Best man speech:

Best man: ||>Erm| ... |>The| ... |the most 'beautiful woman in the ^world?||I 'don't `think so,|ˏmate.||I
'mean, `honestly.||`No,|I'm ↘not being ´ˇnasty.||It's ↘not ˇnasty|to >say|'someone >isn't|the most
↘beautiful woman in the ˇworld,|>and| ... |and she >looks,|you `know| ... |ˆfine.||`Good.||>Ve|...
'very pre`sentable.||'Better than `ever.||'Just >not| ... |'better than ˆeveryone.||´What?||`Sorry,|ˏJane.||
>You've|...|You've ↘not been >thinking|you're the 'most 'beautiful woman in the ˏworld,|´have
you?||
'Why would you think `that?||´Wha'? Have you ↘all gone ˇmad?||She is >not|the most 'beautiful
woman in the `world.||She's 'top `half,|ˎprobably.||>But|...|but ↘that's ´ˇlargely|because of her
↘relative `youth.||`No,|'that's not ´ˇrude.||>There|There's ↗no one in this >room|who's 'anywhere
`near that attractive.||I >mean,|'one of the ´bridesmaids|is 'pretty ´tasty,|but >not,|you ˎknow,|↘world
ˇclass.||
Attendee: ||You're 'not so hot your`self.||
BM: ||I 'never said I `was.||ˇHe said|that ˇshe|was the most ↗beautiful woman in the `world,|and I
just ↘wouldn't want their ´ˇlife together|to 'kick off with a `lie.||
Groom: ||To ˇme,|she's the most 'beautiful woman in the `world,|so 'just get `on with it.||
BM: ||'O`K,|to ˎyou.||ˎRight.||>But|...|But you 'know she's ˎnot,|ˇreally.||'Deep ˇdown.||You're ↘not
´ˇmad.||You 'just ˇfancy her|'more than she's ob'jectively a`ttractive.||'Which is `good.||>That's| ...
|'That's the type who `should be getting married.||'Two >people|who are a 'little bit de>luded|in each
↗other's `favour.||'That's what love `is,|ˏ´isn't it?||`Look!||If the most ↘beautiful woman in the
ˇworld|was 'getting ˇmarried,|'that would be big `news.||The `papers would be here.||There'd been
'cham`pagne,|'not Proˎsecco.||
Attendee: ||'Oh, my ˏGod!||
BM: ||¯I `like Prosseco,|I'm ↗not comˇplaining.||`Look!||↗Why is it 'suddenly ˇrude||for ↗me to
ˇsay|that ˇhe's average-looking,|'she scrubs up pretty >well,|but 'Audrey 'Hepburn she ´ain't;|and
there 'have been ˇweddings|that've been 'more expensive than `this?||We all ↘know these ˇthings;|
¯they shouldn't be a ↘cause for de´spair.||I ↘was gonna tell an ˇanecdote|about when 'he had to run
>naked|through the 'lobby of a ho`tel.||But 'that might provoke ˇsuicide|from >those of you|who
were aˇpparently under the impression|that ↘this was O↘lympus itˇself|and we were >witnessing|
the 'union of the `Gods.||`Yeah,|al`right,|al`right.||'Have a nice `evening.||Was 'I alˎright?||
Groom: ||'Really ˎgood, mate.||'Really ˎgood.||
--
The Simpsons (Mascot Contest):

Homer: ||A ´ˇmascot contest?!||I'm ↘sure to win ˇthat!||Unless ↘one of you ˇjinxes me.||
Marge: ||'No one's gonna ˎjinx you,|´Homer.||In ´fact,|we're `rooting for you.||
Bart: ||ˆYeah!||'Go for the `gold,|ˏdad!||
Homer: ||'Shut >up,|'shut >up,|'shut >up!|| (Some time later.) ||>Well,|you 'said I couldn't ´do it,|but
'here it `is.||'Meet ´Abby,|the O'lympic `tabby.||
Bart: ||'How did you get the `eyes to move?||
Lisa: ||You ↗papier-mâ↗chéd my ´cat?!
Homer: ||'Just for the ˆprototype,|ˏhoney.||'Knowing you always hate my ˇfirst idea,|I pre↗pared a
`back-up.||'How a>bout a|'big Olympic he>llo|for `Springy,|the 'Springfield ˆspring?||
Bart: ||Those 'aren't the ˆdog's eyes,|ˏare they?||
Marge: ||`Hey!||'That's `cute!||
Lisa: ||'Good `work,|ˏdad!||
Homer: ||It's ↗fun for the ↗whole `family|'and the ˇends|are 'razor `sharp|to pro'tect our nation and
its ˆinterests.||
Bart: ||ˆOw!||
Homer: ||'God bless A>merica!||
--
Shawn of the Dead:

Shawn: ||'Come `on,|ˏbabe.||`Oh,|she's enˎgaged.||

Ed: ||'That was ´quick.||
Shawn: ||`Ed,|this is `serious.||(Phone rings) ||`Liz!||
Barbara (Shawn's mother): ||`Shawn!||
Shawn: ||`Mum!||`Hi!||>Em|... |I was gonna `call you.||Are >you|…|Are >you|... |are you 'O`K?||
Barbara: ||`Yes.||
Shawn: ||>Yeah, well|...||Are you ˆsure?||
Barbara: ||'Some `men|'tried to get into the ˇhouse.||
Shawn: ||>Well,|...|are they 'still ´there?||
Barbara: |||I'm 'not ˇsure.||We've 'shut the `curtains.||
Shawn: ||>Well,|did you 'try the po`lice?||
Barbara: ||>Well,|...|I ˇthought about it.||
Shawn: ||>W|...|are you 'O`K?||Did they `hurt you?||
Barbara: ||'No, I'm `fine,|I'm `fine.||
Shawn: ||ˏMum?||
Barbara: ||ˇWell,|they 'were a >bit|`bitey.||
Shawn: ||>Mum,|have 'you been ˎbitten?||
Barbara: ||`No,|but 'Philip ˎhas.||
Shawn: ||`Oh,|'OˎK.||
Ed: ||Has ↘she been ˇ bitten?||
Shawn: ||`No,|ˎPhilip has.||
Ed: ||`Oh,|'OˎK.||
Shawn: ||>Listen, mum,|what 'sort of `state is he in?||
Barbara: ||`Oh!||He's `fine.||Bit 'under the ´weather.||
Shawn: ||I ˎsee.||
Ed: ||ˌWhat's the ˏdeal?||
Shawn: (To Ed) ||We 'may have to kill my ˎstepdad.||`Listen, mum,|'sit `tight,|'O´K?||You're 'not
`safe there,|we're 'coming `over.||
Barbara: ||I ↘don't want to cause a ˇfuss.||
Ed: ||We're 'coming to `get you,|ˏBarbara.||`So|'what's the ˎplan?||
Shawn: ||`Right!|We ↘take ↘Pete's ˇcar,|we drive 'over to ´mum's,|we 'go ´in,|'take care of ´Philip|
('I'm so ˎsorry, Philip),|'then we ˆgrab mum,|we go 'over to Liz's ´place,|'hole ´up,|'have a cup of
´tea|and 'wait for >all this|to 'blow `over.||
Ed: ||'Why've we got to go to `Liz's?||
Shawn: ||Be'cause we `do.||
Ed: ||But she `dumped you!||
Shawn: ||I 'have to >know|if she's 'al`right.||
Ed: ||`Why?||
Shawn: ||Be'cause I `love her!||
Ed: ||'Al´right,|>gay!||I'm 'not `staying there,|ˏthough.||
Shawn: ||'Why `not?||
Ed: ||ˇIf we hole up,|I wanna be 'somewhere fa´miliar,|I wanna 'know where the >exits are|and I
'wanna be allowed to `smoke.||
Shawn: ||'O`K.||↘Take Pete's ˇcar,|'go round ´mum's,|'go ´in,|'deal with ´Philip|(`sorry, Philip),|'grab
>mum,|'go to >Liz's,|'pick her ´up,|'bring her back ˇhere,|have a 'cup of >tea|and 'wait for >all this|to
'blow `over.||
Ed: ||`Perfect!||
Shawn: ||>No,|`no,|`no,|`no,|'no `way!||We 'can't bring them back ˎhere.||
Ed: ||'Why `not?||
Shawn: ||Well, it's 'not entirely `safe,|ˎis it?||
Ed: ||'Mm, `yeah,|'look at the `state of it.||
Shawn: ||'Where's ˎsafe?||'Where's faˎmiliar?||
Ed: ||'Where can I ˆsmoke?||
Shawn: ||'Take >car,|'go to >mum's,|'kill >Phil|(ˇsorry),|'grab >Liz,|'go to the ´ˇWinchester,|have a
'nice cold >pint|and 'wait for >all this|to 'blow `over.||'How's `that for a slice of fried gold.||
Ed: ||`Yeah,|>boy.||
TV Anchorman: ||To >recap,| it is `vital|that you 'stay in your `homes,|'make >no attempt|to 'reach
1

´loved ones,|avoid 'all physical `contact|with the aˎssailants.||

Ed: ||You beˌlieve ˏeverything you hear on TV.||
--
The River:

Tess: ||`Lincoln,|could you `please2 just| …

Lincoln: ||>Uh,|it's 'not really my ´call,|but, >erm,|there's a `fork|up a'head in the ˎriver.||So which
'way should we `go?
Tess: ||`North.||
Kurt: ||`South.||
Clark: ||I >mean,|the 'problem isn't >just|that we 'don't have a ˆlead.||It's that we ↘don't have a
leaˆder.||When ´Emmet was around,|there was 'no `question.||He was `captain.||He 'gave an ´order,|
'everyone `followed.||But `this group,|…|It's 'just a lot of suˆggestions.||I mean, there's 'plenty of
`cooks|'and no one ˎchef.||So was 'that ´your choice|or ˆKurt's to head south?||
Tess: ||'Why would you ask ˎthat?||
Clark: ||`Well,|if ˇKurt made the choice,|'doesn't that >mean|´he's actually in charge?||
Tess: ||`I'm captain.||
--
Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

1 This is not really audible, I am taking it from the script and guessing the intonation from the tail.
2 This should probably be interpreted as the falling head of an IP that was going to have a fall-rise.
ARTHUR: ||`There!||`Look!||
LANCELOT: ||'What does it `say?||
GALAHAD: ||'What `language is that?||
ARTHUR: ||'Brother `Maynard,|'you are our ´scholar.||
MAYNARD: ||It's 'Ara`maic.||
GALAHAD: ||Of `course!||'Joseph of 'Arima`thea!||
LANCELOT: ||' f `course!||
3

ARTHUR: ||'What does it `say?||

MAYNARD: ||It >reads,|“ˆHere|'may be ´found|the 'last ˇwords|of 'Joseph of Arima`thea.||'He who
is ´valiant|and 'pure of `spirit|may 'find the Holy ˇGrail|'in the >Castle|>of|`uuggggggh.”||
ARTHUR: ||´What?||
MAYNARD: ||'... the >Castle|>of|`uuggggggh'.||
BEDEMIR: ||'What is `that?||
MAYNARD: || He 'must have `died |while `carving it.||
4

LANCELOT: ||`Oh,|↘come ˇon!||

MAYNARD: ||Well, 'that's what it ˇsays.||
ARTHUR: ||>Look,|if he was ˇdying,|he 'wouldn't 'bother to >carve|`“aaggggh”.|| He'd 'just `say
it!||
MAYNARD: ||Well, 'that's what's >carved|in the `rock!||
GALAHAD: ||Per'haps he was dic`tating.||
ARTHUR: ||`Oh,|'shut `up!||

3 This is not an accent, but an indication that the vowel has disappeared.
4 This could be considered a case of the compressed fall-rise.