Interpersonal Conflict
and Conflict Management
Ariana Dmytrenko
Interpersonal conflict is a disagreement between
or among connected individuals who perceive their
goals as incompatible: close friends, lovers,
colleagues, family members
Conflict occurs when people:
are interdependent
are mutually aware that their goals
are incompatible
perceive each other as interfering
with the attainment of their own goals
the greater the interdependency,
the greater the number of issues
on which conflict can center, and
the greater the impact of the conflict
and the conflict management
interaction on the individuals and
on the relationship.
Myths about
Interpersonal Conflict
1) Conflict is best avoided. Time will generally solve
any problem; most difficulties blow over given time.
2) If two people experience relationship conflict, it
means their relationship is in trouble; conflict is a
sign of a troubled relationship.
3) Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship.
4) Conflict is destructive because it reveals our
negative selves—our pettiness, our need to be
in control, our unreasonable expectations.
5) In any conflict, there has to be a winner and a
loser. Because goals are incompatible, someone has
to win and someone has to lose.
Interpersonal
Conflict Issues:
intimacy issues
power issues
personal flaws issues
personal distance issues
social issues
distrust issues
5
Principles of
1) Conflict Is Inevitable
2) Conflict Can Have Negative and Positive Effects
3) Conflict Can Focus on Content
and/or Relationship Issues
4) Conflict Styles Have Consequences
Interpersonal 5) Conflict Is Influenced by Culture
Conflict
Negative Effects Positive Effects
conflicts: conflicts:
increase negative feelings force to examine a problem and
involve unfair fighting methods work toward a potential solution
and focus largely on hurting using productive strategies your
the other person relationship is likely to become
deplete energy stronger, healthier, and more
lead you to close yourself off satisfying than it was before.
from the other individual prevent hostilities and
create barriers to intimacy resentments from festering
Conflict
Content Issues Relationship Issues
center on objects, events, and are concerned with the relationships
persons in the world that are between the individuals—with such
usually external to the people issues as who’s in charge, the equality
involved in the conflict or lack of it in the relationship, and who
has the right to establish rules of behavior
Conflict Styles:
Competing—I Win, You Lose
Avoiding—I Lose, You Lose
Accommodating—I Lose, You Win
Collaborating—I Win, You Win
Compromising—I Win and Lose,
You Win and Lose
Culture influence
Topics
Nature of Conflict
Conflict Strategies
Organizational Norms
Conflict
Management
Stages
by John Dewey
6 “thinking hats”
The negative
The fact hat The feeling hat
argument hat
1 2 3
The positive The creative The control
benefits hat new idea hat of thinking hat
4 5 6
Communicating Equality
Avoid “should” and “ought” statements
Make requests and avoid demands
Avoid interrupting
Acknowledge the other person’s
contributions before expressing your own.
Use “I see,” “I understand,” or “That’s right”
Recognize that different cultures treat
equality very differently
Conflict Management
Strategies:
1) Win–Lose and Win–Win Strategies
(1) A wins, B loses;
(2) A loses, B wins;
(3) A loses, B loses;
(4) A wins, B wins.
2) Avoidance and Active
Fighting Strategies
Avoidence
Nonnegotiation
Silencers
3) Force and Talk Strategies
Suggestions for talking and listening
more effectively in the conflict situation:
Act the role of the listener
Express your support or empathy
State your thoughts and feelings
4) Face-Attacking and Face-Enhancing
Strategies: Politeness in Conflict
Face-attacking strategies
Face-enhancing strategies
Beltlining
5) Verbal Aggressiveness
and Argumentativeness Strategies
The factors that influence
which strategy you choose:
Goals
Emotional state
Cognitive assessment
Personality and communication competence
Family history
Summary:
Interpersonal conflict is neither good nor bad; but, depending
on how the disagreements are resolved, the conflict can
strengthen or weaken a relationship.
Interpersonal conflict is inevitable and have both negative
and positive effects.
Conflict may be pursued with different styles, each of which has
different consequences.
Examine the possible solutions: look for win–win solutions.
Argue the issues, focusing as objectively as possible on the points
of disagreement; use talk to discuss the issues.
