GABOR MATÉ | Workbook

WORKBOOK

GABOR MATÉ

How to use your workbook?

This workbook is designed as a guide to support you before,
during, and after the Masterclass.

GABOR MATÉ
Presented in the form of summary sheets, you will find the key ideas discussed in each video.
But that’s not all!

To help you get the most out of this Masterclass, we’ve also included
all the practical exercises featured in the videos. Let yourself be guided and progress at your own pace.

But before that, it’s time to meet your mentor!

Let’s get started!

H.E.A.L.
TRANSFORM PAIN INTO POWER:
A GUIDED PATH TO LIFELONG HEALING
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Lesson 1 - Introduction to your mentor 5

Chapter 1 | H: Hear the pain

Lesson 2 - What is trauma, really? 8

Lesson 3 - Recognizing trauma in my life 13
Lesson 4 - Authenticity vs attachment: 16
Lesson 5 - How trauma impacts physical health 19 WHO IS GABOR MATÉ?
Lesson 6 - How trauma affects mental and emotional well-being 21
Lesson 7 - Exploring the link between addiction and trauma 23

INTRODUCTION
Chapter 2 | E: Empower yourself to heal

Lesson 8 - Dealing with triggers and self-destructive reactions 26 Dr. Gabor Maté is a thought leader, speaker and author who specializes in the fields of trauma
and addiction. His compassionate heart-led practices are shaped by his experience working with
The emergency kit for crisis 28
patients challenged by mental illness, drug addiction and HIV in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside.
Lesson 9 - Strategies and therapies for healing trauma 31
Dr. Maté is a passionate advocate for social change and the importance of the mind-body
Lesson 10 - Practical approaches and exercises 35
connection for treating and preventing addiction and healing from trauma.
Lesson 11 - How to integrate compassionate inquiry in your daily life? 37
Lesson 12 - Reconnecting with nature and your body for healing 39
Lesson 13 - Cultivating authenticity reconnecting with your true self 41
Lesson 14 - Dealing with triggers and self-destructive reactions 43

Chapter 3 | A: Align your relationships

Lesson 15 - Trauma and parenting, part 1 : breaking the cycle 47

Lesson 16 - Trauma and parenting, part 2 : raising resilient children 49
Lesson 17 - Supporting a loved one who has experienced trauma 51

Chapter 4 | L: Lifelong Healing

Lesson 18 - Routines and habits to be healed for lifeand avoid relapsing 53

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KEY LEARNINGS:
• Words can hurt. Many of us have been hurt by words we’ve heard—words spoken to us in ways that didn’t
respect who we were, didn’t see us for who we are, or made us believe things that were untrue or even
harmful. Words are powerful.

• How we know what we know comes to us through different portals. One of these is the intellect, but we
also know with our hearts and with our guts. These ways of knowing are deeply interconnected.

• The word “healing” in Gabor’s native tongue, Hungarian, literally means “wholeness.” In English, the word
also originates from the root meaning “wholeness.” Trauma fragments that wholeness, disconnecting us
from ourselves.

• The word “recovery” means to find something. What do we find when we recover? We rediscover the
connection we lost in the first place. Recovery is about finding ourselves, and this is the intention of this
masterclass.

• The word “intention” comes from the Latin root meaning “to stretch.” For example, attention is stretching
LESSON 1 towards something, while intention is what we aim to move toward internally. One of the essentials of
healing, transformation, and recovery is developing a sense of intention. What are we committing to? What
INTRODUCTION are we striving to move towards?

TO YOUR MENTOR
EXERCISES

Meditation :

• Find a comfortable place to sit and gently close your eyes.

• Breathe comfortably and notice any sensations that may arise in the body, or any thoughts or
emotions that are present. No need to make any meaning out of these— simply make present
the awareness that these sensations or mental phenomena are arising, and let them be there. [30
seconds of contemplation]

• Become aware that you’re about to begin an educational course about a big subject: healing
trauma. You’re here because you chose to be here. Take some time and ask yourself— “what are
my motivations for taking this course? What personal history led me to this topic? What issues
are most alive in my world that I want to understand better? What’s at stake in my life that would
make this important to me?” [1 minute of contemplation]

• Now take a moment and ask yourself: “In this moment, how am I feeling about engaging with
this material? What’s my attitude going into this? Where am I at, emotionally and mentally?
Am I curious? Open-minded? Skeptical? Worried? Am I feeling a sense of hope? Of urgency? How
comfortable am I?” Again, don’t try to do anything with these observations, just observe. [1
minute of contemplation]

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Writing my intention for the course

• Now open your Healing Diary on the first page.

Chapter 1
• Take a moment and see if you can locate a word or short phrase that sums up your main intentions
for taking this course. H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma.

• Some quality or state or way of being that you would like to cultivate as a result of doing this work,
that you can use as a lens through which to listen and learn.

• Examples might be things like: compassion; insight; clarity; freedom; forgiveness; authenticity;
and so on.

• Once you have a word or phrase that resonates for you, take a few minutes and just sit with it.

• Ask yourself:

• “How does it feel to enter this course with this intention?

• What starts to happen in my experience as I bring this intention into my conscious
LESSON 2
WHAT IS TRAUMA, REALLY?
awareness?”

RETHINKING WHAT YOU KNOW

ABOUT TRAUMA

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 KEY LEARNINGS: QUOTES :
Definition of Trauma : Poem By Hafiz :
• Trauma originates from the Greek word meaning “wound.” People can suffer from physical wounds or “Blame
emotional and psychological wounds. In this masterclass, we will focus on emotional and psychological Keeps the sad game going.
wounds. It keeps stealing all your wealth—
Giving it to an imbecile with
• Trauma is also a wound that hasn’t healed. Trauma is not what happened to you, trauma is what happens No financial skills.
inside you as a result of what happened to you. Dear one,
• Not everything painful or stressful is traumatic, but everything traumatic is painful and stressful. It’s Wise
possible to experience pain and stress without being traumatized. Up.”
There is wisdom in trauma, and it reveals itself in two ways: first, the traumatic imprint is often an adaptation; second,
• When wounds remain open and unhealed, they can cause tremendous pain whenever they are touched. once it’s present, it can also serve as a teacher. Rather than trying to get rid of its symptoms, pushing it away, or
Another characteristic of wounds is the development of scar tissue. While scar tissue can be beneficial suppressing it, we can choose to use it as a teacher. Trauma can become a powerful mentor.
for healing, it may also create hardness or numbness. Scar tissue lacks nerves, and similarly, traumatized
individuals often struggle to feel and connect with what’s really going on inside them. Quote by A.H Almaas:
Understanding How Trauma Happens : “Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually
yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The
• Trauma can occur in two primary ways: Things that happen to you that shouldn’t have: These include part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the
experiences like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Things that didn’t happen but should have: These are right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves
unmet needs, such as the absence of emotional nurturing, care, or connection. This type of trauma is often you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you
harder to recognize because it is easier to remember what happened than what didn’t happen. suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose.”
• Trauma limits what is known as response flexibility—the ability to respond appropriately to the needs of A.H. Almaas
the present moment.

The Effects of Trauma

EXERCISES
• Trauma disconnects us from our bodies, causing a disconnection from the self.
ACE questionnaire:
• It fosters a negative self-view, often leading to shame.
1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often … wear at you, insult you, put you down, or
• It shapes how we perceive the world and other people.
humiliate you? or Did they act in any way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
• Trauma is multigenerational, passing from one generation to the next. YES ____ NO _____ (YES = 1 point)
• It imposes a sense of blame—either directed inward toward ourselves or outward toward others. 2. Did a parent or other adult in the household very often … Push, grab, slap, or throw something at
you? or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
ACE Studies (Adverse Childhood Experiences):
YES ____ NO _____
• These studies found that the more traumatic events people experience, the greater their risk for addiction,
autoimmune diseases, mental health challenges, sexual promiscuity, relationship difficulties, and more. 3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever touch or fondle you, or have you touched
In summary, the higher the number of ACEs a person has experienced, the greater their risk of adverse their body in a sexual way? Or try to or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal sex with you?
outcomes. YES ____ NO _____

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 4. Did you often or very often feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were important Was I free to experience my emotions and to express them? Could I be angry if I was angry? Could I be
or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each sad when I felt sad? Was there someone to tell me cheer up! Did people tell me “don’t be so sensitive”
other? Or could you experience yourself the way you were? Were you told that sadness or anger or sensitivity
or just exuberance were not acceptable?
YES ____ NO _____
5. Did you often feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one
YES ____ NO _____
to protect you? Or your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if
you needed it?
If I ever felt hurt or angry or sad, who did I tell? Who did I talk to? Was it your dog, or your friends, or
YES ____ NO _____
your dolls? Or imaginary friends? If it wasn’t your parents, check this point
6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?
YES ____ NO _____ YES ____ NO _____
7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?
Or sometimes or often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit How did I play? Who did I play with? With whom and under what circumstances?
over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____
__________________________________________________________
8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____
__________________________________________________________
9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____
__________________________________________________________
10. Did a household member go to prison? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____ Small
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
T questionnaire: __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Did I feel unconditionally accepted, or did I have to be good or compliant or cute or smart to be __________________________________________________________
accepted? Was the acceptance that I experienced conditional? Or was it unconditional? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____ (NO = 1 point) __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Did I find myself working to create peace or harmony in the family? Was that my job? Did I work to __________________________________________________________
make my parents feel good by being good or being nice? Did I protect them from my feelings? Did I __________________________________________________________
believe that they were too stressed that I didn’t want to add to their problems by coming to them with __________________________________________________________
my own? __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
YES ____ NO _____ __________________________________________________________

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KEY LEARNINGS :
Trauma often leads to feelings of self-directed shame. Here are some questions Gabor invites you to reflect on:
Chapter 1 • How do you feel about yourself? Are you ashamed of yourself? Do you feel guilty? Do you have a sense of
H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma. inferiority? Or do you feel superior to them? Do you compare yourself to other people?

• Do you get triggered? => If you look at the word trigger, it’s a metaphor. We’re talking about a weapon
If you look at a weapon, how big is the trigger? Very small. The reason the trigger works is because there’s
ammunition and explosive charge.

• Are you burdened by a sense of hopelessness? That certain qualities such as joy, happiness, or freedom or
peace are not available to you? Are you over optimistic? Is everything always ok for you? Even when they
are not? Both hopelessness and compulsive positivity can be both signs of trauma. => Personality is not
who we are, but who we think we are. Our personality is often formed in response to needs not being met and
the way we adapt. For example: if you weren’t given any attention that you needed just for existing, you might
be consumed to be physically attractive, checking yourself several times in the mirror or attracting attention by
LESSON 3 being loud or smart or whatever we can use.

• What is your body image?

RECOGNIZING TRAUMA IN MY LIFE • Are you a perfectionist? A control freak?
THE HIDDEN AND OBVIOUS SYMPTOMS
• Are you critical or judgmental about other people?

• Do you face health challenges? Physical or mental?

• What’s your sense of motivation?

• Are you codependent?

• Are you consumed in the past? Is your mind always concerned on what happened in the past or should have
happened? Or worried about the future, or fantasizing about the future? What is your relationship with the
present moment?

QUOTES :
• It’s not as important to find the cause of our traumatized feelings as it is to learn how to relate to them. -
Mark Epstein “The trauma of everyday life”

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EXERCISES

The Impact and The Event

Pick two to four “types” of traumatic events from the diagnosis you did in the 2 questionnaires. Chapter 1
• Take a blank Double page of your Healing Diary H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma.
• Write a word that describes these traumatic events in a first column on the left side of the left
sheet. This is the Event Column
• Then create 4 additional columns on the left and right page of the double page with

• Relationship
• Body
• Personality
• Behaviour

• On each of these columns, write down what were the impacts and ripple effects of these events LESSON 4
in these four categories

For each one, explore what the long-term traumatic IMPACTS might be, both obvious and subtle. AUTHENTICITY VS ATTACHMENT:
THE INNER CONFLICT THAT SHAPES
Genuine strength or Traumatic Superpower
YOUR LIFE
• One place we often don’t think to look for traumatic effects is the places in our lives and
personalities where things seem to work really well for us. We all have strengths and gifts.
Some of these reflect the best of who we really are.
• But it can also happen that what seems to be a positive quality is in fact a coping mechanism
built on top of a wound, often an unhealed or even unconscious one.
• If you think of any superhero, ask yourself how did they get their secret power?
• In almost every case, it originates in a tragic incident or accident. So, too, with our own
“superpowers”.
• Make a list of all your “best qualities”, “talents”, etc. include the ones you’re the most proud of,
the ones you get the most praise for, the ones you feel pressure to keep up, etc. For each one,
reflect on these questions:

• How much choice do I have to be or not be this way? how free am I to stop if I choose?
is there a cost to being this way all the time?
• Make a list of situations where you feel driven and situations where you feel called

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 KEY LEARNINGS : EXERCISES

• The Fundamental Childhood Conflict: Attachment and Authenticity - Writing exercise

Children face a critical conflict between two essential needs: attachment (being accepted and cared for) and
Pick two to four “types” of traumatic events from the diagnosis you did in the 2 questionnaires.
authenticity (being true to themselves). This conflict is key to understanding trauma and self-development.
Take a new page of your Healing Diary and answer those questions
• Prolonged Human Dependency:
Unlike other mammals, humans are born with underdeveloped brains to allow for birth, making them • As a child, what were some key ways that you being yourself was at odds with staying
extremely vulnerable and dependent for an extended period compared to other species. connected with your family of origin? What would have happened to those relationships if
you’d fully expressed your feelings or thoughts or fullness of self? What compromises did that
• Attachment as a Non-Negotiable Need: require you to make?
Attachment is a survival mechanism necessary for humans (and other species) to feel secure and cared for • In your life today, where do you notice a tension between being yourself and maintaining
during their most vulnerable years. important relationships? What ways, big or small, do you habitually prioritize staying in
people’s good graces over fully being yourself?
• The Role of Authenticity:
Authenticity involves being connected to one’s emotions, body, and gut instincts. This is a critical survival Attachment and Authenticity - Somatic exercise
tool, helping individuals make decisions aligned with their true selves.
• Find a comfortable place to sit and gently close your eyes.
• Sacrificing Authenticity for Attachment: • Breathe comfortably and notice any sensations that may arise in the body, or any thoughts or
In childhood, authenticity is often suppressed to maintain attachment. For example, children may repress emotions that are present. No need to make any meaning out of these— simply make present
feelings or instincts if they perceive them as unacceptable to their caregivers. the awareness that these sensations or mental phenomena are arising, and let them be there.
• Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adaptations: [30 seconds of contemplation]
These early adaptations to suppress authenticity can become ingrained in the nervous system, leading • What comes up in in the body when you think of fully expressing yourself?
adults to prioritize external acceptance over being true to themselves. • What comes up in the body when you think of disappointing someone?

• The Loss of Connection to the Self:

The greatest loss from this dynamic isn’t a lack of love or support but the disconnection from one’s essence
and authentic self, which is a deeper and more lasting wound.

• The Potential for Healing as Adults:

Unlike children, adults have the ability to consciously choose authenticity over attachment when the two
are in conflict. Healing involves reconnecting with one’s true self.

• A Vital Question for Authenticity:

Adults must ask themselves, “What do I truly want?” and prioritize their authentic desires and needs over
the need for external approval.

• Healing as a Return to Authenticity:

The essence of healing and becoming whole lies in rediscovering and reclaiming one’s authenticity, which is
always available as long as one is alive.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
• There can be a conflict between two fundamental needs in childhood. It’s a conflict between who we truly
Chapter 1 are and who we feel we need to be in order to be accepted by others.

H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma. • Attachment refers to the need to be close to someone for the sake of being cared for and protected.

• The human child is the most immature and vulnerable of all mammals for the longest period of time. Unlike
other animals, which are more self-sufficient for various reasons (such as the fact that their brains are more
fully developed at birth), humans depend on attachment for survival. This need to attach is rooted in the
necessity of being close to someone who can provide care.

• In addition to attachment, we also have the need for authenticity, which is the need to be ourselves.
Authenticity means being connected to your body, your emotions, and your inner sense of truth. This is
another fundamental need we have.

• Ideally, we should be able to experience attachment—being cared for and looked after—while still
LESSON 5 maintaining and expressing our authenticity.

• When this conflict arises, the child may have to give up their authenticity, their sense of self, and their
HOW TRAUMA IMPACTS connection to who they truly are in order to be accepted.
PHYSICAL HEALTH • Not every chronic illness is caused by or contributed to by trauma and emotional factors, but many are.

• You cannot separate the mind from the body, nor emotions from physiology. The nervous system, emotional
system, hormonal system, and immune system are not distinct entities—they are interconnected parts of
a single system. If one part of the system is affected, the others are too.

• Trauma can alter your chromosomes and change the functioning of your genes. It can lead to inflammation,
and traumatized individuals are at a higher risk for autoimmune diseases and cancer.

• The question of healing and becoming whole is essentially the journey of becoming authentic again.

QUOTES :
• The fundamental thing that happened, and the greatest calamity, is not that there was no love or support. The
greater calamity, which is caused by the first calamity is that you lost the connection to your essence. That is
much more important than whether your mother or father loved you or not.
A.H. Almaas

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KEY LEARNINGS:
• Some mental illnesses can begin as adaptations that are wired into our brains from childhood. These
Chapter 1 adaptations may work in the short term but can get in the way in the long term.

H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma. • Depression, for example, involves suppressing or pushing something down.

• What gets pushed down in depression are our emotions. People who are depressed often appear
emotionally flat or numb.

• The brain plays a significant role in mental health conditions.

• Brain development is an ongoing process that begins before birth and continues into adulthood. It is the
experiences acting on the genes that shape our brains, not the genes themselves. The critical influence is
the quality of emotional relationships between the child and their nurturing adults.

• The brain has the capacity to develop new circuits even later in life in response to new experiences. This
LESSON 6 process can lead to healing.

HOW TRAUMA AFFECTS MENTAL AND

EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

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KEY LEARNINGS:
• Addiction is widely misunderstood, there are some false beliefs about it. One us such that is a choice that
Chapter 1 people make, that is a sign of weakness or will or a defect in your character. Other believe is that is a disease
of the brain, significantly inherited,
H: Hear the pain — Listen and understand Trauma.
• This is Gabor’s definition of an addiction: An addiction is manifesting any behaviour in which a person finds
temporary pleasure or relief and therefore craves but then suffers negative consequences and doesn’t give
up despite the harm.

• “Don’t ask why the addiction but why the pain”.

EXERCISES

The Root of addiction

LESSON 7 Write down one addictive behavior and answer the following in your Healing Diary:

EXPLORING THE LINK BETWEEN • Instead of focusing on what was wrong with the addiction, first reflect on what was right

ADDICTION AND TRAUMA

about it.
• What did it give you? A sense of inner peace, control, companionship? What was missing in you
that you were trying to replace? What part of you was trying to soothe? Was it peace, self-love,
or a sense of belonging that you were missing?
• What was the long-term harm or impact that you sustained as a result of the addiction?

As you write, stay mindful and present.

Additional Reflection Questions:

• What are the stresses that might trigger a relapse?

• A relationship problem, a loss, or a crisis in your personal or professional life?

• Can you think of ways to respond to these stresses without engaging in addictive
behavior?
• Are there any alternative responses you can at least imagine?

The Five Steps

Exercise developed by psychiatrist Jeffrey Schwartz, with an additional step added by Gabor Maté.
This exercise is not for people who are substance-dependent.
Practice these actions when you’re not caught in the grip of compulsion.
Rewire your brain by engaging mindfully, fully aware of your body and sensations.
Approach it as a deliberate exercise, allowing yourself to create a small pause and regain control.

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1. Re-label: it’s not that I have to, it’s that I think I have to (it’s not that I’m incompetent, it’s that I
have a thought that I am incompetent
2. Re-attribute: This is my brain sending me an old message. My old brain circuit is programmed
into my history
3. Re-focus: Self-limiting thought
Focus on something else. Focus on a flower, focus on a music
Chapter 2
4. Re-evaluate: This belief that I’m worthless, what has it done for you: shame, isolation, stress. E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to
Write it down regain control and heal from within.
5. Re-create: What kind of life do you imagine for yourself. If you could recreate: how would it be?
Meaning, love, creativity ? Write it down. These other fours were imposed on you, but now if
you could create, you can create

LESSON 8
DEALING WITH TRIGGERS AND
SELF-DESTRUCTIVE REACTIONS
EMERGENCY KIT FOR CRISIS

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 KEY LEARNINGS:
THE EMERGENCY KIT
We can look at triggers in two ways: trying to stay away from them, which is almost impossible, or blaming the person
who triggers us. Or, we can look at what the explosive charge is and ask ourselves, ‘Do I want to hold onto that? EMERGENCY KIT FOR CRISIS
• We don’t react to what happens; we react to our interpretation of what happens.
Here is a toolkit to use in case of an emergency, when you are triggered:
• Usually, of all the possible interpretations of a situation, we tend to choose the worst one.
Ŷ Breathe: If you are really upset, you can do a breathing exercise. There are many, but Gabor recommends
• It’s not actually a choice; your mind leads you to it automatically. 4-7-8: 4 seconds of inhaling, 7 seconds of holding the breath, and 8 seconds of exhaling. Do this 5 times.
While doing it, pay attention to the breath itself.

EXERCISES Ŷ Change body positions: If you are standing, sit down; if you are sitting, go for a walk. Lie down, get
up—change your body position.
The Upset Exercise:

As it was done with the participant, after going through a moment when you felt triggered, ask Ŷ Message in a Bottle : When something triggers us, we lose it. But what do we lose? We lose self-
yourself and write the answer in your Healing Diary: regulation—the capacity to control ourselves.

• What happened? E.g., You are supposed to meet someone, and they didn’t show up. Ŷ Take your healing diary and write down examples in paragraphs or bullet points of times when you
• What was my emotional reaction? (I felt betrayed; no, betrayed is not a feeling—it’s an behaved this way, when you erupted and felt deeply regretful.
interpretation of another person’s behavior. What you felt is hurt, anger, sadness, or irritation.) Ŷ Notice what happens in your body when you write them down. Do this without self-blame.
• Why did I feel hurt, angry, or sad? (What was the core belief or assumption that triggered those Ŷ Write down some words that you might wish to say to yourself in such moments—words that will
emotions?)
calm you down. You can write them down and then record them in your own voice.
• Are there other explanations for the other person’s behavior that don’t match my interpretation?
Ŷ Keep the audio on your phone so that when you are in that state, you can listen to yourself.
Could they have behaved the way they did for reasons other than what I needed to believe?
• How familiar is that reaction and emotion? You will find that it often points right to your
trauma, right to your childhood experience. Before you start the exercise, here is Gabor’s own Message to Himself. If you want, you can also record this
• Who is actually doing this? You may find that it’s not the other person but your own inner on your Voice Memos so that you have it easily accessible
self-doubt, the part of you that doesn’t believe in yourself, that feels unworthy of attention or When you feel deregulated, remember that you probably won’t want to listen to this message. Actually, the
care. Don’t judge or blame yourself for it—this belief itself is an impact of trauma. The more least you want to listen to it, the more you need to listen to it.
you develop self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-value, the less it will matter what others say.

If you do this exercise regularly, you will find that you won’t be as triggered. Your brain won’t jump Ŷ Music playlist : Music speaks to the deepest emotional part of the self.
automatically to the worst possible conclusion. Create a playlist on your audio streaming platform. Call it Emergency Playlist. You can put in there the songs
that work for you to calm your emotions.
If you pay attention to yourself through body awareness, once you notice tension in your body, you Here is Gabor’s list of recommendations :
can stop whatever is going on. Pay attention to it before the eruption. “Wherever there’s tension, it
requires attention. Ŷ TOMASO ALBINONI - Adagio Ŷ LUIZ BONFÁ - Manha de Carnaval
Ŷ BACH - Goldberg Variations, Aria (sung by Elizete Cardoso)
Ŷ BACH - Erbarme Dich Ŷ CAT STEVENS - Morning Has Broken
Ŷ CHOPIN - Nocturnes, #1 in B-Flat Minor Ŷ THE BEATLES - Hey Jude
Ŷ LEONARD COHEN - Come Healing Ŷ ELVIS PRESLEY - Jailhouse Rock
Ŷ MERCEDES SOSA - Gracias a la Vida

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 Ŷ If my heart could speak right now :
Ŷ Photo Album:
Ŷ Put your hand on your heart.
Ŷ Another way to change your emotional state on command are pictures. Are there pictures that
Ŷ You tap in.
instantaneously have a deep calming effect on you ?
Ŷ Is my heart sad ? Let it speak its sadness
Ŷ Gather them in album that you can easily pull out
Ŷ Is my heart happy ?
You will find the pictures that work for Gabor below: Ŷ Does my heart want love
Ŷ Does my heart love
Ŷ Grounding exercise :
Ŷ Avoid thinking while doing this exercise and focus on the pure sensation:
Ŷ Observe five objects closely, noticing their shape and color;
Ŷ Touch five objects, feeling their texture, dryness, or moisture;
Ŷ Smell five objects, close your eyes, and let the scent enter through your nose and go directly to your
brain;
Ŷ Close your eyes and listen to your surroundings, identify the sources of five sounds, sense their
proximity or distance, listen to how the sounds intertwine.
Ŷ While doing this, breathe slowly and deeply.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ The fundamental message of this masterclass is that your traumas don’t need to limit you. They can actually
be a source of learning, growth and transformation.
Chapter 2
Ŷ Compassionate Inquiry: The belief is that the answers are all within ourselves: by asking the right questions
E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to compassionately, an answer might emerge.
regain control and heal from within. Ŷ For Gabor Maté, everyone should find the right approach for themselves. He recommends his own work as
well as the work of his colleagues. Check resources below for complete references.
Ŷ Gabor Maté also recommend therapies such as: EMDR and brainspotting. For Gabor, Buddha was one of the
greatest psychologists of all time, as he understood the human mind like few other people. Meditation and
yoga are also practices he recommends that can have great results.
Ŷ The recommended options are modalities that understand trauma and address both the body and the
nervous system.
Ŷ The most important aspect of therapy is how you feel. Trust your gut when it comes to healing. In therapy,
evaluate your relationship with your therapist.
LESSON 9 Ŷ Don’t try to overthink whether you’re healing; instead, ask yourself: Compared to a year ago, am I more
comfortable with myself? Am I more self-regulated, more confident? Do I have more self-compassion? If the
STRATEGIES AND THERAPIES FOR answer to any of these is ‘yes,’ then you are making progress.

HEALING TRAUMA QUOTES :

Poem by Rumi :
“This being human is a guest house. The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Every morning a new arrival. meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes Be grateful for whoever comes,
as an unexpected visitor. because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

Quote from Rumi about daily practice :

“Submit to a daily practice. Your loyalty to that is a ring at the door. Keep knocking, and the joy inside will eventually open
a window and look out to see who’s there.”

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 RESOURCES: Belly:
• Focus on the area around and below the navel.
Ŷ BESSEL VAN DER KOLK - The Body Keeps the Score • Observe sensations such as fluttering, tightness, burning, or relaxation.
Ŷ PETER A. LEVINE - Waking the Tiger, In an Unspoken Voice (Somatic Experiencing works) • Note if any emotion is associated with these sensations.
Ŷ RICHARD SCHWARTZ - Internal Family Systems, No Bad Parts
Lower Body:
Ŷ LAURENCE HELLER AND BRAD J. KAMMER - The Practical Guide for Healing Developmental Trauma • Shift attention to the pelvic area and legs.
Ŷ KRISTIN NEFF - Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself • Observe tension, pain, or relaxation in these areas.
Ŷ BYRON KATIE - Loving What Is
Ŷ SHARON SALZBERG - Loving Kindness Addressing Areas of Tension or Pain:
• Bring attention to any area of tension or pain in your body.
Ŷ TARA BRACH - Radical Compassion
• Without trying to change or analyze, ask the question:
Ŷ ECKHART TOLLE - The Power of Now, A New Earth
“What are you trying to tell me?”
Ŷ A. H. ALMAAS - Diamond Heart: Elements of the Real in Man
• Allow any spontaneous answers to arise without overthinking.
• If no answer comes, leave the question open and simply observe.
EXERCISES
Closing with the Breath:
Apply a Healing Modality • Repeat the 4-7-8 breathing technique two more times, guiding yourself through the counts.
Choose one healing modality and create a personal action plan for integrating it into daily life.
Conclusion:
Daily Practice • End the practice with gratitude for your effort.
Breathing Exercise (4-7-8 Method):
Write it down:
• Step 1: Inhale through the nostrils for a count of 4.
• Write down in your Healing Diary your experiences during the daily practice.
• Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of 7.
• Note any reflections or insights that arise after the practice.
• Step 3: Exhale through pursed lips for a count of 8 (create gentle resistance).
• Record any questions or thoughts the practice leaves you with.
• Step 4: Repeat this process three times:
• Spend a few minutes documenting these observations.
• The first cycle is guided by counting aloud. • Over time, review your entries to notice any shifts or patterns as you continue the daily practice.
• You complete the next two cycles on your own.

Body Awareness – Sequential Observation:

Jaws:
• Focus on your jaws.
• Notice if they are tight, relaxed, or tense. Just observe without trying to change anything.

Throat:
• Shift attention to your throat.
• Observe openness, relaxation, tightness, or constriction.
• If tension is present, notice if any emotion (fear, sadness, anger) is connected.

Chest:
• Move attention to your chest and torso.
• Notice tightness, constriction, or relaxation and spaciousness.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Aspects of compassion in healing:
Ŷ Gabor Mate’s Five A’s of Healing:
Chapter 2
Ŷ Authenticity
E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to Ŷ Agency
regain control and heal from within. Ŷ Anger
Ŷ Acceptance
Ŷ Awareness
Ŷ Gabor sees forgiveness not as something you do, but as something that happens. When someone says,
‘I forgive you’ they usually mean that they don’t.
Ŷ To understand is to forgive.’ If you truly understand something, forgiveness follows almost automatically.
When you heal, there’s less hurt, and when you fully heal, you realize there’s no damage. And if there’s no
damage, there’s nothing to forgive.

LESSON 10
PRACTICAL APPROACHES
AND EXERCISES

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Aspects of compassion in healing:
Ŷ The Ordinary Human Compassion: The most common; we feel bad when we see a fellow creature
Chapter 2 suffering.
E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to Ŷ The Compassion of Recognition: Seeing in yourself what you see in others. This one doesn’t apply as
regain control and heal from within. much for the purposes of self-work.
Ŷ The Compassion of Understanding: It is not enough to feel bad that somebody else or we are suffering;
we need to seek to understand where that suffering came from. What is it all about? Understanding the
source of the suffering.
Ŷ The Compassion of Truth: It is very compassionate to understand the truth. If the pain is there, face it.
Our attempts to escape from pain are what create a lot of our suffering. You are not being compassionate to
yourself when you keep the truth from yourself.
Ŷ The Compassion of Possibility: The most difficult. When you are looking at a fellow human being, are
you looking at the human being, or at his/her circumstances? What do you see? We are programmed
LESSON 11 to see the surface. True compassion sees the possible and the actual human that is there.

HOW TO INTEGRATE EXERCISES

COMPASSIONATE INQUIRY IN YOUR Choose my Compassion
DAILY LIFE? Take your Healing Diary.
Write the 5 Compassions.
Choose the compassion that has the best effect on the relationship you have with yourself.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ One healing modality is to gain a deeper understanding of our relationship with nature.
Chapter 2 Ŷ Indigenous communities have maintained an ancestral connection with nature from which we can learn.
Ŷ Our industrial and contemporary society has led us to a way of living that often separates us from our
E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to connection with the environment, animals, food, and water. As a result, the sacred dimension of these
regain control and heal from within. relationships may be perceived as lost.

LESSON 12
RECONNECTING WITH NATURE AND
YOUR BODY FOR HEALING

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ “Most of our tensions and frustrations stem from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not.” —
János (Hans) Selye, M.D., The Stress of Life
Chapter 2
Ŷ The elemental root of authenticity is the Greek word autos, meaning “self,” which is closely related to “author”
E: Empower yourself to heal — Offer strategies to and “authority.” To be authentic is to be true to a sense of self that arises from one’s own unique and genuine
regain control and heal from within. essence—it’s about being plugged into this internal GPS and navigating from it. A healthy sense of self
does not preclude caring for others or being affected by them. It is not rigid, but expansive and inclusive.
Authenticity’s only dictate is that we, not externally imposed expectations, be true to the author and authority
of our own life. —Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal
Ŷ What we can learn is not how to become authentic, but how to notice when we are not being authentic.
Ŷ One of the major ways our lack of authenticity shows up is when we fail to say no. There is a “no” that wants
to be said, but for some reason, we don’t say it.

LESSON 13 EXERCISES

Saying NO
CULTIVATING AUTHENTICITY Ask yourself and write down the answer in your Healing Diary:
RECONNECTING WITH • Where in my life do I have difficulty to say no (Professional ? Personal ? Etc.)
YOUR TRUE SELF • What is the impact of your difficulty to say no ? Fatigue ? Stress ? Resentment ?
• What is the belief behind it ? For example, If I say no, he won’t like me. Or I’m being selfish, etc.
• Where did you learn these beliefs ? Can you try to remember who made you think that in the first
place ?
• Who would you be if you didn’t think that ? You would be a free person ?
• While you can’t say no to things you don’t want to do, can you list all the things that you can’t
say yes to, just because you’re stuck with the things you can’t say no to. People have desires and
creative urges : they’re so busy not saying no that they’re no space to have what they really want

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ We always choose partners at the same level of wound and trauma resolution that we are at. Their history
of trauma might not look like yours; the contours and events may seem entirely different, but the wounds
Chapter 3 and the degree of wounding could be similar. Keep in mind that trauma is not what happened to you, but
A: Align your relationships — Foster healthier what happened inside you.
connections with others by healing relational wounds Ŷ What Is Essential for Relational Healing?
Ŷ First of all, that you value truth, in the sense that you are willing to look at yourself and what you are
bringing to this relationship. It is not a question of how I can change the other to be the person I want
to be with, but rather, in what way am I showing up that is creating problems in this relationship?
This takes a lot of listening. Can we create a space to listen to each other? There has to be mutual
commitment and curiosity about my experience and the experience of the other.
Ŷ It also involves getting in touch with the other ways of knowing mentioned by Gabor: the intellect,
the heart knowing, and the gut knowing.
Ŷ Intentional thinking is the belief that you know the other person’s intentions (but you actually don’t).
LESSON 14 Ŷ Check, notice, and be curious about your assumptions. What are you assuming about the other person?
You are not the one making them; it is actually your mind and your programming. What do I believe about
HEALING AS A COUPLE them? You can say: “When you said this, I interpreted it as a rejection. Is that what you meant?
NAVIGATING TRAUMA TOGETHER RESOURCES:
Ŷ HARVILLE HENDRIX - Getting the Love You Want
Ŷ TERRENCE REAL - Relational Life Therapy (therapy and books)
Ŷ MICHAEL BROWN - The Presence Process
Ŷ ESTHER PEREL - Books by Esther Perel
Ŷ BYRON KATIE - Loving What Is

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 EXERCISES
Benefits of Metta Practice:
Set an intention for each discussion : • Emotional Healing: Helps release anger, resentment, and fear.
Before every conversation, set an intention—have an intentional conversation. Set your intention: • Improved Relationships: Fosters empathy and compassion towards others.
Is it to be heard, or to hear and listen? Have an idea of what you want out of this exchange. You can • Inner Peace: Encourages self-acceptance and a sense of universal connection.
write it down or state it together. • Resilience: Strengthens your ability to handle conflict and challenges with equanimity.
Practical Tip for Couples:
Write down in your Healing Diary or talk to each other about this: Are we willing to grow together?
Sometimes there’s a hidden intention, which is: I just want to be right. Are you willing to be vulnerable? In a relationship context, couples can practice Metta together by:
What does it mean to be vulnerable? Notice your patterns when feelings of hurt arise. • Sitting side by side or facing each other.
• Repeating the phrases silently or aloud for themselves, their partner, and the relationship as
Check-in questions : a whole.
Check your assumptions: What assumptions am I making about the other person right now? What • Sharing reflections after the meditation to deepen understanding and connection.
am I believing? It might be true, it might not, but at least be aware of what you are assuming.

Metta Practice :
1) Preparation:
• Sit in a comfortable position with a straight spine.
• Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
• Take a few deep breaths to settle your mind and focus your attention.
2) Sending Loving-Kindness to Yourself:
• Begin by directing kind thoughts towards yourself. Repeat phrases silently, such as:
• May I be happy.
• May I be healthy.
• May I be safe.
• May I live with ease.
• Visualize yourself surrounded by warmth and love, or imagine a golden light enveloping you.
3) Extending Loving-Kindness to Others:
• Gradually expand the circle of compassion:
• A Loved One: Think of someone you care about deeply. Repeat the same phrases for
them.
4) Closing the Practice:
• Reflect on the sense of connection and goodwill you’ve cultivated.
• Take a few moments to breathe deeply and gently return to the present moment.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ Trauma shows up in parenting. Trauma is almost always multigenerational; whatever traumas you have
experienced, you are very likely to pass them on to your children.
Chapter 3
Ŷ As a therapist once said: “Kids swim in their parents’ unconscious like fish swim in the sea.”
A: Align your relationships — Foster healthier Ŷ Kids are “acting out” their conflicts, emotions, frustrations, and confusions.
connections with others by healing relational wounds Ŷ As parents, we can either respond to their behavior or we can respond to the message. When we respond
to their behavior, we miss the message the child is desperately trying to communicate. It’s our task to
understand what that message is. This doesn’t mean we have to accept unacceptable behavior.
Ŷ The question we must ask ourselves is: What is the ultimate goal? Is it that our kids should behave well,
or that they should develop well? Often, what we do to impose good behavior actually undermines their
development.

RESOURCES:
LESSON 15 Ŷ It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle - by
Mark Wolynn
TRAUMA AND PARENTING, PART 1 Ŷ Parenting From the Inside Out - by Daniel J. Siegel
Ŷ The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children - by Shefali Tsabary
BREAKING THE CYCLE
EXERCISES

Guided practice
Read a guided practice focused on cultivating empathy and compassion within the relationship, such
as the Buddhist Metta (loving-kindness) exercise. Encourage couples to express and receive loving-
kindness towards each other, fostering a deeper emotional connection and resilience.

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ Resilience is the capacity to overcome adversity, to let go of what doesn’t work, to adapt and to mature. Like
a rubber ball that bounces back, resilience allows us to return to where we were—but with the capacity
Chapter 3 to go beyond it. The very opposite of trauma is growth: trauma is a constriction, resilience is expansion and
A: Align your relationships — Foster healthier growth.
connections with others by healing relational wounds Ŷ There’s an interpersonal bridge between the parent and the child. On that bridge, we communicate, we
give, and we receive. We often perceive it as one-way (parent to child), but the parent receives as well.
Ideally, there’s nothing the child can do that should break that bridge. It doesn’t matter what the child
does—the bridge must remain stable.
Ŷ If the emotional bridge is broken, don’t make the child repair it by saying things like, ‘I’ll love you again after
you apologize.’ That makes the child work to repair a bridge that should never have been broken in the first
place.
Ŷ According to Dr. Edward Tronick, rupture is almost inevitable in human life—not only inevitable but
necessary for healthy growth. It’s not that your actions directly cause ruptures, but that you recognize they
LESSON 16 will happen. The key is in the repairs: if there is rupture and repair, the child will learn resilience. The child
will learn that they can feel sad, disconnected, but that the connection will come back.

TRAUMA AND PARENTING, PART 2 Ŷ Child’s Irreducible Needs (Gordon Neufeld):

Ŷ The attachment relationship: The child feels unconditionally accepted, loved, cherished, valued, seen,
RAISING RESILIENT CHILDREN and heard. The parent must be attuned to the child.
Ŷ To rest: The child doesn’t have to work to make the relationship work. There’s nothing they have to do
to earn love, and nothing they could do to lose it. The child is not there to meet the emotional needs
of the parent.
Ŷ To have all the emotions they are wired for accepted when expressed, understood, validated, and
mirrored.
Ŷ Free, spontaneous play with playmates of different ages, under the wise and careful observation of
the parents.

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 KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ Accept Loved Ones as They Are: Understand that you cannot change someone’s emotional journey.
Support them by accepting their path and loving them unconditionally, even if they do not express their
Chapter 3 feelings openly.
A: Align your relationships — Foster healthier Ŷ Recognize Subtle Expressions of Love: Pay attention to the small ways a person may show love,
connections with others by healing relational wounds gratitude, or joy—like smiling, laughing, or playing. These moments demonstrate connection and care,
even if they aren’t verbally communicated.
Ŷ Avoid Assumptions About Emotions: Don’t assume what someone does or doesn’t feel. Instead, focus
on being present and offering a safe, loving environment where they can share if and when they are ready.

LESSON 17
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WHO HAS
EXPERIENCED TRAUMA

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KEY LEARNINGS:
Ŷ One of the hardest things to do is to keep a good habit.
Chapter 4 Ŷ In Buddhist psychology, as described by Thích Nhất Hạnh, imagine we have good seeds and bad seeds/
Which flower will depend on which one we will water. Check in which seeds you nurture today.
L: Lifelong Healing — How to integrate routines in Ŷ In order to work on your limiting beliefs you can work on relabeling, that would be thinking (and writing
your life so that your healing lasts all your life down): Is not that I’m a failure, I have this though that I’m a failure. Is not that I’m a bad parent, I have this
though that I’m a bad parent.
Ŷ “We are nothing more or less than the sum of that which we could not control – our biology, our environments,
their interactions” — Robert Sapolsky For Gabor this quote is almost right, “your goal is to gain freedom, so
you are just not dominated!”
Ŷ Expect the unexpected but don’t let it define you.

EXERCISES
LESSON 18
Daily Practice

ROUTINES AND HABITS TO BE Breathing Exercise (4-7-8 Method):

• Step 1: Inhale through the nostrils for a count of 4.
HEALED FOR LIFE • Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of 7.
• Step 3: Exhale through pursed lips for a count of 8 (create gentle resistance).
AND AVOID RELAPSING • Step 4: Repeat this process three times:
• The first cycle is guided by counting aloud.
• You complete the next two cycles on your own.
Body Awareness – Sequential Observation:
Jaws:
• Focus on your jaws.
• Notice if they are tight, relaxed, or tense. Just observe without trying to change anything.

Throat:
• Shift attention to your throat.
• Observe openness, relaxation, tightness, or constriction.
• If tension is present, notice if any emotion (fear, sadness, anger) is connected.

Chest:
• Move attention to your chest and torso.
• Notice tightness, constriction, or relaxation and spaciousness.

Belly:
• Focus on the area around and below the navel.
• Observe sensations such as fluttering, tightness, burning, or relaxation.
• Note if any emotion is associated with these sensations.

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 Lower Body: Gabor’s Weekly Routine
• Shift attention to the pelvic area and legs. • Take Your Healing Diary from the end. This part will be exclusively dedicated to the Weekly
• Observe tension, pain, or relaxation in these areas. Routine
• Pick an episode where you reacted out of proportion
Addressing Areas of Tension or Pain: • First, write down what happened, the facts
• Bring attention to any area of tension or pain in your body. • Second, write down your emotional reactions. How did you feel
• Without trying to change or analyze, ask the question: • Then, why you think you felt that way. What was your interpretation of the behaviour of the
“What are you trying to tell me?” person who did that to you
• Now, are there any other possible explanations of his/her behavior that hurt you. Imagine the
• Allow any spontaneous answers to arise without overthinking.
other possible explanations and write them down
• If no answer comes, leave the question open and simply observe.
• Now notice: which of all those explanations is the most painful for you. Usually, it will be the
Closing with the Breath: one you chose
• Repeat the 4-7-8 breathing technique two more times, guiding yourself through the counts. • But, you didn’t really choose it. the other explanations never even occurred to you.
• What kind of person does get abandoned ? Someone who’s not lovable : who’s the one that
Conclusion: actually abandons you --> it’s you yourself --> if you believed that you were lovable
• End the practice with gratitude for your effort. • Who would you be if you didn’t think that way
• Last, write a statement on this paper. I understand why I acted this way. I understand the
Write it down: mechanism but i don’t want it and i’d like to get rid of it. Then sign the paper. Tear it down.
• Write down in your Healing Diary your experiences during the daily practice.
• Note any reflections or insights that arise after the practice. Gabor’s Weekly Garden Meditation
• Record any questions or thoughts the practice leaves you with. Meditate and then make 3 parts of a page on your Healing Diary :
• Spend a few minutes documenting these observations. • Write the things you want to get rid off, then rip them apart.
• Over time, review your entries to notice any shifts or patterns as you continue the daily practice. • Write the things you want to trim and underline them
• Write the things you want to grow and circle them .

Visual Mood board

Watching this Masterclass, you might have had moments of truth.
The idea of this exercise is to put concrete manifestations of these moments of truth in your direct
environment.
• It can be a visual mood board divided into sections: Relationship, Self-love, Career goal,
Calmness.
• In each of these categories, you can put physical objects that give you the feeling or achievement
you are looking for. It can be magazines, drawings, words, photos, etc. It can also be objects, or
quotes of the masterclass that particularly impacted you
• Now keep this vision board in a visible place so that it is in your environment and accompanying
you.

Gratitude Jar
This exercise is meant to feed feelings of gratitude in you life. This is meant to be a weekly exercise.
1. Open your Healing Diary and answer those questions
2. Can you remember feeling gratitude in past moments ?
3. If you can’t get there right don’t put pressure on yourself, you can pass sometimes
4. If you can recall those moments, describe them in the back part of your Healing Diary, you can
describe what happened and how it felt to you.

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