CH 09
CH 09
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and couple’s interactions predominantly using may be aware that they have problems, they may
a behavioral perspective. Lately, this alone is not be aware of the location of their difficulties.
not sufficient. Professionals need a broader A better knowledge of these dimensions can
view of changing sexuality and its impact on help in understanding the complex interplay of
relationships. the factors underlying relationship dynamics.
With diminishing importance of marriage Mapping of these dynamics on some of these
as an institution, more and more couples dimensions may often alert professionals to an
live together, or explore all aspects of the individual’s vulnerabilities, and facilitate more
relationship before showing their commitment to sensitive clinical practice.
marriage. In addition, with increasing strength Almeida et al emphasize on the following
of the gay/lesbian movement, professionals dimensional realities of marriages:12
are concerned about unique issues for different ÐÐ economic/financial; determined by each
types of couples. In response to these changes, partner’s characteristics as well as their
many writers have replaced the term marital capacity to jointly create security
therapy with couple therapy. With these issues ÐÐ emotional: (communication, intimacy,
in the background, this chapter presents a broad dependence)
view of dimensions that can be used to map ÐÐ power arrangement: (privileges of men to
relationship quality, and sexuality related issues
partnership versus equality in relationships)
in relationship context.
ÐÐ physical power: ( intimidation; abuse, threats
versus sanctity of the individual)
ÐÐ boundaries: psychological space around the
RELATIONSHIP MAPS couples in connection to friends, family,
In many ways, marriage is a very unique event children, work, religion (tight and controlled
that stresses the individual yet marks a turning versus flexible)
point in life. McGoldrick explains the experience ÐÐ sexuality: sexual intimacy versus sexual
of marriage in these simple lines: “Marriage, objectification,, rape and exploitation
more than any other life transition, is viewed as ÐÐ child-rearing: shared versus viewed as
the solution to life’s problems such as loneliness, women’s responsibility
work/career uncertainty, or extended family ÐÐ chores and leisure activities: home care, food
difficulties….Marriage requires that two people versus priorities for vacation and leisure time.
renegotiate a great many issues that they have These are widely accepted concepts in
previously defined individually or in their marital literature. Some of these are generic
families of origin, such as when and how to eat, concepts, where as others refer to very specific
sleep, talk, have sex, fight, work, and relax”.10 aspects of interactions and behaviors. In India,
The nature of interpersonal relationship and researchers focused on global evaluations as well
the intrapsychic processes of the two partners as a few specific dimensions like roles, decision
not only affect their individual functioning but making, and communication.
also influence other family relationships. This In the following sections, some of the core
prompts researchers to try and understand, dimensions used in India is presented in details.
chapter 9
Couple Relationship and Sexuality
105
These emerged initially through development of in the context of the relationship, this precludes
a marital quality scale,13 and are expanded and their potential for individual growth. It can also
refined through clinical practice. put a lot of pressure on the relationship to satisfy
all one’s needs.
Understanding: Good understanding has
traditionally been held as the benchmark of Trust: Trust in a relationship refers to the belief
a healthy relationship. But the definition of that the partner is benevolent and honest towards
what exactly constitutes good understanding one.16 This means that the partner is not perceived
tends to vary from person to person. A person as a threat to the self but as self-enhancing. Trust
issues. The more salient an issue is to one’s self motivation for behavior and unrealistic beliefs
esteem, the harder it is to talk about it. Better about events. Increasing levels of wife’s
communication can facilitate better problem depression are associated with higher levels of
solving and greatly alter the quality of the marital disaffection and disharmony, and also a
relationship. With sexual dysfunction, enhancing tendency to attribute marital difficulties to one’s
sexual communication becomes instrumental in behavior and not to spouse’s behavior.21
decreasing sexual difficulties. Satisfied spouses tend to view their partner’s
positive behavior as a result of stable, internal
Relationship power: This refers to one’s ability
causes and dismiss negative behavior as a result
to influence the thoughts, feelings and behaviors
of the partner. Relationships usually tend to of temporary external causes. This association
create some dynamics around power. However, holds true even when controlling for depressive
when one partner has a disproportionately large symptoms.20,22 Indian studies have also supported
share of the power in a relationship, this can lead these trends for women with depression.18,23
to relationship problems. Such a skewed power Further exploration on this dimension can create
balance often reflects insecurities/anxieties in a highly effective workable explanatory as well
the inner world of both partners. When there as interventional model that explains all types
is less of understanding and intimacy, partners of presenting problems for couples experiencing
find it difficult to share these anxieties. Usually, conflicts. In practice, working on relationship
it is difficult for couples to alter their power belief systems, as well as reattribution work
dynamics from within as it threatens the balance for presenting problems alters marital conflict
in the relationship. They are often not fully significantly.
aware of this struggle, and tend to notice only Stability and commitment is another major
issue-based differences. They can get stuck in determining dimension for the quality of
a tug of war over power that obscures all other relationship. The present understanding from
welfare feelings and relationship issues. Sexual studies on this aspect is that greater commitment
behaviors are often (unconsciously) interpreted enhances the ability to accommodate to partner’s
in the context of power dynamics. Unless sex is negative behavior. Lesser degree of commitment
understood in this context, the full implications has been associated with couples keeping a
of the sexual aspect of the relationship can be short-term perspective of relationships, as well
hard to comprehend. as expecting immediate reciprocation of one’s
Among various marital dimensions examined positive behavior. Uneven levels of commitment
in contemporary research, that of relationship can affect many relationships dimensions
attributions has generated empirical evidence significantly, and increase dissatisfaction with
to create more useful theoretical models that partner behaviors as well as sexual interactions.
explain the association between marital distress Couples with conflict may present with (i) a
and depression. general expression of marital distress, (ii) one
Research shows that depressed individuals partner having major psychological symptoms,
and their spouses consistently report poor marital (iii) child showing problems/symptoms, or (iv)
quality compared to couples where neither sexual difficulties. As part of initial evaluation
chapter 9
Couple Relationship and Sexuality
107
of the family context, certain inferences can suggests that sexual difficulties often co-exist
be made about the quality of the relationship with specific relationship problems like sexual
between partners. Disclosures about sexual abuse, extra marital affairs, infertility, asexual
experiences are not easy for partners, especially marriages as well as with general marital
since in the Indian context public discourse on distress. Treatments are planned based on
sexuality is usually avoided. Professionals need the strengths of the psychological dyad. Sex
sensitive and skillful approach to establish the therapy techniques are used when the couple is
link between conflict and sexuality. psychologically prepared for the same. Unless
again.27 Many people, especially women, find norms. Lesbian couples are distinguished by
it difficult to acknowledge problems in these their unique arrangements that avoid power
areas. This occurs at the cost of their physical imbalances. It is a well established fact that
and psychological welfare. Often, society/media/ husbands and wives often get caught in power
literature sustains the myth about violence or battles linked to earning capacities Couples
affairs being part of the natural order. Many a where one partner has more control over income
time, when the overt presentation of the case and expenditure tend to be more distressed.29
is a sexual dysfunction, such problems may Conversely, research has also shown that
be underlying. If doctors are not sensitive to working women have to hand over control of
this possibility, victims may get misdiagnosed their pay packets to their husbands, in order to
and further victimized by the medical system. keep the peace at home.30,31 In extreme cases of
Relationship trauma of this nature can lead to power dynamics in couples, this may translate
devastating psychological consequences for the into sexual power games that destabilize the
abused/affected partner including depression, core of the relationship with loss of awareness
anxiety, fearfulness or loss of a sense of self. of one’s sexual boundaries and loss of respect
for partner’s sexuality.
Research in the Western cultures on fusion
Suspicion and intimacy in lesbian, gay, and heterosexual
It is interesting to note that in clinical practice, couples has shown some very surprising
suspicion in a relationship is often accompanied findings. Cultural stereotypes are that lesbian
by decreased sexual activity between the couple. couples seek fusion, and gay couples remain
Many individuals identify the start of major disengaged. However, research has shown
that both lesbian and gay couples tend to have
relationship difficulties with the cessation of an
more intimate, cohesive, relationships than do
active sex life. Even when there are several other
heterosexual couples.10 Another trend identified
problems, such as neglect, violence, discord and
is that money and status define the relationship
fights—it is the sexual relationship that often
along power lines for heterosexual couples.
carries most meaning for these couples. When
Lesbian couples, however, seem to be free to
this is hampered, the resulting insecurity is
grow in the relationship independent of these
expressed as suspicion of infidelity.
issues. One of the speculations is that since
these couples are less bound by traditional
Gay/lesbian couples gender roles, they have more freedom to develop
satisfying intimacy in relationships. In India,
Johnson and Colucci point out how difficult while this seems to enhance the relationship
coupling is for all couples, straight or gay/ quality, non-traditional identity continues to be a
lesbian.28 Yet, there are special issues in gay/ source of conflict and distress. Often, families do
lesbian couples due to same-sex pairing and not accept the relationship, and marginalize these
due to adaptations these couples have to make couples from mainstream social experiences.
to a devaluing larger culture. These writers These are among the many issues regarding
chapter 9
Couple Relationship and Sexuality
109
homosexual relationships in the Indian context One may safely state that the childhood nurturing
that are yet to be explored by professionals. experiences and relationships contribute greatly
HIV/AIDS issues have also traumatized the towards the growth of a psychologically healthy
gay community tremendously, and their impact young adult. In comparison, experiences in close
on relationships is phenomenal. The biggest intimate relationships in adulthood have impact
challenge for the medical world presently is on well-being in early as well as later years of
that of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. This has direct adult life. Earlier theories tended to look almost
impact on many aspects of close and intimate purely on the effect the woman (particularly the
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