Resistance Strong

Training with Resistance Bands

and your Bodyweight
at Home or on the Road
Disclaimer
While we consider resistance band training to be safe, we disclaim liability
for injury or property damage resulting from training. Consult a medic if you
have health concerns.
Use your head, listen to your body, and train with appropriate caution.
To help make this book stronger, please send your questions, comments,
and flames to pdornier@yahoo.com .
2022 Pascal Dornier. All rights reserved.
Contents
Contents 3
Introduction 5
Safety 9
Back and Biceps 11
Breath 32
Chest and Triceps 33
Strong Feet 48
Legs 49
Traps and Neck 74
Shoulders 75
Abdominals 89
Loaded Carries 97
Isometrics 104
Resistance Training 101 106
Recovery 116
Anatomy 101 121
Biomechanics 126
Protect your Back 128
Training Gear 130
Your Training Program 133
Nutrition 138
Body Image 159
Notes for Big’uns 160
10 Commandments of Goblin’s Gym 163
Laocoon and sons, public domain picture from Wikipedia.
 5

Introduction
Dear reader,
One of the seeds for my 40+ year physical training journey was a picture of
the statue “Laocoon and his sons” in my Latin textbook. I wanted to look
like that ! The title page for this book is a whimsical take on it.
The seed for this book was sown during a Christmas vacation in the
mountains. I packed a set of resistance bands. The book that came with the
bands was quickly set aside as I did not have suitable anchor points in the
small rented studio. I started an intense phase of discovery and invention,
with some skiing mixed in. When I returned home, I could have gone back
to the gym, but didn’t. I continued training with resistance bands,
my own weight, and some isometrics. My body took to this new style of
training like a duck to water.
Friendly Goblins have graciously allowed me to share material from my
earlier book “Goblin’s Gym” with curious Humanlings. Some things may not
sound so sweet to your sensitive ears. What did you expect, a politically
correct Goblin ?
Like “Goblin’s Gym”, this book is meant for readers of all ages. The lifestyle
of children and teens has become far too sedentary. Some resistance training
– whether with weights or with bands – combined with proper nutrition and
regular movement will help build a solid foundation for a long, healthy life.
May this book help you and your Lil’uns grow strong !
Pascal Dornier, 2022.
6 Introduction

Form follows Function

Your body is a shape-shifting marvel.
If you often run long distances, your body will adapt and make your legs,
hips, and lungs stronger. Anything not needed for running will get lighter.
If you lift weights, or apply tension with resistance bands, your body will
reluctantly adapt by getting stronger, and if you really insist, bigger.
If you sit on the couch and munch potato snacks, your body will cheerfully
shift to its couch potato shape.
Where you end up depends on these factors:
 Your training tells your body how it should adapt.
 Your nutrition provides the building materials for the adaptation.
 Your recovery (for example sleep) gives your body time to adapt.
 Your genetics are the blueprint for your development.
If your parents were short Goblins, you probably won’t grow up to be
a tall basketball player. If they were both sprinters, I doubt you will be
the best marathon runner. Just don’t use genetics as an excuse for poor
training and nutrition.
Why should I get strong ?
Being weak is overrated.
 Strength helps in your sport and everyday life.
 Being strong relative to your weight is particularly useful.
 Movement and resistance training helps build stronger bones.
 Muscles make your body sturdier and “harder to kill”.
 Muscle mass can help keep your metabolism balanced and avoid
insulin resistance.
 Strong back muscles help avoid back pain.
 Strength training helps improve your body awareness and control.
Resistance training is the most effective way to get stronger.
 Introduction 7

Why Resistance Bands and Bodyweight ?

When it comes to resistance training, you probably think of a gym filled with
tons of weights and a bewildering array of machines. Traditional weights
certainly have their value – I have trained with them for over 40 years –
but training with resistance bands has many advantages:
 Inexpensive compared to a gym membership or a well-equipped
home gym.
 Lightweight – take them with you when travelling.
 Quiet – train at off hours without disturbing others.
 Time-efficient – Resistance band exercises need little setup time.
If you don’t have time for a full workout, fit in a few exercises
throughout the day as “exercise snacks”.
 Safe – there is no momentum to mess you up. Your muscles have to
work all the way.
 Ergonomic – bands will not constrain your natural movement path,
and work for trainees of all sizes.
 Scalable – resistance bands can cover a wide range from light to heavy
loads.
 Liberating – no need to drive to a crowded, stuffy gym.
 Space saving – no need to give up your garage for a home gym.
 Effective – if you train hard, you will see results !
Beware – you might develop a healthy “latex fetish”…
8 Introduction

Is this for me ?
In short, yes.
I’m too old !
I am 56, and still making gains. It is never too late to start training.
I’m too young !
Tell that to the brothers Giuliano and Claudio Stroe. They started training at
the tender age of 2. Look up their impressive feats of strength some time.
You can do resistance training if you can listen to your own body,
and (at least on rare, special occasions) to teachers.
I suck at sports !
Move more, suck less ?
I don’t have time !
You don’t have time, you take it. Training with resistance bands can be very
time efficient.
I don’t have money for a gym membership !
No need. Start with a set of resistance bands and a pull-up bar.
I don’t have space for a home gym !
A little bit of free floor space is all you need.
Eww gross, I don’t want to get too muscular !
Fear not, it won’t happen. Your idea of “too muscular” may also shift.
Muscles will make me slow !
Look at how muscular sprinters are. Acceleration = force / mass.
Lifting weights will stunt my growth !
Eat right, don’t lift insane weights, don’t use steroids, and you will grow
normally.
I could hurt myself !
Statistics show that resistance training is much safer than running or playing
soccer. You know better than to slingshot yourself with a strong rubber
band, or drop heavy things on your feet, right ?
But isn’t this all horribly complicated and difficult ?
Not really. Read this book, visit the book website www.goblinsgym.com
for videos and other references, and do it.
 9

Safety
Even if you already have training experience, please spend the time to read
“Resistance Training 101” and the following chapters.
Respect the power of rubber !
A slingshot uses a rather small rubber band to throw stones at dangerously
high speed. Imagine the smack that a strong resistance band could give you
when released abruptly, or when it breaks.
 Make sure that both ends of the band are attached securely.
Hold the bands firmly. I recommend training barefoot.
 Other attachment points must be strong enough. Don’t underestimate
your strength. Flying metal parts could really make your day.
 Don't use frayed bands.
 Keep bands out of direct sunlight to avoid premature aging.
 Don't let bands touch sharp edges. Attachment points should be
rounded or padded.
 Don't subject bands to friction against a rough floor, dirty shoes etc.
 Don't overstretch bands in part or in whole. I would not go beyond
2.5 to 3 times of the original length.
 Don't knot bands. A simple girth hitch to attach to a bar is ok.
 If you have a latex allergy, look for latex-free bands.
10

Exercise Descriptions
In the following sections I will describe the exercises I recommend.
Please keep in mind that ideal form is not the same for everyone.
You may have to adjust depending on your anatomy and individual
constraints.
I use the following symbols:
 Do this
 Don’t do that
 Variations
 Things to watch out for
 Things to really watch out for !
 Information on loading
 Stuff of legends
 11

Back and Biceps

Don’t neglect your back, even if you can’t easily see it - others can.
A good balance of pushing (chest) and pulling (back) exercises is important
to keep your shoulders happy and will do wonders for your posture.
Many back exercises also stress the biceps, so you might as well train your
biceps on the same day.
13 Pull-up Bodyweight
15 Chin-up Bodyweight
17 Inverted Row Bodyweight
19 Seated Row Bands
21 One arm Row Bands
23 One arm Pull-down Bands
25 Lat Prayer Bands
27 Isometric Pull-over Isometric
29 Biceps Curl Bands
31 Hammer Curl Bands
12 Pull-up
 Pull-up 13
Muscles: Lats, upper back, biceps, abs
Gear: Pull-up bar

Pull-ups are simple, but hard.

Hang from the bar with your palms facing forward (overhand grip).
Pull yourself up until your chin gets over the bar. Lower under control.
 Don’t hang on your joints.
Keep some tension on your muscles at the bottom position.
 Hands a bit more than shoulder width apart. At the top, your
forearms should be about vertical.
 Keep your feet together or crossed.
 Alternate hand positions (see next page).
 Don’t cheat with momentum or kipping.
Too hard ?
 Hang from the pull-up bar to build your grip strength.
 Hold different positions of the movement.
 Do “Australian pull-ups” (like inverted rows).
 Reduce your weight with a resistance band or your legs.
 Use assistance to go up, go down without (negative reps).
 Practice makes perfect - do a pull-up each time you pass by the bar.
Too easy ?
 Try to pull yourself higher, for example to your clavicles or chest.
 Go down slowly.
 Add a weighted belt to your waist.
For more on calisthenics, read “Convict Conditioning” by
 Paul “Coach” Wade.
14 Chin-up
 Chin-up 15
Muscles: Lats, biceps
Gear: Pull-up bar

Chin-ups are very similar to pull-ups, but make more use of your biceps.
Hang from the bar with your palms facing you (underhand grip), with your
hands about shoulder width apart. Pull yourself up until your chin passes the
bar. Lower under control.
 Don’t hang on your joints.
Keep some tension on your muscles at the bottom position.
 Keep your wrist straight, it cannot pull you up.
Your hand is just a hook holding you.
Too hard ?
 Hang from the bar to build your grip strength.
 Go up with assistance, hold the top position as long as you can.
 Offload some of your weight with a resistance band or your legs.
 Go up with assistance, lower without (negative reps).
 Practice makes perfect – do a chin-up each time you pass by the bar.
Too easy ?
 Go down slowly.
 Add a weighted belt to your waist.
 Go up with both hands, go down with one hand.
 Work up to one-armed chin-ups.
16 Inverted Row
 Inverted Row 17
Muscles: Lats, upper back
Gear: Sturdy table or dip bars

Inverted rows are the little-known twin of the push-up.

Lie down under a table or dip bars. Reach up with extended arms.
Pull yourself up, lower under control.
 Hands a bit over shoulder width apart.
 Feet on the floor or, more difficult, on a chair.
 Don’t be a limp noodle, keep your body straight.
 You can also do this exercise hanging from rings or a suspension
trainer.
Too easy ?
 Hold the top position for a moment.
 Go down slowly.
 Go up with both hands, down with one.
 Try pull-up rows: Hang from a bar, two parallel bars or rings.
Scrunch or lift your legs to move your center of gravity, then pull
yourself up. See below.
18 Seated Row
 Seated Row 19
Muscles: Lats, upper back
Gear: Resistance band

I prefer seated rows over bent-over rows, as they don’t burden your lower
back with the weight of your torso.
Sit down and put your bare feet through the ends of the band.
Hold the middle of the band with your hands at a comfortable distance.
Brace your lower back and row towards your belly button.
 Wide bands are easier to hold when you scrunch up their cross section
like a circle.
 Keep your wrists straight.
 Pull with your back, not your biceps !
 Don’t be a limp noodle, keep your back straight and braced !
 When rowing with heavier bands, you may not be able to pull all the
way to your belly button. Hold the limit position for a moment before
you release. This isometric contraction helps build strength.
20 One Arm Row
 One Arm Row 21
Muscles: Lats, upper back, anti-rotation, grip
Gear: Resistance band, Band Box, handle

This exercise resembles dumbbell rows. It will train not just your back,
but also core stability and grip. Imagine trying to start a monster lawnmower.
Pin the resistance band in the Band Box so the handle ends up near the
roller.
Stand with your left foot on the box. Bend over, brace your left arm on your
left knee. Then row with your right hand towards the side of your rib cage.
 Your forearm should hang straight down, and your wrist remain
straight. Your hands and forearms are just hooks to pull.
 Keep your elbows close to your torso.
 Power should come from your lats and your upper back, not leg drive
or torso rotation.
 Keep your back as straight as possible.
 Full range - at the bottom you may feel a light stretch.
 Let your biceps relax – the load is too heavy.
 Release band tension before you get off the box !
 When rowing with heavier bands, hold the limit position for a moment
before you release. This isometric contraction helps build strength.
22 One Arm Pull-down
 One Arm Pull-down 23
Muscles: Lats
Gear: Chin-up bar or high anchor, resistance band

Pulldowns are good when you are not yet strong enough to do proper
pull-ups or chin-ups.
At the gym pulldowns are usually done with a wide handle, both sides at
once. The machines have a pad to put your legs under, so you can lift heavy
without going airborne. At home it is better to train one side at a time.
Attach the band to a high anchor, such as a sturdy chin-up bar. Get down on
your knees. Grip the band and move back so your lats feel a slight stretch in
the starting position. Pull your elbow down to the side of your torso.
 Turn a little to the side to better target your lats.
 Keep your elbows close to your torso.
 Hold the top position for an active stretch, the bottom position for an
isometric hold.
 Let your lats do the work, not your biceps.
24 Lat Prayer
 Lat Prayer 25
Muscles: Lats, shoulder mobility
Gear: Chin-up bar or high anchor, resistance band

Loop the band over a high anchor, for example a sturdy chin-up bar.
Get down on your knees. Grip the loop ends of the band and move back so
your lats feel a slight stretch in the starting position. Pull your hands down
towards your waist in an arcing motion, keeping your arms straight.
 In the starting position, your torso will lean forward.
 In the bottom position, your torso will be more upright.
 Hold the top position for an active stretch, the bottom position for an
isometric hold.
 Keep your arms straight !
 If the resistance is too much for you, attach the band to the bar with a
girth hitch, and hold just one strand per hand instead of the loop end.
26 Isometric Pull-over
 Isometric Pull-over 27
Muscles: Lats, chest, shoulder mobility, neck
Gear: Bed with suitable cross brace

This exercise lets you train the stretched position.

Lie down on the bed, reach behind you to the cross brace of the bed frame.
Move your body forward as far as you can stretch. Try to pull your hands
up and forward with the combined might of your lats and chest.
 This is an isometric hold, there should be little movement !
 First version: both hands at once, lats and chest. I keep the hands close
together.
 Second version: lie sideways, one hand at a time. This puts more focus
on the lats.
 I do 5 holds of 20 seconds each.
 Contract your abs / obliques at the same time for added entertainment.
 Go easy at first, apply more violence later…
 Be careful about your shoulders.

 Be careful about your neck.

Your head will be pushed down into the mattress.
28 Biceps Curls
 Biceps Curls 29
Muscles: Biceps
Gear: Resistance band, optional EZ curl bar

Step on the band with your feet about shoulder width apart. Hold the band
with an underhand grip (palms up). Curl up, lower under control.
When curling with just the bands, the band may flip over near the top
position. For a smoother movement, I prefer to use an EZ curl bar:
Step on the band with your feet about shoulder width. Run one strand of
the band over the center of the bar. Curl up the bar, lower under control.
 Start with your arms almost straight, with the elbows by your side.
 Your biceps should work, not your hips.
 Your elbows should only move at the top of the movement, if at all.
 Keep your wrists straight.
30 Hammer Curl
 Hammer Curl 31
Muscles: Biceps, brachialis, brachioradialis
Gear: Resistance band

Step on the band with your feet about shoulder width apart. Hold the band
with a neutral grip (palms in). Curl up, lower under control.
 Start with your arms almost straight, with the elbows by your side.
 Your biceps should work, not your hips.
 Your elbows should only move at the top of the movement, if at all.
 Keep your wrists straight.
32

Breath
Strong lungs are vital for your health and performance.
Your lungs pull in oxygen (O2) from the ambient air and expel carbon
dioxide (CO2) generated by your metabolism.
Since breathing is so vital, it continues without conscious control.
The lungs expand to inhale and are compressed to exhale. This is driven by
several muscles. In particular, the diaphragm pushes down on the abdominal
cavity for belly breathing. The intercostal muscles on the inside and outside
of your ribs (together with many others) expand and contract your rib cage
for chest breathing.
When lifting weights, you can help brace your core and lower back
by keeping your lungs under pressure. The diaphragm pushes down on the
abdominal cavity and helps the abdominal and back muscles keep your core
tight.
Pay attention to your breath when you have some time. Many people take
quick, but shallow breaths. Try to breathe slowly. For example:
inhale slowly – wait – exhale slowly – wait – repeat (box breathing).
Your normal breathing should always be through the nose.
The nose filters, moisturizes and prewarms the air you breathe.
Breathing through the mouth should be an exception, for example when you
exhale against pressure while lifting a heavy weight.
Mouth breathing can lead to poor development of your airways
 and jaw, sinus problems, crowded teeth, snoring and sleep
apnea. Learn to breathe through your nose. Consider mouth
taping at night if necessary.
Native Americans were particularly insistent on nose breathing.
One exercise they did was to run with some water in their mouth.
This forces nose breathing, which helps avoids excessive water loss while
running through desert heat.

 Please see the book website for references.

 33

Chest and Triceps

Please don’t try to imitate typical free weight exercises like bench presses
with resistance bands. With bands you can apply tension to the muscles in a
more direct and focused way.
The triceps straighten the elbows and are directly involved in most pushing
exercises. They are bigger than the biceps - don’t neglect them if you want
“big pipes”.
35 Pushups Bodyweight
37 Dips Bodyweight
39 Floor Press Bands
41 Low Press-around Bands
43 High Press-around Bands
45 Triceps Extension Bands
47 Triceps Pushdown Bands
34 Push-ups
 Push-ups 35
Muscles: Chest, triceps, core
Gear: Floor or mat
Give me 10 !
Pushups are a great way to train your chest and triceps. Focus on quality over
quantity – don’t butcher them as often seen in school gyms and dojos all
over the land.
 Hands a bit more than shoulder width apart.
 Keep your elbows angled out slightly from your torso, but not straight
out. You want to train your chest, not your shoulders. Hold your arms
like you would to punch somebody.
 Don’t be a limp noodle – keep your back, hips, and legs in line !
 Keep your glutes and abs tight.
 Full ROM: Touch the floor with your nose, chest, or ribcage, or at least
go down until your upper arm is parallel to the floor.
Go up until your arms are straight. I don’t fully lock out the elbows.
 Don’t shrug your shoulders.
 Palms flat on the floor.
 Martial artists (and those with inflexible wrists like me) do pushups on
their fists, knuckles, or fingers.
Too difficult ?
Place your hands on a table or wall, then the back of a couch, finally the low
seat of a couch, until you can do normal pushups from the floor.
Too easy ?
 Place your hands close together (diamond pushups, more triceps
involvement).
 Add weight on your back.
 Do them intentionally slowly.
 Push off explosively.
 Push up with both hands, go down with one hand (alternate left and
right).
 Try to do one-handed pushups.
36 Dips
 Dips 37
Muscles: Chest, triceps
Gear: Two sturdy chairs or dip bars

Dips are a great bodyweight exercise to train your chest and triceps.
With dip bars, start with a small jump to the top position. With chairs,
start at the bottom. For each rep, lower under control, then go back up until
your elbows are nearly locked out.
If you lean forward, the focus will be on your chest. If you are more upright,
the focus will be on your triceps.
 Be careful with your shoulders.
Don’t do dips if you have shoulder problems.
 Do dips when you are warmed up, not at the beginning of your
workout.
 Don’t go too deep. Elbow around the level of your shoulder is low
enough.
 Keep your shoulders locked.
 Look forward, not down.
 If you don’t have dip bars, two sturdy high-backed chairs work well.
Place them on a non-slip surface and put some weights on the seats for
stability.
 Don’t do bench dips (bench or chair behind you). They are risky for
your shoulders, and don’t allow for a good range of motion.
Too difficult ?
 Just hold yourself in the top and bottom positions.
 Support your knees with a resistance band.
 Let your legs help you up, lower without assistance.
Too easy ?
 Go slow.
 Lift your legs in front of you. This gymnastic position is called an
L-Sit.
 Ring dips are much more difficult, as you have to stabilize.
 Add a weighted belt to your waist.
38 Floor Press
 Floor Press 39
Muscles: Chest, triceps
Gear: Resistance band

Resistance bands don’t constrain your hands like a bar does. To get a better
contraction of your chest, let your hands cross.
Sling the band behind your back, around the bottom of your shoulder
blades. Lie down on your back or lean against a wall. Start with your elbows
on the floor or wall, press up and in. Briefly hold the top position on
each rep.
Alternate left and right hand on top.
40 Low Press-around
 Low Press-around 41
Muscles: Chest, triceps
Gear: Resistance band

The low press-around trains the lower part of your chest and your triceps.
Stretch out the band between your hands with your palms forward.
Sling the band behind your upper back.
Extend and hold one arm forward. Move your other hand in and down.
For more triceps involvement, straighten your arm at the bottom end of the
movement, and hold the contraction briefly on each rep.
Be careful about your shoulders, find a movement path that does not upset
them.
42 High Press-around
 High Press-around 43
Muscles: Upper chest, front delts
Gear: Resistance band

The high press-around lets you target your upper chest very directly.
Stretch out the band between your hands with your palms forward.
Sling the band behind your back around the bottom of your shoulder blades.
Extend and hold one arm forward. With the other arm, move in and up like
an uppercut boxing move. Your elbows should keep their angle, we’re not
training the triceps here. Briefly hold the contraction on each rep.
Be careful about your shoulders, find a movement path that does not upset
them.
44 Triceps Extension
 Triceps Extension 45
Muscles: Triceps
Gear: Resistance band

This exercise loads the stretched position of the triceps.

You can do this exercise lying on your side or standing.
Run the band from right foot to right hand. Lie down on your side,
with your hand starting near your shoulder. Extend your arm.
Let your triceps do most of the work, not your shoulders.
46 Triceps Push-down
 Triceps Push-down 47
Muscles: Triceps
Gear: Resistance band, chin-up bar or high anchor

Attach the band to your chin-up bar or a high anchor. Start with your hands
around eye height. Let your triceps push your hands down and slightly out
until your arms are almost straight.
 Keep your elbows near your torso.
 Your elbows should not move too much, otherwise your lats will
take over.
 Don’t stand too close to the anchor point. Step back and lean forward
for a more effective angle.
 Keep your wrists straight.
 Bonus points for a brief squeeze at the bottom.
 Don’t overextend your elbows.
48

Strong Feet
Bare feet are strong, flexible, and beautiful (maybe a bit dirty at times).
 Don’t wear shoes that squish your toes together, no matter how cute or
fashionable they may be.
 Take out the insoles of your shoes. Can your feet fit on them ?
If you cannot remove the insoles, stand on a piece of thin cardboard.
Draw the contour of your feet, then cut it out. Try to get the cutout
into your shoes. Good luck.
 Tell your Big’uns early enough when it is time to buy bigger “galoshes”
for your growing feet. They don’t have x-ray vision to see how your
shoes fit.
 Go barefoot when you can.
 Lose the socks. Your feet will be plenty warm without them, even on
cold surfaces. Snow feels nice and refreshing (not too long, of course).
 At home, train barefoot.
 Open sandals (for example Teva Hurricane XLT 2) give plenty of
freedom to your toes.
 If you must wear closed shoes, look for minimal “barefoot shoes”
with a wide toe box, thin flexible sole and no heel rise.
 Thick “damping” heels are not necessary and can influence your
running style in a bad way. Your feet, tendons and muscles should
provide all the damping you need once your body has adjusted.
 Try to pick up things with your toes to keep them nimble.
 Don’t take running technique for granted. Runners have a surprisingly
high injury rate.

 Read “Born to Run” by Christopher McDougall to learn about the

Tarahumara Indians, some of the world’s best long-distance runners.

 See the book web site for more reading tips.

 49

Legs
Your legs move you around and should be strong. Training them will require
effort. Embrace the suck, and don’t skip leg day…
51 Air Squat Bodyweight
53 Trap Bar Squat Band
55 Zercher Squat Band
57 Front Squat Band
59 Single Leg Press Band
61 Belt Squat Band
63 Stiff-legged Deadlift Band
65 Hamstring Isometrics Isometrics
67 Calf Raise Bodyweight
69 Banded Calf Raise Band
71 Donkey Calf Raise Band
73 Tibia, Leg adduction, Isometrics
abduction
50 Air Squat
 Air Squat 51
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes
Gear: Floor
Take the time to learn this key movement. Unfortunately, many of us have
forgotten how to squat properly. For perfect squatting form, look at a
toddler (lamb chop optional).
Squat down under control. To always keep the center of gravity over the
middle of your feet, your hip moves back, while your knees move forward at
the same time. While in the deep squat position, your muscles should remain
under some tension. Your hips should be lower than your knee.
Your torso will lean forward a bit. Your lower back should not round.
Stand up with the united force of your hips and quads. Chest and hips
should rise at the same rate. Otherwise, you will lean forward too much,
and put unnecessary load on your back.
 Feet about shoulder width apart, at the same angle as your humerus
bone (otherwise knees or ankles have to twist).
 Look forward.
 Your knees must not cave in – push them out a little.
 Your heel must always remain on the ground.
 Your feet are like tripods, with your weight on your heels and the balls
of the big and small toes.
 Lose the shoes and socks – let your toes spread out.
 Keep a neutral back, not rounded, hyperextended, or hunched.
 Hold your hands in front of you for easier balance at the bottom.
 Try to sit in the squat position for a long time.
 Air squats are a good warm-up, for example 3 x 20 reps.
 Try to come out of the squat explosively – this helps build power at the
bottom position.
 Strong people can do one-legged “pistol squats”, but I would be careful
with them – rounded back, sideways loading of the hips.

 Read “The Squat Bible” by Dr. Aaron Horschig for everything about
squats.
52 Trap Bar Squat
 Trap Bar Squat 53
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes, core, grip strength
Gear: Resistance band, foot plate or Band Box, handles
This exercise resembles the trap bar squat / deadlift with weights.
Run the band under the foot plate or band box. Stand on the plate, squat
down and pick up the handles. Then do the squats.
 Keep your back straight.
 Power comes from your quads and glutes, not your back.
 Don’t let your knees cave in – push them out a little.
 When using the Band Box, shorten the band with a block in the middle.
 Release band tension before you get off the box or let go of the
handles !
54 Zercher Squat
 Zercher Squat 55
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes, core
Gear: Resistance band, optional EZ curl bar
Back squats are not practical with bands. You just can’t get the band in
position with any meaningful load. My favorite to build quads, glutes and
core strength is the Zercher squat.
You can do Zercher squats with just the band. Put your feet through the
ends of the band. Pull up the middle of the band with the crook of your
elbows. I’m afraid the band is quite rough on the skin of your forearms,
so I only do this when travelling.
At home I use a standard EZ curl bar. The curve of the bar nicely fits my
elbows and helps keep the load centered. Again, put your feet through the
ends of the band. Pull up the middle of the band with the bar. Pull the bar
up to your knees, then get your arms in position.
 Keep your back straight !
 Power comes from your quads and glutes, not your back.
 Don’t let your knees cave in – push them out a little.
 Don’t let your shoulders roll forward.
56 Front Squat

[ pending ]
 Front Squat 57
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes, core
Gear: Resistance band, optional band box
Traditional front squats are done with a barbell held in a front rack position
in front of your neck. I don’t have the necessary mobility or pain tolerance
for this, but bands allow me to do an equivalent movement without the bar.
Without foot plate:
Step inside the band loop, feet about shoulder width apart. Squat down, pull
the band first over one shoulder, then the other. Use your hands to pull the
band away from your neck. Stand up and squat back down, taking care to
push your knees out a bit.
Use a 32” band for better resistance at the bottom end.
 Keep your back straight !
 Power comes from your quads and glutes, not your back.
With a conventional foot plate:
Run one strand of the band under the foot plate. Step on the foot plate and
continue as above.
With the band box:
Run one strand of the band under the band box. For better starting
resistance with a 41” band, pull the band up in the center and run it over a
block or the pins. Step on the box and continue as above.
58 Single Leg Press
 Single Leg Press 59
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes
Gear: Resistance band
Lie down, put your right foot through both ends of the band.
Hold the middle of the band with the crook of your elbow.
Support your arm with your other hand. Then do the leg press movement.
To switch to the other side, change the feet first, then your arms.
 Keep your back straight !
 Keep the band as close as possible to your elbow to minimize load
on your arm bones and biceps.
 Don’t let your knee cave in.
The band will exert a slight sideways pull. Keep your leg straight.
 Be sure not to let the band slip off your feet.
Bare feet get a more secure grip on the band.
60 Belt Squat
 Belt Squat 61
Muscles: Quadriceps, glutes
Gear: Resistance band, Band Box, squat belt, handle, carabiner
The belt squat lets you train your quads and glutes without crunching your
spine.
Use a handle and carabiner to connect the resistance band to the squat belt.
Feed the band through the handle, then pin the band into the Band Box.
There should be little slack. It takes a bit of mobility to clip in.
Squat down on the box or clip in while on your knees.
Then do the squats. Hold on to something for balance if needed.
 Save time by doing supersets of belt squats and donkey calf raises.
 Even if there is little resistance at the bottom, go down as far as you
can without rounding your lower back, or lifting up your heels.
 Be careful about band and foot placement.
Asymmetric pull could pull the box out of balance.
 Release band tension before you get off the box !
62 Stiff-legged Deadlift
 Stiff-legged Deadlift 63
Muscles: Glutes, hamstrings, core, grip
Gear: Resistance band, foot plate or Band Box, handles
The original exercise is done with a barbell, but you can get close with
resistance bands. This is an advanced exercise. Read the instructions first,
then watch videos to understand the movement. Start with low resistance.
Run the band under the foot plate or Band Box. Squat down and pick up the
handles, stand up straight.
Then do the stiff-legged deadlifts with your knees almost straight, but NOT
locked out. Lower under the control of your glutes and your hamstrings,
until you feel a stretch in your hamstrings, then come back up.
After the last rep, squat down like you started, and set down the handles.
 Don’t round your back ! Bend at the hip !
 Failure is not an option - use a load that you can control.
Your lower back will thank you.
 To keep your balance and a straight back, your behind must move back
during the movement.
 Your arms hang straight down, with the weight and your center of
gravity always over the middle of your feet.
 Power comes from your glutes and your hamstrings.
 When using the Band Box, run the middle of the band over a block for
better starting tension.
 Your spinal erectors should not move, just keep your back straight.
 At the top, don’t lean back excessively or hyperextend your spine.
 If your form goes bad, stop immediately.
 Release band tension before you get off the box !
64 Hamstring Isometrics
 Hamstring Isometrics 65
Muscles: Hamstrings
Gear: Bed or non-slip floor

It can be tricky to train hamstrings at home. Besides stiff-legged deadlifts,

I recommend isometric training. See the chapter on isometrics for basics.
I do two rounds of this sequence:
1. Lie down on your bed or a non-slip surface. Have your knees almost
straight. Dig in your heels and let your hamstrings try to pull your feet
towards you for 20 seconds. Your feet must not move.
2. Repeat with your knees at a right angle.
3. Place one foot near the knee of the other leg. Let your hamstring and
glutes try to pull the foot towards you.
4. Repeat for the other side.
66 Calf Raise
 Calf Raise 67
Muscles: Calves
Gear: Step, something to hold on to, optional weight

Since you bounce around on them all day, your calves are stronger and have
more endurance than you would imagine.
Stand with your right foot on a step or high threshold. Hold a weight in the
right hand (start without added weight) and hold on to something with the
left hand for balance. Lower into the bottom position under control,
then let your calves drive you back up to the top position.
Repeat to torch your left calf.
 Do 15 to 20 reps per set. Burn, calves, burn …
 Bare feet are strong feet.
 The balls of your feet should be at the edge of the step.
 Don’t crash into the bottom position – your Achilles tendons will
thank you.
 Your calves should be stretched in the bottom position.
Bonus pain if you stay in the bottom position for a second or two.
 More bonus pain with a “squeeze” at the top.
 Keep your knees almost straight.
 Power comes from your calves, not from your quads.
 Progress the weight carefully to let your tendons and feet adapt to
heavy load.
 Do this exercise towards the end of your leg workout.
 Too hard ? Use both feet.
68 Banded Calf Raise
 Banded Calf Raise 69
Muscles: Calves
Gear: Resistance band, foot plate or Band Box, handles

Run the band under the foot plate or band box. Stand on the foot plate,
squat down and take hold of the handles. Stand up and do the calf raises.
 Briefly hold the contraction at the top before lowering.
 When using the Band Box, shorten the band with a block in the middle.
Or just use a heavier band.
 Keep your back straight !
 Release band tension before you get off the box or let go of the
handles !
 For balance, keep your midfoot in line with the band.
70 Donkey Calf Raise
 Donkey Calf Raise 71
Muscles: Calves
Gear: Resistance band, Band Box, squat belt, handle, carabiner
The donkey calf raise lets you train your calves without putting heavy load
on your spine.
Use a handle and carabiner to connect the resistance band to the squat belt.
Feed the band through the handle, then pin the band into the Band Box.
There should be little slack. It takes a bit of mobility to clip into the band.
Squat down on the box or clip in while on your knees.
Lean on something and do the calf raises.
 Your knees should be almost straight, but not locked out.
 Briefly hold the contraction at the top before lowering.
 Save time by doing supersets of belt squats and donkey calf raises.

 Keep the balls of your feet in line with the band.

Asymmetric pull can pull the box out of balance.
 Release band tension before you get off the box !
72 Tibia, Leg Adduction, Abduction
 Tibia, Leg Adduction, Abduction 73
Muscles: Adductors, glutes, tibialis anterior
Gear: Non-slip floor

The tibialis anterior muscles are antagonists of the calves, located on the
front side of your lower legs. Weak tibialis muscles can contribute to the
development of shin splints, a typical running injury.
An easy way to train them is with an isometric hold. Just try to pull up your
toes up as far as you can. Your calves will provide plenty of resistance.
The adductors pull your legs together. Again, isometrics are a good way to
strengthen them. Stand on a non-slip floor with your feet a bit more than
shoulder width apart. Try to pull your feet together for about 20 seconds.
Since this is an isometric hold, your feet should NOT move.
Leg abduction means to pull your legs apart. Stand on a non-slip floor with
your feet close together. Try to pull your feet apart for about 20 seconds.
Since this is an isometric hold, your feet should NOT move.
74

Traps and Neck

The traps (trapezius muscles) give a strong, “yoked” look. Some lifters train
them with endless shrugs. In my opinion, this precious training time is better
spent on developing real strength with heavy carries, deadlifts, rows,
and overhead presses. Balanced trap development will follow.
I also don’t see a need to train your neck unless required for your sport
(for example wrestling). Follow the instructions of your coach for specific
exercises.
Be careful what you wish for - overly thick necks may be linked to breathing
problems during sleep (sleep apnea, commonly treated by sleeping with a
CPAP / Darth Vader style mask).
If you want your neck to be stronger without adding much size, try simple
isometric exercises. Let your neck resist your hand pushing against your head
to the left, to the right, to the front, to the back. Carefully push 10 to 15
seconds in each direction, as hard as your neck can resist without moving.
If your head pops off, please have it sent to me for my collection.
If you still want to train your neck, read “Convict Conditioning 2”
 by Paul “Coach” Wade.
 75

Shoulders
Your shoulders are very mobile to give your arms a large range of motion,
for example to throw a ball.
This mobility makes your shoulders vulnerable. The rotator cuff muscles are
easily strained. When you move the wrong way, tendons can get squeezed
and inflamed (shoulder impingement).
Pay attention to your form, especially on chest / pushing exercises.
Keep a good balance between pushing and pulling exercises. My shoulders
gave me grief for a long time until I started more intensive back training.
I like to start with the rear delts to warm up the shoulder area, then continue
with front delt and finally side delt exercises. The front delts also get worked
on chest exercises, so you may not have to train them all that much.
77 Pull-apart Band
79 High Row Band
81 Overhead Press Band
83 Shoulder Press Band
85 Lateral Raise Band
87 Shrug Band
76 Pull-apart
 Pull-apart 77
Muscles: Rear delts
Gear: Resistance band

The band pull-apart is a simple exercise for your rear delts and shoulder
health.
Hold the band in front of you, with your hands about shoulder width apart.
Let your rear delts pull the bands apart.
 The closer you grip, the more resistance you will get.
 Don’t grip too close, you could overstretch the band.
 To overload the starting position, do isometric holds. Hold a stick in
front of you and try to pull it apart (or just hold your hands together
and try to pull them apart).
78 High Row
 High Row 79
Muscles: Rear delts, upper back
Gear: Resistance band

Stand bent-over. Put your feet through the ends of the band, pull up the
middle with your hands. Pull towards your chest or clavicle, not to your belly
button. The elbows can spread out (as opposed to a seated row, where they
are close to your torso).
 When you pull high (towards the clavicles), the focus shifts from your
upper back to your rear delts.
 To offload your lower back, support your head on something.
 You can also do this exercise seated, like a seated row.
 Keep your back straight !
80 Overhead Press
 Overhead Press 81
Muscles: Front delts, triceps, traps, shoulder mobility
Gear: Resistance band

This exercise resembles the barbell overhead press.

Stand on the inside of the band loop, with your feet about shoulder width
apart. Hold the band with your palms down (overhand grip). Push up your
hands to the starting position in front of your clavicles.
From there, push up your hands until your arms are fully extended.
Lower under control.
 Don’t lock your shoulder blades – they need to move freely.
Your traps will help at the top of the movement.
 Keep your wrists straight.
 Your body may bend back a bit to maintain your center of gravity over
your midfoot. Keep your glutes tight.
 At the top, your arms should be fully extended, with the hands
vertically above your shoulder joint and your midfoot. My shoulder
mobility could be better…
 Don’t excessively arch your back.
 Don’t drive with your legs (that would be a push press).
 Don’t go overboard with excessive resistance.
82 Shoulder Press
 Shoulder Press 83
Muscles: Front delts, triceps, obliques
Gear: Resistance band

Step on the band with your right foot and hold it with your right hand.
Bring your hand up to the starting position near your shoulder. Press up with
your elbow abducted.
 Do a full range of motion, even if there is not so much resistance at
the bottom.
 Your obliques (side abdominals) stabilize your body.
84 Lateral Raise
 Lateral Raise 85
Muscles: Side delts
Gear: Resistance band

Stand with your feet spread out. Run the band from your left foot to your
right hand (palm in). Your elbow should be bent slightly, with your hand in
front of your hip. Raise your arm in an arc until your hand is a little above
shoulder height.
The devil is in the details:
 Focus on pushing your hand out, not lifting it up.
 Initiate the movement with your side delts.
 Start with a light band.
 Bonus points for holding the top position briefly.
 Try different angles to find your sweet spot.
 Don’t shrug your shoulders.
 Don’t lock your elbows - a completely straight arm will stress your
shoulders and elbows.
 Don’t bend your elbow too much – this will lighten the effective load.
 If you go from right foot to right hand, the resistance curve will be
useless.
 To load the stretched position, try an isometric hold: Hold a pin near
your waist, try to pull your hands apart.
86 Shrug
 Shrug 87
Muscles: Trapezius (traps)
Gear: Resistance band, foot plate or Band Box, handles

Run the band under the foot plate or Band Box. Squat on the foot plate
and take hold of the band. Stand up.
At the bottom position, your shoulders should be pulled down, with a slight
stretch on the traps. Let the traps pull up your shoulders,
as if you were pleading ignorance…
 Your traps should do the work, not your arms.
 Try different angles to find your sweet spot. I lean forward just a little
bit.
 Sometimes a lighter band will let you get better results.
 To load the stretched position, try an isometric hold: Sit down with
your knees raised and apart. Let your right hand try to pull the left knee
inward. When you get the angle right, your traps will feel the
contraction.
88
 89

Abdominals
Abs are chiseled in the kitchen.
Seriously – if you want a nice “six pack”, your nutrition is more important
than endless sit-ups or crunches. You can grow abs like a ninja turtle,
but they will only show when you are lean.
The rectus abdominis muscle does just one thing – pull between the bottom
of your rib cage and your pubic bone to stabilize your core, or to round your
spine. Take care to contract your abs, not your hip flexors.
If you do heavy carries, deadlifts and squats, your abs won’t need a lot of
direct training or a large variety of exercises.
91 Ab Crunch, Ab Roller Bodyweight
93 Band Crunch Band
95 Leg Raise Bodyweight
90 Ab Crunch, Ab Roller
 Ab Crunch, Ab Roller 91
Muscles: Abdominals
Gear: Bed or mat, ab roller

You can do crunches while lying on your bed (recommended) or a mat.

Contract your abs to pull up your upper body. A small range of motion is
enough. I like to alternate straight and sideways crunches. Hold your hands
behind your head or in front of your chest. If you dig in your heels a bit,
your hamstrings will keep your hip flexors from crashing the party.
Try stomach vacuums – exhale and let your transversus abdominis muscle
slim down your waist as far as it goes.
The ab roller looks like fun, but your abs should stop giggling rather quickly.
Get on your knees (mat or pillow recommended) and hold the roller with
your hands. Start folded together, carefully roll out until your nose hits the
grindstone floor. If you are strong enough, let your abs pull you back
together. If your abs are still laughing at you, get on your toes rather than on
your knees.
92 Band Crunch
 Band Crunch 93
Muscles: Abdominals
Gear: Resistance Band, high anchor or chin-up bar, pillow

Attach the band to the pull-up bar. Kneel on a pillow. Grasp the bands with
your hands near your ears.
From this position, crunch down. Power should come from your abs,
not your hip flexors.
94 Leg Raise
 Leg Raise 95
Muscles: Abdominals, hip flexors, lats, shoulder mobility
Gear: Pull-up bar

Hang from the pull-up bar, hands with palms facing away from you,
a bit more than shoulder width apart. Pull your knees, or (harder) your
extended leg up.
Try to initiate the movement with your abs.
You can pull your knee up to horizontal, pull your extended leg up to
horizontal, or raise your leg until your toes touch the bar.
Try not to swing with your hips.
96

Grip Training
Your forearms should get plenty of work from heavy carries, pull-ups,
trap bar squats, stiff-legged deadlifts, and rows.
If you want to train your fingers and grip, try the following exercises:
 Hang from a pull-up bar as long as you can. When that gets easy,
hang from kitchen towels, or from one hand.
 Do fingertip pushups.
 Carry a heavy bag by the fabric rather than the handles.
 Knead power putty or dig your hand in a bucket of rice.
 Climb or boulder until your fingers smoke.
For more inspiration, read “Convict Conditioning 2” by Paul “Coach”
 Wade.
 97

Loaded Carries
Carrying heavy loads is a very simple, yet strenuous exercise. It will stress
most muscles of your body at the same time, and get you warm in no time
flat.
99 Farmer’s Walk Carry
101 Fireman’s Carry Carry
103 Rucking Carry
98 Farmer’s Walk
 Farmer’s Walk 99
Muscles: Most of them
Gear: “Heavy things”

Farm Goblins already know the drill. Pick up two heavy buckets filled to the
brim with a fragrant, steaming pile of you-know-what, and carry them
wherever they are supposed to go.
Pick up the weights, walk for a set distance, or as far as you can. Then set the
weights back down. Rest a bit, then carry on.
 Stand between the weights.
 Don’t bend down - squat down to lift them up. Don’t jerk.
 Despite the heavy weight in your hands, stand as tall and proud as a
little Goblin possibly can.
 Look forward, not down.
 Keep your back straight at all times !
 Keep your arms straight !
Your hands and arms are just hooks to hold the weight.
 Don’t let your shoulders round forward.
 Don’t shrug your shoulders – waste of energy.
 Take small, smooth ninja steps.
 The more you bounce, the harder it will be to hold the weights.
 Your grip will probably give out first. Plan where you can put down the
weights without messing up your cave floor.
 You can progress to heavy weights on this exercise. Aim to carry half
your bodyweight in each hand. Strongmen walk with 150 kg in each
hand.
 Suitcase carry – carry a weight on one side only. As you need to
stabilize, you cannot carry as much weight. This will train your obliques.
100 Fireman’s Carry
 Fireman’s Carry 101
Muscles: Most of them
Gear: A friend or sandbag

Firemen (and women) must be strong so they can carry victims to safety.
This exercise is very simple – carry a friend “piggyback” or slung over your
shoulders as far as you can.
 Keep your back straight.
 Piggyback is quite easy, carrying somebody on your shoulders more
difficult.
 Bonus points for climbing stairs.
 Carry feet first to avoid hitting your friend’s head somewhere,
and have one or both hands free.
 Avoid going down stairs with added load. You don’t want to go down
“ass over teakettle”, and your knees probably won’t like it.
 The strong Goblins of yore carried the take of their hunt such as wild
pigs or bulls (dead or alive) on their shoulders. At least that’s what the
legend says. Please take a shower afterwards.
102 Rucking
 Rucking 103
Muscles: Legs, glutes, core, traps
Gear: Heavy backpack, music IV

Rucking is a workout by itself. Just take a walk with a heavy load.

A 40 kg wheel of cheese won’t fit in my refrigerator or my calorie budget.
I carry some less nutritious concrete pavers in a backpack instead.
I pad them with an old towel to protect the pack and my back. Some water
bottles or a sturdy bag of sand or gravel will also work.
 Keep your back straight. To maintain your balance when carrying a
heavy load, you will lean forward, but your low back must not round.
Bend at the hip.
 Keep your shoulders straight, resist the pull of the load.
 Don’t pull your shoulders forward or shrug them up.
Don’t hold the straps with your hands.
This wastes energy and makes it harder to breathe.
 Be careful when going down steep grades or stairs. Soft knees -
let your quads do the work.
 Other writers recommend starting with 10% of your bodyweight.
Your school bag probably weighs more than that, use it as a starting
point. When the load gets heavy, your traps will feel it. Embrace the
suck.
 Sherpas in Nepal often carry more than their own weight on rugged
mountain paths. They hold their heavy burden in a basket hanging from
a strap around their forehead. This takes a strong, well-trained neck,
but it is easier to breathe thin mountain air and move their arms than
with a backpack this heavy.
104

Isometrics
You can train without equipment by pushing or pulling against unmovable
objects or your own body.
What isometrics are good for:
 Get stronger without adding much size or weight.
 You can target specific joint angles to get stronger in “sticking points”
of conventional exercises.
 You can directly train holding strength, for example your wrists or your
neck.
 When you don’t have much time or equipment. Combine isometrics
with body weight exercises if possible. Let the world be your gym -
you can do isometric holds almost anywhere and anytime.
How to do isometric holds:
 Apply force gradually, not abruptly. Hold as hard as you can for 5 to 30
seconds. Release. Repeat as desired.
 There should be no movement ! Your muscles may shake a bit.
 Breathe normally, don’t hold your breath.
 Mind your joints, don’t apply force in crazy positions.
Examples:
 Hold your arms together in front of your chest. Let your chest muscles
push your hands together as hard as they can. You can also try to
squeeze the steering wheel when stuck in traffic.
 Waiting in line ? Stand on a non-slip floor, with feet about shoulder
width apart. Try to pull your feet apart or push them together.
 Put your hands flat on a table. Let your triceps push them down
against the table.
 Kneel on your bed or a mat. Lean back until your quads feel a stretch,
support yourself with your hands behind you. Let your quads try to
pull you back up. If you did make it back up, you just did a
Nordic Squat.
 Take a towel and try to “rip it apart” in different positions.
 Isometrics 105
Use your imagination, there are many possible exercises. I mention isometric
variations for some of the exercises.
Gotchas:
 Vary the joint angles that you train. You will gain the most strength
around the angle you trained. Isometric holds in a stretched position
are particularly useful.
 Go easy at first, see how your body reacts. Be careful with smaller
muscles or abs, you could strain them.
 Given the considerable forces that you can develop, proper position
and bracing is important to protect your back and joints.
 Be careful with “unmovable objects”, you may be stronger than you
think …

 Read “The Ultimate Isometrics Manual” by Paul “Coach” Wade.

106

Resistance Training 101

The same basic principles apply, no matter whether you train with your
bodyweight, resistance bands, dumbbells, barbells, or machines.
With resistance bands, some rules change - please read the entire chapter !
Progression
In ancient Greece there was a legendary wrestler, Milo of Croton.
There are many stories about his amazing strength and interesting eating
habits. One of them sticks out:
He is said to have started lifting and carrying a newborn calf every day,
until he was lifting a full-grown bull four years later. *
This is progression, the corner stone of strength training. Start with a
manageable load and add more in small steps as you get stronger.
Small steps ? After four years, one extra pound per week will add up to 200
pounds.
* Critical voices say that he then proceeded to eat his training partner.
Repetitions
Each time we do a specific movement is called a repetition or rep.
 We lift the weight from the bottom position (muscle extended)
to the top position (muscle contracted). This is called the
concentric or positive movement.
 Then we let the muscle resist the weight as we lower it back down
under control. This is called the eccentric or negative movement.
Your muscles are significantly stronger in this direction.
Breathing
For most exercises, breathe in while you lower the weight, breathe out
while you lift it back up. You can breathe out against pressure to help brace
your core and stabilize your back. Please do not hold your breath
(Valsalva maneuver) unless you are an advanced lifter.
 Training 107

Tempo
Exercise tempo refers to the pace of movement.
 Normal speed. Maybe a bit more than a second each up and down.
 Slow speed. This naturally happens when you strain to lift a heavy
weight. You can also lower the weight intentionally slowly to make an
exercise harder (slow negatives).
 Fast speed. This can make an exercise easier, as momentum lets you
cheat past sticking points, and there will be less time under tension.
A pause at the top or bottom can make an exercise more challenging.
Sets
A set consists of multiple reps done in a row. After each set, we take some
rest before starting the next set. For most exercises, we do multiple sets:
 First, we do one or two light warm-up sets to wake up the muscle.
For heavy lifts, do additional warm-up sets with increasing weights.
 Then we do one or more heavier work sets to challenge the muscle.
I usually do two to four work sets for each exercise.
Rest Periods
The rest period between sets is important. Your muscles need some time to
restore their energy supply. You may also have to catch your breath and let
your heart rate slow down.
For light exercises, you will be ready for the next set soon. For heavy
exercises, you will need more rest. Powerlifters training for maximum
strength often take very long rest periods. Most others should train at a
faster pace.
I sometimes pace my workout with a stopwatch to keep up training density
and stay focused. I start a new set every 45 to 90 seconds for light exercises,
and every 2 to 3 minutes for heavy exercises. I write down the rest periods
so I can compare my performance over time.
If you have time to mess with your Weapon of Mass Distraction (phone),
you may be resting too long. I have more effective finger exercises for you.
108 Training

Workout
What will a good workout look like ?
 You can warm up with a few minutes of moderate activity such as
running, biking, skipping rope, or light bodyweight exercises -
whatever gets you going, but does not tire you out.
 Do heavy exercises early in the workout before you are fatigued.
 Then do other, less demanding exercises.
 You can stretch at the end of the workout, but not at the beginning.
Then get out of the dungeon, feed your inner beast, and rest.
Intensity
Bust yours to kick theirs.
Effective training will be hard. We need to train with sufficient intensity to
tell our bodies to adapt.
We strive for failure to succeed. “Good failure” means that we cannot do
another repetition in good form. As a beginner, don’t push too close to
failure. To avoid injury and excessive fatigue, we usually stop 1 to 3
repetitions before this point (repetitions in reserve).
For me, a good level of intensity gets me breathing hard at times and leaves
me “pleasantly tired” at the end of the workout, but not beaten down.
Stimulate, don’t annihilate.
Frequency
Frequency refers to how often we train a muscle group.
After training, a muscle is tired and weaker. During recovery, it is rebuilt
stronger. After a few days it will be time to train it again. If you train a
muscle too often, it cannot recover properly. If you don’t train it often
enough, your body will start to shrink the “unnecessary” muscle by the time
you train it again.
Beginner workouts should not be all that taxing, and you should recover
quickly. Frequent training will give you more opportunity to practice good
lifting technique.
I recommend training each muscle group at least twice a week.
 Training 109

Training Volume
How much should we train ? Is more always better ?
The total number of work sets per work-out, per muscle group, or per week
indicates the overall training load. Warm-up sets are not counted, as they are
not much of a challenge. Training scientists refer to different levels:
 Maintenance Volume (MV) is the training volume needed to
maintain your current strength and size. Good news, your body loves
stability. It usually takes very little to keep up what you have achieved.
But remember - use it or lose it !
 Minimum Effective Volume (MEV) is the smallest training volume
that will give you appreciable gains. Bad news, your body loves stability.
If you pussyfoot around with timid training, not much will happen.
You need to send a stronger message to get things moving.
 Maximum Adaptive Volume (MAV) is the volume that gives you the
fastest growth over time. Considering the accumulation of fatigue,
I prefer to stay below this point. If you train more than this, you will
get less growth for more sweat. Why kill yourself when you can get
better results with less effort ?
 Maximum Recoverable Volume (MRV) is the highest training
volume that your body can recover from. If you train more, you risk
overtraining and injury, or just getting sick. Your body will tell you
when you get there.
110 Training
These levels will change over time. As you get stronger, your MEV will
increase. As fatigue builds up, your MRV will come down. Adjust your
training volume as needed.
Talking of killing yourself – you can get your muscles to break down by
training with ridiculously high volume and mess up your kidneys in the
process (Rhabdomyelosis, indicated by brown urine).

 “Scientific Principles of Hypertrophy Training” by Dr. Mike Israetel.

 Training 111

Form
Form refers to how an exercise is performed. To learn a new exercise:
 Look at the drawings and read the exercise descriptions.
 Watch videos showing correct form. You can find a collection at
www.goblinsgym.com .
 If possible, let a professional trainer or experienced lifter coach you.
 Let a friend observe you and watch them. Or film yourself,
then review the video. Your movement should be consistent from rep
to rep, not “all over creation”.
 Try to find the “groove” that is comfortable for you, and properly
trains the intended muscle. Sometimes small changes can make a big
difference. Let the weights / bands and your body teach you.
 Always let the target muscle initiate the movement. If you want to train
your biceps with curls, don’t initiate with a hip bounce.
 Use a realistic load (not too light, not too heavy) to really feel the
movement.
 Try not to learn too many exercises at once.
 Practice makes perfect.
Keep in mind that individuals have different proportions. Your ideal
movement may not look the same as it does for others. Some exercises may
not work well for you, or even risk injury. Then you will have to find an
alternative.
112 Training

Range of Motion
For each exercise, there is a possible Range of Motion (ROM). For example,
some squat down completely (“ass to grass”) and stand up completely
(knees locked out) at the top. Others only use a partial range. Opinions are
strongly divided on what is best.
Dr. Mike Israetel (Team Full ROM) says that exercises should always be
taken through a full and consistent range of motion.
Jason Gallant recommends training the muscles, not the joints. Exercises
should be performed through the most effective ROM with constant
tension. He usually avoids the ends of the range.
My advice ? Listen to your body.
Young trainees may feel like they are made of rubber and steel.
Please heed these things to avoid future problems:
Always lower the weight under control. Don’t “dive bomb” to the
 bottom position. The negative movement is valuable for growth.
 Don’t go too far at the bottom. The load should remain on the target
muscle, not transfer to other muscles or your joints and ligaments.
 For many exercises it is perfectly safe and beneficial to get your muscle
into a stretched position. Be careful when your muscles are at a
mechanical disadvantage at the bottom.
 Don’t be a jerk - accelerate back up in a controlled fashion. If you can
throw it up, maybe you need more weight on the bar. Intentional
explosive movements can be useful if they are done under control.
 At the top end (muscle contracted), don’t go so far that other muscles
(such as the shoulders) take over to finish the movement.
 My elbows and knees tell me that they are not fond of locking out or
hyperextending. Be particularly careful if you have hypermobile joints
that can extend beyond completely straight.
 Locking out the joint at the top offloads the muscle you want to train.
Stop just short of this point for more constant tension. The opposite
can also be true at times, this brief pause can enable you to handle a
heavier load.
 Don’t hyperextend or excessively arch your back on deadlifts or
overhead presses.
 Training 113
 Train with a consistent ROM so you can compare your performance
over time.
 If you cannot perform a reasonable ROM at the start of a set,
the weight is too heavy.
 Grinding out partial reps at the end of a set can be OK, if you don’t
use other muscles to cheat.
Confused ? Welcome to “Team Good ROM” …
Cheating
In real life, exercise form will not always be as crisp and pristine as what you
see in textbooks and videos. It is easy to demonstrate perfect form with
lighter weight. As you get closer to your limit, there may be conscious or
unconscious changes to form.
As you get more experienced, there can be reasons to deviate from official
form and use some applied violence. For example, when I do heavy
dumbbell rows, I use a bit of momentum to forcefully pull the weight up to
my chest. On the way down, I lower the weight under control, getting good
loading on the negative movement. I still get a full range of motion.
Strive to perform exercises with good, repeatable form. When you “cheat”,
it should be conscious and under control.
How much Weight ?
The heaviest weight that you can lift for one repetition is called your 1RM
(one repetition max). The more repetitions you do in a set, the less weight
you can handle. If your 1RM for an exercise is 100, you might be able to do
5 reps with about 90, 10 reps with about 75, or 20 reps with about 60
(see the table at www.strengthlevel.com). Actual percentages vary from
person to person, and from muscle to muscle.
With lighter weights, it takes many repetitions to reach failure. Your muscles
will start to “burn” well before they (or more likely, you) give up.
As a beginning lifter, do not test your 1RM. The injury risk is too high.
Leave lower reps with heavy weights to experienced lifters. Stay in the range
of 8 to 15 reps for “heavier” exercises, and 12 to 20 reps for “light”
exercises.
While it can be fun to chase big numbers, remember that weight is just a tool
to gain strength and size, not the goal itself. Olympic weightlifters and
powerlifters are an exception, but they should have a coach watching them.
114 Training
As a beginner, start with lighter weights, and focus on good form.
Once you have mastered an exercise, you can challenge yourself.
For the first work sets, I usually stick to a constant number of reps,
and don’t try to reach failure. When I fail to reach the target number of reps
on the last work set, I will try to lift the same weight for more reps in the
next workout.
If I reach or exceed the rep target on the last work set, I will increase the
weight next time. Don’t get greedy – increase the load in small steps, even
if you feel that you could handle more. You will find your limit soon enough.
It is normal that you will not be able to do as many reps with the new,
heavier weight. If I increase the load by 10%, I will probably have to go
from 12 down to 8 or 9 reps. Work back up to a higher number of reps and
“own” the weight before you increase it again.
Tracking and Planning
Even beginners should keep training records. Can you remember what you
lifted last week ? I can’t, so I write it down. This lets me track my progress.
Look back after a year to see how far you have come.
Proper Prior Planning Prevents P*** Poor Performance
Instead of doing a random collection of exercises, I plan each workout in
advance, either in the morning or just before the workout. This does not
mean that I slavishly follow this plan. I write down:
 Date of the workout
 Name of the exercise, together with the weight and number of
repetitions to aim for based on the last similar workout.
 As I train, I write down the actual weights and reps lifted.
 I also note whether the weight felt about right (~), try for more weight
next time (+w), try for more reps next time (+r) etc.
 (optional) I also note the rest period or interval. @120 = start every
120 seconds.
 Training 115

How about Resistance Bands ?

The above was written with conventional weights in mind. When training
with resistance bands, some rules change:
 Bands weigh almost nothing, so there is no momentum to mess you
up, or to cheat with.
 Form still matters. Expect pain if you load your joints in strange
angles.
 Bracing and posture may be even more important, as you can build up
to heavy loads that you would not dare to touch with weights.
 Fast, explosive movements can be useful for some of your training.
They are safe if you maintain decent form.
 The negative movement does not have to be as controlled as with
weights.
 The resistance is variable, lowest at the bottom, and highest at the top
of the movement. This means that failure is more gradual than with
weights.
 I prefer to train with a higher number of reps (mostly between 12
and 20) than I would with weights. Higher loads don’t allow me to get
enough range of motion.
 Even if there is little resistance, I still recommend going to the bottom
end of the movement.
 If the resistance is too high to reach the top end position, try to hold
the limit position for a short moment before releasing. This isometric
contraction helps build strength.
 It is difficult to load the bottom, stretched position with resistance
bands. Consider alternatives such as isometrics and bodyweight
exercises as a complement.
 My training log is more concise, but I still track what bands I used, and
whether I feel I should reduce, maintain, or increase the load.
116

Recovery
Besides hard training, you also need to recover to build muscle.
Let me introduce you to two little heroes living inside you.

The inner squirrel

The squirrel is all “go go go”. It will relentlessly pursue the acorn of its
dreams, or zip around a tree trunk in blatant disregard of gravity.
The inner sloth
The sloth is very laid-back, a master of rest and recovery. It will hang off its
cozy tree branch, only moving to feed or – about once a week – visit the
bathroom at the bottom of its tree.
Best frenemies
You would expect that they would be bitter enemies. Not so – deep down
they know that you need both. Without the inner squirrel driving you,
life would be boring, and your training ineffective. Without the inner sloth,
you would not know how to rest.
And rest you must if you want to recover and grow.
 Recovery 117

Vitamin Z
Let me list all electrical and electronic devices that you need for a good night
of sleep:
 Light switch
I understand the almost inescapable draw of free unlimited Wi-Fi, but you
just don’t need the excitement when going to bed.
Some more thoughts on sleep:
 Many Big’uns say that kids need 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night.
Get as much sleep as you can, but keep in mind that sleep quality is
just as important as quantity.
 Go to bed and wake up at a consistent time.
 Your alarm clock should be a backup. If you time your sleep right,
you should wake up a little before the infernal time bomb goes off.
If it gets you all the time, go to bed earlier.
 Kids may not take up much space, but they can be quite heavy relative
to their surface area. Don’t rely on standard weight recommendations -
try a mattress on the firm side.
 Hammocks are overrated. Your mattress should be supported by a
solid surface, not something springy and supposedly compliant.
When sharing your bed with others, their weight will deform a flexible
support in ways that your back may not appreciate.
 You don’t have to spend a fortune on nesting material. I sleep well on a
DIY platform and an inexpensive pocketed coil mattress from Aldi.
 Pick the right blanket for your body temperature. I cover up with a
light fleece blanket and wash it weekly. Time to make the bed:
almost zip. Spend the time on training instead …
 Find the right pillow (probably on the thin side, or none) to keep your
neck happy.
 Reading in bed ? You sit enough all day – lie down on your belly to give
your back and neck a little workout.
 Naps aren’t just for babies. A 20-to-30-minute nap can renew your
energy. Set a timer so you don’t end up in deep sleep.
 Be careful about eating or drinking too close to bedtime.
118 Recovery

I don’t feel like training today...

The hardware is willing, but the software is weak.
Look inside yourself. Is your inner sloth smothering your inner squirrel ?
Do you feel sick ? Then take a day (or week) off.
Are the muscles you want to train still sore ? Wait another day, or train with
lighter weights. If this happens often, add a rest day, look at your nutrition,
or just go a bit easier.
Are you constantly beat down ? Then it may be time to deload – do a week
of light training – or even take a week or two off completely.
Otherwise, “shut up and lift”. Go light or stop if it doesn’t feel right, but
don’t be surprised if this turns into a great workout after all.
Oh no, I missed a Workout...
When you get in the right groove, your body will often be itching for the
next workout. If anything, you may have to restrain your inner squirrel
so you can recover properly.
Sometimes life gets in the way of your well-laid devilish plans.
If you missed a day, just do the planned workout a day later.
If you missed training for a longer time, restart with lighter weights.
Fear not - your strength will come back very quickly.
Headed for a vacation ? Unleash the squirrel and bust ass the week before
(overreaching). Then enjoy active rest. Try not to be a Nudnik and go along
with family activities proposed by your Big’uns occasionally.
Or do nothing until it hurts.
Voluntary Hardship
To get good results, you must be consistent. Don’t expect magic to happen
from a few workouts. It takes years of work and progression to achieve great
things. You are not entitled to a strong, healthy body - there is a price of
admission:
 Recovery 119
 Regular, hard, sometimes repetitive training.
 Consistent nutrition.
 More rest, less screen time.
 Be “uncool” at times, keep doing your thing.
Besides getting stronger, you might develop some old-fashioned qualities
in the process:
 Grit
In hard training, you push the edge of your comfort zone. The last few
reps near failure are the hardest – but they are the ones that count the
most. Grit can take you far in life.
 Persistence
After your easy initial gains, progress will not always be so steady.
There will be “high gravity” or off days. Ease off a bit, then progress
again. Keep pushing on.
 Resilience
If you train, eat, and recover right, you should not be as susceptible to
the usual sniffles.
A bit of cold exposure can also help. If your body never has to work
to regulate your temperature, it will eventually lose this skill. Our
ancestors did not live in caves with central heating and A/C.
Why wait for warm water in the shower ? The room temperature water
in the pipes will wake you up, and get you wet just as well. Warm water
will come when it is good and ready. Finish with cold water for bonus
refreshment.
When it is cold outside (say around freezing, not Siberia), I don’t
always bundle up. For a brief excursion outside, my t-shirt will be just
fine. The family steed will protect me from wind and warm up
eventually. I take a jacket with me, just in case.
When I bike, will be out for long, or when there is wind, I will put on
more clothes. Misery, frostbite, or hypothermia are not part of my
program.

 Read up on “Iceman” Wim Hof for icy chills.

120 Recovery

Pain and Suffering

That, which does not kill me, hurts. (not quite Nietzsche)

Effective training can be uncomfortable. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Good pain:
 Muscles can “burn” when you do a lot of repetitions (accumulation of
lactate).
 Muscles can get sore, often starting about a day after the workout
(DOMS = Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness). Soreness is more likely
when you change your program. After a while, your body adapts, and
will not get sore as quickly. While you don’t have to chase after
soreness, it is a sign that you are doing something right. You can train
your upper body when your legs are sore. Being completely inactive
may slow down recovery.
 The skin of your hands also needs to adapt. Over time you will get
some callouses. Wear them with pride.
Bad pain:
 If you feel sharp, acute pain during an exercise, STOP immediately.
 Low back pain can be caused by poor exercise form or poor posture.
Did you round your back, instead of keeping it straight as you should ?
 Tendons can get inflamed (tendonitis). This develops over time and
may be caused by excessive volume or overload. Poor nutrition could
also contribute to this.
 If your joints feel unhappy, look at your exercise form. Use your joints
in their natural motion. Don’t load them sideways or twist them under
load.
If you are injured: train what you can, carefully move what you cannot train.
I avoid painkillers. Even small doses are bad for the liver, and masking pain
can lead to further injury.

 Fallen Goblins should read “Rebuilding Milo” by Dr. Aaron Horschig.

 121

Anatomy 101
Learn about your anatomy to make your training more effective and safer.
Explore your body: Flex individual muscles, or push / pull against resistance
to see and feel which muscles are active.
The coordinated teamwork of your muscles, bones and tendons moves your
body. Muscles often have multiple functions and work together.
Each muscle has two ends, the origin, and the insertion. The origin of the
biceps is at the shoulder. The insertion of the biceps is just below the
elbow.
Muscles can only pull on the tendons connecting them to bones, not push.
The biceps contracts to bend your elbow. The opposing triceps contracts to
straighten the elbow, while the biceps relaxes.
Muscles consist of many thin muscle fibers working in parallel. Take a
close look at the texture of a piece of meat – you see bundles of muscle
fibers. Depending on how much force is needed, your nervous system tells a
different number of fibers to contract.
When a muscle contracts, the muscle fibers shorten. The muscle will bulge,
as the volume of the fibers remains the same.
Muscles convert chemical energy into movement. For the strongest
contractions, the energy supply only lasts for a few seconds. It takes some
time (seconds to minutes) for the muscle to “recharge” and be ready for
another maximum effort. Lighter loads use a different energy system with
better endurance.
Tendons are like cables and connect muscles to your bones. Kangaroos can
hop very well thanks to their long, elastic tendons that store and return a lot
of energy. Your tendons are not quite as springy, but still help you save
energy when you run or bounce around.
Tendons are very strong but adapt and heal more slowly than muscles.
Give them some time, don’t be in a hurry to get too strong too fast.
Joints like your elbows or knees connect different bones like a hinge.
Be kind to them.
Ligaments bind your joints together. Torn ligaments are quite common in
joint injuries, and often force athletes to retire. Don’t be one of them.
122 Anatomy
 Anatomy 123
This is greatly simplified – medical students must learn anatomy details for
years.
Your neck muscles (1) keep your heavy noggin upright and protect the
sensitive cervical spine.
Your front shoulder muscles (2, deltoid muscles or delts) help lift your
arm overhead and contribute force for pressing movements like the bench
press.
Your lateral (side) delts (3) lift your arms sideways.
Your biceps (5) bend the arm at the elbow joint.
Your forearms (8) include many smaller muscles that move hands and
fingers.
Your hands and fingers are complicated structures that can move with a
light, precise touch, or hold heavy weights with a crushing grip.
Your pectoral (4, pecs) or chest muscles pull your arms together in front
of you. They originate at your breastbone (sternum) and insert on your
upper arm bone (humerus).
If you are lean, the anterior serratus (6) muscle shows up as a sawtooth
pattern. It pulls the shoulder blade to the outside and holds it close to your
back.
Your rectus abdominis (7, abdominals or abs) and oblique muscles (9)
are always there, even if they are covered up by a layer of fat. They help
stabilize the core of your body and are important for proper bracing when
you lift heavy weights.
The transversus abdominis (TVA) muscle is hidden beneath your abs and
pulls in your tummy. It is important for bracing and helps with exhalation.
The quadriceps muscles (10, quads) at the front of your upper legs
straighten your leg at the knees.
The tibialis anterior (11) muscle at the front of the lower legs bends your
ankle and lifts your toes.
Finally, we have your feet. They are another complex marvel, easily able to
support your weight (and then some).
For more details on your muscles, and how they are used and targeted
 in weight training, read “Strength Training Anatomy” by Frédéric
Delavier.
124 Anatomy
 Anatomy 125
Your neck muscles (1) go all around the neck.
The upper trapezius (2, traps) muscles straighten your neck, and move
your shoulder blades up and together.
The posterior deltoid (3, rear delt) muscle pulls back your arms.
The triceps (4) extends your arm at the elbow and helps stabilize the
shoulder.
The rhomboids (5) pull your shoulder blades together and hold them close
to the back.
The latissimus muscles (6, lats) make your back “wide”. They are
important for climbing and rowing movements, pull down the shoulders,
and bend your trunk sideways.
The spinal erectors (7) are a group of muscles that straighten your back
and protect your sensitive spine.
The gluteus maximus (8, glutes) are some of your largest muscles.
They straighten the hip, and allow you to stand or walk.
The hamstrings (9, hams) bend your legs at the knees, and help straighten
the hip.
The calves (10) pull your heel up for walking or running, or to get on your
tippy toes. They pull on the Achilles tendon, a vulnerable spot not just for
ancient Greek heroes.
Finally, your feet have many smaller muscles to support standing and
walking.
126

Biomechanics
Your body works like a system of pulleys and levers.
As an example, let us look at a biceps curl. Assume that your upper arm
remains vertical, and your elbow stays locked in place. Your hand holds the
weight, and moves in a semi-circle around the hinge, your elbow. Your
forearm acts as a lever. The weight always pulls down vertically to the
ground.
Near the bottom position, the weight
moves almost parallel to the ground. The
weight is mostly hanging from your elbow.
Your biceps only need to contribute little
force to start the movement.
Most muscles are strong in full extension.
However - please look closely at how the
biceps tendon attaches to the forearm.
The lever arm between the tendon
attachment and the rotational axis of the
elbow is very small. The biceps are at a
mechanical disadvantage in this
position.

At the 90-degree position, your forearm

is parallel to the ground. Your biceps
have to support the full weight.
As the tendon attaches close to the
elbow, you have something like a 1:10
lever.
Your biceps pull up with 10 times the
force to hold the weight up.
 Biomechanics 127
Near the top, your biceps only need to
pull up about 70% of the weight. The
biceps are a bit weaker in this contracted
position.
Since you are not a Stick Goblin with
zero-inch arms, you can never fully make
it to the top. The forearm will push
against the biceps, and the lever of the
tendon attachment also doesn’t help.

Barbell preacher curls on an inclined

bench can be risky.
At the inclined angle the starting load is
about half of the actual weight. The
problem is that you start the movement
with straight arms, with the biceps at a
mechanical disadvantage.
Given the heavy load on the biceps
muscle and tendon, muscle or tendon
strains or tears are a real risk for stronger
lifters.
What to do ? Don’t use the full ROM on
this exercise.

Good exercises (or machines) will apply more load where the muscle is
strong, and less where it is weak.
128

Protect your Back

Your spine or backbone is a flexible column made of bone segments,
the vertebrae. It goes up from your tailbone to your neck. Besides
supporting your body, the spine also protects your vulnerable spinal cord,
the primary bundle of nerves going down from your brain.
Between the vertebrae, you have rubbery discs and small joints. They make
the spine flexible. When you stand straight with a neutral back, you can
support heavy weights. If you round your back while lifting or sitting too
much, the discs can get squeezed, or even slip.
How can you keep your back healthy and strong ?
In everyday life:
 Watch your posture. Don’t round your shoulders forward – it is harder
to breathe that way. Stand tall, don’t slouch. When your pelvis is tilted
forward just a little bit, there will be more room for your internal
organs, and your spine does not have to curve as much.
 Don’t sit too much and try to vary sitting positions. Try sitting on the
edge of the chair – difficult to slouch that way.
 Your neck and eyes were not made to look down on a miniature screen
all the time. Hold your phone out in front of you to avoid getting the
infamous “digital native vulture neck”.
 To lift things from the floor, squat down and let your strong legs and
glutes do the work, instead of rounding your back. Or bend over with
a straight lower back, and let your hips and hamstrings do the work.
 Wear flexible pants that give you freedom to move. Try a deep squat
before buying.
 Drink enough water. Dehydration can be bad news for your back and
joints.
 When you lie down on your bed, stretch out. Maximize the distance
between your feet, your butt, your upper back, and your head.
Don’t be shy to also spread your shoulders and buttocks sideways.
 The early morning is a bad time to put heavy load on your spine.
Your discs will be full of fluid and may not compress as much as later
in the day.
 Protect your Back 129
When you work out:
 Keep your back neutral, not rounded.
 Don’t overly arch your back, for example on deadlifts or overhead
presses.
 Avoid twisting or bending your spine under heavy load.
 Do exercises that strengthen your spinal erectors and your upper back.
 Learn to brace with your abdominals and proper breathing.
 Don’t increase training loads too quickly. Let your grip be the limiting
factor, not your back.
 Don’t do too many heavy exercises like squats, deadlifts or loaded
carries in one workout. Instead, spread them out over multiple
workouts.
Heavy exercises are not necessarily “the” back killer. You can also hurt
yourself on abdominal exercises etc.
See the book web site for additional references on posture and your
 spine. Good posture may seem old fashioned and “uncool” at first,
but it will pay off in the long run.
130

Training Gear
When training with resistance bands, you can get started with a minimal
investment.
Resistance Bands
You should get a full set of 41" loop bands (104 cm when laid flat) to do the
exercises shown in this book. The best bands are made of multiple layers of
natural latex. Most are 4.5 mm thick. The resistance of a band is
proportional to its cross section (width * thickness). The actual resistance
tends to vary quite a bit. Try to get all bands from one supplier to get a
reasonably predictable progression of resistance.
Typical band widths and colors – this can vary depending on the supplier:
Yellow 0.25" 6.4 mm Weak, but useful as incremental
resistance.
Red 0.5" 13 mm
Black 0.75 or 7/8" 19 or 22 mm
Purple 1.25" 32 mm
Green 1.75" 44 mm
Blue 2.5" 64 mm
Orange 3.25" 83 mm
Grey 4.0" 101 mm Serious latex fetish…
Combine bands to progress the load in small steps. For example, combine
black + yellow to get a 1" wide band, green + red for 2.25" etc.
For smaller people, shorter 32" bands could be an interesting addition
(available for example from Serious Steel).
Accessories
Carpet
This helps protects your floor and bands. I use an inexpensive carpet from
Ikea (134 x 198 cm).
Handles
Suitable handles make it easier to pull on heavy, wide bands. Not so easy to
find. I will let you know on the book website when I find good ones.
 Training Gear 131
Ab Roller
The ab roller is a wheel with two handles. It is an inexpensive gadget to train
your abs. Harder than it looks ! Find it at sporting goods stores or online.
EZ Curl bar
The squiggly shaped bar is an inexpensive, wrist-friendly addition for curls,
and will literally save your skin on heavy Zercher squats.
Door anchor
I don’t use this, but this inexpensive accessory can be an option to create
attachment points for bands. These anchors are wedged into door openings.
They are only as strong as the door.
Pull-up / Chin-up Bar
A pull-up bar mounted in your doorway is a good way to exercise and will
keep Big’uns from entering your cave without bowing down politely first.
Just don’t bounce around too hard on them, they don’t always hold up.
Look up “pull-up fails” on YouTube…
A suitable rafter will also do. Round or pad edges to protect your finger
tendons or attach a sturdy steel pipe to it.
If you have more space and silver, there are nice wall-mounted “monkey”
chin-up bars that allow different hand positions.
Foot Plate
When the load gets heavy, the bands can exert strong sideways force on your
feet. A good foot plate lets you avoid this issue.
You can buy one or build your own by adding stand-offs to a sturdy piece of
plywood. Round the corners to protect the bands.
Band Box
The Band Box is my own invention, a more advanced foot plate. It uses four
rollers to redirect the bands without friction, allowing side and center pull.
It supports a working load 160 kg per roller, which should be enough for
most people. The band can be fixed by pins in different positions.
132 Training Gear

Things you don’t need

 Fancy shoes. You don’t need shoes to lift at home. Your bare feet will
enjoy the freedom and grow strong, too. Resistance bands are less
likely to slip off bare feet.
 Fancy clothes. Any flexible, comfortable clothes such as gym shorts
and a T-shirt will do. In the comfort of your cave, you can also do
without: “No shoes, no shirt, less sweat”.
 Gloves. Grow some callouses and wear them with pride.
 Lifting straps. I don’t recommend them for beginners.
“If you can’t hold it, don’t lift it.”
That said, straps can be useful when your back becomes stronger than
your grip. Only use them for the heaviest sets. I use a clone of
Versagripps, easier to use than traditional straps. So far I did not need
them for my resistance band training.
 Lifting belt. It will not magically protect your back, only when you
breathe and brace properly.
 Hamster mills (also known as cardio equipment). You can walk, run,
jump, bike, swim or climb without them. I find treadmills particularly
despicable - they gobble up electricity to move the belt while you walk
or run on them. If you really want to get something, I suggest a good
quality rower (for example the Concept 2). It uses most muscles, can
be used by trainees of any size, and will swiftly transform you into a
puddle of sweat if you row hard enough.
 133

Your Training Program

134 Your Training Program
You’re probably wondering why this page was blank.
I’m afraid my crystal ball is broken. I sent it back to the factory for
recalibration many times. It still cannot predict tomorrow’s price for pork
bellies, so how do you expect it to understand something so wondrous and
complicated as your body ?
Do you want somebody else to tell you what to do ?
What could possibly go wrong ? Either not much (ineffective light training),
or you could try to follow some crazy WOD (workout of the day),
and injure yourself.
Take control !
There is no “perfect” program for everyone. Try, learn, adjust. If you fall,
dust off your cap and get up again. To get on the right path, ask yourself the
following questions.
When and how often do you have time to train ?
When can you regularly carve time out of your busy schedule ?
Science says that training in the afternoon or evening is more effective,
but the most important thing is consistency. One thing to keep in mind –
please don’t apply heavy load to your spine first thing in the morning.
Are you playing other sports ?
Plan your workouts so they don’t interfere with your practice sessions.
How much time do you want to spend ?
Start with short, but frequent and regular workouts. When the latex bug bites
you, step it up.
What equipment do you have ?
Please look at the chapter “Training Gear”.
Do you have any physical limitations / weaknesses ?
If you have problems somewhere, you may have to avoid certain exercises,
or emphasize others.
What exercises do you like doing ?
If you are good at something, this may be a strength worth developing
further. Keep things balanced. For example, do both pushing (chest) and
pulling (back) exercises to keep your shoulders happy.
 Your Training Program 135
What exercises do you dislike ?
There can be exercises that just don’t fit you well. Try to find alternatives
that work for you. Just keep in mind – some of the exercises that you hate,
can be the ones that you need the most.
Full Body Training
Beginners are often given programs where they train all body parts in each
workout. I find that this makes for overly long workouts.
Body part splits
At the other extreme, some lifters train individual muscle groups on separate
days. I don’t like these “bro splits”, as the muscles don’t get trained often
enough. I would rather stimulate a muscle group with a reasonable volume
twice a week, than blast it into oblivion once a week.
How many exercises per body part ?
Up to you. Try to pick exercises that are not too similar. You can alternate
exercises between workouts, have workouts A and B.
How often should I change things up ?
If you change your training too often, it will be hard to track whether you
make progress.
Exercise “snacks”
You can take a break from your work by dropping on the floor for a set of
push-ups or do a chin-up each time you pass by the bar.
You won’t get much of a warmup. Be like a tiger - they can pounce on their
prey at any time.
Daily movement
Resistance training is great, but getting some daily movement is important.
Modern life is way too sedentary for our own good. Some options:
 Walk. Many coaches recommend a 10-minute walk after each meal.
 Run (if your feet and knees agree with it).
 Bike instead of taking the car. My commute to work takes about 15
minutes by car, or 22 minutes by bike. Cardio exercise does not get
more time-efficient than that.
 Carry heavy things.
 Do some good old-fashioned physical work, for example in the garden.
136 Your Training Program
Still lost ?
See some example workout patterns below. Start with fewer exercises,
add on once you master them. Feel free to change things around, but try to
keep things balanced.
Bodyweight Program
If you have no equipment at all, go to the nearest playground and get busy:
Air Squats
Calf Raise
Push-ups
Dips
Pull-ups / Chin-ups
Inverted or Pull-up Rows
Abdominals
Bands and Chin-Up Bar
Add minimal equipment, and your training gets more varied:
Upper = Back, Chest, Arms A workout B
Inverted Row or Pull-Up Row Seated Row
Pull-down or Lat Prayer Pull-up / Chin-up
Floor Press Floor Press
Low Press-around High Press-around
Triceps Extension Biceps Curl
Hammer Curl Triceps Pushdown
Optional rest day
Lower = Legs, Shoulders
Zercher Squat
Single Leg Press
Calf Raise
Band Pull-apart
Overhead Press
Hamstring Isometrics
Abdominals
Rest day
 Your Training Program 137

Program with full Equipment

If you have a foot plate or Band Box, you have more options for leg training.
Do one of these challenging workouts per day. On weekends, I have more
opportunity to recover, and my inner squirrel gets restless. Then I train the
upper body in the morning, and the lower body in the evening.
Another interesting alternative is to train with resistance bands during the
week, and lift weights at the gym during the weekend, when you have more
time and the gym is less crowded.
Upper = Back, Chest, Arms A workout B
Isometric Pull-over or Lat Prayer Seated Row
Inverted Row or Pull-up Row Pull-up / Chin-up
Floor Press One-Arm Row
Low Press-around High Press-around
Triceps Extension Biceps Curl
Hammer Curl Triceps Pushdown
Optional rest day
Lower = Legs, Shoulders A workout B
Zercher Squat Trap Bar or Belt Squat
Single Leg Press Standing or Donkey Calf Raise
Band Pull-apart Band Stiff-Legged Deadlift
Overhead Press High Row
Shrug Shoulder Press
Hamstring Isometrics Lateral Raise
Abdominals Ab Roller
Rest day
138

Nutrition
Your nutrition has a big influence on how you feel and develop. If you want
to look and perform like an athlete, maybe you should eat like one ?
Important Note
If you have food allergies or other medical conditions, please discuss dietary
changes with your doctor or dietitian. There are many individual variations,
one size does not fit all. Just a few keywords of what can go wrong:
lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance / celiac disease, food allergy
(for example peanuts), diabetes, histamine intolerance, fructose
intolerance, sensitivity to fermentation in the gut, irritable bowels …
I cannot see what happens inside you or give you a set meal plan. You must
take control. Learn and think about nutrition and find out how you feel after
eating (or not eating) certain foods.

 See references and additional comments on the book web site.

You are what you eat
Everything that makes up your body comes from what you eat and
drink.
You can’t pull nutrients out of thin air. By extension, you are what your prey
ate. If the animals you eat were fed garbage, they will pass it on to you.
SAD Nutrition
Look around you – obesity, diabetes and heart disease are all too common
among Big’uns. Way too many kids need braces and don’t breathe properly,
as their jaws did not develop properly to leave space for their teeth.
Cavities in your teeth may be a sign that you are not getting the minerals you
need. Was this nature’s plan for us ? I doubt it.
Food should nourish you, not leave you ravenous or sleepy afterwards.
SAD ? “Standard American Diet”. Chances are that the new generation will
not live as long as its ancestors. Don’t be a part of this statistic.
 Nutrition 139

Modern Times vs. Tradition

It is impossible for scientists to determine what is the best nutrition.
Experiments are not practical. They would take too long – years or decades -
and are difficult from an ethics point of view. You cannot knowingly feed
people a harmful diet. There is an alternative: observe what has worked in
real populations, and what didn’t.
In the 1930s, dentist Dr. Weston A. Price undertook expeditions all over the
world - not an easy thing to do back then - to explore the dental health and
bone structure of many different tribes. He found that people eating a
modern diet often had dramatically worse teeth and facial structure
(which influences breathing) compared to those eating their traditional,
ancestral diet. He pinned the blame on micronutrients deficiencies (mainly
vitamin D, activator X = vitamin K2, calcium, phosphorus, etc.).
He may have underestimated the influence that breast feeding and chewing
tough traditional food have on the development of the jaw. Nose breathing
and good oral posture may be additional pieces of the puzzle.
For example, the traditional lifestyle in the Swiss mountain valley of
Lötschental included the following:
 Sourdough rye bread. This was often stored for months, think
“oversize hockey puck”. Chewing this hard bread gave the jaw a good
workout.
 Cheese and fresh dairy. Plenty of minerals and fat-soluble vitamins.
 Veggies and some potatoes – whatever they could grow on their
meager soil.
 A little meat, maybe once a week. They could not afford to waste
anything, so they probably ate “nose to tail”, not just choice cuts.
 Plenty of mountain sun, no vitamin D deficiency there.
 Plenty of hard farm work on steep mountainsides.
 Mineral-rich spring water.
By contrast, people down in the main valley ate soft, white bread, sugary
jams, and the like. They brushed their teeth religiously, but guess who got the
cavities and crooked teeth ?

 Read “Nutrition and Physical Degeneration” by Dr. Weston A. Price.

See the book website for a link to an electronic version.
140 Nutrition

Food as Fuel
Our bodies are amazing chemical factories. We can extract energy and
building materials from a wide range of foods. When old cells are broken
down, the amino acids and fats they are made of are recycled. Even waste
products such as lactic acid are converted back into glucose that your body
can use. Nothing to eat ? Your body can convert fat into ketones to fuel your
energy-hungry brain and convert fat and amino acids into glucose
(gluconeogenesis).
Macros
Short for macronutrients. These are the nutrients that we consume in large
amounts (tens to hundreds of grams per day). Your food is composed of
these main components:
 Protein
 Carbohydrates
 Fats
 Fiber
Micros
Short for micronutrients. They are vitamins and minerals that we
consume in small amounts (micrograms to grams per day).
For example, if you don’t get enough vitamin C, you could develop scurvy.
Without sufficient vitamin D, your bones will not grow properly (rickets).
I will make the bold assumption that you will grow better if you get an
ample supply of essential nutrients from a nutrient-rich diet.
Energy balance
Food gives us energy to live. This energy is usually measured in calories
(kcal). We use energy to:
 Just stay alive and warm (BMR = basal metabolic rate).
 Do everyday activities (NEAT = non exercise activity thermogenesis).
 Exercise (EAT = exercise activity thermogenesis).
 Nutrition 141
 Digest food – some energy is needed to digest what you eat
(TEF = thermic effect of food).
 Grow – just your normal growth, or growth stimulated by your
training.
There is a balance between the energy we take in by eating, and the energy
we use in our daily life.
If you don’t eat enough, your body will slow down your metabolism to save
energy and break down body fat (good) and eventually muscle (not good)
for energy. Once you have used up all reserves, you die from starvation.
If you eat just enough, your weight will remain stable.
If you eat more than you need, your body will speed up your metabolism a
little bit, invest some energy in growth, and squirrel away the rest as body fat
to keep you warm through the next snowstorm or famine.
Today snowstorms are countered by central heating, and famines are rare
with food depots overflowing with “nutritious” choices.
It is a fine line… Fortunately, your body will tell you what you need, if you
haven’t forgotten to listen to its signals.
There is a famous nutrition study done by pediatrician Dr. Clara M. Davis.
She let a group of young children decide by themselves what and how much
to eat from a selection of healthy foods. While their choices were not always
what Big’uns would put on a menu, the kids instinctively ate a well-balanced
diet when averaged out over time and thrived very well.
Overfed, but undernourished
Your body will try to get the essential nutrients that it needs. Not enough
protein, essential fats, vitamins, or minerals ? You will be hungry for more.
If you eat processed food that is energy dense, but poor in nutrients,
you will have to eat an excessive amount to get essential nutrients, and get fat
in the process.
Energy density ? I could demolish a 100g bag of potato chips rather swiftly
and be ready for more. Eating 700g of boiled potatoes would give me the
same amount of energy (but more nutrients) and leave me stuffed.
If you eat real food that is dense in nutrients, but not in energy (such as
meat and vegetables), you will probably be healthier and leaner. Your choice !
142 Nutrition

Healthy Bodyfat ?
While too much body fat is considered unhealthy, and can hinder your
athletic performance, trying to be too lean is not desirable either. Males can
stay healthy at a very low bodyfat percentage. Females need a bit more body
fat to maintain a normal menstrual cycle.
Keep in mind that individual builds vary greatly. Don’t let simplistic numbers
like the body mass index (BMI) drive you crazy. According to this
formula, I am slightly overweight at times. As a lifter I take this as a personal
challenge – add more muscle to qualify as obese …
If you have a sturdy frame with some Troll blood mixed in, please don’t try
to turn into a skinny Elfin doll. Stay fit and find your own sweet spot that
lets you feel and perform well.
As a growing Goblin, try not to get fat, but don’t obsess about having a
shredded six-pack all the time either. Your body will grow better when you
don’t starve it. If you want to get ripped, you can do so later. An old
bodybuilder saying goes:
You can’t polish a pebble.

Inertially Challenged ?
If you really do have excess inventory to lose: Always get a generous supply
of protein and sufficient essential fats to allow for growth of lean body
mass. Reduce the overall energy consumed just a little below your stable or
maintenance point. For long term fat loss, try to lose around 0.5% of your
bodyweight per week. Slow and steady wins the race.
Lift weights regularly to tell your body that you want to keep your muscles.
If you train as hard as you should, fat losses could be offset by muscle gains.
Ignore short-term weight fluctuations ! Do not change your diet based on a
single weighing. Your weight can vary quite a bit depending on your bowel
contents, hydration, glycogen storage, salt etc. Get on the scale each morning
after your first visit to the “loo” and calculate a weekly average.
Be very patient and trust the process !
 Nutrition 143

Exercise to lose Weight ?

How much energy would it take to lift a ~ 40 kg / 90 lb Goblin from sea
level to the top of Mt. Everest ?
400 N x 8848 m ~ 3.6 MJ
This is equivalent to just one kilowatt hour of electricity, or about 860
calories. The energy in less than three pounds of body fat would be enough
to lift our hapless Goblin to the edge of space (about 100 km up, assuming
you have a suitable bean stalk and oxygen mask handy).
Your body is not 100% efficient, but that’s a lot of climbing to lose a little bit
of weight. Activity is good, but I hope you will agree with this saying:
You can’t out-exercise a bad diet.
Instead of doing hours of slave labor cardio exercise, eat sensibly and lift
weights to build muscle, which will raise your base metabolic rate and use
energy all the time.
144 Nutrition

Eat to grow ?
To add muscle, your body needs:
 Protein
 A little bit of fat
 Some energy
 Water
If your body thinks that it is starving, it will not expend scarce energy on
growing muscle that will use up even more energy. It will be more willing to
grow when you are in a slight energy surplus.
If you find it difficult to get enough energy in, you can take in more energy-
dense fats, and drink calories (for example, whole milk + protein powder +
some fruit + a little nut butter).
Keep in mind that growing muscle is not a fast process. If you overeat
consistently, you will just add more fat. Muscle tissue contains surprisingly
little energy - lean turkey breast contains just 1100 calories per kg.
Again, slow and steady wins the race.
 Nutrition 145

Protein
I love animals – they’re delicious. (seen on a bumper sticker)

Your body cannot thrive, and certainly not grow muscles, bone, and skin,
without a sufficient supply of essential amino acids supplied by protein.
Active people should aim for 1.5 to 2g of protein per kg (0.7 to 1g per lb)
of body weight.
Protein provides 4 calories of energy per gram, but it takes a lot of energy
to digest it. Your body will use amino acids as building blocks first, as they
are not an efficient energy source.
Good protein sources include:
 Meat (most species, preferably grass fed, not processed or cured -
even better if you have to chew a bit, or gnaw it off the bone)
 Fish (often rich in good Omega 3 fats)
 Eggs (whole, for example as scrambled eggs)
 Milk, cheese, yoghurt
 Lentils, beans, peas
Protein sources that I avoid:
 Processed meat (some consider the added nitrates a cancer risk)
 Pork (they don’t get the best feed – you are what your prey ate)
 Soy (some consider soy to influence hormone balance)
 Protein bars (expensive candy, witches brew of ingredients).
 Ready-to-drink protein (expensive, rarely the best quality protein,
packed with preservatives and other nasties).
Protein first - include a protein-rich food with every meal.
If you cannot get enough protein with your regular meals, drink a good
quality protein powder mixed with water or milk.
 Whey protein digests quickly, for example before or after training.
Casein / milk protein digests more slowly and may be better at night.
 Vegans should consider a protein blend, for example, pea + rice
protein. Single component vegetable proteins usually don’t include all
essential amino acids in the right proportions.
146 Nutrition

Carbohydrates
Carbs (short for carbohydrates) are easy to digest, and give quick, but not
always long-lasting energy. Each gram of carbs provides 4 calories of energy.
Carbs are not essential – your body can thrive without them.
Your body can only store limited amounts of carbohydrates in the form of
glycogen. A Big’un can store about 100g in the liver, and about 500g in the
muscles. Glycogen is a heavy fuel, as each gram of carbs is stored with about
3 grams of water.
A good time to eat carbs is after your training, when your muscles are ready
to refill their depleted glycogen stores.
If you take in too many carbs at once, your blood sugar will go too high.
Your pancreas will release insulin to promote storage of carbs into your
muscles or for conversion into fat. Then your blood sugar level could crash,
prompting low energy and hunger. This is one roller coaster I don’t like to
get on. I prefer carbs that are low density and slow digesting.
Good carbs include:
 Vegetables
 Fruit and (sparingly) fruit juice
 Potatoes
 Milk sugar (lactose) contained in milk – if you tolerate it.
 White or brown rice *
 Lentils, beans, peas *
 Oatmeal * * see the section about antinutrients
Carbs that I avoid or minimize:
 Sugar, dextrose, corn syrup etc.
 I eat few grain-based products such as bread, pasta or pizza.
 Carbs combined with fat, such as French fries, potato chips and sweet
baked goods. Food manufacturers tend to use cheap, low-quality fats.
They are usually extra yummy and extra fattening. It is just too easy to
overeat on these highly processed foods.
 Nutrition 147

Fats
If olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made from ?
Fat is a very dense energy source – each gram provides 9 calories of energy.
A single pound of fat can keep you going for about two days. Even a lean
person – say 10% bodyfat – still has plenty of energy in reserve.
Kids can metabolize fats at a faster rate than most Big’uns, comparable to
well-trained athletes. Maybe this is a superpower you should try to keep ?
Besides protein, we need essential fatty acids to survive. Omega 3 fats are
particularly important for your health and brain development. Omega 6 fats
are also considered essential, but they should be in a reasonable balance to
Omega 3 – usually we get more than enough.
Good fats:
 Fat from fish (high Omega 3 content)
 Fat from meat (preferably grass fed)
 Fat from whole eggs
 Milk fat (butter, milk, cheese, preferably raw and not homogenized)
 Extra Virgin Olive oil
 Avocado and coconut
 Nuts and nut butters (use sparingly, like a condiment). Read the labels:
peanut butter should be made of peanuts and salt, nothing else.
 Seeds such as sunflower, pumpkin, flax seed. Watch out for phytic acid
(see the page on antinutrients).
Fats that I avoid:
 Hydrogenated / hardened oils like margarine and shortening.
They are pure evil, a source of harmful trans-fats.
 Vegetable oils like peanut, sunflower, canola etc. They are heavily
processed and considered by some to promote inflammation.
They contain Omega 6 fats that we get more than enough of.
 Most fried foods, as they are typically made with the cheapest fats.
I use butter and olive oil for my cooking. I don’t deep-fry anything.
148 Nutrition

Fiber
Your gut: Resistance is futile – you will be assimilated.
Fibers: Keep trying…
Food fiber is a form of carbohydrates that is not easily digestible and does
not provide much energy. That does not mean that it is useless !
 The bacteria in your gut love fiber.
 Some fiber in your diet provides bulk for easier elimination.
 Fiber-rich foods are more filling, and slow down digestion of
carbohydrates.
Some good sources:
 Vegetables
 Whole fruit
Fiber sources to be careful with, as they contain antinutrients:
 Lentils, beans, peas
 Nuts and seeds
 Whole grains such as oatmeal
 Nutrition 149

Antinutrients
There is an important “gotcha” about some foods widely considered healthy,
such as whole grains. Minerals and vitamins are concentrated in the husk and
germ of grains. Unfortunately, so is phytic acid, which hinders the
absorption of minerals like iron.
The phytic acid content can be reduced through traditional cooking
techniques like soaking, germination, or fermentation. For example,
the traditional process of making sourdough bread making greatly reduces
phytic acid. Another way is to get rid of the fiber altogether, for example by
milling white flour or polishing white rice.
The effect of phytic acid can be reduced by taking in some vitamin C
(ascorbic acid from food or supplement sources) at the same time.
Eat oatmeal with fruit, add some kimchi to your rice etc.
Plants don’t necessarily want to be eaten, so they create toxins like lectins.
Lentils and beans must be soaked and cooked properly.
Some veggies are also out to get you in a different way. Spinach and Swiss
chard are loaded with oxalates, especially when raw. Sweet potatoes and
dark chocolate (sigh) are also high in oxalate. A sufficiently large dose could
kill you. A smaller, but frequent dose could contribute to kidney stones
(deposits of calcium oxalate). Minerals like calcium and iron will bind to
oxalic acid and get excreted, so the nutritional value of spinach is overrated.
If you can squeeze open the can with your hands like Popeye, you don’t
need any boost from the spinach …
150 Nutrition

Water of Life
We cannot survive for long without water.
The color of your urine gives you valuable information on your hydration
status. If it is water clear, you may be drinking too much. If it is light yellow,
you are doing fine. If it is darker, drink more.
Good drinks:
 Mineral-rich water (tap, bottled water, or filtered water with minerals
added).
 Diluted fruit juice. A little dash goes a long way.
 Herbal tea.
 Fruit and vegetables include a lot of water.
 Milk, if you tolerate it. Don’t “go mad = Gallon of Milk a day”.
Avoid:
 “Dead” reverse osmosis or demineralized water.
 Soft drinks of any kind. You don’t need the sugar or extra acid. Diet
soda may not have any calories, but the acid will still attack your teeth.
 Straight fruit juice – sugary rocket fuel, even if it is 100% natural.
 Sports drinks with lots of sugar and artificial coloring. If you want
electrolytes, you can get them for less silver in the form of salt and
minerals.
 Energy drinks, “pre-workout” supplements or coffee – as if small
Goblins weren’t lively enough ? Caffeine can impair your sleep.
 Alcohol of any kind.
I recommend drinking water with a high mineral content. Read the labels.
Some examples from my local market:
 Eptinger: 475 mg Calcium / 107 mg Magnesium per liter.
 Gerolsteiner: 348 mg Calcium / 108 mg Magnesium per liter.
 Evian: 80 mg Calcium / 26 mg Magnesium per liter – weak.
At my office, the tap water is somewhat icky, so I drink bottled water.
At home, I drink chilled tap water. If you ask your local water works nicely,
they will tell you the average mineral content of their water.
 Nutrition 151

Vitamins, Minerals and your Bones

Once upon a time, Goblins could get all the nutrients they needed from their
natural foods …
… until Humanlings came along and industrialized agriculture.
Researchers say that the mineral content of many foods has declined
precipitously over the last century due to soil depletion.
Your body needs a steady supply of minerals like calcium and magnesium,
combined with adequate levels of vitamins D and K2 to grow strong bones
and teeth. What you build in youth and early adulthood is important.
Later in life, bone loss is more likely than growth.
Besides your nutrition, your physical activity also influences the strength of
your bones. If you mechanically stress them through vigorous movement or
weight training, your body will adapt by making them stronger.
In my opinion, the growth of your fingernails is a good indicator on whether
you get the protein and minerals that you need. Nail biting may just be a
nervous habit, but it could also be a sign that your body is desperately trying
to get nutrients any way it can.
If you drink milk, calcium supply should not be a problem. A magnesium
deficiency is more likely. Vegetarians and vegans need to pay more attention,
as the phytic acid in many plant foods will hinder the absorption of minerals.
Pay particular attention to vitamin D. It is vital for the health of your bones
and teeth. Your body can create it in your skin if you get enough direct
sunlight. Most of us are holed up in our caves and covered up with clothes
too much of the time. I’m afraid the blue light from screens doesn’t cut it.
If you have dark skin, it will take a lot of sun exposure for your body to
make enough vitamin D. Consider supplementation mandatory.
When you are not covered up, worried Big’uns will often slather you with a
chemical marinade (also known as sunscreen) before putting you out on the
grill beach. This may stave off sunburn to a point, but will also hinder the
natural production of vitamin D.
Please note that excessive doses of vitamin D can be toxic. Don’t go
overboard. If you are worried, take a blood test to check your vitamin D
level, and use a vitamin D calculator to adjust your intake accordingly.
152 Nutrition

Supplements
But surely you should be able to get everything you need out of a balanced
diet ? I have a challenge for you …
Use a nutrition tracker app like Cronometer and try to put together a daily
diet that covers the recommended intake of all vitamins and minerals,
without supplying too many calories. It can be done, but it isn’t that easy
(especially if you don’t like liver and veggies).
Besides real, wholesome food, I would suggest:
 Natural vitamins from food are probably superior, but I take a daily
multivitamin as insurance against deficiencies. If you don’t like pills,
you can get them in gummy bear disguise.
 Supplement vitamin D3 and K2 separately. The dosage in typical
multivitamins is too conservative. I get them in oil form and take them
with whole milk.
 Unless you eat plenty of fatty fish, take good quality fish oil capsules
(or yummy cod liver oil) for Omega 3 fats. Vegetarians can try algae oil.
 Add protein powder if you don’t get enough from your regular food.
 If you train hard, creatine monohydrate could be useful.
Other supplements ? Save your silver, and leave the proudly priced,
gaily packaged pills and powders to grown-up Humanlings.
RTFL (Read The Friendly Labels)
Humanling feed usually comes with a nutrition label on the package. If you
know how to read them, you can avoid particularly evil foods, even if they
are not marked with the skull and crossbones sign like they should.
As an example, let’s look at the chocolate food group (here in Switzerland it
almost counts as one) in more detail.
On the left, milk chocolate as favored by most Lil’uns. It consists of mostly
sugar, and about 30% cocoa. Most of the cocoa is in the form of cocoa
butter, in other words pure fat.
In the middle, we have “high octane” 80% dark chocolate. Most kids shy
away from the intense, not so sweet taste. Let it be known that antioxidants
and other goodness are in the dark cocoa mass. Come join me on the dark
side !
Finally, the cocoa powder that I use to flavor my protein drinks. Who would
have thought that this is a decent source of fiber and protein ?
 Nutrition 153
100g Milk Chocolate 100g 80% Dark 100g Cocoa powder
Energy 528 kcal Chocolate Energy 316 kcal
Fat 30 g Energy 583 kcal Fat 11 g
(saturated) 18 g Fat 46 g (saturated) 7 g
Carbs 57 g (saturated) 29 g Carbs 14 g
(sugars) 56 g Carbs 27 g (sugars) 0.3 g
Protein 7g (sugars) 20 g Fiber 31 g
Sugar, cocoa butter, Protein 9g Protein 25 g
skim milk powder, Cocoa mass, sugar, Cocoa powder.
cocoa mass, sweet cocoa butter, soy
whey powder, butter lecithin, vanilla
fat, hazelnuts, soy extract.
lecithin, natural
flavoring.
Energy – this tells you how many calories / energy this food gives you.
Carbohydrates – often split out in sugars (beware) and fiber (good).
Protein – bring it on.
Fat – depends on what kind it is. Read the ingredient list …
The ingredient list shows the different contents in order of percentage.
They often hide the ugly truth by including different kinds of sugar as
separate items. E numbers refer to assorted wondrous food additives.
Some are harmless, others not so much.
Take a close look at the labels the next time you forage for grub.
Some ingredients that make me put the box back on the shelf:
 partially hydrogenated or hardened fat, such as shortening
 too much sugar (sugar, dextrose, corn syrup and so on)
 preservatives - if it won’t rot, can you digest it ?
 artificial food coloring
 carageen (considered by some to be inflammatory)
 mono sodium glutamate / MSG
There, I emptied the basket for you. You’re welcome !
154 Nutrition

Power Food Secrets

Some nutrition tips by a lazy and frugal cook:
 Shocking news: Vegetables are indeed fit for consumption by Goblins
of all ages. No cooking skills required. For a nice “V Bomb”, cut up
some zucchini, leek, broccoli, non-toxic ‘shrooms, red onions and bell
peppers. Add some garlic to fend off pesky vampires or Humanlings.
Feel free to substitute, everyone is entitled to hating some veggies. Use a
bamboo steamer (available at Asian food stores or online) over a pot
of boiling water. Goes down easy with a little sour cream, hummus,
guacamole, whipped cream cheese or nut butter. Use some spice salt if
you want to reduce calories.
 Instead of sugar bomb “fruit” yoghurt, add a teaspoon or two of high
fruit / low sugar jam to plain yoghurt.
 Get raw milk if you have access to it. In some places it is illegal, known
as “moo-shine”. I regularly bike to a farm store with a milk vending
machine. As this is “living food”, there is a small risk of bacterial
contamination. I am still alive and kicking despite not heating it to
70°C like you are supposed to. Just think of what mothers feed their
babies with – raw breast milk – the horror !
 Cottage cheese is a good and inexpensive high protein snack.
 Liver (beef, chicken, lamb) is cheap, packed with nutrients, and tasty if
not overcooked. I eat it about once a week.
 Commercial salad dressing is made with the cheapest possible
ingredients. I make it fresh – 3 teaspoons of extra virgin olive oil,
about 1 teaspoon of balsamic or apple cider vinegar, garlic powder,
freeze dried herbs, chili flakes and salt.
 I don’t eat out for lunch. That would be an expensive habit here, and I
prefer to control what I put into my body. I cook some turkey or
ground beef in the morning, and warm it up in the microwave. Season
with some salt or whole grain mustard. Add some salad and feta cheese
for a high protein, low carb lunch.
 Lest you think I’m some sort of Goblin monk – on many days I eat
50g of dark chocolate (80% cocoa, so this is just 10g of sugar),
and I also have a little stash of chocolate ice cream in my freezer.
A little bit of sugar has not killed me yet.
 Nutrition 155

Food Empowerment
I sense a little bit of unrest in the audience.
Do you actually eat like that ? Sounds kind of boring…
Yes, really. I can’t be bothered to spend a lot of time in the kitchen to
prepare my daily fuel ration.
By eating a consistent diet, I don’t have to count calories. To lose weight,
I reduce or eliminate a few things. To gain weight, I add more yummy and
nutritious stuff. You are welcome to add more variety, spice foods up a bit
more etc.
I want pizza !
You can eat it, just not all the time.
Don’t fall into the “all or nothing” trap. Look at what you are eating,
and consider healthier alternatives. You don’t need perfection, just
reasonable consistency.
I starve if I don’t eat carbs !
You didn’t eat anything all night, so your body should be ready to burn fat.
Try a breakfast rich in protein and fats, but low in carbs, for example
scrambled eggs with some meat or fish. You may be pleasantly surprised by
how long your energy will last.
If you stuff yourself with carbs all the time, your body will rarely see a
reason to burn fat.
I don’t like eating breakfast !
No problem. Try not to get on the carb roller coaster with snacks, and make
sure you get enough protein over the course of the day.
We only have junk food at home !
Your Big’uns don’t like to throw out perfectly good food all the time. If all
you ask for and eat is junk food, then they will buy perfectly bad food for
you.
Ask, and ye shall receive …
… wholesome food, that is. Just make sure to actually eat some of it,
otherwise you will soon be back to square one.
156 Nutrition
I don’t want to eat dead animals !
Then don’t. If you eat a vegetarian diet with some dairy and eggs, you will
get a good supply of nutrients and protein.
As a kid, I was a bit ahead of my time and ate a vegetarian diet for
environmental reasons. I would have grown better on a more nutrient rich
diet. I hope you will do your nutritional homework better than I did.
I eat plant based !
Who will eat the grass we can’t digest ? What about grassland that is not
suitable for plant crops ? Who will fertilize the soil with their generous
droppings ?
If you eat a vegan diet, you really need to do your homework. Use a nutrition
tracker to see what micronutrients you take in. In the end, it doesn’t matter
what you eat, but what your body absorbs. Typical issues:
 You will need to supplement Vitamin B12, which is almost exclusively
found in animal foods.
 Vitamin D is mostly found in animal sourced food. You will need to
supplement unless you are out in the sun a lot.
 Vitamin K2 – eat some natto. It tastes even worse than it looks.
 Calcium – difficult to get enough from plants. Keep in mind that the
phytic acid and oxalates contained in many plant foods will hinder the
absorption of minerals. Special cooking techniques like soaking or
fermentation should be used to reduce their impact. Otherwise,
your bones and teeth could suffer.
 Iron - the absorption of iron from plant sources is much worse than
from animal sources / heme iron, further diminished by phytic acid.
 Omega 3 essential fats. You can get a good amount of ALA
(alpha linoleic acid) from flax seeds, but the conversion to the forms
that count for brain development (EPA and DHA) is not good.
Consider algae oil.
 Protein – plant-based foods just aren’t very protein dense, which
means that you will have to eat a lot to get enough protein.
Combine different protein sources to get a balanced supply of all
essential amino acids.
Are you still determined to stick to a vegan diet ? I admire your conviction,
and hope that your body won’t have to pay a price for it.
 Nutrition 157
We don’t have silver for healthy food !
Compare the price of plain oatmeal (about $0.70 per lb in expensive
Switzerland) to the much higher price of sugary breakfast cereal packed in a
colorful cardboard box. Healthy staples don’t have to be expensive, and
simple homemade food will be less expensive than eating out.
I rarely buy proudly priced brand name “foods” with ominously long
ingredient lists, expensive advertising, and a suspiciously long shelf life.
Bulk whey protein powder (in 1 kg or 2 lb bags) is less expensive per gram
of protein than meat.
My Big’uns don’t cook !
Then head to the kitchen and get busy. You don’t have to make an elaborate
production of it.
School lunches are evil !
Take control - you decide what you eat. Bring your own food.
Cooking takes too much time, let’s go get “Instagrub” !
Please add up the time:
 Go to the fast-food place.
 Wait in line, get your order taken.
 Wait for the food.
 Go back home.
 Eat, then throw away a mindboggling amount of packaging.
 Spend more time at work to earn the silver needed to feed and groom
the noble family steed, buy Instagrub, and pay the medic when
Instagrub wasn’t that healthy after all.
158 Nutrition
How do you save time ?
(Slow food aficionados, please close your eyes)
Overlap cooking and eating.
 I empty the dishwasher while preparing my lunch in the morning.
 My rice cooker can cook while I lift.
 Get the water boiling while I prep the veggie bomb.
 Eat a salad while the steamer and the skillet are working.
 Eat protein.
 Eat veggies when they are ready.
Some people cook ahead for a week. I am a bit sensitive to histamine,
and prefer to cook fresh each day.
Cookbooks for your Big’uns:
 “Nourishing Traditions” by Sally Fallon for ancestral slow food.
“It takes Guts” by Ashleigh VanHouten about cooking with organ meats.
 159

Body Image
You have probably seen plenty of images of impossibly fit, strong and
muscular men and women on social media. Let them inspire you,
but please don’t compare yourself to them.
 They have been training and eating consistently for years on end.
Tristyn Lee says that he had no cheat meals for 4 years. I believe him.
 They picked the right parents and are “genetically gifted”.
They eat a very restrictive diet to get “shredded”.
 They don’t look like this all the time. The photos were taken with
optimal lighting when they looked their best.
 Some of the photos are filtered or edited.
 They may also be taking magic potions of dubious legality.
Instead, compare yourself to what you looked like a year or two ago.
Are you getting stronger ? Can you perform better ? Then you are on the
right track.
Magic Potions
Steroids or similar ? Don’t even think about them, at least until you are well
past puberty, and have trained seriously for 10 years or so.
Don’t flood your body with extra hormones that will quickly
 disrupt your hormonal balance, sometimes permanently.
Despite my age and modest genetics, I can still get natural gains with hard
training and good nutrition. If I can do it, you can. Resist the quick fix.
Puberty
Youth is wasted on the young.
Consider it your own, personal, free supercharge cycle - do not waste this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Eat, train and rest right to build a strong foundation for the rest
of your life.
160

Notes for Big’uns

There are many myths related to strength training for children and teens.
Let me clear up some of them.
Lifting weights will hurt growth plates and cause stunted growth !
Lifting weights with proper form will not do this. Impact forces in football
or other contact sports are much higher than those experienced in heavy
weightlifting.
Lifting weights is dangerous !
Statistics show that the injury rate of strength training is much lower than
that of other sports. Having a solid foundation of strength may also reduce
the injury risks of other sports.
Doesn’t my kid have P.E. classes at school ?
Please take a stopwatch and observe them during a lesson. Track how little
of the time they are moving with meaningful intensity.
Kids should train with their bodyweight !
Yes – if they are strong enough. Can your kids (or you, for that matter)
do pushups or pullups with decent form ? If not, resistance training can help
them progress to being able to do so.
Kids can’t grow muscle before puberty !
Neither can women ? (Clang. Ouch, that hurt !)
The initial response to strength training is neurological, making proper use
of the muscle that is already there. You need to go beyond these “easy”
gains for the body to have a reason to grow.
Without the hormonal storm of male puberty, growth may be slow – but the
body will adapt to the demands placed on it once training gets hard enough.
Finally, knowing how to train properly will give your kids a head start when
puberty hits.
Our local gym doesn’t allow kids below 14 or 16 years !
All exercises shown in this book can be done at home with minimal
equipment.
Kids could develop eating disorders !
Learning about healthy nutrition and what a growing body needs is a good
way to avoid drastic diets and unsound eating habits. I recommend a
nutrient-dense diet based on ancestral experience.
 Notes for Big-uns 161
Vitamins and protein are expensive !
The old doctor’s tale says that you can get all you need from a balanced
nutrition. When you crunch the numbers, you may find that it is not so easy
to achieve, especially when your Lil’uns don’t eat everything. Multivitamins
are insurance, just like seatbelts.
Vitamin D and minerals to ensure proper bone growth are much less
expensive than braces and glasses. Quality fish oil for Omega 3 fats is not
cheap, but also supports the development of the brain and nervous system.
Whey protein powder is less expensive than meat when you compare the
cost per gram of protein.
Will I need to constantly supervise my kids ?
Depending on their age, you should work with them on proper exercise
form in the beginning. Later, they should be able to exercise by themselves.
Won’t working out take a lot of time ?
Yes, regular training could cut into their gaming time. Don’t get your hopes
up too much – short, intense workouts can be very effective.
Will I have to push my kids to work out ?
Please don’t. The point of this book is to empower kids to take care of their
health. Think of it as a “free-range” approach to fitness.
My kids would never be that disciplined !
There is only one way to find out …
Where’s the research ?
This is not a scientific treatise. Exercise and nutrition scientists are not
known for coming to a consensus. This book is based on about 40 years of
training experience and something rather uncommon (common sense).
Find some references at the book website, www.goblinsgym.com .
162

Lift long and prosper !

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
I started out as a rather wimpy kid. No athletic talent to speak of, and my
messed-up eyes didn’t help. I couldn’t throw a ball worth a damn (still can’t).
Looking back, my gym teacher should have realized my complete lack of
talent at group sports and sent me off to a weight room. Riding the bike to
high school helped a bit. Going 120 meters uphill on the way home was a
good way to blow off steam after school and gave me time to think up
devilish plots to blow up said edifice.
Around 14 or 15 I got fascinated by bodybuilding and picked up a copy of
“Bodybuilding for Men” by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I got myself some
adjustable dumbbells and started lifting on a wooden box.
Later, in university, I was still too shy to enter the university gym and kept
working out at home.
After my graduation as an electrical engineer, I moved to Hollywood for
Engineers (also known as Silicon Valley). After some time, I joined a proper
gym (Gold’s Gym in Santa Clara, CA), and put on a little bit of size
(going from pencil-neck geek to just geek). Later, I started climbing (mostly
on plastic, a little real rock).
Eventually the weather in California got too predictable, so I moved back to
Switzerland. The best gym in town would have been at the other end of the
city, so I got an alumni membership at the nearby university gym instead.
Dumbbells topped out at 30 kg, if you managed to find the matching pair.
More climbing, many evening walks with a young son, and a hardcore home
remodel (build a house, lose a spouse) kept gym time down for a while.
Fast forward a few more years: I have figured out how to train effectively at
home. I also ride the bike to work when the weather and my inner sloth
cooperate. Consistent training and nutrition pay off with visible gains.
With age come some niggles, such as temperamental joints. I may not get to
look like a Greek God in my lifetime, but Geek God sounds like a good
goal… I aim to stay fit and strong so I can carry the next generation on my
shoulders someday.
Thanks go to our Vietnam based team of artists, Light Comic Studio,
who made this book come to life – without them you would have to look at
muddy photographs instead of clear drawings.
Pascal Dornier, 2022
 163

10 Commandments of Goblin’s Gym

1. Move every day.

2. Train with good form.
3. Train with a good range of motion.
4. Challenge yourself with progressive loading.
5. Adapt your training volume
and intensity.
6. Recover well.
7. Feed yourself right.
8. Listen to your body.
9. Be patient and persistent.
10. Bust yours to kick theirs.
164

The complete guide for the whole family

to get strong in and around your home:
 Basics of Resistance Training
 Exercises with Resistance Bands and your Bodyweight
 Muscle Anatomy
 Recovery
 Nutrition
 Training Gear
… and more !