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HUSBAND AND WIFE: THEIR ROLE IN THE HOME

INTRODUCTION
There is no perfect marriage. In a marital relationship, it is necessary to give

but ask less, praise more and criticize less, listen more and speak less,
understand more and censor less. Happiness in marriage is not automatic.
She needs to be won over step by step. It is impossible to find harmony and
happiness in marriage without understanding what the Bible says about the roles
specific to the husband and wife in marriage.
Illustration: the pilot and the co-pilot.

Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?Can two people walk together if they are not in agreement?
A kingdom divided internally is doomed to ruin. A city or family divided against itself.
itself will be destroyed.Matthew 12:25

THE FUNCTION OF DAESPOSANOLAR

One of the most worn-out words of our days is submission. That's why,
many women feel hives when they hear that they should be submissive
to their husbands. It is necessary to make it clear that submission does not imply inferiority.

The woman is the link that connects husband and children. For this reason, she is, for many

sometimes, the balance point of the home. A virtuous woman is capable of making her home
a little heaven of happiness and joy in Christ.

1.1 WHAT SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN

Submission does not mean the inferiority of women.
Submission does not mean that a woman is inferior to a man. The woman is not
doormat of the husband. She is neither your maid nor your employee. Being submissive does not

means being passive, muted, voiceless and without a say. In the divine plan, women never
She was not taken from the feet to be stepped on by him, nor from the
head to reign over him, but from the rib, to be beside him, to be protected
for him and to be the center of his affection. She is the suitable helper of her husband, the one who

that looks him in the eyes, as equals.

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2. Submission is not placing the husband's will above the will of Christ.
Christ is now her Lord and, for love of her Lord, she will be submissive to him.
your husband, but he is not her Lord. So whenever she needs to choose
between the two, she chooses Jesus. If the husband says, 'Let's pull a scam' or 'Let's
participating in an orgy,” the wife's decision must be clear: “I stay with Jesus.”
Submission does not mean slavery
Jesus called the man to lead the home with sacrificial love and exemplified it.
this loving leadership by the life of a servant.

Submission does not mean male autonomy or nullifying the wife.

Submission at home does not mean that the man makes all the decisions.
regardless of any consultation or opinion of the other members of the
family. What foolishness for the husband to stifle the gifts of the person that God has placed in our

side to complete us.

1.2 WHAT SUBMISSION MEANS
Biblical submission requires a supernatural work in the woman's heart
The natural tendency of a woman is to resist her husband's leadership, and just like
the natural tendency of man is to subjugate woman, how to return to the biblical standard

of complementarity, harmony, and peace in roles at home?

Submission is voluntary and spontaneous.
The Bible says: "Husbands, submit to your wives!" Submission is something
voluntary, which must blossom in the heart of the woman.
The submission of the wife is an order, not an option.
Female submission in the home exalts the beauty of the existing relationship.
between the church and Christ.

Submission means respecting the husband.

Paul commands that "the woman respect her husband" (Eph 5:33), and Peter speaks of
chaste and respectful conduct of the woman (1 Peter 3:2).
2. THE FUNCTION OF DOMARIDO NOLAR

Biblical love requires a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit.

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The biblical love is offered by the husband, and not demanded by the wife.
Husbands are urged to love their wives unconditionally, not
only if the wife is submissive. On the contrary, husbands should love their wives
in obedience to the Lord and because of the example of Christ's love.

The biblical love of the husband is a command, not an option.

Biblical love is a choice, not an emotion.

Everything in our culture points to the idea that true love is a
feeling, a set of hormones that thrill and that is eternal as long as
hard.
2.1 ERRORS OF HUSBANDS TO BE AVOIDED:
a. Authoritarian husband - does not accept opposition or suggestions.

b. Democratic husband - every decision is made by vote and the husband avoids his
responsibilities.
c. Stubborn husband – never admits his mistakes.
d. Insensitive husband - does not consider the opinions or feelings of others.
consideration.
g. Grumpy husband - always in a bad mood; nothing is right.
h. Critical husband - always criticizes wife and children; never encourages or praises.

i. Indecisive husband – does not take a stand and does not decide; does not make a decision

when necessary.
Husband clown - never takes anything seriously; everything is treated as if it were

joke.
3. PRACTICAL EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE TO EMBRACE YOUR WIFE

Kindness

This is a practical expression of love.

Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
1Pe 3:7 "Giving honor to the woman as the weaker vessel"
We should be kind to our wives. It is very common to see men
being kind to other women and careless and harsh with their own
wives.
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The woman is the most fragile vessel: more sensitive and emotionally delicate.
Woman like a Rose

2. SACRIFICE AND SELF-DENIAL(HUSBAND'S EXPRESSION OF LOVE)

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and
he gave himself for her

3. SANCTIFIER (EXPRESSION OF THE HUSBAND'S LOVE)

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to sanctify her, having
purified by the washing of water by the word, to present himself the church
glorious, without spot, or wrinkle, or anything similar, but holy and without defect
5.25-27).

True love sanctifies the relationship. When there is love, the relationship
turns the other person more holy, more pure, more happy, more full of life, more
next to God. Where there are fights, disputes, hurt, suffering, and tears, there is not.

true love is present.

4. PROTECTION (EXPRESSION OF THE HUSBAND'S LOVE)

Likewise, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who
But a man loves his wife as he loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh;
before, he feeds and takes care of it, just as Christ does with the church. Eph. 5:28-29

God created man to be a protector. He gave him the ability and the inclination.
to defend. He is the person who will fight against the enemy, take the worst, and protect.
those under your care. He has the responsibility to ensure their well-being.
of everyone and keep them safe.
One of the greatest needs of a woman is the support of her husband. God
call the widows "helpless", for a widow is someone who has lost her
husband, who was her support.

5. ROMANTIC LOVE (EXPRESSION OF THE HUSBAND'S LOVE)

Cultivate in your heart this love for your wife. Fall in love with her,
value her, give her your appreciation and your love. Romantic love must be
cultivated, nourished, and watered every day with noble words, gestures, and attitudes.
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This way you will make your spouse happy and yourself too... and God will share the
your joy.
APPLICATION
The man is the brain, the woman is the heart.

The brain produces light, the heart produces love.

Men were created to reflect the power, love, and self-sacrifice of
Lord Jesus.
Women were created to reflect sensitivity, grace, and beauty.
the bride he redeemed. And marriage was created to reflect the covenant and the
union of Christ and his bride.

THE NOLAR COMMUNICATION

Efésios 4:25-32
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Therefore, leaving behind lying, let each one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members.
of each other. Be 26angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,27don't give place to
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devil. Let him who stole steal no more; rather, let him work, doing with his own hands what is
Good, so that there is something to help the needy. Let29 no word come out of your mouth
clumsy, and only to what is good for building up, as needed, and thus conveys
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thanks to those who listen. And do not grieve the Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of
redemption.31 Away from you, all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and slander, and likewise all
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malice. Instead, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other
others, as God forgave you in Christ.

INTRODUCTION
Smart, respectful, and harmonious communication is at the core of a
healthy family relationship. We can either bring life to or kill the relationship
depending on how we communicate. The Word of God says that "the
death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov 18:21). Conflicts within the home are
generated by insufficient communication.
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How complicated it is to communicate. There are not a few times that we want to say

we ended up conveying something else. There is a very funny illustration that

show this misunderstanding in communication.

Illustration
A couple decided to spend their vacation on a beach in the Caribbean. Due to work problems, the woman

She cannot travel with her husband. The agreement was that he would go first and she would arrive later.

days later.

When the man arrived and went to his hotel room, he saw that there was a computer with
internet access. So he decided to send an email to his wife. But the problem is that
he misspelled a letter and without realizing it sent the email to another person.

Coincidentally, the email was received by a widow who had just returned from the funeral.
of your husband. So she thought it was her husband who had died who sent the
email.

The email said the following:

Dear wife: I arrived well! You must be surprised to receive an email from me, right?
Really? But now there is a computer here and we can send emails to our loved ones.

I just arrived and I already made sure that everything is ready for your arrival. You are going to

arrive next Friday.

I really want to see you and I hope your trip is as interesting as mine.

Note: Don’t bring much clothing, because it’s scorching hot here!

Note: Due to the friendship I have already made, the very boss of the place has already said that he will welcome you.
in person!

When she finished reading the email, the widow fainted.

Just see what a wrong email can do?

We hardly ever think about the way we communicate. It seems that
our words do not carry much weight.
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It is in our home, in the family, that the challenge of good communication takes on

an even greater importance. Although there are no magic formulas, nor recipes
ready, there are some principles to be followed if we want to improve the
communication in the family.

Transition phrase: We seek to simply analyze the main

problems involved in communication and the biblical way to resolve them.
WHAT TO DO?
1. TRAIN YOUR EARS TO HEAR CORRECTLY
The Bible says that everyone should be ready to listen. Perhaps you think:
But if I have ears then I will always hear. But that's not how it works.
ear. If the mechanical and spontaneous function of the auditory apparatus were enough, God

there would be no need to send those who have ears to hear: "Therefore, if you have ears to hear...

Listen, then listen to what the Spirit of God says to the churches” (Rev 2:7 - NTLH).

This means we need to learn to listen clearly in order to

to hear the truth and not just what we want to hear; the feeling and not just
the noise; the discourse and not just the words. For that, it is necessary to train the ear.
A small misunderstanding in a family conversation can lead to a
big conflict. The worst part is that later the misunderstanding turns into an argument.
but heated by emotions, that's when no one really listens to anyone.
Usually, the excuses we hear from people who do not make an effort
to have a good dialogue in the family are:
Husbands: I can't talk to my wife. She talks a lot, all the time.
Everything, hardly lets me speak and still understands everything wrong!
Wives: I can't talk to my husband. He stays silent, leaves me
talking to myself and, when I finish speaking, he goes back to doing what he was.
doing it, without caring about what I said.
My son/daughter does not listen to me, does not have the patience to hear my
advice. You are always anxious and irritated for me to finish talking soon. And,
instead of opening your heart and expressing what is needed, you respond with words
monosyllabic.
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Children: My parents don't understand me, they don't pay attention to what I say.

They start criticizing what I said before I even finish speaking.

In general, this is how families behave when it comes to dialogue.
What each one needs to do is train their ear to grasp the message.
that the other wishes to convey. When this happens, a lot is revealed and the bond
among people it strengthens.
There is a saying that goes: "Speaking is silver, listening is gold."

Remember this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to listen

MUCH MORE THAN MERE WORDS

The first important point we have to learn is that when we

we include various other factors that, if not interpreted
they completely distort what is intended to be said:

Men and women have distinct characteristics that influence their

communication. They rarely want to say the same thing when using the same
word. For example, when a woman says: "I feel like you never
she doesn't expect the word to ever be taken so literally. It is
just one way to express a frustration. Men take these
expressions, mistakenly, literally.
One of the great challenges for men is to interpret and support correctly.
a woman when she is talking about her feelings.
The biggest challenge for a woman is to interpret and support correctly a
a man when he is not talking, when he uses silence as a means of
communication. Our origin, how we were created, has a direct influence on our
communication. There are people who cannot express themselves due to the simple fact that

they have not been trained to speak. Others do not speak because they learned that

communicating your feelings can often bring results

unpleasant, the risk of not being understood. It is the fear due to
past frustrations.
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The feelings, tensions, and worries experienced in the hours before a dialogue,
or even the circumstances that surround it usually dictate the rhythm and the
content of a conversation.

3. IMPEDIMENTS TO COMMUNICATION
Gary Collins claims that communication problems harm life.
familiar.
Communication obstacles arise when family members do not know
how to talk about your feelings or express them clearly. Some families have issues
what are taboos. They never talk about money, sex, spiritual issues or feelings.
In other cases, people never laugh when they are at home, rarely say what
they think, do not listen, only speak by shouting, or only communicate sarcastically or
destructive. Some people send double messages: The words say one thing,
but the actions say otherwise, completely different. It is difficult for a family to face.
a crisis when the members cannot communicate properly.

Jaime Kemp lists four things that hinder our communication.

There are people who do not have the ability to converse with others. They
never learned to share openly with another person and also
have difficulty forming words.
There are people who are afraid to open up about what they think and feel. They
they do not want to run the risk of being offended if someone disagrees with them.

3. There are people who take the attitude that talking doesn't solve anything, so why

communicate?
4. There are people who believe they have nothing to offer. They think their ideas
they have no value. They have a very low self-image and as a result, they avoid

[to express] personal comments or feelings.

Other problems make communication even more difficult.
1. Mutual suppression. The silent family. Everyone refuses to express their ideas and
feelings.
2. One-sided communication. Only one person communicates and demands communication.
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3.Intellectual communication. Speech reveals only what is in the mind, not

in the heart.
4. Indirect communication. Communicating through third parties (friends, relatives or...

children).
5. Communication limited to fights and moments of irritation. Ideas and emotions are
demonstrated only to offend the other.
6. Communication through physical demonstrations. An extreme problem:
Violence, aggression, manipulations.
Cases 5 and 6 are the most extreme and pave the way for the famous ones.
"shanties"; hence the popular expression "barraqueiro" or "barraqueira".

GOOD COMMUNICATION IS POSSIBLE, WITH CERTAIN CARES

For a marriage to work and be happy, the spouses need to know each other.
to know exactly what the other thinks and how they feel in every situation. And this is only

it is possible if the lines of communication remain open.

Husbands and wives sometimes mistakenly think that the best alternative
for a boring word or argument from the spouse is silence. Only that this
silence can be stressful enough to take them to the hospital, and usually
it enrages the spouse even more. Better than silence, in this case, is to 'speak the truth.
with a spirit of love" (Eph 4:15, Bible in Today's Language). Let us reflect on a
a little about this sentence.

"Speaking the truth." A happy marital relationship involves absolute

honesty about fears, desires, motivations, sex, money, weaknesses,
deceptions, resentments, and misunderstandings. Many marital problems would be
resolved if husband and wife were honest with each other. Some do not speak
of your problems with your spouse so as not to worry or annoy them. However,
in this way, they leave the spouse out of their life, and the implication is that they do not trust

Neither do they believe that he has sufficient emotional and spiritual maturity to
to deal with the issue and help.
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Do you have needs that your spouse could not meet? Do you have
Shame in admitting your weakness or need? Could it be out of pride? Be careful!
Unmet real needs, tensions and resentments suppressed for a long time
time causes bigger crises... And you will need professional help. It is a
a very high price to pay for not telling the truth!

Speaking the truth with a spirit of love. The truth can be cruel sometimes. Therefore,
it still needs to be said with a spirit of love. This involves consideration for the
another person. Brutal things have been said by one spouse to the other, in the name of

honesty, when the hidden motive was a tremendous sense of guilt.

(c) Speaking the truth at the right time. This is not in this verse of Ephesians, but it is
in other biblical passages. See Proverbs 25:11 and Proverbs 15:23. Generally, it is good to wait.

to move the lunch or dinner time to discuss controversial issues or

unpleasant. Sometimes it is better to wait until morning, especially if the
spouse had a difficult day.

If you think you need to talk to your spouse about something they did or
stopped doing it wrong, pray about this before discussing the matter with him.
It may be that God shows you that you are also wrong and need to correct yourself
first. So, if the Lord gives you the freedom or conviction to speak about the
when discussing with your spouse, start with a word of sincere appreciation; then,
Say what God put in your heart, what you feel, but in a clear way.
pleasant, constructive and positive. "Kind words are like honey: sweet for the
palate, good for health" (Proverbs 16:24). See also Galatians 6:1.

(d) Other care.

Avoid generalizations. 'You never listen to me!', 'You always interrupt me!'
Generalizations are rarely true.
Avoid arguing with your spouse in the presence of others, especially of
children.

FINAL APPLICATIONS
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Pr. Jaime Kemp suggests excellent practices to improve communication in

lar.
1. Always be a good listener and do not respond until the other person has finished.

finish speaking (James 1:19; Proverbs 18:13).

Think twice before you speak. Don't be hasty in your response. Speak in such a way
in a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying (Prov 21:23)
3.Always speak the truth, but speak in love. Do not exaggerate (Eph 4:15,15; Col 3:9).
4. Do not get involved in feuds. It is possible to disagree without causing fights (Proverbs 20:3; cf.

17.14; Rom 13.10; Eph 4.31.

5. Do not respond in anger. Use gentle words and kind responses (Prov 14:29;
15.1; 25.15; 29.11; Eph 4.26.
6. Don't use silence to frustrate your partner. If you hesitate to respond,
explain why.
7. Avoid detesting your spouse (Prov 10:19; 17:9).
8. When you are wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness (James 5:16). When someone
ask him for forgiveness and let him know that you have forgiven him (Col 3:13; 1 Pet 4:8; Eph 4:32).

9. Do not blame or criticize your spouse, but on the other hand, restore, encourage,
build up (Galatians 6:1; Romans 14:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:11).

10. Try to understand your spouse's opinion. Put yourself in the other person's situation.

(Fp 2.1-4; Ef 4.2).

11. Choose the right time to communicate (again Eph 4:26; Prov 15:23). In summary,
good communication at home is a continuous application of the gospel, in every
interaction between spouses and between parents, children, and siblings. The fruit of the Spirit in the Christian

the ability to communicate more and better, in love.