely. "It wasn't in his plans... I understand," he tactfully answered. But the baby exists, and there is also the risk that she could lose it. She is young and has a few difficult months left, she is going to need the support of those around her. Do you know who the father is? "The father." Nicholas Leister was the father
of that baby...and he was on the other side of the country, with another woman, having made it absolutely clear that he wanted no part of my life again. "I... I know who he is, but... I can't tell him. Just then the nurse came in and the doctor turned to her to tell her all the things they had to do to me. She smiled at me to encourage me before leaving. After she was gone, the nurse
came over to pat my hand. "You have to calm down, honey," she said as another nurse entered the room and together they went to work on my body. We are going to give you a route to supply you with vitamins and a sedative so that you can rest. When you wake up, I'm sure everything will be better news. "No, no, I don't want a painkiller. You don't get it! This shouldn't have
happened, I'm not ready to be a mother, I shouldn't be a mother, is that clear to you? They told me that it was very unlikely that I would get pregnant, almost impossible, and now... Heaven, and based on your history and how the pregnancy is progressing, that's a miracle. "A miracle." I closed my eyes trying to calm down, trying to take it all in. Four months... Damn, damn Nicholas
Leister!

CHAPTER 34 NOAH

I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I opened my eyes I saw that Jenna was sitting in an armchair next to my bed, watching me, her face pale and full of concern. Seeing that she opened her eyes, she stood up and approached me, who was lying down, wrapped up and with a line in her left hand. "Noah, how are you doing?" she said with fear in her voice. Seeing her there and
remembering everything, I felt as if we were both in a different dimension, as if suddenly my life was not my life and what I had just discovered had closed all the doors that had been open, as if now it had only opened one and forced me to go through it. "I think so," I replied. A baby... to begin with, having a baby had always been something hypothetical. Whenever I had imagined
myself with a baby, I had seen myself adopting one in the future, perhaps. I had been told that the injuries I suffered as a child could lead to problems. They told me that when the time came to want to conceive I would have to go to a fertility clinic and that they would tell me how to proceed. At no time did I think it was possible that she could get me pregnant naturally... by God,
she had even taken birth control! Nothing, absolutely nothing, had indicated that this could happen. got up in bed and uncovered myself. With excessive caution I lifted my hospital gown and stared at my belly. "So it's true... I can't believe it." "And I didn't say it, Jenna said it." I shifted my gaze to her and saw that she was pale beside me. "What am I going to do?" I asked, placing my
hands on my stomach and trying to see if I felt anything that would indicate that I had a four-month-old fetus in my womb. Jenna shook her head and sat down next to me on the bed. "Noah, who's her father?" I looked at her again. I thought it was obvious, though on second thought no one knew what happened on Thanksgiving; well, nobody except Nick and me. "Nicholas," I
whispered back. Just saying his name caused a painful feeling in my chest. Jenna's eyes widened in surprise, and then a huge smile spread across her face. "Nicholas? Our Nicholas But when, how? Why the hell was she so happy?" It happened on Thanksgiving, after Nick found out about his mother's illness, he was sad and said things that... "Oh Oh my gosh, Noah, but that's fabulous!
Wait, did you say Thanksgiving? Her eyes returned to my belly, then back to me. Seconds later she seemed to withdraw to do the math, I suppose. "Four months, Jenna," I said without a hint of happiness in my voice. Didn't the doctors tell you? "Are you kidding? I didn't even know my suspicions were true until less than five seconds ago, when you pulled up your shirt and stared at
your tummy like you were seeing an alien." "Did you just find out?" Jenna nodded. -I'm not a relative of yours, they didn't want to tell me anything; What's more, I fought with the nurses to get them to let me into your room. I sighed deeply feeling more lost than in my entire life. Jenna took my hand and placed it on my slightly bulging belly. No one who didn't know could tell that
she was pregnant. "Noah, I was scared because I thought the baby was just any guy you'd run into at a club, but it's Nick's! Your Nick! That is wonderful. I let go of her hand and glared at her. "What's wonderful, Jenna," I replied, feeling her freak out as the machines she was plugged into began beeping insistently. That I am pregnant at nineteen by a man who no longer loves me and
who is with another? What is wonderful about that? Noah, don't worry, she just said... -No! -I yelled-. Don't say anything, don't be happy, because this isn't good news, it's bullshit news, I don't want a baby, I don't want to raise a baby alone, much less Nicholas's baby. I felt the tears begin to roll down my cheeks and I wiped them away impatiently. I didn't even know she was
pregnant! What mother doesn't know that she has a baby inside of her? What kind of mother am I going to be when I have nothing to offer? Jenna seemed as lost as I was and didn't know what to say; she seemed afraid to open her mouth. "Noah, as soon as Nick finds out..." "Don't you dare! I cut her off in a panic. Don't even think about saying anything, Jenna, to anyone! She
looked at me wide-eyed, surprised and totally disagreeing. "Noah, you have to tell him," she stated, ignoring my words from earlier. Fuck, I wanted to get up and go, I wanted to be alone and think, but every time I planned some kind of escape in my mind, the image of the ultrasound would come back to me. Before she could deny me again, the door opened and the doctor entered
the room. "I have better news, Miss Morgan," she announced, folder in hand. She stared at whatever was in front of her, removed her glasses, and focused back on me. She doesn't have any kind of disease caused by the pregnancy, the baby's heartbeat is strong and normal," she continued as I began to feel a warm feeling in my stomach. You have already entered the second
trimester, and although it is now when doctors recommend telling your family, you have a risky pregnancy, although that does not mean that things are going to go wrong. Within two or three weeks you will be able to know the sex and if you notice any movement in the belly it is because the baby can already do it. Jenna was looking at the doctor as if she was telling him that she
was carrying Hello Kitty inside her belly, but I also felt that feeling of vertigo... it was something that she just left me speechless. Seeing that we didn't open our mouths, she moved towards a table and continued talking as if nothing had happened, as if we weren't both freaking out in front of him. -The hemorrhage with which he entered at midnight has subsided, that's good, but it is
convenient to take measurements of the cervix in the coming weeks. I am going to send her progesterone, because in the tests it has come out that she has it very low. It is very important that you follow all the indications marked on the sheet that you will be given. I nodded, a little stunned by so much information. "Rest, Ms. Morgan, 'Rest' means I just want you to get up to go to
the bathroom, do you understand?" I nodded, wondering how the hell I was going to explain to college that I couldn't get out of bed without revealing that I was pregnant. to a living being in my womb. "We'll see each other in two weeks." In the event that you bleed again, you should immediately return to the hospital; If the bleeding is brown, that's good: it means the bruise is
subsiding, okay? I nodded again, although deep down I knew there were a thousand things I should ask him. "Have you spoken to the father?" she asked me. Jenna pursed her lips together as I said no. Why the hell was the doctor asking that? It was none of his business! -It would be nice if he had her support, at least during these weeks when she's barely going to be able to move. I
went to say something, but my friend interrupted me: -My husband and I will take care of her, doctor, don't worry about her. I felt infinite gratitude to Jenna in that moment and regretted having spoken so badly to her moments before. Jenna was going to be the only one who was going to be able to help me with this if she wanted to keep it a secret. Because this was going to be my
secret...
replied, raising her voice. This is going to get worse, well not worse, but Noah, you're going to start to notice! It's already noticeable if you look. We both looked down at my tummy... which was sticking out just barely. "I've read that there have been mothers who have hidden their pregnancy until almost the eighth month... I'm going to have to buy some baggy clothes, but it can be
done..." Jenna shook her head and looked up at the ceiling. the divine words that were going to make me see reason.-I don't understand it. It's your son we're talking about! Why don't you want to tell Nick, why! I felt a heat inside me that didn't bode well, I was a walking time bomb, in every sense of the word, and I didn't want to take it out on Jenna. However, I couldn't stop the
next words from coming out of my mouth. "Because I begged him to come back with me and he said no!" I yelled at her as she tried to hold back tears. She said he wasn't going to be able to forgive me, she said what he had done had ended us for good, I gave her an ultimatum and she didn't care. She left! Jenna's eyes widened in surprise, which in a matter of seconds gave way to
indignation: "I told him I loved him, Jenn, and he didn't care, I asked him to stay and he didn't," I continued, my voice choked with tears. -. Do you want me to go now and tell him that I'm expecting his child? Why? To tie him to me even though he has made it quite clear that he doesn't want to see me again -But I'm sure that as soon as he finds out about the baby... "Is he going to
want to take care of him? Is he going to want to take care of me, take me home, give me everything he has and more? Do you think I don't know? But I don't want anyone by my side out of commitment, I don't want to force him to forgive me and if I tell him about the pregnancy that's just what I'm going to be doing. Jenna sighed, shaking her head but not knowing what to say.
"Nicholas loves you," she stated after a minute's silence. I know, he's madly in love with you, and I know that when he finds out about the child, he's going to be the happiest man on Earth, Noah. What happened between you sucked, but haven't you ever stopped to think that maybe this baby is what it took for you both to put your differences aside and decide to try again? I don't
see a better reason. I saw the picture she wanted to create in my head: me and Nick, together again, and with a beautiful baby to take care of, both of us living together the life I'd wanted, even though the baby thing had been brought forward by eight years. That was what I wanted: a life with Nick. I let out the breath I was holding and shook my head. "I don't want to talk about this
anymore, or about Nick, or about the baby; Please, let me at least finish assimilating it before forcing me to face all of that, him, our thing... Jenna looked at me affectionately and approached me to give me hug. "You're going to be a terrific mother, Noah, and that baby is going to be the cutest baby in the world." I blinked several times, resisting crying again, but I couldn't stop the
image of a tiny baby with Nick's features from coming to mind. Jenna broke away from her and for the first time placed her hand on my tummy. "I'll be his favorite aunt." That sentence caused us to burst out laughing. Jenna left to see what Lion was doing and I took the opportunity to cover myself with the covers and try to sleep, although the fear of having to tell Nicholas what was
coming on us barely allowed me to sleep a wink. Those two weeks were the longest of my life, although they allowed me to think about many things: the first, I was already able to call the baby "my baby", which was a big step; the second, I had already allowed myself to read information on the net about the development of the fetus and I knew that my baby -which I had nicknamed
Mini Me (mini me), regardless of whether it was a boy or a girl, I did not care, it was mine and he would be just like me, so the nickname Mini Me suited him like a glove-he could already move his legs and hands, he was sensitive to light, he was receptive to stimuli, which meant he could hear me when I talked to him, something that he had begun to do when no one was home. He
was also able to hold his head up, and his nails had already begun to grow. The size of him, according to the internet, was that of an avocado and, of course, he already had sex. We had to lie to Lion again, who was looking at us like we were up to something, when Jenna took it upon herself to take me back to the doctor. When I got dressed that morning, I was worried because
having been in my pajamas for the last few weeks, I hadn't realized that the baby was still growing and I was with him. I had skipped the pants and put on a flowing, elastic skirt and a Ramones T-shirt... yes, I was definitely a madrassa. This time we went to the maternity ward of the hospital, not the ER, and I was terrified that someone would see us there; To be honest, we looked like
two kids that had gotten lost and didn't know how to find the way out. The women there seemed to be adults, the kind someone would call "Mom"; I, on the other hand, saw myself reflected in the mirror and looked like I just got out of high school. When they called my name, I noticed that I was blushing and I wished that the earth would swallow me. Several women looked at us
curiously and many took notice of my belly. We entered Dr. Hubber's office and a nurse asked me to lie down on the table and told me that he would be here soon. Jenna started looking around the room and she picked up a plastic baby that she had put in a fake womb there and she showed it to me. "And that's where this has to come out," she said, pointing to the tiny hole in her
vagina. I glared at her as she made me more and more nervous. Jenna put the reproduction down where she was and sat down in the chair across from the desk. A few minutes later the specialist made an appearance and smiled at me in a friendly way. "How is she, Miss Morgan?" he asked, moving closer to where she was lightly reclining. "I think okay, she already knows...getting it
down, and she can call me Noah." Dr. Hubber nodded in amusement and repeated what he had done last time. He sat next to me in a chair and positioned the ultrasound so that he could see it and manipulate it well. "Let's see how the fetus is and if the bruise is still the same as before." Then he proceeded to spread that cold gel on me and passed the probe through my belly. A few
moments later, the baby's heartbeat resounded loudly in the room and we could see it on the screen. "Oh look Noah! Jenna exclaimed, leaning in to get a better look. There, a little bigger since the last time I saw him, was Mini Me, in a rather strange position, yes, and her little hands were squeezing what I assumed was the umbilical cord. "He's playing... that's a good sign," the
doctor informed me with a lopsided smile. After that she went on to measure the fetus: his measurements were perfect, the size of his head too, he even had a little hair on the top of his head. I felt my eyes well up with tears... Seeing him again, after having assimilated it and knowing that he was healthy caused me a happiness that I had not felt in years... a happiness that I would
have liked to have shared with someone in particular. "Do you want me to tell you the sex of the baby?" Dr. Hubber asked as he moved the probe, trying to get a better look. -Yeah! Jenna replied. -No! I answered. My denial made the doctor stop and look at me. Jenna did too and tears began to roll down my cheeks; I started crying like a cupcake, because I couldn't tell the sex of Mini
Me if Nick wasn't there. How was I going to deny him that Mini moment? I belonged to him too, not as much as to me, but he was half of Nick... that precious baby who played with the umbilical cord had a father that I was sure was going to adore hi above all things. Was I going to take that away from my baby? Jenna seemed to understand why she was crying, and she squeezed my
hand hard. "You prefer to wait, doctor," she said for me. Dr. Hubber nodded, but turned back to the screen. -The bad news is that the bruise is still almost as big, she has subsided but not nearly what she expected after having been at rest for two weeks. "What does that mean?" It means that there is still a very high chance that you will miscarry, and an abortion at sixteen weeks
would not only compromise the life of the fetus, but would also be dangerous for you. I looked at the doctor with fear in my eyes. -You will continue to rest and I am going to prescribe more vitamins. I know you're scared, Noah, but it's not that rare: it happens to many women, especially if it's their first pregnancy," he explained with an encouraging smile. You have to be patient, just
that, and not move from the bed. It all sounded so bad... Two more weeks of absolute rest! I was going to do! Jenna couldn't take care of me all the time and Lion would eventually realize that something was wrong, not to mention that in a very short time he wouldn't be able to hide it under a Ramones T-shirt. Damn... I was running out of time! "Someone needs to be told, let him
tell Lion, I can make him swear he won't tell," Jenna told me on the way home. She had made her stop by an ice creamparlor, because I had suddenly had a terrible craving for chocolate and walnut ice cream. I guess she had just had my first official craving and was licking my lips while my friend looked ahead worriedly. -We can't tell Lion, he won't last long without calling his best
friend to tell her. "Well, your mother," Jenna suggested, hitting the steering wheel desperately. To my mother... Damn it, if anything scared me more than losing the baby, it was telling her. -Look, you can leave me some food in a lunch box next to the bed, I won't have to move and so you won't have to keep an eye on me either. Jenna turned to look at me with an angry face. "I'm
not going to leave you alone, that's out of the question," she said, turning her eyes back to the road. Look, Noah, the time has come, I'm sorry, honey, you don't have three months to process it, you're four and soon it will start to become more than obvious... Do you want Nicholas to come and see you with a huge belly He He will also have to assimilate it, get used to the idea and
stuff, his life is also going to change... -Don't talk to me about Nicholas, I don't care about the changes he wants to make, I'm suffering a lot of changes with this, thank you. Jenna sighed again and soon after we got home. Lucky for me or not, Lion was just at that moment parking his car in the driveway. Seeing us, he came down and approached us. "How's your back?" he asked,
looking at me amused. Apparently he was amused that I had screwed up my back so much that I had to spend two weeks in bed for just having lifted a box of books. He had already dropped numerous hints on the goodness of exercising more. If he only knew... Jenna got down, kissed him on the lips and looked at me with a circumstantial face. "They've sent him two more weeks off,"
she reported, and I knew she hated lying to her husband. Lion's eyes widened in surprise. "Fuck Noah, you're starting to worry me!" He waved me off as he got out of the car. Jenna looked at me scared, although there was no reason, because she was fine. "Pick her up, Lion," she asked too urgently. "I'm fine, Jenna," I said, opening my eyes when Lion wasn't looking. Lion was close to
me in less than a second. "I don't mind taking you. Come on, softy, hold on to my neck," he instructed me, bending down and picking me up in less than a second. I clung tightly to her neck, and the image of Lion tripping over the step and tumbling onto my belly kept me alert and scared the whole way. Not moving has its consequences... you're fatter - she observed then, letting out a
laugh. Jenna slapped him and I, after panicking at the thought that he had found me out, glared at him, pretending to be offended.-How funny! I exclaimed as we entered the room. He placed me on the bed and I lay back sighing heavily. Lion stared at me for a few moments that felt like forever and as much as I would have liked to read his mind, something told me that it was better
not to know his thoughts. "Anything, scream," he said, walking out of the room. I didn't put on the TV or anything. I lay on the bed thinking about the best way to tell Nicholas all of this... My goodness, being able to imagine his face, his surprise... Surely he would get angry or throw something in my face. Damn, he was going t hate me! He was going to hate me because I had just done
what any mean woman would have done with a man like him: hunt him down. That he had done and in the most ancient and pathetic way possible. A few minutes later I heard some murmuring behind the door. Minutes later Jenna walked in to meet me. "Lion wants to tell Nick. "Did you tell him?" I almost screamed, sitting up in bed. Jenna quickly shook her head. -He wants to tell
him the version of the back pain, I've had a fight with him telling him not to tell him anything, but who knows if he's going to listen to me. "Wait...what." "Why would Lion tell Nicholas something so insignificant?" Jenna bit her lip a little nervously and I knew she had just caught her in something dirty. "You'll see..." she said, writhing on the bed. Damn, having your two best friends in
love and breaking up sucks," she confessed with annoyance. Look, Noah, after you guys broke up, Nick asked us to keep him posted... You know, with things that were happening to you and how you were doing and stuff. "That Nicholas asked you what?" I took his words in completely taken by surprise. -He wanted to know everything, how you were doing at work, how your classes
were going, how you were doing with your separation... I know I had no right to tell him things about you, but I thought that was a good sign. ..you know, he was the one who broke up, so if he showed interest in you that could lead to... I ran my hand over my face in disbelief. "For him to forgive me," I finished in disbelief. Jenna, Nicholas was just trying to control me. It's what he
does, damn, even when he left me he kept doing it through you..." I suddenly realized something. I didn't tell you anything about my motorcycle crash, did I? I asked him out of the blue, understanding why he had been like that at our parents' house: because no one had informed him about it. Mainly because I kept it from everyone, it was stupid and I didn't want anyone to tell me
off. "Did you fall off a motorcycle?" my friend asked me. I snorted, covering my face with my hands. "Jenna, tell Lion not to open his fucking mouth, damn it, it's my life, you have no right to tell him anything." Jenna looked embarrassed and I was starting to get fed up with this whole situation. "Tell her to come here," I told her a minute later without even looking at her. "What?" she
asked in surprise. "Lion's party is next week, right," I said, watching the leaves from the trees fall, piling up on the bedroom window sill. Invite him to come... when he's here I can tell him.

CHAPTER 35 NICK

Jenna hadn't stopped harassing me after I told her it was going to be impossible for me to go to Lion's party. She was overloaded with work and in order to go she had to not only cancel like five meetings that week, but she had also arranged to meet with a real estate agent to put the apartment up for sale. She was carrying out all the necessary actions to permanently move me to
Los Angeles again; it was the best, not only for me, who had my whole family in California, but also for the company. I had completed my stay in New York, things were in order and going well, the time had come to end my retirement. The primary reason for moving my life to the Big Apple had been to get as far away from Noah as possible, but he was tired of being in the shadows.
My sister was there, my father, my friends.. as well as Sophia's family, although this detail was not that I cared too much. The phone rang again in my hand and with a snort I answered my friend's upset. The traffic was unbearable and I had to look several times on both sides of the road to cross so that nobody hit me; that was another: life in New York sucked my vital energy, I
needed the beach... urgently. "You're being so annoying, Jenna," I said, and even I heard the pissed off tone in my voice. "Look, Nicholas Capullo Leister," she replied, and I couldn't help but\ laugh in surprise. It is the birthday of your best friend, the person who has always supported you, and has been by your side every time you messed up. He gave you shelter when you ran away
from home! Have you forgotten? And you're the best man at our wedding, so get your ass over here if you don't want me to go over there and kick you out. Before I could answer I heard a noise on the other end of the line and the next person to speak was Lion. "Hello, uncle," he greeted me and I listened carefully to what was happening thousands of kilometers away. Jenna, go
away, let me talk to him. God, you're unrecognizable, baby! -He reproached her; I finally heard a door close. Nick, you have to come. I rolled my eyes. -Look, I know it's your birthday, I'm really sorry to miss it, but I'm full of it, it's going to be impossible, I'm sorry. "It's because of Noah," he blurted out at me then and that made me stop in the middle of the street, causing some of
them to almost collide with me; My friend's tone of voice, however, deserved that reaction. "What's wrong with Noah?" I asked as he turned a corner and onto a less-traveled side street. -I don't know, well yes, he hurt his back three weeks ago, he has been at home. He has had to rest, he can barely move. -In the back, what the hell has been done to leave it at rest for so long? Is it
okay? Is it serious -In my mind I was already canceling each and every one of the meetings for the next few days. Lion was silent for a few seconds. "There's something that doesn't add up to me, man. Jenna is really weird, I've never seen her so stressed in my life, and then there's Noah... I don't know, she says her back hurts, but the other day I saw her moving without a problem, I
think they're up to something and it's you better be here. This was all ridiculous, but if Noah was sick... "How the hell did she get hurt? What was she doing?" Lion heaved a deep breath. - He was loading boxes, he moves to another apartment. I know I should have told you, but Jenna has insisted that we can't keep telling you things without Noah's consent. -Why the hell are you
leaving the apartment? If it's paid for until June! I yelled as he crossed another street and held up his hand for a cab. "Yeah, but Noah doesn't know about that, remember? Ella thinks the flat was paid for a year after Briar left." That's what you told the landlady to tell her, right? I got in the cab and barked the address at the driver. "Damn woman," I exclaimed through clenched teeth.
Where is she living she now -Now with us, but she has rented a loft off campus. I could'nt believe it. I'd made sure Noah was going to live in the apartment he'd shared with Briar for at least another year. A loft! Off-campus was shitty and dangerous if she was going to live alone. Look, Nick, I already told you what I think you should do, I don't understand women, especially those two,
but I know that something is wrong and that it has to do with you. When have you ever seen Jenna insist so much on something that didn't involve shopping? At another time she would have laughed at me, but at the time I was a little worried. Yes, Jenna's insistence was strange, especially since the last time she had seen Noah, things had ended so badly. Maybe between the two of
them they planned to take revenge and beat me up. Ten minutes later I got to the block where my apartment was and started making calls. I was going to stand up a lot of people this week and a part of me kept wondering why the hell I was doing it. I arrived the same day as Lion's birthday and late. It was the only flight he had found and he was not in a very good mood. Not that I
really wanted to be there and even less to have to go to Lion's house to celebrate when what I wanted was to go to sleep for hours. Steve had arranged for my car to be dropped off at the airport, so I went straight to my spot and cut into traffic, nearly exceeding the speed limits. He had told Sophia that he would see her there, although he wasn't sure she would give him time to go,
she was almost as busy as I was. Jenna and Lion's apartment was in a nice residential area, close to the college campus but with no college kids, which made it the perfect location. Many newly married couples moved to that area. From my point of view, the only thing wrong with it is that it was not close to the sea. Shortly after arriving I found a parking space near the apartment.
Before getting out I took off my tie, threw it on the back seat, undid some buttons on my shirt and tried to comb my hair a bit with my fingers, but to no avail: he looked like he had just stepped off a plane and was completely exhausted. I knew that Noah was going to be at that celebration and I even got a little nervous. I had no idea what his attitude would be when he saw me walk
in the door, I just hoped he had his weapons under cover: that day I wasn't there to fight with anyone. I entered the portal and went up in the elevator. I got off on the fourth floor and when the doors opened I heard the racket that was going on there. The door to the apartment was open and there were people drinking at the entrance. I knew most of them and they all greeted me
enthusiastically when they saw me arrive. When I walked in, the first person I saw was Jenna, who was dressed in a very pretty dress and heels. She had two drinks in her hand and she seemed to sense my presence because she stopped on the spot and she came right towards me. "My God, you're here!" Her," she exclaimed in a rather hysterical tone. -I'm here! -She squealed
imitating her whistle voice. She didn't laugh at my grace; what's more, she looked around nervously. Yes she\ was weird. "Since you didn't confirm or anything, I thought..." "I told Lion I'd try, but I didn't get a safe flight until this morning... but hey, here I am," I said, grabbing one of the red glasses he was holding in his hand. and taking it to my mouth. He made a disgusted face.
"What the hell is this?" I exclaimed, handing her the glass back. "Pineapple juice," Jenna replied, raising her eyebrows. I looked at the people around me until I put my eyes back on her. "Pineapple juice... We're twelve years old and I didn't know..." Jenna blurted out something unintelligible and she handed me the other glass she was holding. Whiskey... Hmm, that was better. "Well,
Jenn...Where's Lion?" I don't know why but she gave me to follow her. The room was packed with people and I had to elbow my way in until I could see over everyone's heads Jenna leaning over someone sitting on the couch. I went there and saw that it was Noah. Just as Jenna was getting back up, Noah turned to where I was standing, and even with the distance between us I could
see that he was pale. Lion appeared in front of me and gave me a hug that nearly broke every bone in my back. "Thanks for coming, man!" he exclaimed, and I smiled back, not quite taking my eyes off Noah, who was no longer looking my way and seemed to have stretched like a violin string across the sofa cushions. Lion followed my gaze and nodded. -The poor thing... has been
there since all this started, I told him that he didn't have to come down, but he insisted. "Yeah," I agreed curtly. Only Noah would think of going down to a party while crippled. I finished what was left of my drink and put the glass down on the grand piano. He had gone there for only one reason...hadn't he? I knew it was wrong as soon as I saw him approaching and he didn't run off in
the opposite direction. She was very cute there on the sofa, in a black sweater and a knitted blanket covering her legs. Her face was radiant, so much so that I felt a pang in my heart when I walked over and sat right across from her, on the table in front of the sofa. I looked with a smile at the twenty-eight freckles on her nose that she had missed so much, and my eyes stopped on her
lips for a few more seconds. "Look at you... you look like an injured little bird that can't fly anymore," I commented with a smile on her lips. I didn't want to relive the last thing we'd shared: Noah broken in my arms telling me she loved me and asking me please not to leave her had tortured me every night since I'd returned to New York. "I thought you weren't coming," he
commented, clinging to the blanket for dear life. I cocked my head and nodded a few seconds later. "I made some calls and they gave me a seat on a commercial flight. I'm exhausted, I had never traveled in economy class. Noah nodded, looking at me distracted. "Why would you be sitting there if you had known she was coming?" I continued when I saw that she didn't say anything.
Her cheeks were dyed a too attractive pink for my sanity, but at least she had hit the nail on the head. "Everything okay," I asked, unable to avoid speaking to him with the sweetness of yesteryear. Something didn't add up to me and I started to get a little nervous. Noah looked around, as if looking for something or someone. The music wasn't too loud, but he dulled my ears and I got
the feeling she did too. "I'm fine, just a little tired. "Who are you looking for?" I said in a tone that brought her eyes back to me. I saw in her eyes a fear that I had never seen before... and I tensed up looking everywhere, waiting to see what had managed to provoke that fear in her... It took me a little longer than expected to understand that it was me who feared. Suddenly, and
before I could ask her directly what was wrong, Jenna appeared next to us and sat down on the sofa next to Noah, taking his hand and squeezing it hard, which brought a huge smile to her face. face. "Everything okay around here?" I went to answer, but then Noah's mouth dropped. "Lion!" she yelled. My friend appeared in a jiffy. Can you take me upstairs I think I've had enough for
today. Jenna pouted and glared at Noah with brown eyes and when I saw Lion lean down to pick her up in her arms, my body moved instinctively. I put a hand on his chest to keep him still. I suddenly felt cornered, I felt a strange environment, and the fact that Noah preferred Lion to me even when he was in front of me had hurt me like a kick in the stomach. "I'll take her upstairs," I
proposed, relaxing my stance. I crouched down next to Noah and caught her off guard; she reacted by clinging to my neck tightly. I felt her tremble in my arms and hurried out of the crowded room toward the stairs. "I didn't ask you to pick me up," she scolded me, and I knew that she was gritting her teeth. Great, she'd already gotten him pissed off. I went straight to the guest room
of the house. I knew which one it was because I had stayed in it a few times after spending lively evenings with my friends and being unable to drive after countless beers. I held her close to me, perhaps inappropriately considering we weren't getting out of her, and breathed in the scent of her neck as I leaned across the bed to set her on the pillows. In too much haste, especially if
she was screwed from behind, she pulled the covers down with her feet, crawled inside her, then covered herself almost completely. I looked at her in disbelief trying not to laugh. Then he reached out her hand and took mine, pulling me to sit next to her on the mattress. She sat up until her back was leaning against her headboard and she looked directly into her eyes. "There's
something I have to tell you," she announced with a shaky voice, squeezing my hand that she held tightly. I frowned, waiting for her to continue and just as she was about to speak, the bedroom door opened and Sophia appeared on the threshold. Noah paled until he was practically colorless. "They told me they saw you come up," Sophia said, looking at me with feigned calm. I stood
up and looked alternately from one to the other. Looking at Noah, I knew that nothing good could come of that meeting, but worst of all, it wasn't Sophia I wanted to follow downstairs, quite the opposite: I wanted to slam the door in her face and listen to what Noah was saying. he had been about to tell me.

CHAPTER 36 NOAH

Tell him, Noah, tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him. I had been repeating that in my head from the moment I saw him in Jenna's living room. I had thought that with everything that had happened and how angry I was with this whole situation, the attraction I felt for him would have disappeared, I don't know, now I was going to be a mother, weren't my priorities supposed to
change? Well, apparently not, because when I saw him crossing the room to approach where I was, my whole body began to tremble and not just with nerves. He had been nice, too nice for what I was used to, and I was practically speechless. Getting up like I did, I was afraid he'd notice something, I don't know, maybe I'd gained a few pounds... Lion had noticed, and Nick had never
been able to stop himself from biting me, so either he hadn't noticed or it is that he knew that the atmosphere was tense and he preferred to keep his mouth shut. Despite my nerves, I had managed to work up enough courage to tell him that we had to talk, but everything had exploded in my face when the door to my room opened and Sophia appeared, just in time to interrupt one
of the most important moments. of our life. I don't know if it was because of the rage I felt inside, the hatred towards Nicholas for having brought her, or even the despair that came over me when he confirmed that they were still together, that they were a couple that he belonged to her... but I felt that jealousy was tearing me apart. Never in all my life had I felt my heart beat so
fast in the presence of someone, all my instincts made me want to leave that room and never see them again. My state must have affected Mini Me, because I felt a bubbling in my belly, a slight movement, almost imperceptible, but which brought out all my maternal instinct in gushes and without filters. -Outside my room! I yelled madly. Their eyes widened as I grabbed the first
thing in my reach, which happened to be a pillow, and threw it hard at Sophia. The cushion just barely brushed against it, so I reached for something else to hit the target with, but then Jenna appeared in the doorway, and she looked at Sophia in surprise, then glanced quickly in my direction. My hands gripped something harder this time, I think a lamp. "Get her out of here!" I
ordered loudly, hoisting that heavy object. At that precise moment a hand seized my wrist: it was Nick. He was looking at me furiously. - What the hell is wrong with you! he bellowed. I felt the sudden need to hurt him. Damn idiot... Didn't he realize it? Didn't he see it in my eyes With my free hand I began to punch him, until it was impossible for me to continue because he also
immobilized my hand. "Nicholas, leave her alone!" Jenna yelled as hysterically as I did. I tried to get out of her grip, twisting and pressing my body to make her leave me alone; It was at that moment, when I exerted myself, that I noticed a slight dampness between my legs. I froze. "No." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I felt that panic seized me, that an intense fear seized every cell of my
body. I started to cry, and Nicholas released me and pulled away, looking at me in bewilderment. "Nicholas, get out of here," Jenna ordered in a tone she'd never seen him use on anyone. I didn't see when he left, I didn't hear what he said to him, I just hugged myself under the bedding. "I'm sorry I brought it, Noah, I didn't know," Jenna apologized into my ear. I shook my head trying
to calm down, I needed the adrenaline to disappear from my body, I needed to be relaxed, for Mini Me, for the baby, for my baby, who was restless because of me, I could tell. Jenna stayed by my side, smiling halfheartedly at me as she wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Everything will be all right," she stated calmly. I promise you, everything will be fine. I nodded wanting to believe
her. "Before..." I said in a broken whisper, "I noticed something strange... I think I stressed the baby and that caused..." Jenna's eyes widened in fright and I carefully sat up. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. Jenna waited and I came out a few minutes later. "False alarm," I announced in a shaky voice. Jenna sighed, closing her eyes and I felt some peace again. Being stuck in a
room with not much to do leaves you too much time to think about it. I had to go back to the doctor shortly, and whatever happened, I was going to have to start making decisions and taking charge of the situation on my own. For starters I was going to have to go to my apartment, I couldn't keep driving my friends crazy. It was clear that what had happened the day before could not
happen again, and the pressure of telling Nicholas was draining my life force, I had to tell him, and now, there was no going back, he was the father of Mini Me and Mini Me. it was going to come out of me in about four months, which meant that pretty soon I was going to have to put the baby's needs before my own. As little as I wanted to share this with him and as pissed off as I
was, I had no choice. I had planned to tell her in a subtle way, you know, testing the ground, and stick with her reaction until I died, but seeing Sophia had killed any vestige of kindness and tact. So the next day, during those moments of loneliness and inactivity, I made a decision. Phone. Contacts. Nicholas Leister. I'm pregnant. Send. End of problem. If I tell you that I regretted
pressing the button almost instantly, would that seem very cowardly of me? I remained silent looking at the screen, almost unable to breathe. Five minutes later it started ringing. Over and over again. I caught the phone with two fingers almost not wanting to touch it, and dropped it at the foot of the bed. Oh shit...why was she suddenly terrified-Jenna! I yelled out of breath. A
minute later my friend went up to see how she was doing. "Can we go somewhere," I said getting up from the bed and opening the closet. "But what are you doing?" she asked, alarmed. Go back to bed! I took some leggings and put them on in less than a rooster crows. Then I did the same with a jumper. -I really want to go to the ice cream parlor the other day. I put on her shoes
without Jenna being able to avoid it and I stopped in front of her looking into her eyes. "I'm having a super craving, the biggest I've ever had." Please take me, I'll sit in the car, I promise, but I need to get out of here. Jenna seemed to hesitate, but after continuing to insist for several minutes she ended up agreeing. We got into the car and it was only when we were out of sight of the
house that I was able to take a deep breath. I caressed my belly nervously, over and over again... «Oh, Mini Me... your father is going to kill me.» Jenna's phone started ringing just as she went downstairs to buy me ice cream. I took it with trembling hands and silenced it, despite knowing that she was doing wrong. God, I had dropped the bomb and now I was on the run. When Jenna
brought me the ice cream, I barely managed a couple of scoops before I told her the craving had passed and she now felt like throwing up. I knew it wasn't because of the baby, but more because of panic. "Then I'm going to take you home," she said, putting the keys back in the ignition. -No! I yelled startling her. Why don't we go to the movies? That's something I can do, right? I'll be
sitting all the time and resting... "If you want to see movie, we'll rent one, Noah, but you can't be around, you need to be in the bed, so no. "Jenna!" I yelled in exasperation. If I stay stuck in that room for another hour, I'm going to end up going crazy. Do me this fucking favor!" My friend's lips pursed in disgust. -Since you've been pregnant you've become unbearable. Had I told you?
"A couple of times, but come on, move on, move on," I encouraged her. When we got to the cinema there was still half an hour to go before the session started, so we waited sitting in the car. -I'm going to tell Lion that we won't arrive until later, I'm sure he's wondering where we've gotten to. I snatched the phone from his hands before he could see the missed calls. "But what the
hell is wrong with her," she snapped at me now unable to contain herself. Give me the phone! "Oh shit." "I will, but if you promise not to be mad at me." Right now I'm on my nerves and Ineed you on my side. Jenna seemed to have some sort of revelation. "What have you done, she?" she asked me, trying to stay calm. Why are we running, Noah? "We're not running...just...hiding," I
pointed out through a small mouth. She snatched the phone from my hands and fixed her eyes on the screen. "Fifteen missed calls from Nicholas!" Her," she squealed, looking at me perplexed. And another ten from Lion! What the hell have you made of her? I buried my head in her hands and Jenna pulled them down so she could see her face. "Have you told him?" "You could say
yes..." Jenna glared at me with her almond-shaped eyes and waited for me to explain. "She may have sent you a message." "Telling him that you have to talk to him?" I looked at her in silence for a few moments. "Telling him I'm pregnant." His eyes widened in horror. "Noah!" She yelled, not believing what she was hearing. Have you gone crazy? How can you think of it? -She's got
what she deserves, I didn't want to tell her in person, Jenna, I'm afraid of her reaction. Doing it by phone allows me to keep a safe distance of kilometers. "He must be climbing the walls!" Did you say anything else in the message? What exactly did you put in it? "'I'm pregnant,'" I replied with a shrug. Hey, don't look at me like that, I got the news in a pretty ugly way too, remember!
Jenna ignored my words. -But did you tell him it's his? I stopped in my thoughts for a moment. "I think it's pretty obvious that it is," I replied, though I hesitated at the end of the sentence. "It's Nicholas we're talking about!" Oh damn. Did you think Mini Yo belonged to someone else? I was shocked to find out that she was four months old because I couldn't tell. If Nicholas had done
the math, he would have concluded that he wasn't his because I didn't notice him so little, he'd think he was missing. Damn, I'd think he belonged to someone else! "Give me your cell phone," I asked Jenna. She handed it to me instantly. "Yes, talk to him..." she said taking a deep breath. By the way, it's yours. Send. "He's done," I announced, leaning back on the seat. Jenna turned to
me and yanked the phone out of my hands. "By the way, it's yours!" Her," she yelled, now losing her temper. But what's wrong with you? -Do not yell at me! I yelled back. It's the only way I can think of to talk to him without him killing me! "Let's go home right now," she arranged, putting the car in gear. "No, Jenna! Do not do it! -I begged him-. Please, please, give me time to
assimilate it... to me to assimilate it. God, God, stop, stop! "You're crazy," she snapped at me. As she had the phone in her hand, she saw the incoming call and picked it up without even hesitating. "Jenna!" -I pronounced her hysterical name of her. She ignored me. "Yes, he's with me," she said to whoever was speaking to her. Well, tell her to calm down, no, Lion, we'll talk later, you
and me, but I don't want her to get more nervous than she is, that's bad for the baby... Well, tell her! Oh shit, that made me more nervous. "We'll be there in five minutes." I looked out and felt like I was being taken to Guantanamo itself. When Jenna parked outside the apartment block it was like all my blood was concentrated in one place in my body. I felt myself shaking because I
had no idea what his reaction was going to be, I didn't know what he was going to say to me and, worst of all: I was afraid that things would not turn out well and he would end up staying with Sophia and me without my baby and without the person she was in love with. I opened the door to get out of the car and saw that the front door to the apartments opened the moment she
put her feet on the ground. Nicholas emerged from her and fixed her eyes on me in a way that wanted to make me disappear and the earth swallow me. Instinctively, I got back into the car and, without even thinking about it, I locked it and got locked inside. God, she was acting like a real coward! I felt like an idiot when Jenna crossed her arms by my window and looked at me,
shaking her head. Nicholas then appeared in front of me and watched me through the glass. He seemed beside himself, although he tried to appear calm. His eyes looked at me with concern, and then he indicated something with his finger. "Open up," he ordered calmly. I shook my head looking at him as if he were a slaughtered lamb. Nick put his hands on the window and leaned
over it, obscuring most of my field of vision. "May I at least come in," he said after deliberating in silence, I guessed. I watched as Jenna took the car key out of her pocket, showed it to Nick, and finally threw it at him. He caught it on the fly and walked around the car to climb into the driver's seat. I glared at Jenna with a hateful face. She simply apologized with a miniscule smile as
she took Lion -who had also come out accompanying Nick- by the hand and pulled him into the house. Nick opened the door, sat down, and without saying anything started the car. "Buckle up," he commanded as he backed the car out of the parking space and onto the road. God... Why didn't I explode? Or speak? Or say something at least? The silence was killing me. After several
minutes of unbearable silence, she decided to speak. "Only you can think of dropping something like this in a text message," she scolded me, taking a deep breath, as if she were trying not to explode with me in the car, she wasn't going to splash me. "Yeah, well...I wanted to do something original," she replied. Nicholas turned to face me, the vein in his neck throbbing under his skin.
-You almost gave me a heart attack, I almost didn't have an accident. What were you thinking about? He asked me raising his tone. Mini Me reacted to his voice in that bubbly way, just like the night before. I found it curious that he only did that when Nick was with me... I guess the butterflies I'd always felt around him had now turned into a baby. My hand instinctively rested on my
belly and the gesture did not go unnoticed by the erupting volcano next to me. His eyes fixed on that part of my body, then on me, and then automatically turned to the road. I didn't answer his last question, something told me it was better to keep quiet. Nicholas kept driving, it seemed like he was still taking it in and he needed to have his hands full until he could finally face me.
Half an hour later I realized that he was going to the beach. When we arrived, an inner peace ran through me, I felt that I was beginning to relax. Nick seemed to feel the same way, because he took a deep breath after staring at the surf for a few minutes and turned to look me square in the eye. "Am I going to be a father," he asked, and I saw fear in his blue eyes. I shuddered from
head to toe at that question. God, that spectacular man was the father of my baby! "If everything goes as it has to go... we're both going to be," I answered nervously. "I still can't believe it...how is it possible," he said, still not taking his eyes off me. I raised my eyebrows almost to my hairline. "You don't want to go there, Nick, believe me," I warned him angrily. She still hadn't
forgiven him for this. "May I?" he asked my permission, ignoring my answer. His hand reached out in the direction of my tummy, but he stopped halfway, waiting for my response. I reached out and brought his hand to my belly, mine on top of his. It was an incredible moment...a moment that, despite everything bad and everything that I still carried well inside of me, I would
remember forever. Then Nick lifted my sweater and placed his hand on my bare skin. My entire body burned at his touch. "How long..." he said doubtfully as he continued to caress me in amazement, as if entranced by what was under my feverish skin, because yes, have I already mentioned that his hand on my navel was heating me up and a lot -Five months I replied letting out a
ragged breath when his fingers dipped too low over the small roundness. I stopped his hand before I went into cardiac arrest. With the other I lowered my sweater almost in a hurry. "Enough touching," I ordered nervously. Nick gave me an intense and amused look at the same time. "Have you noticed it move?" he asked, focused solely on me. -No, but it will start to do so soon... I
just felt a bubbling, as if popcorn exploded inside me, I don't know if I explain myself. Nick laughed at my quip and I returned his uneasy look. There was too much tension in that car, more than he could handle. "How long have you known, Noah," he said, suddenly serious. I figured it was better to be honest this time. "More than three weeks ago. "More than three weeks is a long
time... More than enough to call me and tell me, don't you think?" he reproached me with annoyance, looking angrily ahead. I watched him frowning. "I was mad at you... To be honest, I still am." Nick turned to me in surprise. "Angry why?" I looked at him in disbelief. "This is your fault," I said, pointing to my stomach. I was still reliving the moment when I let him make love to me
without protection... but what an idiot! Nicholas let out an incredulous laugh. "I think it would be more accurate to say it's our fault, freckles." "Technicalities," I replied, looking at the sea. Nick seemed amused by my answer. Before our eyes one of the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen was taking place, I supposed that nature wanted to give me that gift, to paint with beautiful
colors a picture that was still too gray to be able to name it. As much as we both now knew what was to come, I couldn't get the last conversation I'd had with Nicholas before he left for New York out of my mind. I didn't know how we were going to proceed, and I wasn't sure yet what role I wanted Nick to play in all of this, either. "I'm tired, you should take me home," I asked, feeling
very sad all of a sudden. Nick turned to me and stretched his arm out behind my neck. His fingers caressed me lightly before forcing me to look at his face. "I want you to come with me," he announced then, catching me off guard. I want you to take your things and move into my apartment today. "No, Nicholas, I'm at Jenna's and in four days..." "I'm not going to argue about this," he
interrupted. Then he started the car. "What are you doing?" I asked surprised. "Take you with me." "Fuck, we already started!" "I don't want to go." "It's my son you carry inside of you, so I'm going to make sure he's okay." "It's my son who's inside me, and I'm already taking care that he's okay at all times, thanks for your interest," I replied indignantly. "You have to rest, right?" she
asked me then, looking alternately at me and at the road.-Yes, but... -Until the doctor tells you otherwise, you stay with me. There's nothing more to speak of. I went to reply, but I knew that I had everything to lose, especially since I couldn't make sudden movements like kicking him, for example. I just crossed my arms and stared at the road. Just a few hours had passed since she
had found out about the existence of Mini Me, and she already believed she had the right to dispose. "Yes, Mini Me, that's what your idiot father is like."

CHAPTER 37 NOAH

It took us over an hour to get to Nicholas's old apartment. The walk back from the beach and the stop at Jenna's to pick up some of my things had been spent in silence. And not because I had wanted to remain silent, no, the other way around, it was he who put on the music from the car and plunged into a state of almost total silence. Because I was so angry, I kept my eyes on the
road, although I have to confess that sometimes I glanced at Nick without him noticing, lest he catch me looking at him like a desperate woman who longs for the father of her son to say something encouraging words such as "I'm so glad" or "Everything is going to be alright". There was none of that, the magical moment of the car had vanished, staying on the beach; dusk had come
to an end and the darkness of the night seemed to have seeped into the air. What the hell was wrong with him? Okay, yes, it was news that left no one indifferent, but damn, a small talk would have been enough. When he pulled into the parking lot I got out without even stopping to wait for him. I went straight to the elevator. In theory she shouldn't be walking, but she wasn't going
to tell him; What's more, I now realized that Nick had no idea about the problems with my pregnancy and a part of me was afraid that I would have to tell him. Jenna could call him anytime and bring him up to date, but now that we'd left together, my friend seemed so much more relaxed and content, she seemed on cloud nine, actually. Poor naive, it was believed that by the simple
fact of having told her we were both going to suddenly become the happy couple of yesteryear... Ridiculous yes, but I'm not going to say that I hadn't expected it, at least a little. Nicholas caught up with me and together we went up to the fourth floor. He was carrying my little suitcase. Only when I entered did I understand that this place was no longer my place... much less Mini
Me's. The apartment was different, our photos, the paintings we had chosen together, the colored cushions... everything had disappeared; Furthermore, the furniture had even been replaced by some very expensive and elegant ones without any personality and looking very uncomfortable. Worst of all, I knew that nothing in there had been chosen by Nick... Someone else had made
those changes, and it didn't take more than a second for his name to come to mind. Damn, reality hit me like a sledgehammer to the stomach. Sophia had been there, Nicholas
raced. "Nothing...I was just thinking about the last time...you know, when you and I..." Nick's jaw clenched tightly, I guess what was a good memory for me made him angry. "I was an idiot... and irresponsible." I looked at his sour face and wished I hadn't opened my mouth. "What happened that night should never have happened," I sentenced to hide how much her attitude
saddened me. And it wasn't just your fault. Nicholas frowned, his gaze fixed on my face. "What happened, Noah?" he asked, and catching his tone of voice I looked up into his cold eyes. Did you lie to me? -What -I asked you if you were still taking birth control pills and you said yes, so explain to me how the hell this could have happened. Had she wondered about the pills? She'd been
so engrossed in what we were doing that night that she couldn't remember half of what we'd said to each other. It was like my heart was breaking again. "Do you think I did it on purpose?" Nicholas brushed his hand over his face, stood up, and walked away from me. "I don't even know what to think anymore... When you told me you were pregnant, it didn't even cross my mind that
it could be mine until you decided to clarify it for me with your happy little message," he explained, opening the minibar and taking out a bottle. I held my breath, saying nothing, I wanted to hear what he had to say. We've had sex once, damn it! Once in how much? A fucking year and a half and this happens! "Would you have preferred someone else's?" I didn't even recognize my
own voice, suddenly I wanted to get out of there. "You know perfectly well that you don't. I released the breath I had been holding. "You're a complete bastard for even hinting that I could have cheated on you." As if I could have any interest in getting pregnant at nineteen! You know what? You don't have to be a part of this. I am perfectly capable of carrying on on my own. That last
part wasn't true, but I wasn't going to tell him. Nick looked back at me as if he'd been insulted by him. "Is that what you want," he said then, and I felt the vein in his neck start to throb harder than usual. His jaw went rigid and the look he gave me held me still in place. It doesn't have to be your responsibility. Many mothers are capable of raising their children alone, you have too
much going on in your life right now and you made it very clear that you never wanted to see me again. Nick shook his head and gave a bitter laugh that I didn't like at all. Of course he didn't mean what he was saying, but he had already made it clear that he didn't want the baby and that he was sorry for what happened, and I wasn't going to be the one to hunt him down like
thousands of women do just because they're going to have a child; No, no way, it would be hard, I was choking just thinking about it, but I would never put him between a rock and a hard place, never. You have always gone through life wanting to solve all things by yourself, you never let anyone help you or tell you that you are wrong. And you know what, love? It makes you feel
sorry." "Love" sounded like the worst insult said out loud. But I'll tell you what, the child in you is as much mine as it is yours, so be very careful what you say. It took me a few seconds too long to answer. -Are you threatening me -I'm going to be part of that child's life and he's going to carry my last name. Why did what I'd been wanting to hear from minute one now only managed to
make me feel cornered -The child will have what's best for him, and I will be the one to make that decision. "Well, I don't think any judge would deny that I'm the one most prepared to take care of our son, don't you think? You don't have anything unless you ask my father for it." The thrill of hearing him say "our son" was gone in a heartbeat. I opened my eyes, unable to believe that
the word" judge" had come up in the conversation. "What are you trying to tell me?" I asked with a lump in my throat. Nicholas seemed beside himself, with each passing second, the more he became the Nick I didn't want to face. "I'm saying I'm not going to leave any loose ends." You and I aren't getting back together, so we're going to have to tie things up before you give birth.
Joint custody would be best... Now if you'll excuse me, I have important things to do. Without even looking at me he grabbed his coat and keys and slammed the door out of the suite. Fear and tears came later, accompanied by great helplessness. He was right, he had nothing, unless he asked for it, but God forbid Nicholas Leister would blurt something like that out of his mouth
again. If his intention was to face me, I would be waiting for him more prepared than ever.

CHAPTER 38 NICK

I took the car and took off stepping on the accelerator to the full. He needed to be alone and think. The phrase "I'm pregnant" still echoed in my head; I had tried to take it easy, really, but not only did this all still seem like a bad joke to me, but on top of that, I had just realized that Noah didn't even want her to be part of her and the baby's life. That's why it had taken her over three
fucking weeks to tell me, and I was sure, putting her hand in the fire, that she had ended up telling me because Jenna had insisted until she finally convinced her. "I'm pregnant." I don't think two words have ever affected me so much in my life. Two simple words, and I almost crashed into the car in front of me. Lucky I stepped on the brake just in time...! My cell phone slipped out of
my hands and I had to pull off the road to retrieve it and read them again. The world came crashing down on me, it was as if the air was suddenly taken from my lungs, the blood from my veins, and the coherent thoughts from my brain; I could only spin one in particular: "I kill him." Thank goodness the second text arrived in plenty of time to prevent him from committing murder...
only Noah could type messages like "I'm pregnant" and "By the way, it's yours" and feel so comfortable. I walked into a bar in town, one that many of the students on campus old enough to drink used to pick out for fun. I knew that drinking wasn't going to help me clear my head, but damn it, either I'd drink something strong or I'd end up going back into that room and making it
clear to that idiot that she and the baby were both mine, and that I was going to to be the one who was going to take care of both. The hatred that I had felt towards Noah at first had softened as soon as I placed a hand on his belly and realized that my own child was being formed inside it, their child. I never thought that would happen... Besides, as much as I tried not to think about
it, the difficulties Noah was going to have in conceiving had been a dark blanket over our heads from the moment we knew we were in love I downed the scotch in one gulp and ordered another. Had he said something about a judge? I ran my hands over my face, the music was pretty unbearable and there were too many people dancing around me. The bar was in the middle of the
room and being there was torture. I lifted the glass to my lips and clenched my jaw hard against the burn. Noah was going to be a mother... at nineteen. I hated myself in that moment, I hated that I had been so wrong, that I had forced her to do something that, as much as we both wanted, she made it clear that she didn't want to do it. Had she forced her on her? No, damn, she
hadn't, I had made love to her, treated her right, held her all night long and wanted to wake up next to her. It had hurt my soul to see that she was not there when I opened my eyes that morning; no matter what happened, she always ended up running away. My sick mind began to picture the kind of life we would have led if my father's bloody gala night had taken the car and taken
Noah to New York, as he had wanted to do, as he had told him we would. No one would have made those mistakes, no one would have touched my girl and now I would be with her and not in some seedy bar trying to get used to the idea that I was going to be a father, father, fuck, father of a baby. My life was going to take a one hundred and eighty degree turn and I had about four
months to get used to the idea and prepare. What the hell was I going to do with the company? What was I going to do with Noah? As I was on my fifth drink and my mind was starting to get cloudy, my gaze fell on something, rather, on someone who was sitting at the bar a few feet away. meters away. I knew who it was by how my body reacted almost instantly: all my muscles
tensed. I got up from my stool carefully and went to the corner of the disco. I grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up, catching him completely off guard. "What the hell are you doing here, you piece of shit?" I asked, pressing my forehead against his and entering a state in which I had only found myself once, a year and a half ago, the worst night of my life. Michael O'Neil pushed
me away hard, then looked at me with steely determination. "I paid you to get the hell out of my fucking city!" I bellowed, lunging at him. We both fell to the ground, causing people to scramble away and someone to call security. Damn, he was going to have to shell out a lot of money tonight to keep from getting into real trouble. Pushing that thought away, I landed another blow to
his ribs and he took the opportunity to hit me across the jaw. I felt the blood in my mouth and I spat on the ground with a renewed desire to kill him and end it all once and for all. "I've decided I don't give a shit about the deal we made," he said, levering up with his feet and taking control of himself for a moment; His fist collided with my left cheekbone and I felt the skin split open.
By the way... Noah is prettier than ever. The blood pooled in my head, I saw everything red, I even saw spots around me and the last thing I know is that there were three guys trying to get that bastard off me. They kicked us out through different doors, and because of who I was, they allowed me to recover in one of the private rooms and they even left me a phone to call someone
who could come pick me up. When Steve appeared at the back door I saw something was up. "There are several journalists outside, someone must have tipped off," he announced as he cursed to myself. What I was missing. Indeed, when I left, no matter how hard I tried to pretend that nothing was happening and hide the injuries on my face, they took numerous photos of me, until
I hid in the back of my father's Mercedes. Steve kept his mouth shut, though he seemed surprised when I told him to take me to the Mondrian. I didn't even want to think about how the press was going to react when Noah's pregnancy came out, much less how our family was going to react... it was going to be a scandal, especially since almost all the media thought that Noah and I
were brothers. Sophia was going to kill me, the scandal would also affect her family and perhaps hurt her father's political career. I staggered out of the car and asked Steve to pick mine up at the store. When I entered the suite, a sepulchral silence made all my hair stand on end. The room was dim and that could only mean one thing... I turned on the light in the room and saw that it
was completely empty. I went to the bed and picked up the note that was on the pillow. "Shit."

CHAPTER 39 NOAH

I hailed a cab as soon as Nick walked out the door, and two hours later I was surrounded by unopened boxes and tucked into bed eating a bowl of cereal I'd been able to find after much searching. She didn't have milk or anything in the fridge but at least she was alone, finally after so many weeks living with Jenna. I didn't know what I had been thinking to go with Nicholas, as if things
were going to go the way they used to. What had happened between the two of them couldn't just disappear like that, it didn't matter if I was pregnant, it didn't matter if he was the father, what he'd hinted at in that hotel room was going to linger in my memories much longer than anything I'd ever thought of. you could have told me in the past. How could I even believe that I could
be so low as to set him up with the baby? How dare he insinuate that he would take it from me when he was born? to a new level. I tried to calm down, I didn't want to stress Mini Me and although it took me a long time, in the end I managed to fall asleep, at least until around five in the morning when my phone began to vibrate angrily. I didn't plan to talk to him. Damn, now he had
found out that he had left me? What the hell had he been doing all night? Better not even ask. I sent him a simple message. Leave me alone. And he did...at least for a while. The next morning he showed up at the apartment. I guess Jenna hadn't wanted to give her my address until it wasn't a reasonable hour, but I wish she had checked with me first. She was sick of her and Lion
going where no one wanted them to. When I opened the door I found him with two paper cups and a Starbucks bag. He was dressed in a suit, and had a black eye, a gash on his left cheekbone, and a split lip. The combination was ridiculous. He looked like a pimp posing as a businessman. "Can I come in?" I crossed my arms. No, I didn't want it to happen, but we had to talk. I turned
my back on him and went to bed. I hated having to play at a disadvantage, hated having to climb into bed while he was there, imposing as if he were an adult and I was a child. "So you get into fights again... that will be a point in my favor when we fight over the custody of the child in court." "Enough, Noah," he cut me off, setting the drinks and the bag on the counter in my small
kitchen. You know he didn't mean it. "You seemed very determined when you made it clear that I'm not going to be able to take care of this baby." Nicholas passed his hand over his face and turned his attention to the house. I felt ashamed for the mess in which everything was. My loft was the least suitable for raising a child, and I was sure that was exactly what Nicholas was
thinking at the moment. "You could take care of that baby if you were missing two hands, Noah," he said, picking up the paper cup and walking over to my bed. It's hot chocolate. I reluctantly accepted the drink as I was starving. "I don't want to hear from you again that you're going to take the baby from me, do you hear me?" I said, more serious than in my entire life. -I would never
do that... Damn, who do you take me for? I shook my head, I couldn't even look at him, I didn't even want to have him in front of me. He had hurt me again, he had put his finger on the wound and he had hit me where it hurt the most, where I felt the most fear, and it was not being able to get Mini Me forward. He sat next to me on the bed. "Noah, look at me," she said in a firm
voice. I refused to do it, mostly because I felt like doing it would make me cry like a cupcake and the last thing I wanted to look weak at that moment. He caught my chin between her fingers and forced me to lock my gaze on his. "I'm sorry for everything I said yesterday," he told me as his finger caressed my chin. I will be here for you. "It's not what you want," I said, my voice shaking.
I had wanted with all my soul to be with him again, to start a family and start from scratch, but he had made it very clear that that was impossible. Now she was pregnant, and yes, things were changing. Now I had to look out for Mini Me, not myself, and that meant getting back into Nicholas Leister's life, no matter how hard he tried to throw me out. He was going to have to swallow
my feelings, I was going to have to pretend that everything could go back to the way it was before... that's what was left. Starring in the best movie ever. And Nick knew it too. "Come back to the hotel with me," he asked me, wiping a tear from my cheek. I would have given anything not to have to rest, to be able to be independent and not have to need anyone, but it wasn't the case,
I needed it, at least until the doctor told me that the baby was not in danger. So I accepted, I went back to the hotel with him. When we arrived, Nicholas helped me get settled back in and excused himself bysaying that he had some things to do at the LRB offices. He found it strange, we both were, we didn't seem like ourselves, so I was glad he was leaving. The rest of the day until
late at night I spent lying in bed reading Wuthering Heights. I had never really liked that novel-the characters were too tormented and the plot too dramatic for my liking-but something had made me want to read it again. In the end I left it on the table and tried to sleep. I hadn't heard from Nicholas and while it hurt me that he hadn't called me all day to check on him, I also realized
that he still had no idea what was going on with Mini Me. It had all happened so fast that he hadn't even asked me why he needed to be at rest. It had only been a day and a half since he'd found out, but the fact that we hadn't actually sat down and talked indicated how upset he must really have been. I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me.

CHAPTER 40 NICK

I had to go see Sophia. She hadn't stopped calling me since the night after the party at Lion's; she was furious because, by the time she was in Los Angeles, we hadn't even spent three hours together. Sophia's issue was something that she had to solve, in fact, when I verified how little I cared about cutting that relationship, I realized that it would never have worked, it could never
have been what she needed. Only Noah was able to keep turning my world upside down, but damn!... How could I not do it if I was going completely crazy just breathing? It was so strange to have her with me again, it was so strange not to be screaming to death with her, not having to hate her. The last year and a half I had spent all my energy hating her with all my might to hide the
part of her that loved her, to appease the terrible urge to run back to her side and beg her to be with me again. . It had taken a lot of self-control to leave her, to walk away and convince myself to rebuild my life with someone else, but it had all been a lie as big as a house All those feelings were suddenly on pause. Hate no longer seemed to make sense and love was struggling to get
on stage. A growing part of me was dying to go to her, hold her in my arms and never move. I felt relief... endless relief. Hating the woman I loved had been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do in my life. And now something told me to stop fighting, to stop swimming against the current, my path was always clear, my destiny was that girl. Sophia was also in a hotel, after telling her
that my apartment had flooded. I had to come up with something to kill time and put things in order. I parked and prepared to face someone I didn't want to hurt. She opened the door of her room for me dressed in a pretty plum-colored dress. Her countenance clearly showed that she knew something was wrong. A "we need to talk" never boded well. I went in and didn't take off
my jacket or kiss her on the lips like she had almost gotten used to doing. Sophia frowned and invited me into the living room of her suite. Once there, I went to the minibar and poured myself a drink. Sophia sat on the white leathers of a and watched me as she avoided her gaze and took a long swallow of the whiskey. "You're going to leave me, aren't you," she said, breaking the
sudden silence. I looked up and fixed it on her face. "I don't think I ever got to have you, Soph. She shook her head and shifted her gaze to the table before her. "I thought...I thought we were moving forward, Nicholas. What has he told you? What has he done to make you change your mind now? Because a week ago you were telling me that you wanted to live with me. Hell yes, I
had asked him, I was sick of feeling bad for Noah, I was sick of waking up alone at night, thinking, wondering if I'd done the right thing letting her go... "I know... and I'm sorry, damn, really. Sophia, I'm not doing this to hurt you, but I can't keep denying how I feel about Noah. If I'm not with her I prefer not to be with anyone. I told you that ours was a pain and you accepted it, then
things started to change and I'm not saying it's your fault, I also got carried away because it was... "Easy," she interrupted me. I stayed quiet looking at her. Yes, he had hit the nail on the head, being with Sophia had been easy, pleasant, correct, but there had been no passion, no magic, no irrational desire to be with her, to want to possess her, to want to make her mine... That had
only felt by a person. "I'd rather drop this now than break your heart later." Sophia smiled without a hint of joy in her eyes.-What makes you think you haven't already done it to her? No. She waited for me to answer, she got up from the sofa, turned her back on me and went into her room. I thought about going after her, apologizing, giving her more reasons why we weren't going
to work out, but that was Sophia. She wasn't going to insist, she wasn't going to beg me... if she wanted me, her way of doing it wasn't the right one and she would one day find out. I was not the man of her life. When I entered the suite the fragrance of Noah's shampoo invaded my senses. Everything was practically in the dark, only illuminated by a standing lamp lit in a corner. Noah
was lying down, her head on the pillow and her hair scattered over it. I felt the bulge in my pants get hard just looking at her...damn how beautiful she was! I knew perfectly well that the best thing would be to leave or at least wait for the alcohol that was coursing through my veins from the drinks that I had had in a bar that I went to after leaving Sophia to disappear from my body,
but suddenly I just I could think of one thing. I took off my shirt as I walked to the foot of the bed. My eyes lingered on the curve of his behind, on his long legs that clung to one of the pillows, on his rosy cheeks. I sat on the bed and watchedher carefully. It had been so long since I did that that I felt an inner peace in the center of my soul. Watching Noah sleep had always been a
spectacle but right at that moment what I wanted was for him to open his eyes... Damn it, I wanted him to realize that I was the center of his world, I wanted him to look at me the way he used to. .I noticed the book that was resting face down on his table. I opened it and began to read the page where he had left off. A paragraph caught my attention and I kept reading: ... neither
misery, nor debasement, nor death, nor anything that God or Satan had reserved for us could have separated us; and you, for your pleasure you did it. I have not broken your heart; you are the one who has destroyed it, and by destroying it you have done the same with mine. Worse for me if I am strong. What need do I have to live? What life will be mine when... Oh! God! Would
you want to live with your soul in the grave? I clenched my jaw hard. The next sentence was underlined in pencil. You also abandoned me, but I don't blame you. I forgive you. Forgive me! I closed the book and counted to ten.

CHAPTER 41 NOAH

My sleep was restless, in it I was in labor and a lot of doctors yelled at me that there were complications and that the baby was in danger. He pushed and pushed because that was what he was supposed to do. My eyes looked around me, searching for the one person who could banish my most horrible fears. "I can't do it alone...please...Nick...I need it, please..." "Mr. Leister said he
won't come...he insisted he didn't want this baby, or you." neither. I noticed how he cried, not only because of the pain but because of how alone he was. Mini Yo was about to leave, but when he did, the delivery room did not resound with the loud crying of a newborn baby, but with absolute silence. Someone without a face approached me and handed me a bundle wrapped in
blankets. The baby did not move. "I'm sorry...he was stillborn." I opened my eyes sitting up on the bed. It had been a nightmare... I noticed the tears wetting my cheeks and my heart beating a thousand per hour. Then my eyes fell on the person in front of me. Nicholas had fallen asleep on the sofa, sitting up. I didn't even doubt it. I threw off the covers, got out of bed and went to
him. When I sat on his lap, lifting his arm so he could hug me, his eyes widened with a start. "Noah..." he said stunned at first, but holding me tight a second later almost automatically. I buried my face in his neck and began to shake like a leaf. "What happened? Are you okay? Is he okay..." I shook my head, feeling a lump in my throat that prevented me from making any sound. Nick
took my chin between his fingers and searched my eyes with his. "Why are you crying?" he asked me scared. I closed my eyes when his fingers caressed my cheek, taking away my tears. "I've had a nightmare..." Nick seemed to relax a bit and his arms came around me tightly, pulling me against him. -Do you want to tell me about it? That sometimes helps... That situation seemed
strange to me. During most of our courtship I had hidden from him that when I wasn't with him I had a hard time falling asleep; he had always protected me from my bad dreams without even knowing it, with him close I slept without any problem. "I was in labor..." I explained in a very low voice, "and you weren't there." Nick's jaw clenched tightly, but he waited for her to continue.
-I pushed and did what the doctors asked me... but in the end Mini I was stillborn and I... I... Nick hugged me and I let myself be swallowed up by his big arms, the image of my dead baby did not it went out of my head. "That's not going to happen, Noah," he assured me, stroking my hair with his long fingers. "How do you know?" I asked, resting my head on his shoulder and closing
my eyes. Nick pulled me to look at him. -To begin with, because nothing and no one can prevent me from being with you when you're in labor. I stared at him for a few seconds. "Do you promise?" I asked helplessly. "I'll hold your hand from the moment it starts until the moment it's over, you have my word." Despite the fact that I would never have expected anything different, I felt
an immense relief run through my entire body. His hand then moved out of my hair and placed on my belly. "Shouldn't it be noticeable," he said with a frown. "It'll grow..." I replied, holding my breath as his hand slipped under my shirt. Sometimes I think he was waiting for you to find out so he could show himself... "I still have a hard time believing it, you know," he confessed, still
not taking his eyes off mine. Everything was too overwhelming, Mini Me, him, us... I still had no idea of all this, there were too many changes and all of them happening almost at the same time. "I'm scared," I declared, wanting time to stop, wanting to go back to the beginning, to when it was just him and me, and problems hadn't come to hurt us yet. "It's normal that you are... I'm
scared," he said, looking ahead. But everything will work out, you'll see. "And if it isn't," I whispered to him, afraid to voice my fears out loud. This shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't be a mother... my body... "Your body is perfect," she settled without leaving a doubt. "Nick...the baby...I nearly lost him," I admitted, afraid to look him square in the eye. "What are you talking about?"
I tried to calm myself so I could explain it to him. "Do you remember the night of the housewarming party... When you had to take me home..." It didn't take Nick more than two seconds to remember, and all of him went on guard. We were so close that I was fully aware of the vein in his neck beginning to throb threateningly. It was obvious that he remembered how drunk he had
been. -I think that was when I had the first threat of abortion... I thought I had just gotten my period... but no. "Don't feel guilty about something you didn't know," he advised me. "I hurt her...and now I've had to lie in bed for weeks and I don't even know what the doctor is going to say when I go to the office the day after tomorrow." -That's why you have to rest... -I have a bruise
and until it disappears I won't be able to do practically anything, the doctor has told me that it is normal in first-time pregnant women, although with advanced gestation it begins to be more dangerous and not only for the baby, but also for me. Nick tensed under me. "Repeat that about you being in danger," he asked me, staring at me, with fear so present in his eyes that even I got
nervous. "In case I lose it, but that's not going to happen," I said firmly. Nick seemed to be at a loss for words, as if the reality of the possibility of losing me and the baby had suddenly terrified him. He got up from the sofa with me in his arms and put me on the bed. He started pacing the room, his mind far away. When he approached me again, his face was contorted with fear. "I'm
so sorry, Noah..." he apologized, taking my face in his hands. This shouldn't be happening... if something happened to you... I went to tell him that the important thing right now was the baby and not me, I was fine... but his lips crashed against mine and my world stopped. His mouth seemed to want to find comfort in mine. It took me a couple of seconds to let him in, I was so
stunned to see that he was passionately kissing me after so long. I felt his tongue touch my lips and when I opened them his intoxicating breath gave me chills. My hands found his hair and I pulled him to me, but he didn't let the kiss drag on. He pulled back looking into my eyes. "Go back to sleep," he said then, breathing hard. You need to rest and I... he started to leave, but my hand
took his, holding him to my side. "Stay with me until I fall asleep, please." Nick seemed to be fighting a great internal battle. He finally kicked off his shoes and lay down next to me on the bed. He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest. I didn't want to dwell on what had just happened, I didn't know where we were or how we were going to proceed. A kiss didn't
mean anything, did it? I finally fell asleep with his hand stroking my hair and his heartbeat accompanying me like a sweet lullaby. When I opened my eyes the next morning all I could hear was the click of the computer keys. Opposite the bed was a sheer curtain dividing the bedroom from the rest of the suite, and I sat up to see a blurry Nick sitting on the sofa, scowling at the
computer screen he held on his lap with a grim face. friends. I remembered the moment we had shared the night before. It had been over a year and a half since I had gone to Nicholas to feel better, it had been a year and a half since he held me in his arms until I fell asleep... Yes, he had been very goodto me, but he hadn't even the I had no idea what situation we were in right now
and I was afraid to ask. Nick knew I was awake because he looked up from the computer and fixed on me. We both stared at each other holding our breath, me at least, until Nick closed the laptop, placed it on the table, and came over to the bed. I didn't say anything, I just waited to act on it. As he stood next to me, looking down at me, I felt my breath hitch. "How are you?" he
asked, and his hand caressed my cheek, tucking a strand behind my ear. "Very good," I replied almost automatically. My brain was focused on the slight caress of his fingers. He nodded and turned his back on me, walking away again. "Are you leaving?" I couldn't help but ask. "I have many things to do, including finding the best gynecologist," he replied, taking the phone out of his
pocket and staring at the screen. Put on your clothes. I'm going to ask them to bring us breakfast. I gawked at him, and Nick gave me an urgent look. I quickly put on the first sweatshirt I could find and kept my pajama bottoms on. About ten minutes later breakfast was brought up to us, two immensely large trays of food for a regiment. Nick had just gotten off the phone and he didn't
do it until he had practically run out of food. When he finally approached the bed he glared at my half-full plate. "Eat," he ordered me simply. "I don't fancy anything else," I answered, distractedly stirring the eggs on my plate. We hadn't talked about ourselves, and that made me nervous. I couldn't get the words he said to me last time out of my head and how sure he seemed to say
that he was never going to be able to forgive me. "Stop playing with your food, you barely ate anything," he accused me in exasperation. I pouted at him. "This is how it's going to be now," I said annoyed. You bossing me around all the time? If I know, I'm staying at Jenna's. Nick scowled, but before he could reply there was a knock on the door. A few seconds later Steve entered with
a grim face and a couple of magazines in his hand. "It's everywhere, Nicholas," he commented, and he didn't seem surprised to see me sitting there, carrying a tray overflowing with eggs, fruit, cereal, and coffee. "I know," said the aforementioned, turning his back on me and crossing the room until he reached the desk that was in the room. Steve followed him... and so did I. "What's
all over the place?" I asked, and before anyone could stop me snatched the magazine from Steve's hands and saw one of the People magazine headlines. "Nicholas Leister Back to His Old Ways" was the headline. Beneath it was a photo of him with a scowl and a cut jaw, leaving a pub. I went to find thepage to continue reading, but he snatched the magazine from me to find a furious
Nick looking at me with dark warning. "Go back to bed, Noah. Now," he added when he saw that I faced him and crossed my arms. "Not until you tell me what's going on." He tensed and looked at me nervously. "I'll tell you what you want, but please get into bed." His gaze crossed mine and I noticed his fear, still recent in the background of those spectacular irises. I did as he asked,
feeling rather strange having Steve follow my every move. Only when Nick saw me under the covers did he seem to breathe easy again. "Talk to Margot, she'll take care of this," Nick ordered, then tossed the magazine into the trash. Steve couldn't take his eyes off me "What's going on here?" he asked, turning to me. I had never seen Steve look at me like that; what's more, the look
he gave Nicholas was clearly censorious; For the first time since I'd met him, I saw Steve address him in a threatening way. "I'll explain it to you as soon as he can; Now please do as I asked, he talks to Margot and tries to make sure that nothing that happens here comes to light. The last thing I want is for the press to find out that Noah is with me. That hurt me, why lie, but I was more
focused on trying to figure out what the hell could have happened so that the press had take that headline and that Steve faced for the first time a Nick whom he had protected and cared for since he was barely a child. child. Steve ignored who was actually his boss and walked over to the bed where she was lying. "Everything okay," he asked, looking at me with concern. Behind him,
I saw Nick cross his arms and look at him penetratingly; He clearly didn't like that she was ignoring him and even more, knowing him, that he was in front of the bed where he was lying under the sheets. "You don't have to worry about me, Steve," I answered, trying to convey calm with the relaxed tone of my voice. He didn't seem too convinced with my answer, but at least he
nodded and without even looking at Nick, he walked out the door without saying another word. "What was that about?" I asked now, paying attention to his reaction. Nicholas was still staring at the place where Steve had left. "It's clear that his priorities have changed," he said angrily, although I noticed a trace of approval in his voice. "Are you going to tell me once and for all who
you had a fight with and why?" I said tiredly. He ran his hand over his face, where he already had a stubble that gave him a bad-boy look that made my whole body vibrate. "I ran into Michael at one of the bars on campus," she explained with a defiant look, never taking her eyes off mine, for he seemed to be measuring my reaction very carefully.No matter how hard I tried to hide
my astonishment, I couldn't do it. I tensed under the covers and fear settled in my body. We got into a fight and we both got kicked out, the press found out about it and now they use it to try and discredit me. Michael and Nick... Damn, last time things had ended very, very badly. That concern had disappeared as soon as Michael left town and Nick did the same. The last thing he
would have expected is for them to meet again, let alone come to blows. "You shouldn't have hit on him," I told him. Although it sounded recriminatory, she was scared, scared for him because she knew she couldn't get into trouble, if Michael reported him she wasn't sure what could happen to him, but what happened that night so long ago couldn't happen again. . She moved to
the foot of the bed, every muscle flexing under her clothing. "Have you seen him again? Michael had said anything to him about the little meeting we had about a month ago." "I saw him on the college campus, we barely exchanged three words, Nicholas, I want to see him as much as you do; she thought that he was not going to return, but apparently that is her intention. "I don't
want you near him, Noah. His words of hers clearly sounded like a threat. "I'm not going to do it." Astonishment crossed her features, it was clear that she had not expected that response from me. The explanation for her astonishment was that Nicholas had no idea of the harassment he had suffered from Michael a few weeks after Nick left for New York. She wasn't going to tell him,
especially since she was pretty sure that Michael's intentions didn't go beyond immature interest in fucking Nick, which she had never seen kindly "I don't want that son of a bitch to be near you," she declared now, coming closer to sitting next to me on the bed. I nodded, trying not to feel selfconscious about the intensity with which she spoke. promise me I blinked when I saw that
my answer was just as important to him as it was to me that he, too, stayed away. -I promise. "Good," she said, getting up again. Now I have to go to the office. I looked at him with disappointment, but I couldn't expect him to stay locked in that room with me for what could be months. "If you need anything, anything, call me on my cell and please don't get out of that bed, Noah,"
she asked me firmly. I nodded and shortly after Nick left; he promised not to be late and left me alone in that unknown room waiting for him to return.

CHAPTER 42 NOAH

The next two nights followed one another in a strange way. Nicholas spent most of the day in the office and by the time he arrived in the wee hours of the morning, I was already in an almost deep sleep. When I opened my eyes, the sheets on her part of the bed were wrinkle-free and I simply found a note wishing me a good morning and warning me not to do anything that could
harm me or the baby. The night before I left my seclusion and went to the hospital I forced myself to stay awake on the sofa, very angry as I could barely keep still in place. Things were still so up in the air that anxiety and the fact of going almost forty-eight hours without hardly engaging in a decent conversation with anyone were ending up affecting me in a dangerous way. I felt
anxious, nervous, and sometimes the fear of things going wrong or of what they could tell me in the office made the days, hours and minutes go by in desperate slow motion. It was almost two in the morning when the door to our room opened with hardly a sound. The sofa was aligned to the left, but he had a clear view of anyone who entered the bedroom. Nick stopped in surprise
when he saw me there, and something in his gaze managed to make me feel the way you feel when you plummet down a hundred-foot roller coaster. "What are you doing up?" he said, dominating his expression and leaving his leather jacket on the ticket booth. When I looked at him I verified that he did not come from the company, his attire was casual but elegant, but there was
no sign of a tie or of any of the suits that he had ordered to be picked up from his apartment. "Wait for you," I answered, noticing the anger in my voice. He was free to go out there, to meet people and behave like someone grown up and social; I, on the other hand, had to be stuck in that room with no one with whom I could share my fear and anxiety. "You should be in bed," he
commented, and to my astonishment, when he came over to me, he bent down to pick me up and carry me himself. I held on to his neck, surprised that he touched me again after two long days without barely touching. My body vibrated like never before and I wanted to share that intimacy we had when we were together again. He had repented? He hated me again like before but
he covered it for the baby? Now he didn't even look me in the eye, not since I promised him to stay away from Michael. She was afraid that his return had awakened all those memories that she knew were still present in his head, memories and wounds that didn't seem to want to disappear. She was afraid that eventually, after all, Nick would still think it was best to be apart and
that nothing, not even a child of his, was going to change his mind about that. When he deposited me on the bed, I didn't let go of his neck. I pulled at him, wanting him not to let go, asking for a kiss, and when he stopped just above my lips, so still my heart nearly stopped, all my fears were justified. "I can't, Noah," he confessed in a whisper, taking my arms and pulling me away from
him. He without even giving me a brief glance, he turned away from me and went into the bathroom. I, on the other hand, stayed still where he was, assimilating his rejection. My heart seemed to bleed under my chest, realizing that we had gone back to the beginning. I snuggled under the sheets and tried not to make him notice the incessant tears rolling down my cheeks. I
pretended to be asleep when I heard the bathroom door open and realized that Nick hadn't been sleeping with me and made the bed afterwards, but had been lounging on the couch, as far away from me as possible. The doctor's appointment was at noon, and I was surprised to see that Nick had been left working in his hotel room. I got into the shower barely looking at him and
when I looked in the mirror I saw that my eyes were swollen and red. I didn't want him to see how much his rejection the night before had affected me, so I spent a long time covering those dark circles and presenting a moderately acceptable appearance. It's amazing the miracles that good makeup can do. What I didn't like was that when I went to choose what clothes to wear I
realized that not everything fit me. It was something new to me: I'd never had a weight problem, never had to lie on the bed and roll over to button up my jeans. Although my pregnant belly was still barely noticeable, I already felt like a real cow. My bad mood was so evident that when I left the bathroom I slammed the door shut. Nick looked up from his computer and looked at me
curiously. "I need you to lend me your car keys," I said sulking and wanting to get out of those four walls as soon as possible. Nick frowned. -What for, if it can be known I looked at him incredulously. Had he forgotten -To go see the doctor who isin charge of your son's health: for that I need the keys. Nick tried to hide a smile that was threatening to spread across his lips and got up
from his chair. He closed the laptop, picked up the car keys and twirled them in his fingers. -I am aware that today you have to see the gynecologist, what I do not understand is what makes you think that you are going to drive yourself. I clenched my jaw hard. -I am perfectly capable of driving a car; What's more, I can affirm that I even do it better than you. Nick approached me,
smiling now without hiding it, and for a few moments his eyes traveled all over my body. I would have liked to put on a burqa, at that moment the last thing I felt was attractive and that he was so spectacular only made me even more angry. "You'll show me your driving skills later, freckles, the last thing I want to do right now is put you in front of a wheel," he said, grabbing his jacket
and mine and opening the door for me. Come on, I'm looking forward to meeting my son. It took me a few seconds too long to react, but I finally forced my legs to move. We didn't go out the front door of the hotel, we went straight down to the parking lot. As we got onto the freeway, I felt like there was something I needed to tell her, no matter how angry I was. "Today they may
tell us the sex of the baby," I commented casually, downplaying the matter, although inside I was dying to find out if what I was carrying inside me was a mini-Noah or a mini-Nick. Nicholas turned to me, his eyes widening in surprise. "Today," he asked, focusing again on the road; I could tell by the movement of his hands on the wheel that he had become more nervous than he was
trying to appear. "I could have known weeks ago, but... I preferred to wait," I admitted, looking away. I didn't want to confess to him that the idea of receiving that news without him by my side had been unbearable, I didn't want him to know how much I needed him at that moment, more than I would ever say. Nick caught my hand unexpectedly and brought it to his lips, where he
brushed my hand with a fleeting kiss. I looked at him surprised that he had broken down that barrier that he had built so well around us. "Thank you for waiting for me," he said emotionally, looking into my eyes with infinite tenderness. There was no need to say it out loud, she knew me almost better than I knew myself. After that, a not so uncomfortable silence settled between us,
and the curiosity to know what I was thinking with such concentration forced me to break it despite my reluctance. "Which do you prefer?" Nick smiled, not looking back at me this time. "And you?" I asked first. Nicholas chuckled and glanced at me before refocusing on the cars in front of him. "I guess I'm good at girls," he admitted after deliberating for a few seconds. -And so much.
I couldn't help but answer him. My accusation did not go unnoticed, but he chose to ignore my comment. -If I remember correctly, a couple of nights ago I heard you call the baby Mini Me, or am I wrong? I felt myself blush; okay yeah, that's what she called him in my mind, but that didn't mean I saw him as a girl. "I don't know if I'd be able to handle a miniature Nicholas," I blurted
out defensively, though infinite warmth washed over my body as I envisioned a baby like Nick in my arms. "A miniature Noah would wear me down too, freckles. Sometimes I pity your poor mother, what she had to put up with... I glared at him even though I knew she was kidding. -Don't worry, I'll take care of our daughter whether she's unbearable like me or pedantic like her
father. Nick kept looking ahead with a huge smile on his face, he didn't even bother to hide it anymore. "If we have a daughter, she will be the dearest girl in the world." Noah, there won't be a father on this planet who's going to take care of her as well as I do, that's for sure. The jokes disappeared as soon as he made that comment and I had to look out the window to hide my face
and the emotions that his words had just awakened in me. I hadn't known what it was like to have a father who loved me and protected me above all things and the simple fact of imagining it, of seeing Nick with our daughter or son, made me understand that, whatever happened between the two of us, our baby would be the most loved, of that I was completely sure. We arrived at
the hospital a short time later, and I couldn't shake the feeling that going in there with him and seeing the baby on the ultrasound together was going to make it so much more real. In the waiting room there were many women accompanied by their partners. Nick and I were the youngest of all. It was very strange for me to see both of us in that situation. When they called my name I
couldn't help reaching for Nick's hand to get into the office. Suddenly I was very afraid again for what they were going to tell us about the baby, and more so now that things were beginning to become something more real and tangible. There was nothing I wanted more than to bring a healthy and happy baby into the world, and I hated to think that my body might prevent that wish
from coming true. Dr. Hubber greeted me warmly as we entered the office together and looked curiously at Nick, who held out his hand and regarded him with mock politeness. He knew him well enough to know that he was already going to start taking fault with him. "Doctor, this is Nicholas Leister, my... well, the father," I clarified, blushing and feeling rather stupid. Nicholas didn't
add any kind of clarification and, although I would have liked to see him mark territory like he used to do when we were together, at that moment all I could think of was that everything was fine with Mini Me. Dr. Hubber instructed me to lie down on the table while he asked me some routine questions. Nicholas seemed to be putting all his concentration on my answers and upon
hearing some of his answers his frown grew more and more pronounced. When the doctor moved the probe closer and asked me to lift my shirt, Nick stepped forward and stood next to me, his eyes on the doctor's every move. He put the cold gel on me and began to slide the probe over my bare skin; a few seconds later Mini Yo appeared on the screen. Although only two weeks
had passed, the differences were very evident. The baby was much bigger than last time and his features were already moving away from those of some kind of tadpole with legs and arms. It had always been amazing to watch, but this time it was so much more special. I caught Nick's expression, he looked completely stunned, and I understood that feeling: it was one thing to be
told, quite another to see it for yourself. The gynecologist kept moving the probe and began to do the calculations and measurements on him. "I have good news," he announced, looking at both of us, "the bruise has almost completely disappeared; there is still a little shadow, but that will end up going away in the next few days almost certainly. "
such emotion that my eyes filled with tears. Our eyes met and we both smiled amused, remembering the conversation in the car. Seeing Nick's reaction was something I still cherish as the best memories of my life. His emotion was such that he stared at the screen for several seconds. What he did next took me by surprise: he leaned toward me and planted a kiss on my lips, a kiss I
received with pleasure and shame, since Dr. Hubber was less than two feet away. His eyes searched mine as he pulled away from my mouth and I felt him completely melt me. "Mini You ended up being Mini Me," he commented, smiling at me. "Don't let it go to your head," I warned him happily. On the way back to the hotel, and now that we knew that the baby was fine and that I
could lead a normal life, I began to make plans in my head, plans in which I could finally take control of my life. I needed to feel useful again. For someone like me, used to always being up and down, spending almost a month in bed had been a horrible nightmare. "I need to stretch my legs, God, I want to go running, I want to go to college, go back to work..." I blurted out dreamily,
looking out the window. "Didn't you hear the doctor," Nicholas snapped at me harshly. The bruise has not completely disappeared, you can't go back to doing those things like nothing. I turned his face in his direction. -Didn't you hear? He said that I can lead a normal life now. It's easy to give your opinion when you haven't had to be bedridden for a month. Nicholas exhaled through
his nose and gripped the steering wheel hard. "We need to talk about my apartment downtown... I know you don't want to go there and I respect that, but we need to put things in order. The hotel is fine, but I attract too much attention there and right now it's the last thing I want. Do we have "I have my apartment paid for and waiting to be settled in, Nick," I said, wishing I could go
back there and spend some time alone and prepare for what was coming my way. You can return to yours. "Is that what you want? That we live apart?" The tone of his voice conveyed pain, a pain that mixed with the anger he felt at my words. "We can't live together basically because we're not together. And as much as he hated it, that was the reality. "My God, Noah, things have
changed, don't you think?" I shook my head, that was exactly what I didn't want to happen.-What has changed is that I am going to have a baby, but nobody says that you and I have to go back for that. I've come to accept it, so..." "So what," he said, turning sharply to the right and pulling into the hotel parking lot. I screwed up, and now I'm going to take care of you. "What are you
going to take care of?" she replied indignantly. I am not your responsibility, and I am not going to be with someone who made it more than clear that he was not going to love me again, much less trust me, so let's go back to the beginning. You can take care of the child with me, but that's it: I'm not going to live with you, I'm not going to do what you tell me, and I'm not going to
change my doctor. Until I give birth, I'll make the decisions and when the baby is born we'll put things in order so we can raise him together, but each one in her house. I got out of the car slamming the door. This was exactly what I had feared all along, that Nicholas would see the pregnancy as a twisted way to get back at me. That, however, things weren't done, I wasn't looking for
sympathy in Nicholas or being in his charge... Good God, as much as his rejection still hurt me, I would never do something like that to him, I would never force him to come back. with me. Nicholas was silent until they reached the room. "So, your plan is for everyone to move on with their lives and then, what? Have joint custody? Is that what you want?" he asked me, sitting on the
edge of the bed and watching me as I began to unhook my clothes from the hooks. hangers and fold them haphazardly on the small table in front of the bed. My eyes drifted from the clothes for a second and fixed on him. He seemed calm, but as much as he managed to stay calm now, I knew very well what was hiding under those eyes. He didn't like what he had said in the car and
now that I was hearing it from his lips, I couldn't help but feel the same. We'll have to split up the days, weekends, vacations... Is that what you want? Do you want our son to grow up with separate parents? My eyes moistened at the horrible reality I was bringing up. I knew what it was like to be raised that way: half my life I hadn't had a father and the other half I had spent hiding
out of fear that he would hurt me. Nick had also had to watch his parents break up and his mother leave him. For a moment I imagined my sweet baby, with big blue eyes and blonde hair like me going through what we both had to go through, and my heart sank in a way I hadn't felt before. I bit my lip trying to control the trembling, and Nicholas got up and came over to me. "Let me
take care of you," he asked me then as his hand caressed my face and his eyes plunged into mine with iron determination. I know what I told you, I know I told you that I wasn't going to be able to forgive you and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since I left: your reaction, your sadness... they've haunted me every day we've been apart, Noah . Things have changed, now my
way of seeing all this is not the same, I see everything in a different color. When I've seen our son on that screen, Noah... Damn, I've been the happiest man on Earth and not just because I'm going to have a beautiful baby, but because I'm going to have it with the woman who made my world upside down. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling a tear boycott my self-control. Nick rested
his forehead against mine and sighed, washing me over with his warm breath. -We've hurt each other a lot, freckles, don't think for a moment that I'm not aware of every hurtful word that has come out of my mouth. Do not hesitate to think that I wanted to see you suffer as I suffered after Michael, but I have never, Noah, never stopped thinking that you were the woman of my life.
I opened my eyes. "I've left Sophia, Noah. I felt my heart race at the thought of the two of them together, of the nights I spent crying in my bed after seeing them in magazines or on TV. The things that Nick had said about her, that she was a better woman for him, more mature, smarter, more everything... were still present in my memories and I knew that she would always be a
thorn in my heart. "You shouldn't have done it." I wasn't looking at him when I spoke, but his hand cupped my chin to force me to. He didn't understand my words and I kept talking almost hastily. Nicholas, you're not going to be able to forget that I cheated on you with someone else and I wouldn't be able to bear losing you again... I'm scared, I'm so scared that the last thing I can do
right now is try if we can or not work again. "Let me prove to you that whatI say is totally true, Noah. I shook my head and then he took my face in his hands and kissed me as he had wanted since we had parted. His lips came to rest on mine, first once and then twice, exerting enough pressure to make me sigh. His tongue entered my mouth and I melted at the taste of him, I melted
at the feel of him against my body, his arm lifted me up around the waist and my legs wrapped around his hips. He bit my lip, licked it afterwards, and then kissed me, waiting for an answer from me that never came back. His words had paralyzed me, it was a moment in which I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I saw it clearly, but I also saw that to get there I was going to
have to overcome all kinds of obstacles, obstacles that I was not sure if was going to be able to overcome. Nicholas then pulled away from my mouth and set me down. "These last few days you hadn't even touched me... I thought..." "I haven't touched you because if I started I wouldn't be able to stop," he explained, resting his forehead against mine. I wanted to give you space, I
didn't want to push you to do anything you didn't want... I was speechless. "I'm going to have a child with you, Noah," he said, looking into my eyes, "and he's going to be with you, no matter how long it takes me to show you that I'm not going anywhere." My God... was he serious? Were his words true? I loved that man with all my soul and I only wanted him to love me again as I
loved him. "Let's go slow, Nick," I said, and he sat up, smiling into my honey-colored eyes. "Better: let's start from scratch," he decided.

CHAPTER 43 NICK

I helped her pick up and together we packed. As Noah paced the room, I watched her covertly, entranced. I was aware that proving that my words and intentions were true was not going to be a matter of sewing and singing, especially after how I practically swore to him that we were not going to get back together. But all that didn't matter to me, deep down in my heart I had
always wished that something would happen, that something would happen and that the reason that forced me to return to her was justifiable enough so as not to feel that I was deceiving myself. My biggest fear had always been losing her, losing her completely. By cheating on me and separating us for over a year, I believed that she had done the right thing. I didn't forgive easily,
and Noah was right about that: my own cancer-stricken mother was still fighting for my forgiveness, and I was still fighting with myself to give it to her. "Sorry," one word... and boy was it important. Noah was the person to whom I had opened my heart almost completely, and now, after knowing what it was like to lose that, knowing that there was an excuse that I was going to join
that woman for life had given me all the security that I needed. from the beginning of our relationship he had lacked me. My words had been true before we said goodbye the last time, or at least I believed them to be true when I told them at the time. I truly believed that there was nothing Noah could do to change my mind and now I realized that there was something that could
completely invalidate that statement. I had always felt like the second option of many people. My father always preferred his business to me, even now, after knowing the whole story he knew that he loved his current wife more than he would ever love his first child; my mother, well, my mother had left me to run off with a man, she put her own vendetta against my father before
the love she had supposedly felt for me... and Noah... Noah was dealing with much bigger problems than mine and As much as he tried to make me believe that he loved me madly, it always made it easier for me to expect the worst, not fully believe it, and just pray that everything turned out well. I was very aware that our problems and insecurities had ended up leading us to the
point where we were now and after almost twenty-five years I finally found that something that I had needed to be able to relax and believe that love was possible and that it was. there was someone who was going to put me before anything. That child who was on the way was my hope for unconditional love and the person who gave it to me was nothing more and nothing less
than the one who wanted me to love him with all his heart. How could I not forgive her? How could I not leave the past behind when she had just given me what I had always needed, even if I didn't know it, since I saw her? I finally felt peace, peace in my soul and peace in my mind. It was as if the storm that had taken over my world suddenly dissipated, leaving in its place a radiant
sun that even blinded me. I guess that was what it felt like to truly forgive. An infinite calm... an unconditional love. In his apartment I carried his suitcase and watched nervously as he moved around, taking things out of boxes and insisting on starting to put them on the shelves. When I saw her climbing on a chair to get to a shelf I almost had a heart attack. I went there and took her
in her arms to lower her before her heart came out of her mouth. "Fuck, Noah!" I exclaimed, depositing her on the ground and ripping off what she had been trying to place up there. Today is the first day after weeks in bed, can you take it easy -I'm just nervous and I can't keep still, I'm sorry -she excused herself and separated from me as if my closeness burned her. I watched her
out of the corner of my eye as she crossed the room until she was as far away from me as possible. "Are you sure you don't want me to spend the night here?" I asked, hating having to leave her. Now it was going to be very difficult for me to separate from her, damn it, I wanted to take her to live with me, take care of her and give her what she needed. Before she could answer my
question, the apartment door opened and Lion and Jenna walked in, both with beaming smiles on their faces and holding a bunch of blue balloons. - he is a boy! I looked in surprise in Noah's direction and she shrugged, smiling a second later. Jenna rushed over to give her a hug and the balloons went flying until they hit the ceiling. Lion came over to me with a small, light blue bear
and held it out to me with a real jerk smile. "Dad, huh," he said, and I felt a lump in my throat at that word. God...he was going to be a father, I had better start getting used to the idea. -We have to celebrate this! Jenna proposed, clapping her hands together and pulling me into her arms a second later. If you don't choose me as godmother, I'll tell your son all your miseries. He
whispered in my ear, a circumstance that I took advantage of to pull his hair. Where do you want to go? We can go to dinner, or to a pub, or we can even get away for the weekend. This deserves a celebration in style! It only took one look for me to know that this was not what Noah wanted at that moment. The baby thing hadn't been something we'd expected, and as much as I was
happy to have it, I knew Noah wanted to feel like everything was business as usual. At last he could lead a normal life and the first thing he had said was that he wanted to go back to class, work and go out. Not a mention of the child. He didn't want to burden her too much with the subject, he knew her well enough to know that sooner or later she was going to end up getting used to
the idea, but he was afraid that before that she would collapse. He only hoped to be by her side when it happened. "We can go dancing," I suggested swallowing all my desire to put Noah to bed and force her to stay under the covers. Noah looked at me in surprise. As long as you take it easy. Would you like a frank smile appeared on his lips and I felt my heart stop beating for a
moment. "It would be fun, yes," she said, happy for the first time since we'd left the doctor's office. Jenna agreed to the proposition, and as Lion and I went outside to wait for Noah to change his clothes, I took out a cigarette and smoked for the first time since I'd found out he was having a child. "How are you doing?" Lion inquired, watching me surreptitiously. He also lit a cigarette. -
I try to get used to the idea that in about four months my life is going to change to never be the same again. "And what about Noah? Are you back together?" she asked tactfully. I stared at the apartment door. "I'm on it," I replied, and just then the girls appeared. Noah had swapped out her jeans for a T-shirt-like dress, sheer tights, and tall boots. He too had left his hair down and
made up his lips and eyes. I swear to God I have never seen her more beautiful in my life. My desire to get her home and take her to bed grew almost as much as my desire to make her have a great time that night. He came to me with doubt on his face. "Everything okay," I asked, containing the terrible desire to pull her towards me and kiss her until she was breathless. She nodded
without looking directly into her eyes. She was aware that being right together was going to take our time, but now more than ever I needed to claim her as mine. As I put the car in gear I noticed Noah fidgeting in the seat. "What's going on?" I asked, watching her out of the corner of my eye without taking my attention off the road. Noah shook his head silently, but I could clearly
see that something was bothering her. "Noah, you can tell me. "Just... What are we going to tell our parents? Is that what she's so worried about?" "Noah, don't worry about what people will say, okay? together and when you're ready we'll tell him about the baby. "My mother is going to have a heart attack," she said quietly, looking out the window. besides, we still don't know that
we're together... we have to see if she's going to turn out well. The best thing will be not to tell them anything, at least for now, it's hardly noticeable, right? unless you noticed: Noah was five months old. Our parents were going to have to find out, and people wouldn't be long in finding out either. I suddenly felt anxious about wanting to protect Noah from any kind of gossip that
would come out of that pregnancy. Facing the gallery, I was still dating Sophia Aiken, so when word got out about Noah there was going to be a scandal. He was going to have to prepare her to face him. "I don't think we can drag this out much longer, but we'll only say it when you're ready, okay?" Noah nodded and shortly after we arrived at the club. The atmosphere was deafening
and I asked them to open a booth for us. Jenna wouldn't stop talking about the baby, what we would call it, where we were going to live, what color we were going to paint her room... even I started to get overwhelmed. Noah was trying to play along with his friend but even Lion seemed to sense that he was already crossing the line. Lion and Jenna went dancing and Noah watched
the crowd from a distance. At one point, Jenna pulled her up onto the floor and they danced for a while. I watched every one of Noah's movements, holding my breath, but I knew something was wrong with him when he returned ten minutes later to sit next to me. He wasn't having a good time. "Do you want to go? Are you tired?" I asked with all the alarm bells ringing in my head.
Noah forced a smile and shook his head. We held out for another hour and finally I was the one who insisted on leaving. I knew something was wrong with her and as much as I tried to hide it with our friends, I thought I still knew her well enough to realize her state of mind. We said goodbye to Jenna and Lion, and went to get the car. We walked back to the apartment in silence.
Inside I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her towards me and held her in my arms. "Tell me what's bothering you." She tightened her arms around my back and rested her cheek against my chest. "I don't think it was a good idea to go out tonight," she commented without looking at me. That's not my place anymore, is it? Parties, staying up late, college... I'm going to stop being
myself to become... I pulled her so I could look into her eyes. "You're not going to become anything, Noah; Just because you're going to be a mother doesn't mean you're going to change. She shook her head with a frown. She seemed to be having an intractable head squabble. -No, that's not true. You heard Jenna, she kept talking about the baby... People are only going to see me as
that now, as a mother. I'm not going to be the same girl as before and it scares me because I haven't even discovered who I am. She didn't want him to go that way, didn't want her to think that she was going to have to give up anything. "I swear you're going to remain the same person I met three years ago, Noah...the same person who drove me crazy just by walking into my kitchen
and giving me a poisonous look, the same person who made me lose a Ferrari, The same person who played the game of twenty questions with me, the same person who wanted to be a writer, travel, open an animal shelter, learn to surf, the same person who swore to kiss me every day until we couldn't do it anymore, the same person who person who once told me I couldn't have
children... You're going to be all of that and more, Noah. She shook her head and stepped out of my arms. "I know it's horrible to think like that, I love this baby, I really do," she confessed with tears in her eyes, "but I didn't want him now, do you understand? I don't even know what I'm going to do tomorrow or what I'm going to do." .. Now I depend on you, Nick, and as much as you
insist on wanting to come back to me, I can't pretend the last few months never existed... "Noah..." I started to say, but he cut me off. This was not what I had planned for my life, this was not what I wanted. I know it sounds very traditional but I wanted to be married, have a house, financial security, a job, a life before deciding to start a family. I don't have any of that, everything is
uncertain, and I'm afraid to bring this baby into the world and not be able to give him the best. "She'll have the best, Noah, and so will you." I'm here, look at me, I'm not going anywhere. How could I make her understand that my goal in life was going to be to make her happy? touch the. She wanted him to calm down, she wanted him to see the bright side of things. "I had to go," I
replied, becoming serious. This year and a half that we've been apart has changed both of us, Noah, we couldn't go on at the point where it all ended, we weren't good for each other at that point. I didn't make you happy and you managed to hurt me more than anyone I've ever met. Noah seemed to stop breathing. -It is not my intention to throw anything in your face, I just want
you to see things from another perspective. Fate has decided that we get back together, that baby has returned you to me and I am happy for that. And you are going to be too, Noah, that will be my mission. "And if this time I'm the one who can't make you happy?" I shook my head and took her face in my hands. -That's impossible... I kissed her on the lips, I needed her more than
ever, I wanted to make love to her slowly, to start again where we left off, I needed to feel her skin against mine again, to hear the moans coming from between her lips. lips, hearing her say my name over and over... But I promised to go slow. "I should go," I commented separating my mouth from his. Noah's cheeks were flushed and he was so fucking adorable that it took all my
strength to pull away from her. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I was affected by what I saw in her eyes and kissed her again. When I pulled away from her I whispered in her ear. "If you want me to stay, all you have to do is ask." Noah took a step back. -I'm fine. I felt a stab of pain, but forced a smile. "Bye, freckles."

CHAPTER 44 NOAH

Despite the intense talk I'd had with Nick the night before and after so many mixed emotions, like finding out I was having a baby and that it was okay, I was able to sleep like I hadn't in months. I slept like a log, or like a baby, never better said, but my awakening was not as pleasant as those hours that I had remained almost unconscious. A cramp ran through my entire body and a
cold sweat dampened the nape of my neck and back. I opened my eyes for a second and, out of the blue, I felt horrible retching that made me run to the bathroom to vomit the little that I had taken to my stomach the night before. God. I knelt in front of the toilet for a long time, my forehead sticky and my legs shaky. When I had nothing else to put into my mouth, I felt strong
enough to jump into the shower and try to recover from what had just been my first morning sickness. Wasn't that supposed to happen early in pregnancy? Everything about my baby was turning out to be different than anything I had ever read or assumed. Every woman is different, yes it's okay, but, damn...she thought she had freed me of that. That day I was going to have to go to
class, I could no longer miss it, and I was also going to have to go back to work. The exams were over and now more than ever he needed the money. When I left LRB, Simon had offered me a job at his old company and I told him I would think about it. Now that he was able to do it again, he had called him and told me that he could start on Monday, that is, that same day. She was
terrified to admit that she was pregnant, but she was not going to be able to hide it anymore. I dressed in a flared skirt and a black sweater, since I didn't want to go through the bad taste of seeing how the jeans didn't fit me. I went out to the street with a ferocious hunger, the nausea had disappeared and the only thing I wanted to do was put everything that contained the word tea
in my stomach: pancakes, tofu, tea, cake, tiramisu, tacos, noodles... I was so concentrated in those thoughts I almost didn't see who was waiting for me leaning against a black Mercedes. "Good morning, freckles," she greeted me, leaving the car and coming to meet me. Before he could assimilate his presence, he had already given me a chaste kiss on the lips. Have breakfast with
me?" she asked a second later. I nodded almost out of inertia, and ten minutes later we were sitting in a fancy downtown cafeteria. "How are you feeling?" he asked as I ate a plate of pancakes with maple syrup and freshly squeezed orange juice. "After nearly taking out every last liver. Pretty good." Nick stared at me, puzzled. "Have you vomited? Why didn't you call me, Noah?" he
scolded me, between angry and worried. I rolled my eyes. "Believe me...you wouldn't have wanted to be there; Besides, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a lot of repeats from now on and I can't call you every time something normal like morning sickness happens, Nick. Just relax. He didn't seem very convinced by my explanation, but he gave me an amused look as he ate like a hungry
seal. "Are you going to work after class?" I nodded as I finished my plate and turned to pay her some attention. Damn, how handsome he was! How had I not realized until then? I suppose that a different type of hunger had climbed up my list of priorities until it reached the first place. Trading Nick for pancakes... gosh, I should be horrified! "There's nothing I can do to convince you to
come back to work for me, is there?" I put my fork down and gave him a serious look. "I swore to myself that I would never mix you with work again, Nicholas. He nodded, immersed in his thoughts, and I was surprised to see that he didn't get angry, but rather accepted what he told him. "Do you mind if I pick you up at the exit?" I hesitated for a few moments. "You don't have to
babysit me, Nick, I can take the car and stuff. He ignored my complaints. "I want to do it," he said seriously. He wasn't going to argue about it, so I asked him to pick me up at seven. When he dropped me off on campus he went to kiss me on the lips, but as if by reflex I turned my face and his lips lightly touched my cheek. I got out before he could tell me anything. I still had a hard
time pretending nothing had happened in the past, and I wanted to go slowly. If there was one thing I knew about Nicholas Leister's kisses, it was that they could be addictive... and I wasn't in for that kind of addiction. It was strange to go back to the routine. No one seemed to notice anything, and soon I was able to pretend everything was really the same. It was like living on a white
lie. I chatted with my classmates, I explained to the teachers that I had been sick and when I got to work I barely remembered that I was pregnant. The company was small and I realized that my role there was going to be almost identical to the one I played at LRB; besides, the people turned out to be lovely. I loved feeling like myself again, just Noah and not a Kinder egg in the
process of making the surprise. On the way out I found myself quite tired, a feeling that I had noticed now that I was no longer in bed all day; My energy seemed to have halved, so when I saw Nick waiting for me I was glad I didn't have to drive home myself. "How was your return?" he asked me, already in the car. "Very stimulating. Nobody has noticed anything. Okay, so I'd sounded
too happy about that fact, but I ignored Nick's frown. There was silence, and a few minutes later Nick broke it to tell me something that instantly put me on edge. "I'm going to leave New York, I'm going to sell the apartment and move here with you. "What?" I said looking at him incredulously. Nicholas had his life there, his job, his future, everything... "Isn't that right?" he asked me
completely lost as he reached out to cup my chin so he could look at me. I turned my face for him to release me. "You shouldn't make that decision so quickly. You think that everything is resolved, that we can get back together as if nothing had happened, but the reality is that last time we destroyed each other. What makes you think we're now ready to start over? "We're going to
have a child, Noah," he replied, mimicking my tone. "That's not a good enough reason for you to leave your life." You're forcing things, and that's not how I want to deal with us. Nicholas shook his head and cursed under his breath. "I'm willing to try again, I know it's going to work...I don't know what the hell you want from me, I thought you'd be glad, I'm doing everything I'm
supposed to do." "Exactly, you said it: you're doing everything you're supposed to do, not what you want to do." "I want to be with you," he replied angrily. I shook my head. We had already reached my apartment. Well, I don't think that's true, I think you do it because it's the right thing to do. I got out of the car, intending to go into my apartment, but Nicholas stopped me. "Why do
you have to complicate things? We're going to have a child, we finally have a reason to come back, and instead of accepting it you..." "I begged you to come back with me and you said no," I cut him off. I'm glad our baby is going to have us both and I'm sure you're going to be the best father in the world, but right now that's all you're going to be, Nicholas. -You know perfectly well
that I am not going to accept what you are saying. I looked into his eyes and knew that his words were true. But I did it for him, he was never fully happy with me, we hurt each other a lot. I didn't want to start a toxic relationship again just based on the fact that we were going to be parents.-I asked you for time, I told you that I want to go slowly, I want to focus on this baby... Ours
can wait, I don't want you to rush making decisions that you may regret for the rest of your life. "Fuck, Noah!" Why don't you believe me when I tell you that I want to get back with you -Because you haven't told me "I love you" yet! I yelled finally letting go. Silence fell between the two. Nick looked into my eyes, and I saw anger and pain in his. He hadn't forgiven me, not yet. And he
knew it. "The last time I told you I loved you, you broke my heart. I swore to myself never to say those words again, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you and that baby. I held back the tears as best I could and spoke again. "It doesn't work like that, Nick," I said. He goes back to work, he goes back to New York because the bubble we've been living in
these last few days has just burst. I didn't wait for him to reply. I went into my apartment and he didn't come after me. As much as it would have hurt to take Nick away from me, I knew it was the right thing to do. He had to clarify how he felt about me and I had to consider whether getting back together with him was the best thing for both of us. I didn't want to end badly, I really
didn't, I didn't want to create problems for him, but for Nicholas it was all or nothing, and right now I couldn't wipe the slate clean, I didn't feel safe, especially if he wasn't ready to love me. Attraction was one thing, sex was easy, we'd never had a problem with that, the hard part was that we didn't know how to love each other, we didn't know how to respect each other and we
couldn't start over if Nicholas was afraid of opening his heart to me again. Despite the argument that day, the next morning he was back in front of my apartment, waiting for me. He had two paper cups in his hand but he looked at me seriously when I went down the steps and approached him. "Hello," he greeted me briefly. "Hello," I replied, taking the glass he held out to me. Hot
chocolate... My son was going to be addicted to sugar. -I'm leaving in three hours, I've come to say goodbye. No matter how much I had told him to go away, his words hurt me like stab wounds. I looked down, trying to hide the sadness in my eyes, but he caught my chin and forced me to look at him. "I'm doing this for you," he said, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb. If I've
learned anything from all this time apart and what ended up destroying us, it's that I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do or anything you're not prepared for. I bit my lip hard. "So I'm going to go and I'm going to call you every day." We'll start talking, we'll make plans, you'll tell me about your concerns and I'll talk about mine, we'll talk about how we're going to raise
that baby, we'll think of names, we'll talk about the future because, Noah, I love you, I love you, and I'm going to love you all the time. life. My heart stopped for a few moments without believing what I was hearing. -If I hadn't told you before, it's because I believe that love shouldn't be expressed in words, I believed that everything I was willing to do would be enough and, in reality,
deep down in your heart you know that it is so, but You're scared to death of letting me in again. I understand. That's why I'm leaving. I'll be here for the doctor's check-ups and I'll be back whenever you need me. Let's take it easy for the next few months, but, Noah, I'm going to be a part of that baby's life. I'm going back to New York to put everything in order and the next step will
be to move to Los Angeles again. Did you understand me? I had run out of words. Nick took the paper cup out of my hand and placed it next to his on top of the car. Then he pulled me and wrapped me in his arms. I felt his lips on the crown of my head and the wild beating of his heart. "I'm going to ask you something before I go..." he announced to me. Two things actually," he
added calmly. I waited for it to be explained. He turned his back on me and went to get something from his briefcase. When he came towards me he had a card in his right hand, a card he handed me a second later: it was a black American Express. "I want you to use it," he said simply. I didn't even touch her. -No. Nicholas sighed in frustration. -It's an extension of mine, I want you to
use it to buy what you need. And I'm not suggesting that, Noah, I'm not going to budge on this. I crossed my arms, suddenly dizzy. "I told you I don't want you supporting me, Nicholas. Nick glared at me with his clear eyes. "Why the hell are you so stubborn? What if it was the other way around? If you were the one with more money than me and I had to take care of bringing our
baby into the world, wouldn't you give me everything, Noah?" I bit my lip. Yes of course. "Let's do something," he proposed, putting his forehead against mine. Since I know you're not going to use the card for yourself, at least use it on our baby, ok Anything you need to buy... please pay with the card. Well...I could do that, couldn't I? After all, Nick was his father, I wasn't going to
deprive my baby of the comforts of being born to a father who owns a black American Express at only twenty-five. I ended up grudgingly agreeing and he seemed much calmer. "What was the second thing you wanted to ask me for?" I asked. "I want Steve to stay with you while I'm not here." I opened my eyes like plates. -That! No! I don't need a babysitter ,Nicholas! I don't want
Steve trailing me all day. That's ridiculous! "Well, his job is just to watch your back, love." I looked at him with sparks in my eyes. "Why? Why the hell do you want to put a bodyguard on me?" Nick looked at me seriously. -Because, first: that's going to make me not go crazy being in New York. Second: you're pregnant and alone, which means that anything can happen to you and if it
did happen I couldn't ever forgive myself. I shook my head, but I knew nothing I said was going to change his mind. "Okay," I agreed, giving up. Nick looked at me with an emotion I couldn't quite place. "Leaving you here is the hardest thing I'm ever going to do, Noah. I didn't want him to go, but we needed to get this right, we couldn't mess with him again, not anymore, not with
what was at stake. He hugged me tight. He kissed the tip of my nose and then gently caressed my belly. "Take care of this baby. I nodded and stepped away for her to get in the car. I panicked when I saw that he really was leaving, but in the bottom of my heart I knew that it was what we had to do. That week everything seemed to return to normal. I went back to college and
continued to keep my pregnancy hidden; yes, not a single day was missing in which Nick did not send me a bouquet of flowers and a tray with the full breakfast. I even made friends with the delivery man. On the tray came food for a regiment: coffee, tea, muffins, croissants, pancakes, chocolate, eggs, toast... and everything always arrived warm and ready to eat. "You're crazy, you
know that," I said on the seventh day of his departure. We talked every day, about twice a day, even more. Whenever he had a gap he would call me and whenever I had a break he would try it with him. I understood that it was easier to wait for him to call, because let's be honest, he had a more difficult time getting away than me. While he held the phone between my shoulder and
my ear, he refilled one of the few empty glass vases I still had left so I could put the giant bouquet of blue roses he had sent me. "It's a good way to make sure you're fed," he justified himself as he listened as he typed on the other end of the line. I rolled my eyes... the food thing hadn't been a problem. I was hungry all the time, and it wasn't normal hunger, no, I was craving things
like banana with bread and butter or peanut butter with spaghetti. I swear, he was losing his mind or his sense of taste... I don't know, but those things seemed like delicacies to me. "How was the mix of oranges with chili," he asked me in an amused tone. "Pretty interesting, I'll make it for you some day," I answered, sitting on the chair and placing my legs on the table. I sighed tiredly
and caressed my tummy absently. He told me that he was leaving everything tied up so he could move to Los Angeles as soon as possible and that it was taking longer than he had originally thought. He was going to have to hire someone to replace him and he didn't trust anyone to take his place. I told him how the classes were going; Soon it would be summer vacation and now we
were all focused on work and starting to prepare for final exams, although there were still a couple of months left. I was due in August, so I was going to have extra weeks to take care of Mini Yo before considering what to do with work and university. It made me a little sad to think about leaving the race, but after thinking about it I realized that it was the right thing to do. "You don't
have to leave her, Noah," Nick told me when I brought up my decision. It's ridiculous, many women who study have children, there are nurseries and I'll be there to help you... -I don't want my son to be raised by a nanny, I don't want to do things wrong, I'm afraid that if I continue studying and taking care of the baby, in the end I won't do either of the two things well; besides, you
hardly have time to call me on the phone, you will not be able to stay at home taking care of a baby. "My baby," she corrected, and a smile tugged at my lips. You forget a little detail: I'm the boss, I can do whatever I want. "Yes," I asked ironically. Tell me then, can you be here for the next visit to the gynecologist? There was silence on the other end of the line. -I'm not judging you, I
understand, you're going to have to work and I'm going to have to take care of him... We'll see how I do it to continue with my degree, I could study at a distance... It's not something that excited me, I I liked college, I liked going out with my friends and going to classes, but I couldn't have it all and I couldn't see myself leaving my baby with anyone other than me. "Noah, mine is
temporary," he said, interrupting my musings. Now everything is topsy-turvy but as soon as I fix everything here, I'll be all yours. We hadn't talked about ourselves, although in the conversations we had we always included each other in each other's plans. I liked that, but at the same time I was terrified of ruining what we were building. That's why I didn't insist when he told me that
he wasn't going to be able to come back at the moment. What I did not expect was to see it ahead of time and on the four o'clock news. When I heard his name on TV I turned up the volume and listened worriedly. "Former Leister Enterprises employees stand in front of the new LRB building demanding their jobs back." The person breaking the news was a reporter I had seen a few
times on the BBC. The images showed the entrance to the building where he used to work full of people with banners. The police had cordoned off the area, and yet the former employees had no intention of leaving. «A little over a year ago, the eldest son of the prestigious lawyer William Leister inherited the empire that Andrew James Leister had built with years and years of effort,
turning Leister Enterprises into one of the most prosperous and recognized companies in the country. There were not a few who considered it madness to hand over such responsibility to a young man who has barely reached enough age to know what a company is.» I turned up the volume and glared at the TV screen. "Leister's first action was to close two large companies,
companies that his grandfather built practically from nothing, and lay off more than five hundred employees, leaving them unemployed with the ambitious plan to open a new company that remains to be seen if it will be profitable. or it will become the first failure in the history of the Leister family. Today those people who were unfairly fired have posted themselves at the doors of
LRB to demand their jobs back..." That was ridiculous. She knew that Nicholas would be working at that hour, but she needed to talk to him. She answered on the third ring. "Are you okay," he said by way of greeting, concerned. -Yes, I'm perfectly fine, but you don't seem to. You're on the news... What happened? When were you going to tell me about this, Nicholas? I couldn't
believe he was having problems and hadn't told me. "It's not something you have to worry about. I let out a bitter laugh. -That I don't have to worry, they're disemboweling you! "That's what the press does, take a bunch of lies and turn them into news." "But... what about the employees and what they say about LRB..." He felt a bitter sensation in his chest. I didn't want to hear those
horrible things from Nick, they hurt me more than if they were saying them to me. Nick sighed on the other end of the line. -I had to fire those people because in a period of four years from now those two companies would have gone bankrupt. They were not well managed, they hardly generated profits. If I closed them now, with the money from their settlement I could start a new
business and rehire the people I fired, but that takes time. -You don’t have to explain to me. I know you didn't do it for fun. "This business involves making tough decisions, decisions that suck. "You're doing great, Nicholas, these people have no idea. She was silent for a few moments. -Leister Enterprises has never been as profitable as now, my intention is to open another LRB
branch within a year. That would mean rehiring nearly seventy percent of the former employees. He knew Nicholas would never fire that many without having an ace up his sleeve. He hated to think that these people criticized him when he had a plan in place to make things better. "And what are you going to do now?" I asked, fearing that this would prolong his stay there much
longer than he had anticipated. "Let my lawyers continue to do their jobs." I told you, don't worry about this. "Okay..." The talks dragged on for another three weeks and things started to get complicated. First of all the calls had started to escalate as we realized that being apart and talking every day was getting harder than not having spoken to each other in almost a year. I
understood that he needed it with me and that as the baby grew bigger I wanted to beg him to come back. "I need to touch you, Noah," he confessed to me one night. It's been so long that I no longer remember what it's like to be inside you. "Nicholas..." "I shouldn't have left, I should have been selfish, selfish who would have made love to you every bloody morning in that
miniature apartment you're so proud of. I smiled at his outburst and felt the heat caused by his words run through me from head to toe. "I hope no one is hearing you say that," I commented nervously. -I'm in my apartment, in my room, in the same bed where you undressed to drive me completely crazy, do you remember? I squeezed my eyes shut, yes, of course I remembered,
Nicholas between my legs, kissing me, licking me, making me his a very dirty and very unhealthy form. We had been emotionally devastated back then but I wouldn't trade this moment for anything... "Come back, Nick," I said then causing silence on the other end of the line. "What?" I smiled up at the ceiling, nervously with the phone pressed to my ear. -Come back with me. "Are
you serious?" "I really want to try, I want you with me every day, I want to kiss you and hold me, Nicholas, I want you to come back and Mini Me wants it too." She laughed on the other end of the line. "I'll catch a flight as soon as I can and I'll do whatever is going through that little head of yours." I covered my face with one hand as I tried to hide my joy and embarrassment. Yes,
things were going through my head, yes. -And speaking of Mini Me... I've thought of a name. "What? Really?" That totally caught me by surprise. Had you thought of a name yet? Mini Me, I mean mini-Nick, I was already going to have a first and last name? I unconsciously touched my belly. -Yes, I'll tell you as soon as I see you, although if you don't like it we'll think of another one
together. I'm sure you already have several in your head... I blushed realizing that I hadn't thought about it once. At the end we said goodbye with a "I love you" and with the promise to see each other again. The reunion would be special, because we were finally going to be on the same wavelength... I was dying to kiss him, to accept all that he wanted to do with me, all the things he
wanted to give me, that future that looked so good before my eyes. I was finally ready to start from scratch.

CHAPTER 45 NICK

I was having a lot of problems in the company. We had received complaints about the layoffs, demonstrations had also started to take place at the New York headquarters, and the last thing I could do now was say I was leaving. I hadn't wanted to tell Noah what was happening because I didn't want him to worry, but I was afraid my return to LA would be put off longer than either of
us wanted. Being away from her right now was costing me more than anything. It drove Steve crazy, calling several times to ask if Noah had eaten, how he had seen her in the morning, what he looked like to her... he was obsessed with something happening to her. I was terrified of the press finding out she was pregnant and waking up every damn night with a recurring nightmare of
Noah losing the baby and dying in childbirth. I needed to see her, touch her, feel my son, and make sure everything was okay. I knew Noah was going to ask me back soon, I knew I just needed to give him time and now that he had asked me to come back he had meetings he couldn't cancel every damn day. Noah was already six months old, he hadn't sent me photos but Steve had
told me that he was already showing. He had told me that he had noticed her nervous and knew that he feared the reaction of the people and that of our parents. World War III was going to break out when we told him, but I couldn't care less. I was finally happy after a long time. I wanted that girl more than anything in the world and I would love that baby with all my heart.

CHAPTER 46 NOAH

She needed Nick back, the baby was getting bigger and it showed. She didn't insist because she knew that if he wasn't here already, it was because he really couldn't travel. I had no doubt that Nick wanted to be here with me even more than I did, and it made me very nervous. My mother had already called me twice asking me to come visit her or even told me that she would come
by to pick me up and go to lunch. I told her that she was in the middle of her exams, that I would go see her as soon as she could, but she knew me well enough to find me weird on the phone. "There's something you're hiding from me, Noah, but it's okay, we'll talk when we see each other," she told me the following Wednesday. Steve was the only one besides Lion and Jenna who
knew what was going on. I didn't tell him, but it only took seeing how he treated me to see that he was aware of everything. I suppose he knew about all the calico: Nick must have informed him. Three and a half weeks after Nick left I had a big problem when I opened my closet and saw that almost nothing was right for me anymore. There was no hiding it anymore, I was in such a
panic that I called Nicholas not caring if he was in a meeting or busy. He picked it up on the first ring. "You have to go back, Nicholas," I asked, trying to hold back the tears. I can't hide it anymore... I'm fat! My clothes don't fit, people have already started to look at me weird... You have to go back! We have to think about how we are going to tell our parents! He was having a full-
blown anxiety attack, one of those insane attacks that hit me from time to time. "Excuse me a minute," he said to someone who wasn't me. Calm down, you freckles," he added a second later. "I can't calm down!" I screamed horrified. The room was a mess, clo
said many things to each other, including many that I didn't even dare say out loud and I was dying to feel part of him again, part of his life. As I had not checked in luggage, when we got off the plane we were able to go directly to the exit gate. Steve was carrying my little suitcase. It's not like he couldn't handle her or anything, but he got so annoying that I finally gave in and let him
help me. My steps were getting bigger and bigger... I wanted to see him, I wanted to get there at once, to feel whole again. Getting to the exit seemed eternal. When we finally walked through the door, I saw him: there he was, with a bouquet of red roses in his hands, waiting for me. He was dressed in jeans and a navy blue V-neck sweater. He stood out from the crowd, in addition
to the flowers, because of his unruly hair and his light blue eyes, which shone like two lanterns at sunset on a beautiful summer day. We smile at each other as if liquid happiness had just been injected into our veins. My heart swelled so much that I thought it would not fit in my chest. And then... as if it were a horror movie: it happened. I don't know if you have ever experienced
something traumatic, an event that marks you forever. Something that happens completely in slow motion before your eyes and where your brain registers each and every one of the details that you would pay to be able to forget. I saw it all... and I still remember every damn detail of those fifteen seconds where I thought I was dying. I remember the scream getting stuck in my
throat. I also remember that my legs became paralyzed and that I couldn't do anything to start running. The roar of the first shot burst the bubble of happiness in which we were. It left me rooted to the spot; Nick, on the other hand, collapsed: he had received the bullet impact in the back, treacherously. I can still see the shocked look on Nick's face as he looked down and watched
the bloodstain spread onto his clothes and the ground under his feet. The second shot came just as fast as the first. I saw the pain on his face, and my heart stopped... literally stopped. And then everything happened very fast. Someone hit me from behind and I fell to the ground and came to. Everything had been quiet so far, the hubbub of the airport, of the people walking around
me had faded to let me hear only the noise of the gun being fired. "Don't move, Noah!" Steve yelled into my ear, waking me from my lethargy, my damned state of shock. I saw, this time at normal speed, how four policemen knocked this man down and how people ran from here to there, completely horrified. My eyes could only focus on the person who was just like me, against the
ground, his eyes open, life slipping through his fingers. "Nicholas!

CHAPTER 47 NICK

I guess what they say about when you're about to die your whole life flashes before your eyes like a slide show is true... though not technically. I only saw one thing: Noah. That Noah was my life was not something I had to consider, it was, as simple as that. The images that passed before my eyes were not the best moments of my life, but those of our life, and not the life we had
shared until then, no. I did not see those moments full of ups and downs, nor the breakup, nor the cheating, nor the fights..., but quite the opposite: I saw my life with her. I saw us together walking on the beach, I saw us celebrating our son's birthday, I saw her, beautiful and radiant, waiting for me every night in bed to shower me with kisses and attention. I saw her getting pregnant
again, and on this occasion being more prepared than ever, without surprises, without fear or insecurities. I saw her with me in the kitchen, arguing and then kissing us right there on the counter. I saw her crying, laughing, suffering and growing. I saw her life before my eyes, her life with me... and she enchanted me. And then I asked myself: «Why am I seeing this? Why do I feel that
they are letting me see what I will never get to have». I felt a hole in my chest, an emptiness go all over me... No. No way. It wasn't my time yet.

CHAPTER 48 NOAH

I don't know how to explain the minutes that preceded the shooting, but I can confidently state that they were the worst of my life. I keep them blurred in my mind, but at the same time as clear as if I were seeing them on the screen of a state-of-the-art TV. The ambulance, I was later told, arrived at the airport in no time. It seemed to me like hours, endless hours as my hands
pressed against the wound on Nick's ribs. Steve, for his part, was also pressing the bullet hole that had hit him in his left arm, destroying it. There was a pool of blood around him and I could only wonder how fast our bodies create blood, and if that speed would be enough to make up for the losses Nick was suffering. I didn't pass out. I believe that God helped me to stay whole, at
least until the health personnel could take care of the situation. When the ambulance arrived I stood, watching, my hands separated from my body and my mind totally blank. I wasn't even able to ask to be allowed to accompany him. Nick left alone, near death, and I stood there watching him go. I remember when I stopped hearing the noise of the ambulance I looked down at my
bloodstained hands, and then I faltered. The sobs nearly took my breath away and I began to hiccup uncontrollably. Hands grabbed me before my knees buckled and I crumpled. "Take a deep breath, Noah, please," Steve said, carrying me out of there, away from the horrified people who were watching the scene as if I were part of some horrible CSI episode. He put me in a taxi and
we left in the direction of the hospital. As the minutes passed, the worse I felt. "Why did he go alone? Why didn't you go with him? Why didn't we both go?" the light. The drive from the airport to the nearest emergency hospital was thirteen minutes, twenty-five if there was traffic. We took twenty counted. When we arrived I went to get out of the car, I wanted to run away and be
told that Nicholas was okay, I just wanted to see him, I needed to see him, the image I had of him in my head was killing me, but I guess it was all too much. It was putting a foot on the ground and everything began to spin, I began to see black spots everywhere. Steve led me to an area where they sat me down and brought me water. A doctor came up to me and began to take my
pulse. "Miss Morgan, I need you to calm down," she said, glancing at her watch. Ross, call 911 and ask about that boy. I looked at this Ross guy like my life depended on it. While he was talking to someone asking about Nick, a horrible pain forced me to grip my stomach tightly. "What's going on?" The doctor turned to me, worried. "She's having contractions," he replied. He has to
calm down, they are due to stress. Before I could say anything, this Ross guy walked up to us. "Nicholas Leister is in surgery for two gunshot wounds. He is stable within gravity, they are going to operate on his lung and left arm. -Holy God! I exclaimed covering my mouth with my hand. What are they going to do to him? What do you mean he's stable within gravity? Call again and
have them explain what's going on! The doctor looked at my chart again. "Is she married to Mr. Leister?" Only a direct relative can... -He is the father of my child! I yelled desperately. It didn't help, they didn't tell me anything else. Steve called William and my mom, and the two of them went straight to the airport to wait for the first plane they could catch. I had to stay there, without
news. I could only do one thing: pray. An hour later, the longest hour of my life, the contractions stopped and everything seemed to be back to normal regarding the baby. My mother called me on the phone, they were hysterical. William had managed to talk to one of his doctors. I learned from him that Nick had a traumatic pneumothorax and a tear in his left arm. He was in serious
condition and they feared that he would go into shock from all the blood he had lost until the ambulance arrived. I got the information, hung up, and just sat there, not moving. Nick couldn't die... he couldn't do it. We had to start a life together, we had to finish what we had started. After everything we'd been through they couldn't take it from me. It didn't take long for what
happened to be on the news. Steve went to turn off the TV but I told him not to. The one who tried to kill him was called Dawson J. Lincoln, he was forty-five years old and a former Leister Enterprises worker, he had been fired, he couldn't get another job and that led him to try to kill Nick. «Nicholas Leister is undergoing emergency surgery for two gunshot wounds, while his assailant
is questioned at the New York police station. Everything indicates that it was a premeditated act, since the attacker seemed to know where and at what exact time Leister would be at the time of attempting his life. »In recent months, the young lawyer, heir to one of the most recognized corporations in the country, had been severely beaten by the press and his former employees
due to the hundreds of layoffs he had to carry out in the last year. Even though the two companies he closed were on the verge of bankruptcy..." I stopped listening as soon as the subject turned away from the attacker. That rubbish about Nicholas again. I didn't want to hear any of that. They had tried to kill him! Nick! I ran my hands over my face, I needed to know that I was okay, I
needed to talk to the doctor. I didn't move from the waiting room for the next three hours, just got up to go to the bathroom and get a drink of water. That place was horrible, there were people crying, waiting to hear from their loved ones just like us. The hospital smell had always made me sick and now more than ever. The only thing that happened differently during those three
hours was the appearance of two men in suits, tall and strong like Steve, who talked to him for a few minutes before crossing the room, serious, and standing by the doors of the conference room. wait. I didn't pay much attention to them, but I did almost jump to my feet as two surgeons walked through those same doors and approached me. "Are you related to Nicholas Leister?"
"I'm his girlfriend," I answered, controlling the tremor in my voice. The surgeon who had short curly hair was the one who decided to speak. -I can only tell you that he is stable, but that the next few hours will be crucial. He has lost a lot of blood and we have had to repair a lot of internal damage caused by the bullet that pierced his lung. I nodded biting my lip hard, trying to stay
whole. "Is she going to be okay?" I asked with a shaky voice. -He's young and strong, we'll keep an eye on him at all times. That was not an answer to my question. "May I see him," I said, pleading with my eyes. They both shook their heads, although they looked at me sadly. "Immediate family only, sorry." Steve then put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. "He's
going to be fine, Noah," he whispered in my ear as I clung to his shirt tightly unable to help but cry silently. The phone began to ring, I wiped my tears and answered. It was my mother, they had booked a flight, a friend of William's had lent them a private plane, and they would be in New York in five hours. I felt a huge relief in my chest to know that I was going to have my family
there with me, that William would be able to find out more about Nick's condition... but then I realized that if they came here, if they saw me... It was time to bring everything to light... and as I feared, I was going to have to do it alone. Since I didn't want to move from there all night, Steve made sure that they brought me my suitcase and something for dinner. I wasn't hungry, but I
ate noodle soup just so I wouldn't have to listen to him nudge me one more time. With my things at my disposal, I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. Once again back to the wide and big clothes, clothes that hide my belly at least so that my mother does not have a heart attack as soon as she sees me. She was going to tell him, it was obvious she was going to, but she
had to find the right moment. She didn't want to divert attention from what really mattered at the moment: Nick. So six hours later, six hours when I could barely sleep a sleep and my back and neck and belly ached as if I'd been beaten, my mother and William walked through the waiting room doors. I couldn't help it, I ran into my mother's arms, she needed her as much or more
than at any time in my life. She held me tight and stroked her hair with her long fingers. My fledgling belly was between us, but she didn't seem to notice. The fright that she must have had in her body, like everyone else, did not let her see beyond what was essential. I explained what had happened, and Will went straight to talk to the doctors. They did not let him in, but they told
him that in the morning there was going to be a visiting shift. There had been no change in his condition, neither for better nor for worse; For now he was stable and, according to the doctors, that was a good sign. We didn't have much time to talk, two policemen showed up shortly after they arrived and took a statement from me and Steve. I told them everything I saw with
goosebumps and fear in my body. I was never going to forget the roar of those two shots. Never. When visiting hours came, only William was able to come in. I wanted to break the doors and run towards the ICU, I wanted to scream because they wouldn't let me through, but I kept all that to myself. Now I had to remain calm, calm if I wanted to get over what I was going through,
calm if I didn't want to harm the baby... the baby... I looked at my mother, worried, sitting next to me, her fingers intertwined with mine. My mother... we hadn't had a good run, everything had gone too wrong between the two of us. Where was that relationship we had in Canada? When had I stopped trusting her, telling her things about her? I took a deep breath and turned in her
direction.-Mom... -I said swallowing saliva-, there's something I have to tell you... My mother gave me all her attention, she looked at me worried but I thought I saw some indulgence in her expression. "I know what you're going to tell me, Noah," she said, squeezing my fingers tightly. "And I'm fine, daughter, fine that you're back with Nicholas; What's more, it makes me happy to
know that you are together again. I opened my eyes surprised by her words and also relieved to see that she had no idea about the pregnancy. "I never should have turned against your relationship... Seeing you apart, seeing how broken you've been this past year..." she continued as she locked her eyes on mine, "it's killed me inside." If Nick is the person who knows how to make
you happy, I'm not going to pry. That's all I want, Noah, to see you happy. I nodded silently with wet eyes and trying to formulate the words to confess to my mother that she was six months pregnant. Pregnant with that boy that she had never wanted for me until now, with that boy who was her stepson. How did you tell him? How do you tell your mother that in three months she's
going to be a grandmother? I felt Steve's gaze fixed on me, and when I looked at him he signaled for me to be brave and tell him. Damn... "Mom..." I started taking advantage of the fact that Will had gone out for a coffee. There's something I have to tell you... something that wasn't in anyone's plans, but it just happened... Well... no more either, but I wasn't going to go into details.
My mother looked at me worried, not understanding anything. Since she did not dare to open my mouth, I took her hand and placed it on my belly. Her eyes widened instantly and she jerked her hand away a second later, startled. "Noah... tell me you're not... tell me you're not here... It was time to tell the truth." "Pregnant," I finished the sentence for her almost in a whisper. My
mom shook her head at first, then her gaze moved down my body until she zeroed in on my belly, well, or the belly under that giant sweatshirt of Nick's. "How much..." I swallowed, trying to clear my throat. "Six months, but I found out two and a half months ago... I didn't want to keep it from you, Mom, but I was stunned, just like you, it took time to absorb it, time to tell Nick, time
to figure out what he was going to do." to do with my life... "Does Nicholas know?" The tone she was speaking in was new, a new tone newly created in her register, I suppose it's the tone all mothers use when their daughters drop that bombshell on them. nothing. "Yes, yes, he knows." My mother shook her head and fixed her eyes on my stomach. As much as she scared me to
confess that to her, she already felt prepared to face her reaction. Now that Nicholas was fighting to live, the baby he carried inside of him was the only thing keeping me together. It was the only thing I had of him, it was a part of him, a part of us, at that moment and until it was my turn to cease to exist, that baby would be the most important thing for both of us, our anchor in the
storm, our infinite connection. I took my mother's hand and brought it to my tummy. Tears came to my mother's eyes, but I knew her well enough to know all the things that were going through her head: how young she was... how difficult everything would be... how many times she He talked about waiting to have children, about studying, preparing, training, growing up... But life is
that unpredictable. You don't control what's to come, you don't control who you'll bump into around the corner. One does not know which path is the correct one even having traveled it. Fate had brought me to that position and I could only face it to the best of my ability... and my mother was going to have to do the same. "It's a boy," I announced a moment later. The image of the
baby in my arms flashed through my head, my baby, with her chubby cheeks and her beautiful eyes... my baby, whose father I might never get to know. My mother shook her head, in disbelief. "If Nick doesn't get out of this, I don't know what I'm going to do," I confessed scared to death. My mother hugged me tightly, we both cried, I don't know for how long, I only know that we
said nice things to each other. She also scolded me for being so irresponsible and for not telling her sooner. We talked for as long as we sat there, talked until we could tell William everything. Will also nearly fell to the ground in fright. He had never seen him so devastated, so worried, so tremendously broken. Each one loves his children in a different way and for Will, Nick would
always be that dark-haired boy with blue eyes who put frogs in his pants pockets. Nick had to get well...not just for me and our baby, but for everyone. No one would get over losing him. Nobody.

CHAPTER 49 NOAH

Thank God, two days later Nick began to respond to treatment and was released from the ICU. Not being in intensive care anymore, the hospital people were more lenient about visitors and finally, after four days without being able to see him, they let me through. He was sedated and his torso was completely bandaged. His left arm was in a sling to keep it from moving. A dark
shadow of hair trailed across his unshaven face, giving him a scruffy look that he had never seen before. They had let me in alone and I was grateful because seeing him lying there, so weak and fragile, broke my heart. I felt a deep hatred for that man who had hurt her. I moved closer to him and ran my hand through his black hair, brushing it away in a gesture that yearned for an
answer, an answer that didn't come. I didn't cry, I don't know why, I just kept looking at him, memorizing his features, wanting to hug him tightly and knowing that I couldn't do it because it would hurt him. My hug was going to hurt him...it was ironic how things had ended. I sat in a chair next to him and took his hand. "Nick..." I said with a lump in my throat, "I need you to get well...
I had to tell you a lot of things and now..." I bit my lip hard and watched to see if there was any kind of reaction, some kind of miracle as sometimes happened in the movies. His eyes remained closed and I kept talking so as not to go crazy before the sepulchral silence interrupted only by the beeps of the machines. -Our parents already know about Mini Yo... My mother almost had a
heart attack, but I suppose the fact that you're lying here has made her think about killing me for getting pregnant... I told her reaction When my father found out, I talked to him about how the phones kept ringing asking how he was doing, I informed him about his assailant and also reassured him that Steve had posted two security guards at the hospital so that what had happened
wouldn't happen again never. I told him about me, that he would be surprised when he opened his eyes and saw me, I told him that our baby kept kicking like he was in a football game... No matter how many things I told him, Nick kept his eyes closed and meanwhile I gradually faded away, faded away until I became a shadow of what I was, someone unrecognizable. "Noah, you
need to rest, daughter," my mother warned me as she ran her hand through my hair. She had laid me down on one of the sofas in Nick's room and had her head in his lap. We've all left the hospital to sleep and shower, you have to sleep in a bed darling, it's not good for you or the baby. "I don't want to leave him alone," I said, my eyes fixed on Nick. Please wake up, I need to see
your blue eyes, I need to hear your voice again. The doctors feared that the loss of blood and lack of oxygen that he had suffered after the shot could have caused neurological sequelae that prevented him from waking up. They said that now it was up to him and that we could only wait and keep an eye on him. "He won't be alone, Noah: Will and I won't part ways with him. Lion said
he'll be here in half an hour, and Jenna offered to drive you back to the apartment to accompany you. Please, go and rest for a couple of hours... Lion and Jenna had arrived a day after the accident and hadn't left us. My mother was right, she was exhausted, she had barely slept for four days, I was afraid to close my eyes, wake up and see that Nick was gone. "What if he wakes up
and I'm not here..." "Noah, if he opens his eyes, you'll be the first one I call." Please, if Nick could talk right now he would be furious to see how little you are taking care of yourself... Finally and reluctantly I ended up accepting. I kissed Nick goodbye on the cheek and left the room looking for Jenna. Steve took us to the huge apartment. The last time he'd been there had been after
Jenna's wedding. When I entered I couldn't help but remember what we had done, the things we had said to each other... those impressive walls were not good memories and, suddenly, I wanted to go back to when we couldn't take our hands off each other, to that moment that Nick gave me everything I needed and more. I didn't want to be there, let alone without him. "Have a
shower while I fix some dinner," Jenna told me with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Nick was like an older brother to her. She had seen her cry hugging Lion when they arrived at the hospital and she knew that they too were having a terrible time. I nodded and went to the room. In the bathroom I slowly began to remove my clothes. My eyes fixed on the mirror in front of
me. There was no longer any doubt that she was pregnant. I got in the shower, brushed my hair and also my teeth. When I got out I changed into my black leggings and grabbed a sweatshirt of Nick's from his closet. I smelled of him and that calmed me down a bit, gave me hope. We ate dinner in silence, sitting on the sofa, with the TV on in the background. I was barely hungry, but I
forced myself to eat everything on my plate. After that I went into Nick's room hugging his pillow and his fragrance and closed my eyes trying to rest. Hours later Jenna came to wake me up with a smile on her face. "He's awake, Noah!" I almost fell out of bed from how fast I got up. "My God, my God! Nick is awake!

CHAPTER 50 NICK

I opened my eyes without even realizing it. I had been plunged into a deep darkness, a darkness in which muffled sounds and disconnected phrases reached me that I was dying to order and understand, and suddenly I was seeing the hospital room with total clarity. The beeps of the machines that surrounded me had become the soundtrack of the last few days, the noises of the
machines and the sweet voice of a girl whose words had lulled me to sleep like a lullaby. I opened my eyes looking for that voice, needing that voice, but what I found was someone totally different. "Oh my God Nick! Sophia yelled from beside me, and I couldn't help but wince. I felt like my head was going to explode. I'll call a doctor," she said and ran out of the room. I blinked
several times trying to get used to the evening light coming through the window. The room I was in was small, with barely enough room for a tiny sofa, the bed, and a television. I tried to get up, but I felt a stab of pain in my arm that made me rethink any movement. A second later Sophia returned with the doctor. I let him examine me, let them tell me about my condition, and while
I tried to pay attention to what they were saying, I could only ask one question, a question that suddenly made me tense, restless, nervous... "Where's Noah?" the feint of getting out of bed and instantly regretting it. Unbearable pain ran through my ribs, it was as if they were burning me alive inside. Fuck. Sophia gently pushed me back against the pillows. What was Sophia doing
there? "Noah is in your apartment, resting, I think. I took a deep breath trying to calm my anxiety. I looked down at my bandaged ribs and then realized how my entire arm was bandaged and pinned against my chest, preventing me from making any kind of movement. "Son of a bitch," I blurted out, thinking of whoever had shot me. Where's Steve? Fuck, I need to get up, I need to...
"You can't, Nicholas," Sophia said, and this time looking closer at her, I saw that her eyes were swollen and red. She wore her hair in a high bun and was dressed in jeans and a simple white T-shirt. You have to rest; please stay still. I leaned back trying to stay calm. If Noah was resting it meant he was fine, wasn't Steve sure he was with her... My eyes went back to the girl who was
watching me with a mixture of relief, joy and longing. I remembered the moment when I told him that ours was over. Of all the girls she'd been with Sophia had been the only one I really didn't mean to hurt. In her way, she had helped me this last year, and although we had shared much more than a friendship, I always knew that we both could not be anything more than that:
friends. Nothing and no one could cause me what Noah managed to do to my body and heart with a simple look, and Sophia always knew that. "What are you doing here, Soph?" I asked, looking into her eyes. She shrugged and wiped away a tear that was slipping down her left cheek. "I needed to see you and know that you were okay... when I found out on the news what had
happened to you..." she replied, coming closer until she could carefully take my hand. Do you know when you realize that the relationship you had with a boy hasn't even been a relationship? I kept quiet watching her. -When absolutely no one in his family picks up the phone to inform you that he has had an accident. "Sophia, you and I..." "I know, we broke up a month ago, Nicholas,
I haven't forgotten, but I just thought... I needed to put Sophia right, I really did, but I could see hope in her eyes, and I had to undeceive her. Sophia kept hoping that what happened with Noah would affect me again enough to leave her again, but that was over, we were no longer there, we had moved on, we had matured... "Sophia, Noah is expecting my child," I informed her. as
tactfully as possible. I felt how the hand that held mine froze and he released it an instant later. I suppose it took her a few seconds to assimilate it, seconds in which any hint of hope ended up disappearing. "Is that why you've come back to her?" "I've come back to her because I love her," I answered calmly. He not only loved her, he loved her more than anything or anyone, but I
didn't tell her so as not to hurt her. Sophia nodded, I noticed her lost as if what she had just said to her was the last thing she had expected to hear come out of my mouth. -Do you know? For a moment I thought... that you had opened your eyes because you had heard my voice, for a moment I thought I saw... I had opened my eyes precisely because the voice that I needed to hear
was no longer there. I opened them desperate to find her, Noah. "I never meant to hurt you, Sophia. This last year with you... you have been the little light that illuminated my nights. Sophia nodded, took a breath, and when she looked at me again I knew the message was clear. Sophia was not a girl to whom things had to be explained, she was a full-fledged woman, the only woman
I could have fallen in love with if it hadn't been for the fact that Noah came into my life, destroying everything in his path. . I didn't tense when he leaned down to place a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips. -I'm glad to know you are fine. I nodded and watched as she took her things and she left the room. Another window was closing to let me open the front door to the life she
wanted to start with Noah.

CHAPTER 51 NOAH

The hospital gates were full of journalists and Steve flatly refused to let me get out of the car and expose me to that crowd. I had no idea what information the press had on me, but exposing myself to them and showing them my status was the last thing we wanted to do right now. Steve had to talk to the director of the hospital to let us enter through the back, only allowed for the
passage of ambulances from the emergency wing. By the time I was able to go up to Nick's room, it had already been over an hour since he supposedly woke up. I entered his room with my heart pounding and when I saw that he opened his eyes to me, that he smiled at me from his bed, hurt but with happiness overflowing in his light blue eyes, I felt that I could finally breathe.
"Where have you been, freckles?" he asked, opening his arm for me, inviting me to go there, hug him and never let go. That was exactly what I did. I buried myself in the crook of his neck and let him cradle me gently. I climbed onto his bed as he pulled me up and fell silent just listening to the pounding of his heart. I couldn't speak, the words were stuck in my throat. Nick didn't say
anything either, we knew that what had happened had left us both totally horrified, me for experiencing firsthand what it could feel like if he really lost it and Nick because he had suffered the worst part, being deprived of his freedom , of his strength, of his indisputable desire to live. She was afraid to open her mouth, afraid to put into words what might have come to pass. They
didn't let me stay with him much longer, and even though it sounds meaningless, I was relieved when I walked out of that room. The pressure I had felt in my chest when I saw him vanished when he was no longer in front of me. I knew I was behaving like a crazy lunatic, I knew that Nick was suffering more than me, more than anyone, no matter how hard he tried to pretend that the
pain in his body was perfectly bearable. The next three days I spent as little time with him as possible. He found a thousand and one excuses to keep me busy. I began to organize his return to Los Angeles, the doctors had told us that we could take him on the private plane that Will shared with his partners. I arranged for a nurse to travel with us on the plane, I also left his apartment
locked, with everything in order, clean and ready so that when Nick had to sell it or use it again everything would be perfect. I would go in to see him when I knew he was asleep and when he would open his eyes and hold me against his chest without saying anything, I knew he was doing it for me. He didn't understand me, but if that was what I needed, he gave it to me without
hesitation. And I...I just went back to being the girl whose head worked completely the opposite of everyone else's. It was well known that traumatic experiences caused me a mental breakdown that I had a hard time coming out of, but fuck, couldn't I just let it be? Couldn't I just be myself, be the person Nick needed in those moments But I wasn't? and Nick didn't complain. We
don't even talk about the baby; What's more, he only brought up the subject once. "I've been told that the day of the accident you had contractions..." he commented in one of those few moments in which I allowed him to bury his mouth on my neck and kiss me slowly while his hand caressed my tummy with such tenderness that I felt a pain. lump in throat I didn't answer him
because I kept thinking about the words he had used... 'accident'. Had it been an accident? "Accident" is a word used to express an event that no one can control, an unpremeditated event, an instant in which things line up "accidentally" giving rise to unwanted effects. Why was he using the word "accident" to mean that they had tried to kill him? "Noah, where are you," he
whispered in my ear. Come back from wherever you are, love, because it's killing me to see you like this. I didn't understand his question, but I was grateful that the nurses interrupted us then and made me leave. I didn't want to be with him, I couldn't and I didn't understand it either, I just knew that when I entered that room a horrible knot would form in my chest, I felt locked up,
cornered and it only loosened when I left. On the day of the transfer, I had everything completely organized. Our parents were back in Los Angeles now, Nick was a little better, he was going to have to go to the hospital to have his bandages changed every three days and see a physical therapist to help him gradually regain mobility in his arm. They had told him that it was going to be
a long process, but that he had to be thankful for being alive, not everyone suffered something like this and lived to tell about it. He had never been on a private plane, and it's not like I was particularly excited about it. If I already didn't like flying in itself, doing it in a small plane scared me three times. They wheeled Nick into his beige leather seat, facing me and next to a large
window that had nothing to do with a conventional airplane window. We were traveling alone and the nurse he had hired, Judith. During the flight, Nick seemed more tired than usual. I suppose that traveling and moving from the hospital had exhausted his already limited energy. I was grateful that he fell asleep, so I wouldn't have to talk to him or explain what the hell was wrong
with me, but when I got up to go to the bathroom, I came back to find him with his eyes open, fixed on me. I stopped by the bathroom door, looking back at her, noting that Judith seemed to have disappeared from the stall. "I told her she can sleep for a couple of hours in the back room," Nick said, clearly aware of what was going on in my head. I fixed on him. On his shaven chin, his
hair clean and tousled, his dark T-shirt and light jeans of his. He had dark circles under his eyes and exhaustion reflected in each of his handsome features. This trip could have been totally different, he could have been carrying a coffin on that plane... he would have been organizing a funeral this week and not a transfer... I bit my lip hard until it almost hurt. "Noah, come here, Nick
asked me, extending his hand and looking at me worried, nervous and anguished. "I almost lost you, Nick," I commented, staring at him. "I know... but I'm here, Noah..." he said shifting in the seat, wanting to reach me, but unable to get up. I began to cry silently, rooted to the spot. I had been holding back tears for two weeks, trying to be strong for him, for me for the baby... but I
wasn't strong, on the contrary, I was weak, more than that... "Noah..." she pronounced my name his voice choked with grief, his arm still stretched out in my direction as I continued to cry, rooted there, watching him as if paralyzed. "You can't die," I said then, wiping my tears away with a slap of my hand. You heard me! I yelled at him, suddenly furious with him, with myself, with the
world...I had no idea. Nick took a deep breath and nodded. But I hadn't finished yet. -You promised me that you would not leave my side, you swore that nothing was going to be able to separate us anymore! And you almost left me again! Nick looked at me without saying anything... but his eyes moistened. "We were going to fix our thing, we were going to raise this baby together!"
Sobs caught in my throat. "Noah..." "What would I have done if you had died, Nicholas! Her," she yelled, crying inconsolably. I covered my face with my hand, I couldn't bear it... Waking up in the morning knowing that Nicholas was gone... not being able to kiss him again, or hug him, not being able to feel his skin against mine, or lose myself in his gaze , never knowing what it was like
to feel safe... I opened my eyes a moment later, wiping the tears from my face and looking up at him. When a tear fell down his cheek I felt as if I had a body cramp, a bloody discharge that made me react. I went to him and let him envelop me in his arms. I sat on his lap very carefully and buried my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing uncontrollably and not knowing how to stop.
"I've never been so scared in my life," I confessed, staining his shirt with my tears and feeling him tremble under my body. "I know," he agreed, stroking my hair and squeezing me hard. I know because I felt the same fear as you... But I'm not going to leave, Noah, I'm not going anywhere... I let him continue saying nice things in my ear. Meanwhile, I soaked in his scent, his warmth, his
closeness, the sound of his heart beating wildly against mine. "I'm sorry I told you to go... If I hadn't asked you this wouldn't have happened, it's all my fault, Nick, it's my fault again for almost losing you..." Nicholas grabbed my hand. chin tight. "You're not to blame for anything, do you hear me," he replied furiously. -If I had known how to accept what you wanted to give me... if I
hadn't been scared to death of getting back together... -Noah... Shut up, will you? -he cut me off and then gave me a kiss that made me shudder. He kissed me as only he knew how to kiss, he kissed me as I had wanted since he had left... as I wanted to do the night we broke up, as I wanted him to kiss me the day he told me that he was not going to be able to love me again... "I love
you, Nick," I declared as he pulled back to let me breathe. His eyes scanned my face as if wanting to memorize each of my features. I placed my hand on his already shaved cheek and caressed him not wanting to get away from him anymore. He kissed my cheeks, my jaw, and my nose. He lifted my shirt up and placed his hand on my already bulging belly. "Nothing is going to tear us
apart again, Noah, I swear on our son. I hugged him tight and buried my head in his neck. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to be separated from him. I held him until we both fell asleep. I opened my eyes I don't know how long after, but it couldn't have been long because we were still flying. Outside it had become night and only the little lights that were on the sides of the cabin
illuminated us. Nick was watching me, wide awake, his fingers absently playing with one of my strands of hair. "I don't think I've ever told you how much I like your freckles," he commented then, caressing my cheek, ear, and neck with his long fingers. "Yes, you have," I contradicted him without taking my eyes off his. "I've implied... but I haven't put it clearly into words." I know
where each one of them is, and I also know when new ones come out... They drive me crazy. I smiled, amused by the intensity he used to talk about those marquitas that I had always hated until I met him. "Do you think the baby will have freckles like yours," he asked me then, amused. "I think babies don't have freckles, Nick," I said with a smile. His fingers continued to play with the
bulging skin of my stomach. "She's much bigger since I last saw you," he said, circling his thumb just above my belly button. I shuddered from head to toe. "Subtle way of telling me I'm fat," I said, making a face. -You're perfect. I have never seen you as precious as you are now, love. I felt dizzy at the way he looked at me and I got lost in his incredible blue eyes. Then suddenly I
remembered something. "You told me that you had already thought of a name..." I commented, feeling curious about his choice. Nick tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and stroked his thumb slowly over my cheekbone. "Yes, I have thought of one..." he announced suddenly nervous. "I promise not to laugh at you if the name is too ugly," I cut him off smiling. Nick smiled back at
me. "I'd like to call him Andrew," he blurted out, looking into my eyes. He was excited, waiting for my reaction. "Andrew, because of your grandfather?" I asked. Nick seemed to relax as he watched me take it. -Yeah. For my grandfather," he said without taking his eyes off mine. For me he was a person I could always count on. He loved me and has given me the most important
opportunity of my life. He blindly trusted me, leaving me his legacy and I know that if he were alive he would be very happy if we called him that. "Andrew Leister," I said aloud. I like it." Nick kissed me on the lips with a suppressed smile. He was happy. "Andrew Morgan Leister," he corrected, pulling away and kissing me on the nose. He deserves to have his grandfather's name too,
don't you think? I felt my heart stop. The memory of my father came to my mind and I felt my eyes fill with tears. Nick had never really understood how I felt about him, or how, despite what he'd done, a part of me still loved him. I didn't understand it myself, but it just was. One does not handle feelings or control them. I loved my father regardless of everything he did, the girl in me
still mourned his death. "We don't have to," I replied, biting my lip. Nick kissed me again, this time on the neck. "It was your father. Without him you wouldn't be right here before me, carrying my first child inside you. Yes we have to. I pulled him up to reach his lips and he hugged me, pulling me tight against him. "I thought you might want to call him Nicholas," I said against his
chest. He pulled back to look at my face, amused. "There's only going to be one Nick in your life, Noah, and that's going to be me." I laughed at his possessive way of thinking. But that was Nick, and it was true: there would only be one Nicholas Leister in my life. I broke away from him and looked down at my belly. "Andrew..." I said the name softly, and just then I felt a strong kick
from inside. I opened my eyes surprised. It was as if he was giving me his approval. The next kick came a second later. -Give me your hand! I asked excitedly. The baby seemed to catch my excitement as he hit me hard again. Nick reached out with his hand until it rested right where I felt the kick. "Do you feel it?" I asked, glad that he could finally feel what I had been feeling for the
past few weeks. Nick totally gawked assent. "Fuck..." he exclaimed when the next one was even stronger than the last. It was an incredible feeling, the best of all. My baby was fine and was kicking. Nick raised his eyes and fixed them on me. "Thank you, Noah...thanks for this. I was speechless, I just let him hold me while an incredible feeling ran through me: happiness.

CHAPTER 52 NICK

I was done for shit. I was so angry inside about what had happened that I had a really hard time hiding it and shutting it up in front of Noah. I didn't want him to worry, I didn't want him to even have to think about what had happened, but my mind wouldn't stop scheming twenty-four hours a day. They had tried to kill me. I was obsessed that something like this could happen again,
but not against me this time but against the beautiful woman who left and entered the house as if nothing had happened. Noah had resumed his routine as always: he would go to class, to work, and then come to see me. We still didn't live together and losing sight of her was driving me completely crazy. Steve was in charge of taking her and picking her up and waiting for her
outside the faculty so that nothing happened to her, but if she were hers, I would have put her in the room with me and would not have let her leave. I could hardly move out of bed, the recovery was being very slow, and I only left the apartment to go to the hospital. The nurse Noah had hired was taking care of me at home, but I hated feeling like this, like an invalid, I needed to be
with Noah, make sure he was okay at all times. When he came to see me it was complete torture. She would arrive smiling and tell me how her day had gone. Her smile filled the whole room with joy and I was dying to pick her up, take her clothes off and make her mine once and for all. The last time we had made love had been when we had conceived Andrew. Six months without
feeling her in the best way imaginable, six months without sinking inside her and making her scream. The worst thing is that my body was shit, yes, but my mind was even capable of climbing Everest. One day, two weeks after I moved to Los Angeles, she appeared dressed in a gray, skin-tight dress, a dress that marked absolutely everything, including her tummy, which was
increasingly rounded and beautiful. She had left her hair down and her eyes shone like never before. She was already getting hot and her skin had already begun to acquire that tan color that was so flattering on her. I felt her getting hard and I had to control myself not to fuck off the doctor's orders and make love to her without delay, without pause, sinking deep into her and
remembering what we had been missing. "Nick, are you listening to me?" I shut off my lusty thoughts and paid attention to him. "I'm sorry...what did you ask me?" Noah rolled his eyes. -I haven't asked you anything, I was telling you that since school's over in no time and you have little time left to fully recover, I'd like us to go together to buy the baby's things. We don't even have
any idea what to buy, or how much space a baby needs. I've been thinking that if we move my bed and stick it against the bathroom wall there will be plenty of space to put the crib and the thing where they change diapers... «Diapers... Damn, and I'm thinking of undressing her and giving her orgasms ." "Have you put me in that equation?" I asked, looking at her in disbelief. Did you
really think she was going to live in that loft with our newborn baby? "Of course..." she replied, blushing for some reason I couldn't understand. We haven't talked about it again, but... are you going to live with me? I was wondering? I couldn't help but laugh. "I think it's hard enough for anything to stop me from getting into bed with you every night, freckles." Of course I'm going to
live with you, but I'm very sorry, but we're not going to do it in what you call an apartment -I answered without any intention of giving in. "But..." "But nothing, Noah," I cut her off, pulling her up and giving her a peck on the lips. I will not raise my son on a matchbox. Noah fell silent and stared at me for a moment. "I don't want to live here," he declared, referring to my apartment,
that apartment where I had brought Sophia and where Noah tolerated it because he was recovering me. "We'll think of something," I said even though I'd already thought of it. The days passed and each time I began to feel better. A month later I was able to go back to work. Noah entered her third trimester of pregnancy and it was impossible to keep hiding it. Standing in my
kitchen, a cup of coffee to my lips, I was able to hear firsthand how we were making news for the first time. I cursed between my teeth when I saw a photo of Noah walking down the street, his belly already more than evident, making it clear that the news was accurate. The first two weeks after I was shot, the news had spent at least ten minutes talking about me, my company, and
the Leister Enterprises layoffs. However, as the days passed, it had ceased to be important and I had relaxed when I saw that they barely talked about me anymore. But now that it had come to light that Noah was expecting my child, surely our presence in the news would gain strength again. I almost choked when I saw the door of Noah's loft and her trying to enter, dodging the
journalists without answering any kind of question. I saw a pissed off Steve helping my pregnant girlfriend into her own house and rage ran through me. "Damn."

CHAPTER 53 NOAH
 I knew that this was going to end up happening, but I never thought that they would come to harass me. It was Nick they wanted to talk about, but as soon as news broke that I was expecting a baby, the reporters harassed me relentlessly. Nicholas was furious, so angry that he urged me to leave my apartment and took me with him to his for safety. Everyone already knew that I was
pregnant, it had not been so traumatic to tell my friends and teachers, but I did not feel comfortable being in the news. At first it was all about Nick, that we were half-brothers, about the story of our parents... Our lives turned into a circus with crowds of spectators and now that they had told everything about Nick, they were trying to get me out. and talk about my appearance,
about the clothes I wore... It was completely crazy. I almost fell on my ass when I saw the two of us together on the cover of a gossip magazine. The headline read: 'Golden Bachelor Nicholas Leister Finally Settles Down To Be A Father At The Early Age Of Twenty-five. Are they wedding bells that we see approaching? He couldn't believe it. I got to the apartment angrier than ever. I
didn't want to become a public figure, let alone have my life sold as if it were a damn soap opera. When I got out of the elevator, I searched for Nick until I found him holed up in his little gym. All my anger vanished when I saw him sitting, shirtless, sweating and lifting a weight with his left arm, doing the recovery exercises the doctor had ordered. Damn... how could we not be in the
news when that man looked like he just stepped out of a damn Hollywood movie? I watched him gawking until he noticed my presence. His lips smiled when he saw me, and he left the weight on the floor, between his legs. "Hello, Freckles," he greeted me, picking up a towel next to him and wiping his face and arms. I would have told him not to, that the sweat trickling down his
ripped abs was a spectacular sight, but I stayed where he was until he got up and came to meet me. "Everything okay," he asked me, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. That was something else, something that also put me in a very bad mood: neither of us touched more than a few tender kisses. I was afraid that he wouldn't want to do anything because his wounds still hurt,
although if he was already capable of lifting weights, what was stopping him from doing all that to me that crossed my mind every night that I lay next to him? It's just that he didn't like me the way he used to: I was fat, my belly was already between us... Maybe he didn't find me attractive anymore, something that just thinking about it horrified me. Nick tucked a strand of my hair
behind my ear and scowled at me. "What's bothering you?" he asked me, looking at me with those eyes that drove me crazy. I wanted to kiss him all over, to touch his hard, stringy stomach, for him to ram me against that wall and make fucking love to me. But I decided to keep my mouth shut. He wasn't going to ask for something that he clearly didn't want to give me. -Nothing...
I'm tired, I'm going to the shower. I turned to leave the room, but Nick caught my arm, searching my face for some kind of sign, some kind of clue that would explain what the hell was wrong with me. "Is it because of the journalists?" he asked me, kissing me gently below my ear. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall behind me. "No... I just want to shower and go to bed." His
mouth now went to kiss my forehead. Gently, tenderly. "They'll get tired of us, Noah... It's a matter of time before they stalk another couple, this is Hollywood, it's just a matter of time. His hand stroked up and down my arm. I felt anger and stopped his caress by grabbing his wrist. "Stop touching me like I'm a bloody doll, Nicholas. I saw his eyes widen in surprise before I wriggled out
of his grasp and headed down the hallway toward the bedroom. I looked at the bed... That damn bed where surely I had done everything to the damn Sophia Aiken and I got even more pissed off. It's okay that she was no longer attractive to him, but at least he could hide it. As I was getting my pajamas out of the drawer, Nick stopped in the bedroom doorway and leaned against the
frame, scowling at me. -What was the point of that last comment? "Nothing," I answered, wanting to undress, but I felt ashamed that he saw me naked in my state. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I used all my self-control to keep them from falling, giving me away and making me feel even more pathetic. "Noah..." he started to say, moving away from the frame, intending to get
closer to me. "Look, I get that you don't find me attractive anymore, okay. But if you don't want to do anything with me, then don't treat me like I'm your fucking little sister either, Nicholas. I went to go into the bathroom, but he grabbed me and pushed me against the bedroom wall. His hands rested on either side of my head and he leaned down to meet my eyes. "What the hell are
you talking about?" I noticed that my last comment had affected him just as much as it had affected me to tell him. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my hormones in check by having him so close, half naked and so incredibly handsome. I spoke again. "I mean you haven't touched me once in months." I know perfectly well that I'm enormous and that you no longer find me
attractive, but I'm not made of stone, you know! You put yourself there to do weights, waiting for me half-naked as if I no longer had eyes, as if I had already simply become pregnant who only thinks of diapers, cribs and crying babies! I have my needs too! Have you thought about it? My hormones are out of control and you don't qui...! His mouth fell on me with a deep kiss. I closed
my eyes and everything he was saying evaporated from my head. His body pressed me against the wall while his tongue came out to meet mine. I felt him hard against me and I almost melted in his arms. He pulled away a minute later, breathing hard and sparking in his eyes. "I'm still surprised by how that little head of yours works, freckles, but even insinuating that you don't wear
me anymore is an insult that I'm not going to allow," he said, separating from me. If I haven't touched you since we got back, it's because I thought it was you who didn't want to and not the other way around. My heart sped up under my chest. "Why wouldn't I want to," I replied, still trembling against the wall. I have waited for you to recover, but you have not done anything to
show that you wanted to, and that has never happened, Nicholas. "Fuck, Noah... you don't know anything. And so without waiting for an answer he put his hands through my dress and pulled it out over my head. I trembled nervously with anticipation and fear that he wouldn't like the changes my body had undergone. He looked me up and down, running his eyes over my new
curves. -Tell me... what do you want me to do to you -What! I gasped. "Apparently, I've neglected my girlfriend's needs... Tell me what you want me to do for you and I'll do it for you." If she hadn't been ogling me and her pants weren't so clearly bulging it would have looked like she was saying it out of duty, but fuck, she knew that look better than anyone. "Touch me," I asked,
trembling, anticipating her caresses. "Where, do you sin... There are many places where I can touch you and I wouldn't want to treat you like you were my little sister again." Her fingers caressed my cheek carefully. I didn't want sappy caresses, so I took her hand and led it down, through my underwear. I felt her fingers caress that part of me that had missed him so much. She smiled.
"Do you like it here?" she asked me between whispers before biting my earlobe, squeezing hard. I closed my eyes, enjoying the pleasure that her fingers caused me. "Yeah..." I replied throwing my head back. Nick grabbed my chin hard and thrust his tongue into my mouth again, tasting me, caressing me, biting me as if he had never needed my touch more than at that moment. I
pulled away from him and kissed him on his jaw, running the tip of my tongue over his chin until I buried my mouth in his neck and kissed the area where his vein was beating crazy, crazy for me. His hand came back to rest on the wall, and he growled as he teased me down his neck, trailing kisses down his bare shoulder. His fingers entered me hard and I bit back... Nicholas grunted
and lifted me up with his other arm so our faces were level with each other. I don't want to do anything that might... I shook my head. "Nothing's going to happen to the baby..." I replied breathing rapidly and making a pitiful noise when he took his fingers out of me. Don't stop now..." I ordered lowering my hand and caressing him through the fabric of his sweatpants. Nicholas hissed
at my touch and led me to the bed. With me lying down he went on to take off his pants. Well, yes, I had been wrong... -You're the only one who makes me like that, Noah. He leaned over me, slipping his fingers through the elastic of my panties and pulling them off without delay. "Turn face down," he asked me, watching me enthralled. I want you to be comfortable and I don't want
to crush you, turn around. I did what he asked and he got behind me. He unhooked my bra and proceeded to kiss my back from top to bottom. In that position my belly did not come between the two. He was entering my interior little by little and I almost went crazy with the sensation of noticing him entering. I squeezed my eyes shut, controlling the urge to scream. Nick got a pillow
and placed it under my belly to make it more comfortable and then he started to move... really move... "Don't stop," I demanded, feeling ten times more intense pleasure than what I had felt before. any of the times we had slept. I screamed helplessly when our bodies began to move in unison, faster and faster until I ended up screaming with contained pleasure, releasing the
pressure of the last few months, wanting to keep doing that until I no longer had the strength to even move. And so Nick did, he didn't stop, he kept moving and kissing my back. We finally reached the same time, me moaning into the pillow, him biting hard on my left shoulder. I fell asleep almost instantly. I don't know how long it was before I opened my eyes again, but I was
covered and snuggled against Nick, who was running his hand up and down my bare back, caressing me tenderly. Noticing that she was awake, she looked down to meet my eyes. A smile appeared on her pretty lips. "I've lost you for a while, freckles..." I laughed. "I think I passed out from sheer pleasure. "Oh yeah," he said turning me around and positioning himself on top of me,
careful not to crush me. "I've missed you, Nick," I confessed, reaching up her hand to push back a wayward lock of her hair. "I've noticed," he said, kissing me on the lips, "but not as much as I've missed you, freckles..." Andrew kicked me then, as if reminding me that he was still there. I made a face and Nick looked at me concerned. "It was just a kick," I informed him so he wouldn't
worry. Nick rested his head on one of his arms and watched me entranced. "What do you feel?" he asked me, stroking his swollen belly up and down. I stared at the movement of his hand as he pondered his question. "It's a very strange feeling...especially when he's doing it with such force." Nick listened carefully, continuing to caress me. His lips soon settled on my smooth skin,
which made me feel a great warmth inside. "I'm looking forward to finally meeting him," he stated, pulling me to hug me against his chest. Me too, I thought to myself. One day after an exam, Nick came to pick me up in his car. He seemed excited, happy about something that I didn't know. I was also happy to have taken an exam off my mind. Fifteen minutes later we were in an area
of the city that I had not visited before. The buildings were tall, but not tall enough to be considered skyscrapers. The area was pretty, with palm trees lining the streets and well-kept gardens. Nick stopped the car in front of a small white house. It had a wraparound porch and wooden steps leading up to the door. It consisted of two floors and looked like something straight out of a
fairy tale. "Do you like it?" I looked around, then back at him. "Not quite your style," I replied a bit dazed. Nicholas was from large urban apartments with floor-to-ceiling windows and mansions at the foot of the beach. -No, it is not. I bought it thinking of you. I opened my eyes and stared at him in disbelief. -What have you done? Nick got out of the car and came to my door to help
me out. When he had me in front of him, he took a few keys out of his back pocket and held them in front of my face. -You have two years left to finish your degree, Noah. I don't want you to have to give up anything and if I have to move here with you, leave New York and wait for you to figure out who you want to be in life, I will. I already know what I want, my future is on track
and it is because I have had the necessary time to be able to do things well. You are what I am missing in life and I am going to adapt to you until you are ready to make more changes. I don't want to take you to a luxury apartment, or a mansion on the beach, because that's not you. I always thought that I would want to live the way I was raised, but I don't want square meters
between us, love, I want to look up and see you whenever I want. This house is yours, it is my gift to you. I bit my lip and shook my head in a daze. I did not know what to say. The house was beautiful, small, perfect, the house that I would have chosen to start a family. Nick walked over and took my face in his hands. "It's not long before you have Andrew and I know you don't want to
keep living in my apartment." Please accept this gift, Noah. He didn't leave me time to answer, he pulled my hand and we walked to the door. He opened it without delay for a second and we entered what was to become our home from now on. The sunset let in a trail of orange light that warmly illuminated the living room, furnished with white sofas on a parquet floor that shone as
we passed. The house, an open space without walls, was furnished and had large windows with views of the mountains. Nick showed me around and the more I saw the more I fell in love with the place. We went upstairs and he showed me what would be our room. It was large and an immense bed occupied the center of the room. The windows had beautiful white curtains that let
in the light, and the ceiling was made up of large wooden beams. The bathroom was beautiful, all black marble with a large bathtub and a functional shower. The house might not be a mansion but it had absolutely everything, it lacked nothing. He pulled me until we were out in the small hallway. We crossed it until we reached an area that I had not yet seen. There were two doors
facing each other in a small hallway with a window looking out onto the back garden. Nick opened the door on the right and invited me inside. "This will be the baby's room... I thought you'd like it." Was beautiful. It was all painted white, there was no furniture, but the parquet shone like the rest of the house. Right in front of the door there was a large window with a small bench
below, one of those that open and you can store things inside. I smiled. I saw it. I saw us. I saw our baby in that room, sleeping peacefully, playing, crying, laughing. I saw the three of us together sharing incredible moments. That was going to be our house, our little corner, our place. -I love it! I exclaimed turning to him with a big smile. Nick pushed himself away from the door frame
and came over to kiss me. He looked into my eyes with some kind of suppressed emotion. "I want to give you everything, Noah... I want you to be happy with me and that we raise that precious child like neither of our parents knew how to do with us." I laced my fingers behind his neck and smiled completely happy. "Good way to get rid of the loft," I said with a laugh. "The house is
in your name," he added, sticking me close to him and kissing my lips. I don't want you to worry about anything except the baby and the things you wanted to do before you got pregnant. I have been informing myself and there is a special treatment for university students who have children during the course, the program is very good, and they will be more lenient with you, they
will let you organize yourself however you can and... I kissed him, silencing what he was going to tell me. "Thank you, Nick," I said, excited by everything he was doing. You make me very happy, I love you. We kissed again and spent the rest of the afternoon planning how we wanted to furnish the house and when we would definitely move. My new life was underway and I loved it.
The first week of my eighth month, I was practically immersed in college. I had gotten over people staring at me every time I walked in or out of the library and realized that the best thing to do when you were the talk of some place was to skip absolutely everything. In the end, my classmates and even the teachers got used to it and people went out of their way to help me whenever
they could: they brought me my backpack, my laptop, they even bought me food. My belly became the main attraction of the university; suddenly, everyone wanted to know about the baby, everyone wanted to touch my tummy ... And meanwhile, I was becoming more and more uncomfortable: Andrew had almost tripled the size of him, and I felt like a walking duplex. Nick didn't
like me being away from home so long, but this would be my last week on campus before summer break. I needed to get everything fixed. On my return I was going to have a newborn at home and then things were going to get complicated. In one of my exits from the library, which I did mainly to go to the bathroom, something happened that had already happened months ago. I
ran into Michael again. We stared at each other for a few seconds and I kept walking, intending to go around it and get out of there. Michael blocked my path and looked at me with an expression I hadn't seen on him before: disgust. -So you've let me hype you... What a pathetic way to get him back to your side, don't you think his words hurt me. "Leave me alone," I snapped at him
angrily. He caught my arm as I turned to leave. "Has your boyfriend told you that we recently met again?" he asked me, looking into my eyes. He wanted to get out of his grasp, but I couldn't. "She wasn't amused to see him come back after he paid me a fortune to swear he'd never take you to bed again." I was stunned to hear him say that. "But I think I've regretted it..." Just then,
and I was about to pull out my phone and call Steve to pick me up, Charlie, Michael's brother, appeared and walked up to us. "Noah!" -He exclaimed oblivious to the tension that existed between his brother and me. I forced a smile and didn't pull away when he gave me a big hug. "Wow, you're huge!" He observed laughing. I wanted to get out of there, I couldn't bear to see Michael
keep his eyes on me, and as much as I was glad to see Charlie again, I had sworn something to Nicholas and I didn't want to go back on my word. "Charlie, it's good to see you, but I have to go..." I stated, forcing myself to smile. He looked at his brother, who had taken a few steps from us, and then at me. He nodded sighing. "Call me whenever you want, this is my new number," he
said, handing me a card. We have a lot to talk about," he added next to my ear with complicity. I nodded trying to stay calm and then left. Something told me it wasn't going to be the last time Michael would come around to annoy me.

CHAPTER 54 NICK

Noah was huge. Sometimes I was worried that the belly would unbalance it and end up falling forward. The poor thing she had a small complexion, she was always a skinny girl and it seemed that the only thing that made her fat was that belly. There was still a month to go until she was due and she feared that the baby would continue to grow. Also her mood had turned into a roller
coaster. One moment she was happy and content and the next she was crying like a cupcake over little things. That day was her birthday and we had met at our parents' house. Jenna had invited everyone. Noah was in the garden sitting in an armchair that had been brought out for her and opening presents with a happy smile on her face. My sister kept screaming excited to see so
many gifts together, and she had become Noah's special helper; in fact, he hadn't left her side since we'd arrived. Jenna had thrown a beautiful party, with blue balloons everywhere, a big cake with a baby in the center, and lots of games and gifts. Many of my friends had also come and I was grateful to be able to get away for a while to play Xbox with them. So many women together
talking about babies had ended up overwhelming me. A couple of hours later I went to the kitchen to ask Prett if Noah's chocolate cake was ready yet. He was grateful that Jenna had focused the entire celebration on the baby, but Noah deserved a cake with a very large 20 in the center. When I went out into the garden holding her, everyone was surprised and started singing "Happy
Birthday". Noah looked at me excitedly and blew out the candles as she had to. A while later and taking advantage of the fact that people were distracted, I took her by the hand and took her to the pool house. She smiled at me amused remembering old times. "Did you bring me here to do something dirty to me, Nick?" I laughed. "It wouldn't be your birthday if I didn't try to do
something dirty to you, freckles," I explained kissing her on the mouth and enjoying her full lips, the warmth of feeling her against my arms. I stepped away after a long while and took a small box from my pocket. "Your gift," I announced, handing it to him. Noah looked at me excitedly, and when I opened it, his eyes widened in surprise, then moistened almost on the verge of tears.
"You still have it...I thought...I thought you threw it away, I thought..." I shut her up with a kiss and wiped her tears away with my fingers. "I could never have thrown away that pendant, Noah. I gave you my heart two years ago and now I'm giving it back... Noah touched the silver heart I gave him when he turned eighteen. "I sent it to a jewelry store to get a little blue diamond set in
it...you know, Andrew's going to be a part of this too, don't you think?" Noah grinned, happy and still excited. It's the best gift you could have given me. I have missed this pendant, I have missed everything it meant to me and to you. "I know... It should never have left your neck, Noah, it was wrong to take it off." She shook her head. "You did what you felt at the time, Nick... I hurt
you, I didn't deserve to wear it." I picked up the pendant and took it out of the box. "Now there will be nothing and no one to move it from its place again," I sentenced while I fastened it with all my love. I kissed her bare shoulder. "If you're tired and want to go home, just let me know and we'll be gone right away." Noah shook his head, he looked happy. I want to enjoy this day. He
is being perfect in every way.

CHAPTER 55 NOAH

After the party we got ready to finish Andrew's room. Nick came with me and together we bought everything we needed: the changing table, a beautiful cart that looked more like a mutant robot than a cart... and thousands of other things that I hadn't known existed before and that my mother helped us to find. choose. At the party they had given us everything, very expensive
things too, advantages that all our friends were millionaires... There was still time for the baby to be born, but I felt that I needed to leave everything well tied up, only then would I be able to relax as much as possible they asked me to do. I didn't recognize myself. She was going through emotional potholes that had Nick going crazy, but he'd hung on with enough patience. He had
ended up calling Charlie. I had to tell him that even if it hurt, we couldn't stay friends: my relationship with Nick was more important and I wasn't going to blow it. Since I considered that these were not conversations to have over the phone, when I called him I suggested that we meet one afternoon for coffee and he offered his house. He swore to me that Michael was not going to
be present and I decided to stop by. When Charlie opened the door for me I felt infinite joy and in a second we melted into a big hug, a hug that was a bit complicated considering my condition. "You're more attractive than ever," he commented teasing me. I rolled my eyes and walked into his house. Memories of that night suddenly came back to me and I had to take several deep
breaths to calm down and enjoy what I had come to do. Charlie didn't deserve what he had done to him, I should never have stopped talking to him, but things weren't going to continue as usual either. After breaking up with Nicholas, I changed, for the worse, and withdrew into myself. I would not have been a good friend to him. He told me that he had dropped out and that he had
spent five months in a rehabilitation center. Charlie was an alcoholic, and I felt bad not knowing until now that he had relapsed. He told me that he had never been better and that those months had made him a new person. Everything was great until we couldn't help but touch on a topic in question. "I know you don't even want to hear about my brother, but I swear he's sorry for
everything he did to you, Noah," he explained, pleading with his eyes. It seemed that it was more important to him that I forgive him and forget everything than it was to Michael himself. He's been rehired at the college, and he works with a number of students with mental disorders...He helps them a lot, you know "I know he's your brother, Charlie, but he's someone I want to leave
behind...do you understand I'm sorry I'm glad this includes you, but I can't risk being anywhere near Michael. I hope you understand. Charlie nodded a little embarrassed. "I'm glad you're with Nicholas again, you look happy." "Thank you," I said, giving him a big hug. Thanks for being a good friend. I left his house with my heart in a fist. I hated goodbyes, but now I was going to start a
new life and if Nick had been able to start from scratch I had to do the same. When I got home I was a bit dizzy, so I went straight to bed. Nick came home from work a couple of hours later, and I noticed he was a lot quieter than expected. "Do you mind turning off the air conditioning," I asked, lying on our bed while he watched as he took off his tie and jacket. Nick frowned and did
as I asked. Then he seemed to hesitate before turning to me. "I know you've been to see him, Noah," he said then, completely throwing me off. I felt cold sweat trickle down my back. "How..." "Steve. Sure... Steve, shit. "I've been to see Charlie, nothing more. Nick's jaw clenched. -You've gone to see Charlie and when you get home I find you indisposed... Couldn't it have to do with a
certain person being there to put you in this state? -No! I denied vehemently, sitting up in bed. At that precise moment, a stinging pain shot through my back, leaving me breathless. "Noah," Nicholas asked in alarm, walking over to the bed immediately. I took a deep breath and the pain passed as quickly as it had come. "Calm down, I'm fine," I said, leaning back on the pillows. "You
have a bad face," he observed. You're pale, dammit. His fingers brushed a damp lock from my forehead. "You have a fever, Noah," he announced in alarm. "No... I'm fine, really... Just a little tired." I saw him torn between his anger at having gone to see Charlie and her concern about my condition. I didn't want to see him upset, I didn't want him to think I'd broken my word. "Nick...I
didn't see Michael, really. "What pisses me off isn't that you saw him or not, but that you went to his house and didn't even tell me." I could have accompanied you to see your friend, it's not him I want to break the face of, you know I forced a smile, hoping he would calm down. -That issue has already been settled... that's why I went to see him, he deserved an explanation. Nicholas
met my eyes for a moment, then leaned down to kiss me on the forehead. A kiss that lasted a few seconds too long because he was taking my temperature. -I'm ok... And then, as if agreeing with him, I felt another stab of very intense pain that went through me. I closed my eyes tight. "Nick..." I said scared, taking his hand. "I'm here," he stated in a tone he had never heard before.
When it happened I fell back. -Let's go to the hospital. -No! It's not necessary, they're Braxton Hicks contractions, really, it's normal... Before I could finish the sentence, the pain hit me again and forced me to almost double over. I clenched my teeth holding back the tears that, treacherous, contradicted my words. "I don't know what's going on..." "I think you're going into labor,
Noah," he told me, getting out of bed. I yanked her hand hard. "No, that's impossible..." I contradicted him, holding him close to me, "there's still a long way to go for that... And at that moment, as if it were a bloody joke in bad taste, I felt my thighs get wet and also the sheets on which it was. I opened my eyes scared. "Noah, fuck what's wrong with you! You're scaring me." I held my
breath. I think my waters have broken. When I lifted the sheet and saw that it was soaked, my breathing began to accelerate until I was hyperventilating. She wasn't ready yet...she wasn't ready for this. Nick picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. I was so scared that I was grateful to see that he remained ,even a little, calm. He sat me down on the sink and took my face in his
hands. "Breathe, Noah," he advised me, taking off the dress he had just lost. "I'm a mess," I complained shakily. Nick looked at me blankly. "Do you want to take a shower?" I nodded as he turned on the water and made sure it wasn't too hot. "Stay here," he told me, leaving the bathroom and entering a second later with clean clothes. Nick helped me out of the rest of my clothes and
set me under the warm water of the shower. It only took me a few minutes to shower. When I got out, Nick wrapped a towel around me and dried me from top to bottom. When I was fully dressed, a new contraction forced me to double over: it was a horrible and painful feeling and I wanted it to go away. "Let's go to the hospital, freckles," he said, kissing me on the forehead when I
was breathing normally again. I nodded feeling afraid. The baby wasn't ready yet...

CHAPTER 56 NOAH

The hours that preceded my arrival at the hospital were the most painful and anguishing of my life. As I had supposed it was soon for the baby to be born, but Andrew's water breaking had become wedged in the birth canal and there was no turning back. I labored very quickly and as soon as I arrived they took me directly to the delivery room. Naive me! I thought that as soon as it
was time to push things would go just as fast as with dilation, but nothing could be further from the truth: I spent eight hours pushing. Eight hours during which all my strength evaporated and I believed that I would not be able to continue. "Noah...you have to keep going, you have to push, freckles, one more...just one more time." Nicholas was speaking into my ear. He had a tight
grip on both hands and I would most likely end up breaking all of his fingers. "I'm very tired..." I confessed, relaxing after one of the many contractions. My whole body ached, it seemed to me that the epidural had worn off a long time ago and I just prayed that it would all end once and for all. I could hear the doctors talking softly, saying something about my pelvis and the baby not
having enough room to come out. I always knew: my womb was not made to have babies. "Nick... get me out of here... take me away, I can't take this pain anymore," I implored crying while I saw her eyes get wet just like mine. "When this is over we'll go, love, I'll take you wherever you want with me, but now you have to push." Another contraction made my belly turn to stone, and
I clenched my teeth and pushed again. The nurses encouraged me and the doctor kept telling me to push. Someone put a wet cloth on my forehead and when I noticed that the contraction had stopped and the baby was still not coming out, h wanted to die. "This isn't working..." I lamented. -Doctor, she is ex haustede Do something, dammit! "Doing a C-section now would be
dangerous for the mother," the gynecologist replied. I watched Nick go pale. -Noah... I want you to push with all your might in the next contraction, okay? I'm going to use the forceps to get the baby out, it has to come out: there's fetal distress. My baby was suffering, she was suffering because of me, she was suffering because she was not able to help him out. "Sit up," the doctor
told me, and I barely had the strength to raise my head. Mr. Leister, sit behind her so that she rests her back against her chest. Nicholas did as he was told and knowing that she was in her arms gave me the strength to continue. "You can do it, love... Come on, just one more time." The next contraction came seconds later. I don't even know where I got the strength from, but I did it.
Gripping Nick's hands tightly, I pushed and pushed until I practically passed out. "It's coming out!" the doctor announced, and a minute later we heard the hysterical cry of a very angry baby. I pounced on Nicholas, she couldn't even keep her eyes open. "Noah...it's beautiful...look at it, love." I opened my eyes and the nurse came over with something very small wrapped in a blue
blanket. "He's a very handsome boy," the nurse commented to me as she held it out for me to take. His arms were shaking and Nick helped me from behind to hold him against my chest. -My God...! I exclaimed excitedly. Andy stopped crying as soon as he heard my voice. Tears welled up in my eyes and I leaned down to kiss his little head barely covered by a mop of black hair.
"That's perfect..." I heard Nick say in my ear, "thanks for this, Noah. I love you so much, you've done great. Just then Andrew opened his eyes and looked at us curiously. Two sky-blue lanterns took both of our breath away: I was head over heels for Nick. I couldn't keep staring at it because they took it out of my hands. "You'll have to stay in the incubator until we're sure everything's
okay." This little boy really wanted to be born. I bit my lip hard when I heard how he started crying again, furious that they were bothering him again. He had been so comfortable with me... Andrew Morgan Leister was born on a Saturday in July and weighed exactly two kilos. He spent two nights in the incubator until I was finally able to have him with me. I was released a few hours
later and Nick took us home so we could rest. I still felt limp and exhausted. I hadn't slept more than a few hours, worried about my precious baby, the baby who at that moment was sound asleep in the car seat we had in the back seat. Nick hadn't left me for a minute, he was just as tired as I was, but he seemed happier than ever. Our parents had been in the hospital, everyone was
crazy about Andrew, everyone wanted to hold him, put him to sleep and tuck him in, but my little boy only found peace in my arms. When we got home, I found a bunch of balloons and gift baskets with cards in which they congratulated us. We had been harassed by journalists when we left the hospital and I never thought they would bother to give us something. Nick saw to it that
the pushchair was lowered with Andy in it and I was glad to be able to go home. The last few days had been crazy. I took my baby in my arms and climbed up to our bed. Nick came up behind me. I should have put him in his crib, that precious crib we had prepared for him in his room, but it hurt just to think of leaving him there alone. We sleep together, with Andy between us. "I
can't believe he's here with us already," Nick confessed to me as he ran one of his fingers over Andrew's rosy cheeks. "He's the prettiest baby I've ever seen," I declared, bending down to sniff his little head. He smelled so exquisitely good... It's not because I was his mother, it's because he was a beautiful baby. All blue eyes and fat cheeks. Jenna had given him the little outfit she was
wearing, a teal blue ensemble with "I'm Number 1" etched in the center. I smiled happy to be home, to be with Nick, that the worst was over... Or so I thought then. Oddly enough, it wasn't difficult for us to adjust to Andy. He was not a baby who cried all day, on the contrary, sometimes we had to wake him up to feed him. For some unknown reason he had only been able to nurse
her for the first two weeks after he was born. I started noticing that the baby was having a hard time sucking and that I couldn't really nurse anymore. It hurt me to lose that special bond with him, there is nothing more magical than feeding your baby, feeling it against you, but there was nothing we could do. "Look at it on the bright side," Jenna said, cradling Andy with a rapt gaze.
Your boobs won't fall off. I rolled my eyes. If she was ever the one with a baby she would understand why she was so depressed about it. "I want one," Jenna declared then, catching me off guard. I laughed as she continued folding and placing Andy's clothes in her bedroom closet. She had so many clothes that half she was not going to be able to put on. Andrew grew by leaps and
bounds, nothing to do with how tiny he was when he was born. He now he already weighed almost four and a half kilos. "Tell that to Lion," I said, sitting across from her and watching the pacifier sway on Andy's chubby lips. Having stopped breastfeeding, we had given in to that whim. Andrew did not part with the pacifier even by force. "I've told him... But he says he wants to wait,"
he explained making a face. I'll have to do some trick for an accident to happen. "Jenna!" I exclaimed, opening my eyes wide. My friend laughed and her laughter woke up the baby. I took it from her hands as she rocked it back to sleep. -It's a joke! Jenna replied, having fun at my expense. After a while she and Lion left and Nick came looking for me. He found me sitting on the couch
with Andy awake but calm in my arms. His eyes didn't separate from mine, he seemed to want to tell me something. Nick kissed the top of my head and sat down opposite me on the footrest. "I see you well," he commented to me, smiling, leaning on his knees and fixing his eyes on both of them. "It's amazing that it's already been three weeks since he was relentlessly pushing this
little guy out," I said, running my fingers through his dark fur. His skin was so soft she could spend hours caressing him. "I wanted to tell you something, Noah," Nick announced, suddenly serious. I looked up at him. "Is something wrong?" I knew he'd been nervous because the trial against the man who shot him was in two weeks. We were all anxiously awaiting the moment when
that bastard was put behind bars. "Nothing happens...or actually everything happens," he told me, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. I wanted to tell you that you've made me the happiest man in the world, freckles," he said leaning over and kissing the top of Andy's head, who had already closed his eyes, asleep and oblivious to everything. Everything we've experienced, all
the situations we've had to face together... It's been a long time since that first kiss we shared in that car, on a summer night like this, under the stars. I remember that I was dying for an excuse that would lead me to taste your mouth, touch your skin and caress you everywhere. You have made me a better person, Noah, you have saved me from a lonely and empty life, a life in which
love had no place and was ruled by hate. You are always capable of finding a way to justify people's mistakes, you always want to see the positive side in all the people who appear in your life... And if there is an unjustifiable mistake that can be applied to me, it is not having done this before... With my heart in my fist, I watched as he took out a small black velvet box from his pocket.
When he opened it, I gasped to see a beautiful, dazzling ring. "Marry me, Noah...share your life with me once and for all. Be mine and I will be yours forever. My hand went to my mouth, momentarily lost for words. "I..." He continued with a lump in his throat. I noticed Andrew, asleep between the two of us; suddenly my hands were shaking. Nick picked up the baby and carefully
placed it in the crib. Then he came over to me, knelt down in front of where she was sitting, and locked eyes with me. -What do you say, freckles? A smile appeared on my lips helplessly. I tugged at the lapel of his shirt and kissed him vehemently on the mouth. "Is that a yes," he asked, smiling against my lips. "Of course," I said excitedly, my eyes moist with happiness. Nick took my
hand and placed the ring on the ring finger of my left hand. "I love you so much..." he said kissing me again. He picked me up and led me to the room. We loved each other madly, we caressed each other, we kissed each other and we made all kinds of promises. I wanted him to shower me with kisses and he did, I wanted to feel him very close and it pleased me in the best way...
When Andrew was one month old, Nick had to go back to work. He didn't really stop doing it at any time, but he did it from home, sitting on the couch and with the laptop on his lap. I loved going into the living room and seeing him with Andy asleep on his chest while he typed seriously, his gaze fixed on the screen. Seeing them together melted my soul. Two brown heads, two pairs
of light blue eyes... they were so alike that sometimes it even bothered me. "You'll be happy..." I reproached him one day while we were playing with him on our double bed. He hasn't even gotten the whites out of my eyes... Nick smiled proudly, but shook his head. "She'll have your freckles... I know." "And he'll hate me for it." Nicholas laughed. "Our baby is going to be a
heartbreaker, Noah. I have no doubt. Andy laughed for the first time and we both gawked at him. That child had completely captivated us and now we were totally at his mercy. A month after Andy was born, specifically on a Monday, Jenna came to pick me up to go for a walk downtown. I had barely been out since I had Andy and it still made me nervous to take him out of the
house, but after a lot of insistence from my friend I ended up taking the robot cart, which I had learned to use recently, and we walked towards the mall that was a few blocks from home. It was very hot, and I didn't want Andy to be in the sun, so we went into a cafeteria to talk about my wedding and all the preparations that were already on Jenna's mind. "I already told you, Jenn," I
warned her wearily. We are engaged, but we are not going to get married until the child is a little older. -That's silly! "No, it's not, I can't plan a wedding and take care of a newborn!" "I'll organize it for you, silly!" I shook my head in exasperation and continued listening to her spiel. Our parents had been very happy when we told them that we were going to get married. None of them
was very amused that we had done things backwards. We'd both been raised to follow convention, even when it came to matrimony-falling in love, getting married, living together, and then having kids-but Nick and I had made it pretty clear that we weren't conventional at all. To be honest, I hadn't given a moment's thought to marriage, I had been so focused on the baby and Nick,
that she took me completely by surprise. We were too young to commit for life, but we were too young to have a child, and too young to have experiences that escaped ordinary people. I was happy and so was Nick, and that was what mattered. A couple of hours later we decided to head home. Steve no longer accompanied me everywhere. After prodding Nick a lot, and seeing that
everything was more or less back to normal, I made him understand that it was exaggerated to have someone watching my back all the time. Nicholas, on the other hand, rubbed shoulders with important people, the trial was a media issue that was the order of the day and it was he who had been attacked almost to the point of taking his life. I was afraid for him, Steve was the best
in his profession and, speaking clearly, the poor thing was bored to death accompanying me to the park or to buy diapers. Nick ended up accepting and that same night they traveled together to San Francisco. He had told me that he was going to try to return at night, but I knew that his meetings there took longer than expected. It was going to be my first night alone since I'd had
Andrew and Nick was nervous. I wasn't worried, I knew how to handle the baby perfectly and I declined his offer to accompany him. I didn't want to get on a plane with a one-month-old and I didn't want to change his routines either. Nick stopped insisting as soon as I explained my reasons. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" my friend asked me when I told her I
had to stop by the pharmacy. Andrew had a diaper rash and the poor thing was having a pretty rough time. "Don't worry," I replied and hugged her goodbye. Jenna bent down to kiss Andy on the top of the head. "The clothes I buy her are the best," she stated, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. That day she was wearing little white shorts with a little shirt that had another message
in the center. I ONLY TAKEN EIGHT HOURS TO GET OUT. "Take care of my godson!" She yelled walking away. I went to the pharmacy and bought the cream. On the way back, while I was pushing the cart along the same street that I used to walk practically every day, I felt a strange sensation. A chill ran down my spine. I turned my head to look over my shoulder and saw no one. It felt
weird not having Steve by my side, and most likely I would have forgotten what it was like to go anywhere alone. I kept walking, wanting to get home and the strange feeling was relegated to oblivion. Andy hadn't stopped crying since we'd arrived. The rash he had bothered him and any touch made him scream hysterically. He only calmed down when he picked him up, face down:
his little bottom looking up and his little head resting on my arm. By this time he had laid him against my chest, just like Nick always did, and he had finally fallen asleep. I put him in the crib and tucked him in, staring at him. How could you love someone so much and almost automatically? My little man... with his pacifier and hi chubby cheeks was the most beautiful thing I had ever
seen in my life. He suffered when he saw him cry and touched the stars when he saw him smile. And to think that I had spent a lifetime without him... Now just thinking about not having him with me made me faint. I got into bed after chatting for a while with Nick, who I knew had had to pay for a hotel room for the night. When I hung up I fell asleep almost instantly. I was
exhausted. I opened my eyes and all the hairs on my body stood on end. Don't ask me why, it just happened. Everything was calm, but a feeling made me get up on the mattress. My breathing quickened and I got up putting my feet on the floor without making a sound. I forced myself to calm down. Most likely I had woken up from some nightmare. They weren't recurring like before,
but since Nick wasn't with me, I was more prone to getting them again. This time I didn't even remember her, but I tried to calm down before going to see the baby. Andy was able to sense my mood instantly and if I was upset or nervous he would cry angrily back. When I had calmed down a bit I left the room and crossed the hall to Andrew's. My heart stopped. There was someone
there. My baby was not alone.

CHAPTER 57 NOAH

My entire body tensed, petrified with fear as I was about to enter my son's room. I did not pass the threshold. The woman with her back to me heard me and turned almost automatically. I was out of breath. I knew her and that only terrified me even more. -Briar. The red-haired girl before me had nothing to do with the stunning woman who lived with me for months. Her hair was
shorter, almost to her shoulder length. She had dark circles under her green eyes and not a drop of makeup on her small imperfections She was dressed in simple black pants and a gray sweatshirt. I repeat: nothing to do with the stunning girl who lived with me for months. "Don't move from that door, Morgan. Her stupid way of calling me, ignoring my first name, made me clench
my teeth hard. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" I asked without raising my voice. Andy was still asleep, too close to Briar, who had been standing over her crib watching him until I'd interrupted. I saw Briar's hand reach out of his pocket and the shiny metal of a knife... His heart leaped immediately. I swallowed and was rooted to the spot. "He wanted to meet Nick's
son," she commented, turning to the crib and smiling completely gawking. It didn't escape me that I referred to Andy only as Nicholas's son. I tried to stay calm even though all I wanted to do was pull her away from my baby and run out of the room. "It's beautiful... nailed to it," she asserted, leaning down and caressing her head. Automatically I took a step forward but her other
hand, the one with the knife, came up pointing its sharp tip at me, stopping me instantly. "I told you not to move," she hissed furiously. "Briar, please..." I begged her as she reached into her crib with both hands and lifted Andy into her arms, who woke up instantly. My baby blinked several times, confused, and when I saw her pick it up, I knew what was going to happen. Andrew
burst into tears, breaking the tense silence that had filled the room. I clenched my hands tightly, wanting to hold him, wanting to reassure him. A terrible hatred ran through my body. Nothing mattered to me then, I would kill her I would kill her if she hurt my baby. Briar cradled him to stop crying, and I gasped as the knife in his right hand came dangerously close to Andy's body.
"You're getting it wrong," I scolded him when I saw him cry, desperate for him to let go, to get him to get that damn weapon away from my newborn baby. Briar looked up at me and seemed a little harried. "Turn it face down," I instructed, c
tugged at me to clear the way for Briar. "Wait for me downstairs," he said in an authoritative tone he'd never heard her use before. My heart almost stopped when he started to walk towards the door. "Briar... Briar, please... give it back to me, please." I cried trying to break free of Michael's arms. Briar stopped for a moment. His eyes flicked up to me, then to Michael, and finally to
Andy. "I'm sorry, Noah," he apologized, disappearing down the stairs. -No! -scream with all my might. Andrew screeched hysterically and Michael spun me around so that my back was against the wall. "Did you think you were going to go on with your damn life like it was nothing? Did you think I was going to let that asshole have you to himself without me doing anything about it?" I
began to cry uncontrollably. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. Nicholas was away, Steve too... Then I remembered a conversation with Nick from just a few weeks ago. I hadn't paid much attention to him, he was always so obsessed with my safety, always so worried that someone would want to hurt us again... Now I understood better why he had agreed to take Steve
with him... "I've got an alarm set up in the house, Noah," Nick had told me as I'd been feeding Andrew a bottle, gawking and unable to take my eyes off my baby. Given your history with alarms, and so that you don't have to enter passwords every time you enter or leave, I have told them to place a panic button, you just have to press it and it will activate in the control panel. Are you
listening to me? I looked up from the baby and smiled up at him. "Yeah, yeah, panic alarm, sure I hear you. Nicholas came over to me with a sigh. "Panic button, Noah, it's under the kitchen counter. At that point Andy made some adorable cooing sounds and my attention was diverted again. Nicholas snatched the baby from me, glaring at me. "Fuck Noah, this is important! I glared at
him and raised my arms. -I have heard you, you are exaggerating, but I have understood, now give me Andrew. Nick sighed, shook his head, and handed me the baby. -Remind me to tell you exactly where he is... But I wasn't listening to him anymore... and I didn't remind him of anything at all... "That ten thousand dollars he gave me to get out of here did me good for a while...but
your boyfriend has a lot more than ten thousand dollars, right, honey," Michael asked, snapping me out of my reverie. He wanted money... Why wasn't he surprised? "You're a son of a bitch," I blurted out, hating him like I've never come to hate anyone. Michael's jaw clenched and before he could stop himself he had slapped me across the face. "Don't insult my mother again. You
heard me! I trembled with fear, but I tried to be strong. I couldn't believe he had hit me... "Now tell me where the hell is the safe?" I knew there was one in our room. The password had been chosen by Nick, it was the day we had met. I told him where he was and he pushed me into the bedroom. His eyes fell on the unmade bed, the beautiful furniture, and the photo we had framed
and hung above the bed. Jenna had done it for us and the three of us were hanging out: Nick, Andy and me. "What would your boyfriend say if I fucked you again and this time on top of your precious bed? Do you think he would forgive you again? Or would he leave you lying like he didn't hesitate to do two years ago?" calm. Michael laughed and moved the box I indicated. Behind it
was the silver safe. "Put in the key." He pulled me until I was right in front of him. He did what he asked and when he opened it his eyes lit up. "Fuck, with your boyfriend..." he exclaimed, picking up the wads of bills that he had piled up along with some documents. If he has all this in his fucking house, I don't even want to think about what he'll have in the bank. I clenched my fists
tightly. "Take the damn money and get out of here. Michael smiled, stuffed the wads of five hundred bills into the backpack he was carrying, then pushed me down the stairs. Briar was sitting on the couch, Andy asleep in her arms. When I saw that he was fine, I felt my heart start working again. I didn't care about the money... If it were up to me, I'd even give him the clothes I was
wearing, but please, don't hurt Andy, please, don't hurt him. "Can we go now," Briar asked nervously. "In a minute, honey," Michael replied, glancing around the rest of the room. When she pulled me towards the kitchen I felt adrenaline pumping from every pore of my skin. Where's the bloody alarm, Nicholas? Briar got up with Andy in her arms and followed us. She hated to see
how she held him, as if she were hers, as if my baby belonged to her. Michael put the backpack full of money on the table and forced me to sit in one of the chairs. Briar looked from one to the other, alternately. She looked like a child waiting to be told what to do. "What's your plan, Michael?" I asked, trying to lengthen his stay in that room. If they left before I could raise the alarm,
chances are I'd never see my baby again. Take the money and my son to get back at Nicholas? "That's exactly what I'm going to do," she replied, smiling and opening the fridge. He picked up a beer and looked me straight in the eye. I love seeing you so scared... It drives me crazy to move around this house, drink your beer and know that I have your family at my mercy. I shivered as I
sat in the chair, wondering how she had been such an idiot that she hadn't seen what Michael O'Neil really looked like. "You always try to justify people's mistakes..." Nicholas's words hit me almost as hard as the slap Michael had given me a few minutes ago. I wanted to see the good in him, it was true, I wanted to find a reason why he took advantage of my vulnerability and now I
understood that there is no good in everyone. Bad people exist, simple as that. Andy started whimpering again and Michael looked away from me to fix on my son. "I really wanted to meet little Leister..." he confessed, reaching over and taking the child from Briar. I jumped to my feet. -Do not touch it! I yelled making him cry, as was my intention. Michael ignored my warning and
stroked her little head. "It looks so much like him that it disgusts me," he commented, handing it back to Briar. Andrew continued to cry. "He's hungry," I announced, looking Michael in the eye, "let me fix him a bottle." Michael smiled amused. "I'm sure you know how to ask for it better," he said, approaching me. His breath of alcohol made me gag. "Please," I asked trying to control
the disgust and hatred I felt towards him. Michael caught me around the waist and buried his mouth on my neck. I went ramrod straight and held back tears. "Make her shut up," he commanded in my ear, releasing me a second later. I turned away from him almost immediately and walked around the kitchen island to get the bottle, cereal powders, and milk. As I did, my fingers
fumbled under the counter for the damn alarm. Michael, meanwhile, was finishing his beer with a stupid smile on his lips. I didn't understand why he was still there: if I were him I would have left as soon as I had taken the money, but seeing how comfortable he was, I understood that this was more about making me suffer than running off with the bills. He enjoyed, as he had rightly
said, taking Nicholas's place in this house. I almost got something when my fingers finally tripped over something under the counter. It was the panic button! I pressed him, praying that the police would be here soon. I heated the milk in a bain-marie. When the bottle was ready I went over to Briar. "Let me give it to him," I asked with pleading eyes. "No," he refused, snatching the
bottle from my hand. Michael watched me. "You know, Noah," he said, changing his former jovial tone to a much darker one. I could have given you this..." he stated, pointing around. We would have been happy if you didn't cling to someone like Leister... What's up? Do you like being treated like ass? Tell me... I can do that too if you want. -Leave me alone! she squealed, facing
him. You're such an idiot you're going to spend your whole damn life in jail! And you too! I yelled at Briar. Can't you see that he is manipulating you? He did the same to me! -Be quiet! Briar ordered angrily. Michael has helped me more than anything or anyone... we're going to leave here together... Aren't we?" he said, looking at Michael with eyes sparkling with emotion. I shook my
head, not understanding anything. "What the hell have you done to him?" I asked, turning to him. Michael went to answer, but then the noise of police sirens began to be heard in the distance. I would have been relieved to hear them if it wasn't for the fact that all I cared about was Briar giving me Andy back. If the police came in and that psycho had it, I didn't even want to imagine
what could happen. Michael turned to me, slamming the beer down on the table and grabbing my arm tight. "What the hell did you do?" he said, shaking me. My teeth chattered, but I smiled. "Silent alarm. You have half as second to get the hell out of here. Briar looked startled at Michael and then back at me. Andy began to bellow and squirm, perhaps because the intensity of the
noise from the alarms was increasing by the minute. Michael released me, picked up the backpack from the table, and turned to Briar. -Come on! He yelled opening the door that led to the garden. Briar was scared to death, she could see it in her eyes. Andy was crying and all she seemed to want was to make him calm down. "Briar, give it back to me..." I begged. Michael didn't wait
another second. He walked out the door, backpack on his back and not looking back. I wanted the police to catch him, I wanted with all my strength, although at that moment my eyes could only focus on the woman in front of me, the woman who had my son in his arms. He started to walk backwards as I approached her and forced her back to the front door that opened onto the
street. She stopped looking at me scared. "I'm sorry, Noah...I thought I died when she opened the door to leave." Andrew's cries pierced my soul. My baby suffered and I couldn't do anything, they were taking it away, they were taking it away from me. My worst fears were coming true and there was nothing I could do. Then two police cars came around the corner. When she saw
them, Briar stopped, her eyes wide. "I'm the one who should take care of him," she said, looking at me with hatred and squeezing my baby tightly. Her screams sharpened, breaking my soul. She ran outside, but a police car pulled up right in front of the house. -Drop your weapon! a policeman ordered her, pointing a gun at her. I covered my mouth with my hand. No! They could give
my baby! Briar looked across the street, but another police car pulled up just then, cutting off any chance of escape. -Drop your weapon! They yelled again. Briar looked at me, her eyes brimming with tears. A second later the knife fell to the pavement. "Now put the baby down carefully, take two steps away, and kneel down!" I held my breath and stared at Briar, who looked
completely dazed. She lifted Andy up, kissed him on the top of the head, and slowly lowered herself down to lower him to the ground. The little one writhed and cried like never before. A sob escaped my throat as Briar backed away from Andy and did as the cops told her. I ran out to where my son was, picked him up and brought him to my chest: never in my life had I felt so afraid,
never in my life had I wanted to kill someone. My legs trembled and I knelt on the ground for fear of falling. Andy was crying against my chest as I tried to calm him down. I didn't even know what was happening around me, nothing mattered more to me than knowing that my baby was with me again. "Ma'am, let me help you," a policeman offered to help me up. My whole body was
shaking, I could barely control the sobs that escaped my throat. "Michael...has escaped through the garden gate..." I informed him, shaking like a leaf. The policeman asked me to describe the assailant and they sent reinforcements to look for him. They took me inside the house, they wanted to ask me questions, they wanted a doctor to check me and Andrew, but I refused, I asked
them to leave me alone and I locked myself with Andy in his room. The white bodysuit with little bees that I had put her to sleep in was all stained by dirt from the road. I took off his dirty clothes and changed him while he kept crying. I sat with him on the couch and didn't stop rocking him until he finally stopped crying. His little eyes never left my face. "That's it..." I whispered,
cradling him against my chest. It's over, my life... Only when I found out that Andy was fast asleep did I allow myself to go down to the living room with him in my arms. "Mrs. Leister, we have a few questions to ask you," the policeman announced to me. Her husband is on his way, we have taken it upon ourselves to notify him of what has happened... "Nicholas..." she hadn't thought
of him once. My thoughts and attentions had been focused only on the baby in my arms sleeping peacefully. "We've captured Michael O'Neil, ma'am," one of the policemen there announced. He tried to run away, but we were able to take him down easily. He had no weapons. I nodded, though I didn't feel any relief. I still couldn't believe what had happened, I was in a state of shock
and I just wanted to lock myself in my room with Andy and not see anyone else. "Apparently Mr. O'Neil was treating Ms. Palvin in a program for people with mental disorders. What? "Briar..." I asked, not believing what she was hearing. "Miss Palvin was admitted to that center four and a half months ago. She apparently tried to take her life and her parents locked her up for her own
good. Mr. O'Neil must have pulled her out of the center of her without anyone noticing her. He couldn't believe it... even though taking advantage of her patients seemed to be that bastard's favorite pastime. I could see Michael's satisfaction that he was dealing with someone from my past and from Nicholas as well. She could almost hear the chatter between the two of them: Briar,
hurt by what she had been through with Nick, and Michael, feeding on her pain to blackmail her into doing what she did. I controlled the urge to cry and spent the next few hours giving a statement. They let me do it at home, I said I wasn't going to move from there, in anyway. I called Jenna on the phone after the cops left: she didn't want to be left alone. She and Lion came over
immediately, shocked and frightened by what had happened. "I'm tired," I admitted after we had tea in the kitchen. I was still holding Andy asleep against my chest and I refused to let go. "I'm going to lie down for a while." Jenna nodded and told me not to worry about her. She hadn't been able to talk to Nick because he had caught the first flight to Los Angeles and now he was
flying himself. I got into bed with Andy next to me and tried to get some rest. I still had the shock in my body and I didn't know how long it would take me to recover from what had happened. I opened my eyes a couple of hours later. My heart stopped when I saw Andy wasn't in bed with me. I sat up in terror but stopped when I saw Nick sitting across from our bed with Andrew
asleep against his chest. His nose nuzzled her little head and his eyes flicked in my direction when he heard that he had woken me up. I took a deep breath of relief and began to cry. Nicholas stood up with our son in his arms and came over to where I was standing motionless, unable to stop crying and feeling so guilty he could barely open his mouth. It had all been my fault...
Nicholas had warned me about Michael and I hadn't wanted to listen to him. Surely it had been Charlie who had given him my home address... My son could be dead because of me... "Nick..." I sobbed uncontrollably. I'm so sorry...he pulled me close to his chest, our baby still asleep between us. I buried my head in his neck and let him hold me tight. "Sh... Noah," he cut me off, his
voice cracking as he reached up and buried his hand in my hair. Don't be sorry... I didn't even think that son of a bitch could do such a thing... I moved away from his neck so I could look into his eyes. His pretty blue eyes were bloodshot and stared at me like they never had before. "Andy is fine..." I said trying to comfort both of us. "If something had happened to you... I don't know
what I would have done, Noah." I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "Luckily you're here," I commented bringing my lips closer to his. He kissed me hard, holding me against him for what could have been minutes. "Did he do something to you, Noah..." he asked, gently touching the mark he must have had from the slap he had given me. Nick seemed to be holding his breath,
waiting fearfully for my answer. "I'm fine...he threatened me, but he hasn't touched me," I replied, trying to speak to him calmly, trying to show that he hadn't been so horrible, even though he had lived through hell. His thumb gently caressed my cheek again. "I want to kill him," he confessed to me a second later, and I saw hate cross his features. "He's going to spend a lot of time in
jail... that will be punishment enough." Nick pulled me into his mouth, and our lips met in a desperate anguished kiss. As we parted we heard Andrew make a little noise as he moved his little head. He was awake and staring at us. I smiled combing his hair back. "I love you so much I don't even know how to express it," Nick told me, hugging us carefully. The three of us got into bed.
Nick hugging me from behind and Andy asleep next to me. They were never going to hurt my family again.

CHAPTER 58 NICK

Finding out about everything that had happened with Michael and Briar being in another city with nothing to do except catch a plane, had tortured me. I only calmed down when hours later I was able to enter our house. Jenna and Lion were awake, drinking coffee and talking softly when I opened the front door. Everything was calm, there were no policemen and there was no
blood... There was nothing like what I had been imagining in the time it took me to get there. "Where's Noah?" I asked by way of greeting. I couldn't entertain myself with them, I needed to see for myself that the two people I loved most in the world were okay. I went upstairs and first peeked into the baby's room. Seeing that he was not there, I went directly to our room with
nerves on the surface. As I walked in, I let out the breath I had been holding: Noah was asleep, and next to him, our precious baby waggled his legs and arms, awake. I approached with my heart in a fist. Andy was looking up, her pacifier in her little mouth and her little eyes puffy from crying. I picked him up in my arms and held him close to me. They had wanted to take it from us.
Andy made a plaintive little noise and I took him with me to sit on the sofa in front of the bed. "Hello, champ." I greeted him, letting him take my finger in his tiny hand. You've been very brave, son," I said, kissing his cheeks and imbuing myself with his newborn aroma. Andy smiled as if he understood me. I held him close to me and I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my
cheeks. How could they do this to us Briar...Michael...That son of a bitch was going to rot in jail, I'd make sure of it. I looked at Noah, it must have been horrible for her, damn, that should never have happened. Steve should have been here... I should have been here. I was truly grateful for having installed the alarm and that Noah had known how to activate it. If I thought about what
could have happened... The next day, with things calmer, Noah told me everything that had happened with hair and marks. I felt the vein in my neck throb wildly from the way events had unfolded. I was also hurt when I found out that Briar had lost the baby when she was six months pregnant. I never knew, if he had known... It must have been horrible for her to go through it alone.
He had been my son too and when I looked at Andrew I realized that this fact hurt me as much or more than anything else. I felt the need to go visit her. Michael might rot in jail, but Briar was sick. Two weeks after what happened, I went to the center where she had been admitted. She was receiving treatment for depression and bipolar disorder. I always thought that Briar had a
problem that was beyond the understanding of anyone around her. Her life had been similar to mine in that she grew up alone surrounded by babysitters who didn't like her. Her parents seemed to only take notice of her when she came home pregnant and only did so to turn their backs on her. I wished with all my heart that he would recover from what he had suffered. But I would
never forgive him for wanting to take my son from me. When I got to the center they informed me that he was much better. He took his medication and was much happier. When I entered her room, I found her sitting on her bed, reading a book. According to what Noah had told me, when he saw her she had looked battered and scruffy. The appearance of the Briar before her was
neither one nor the other. She was dressed in jeans and a clean, sky-blue cotton T-shirt. Her short hair was tied up in a pretty bun on top of her head and her beautiful eyes looked at me expectantly when she saw me walk in. They had already informed him of my visit. She was waiting for me. "Hello, Nicholas," she greeted me, closing the book and placing it on the nightstand. I went
over to her and asked if I could sit down. "I haven't come to steal much of your time," I explained, not knowing how to express my mixed feelings. She just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened to our son. I never knew what had happened, if I had known she would have supported you in whatever you had decided Briar listened to me with a calm face. "It wasn't in
fate's plans for that baby to be part of our lives," she stated, and I saw her eyes moisten, "but it was precious... I took her hand in both of mine. Her words hurt me. "I'm so sorry," I said, and it was true. I adored my baby and was counting the seconds to return home with him and Noah, but that didn't stop me from being heartbroken that this son of mine hadn't had a chance to live.
"I'm sorry for what I did," she lamented, breaking into the silence. I don't know what happened to me...I...Michael...I thought he loved me, you know He said things...about Noah and about you...I thought... "Now focus on getting better, Briar." I advised him standing up. She looked at me with wide eyes. "Do you think that one day I will be able to be like you? That one day I will have
someone who loves me the way you love Noah..." I chose my words carefully. "I think there's a right person for each of us," I declared, looking into her eyes. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love Noah, you know more than anyone how broken I was inside. So yeah, I think you're in for great things, Briar. One day you will wake up and someone will turn your world
upside down... you just have to wait for your moment. I went to the door and stopped when he called me. "I put your name on it," she said, speaking behind my back. I had to tell you. I took a deep breath and left the room.

CHAPTER 59 NOAH

TWO YEARS LATER...... I had just graduated. Happiness ran through my veins and I couldn't stop smiling. It hadn't been easy, I'm not going to lie to you. Going back to college after having Andrew was very difficult for me. I hated to be away from him, but little by little we adjusted. The obsession I seemed to have had with my baby after they tried to take it from me healed over time,
and with Nick's help I once again felt safe and able to leave it with someone to care for it while I went to class and took off my career. Nicholas had been everything he had promised me and more. He swore to protect my dreams and ambitions and help me not to have to give up anything and so it was. Nick... my beautiful boyfriend who would one day become my husband. We
delayed the wedding until in the end we decided to do it so that we could get married without stress. Andrew was already a little two-year-old man, he drove us crazy but being older we could leave him to his grandparents and take two weeks off to enjoy our honeymoon. I smiled with joy when I received the diploma from the dean of the college and looked around for my two
favorite boys. Nick got up from his seat as I turned contentedly onto the stage. Andy was clapping, sitting on top of Nick's shoulders, his wild hair tousled just like his father's and his beady eyes over something he didn't even understand. My mother and Will clapped happily while Anabel and Maddie smiled my way. Anabel had gotten rid of cancer and had resumed her relationship
with Nick. Maddie still lived with Will, but she spent weekends with her mother. They almost always came to our house, Nick's mom was crazy about Andy and also Maddie. The girl had become a beauty with blond hair and the face of an angel. With her ten years of age she already managed to make people turn to look at her. We all got together at our house to have a small
celebration for my graduation. The whole family and all our friends were there. At one point, taking advantage of the fact that she had left me alone in the kitchen, Nicholas took me by the hand and dragged me to our room. My back hit the door and his lips seized mine with infinite passion and tenderness. "Tomorrow you'll finally be mine, there's no escape, freckles," he said,
kissing my neck reverently. "I'm still in time to leave you standing at the altar," I warned him, laughing. He responded with a strong bite on the shoulder that caused me pain and pleasure at the same time. His hands slipped up my flared skirt and he lifted me up forcing my legs around his hips, squeezing me against the wall. He held me tight, not letting me move. "Explain to me again
that stupid idea about not having sex until we're married." It had been Jenna's idea. She challenged us to spend two weeks without sex so that everything on the honeymoon would be more intense and romantic, according to her. "I don't know what you're talking about," I answered, pulling him towards me and letting him kiss me on the mouth. Our tongues entwined and I moaned
softly as her hand slipped into forbidden places, mercilessly torturing me. "Is this breaking the rules?" she asked. I threw my head back sighing heavily and closing my eyes to enjoy his caresses. "You've always been great at breaking them, I don't know why you're worrying now..." I pointed out writhing under his hand, searching for what my body craved so much. Nick kissed the
upper part of my breasts, while his fingers continued to play with my body. "Come on, love...give me what I want," he said, whispering in my ear. And then there was a knock on the door. Nicholas stopped. I opened my eyes. My agitated breathing, my trembling body. "What the hell are you doing," Jenna's voice said from the other side of the door. Oh shit. "Jenna, go away," Nick
ordered, giving me a pick and setting me on the ground. "As long as you don't come out right now...!" I cursed under my breath, hating my friend with all my might. "Shall we go back to the party," Nick asked, having a great time. -You're an Idiot. I will pay you with the same coin. Nick backed me against the door and stared into my eyes. What makes you think that I'm not suffering
the same or more than you at this moment. A look at his crotch was enough to verify that what he said was true. "No sex until we're married..." "Our parents would be proud." I laughed at his last comment and we opened the door to face our annoying friend. -Mommy! Andy said, holding out his little arms for me to pick up. Jenna had it resting on her hips. Her six month old tummy
was more than visible under her yellow dress. I took my precious baby in my arms and together we went down to the garden of our little house. Lion was watching the barbecue and William was next to him. Both dressed in an apron that said "I love the cook." Jenna's gift, of course she is. Andy jerked out of my arms and I dropped him to the ground. He ran off to the swings where
Mad was waiting for him with open arms, ready to play with her little niece. Nicholas walked over to them. He adored those children more than anyone in the world... I looked around, my whole family was there, all were smiling faces. The next day was going to be a great day.

CHAPTER 60 NICK

I stared at the beautiful woman in front of me. She was so beautiful that I was breathless, she left me speechless... Damn, I was totally knocked out seeing her walk into the church. All our family and friends were there, all the people we cared about had come to see us join in holy matrimony. Noah was excited. Her eyes shone trying to hold back tears. "Yes, I do," I said, pronouncing
each word clearly. "Noah, do you accept Nicholas Leister as your husband, to love and respect him, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" My precious bride smiled and locked her eyes with mine. "Yes, I do," she replied with a shaky voice. "In the name of God and by the power vested in me by the Holy Church, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Hell,
she didn't have to tell me twice. I cupped her cheeks in my hands and we melted into a kiss that took our breath away from her. Our families cheered and I had to force myself away from her. "You're all mine now, Mrs. Leister," I said happier than I've ever been in my life. Noah smiled shedding a tear that I dried with my lips. The celebration took place in front of the sea. The day was
warm, perfect, and Noah was stunning. He had put on a dress that I was going to have a hard time taking off because of how beautiful she was. The white lace fitted her precious body and descended, already converted into tulle, in the form of a puffed skirt from the waist. Her shoulders were bare except for two thin strips of white satin that crossed at the back, enhancing her
beautiful figure. . His freckles stood out more than ever... and he had a spectacular tan thanks to the sun he had been taking days before the wedding: he drove me crazy. "Are you ready to go?" I asked him hours later as he danced with her in the middle of the dance floor. She had asked us to play "Young at Heart," and Noah had cried with emotion when she remembered that
beautiful night a few years before when I showed her what a good dancer she was. It had been the last night we had spent together before breaking up and she had wanted to remember it to emphasize a moment that should never have come to an end for her. Now, four years later, we danced it again, but this time having sworn to love each other forever. Noah looked around for
his mother, who was cradling our little boy in her arms. He had stayed awake longer than any of us had expected. He had run, played, danced and, finally, had fallen asleep. "It'll be fine, Noah," I reassured her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. -It's never been this long without being with either of you... He's going to have a great time playing with Maddie and eating your mother's
cookies. Noah turned his attention back to me and gave me a hearty smile. "I love you so much," he declared, caressing the back of my neck. I leaned down to take hold of his lips. He needed to be alone with her. Already. We say goodbye to the guests and our relatives. When we had to do Andrew, the scene took tearful overtones. The little one woke up when Noah picked him up.
They had dressed him in a tiny morning coat and he was ready to eat it. "My little prince," Noah said, kissing his cheeks, "behave yourself, okay?" I took it from him when I saw my new wife's eyes water. If Andy saw her cry, this was going to turn into a full-blown crying contest. I picked up my baby and lifted him up in the air making him laugh. When I held him close to me, he hugged
me and rested his little head against my shoulder. "Nick...don't you think..." I gave him a warning look. I needed to be alone with my wife. We were not going to take the child, that matter was already settled. My mother came over and held up her hands for me to give it to her. "Go now... This dwarf is in good hands." My mother kissed me on the cheek saying goodbye to her and she
left with Andrew. The crying soon disappeared amid the noise of the crowd and the music. I walked over to Noah, who was looking at the spot where my mother and our baby had disappeared. "Come on," I said wrapping my arms around her. We have to go, freckles. Noah turned to me and forced a smile. "Yeah, we'd better get going." People crowded at the door waiting to say
goodbye. We hurried into the white limousine that would take us to the hotel where I had reserved a bridal suite. It was next to the airport, because the next day we were going to Greece, to the city of Mykonos. He had rented a beautiful house on the beach just for the two of them. We were going to spend a week there and then another in Croatia, in a five-star hotel. She didn't
want Noah to have to worry about anything. The last two years she had only seen her study and take care of our son. She needed this vacation more than anyone and I was going to give it to her in style. When we arrived at the hotel we were greeted with all the paraphernalia of the newlyweds. The room was huge and I had asked for champagne, chocolates and fresh strawberries to
be waiting for us. When we walked in Noah's jaw dropped. "Have you organized this?" "The one about things that can be done with a phone call, right?" I said teasing her and pulling her until she crashed against my body. "Are you ready for me to make love to you until it's time to leave for the airport?" Noah looked at me, his eyes shining with desire. "You said the flight wasn't until
tomorrow at noon." I smiled wickedly. -Exact. We spent the night loving each other without rest. I finally made her mine, with everything that word meant. We undressed vehemently and ate each other with kisses without giving up. His dress was relegated to oblivion, we made love carefully, passionately, tenderly and wildly. We give ourselves over to pleasure only as one can do
when one is truly madly in love. Because if it were a crime to love each other madly... we would plead guilty.

EPILOGUE

EIGHT YEARS LATER.... I closed the garage door with a smile on my face. "Daddy's going to freak out more than ever, Julie," I said to my two-year-old daughter as we walked around the garden to enter our spectacular house. It had not been long since we had moved; Actually, that day was exactly two years old. When we found out we were going to be parents for the second time, we
realized that our little house in the city was too small for us and we decided that the best thing we could do was move to a bigger one, next to the beach so that the children could enjoy the sea and all that it offered. The one most interested in that change had been Nick. My little house in the center had been given to me so that I could continue studying after Andrew was born. In
the end, for one reason or another, we didn't want to leave it until it was unavoidable. Nick was happy to be able to live by the sea again, and I was happy for him. Andrew had become a world-class surfer: at just ten years old he had already competed in the national league and won many trophies, so the move had been a joy for him too. Andrew was a carbon copy of Nick, there was
no denying that they were father and son and, as I stated as soon as he was born, he hadn't even taken the whites out of me. Luckily there was a little person who was practically identical to me: Julie, my daughter, was blonde as the sun and her face was dotted with hundreds of little freckles that made you want to kiss her. Her eyes were the only thing she had inherited from Nick, a
sky blue just like Andrew's. Julie was not born by surprise; What's more, we were looking for her for six long years. As I had supposed, my first pregnancy had been a true miracle, now that I looked back I was sure that God had given us Andy as the only way to get back together. When we found out she was a girl we were overjoyed. Nicholas had a passion for her daughter, but she,
faithful to her mother, did not want to know anything about going into the sea, much less being put on a floating board. My daughter was happy in my arms and I enjoyed spending all my time with her. Andy came home all wet and with his feet full of sand. "Can we have the cake now?" he asked, sitting down at the table and pinching his sister's cheeks. Julie screamed like a
heartbreak and Andrew laughed with that same mischievous expression that he saw from his father so many times a day, especially when we were alone. "When dad comes," I answered. That day Nick was thirty-five years old. I still found it hard to believe how quickly time had passed. It seemed to me that it was yesterday when we walked together along the beaches of Mykonos,
absorbed in each other, eating kisses at night to continue doing the same during the day. I had turned thirty in June and it was hard for me to get used to the idea, too. Nick had asked me not to break the bank for his birthday, he wanted a quiet family night out and I had honored his wishes...sort of. I smiled as I finished icing the cake I'd been baking for him. The children were in the
living room watching cartoons, although Julie's hysterical screams told me that they were probably fighting. I was startled when hands grabbed me around the waist and an incredibly muscular body pressed against my back. "Are you cooking for me, freckles," Nick whispered in my ear, nibbling sensually on my earlobe. "Don't get used to it," I released, leaving the spatula on the table
and turning to receive it as he deserved. "Happy birthday," I said, raising my arms and pulling him in to kiss me on the lips. Nick smiled over my mouth. "No surprise parties," he asked me, moving his hand up my back and caressing me with tenderness and desire. I shook my head. "Just us," I replied forcefully. Nicholas smirked and pulled me tight against his body. A little person
appeared to interrupt us, at our feet, distracting us from our little romp. -Daddy! —Julie called Nicholas, raising her arms high above her so that her father would take her in her arms. Nick reluctantly pulled away from me and picked up his second favorite girl. Contrary to Andy, who she had always loved when Nick threw him into the air and made him spin non-stop, she Julie hated
him. My girl was, in that sense, very prim. Nick kissed her blonde curls and settled it on her hip while he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of wine. In the background, the noise of video games on TV was heard. "How is she, the most beautiful girl in the world?" Nick asked Julie, tickling her. Our daughter laughed, showing her only two teeth and moving her little legs hard for
Nick to put her on the ground. She ran out to find her brother. Nick moved closer to me and kissed me on the mouth again. "Today is going to be a very long night..." he warned me sensually. My stomach fluttered with anticipation, and I forced myself to finish the cake. We had a nice family night, all ate dinner together and sang Happy Birthday to him. Julie applauded like crazy, it
was one of the few songs that she sang without making a mistake, and Andrew enjoyed eating the cake that he had wanted so much to try. As we put the children to bed I took Nick by the hand and led him down to the first floor. "I have a surprise for you," I announced nervously and couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Nick looked at me suspiciously. "What have you done, freckles?
There aren't clowns or something coming out from behind the couch, are they?" I rolled my eyes, that had only happened once. "Come... you're going to love it," I said, opening the front door and stopping in front of the garage. Nick put his hands in his pockets, looking at me between amusement and curiosity. "Ready," I asked biting my lip. -No way! He answered mocking me. I
ignored him and hit the garage button to open the doors. It was a huge garage, where we had a gym and kept many of the children's toys. When the door finished opening, Nicholas's eyes locked on what was before him. -Happy Birthday! I yelled excitedly. "Holy shit..." he blurted out as the only comment. Have you gone crazy?” he said, taking four steps forward. —I told you that I
owed you a Ferrari, I don't forget my promises. Nicholas looked at me incredulously and let out a laugh that filled my chest with joy. He came to me and lifted me into his arms, spinning me around. "I can't believe it..." he admitted, staring at me for a second then frowning. Wait... he put me down and I knew a storm was coming. "Wouldn't you have..." he began to say as I
surreptitiously moved away from him. Tell me you haven't spent the money I deposited in your account on a gift for me. I shrugged. “I told you I didn't want that money. -You are my woman! "And you my husband!" I replied, unable to avoid my delight. —I don't know whether to kill you or eat you with kisses... Tell me, smartass, what do you want me to do to you? I smirked. -I want
to run