TED TALK What happens if
an engineered virus escapes the lab?
You and your friend need to ace Friday’s
exam to avoid summer classes, and after a
week of studying, you both feel confident that
you pulled it off. But when you get your
grades back, they’re much lower than the two
of you expected. You’re devastated. However,
your friend doesn't seem too bothered, and it's
making you wonder why you can't shake this
off like they can. But should you really be
trying to look on the bright side? And is
controlling our emotions even possible in the
first place?
The answer to the last question is a definitive
“yes.” There are numerous strategies for
regulating our emotions, and one framework
to understand these techniques is called the
Process Model. Psychologists use this tool to
identify where and how to intervene in the
process that forms our emotions. That process
has four steps: first, we enter a situation, real
or imagined, and that draws our attention.
Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation
and whether it helps or hinders our goals.
Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes
in how we feel, think, and behave, known as
an emotional response.
Each step of this process offers an opportunity
to consciously intervene and change our
emotions, and the Process Model outlines
what strategies we might try at each phase. To
see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been
invited to the same party as your least-favorite
ex and their new partner. Your first strategy
could be avoiding the situation altogether by
skipping the party. But if you do attend, you
could also try modifying the situation by
choosing not to interact with your ex. If that’s
proving difficult, you might want to shift your
attention, maybe by playing a game with your
friends rather than focusing on your ex’s new
partner. Another option would be to re-
evaluate how you think about the situation.
After seriously reappraising things, you might
realize that you don’t care
who your ex dates. If none of these strategies sad and cultivate hope that things will get
work, you can always try tempering your better.
emotional response after the fact. But this can
be tricky. Many of the easiest ways to do this,
like hiding your emotions or trying to change
them with recreational drugs, generally lead to
more negative feelings and health concerns in
the long term. More sustainable strategies here
include going for a long walk, taking slow,
deep breaths, or talking with someone in your
support system.
While using all these strategies well takes
practice, learning to notice your emotions and
reflect on where they’re coming from is half
the battle. And once you’ve truly internalized
that you can regulate your emotions, doing so
becomes much easier. But should you use
these techniques to constantly maintain a good
mood? That answer depends on how you
define what makes a mood “good.” It's
tempting to think we should always try to
avoid sadness and frustration, but no emotion
is inherently good or bad— they’re either
helpful or unhelpful depending on the
situation. For example, if a friend is telling
you about the loss of a loved one, feeling and
expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate, it
can help you empathize and support them.
Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly
ignore your emotions, forcing a smile to get
through a one-time annoyance is perfectly
reasonable.
We hear a lot of mixed messages about
emotions. Some pressure us to stay upbeat
while others tell us to simply take our
emotions as they come. But in reality, each
person has to find their own balance. So if the
question is: “should you always try to be
happy?” The answer is no. Studies suggest
that people fixated on happiness often
experience secondary negative emotions, like
guilt, or frustration over being upset, and
disappointment that they don't feel happier.
This doesn't mean you should let sadness or
anger take over. But strategies like reappraisal
can help you re-evaluate your thoughts about a
situation, allowing you to accept that you feel
