Rani
Rani
The right of Rani Manicka to be identified as the Author of the Work has been
asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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mother, and that there would be neither sordid secrets nor lurid
exposés. She leaned forward. ‘What I’m really after is stuff about
the Japanese occupation of Malaya. You know, what it was like for
you and your friends. I won’t even use your name if you don’t
want me to,’ she promised. ‘In fact, I’ll disguise you so well that no
one will recognise you.’
Marimuthu Mami stared at the girl.
‘Or perhaps you could just talk about the community in
general? It’s only for collaboration purposes,’ she insisted, but she
was becoming unsure of her mission.
Still, Marimuthu Mami did not speak. She couldn’t. Lurking in
the folds of her sari were her tightly clenched hands. Speak about the
past, here, in her daughter’s home? After she had finally mastered the
art of forgetting things. Now she even had to keep a book to know
if she had taken her medication. Sometimes she wandered into the
kitchen with the intention of eating only to have her daughter kindly
remind her, ‘But you have just eaten.’ Ah yes, of course.
And recently, she awakened completely lost, unable even to
recollect who or where she was. The first time it happened she
had cried out with fear, bringing both her daughter and son-in-
law to her side.
The sight of them brought back the knowledge that she lived
with them here in their house. ‘Yes, yes, of course,’ she assured
their concerned faces. ‘I now remember you both.’ But they took
her to the doctor. Everything was all right with the old woman, he
told them. However, he recommended crosswords to improve her
memory.
So her son-in-law gave her the New Straits Times opened to
the crossword page and told her that no one need grow old at
all. Ancient rishis had left the observation that human beings age
only because they see others grow old. She sat docile – she had
watched him grow old.
‘Try to remember,’ he encouraged. ‘The past might be more
difficult, so just start with what you did yesterday.’
If only he knew. About the past, how deeply rooted it was in her
chest, how mighty its trunk and branches. How shocked he would
but slipped neatly into a pair of rubber slippers. The cold breath
of the earth was not good for anyone, let alone aged bones. The
streetlamp went off. Through the window the banana leaves were
flat shapes against the lightening sky, waving gently at her. She
had planted those trees herself.
Upstairs, she could hear her son-in-law already about his
business. It was time she too was up. She began the first of her
shuffling steps of the day, then stopped. Her poor old bones . . .
and she began to wish for her bed, perhaps with a freshly prepared
hot-water bottle and another blanket from the cupboard under
the stairs. But even that seemed too much trouble. She lay back
down, and even before she had pulled the blanket over herself she
began to dream.
She had put her Japanese umbrella into a plastic bag and boldly,
without permission, was opening the front door and going out.
Outside her daughter’s house ran not a street and houses opposite
but a vast field, and there, to her amazement, were thousands
of women of all shapes, sizes and colours. And each carried a
Japanese umbrella! It had never occurred to her that there could
be so many, or that they would be so proud of their umbrellas.
Some were even twirling theirs flirtatiously like geishas. And
suddenly she too, was no longer ashamed of hers. For the first
time ever she unfurled it in public. Let all see its beautiful cherry-
blossom design.
And she thought it had been a good life; she would do it all
again. Why should she deny any of it? How surprised the young
journalist would be to know that she had not always lived like a
mouse in a storeroom. That once she had been the mistress of a
many-windowed house, the glass, hundreds of them, flashing, like
the facets of a precious jewel. And she remembered again the men
who had loved her, and touched her mouth; wrinkled, so wrinkled.
‘Love, oh, love!’ But, she had forgotten nothing.
And the memories came flooding in.
This was the worst news possible. What was a girl meant to do
in life but be happily married? And ‘disturbances’, what was the
man implying? How was any father supposed to hold his head up
at this? But the father, idle yes, but nobody’s fool, did not appear
crushed or in the least embarrassed. Instead, he contemplated the
priest with narrowed eyes. Surely there must be a way to negate
the malefic effects of the snake.
There was.
The priest suggested that the afflicted child pour milk over the
head of a snake statue to appease it while praying to Pulliar, the
Elephant God, who coiled subdued serpents about his body as
bracelets and belts. If she did this diligently, with concentration
and sincerity, all could be well.
‘And so she will. Daily,’ her father vowed.
After the midwife had tied her bundle and gone her way, and
the priest to his temple across the road, the woman took down
the blanket curtain and turned it into a hammock for her baby.
She hung it with a rope from the middle beam of the house, and
rocked it until sleep overcame her. When the man was sure she
was properly asleep, he shuffled over on his buttocks to where
his newborn hung. Holding up a lamp he removed her covering
cloth, and gazed down at the child, naked but for her belly button
bandage. Her milky mouth moved and her thin limbs flailed feebly
to protest at the loss of warmth, but her nearly transparent eyelids
did not lift. A thought struck him. Why, she would probably grow
to be a great beauty if she was to win the heart of an immensely
rich man. He grunted softly. Certainly nothing like her mother,
then.
He threw a quick look at the shapeless figure sleeping on her
side, her head resting on the flesh of her upper arm. Weariness
made her snore, and the sound irritated him, but he thought it
best to let her sleep. Very early tomorrow morning she’d better
wash out the disagreeable stench of blood that seemed to have
permeated the walls of his house.
He transferred his attention back to the infant, his eyes misting
over. His treasure, without doubt the most precious thing he
Parvathi came awake to the smell of a storm brewing. She lay very
still until she was sure that all were sound asleep, then she pushed
aside her blanket and, sitting up in the pitch black, removed the
bells from around her ankles. Holding them in her fist she deftly
stepped over first her mother’s, then her father’s and finally her
five brothers’ snoring forms. In the darkness her hand touched
metal. In the entire village this almost barren hovel was the only
one with a bolt on it. It gave way noiselessly. Her face, shaped like
a betel-nut leaf, turned for a quick backward glance. All was still
well.
She swung open the door and stood at the threshold. She was
sixteen years old and she had never ventured unaccompanied
beyond that bar of worn wood. Even now, when there was no one
to see or scold, it did not occur to her to do so. Perhaps it was
because she knew that her father’s love, unlike her mother’s, was
brittle and would shatter with the first hint of disobedience. Or
because she believed the myth her father had perpetuated: that
there was nothing more important to a woman than her purity,
and men (all lustful devils) would snatch it away at the first
opportunity. Beyond that wooden bar, alone, protection was not
guaranteed.
The sky flashed white, illuminating a shapeless blouse and long
skirt – both faded to an indeterminate colour. Standing on the tips
of her toes, she grasped the doorframe with one hand, straining
her long slender neck and body forward, and extended the other
hand as far as it would go. A curious age-old gesture, not that
of a young girl trying to catch the first drops of rain, more of a
graceful dancer stretching out to pull a lover into her quarters.
The sky lit up again, and a small blue stone in her left nostril
glittered as she turned away from the stormclouds and looked
to the ancient temple surrounded by coconut palms, their leaves
helter-skelter in the wind. In the rain and white light it was simply
spectacular.
The temple itself was a shabby thing, but it stood inside a
rough enclosure of large upright stones that made it special and
powerful. The largest was even believed to be one of the boulders
that Hanuman, the Monkey God, had thrown into the sea so that
Rama and his army could bridge the straits of India to Lanka.
When the moon was full, the faithful from other villages came to
touch these magic stones and pray for favours, but during the day
children were taught to read the scriptures, write and count there.
Touching the stones reverently, her brothers went in. She did
not. Her father thought it was enough for her to learn the alphabet
by writing the letters into grains of rice thinly spread on a muram.
Even so, those stones were not unfamiliar to her. From the time
she was four, every day unless they were menstruating Parvathi
and her mother took the thirty-one steps from their house towards
them.
She stared at the old stones rendered momentarily white. She
had never wanted to ask favours of them. Perhaps she was strange
or fanciful, but she felt as if she alone understood that there
was no grace to be had from their smooth, closed faces. Their
smoothness was an illusion. They had not always been so; they
had not rolled down mountainsides willingly. A giant monkey had
dug his sharpened nails into them and wrenched them away from
their mother’s womb. Now, they stood as orphans in exile.
She stood looking out at the wall of rain until she judged it
almost time for her mother to awaken. Then she closed the door
and went back to her place against the wall. She returned the bells
to her ankles and lay down on her side facing her mother, listening
to her even, familiar breathing. Parvathi knew she would never
hear this again. Like the stones, she too would soon be in sad exile.
Her bag was already tied and waiting in the corner of the small
shack. This was the last time by the wall.
The city broker nodded quickly. ‘Yes, yes, of course I do, and
she is indeed very beautiful, but it is customary for me to check
these things out for myself. Some people cheat, you see. And then
there is my reputation. Although personally, I could never see the
point of cheating since the girl will either end up getting tortured
by the mother-in-law, or worse still, will be sent home in utter
disgrace. I’ve even heard of one or two who committed suicide
while still at sea.’
Parvathi’s father nodded and smiled. A sheep couldn’t have been
more placid. ‘Fortunately for my daughter and your reputation, I
haven’t the intelligence to be unscrupulous. You can ask anybody,
my daughter’s happiness is all to me. Her skin is my skin.’
A brief, displeased pause followed.
Finally, coldly: ‘When is the lady of the house back?’
‘I wish it was tomorrow, sir. It’s very hard for me to till the land
and take care of the house without my wife. She said she would be
back in two weeks, but you know what women are like when they
get with their mothers. Every day I put my hands together to pray
that she comes home sooner rather than later.’
The city broker searched the eyes of the dried-up peasant in
front of him, but they gazed back unflinchingly. If the eyes betrayed
the soul, then this man was as pure as he was ugly. Besides which,
the broker had come to realise quite early in his career that God
did sometimes entrust great beauty in the care of plain folk. No
man could be this poor and sly.
Since it was certain the other brokers would be hard at work
trying to find the perfect wife for Kasu Marimuthu, he knew he
must land this one today. He did not have the luxury of another
trip into this godforsaken backwater to sit before this simpleton.
This commission could bring him the fame he had always dreamed
of. And fortune, he had heard, would always come to knock on
the door of fame. Besides which, next week he would be busy
with preparations for his own daughter’s wedding to a wonderful
groom that he himself had found from Colpetty in Colombo.
The broker smiled. ‘Your word is good enough for me,’ he
said, and tipping his head back, poured a stream of tea into his
The place was deserted and silent, and the floor chilly under
her bare feet. The windows in the apprentice priests’ quarters
at the back of the temple were already yellow with the light of
their oil lamps. Their shadowy shapes moved about, tying top
knots, slinging sacred threads diagonally across their bodies, and
smearing wet holy ash in stripes on their foreheads, arms and
upper bodies. When she was younger she used to look through the
windows and wonder about the lives of those young bodies, but
as the years passed and she went from girl to woman, she was no
longer allowed to even glance in their direction. They, of course,
took no notice of the woman and her daughter.
The head priest, sitting on the steps of the temple stringing a
garland of holy basil, looked up and nodded briefly at Parvathi’s
mother, who had put her palms together under her chin. But to
Parvathi he opened a mouth loose, empty and stained with betel
juice and called in a reedy voice full of affection. ‘Ah, so you have
come to see your old uncle for the last time, then?’
‘Om,’ Parvathi said. Om in the land of Jaffna simply meant ‘Yes’.
‘I’ve saved some sweet rice for you,’ he said with a grin, but
Parvathi could not make herself smile back. Turning away, she
followed her mother who was already murmuring prayers under
her breath as she began her ritual perambulations around the
different deities. Three times around each god and nine times
past the cluster of demigods. This done, they took their customary
positions on the floor and waited for the apprentices to file into
the temple. Around the horizon the sky had taken on a pink tinge
and, as the big bell outside was rung, the old priest opened the
little wooden doors to the inner vestibule that housed the black
stone statue of the Elephant God, Pulliar.
He beckoned to Parvathi and she hurried her container over to
him. Adding its contents to a large pail already half-full of milk,
he began the ceremony of bathing the God. The priest held aloft
a many-wicked oil lamp over the newly washed statue, and they
lifted their clasped hands high above their heads in prayer.
Unbeknownst to her mother, Parvathi was not praying to the
Elephant God at all, but to the little helper snake that waited at his
thing, had spent most of her life. But then the woman smiled a
secret smile to think that, in this at least, her husband had been
foiled, for the girl had bored holes into the wall. She had seen
out. At first, the woman had been perplexed to see that she had
made all the holes at the height of two feet. And then one day she
had realised that her daughter was not watching people but the
animals that passed.
Her palms pressed into the damp dust, she scrutinised her
irredeemably callused skin, the hopelessly knotty knuckles, and
the black dirt under her fingernails. Her daughter’s hands were
smooth, delicate, defenceless. How surprising that the girl in all
her perfection had been made inside such a sad, ugly body like
hers. Her child was only doing what all girls did: get married. A
shiver went through her. It was just that the child was too small to
be going so far away. Barely, she reached her mother’s shoulder.
Shifting her weight onto one hand, she used the forefinger of
her other hand to write in the mud the only word she could spell
– her daughter’s name. Again and again, until it formed a circle
around her, a magic circle. For it was ancient knowledge passed
through generations, from mother to daughter, that the circle is
a sacred shape; make it, and immediately blessed energy rushes
into it. In its charmed space, nothing bad can happen. She stared
up into the empty sky. A hand came up to touch the empty holes
in her nostrils that had once known gold, and cursed the day
her daughter was born. For that was the day her husband’s flesh
turned to stone. But what of her? She had allowed it. But wait!
Long, long before she abandoned the girl, she had abandoned
herself. The girl had thought her mother was perfect and to be
trusted. No one had told her that on this earth nothing perfect is
permitted to exist. She dropped her head onto her knees and in
her faded world expressed a passing sound of regret.
None of this might have happened had the priest held his
tongue. She made another sound – impatience. And scolded herself
harshly. Her husband was right. Women shouldn’t be allowed to
think. What good could come of blaming a man of God? It was
the child’s fate. And now the girl was gone and that was that. The
woman closed the door to her rusty pain. It was iron and shut
with a horrible clang. Let it remain forever shut. She must prepare
lunch for the men before she went off to work the land.
She cast a searching eye towards the side of the house. Only
one slipper leaned against the wall. Strange. The missing one was
nowhere to be seen. Her eyes flickered. No matter. She would
simply go on her cracked, crusty heels. Standing heavily she
stepped out of the magic circle.
From the moment her mother turned her back on her, it seemed
to Parvathi as if she fell headlong into a dream so fantastic that
her spirit curled itself into a hiding-place deep within herself. For
five days she and her uncle shook and rattled inside their covered
bullock cart until the dirt paths gave way to the wide paved roads
of Colombo. The city was a blur of busyness. People milled the
streets like ants.
At the harbour they climbed into an enormous ship. Quietly, she
joined the other women in the shade as the ship slowly, majestically,
lifted its massive bulk and forced away from the wharf. It hovered
at the crest and then suddenly, with a shudder that rocked it from
stem to stern, lurched drunkenly back into the water. Together the
women pressed old cloths to their mouths. While they lay groaning
and seasick the men cooked in large cauldrons. Overhead, seagulls
wheeled in the hot blue sky, and in the water, pods of clicking
laughing dolphins came to play alongside the ship. Later, the ship
drifted in inky nights amongst stars.
Finally, when she was not expecting it, a bit of brown: land.
There was excited shouting and much dashing about. From the
upper decks came the sounds of celebration. Green foreground
came into view, and the wind picked up. A tin of ship’s biscuits
was sent down to them. A quarter of a biscuit found its way to
her hand. She ate it in three slow bites. The ship drew closer, and
Penang harbour came into view. They docked; the sea voyage was
over.
She looked around in amazement. Oh! God had not coloured
all people in shades of brown. Not at all! In His garden of people
were all shades of pink, white, yellow and black. She had never
suspected. She listened to them make their strange, unintelligible
sounds, but it was a dream after all, and in the umms, ahhs, nods,
and gestures, she understood them.
Odd, that it was the firmness of earth that should suddenly feel
strange. Then, the black iron monster spewing smoke that she
climbed into carried them into the heart of that humid country.
In the house of relatives she watched in wonder as water ran out
of taps, and – her brothers had not played a trick on her after all –
electricity glowed into lamps. Here she found soap that lathered, and
when night came was given a raised platform on legs called a bed; the
mattress so soft she tossed and turned all night to find a hard spot for
her body. How she missed her mother on that soft bed.
The day of the wedding arrived. Her terrified spirit retreated
deeper into its hiding-place, but no one seemed to notice or, if
they did, they cared not. Oh little cobra, dear. Save me from my fate.
I, who have been so faithful to you for so long, save me.
Children crowded the doorway to stare with big eyes as
chattering women coloured her hands and feet and dressed her in
the fabulous finery her bridegroom had sent. So heavy, she had to
be hoisted up to her feet by two women and led to a mirror many,
many times bigger than her father’s round shaving mirror. She
stared fascinated but they dropped a veil over her face and took
her to a decorated crowded temple where a tall broad man came
to sit beside her.
She was too shy and too frightened to look directly at him. All
she retained was an impression of fierce rolling eyes. In her sight
were his loosely clasped hands. Large and covered in long, dark
hair, and fairer, by far fairer than hers. She sat like a statue, hardly
breathing, aware of the vibrant heat and the silent growl that
emanated from his body. To the accompaniment of drums and
trumpets he turned briefly towards her and she felt the heavy gold
thali fall around her neck as the crowd showered them with rice.
So; she was married.
A cloth was held up and behind it her bridegroom lifted her veil
so the newlyweds could feed each other morsels of banana soaked
in milk. She refused to meet her husband’s eye. Luckily, for if she
had, she would have seen the strained whiteness about his mouth,
and her poor dazed spirit would have become still more terrified.
‘Everything went well, a good omen for a long and prosperous
marriage,’ the priest commented, smiling ingratiatingly at her
husband. Everyone was full of smiles and congratulations, but her
husband said nothing.
Eyes downcast, she got in the back of a long black car and they
were driven through the town and then down a lonely road through
wilderness. The air began to change, became drier, smelling of the
sea. Beside her, but strictly apart, as if by an unfathomably deep
chasm her husband sat, his bulk turned away, cold, silent, furious.
She should have become nervous then, but that daze, so useful,
kept her safe, cocooned, unreachable.
His house, someone had told her, was by the beach, a beautiful
place called Adari, Dear One. Finally, they turned through a set of
tall gates. Parvathi looked up at the tall house rising into the clear
blue sky and, with a great gasp, was torn from her comfortable
sleep.
but the only time she had left her village was when she had made
that image of Pulliar with a fistful of dung from one of Vellaitham’s
cows and with her mother as chaperone, had taken it to another
village not far away. There, with other young girls, she had placed
her little idol in a stream and as it floated away had prayed for a
good husband.
Her father had cheated the broker and now . . .
A voice fell softly upon her ear. Eyes downcast she followed
it up a wrought-iron staircase to the balcony. A decorative glass
door opened to the west wing and they stood in a long corridor
where many tall double doors led off on either side. The soft voice
politely enquired if she wanted to choose a room. Parvathi shook
her head, and the first set of doors was opened and the voice
announced, ‘The Lavender Room.’
Parvathi entered.
The Lavender Room; but my goodness. Parvathi stood, a dwarf
in that splendid, lofty room and looked with awe at the panelled
walls painted a dramatic aquamarine and then richly decorated
with Chinese birds of paradise, pagodas and weeping willows.
Here too a fine rhapsody of violet, blue and pink light flowed in
through the tall glass windows and doors.
She transferred her amazement to an enormous blue-beaded
chandelier that hung from the middle of the ceiling. Under it, on
a cream carpet, stood a magnificent brass four-poster bed. Its
tasselled mosquito net had been dyed blue and held back with
velvet indigo ribbons. Against one wall was a late-eighteenth-
century French cupboard, close to it a dressing-table and a
delicate stool painted eggshell blue and parcel-gilt. Nearby hung
an open, empty birdcage made of bamboo and coloured with
Chinese ink.
On the wall across from the bed hung a large oil painting of a
white monkey surprised in the act of eating a fruit, pomegranate
peel all around him. She marvelled at how the light in that room
had been marshalled so that the monkey alone was bathed in pure
white light. She stood on the tips of her toes and touched his tail.
The paint was hard and glossy.
But hardly had the thrilling thought formed, than she saw the figure
of her husband held up in the milky light of a frosted lamp. Head
bent, and apparently only with much help from the banister, he was
unsteadily making his way up the stairs.What was the matter with him?
Puzzled, she padded to the top of the stairs, where her unexpected
appearance startled him and caused him to lose his footing.
Luckily, one of his wildly flaying hands managed to catch the
banister, and the face that was exposed to her was so loose and
strange that she felt certain he must be ill. She had not discarded
the memory of his silent growling or the restless, invisible fear
of the man, but she ran down the stairs, her hand outstretched
to help him. But he flung out an arm to ward her off, before
dropping back heavily on the stairs, his knees falling wide apart as
he transferred all his weight onto one hand. He winced. He must
have hurt himself in the abrupt manner of his sitting.
In the light from the disturbed water of the fountain she had her
first good look at the man she had married. Large beads of sweat
covered his nose, and he was holding his head at an odd angle
while his bulging eyes seemed to be experiencing great difficulty
in focusing upon her.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ she asked, her voice no more than
an alarmed whisper, for she had little knowledge of drunkenness
so she had not recognised his condition at first. Kasu Marimuthu
opened his mouth – his left canine shone pure gold – and laughter
spewed forth, bouncing off the walls and echoing mockingly
around them. When his mirth was spent he turned to her and said,
‘I’ve left a glass on the fountain ledge. Get it for me.’
She caught the reek of alcohol then, and was so taken aback
she couldn’t stop herself from exclaiming aloud: ‘Oh! But you’re
drunk.’ All the hard surfaces around them acted as cruelly on her
voice as they had on his laughter, making it sound shrill, accusing,
and so completely lacking in docility that she covered her mouth
with her hand in mortification.
The bleary eyes found their fix. The affable mood was gone.
‘And why shouldn’t I be?’ he sneered. ‘I asked for a bird of paradise
and I’m given a puny peahen.’
Her mother’s words came back: ‘And when you are far away
from me, remember this: if a man harms you only with words,
say nothing, do nothing, for words may, when he has gone
to sleep, be shrugged off like an ill-fitting garment.’ Parvathi
dropped her eyes in a show of submission, unaware that this
served only to further infuriate her new husband. Absolutely
everything, he concluded belligerently, about his bride
annoyed him. The lack of style, beauty, height, education,
sophistication, and now this irritating attack of meekness. The
girl was irredeemable. Grimly he muttered, ‘Hurry up with
that drink.’
Parvathi reached up to the command immediately. He cradled
the half-full glass in his hand, and then in great exasperation burst
out, ‘Oh, for God’s sake stop hovering about like some long-
necked ostrich, and sit down!’
She sank down a few steps below him.
‘I’m sending you back to your father tomorrow.’
She nodded slowly. She had expected nothing less from the
moment she had laid eyes on his house. Until then she had
cherished a wild, bizarre hope. But really, it was not even her
father’s fault. How could he, poor thing, living as they did, have
any comprehension of what ‘immense wealth’ really meant? Like
her, he must have imagined less, much less. Otherwise he would
have understood. Enclosures that kept names like the Lavender
Room would always insist upon tall, urbane mistresses.
‘You knew, didn’t you?’ he challenged.
She looked up at him, her eyes enlarged. ‘Yes, but you must
understand that I had no say in the matter. My duty is to obey my
father at all times.’
‘What kind of man does this to his own daughter, anyway?’
A tear slipped down her face.
‘What will happen to you when you go home?’ he asked, and
for that small while sounded weary and kind.
She sniffed and wiped her nose with the side of her hand. ‘I
don’t know. If my father will take me back I will help my mother
as I have always done.’
He shook his head regretfully. ‘Don’t think I don’t pity you, but
no one and I mean no one, cheats Kasu Marimuthu and gets away
with it. Your father must be a fool or a mad man. Who else would
even begin to think of such a harebrained scheme? If he imagined
I wouldn’t send you back for fear of tarnishing my good name,
well, he put his money on a lame horse.’
‘Why didn’t you just refuse to marry me this morning when
you first saw me?’ she asked quietly.
He drew himself up proudly. ‘Somebody else might have married
you then, you mean? I don’t care if I am the talk of gossiping
women, but there were important people in that hall whom I need
for my business plans. I couldn’t make a laughing stock of myself
in front of them.’ And then, as if he suddenly remembered that he
was the injured party, glared down at her with cold dislike. ‘Look
to your father if you need someone to blame for ruining your life.’
In the silence that followed he gazed into his glass as if it was
unfathomably deep. Finally he looked up and with one bushy
eyebrow raised, said, ‘We should drown our sorrows together.’
She stared at him in disbelief. The shame of it. She was ruined
for life and he wanted her to get drunk with him! She shook her
head.
‘Why, she said, “no” to a cup of love,’ he observed sarcastically,
or at least that was how he had intended it to sound, but it came
out dispirited and poignant. He looked about him dazedly before
laying his head on the cold stone steps and closing his eyes. Oh,
but look at the great Kasu Marimuthu now. So rich and so sad.
But just as she imagined that he had fallen asleep, he sat up, and in
one gulp downed the entire contents of the glass. He set it empty
on the stairs and pulled himself upright. ‘I’ll bid you goodnight
then, madam. Be prepared to leave in the morning. Which room
are you in?’
‘The first room on the left of the corridor.’
‘Fine,’ he said, as he attempted a half-bow, staggered, and had
to cling the banister to steady himself. Clutching it, he went down
the stairs. Halfway across the courtyard he stopped, turned back
towards her and seemed about to say something . . . but must have
thought the better of it, for he shook his head instead and beat the
air in a discouraged gesture.
‘Forget it,’ he mumbled, and reeled away.
With his going, Parvathi realised she needed the toilet. She had
seen an outhouse by the servants’ quarters and she went outside
through the front door and along the south wing to get to it. A cold
wind was blowing and the jungle looked dark and threatening.
Strange cries and sounds were flung out from its black depths.
Hardly had she finished, when she pushed the door open and,
shaking with terror, fled back to the house. She knew she’d not
sleep any more. She settled herself on the balcony floor to wait.
Let morning come. She was ready.
sharp brain in his head had, rightly, deduced that injury was not
coming his way, not from her anyway. This was a simple cook
who had forgotten her place and acted out of a misguided loyalty
to someone she perceived to be her new mistress. Some of his
deduction did not make sense, but he had not sufficient brain cells
on duty to navigate the deeper mystery.
She smiled and he saw that she had the big mouth of a dog.
Truly there was not an ounce of beauty in the woman.
‘You are a good man. If you harm her no more, I promise, one
day soon, you’ll see what I see.’ His eyebrows shot into his receding
hairline. The bloody cheek of it.
‘Now,’ she said gently, ‘sleep, and remember nothing of this
tomorrow.’ And with his eyes still open and staring at her the man
fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Gently she ran her big, powerful
fingers over his eyelids and closed them. Then, as regally as she
had entered she left, holding her melting candle. Not at all a
servant but a Queen.
The room was empty but for a tap and a large container
underneath it. Gopal had filled it to the brim. A wooden dipper
exactly like the one Kasu Marimuthu had used as a child back in
Ceylon floated in the water. He scooped water into it and upended
the shockingly cold water over his head. Instantly the headache
fled. With gusto, much splashing, and great satisfaction, Kasu
Marimuthu finished his bath.
He came out and vigorously towelled himself with a rough
cotton towel like the one his father, and his father before him, had
used. The decorative fluffy things that passed for towels in the
other bathrooms of his house were not for him. He shaved over
the bathroom sink and going into the anteroom, dressed in a crisp
long-sleeved white shirt and baggy tan trousers. Then he greased
and middle-parted his hair. There: Kasu Marimuthu was ready
for anything the world had to throw at him.
As he passed the balcony overlooking the courtyard he glanced
down and saw a ponderous woman going up the shallow steps
leading to the kitchens. He knew she was his cook, but why, when
they had never engaged in conversation, should the sight of her
bring the vaguely troubling impression that he had crossed paths
or words with her? He ducked down to look properly at her, or
perhaps solidify the memory fragment, but she had vanished into
the gloom of the alcove that led to the kitchens.
Frowning with the effort, he tried to force open the memory,
but it was impenetrable, and since he already stood at the door of
the Lavender Room, he put the unfinished detail out of his mind.
Entering the room without so much as a knock, he found his bride
sitting on the floor packed and apparently ready to go. She started
and was up in an instant. Good God, a waif if he ever saw one.
Brown, a perfectly awful colour on her. He looked at her narrow
shoulders that dreamed of food, any food, and the severely
scraped-back hair, and realised that she faithfully described his
idea of a servant girl. The thought that he, who could have had his
pick of the most beautiful women in the good land of Jaffna, had
actually married this insignificant creature made him recoil anew.
What a relief it would be, to see the back of her.
‘I’ve put all the jewellery back into the box and left it there,’ she
said, pointing to the top of the dresser.
Good, he had been about to ask her for it himself. ‘Are you
ready to go?’ he asked crossly.
She nodded.
He opened his mouth to tell her to follow him, but to his utter
astonishment he found on his lips, the air between them, and her
widening eyes, words that he had never intended to say.
‘Good, good,’ he heard himself saying, ‘but there’s been a slight
change of plan. The person who is supposed to be booking your
return passage is unable to deal with it straightaway, so if you like
you can spend the next few days here by the sea. Consider it a
little holiday.’
That she was astonished by his offer was obvious, but that
she wanted to stay was blatantly clear from her prolonged and
vigorous nodding.
‘You look like you could do with a good meal. Have some
breakfast and afterwards a lazy day on the beach, or feel free to
explore the house and grounds.’
She smiled shyly. He did not smile back, but walked stiffly to
the servant’s bell by the side of the bed and pulled it. ‘This always
brings a servant,’ he said. ‘Ask whoever comes to show you how to
use the toilet.You will be unfamiliar with it. It’s a flush system.’ He
touched his forehead gingerly. It was warm and pulsating gently.
‘I’ll leave you to it then,’ he said shortly, for now that the words
he had never intended to voice were out and could not be taken
back, he was greatly annoyed with himself. He walked over to the
dresser and almost snatched up the jewellery case. Whatever had
possessed him to do that?
But, as he went down the stairs he began to feel less and less
dissatisfaction with his impromptu invitation. It was certain that
when she returned she would be looked upon as the unfortunate
wretch who couldn’t keep her husband. Why should he punish
her? It was not her fault that she was born plain, to a scoundrel.
Let her stay a few days. What harm could it do? After all, he would
hardly see her. While he was putting the jewellery box back into
the safe, his gaze grazed its twin, his first wife’s box. Automatically,
he averted his eyes. By the time he swung shut the heavy door the
other box was completely forgotten, and he stepped out of his
study brimming with appreciation for his own munificence. He
had done a good deed.
He slid into the back seat of his car and briefly considered
sending a message to the girl’s relatives about his intention to
return her in the next few days, but that didn’t feel right even to
him – they would wonder at the delay and come to the conclusion
that he was taking unfair advantage of the situation. No, he would
send a telegram to that fool, the marriage-broker instead. Wrong
girl stop sending back stop let her father know stop. And the thought
of the pandemonium that that telegram would inspire made Kasu
Marimuthu lean back into the comfortable seat of his Rolls Royce
and smile for the first time since his marriage.
his body up in a white shroud and threw him overboard, and you’ll
never believe this; why, even I wouldn’t, if I hadn’t seen it with my
own eyes, but enormous sharks came out of nowhere and lunged
for the body before it even hit the water! All the women screamed.
Some went absolutely hysterical. To be honest even I was a little
frightened, and I’m the brave type. I can never forget it. This way,
please, Ama.’ They had turned into the corridor that fronted the
north wing.
The dining room was the first room on the wing. Respectfully,
Kamala stood back to allow Parvathi to enter. Through many tall
windows, morning sunlight streamed in. On the opposite side, two
sets of double doors led onto an immaculate lawn that gave way to
white sands. One end of the long table in the middle of the room
had been covered with a white tablecloth and set with chinaware,
silver cutlery and all manner of foreign food.
Parvathi turned uncertainly to the Kamala. ‘What’s all this?’
‘Oh Ama, I don’t blame you for not knowing. We don’t have
such things in India either, but this is the food of white people.’
She moved towards the table and uncovered a silver container.
‘See, this here is their bread, quite nice actually. Delivered fresh
every morning from a bakery that the master owns in town. In the
evenings they bring all the buns that don’t sell, and we get to eat
them. I like the coconut ones best. Honestly, Ama, I can’t tell you
how happy I’ve been, living in this house.’
She stopped speaking while she folded a napkin into a small
basket and began to transfer some slices of bread from the silver
container into it. ‘You know, Ama,’ she continued, ‘before I came
here, I was so poor I once pushed aside a dog to get to a bit of
rotting food in a dustbin. My husband was a very cruel man. He’s
the one who knocked all my teeth out. He beat me even when I was
pregnant. I didn’t want to lie with him and bring more and more
children into the world, but every few months the pains came
and I had to leave the fields to give birth. Three times I drank
poison. Yes, Ama,’ she emphasised, ‘three times. God knows, I was
so unhappy, I did not even think of the children. The pain was
indescribable. Your entire insides burning as if on fire. I can never
again eat spices. They make me very ill. But living here is like
being in paradise. All of us have our own room, a raised bed to
sleep on, and a cupboard to keep our belongings in. What luxury
this is, I cannot tell you. And the master is such a good man he
has ordered that a big iron pot of milk be hung over embers by the
kitchen so the staff have access to warm milk all day long. Never
before have I come across or even heard of such generosity. I’d
give up my life for him. And now he has gone and married you,
Ama, and I can tell that you too are such a good person. I’m never
wrong about people. It makes me so happy I could cry.’
She sniffed loudly, and lifting the edge of her sari, pressed it to
her dry eyes.
‘Anyway, this here is strawberry jam, made from the fruits of a
tree that grows only in England,’ she informed inaccurately. ‘The
other one there is marmalade and that is made from a kind of
bitter orange that I believe grows only in cold climates. In that
brown pot you will find honey which Kupu the cowherd gets from
the jungle, and under this lid here is butter. That over there is
cheese, but I have to warn you that it is white man’s cheese, so it
tastes nothing like our paneer.’ She pointed to a silver pot. ‘In there
is coffee, and in that round pot, tea. However, both are without
milk or sugar. You add those yourself, according to how white or
sweet you like them. Mmm . . . what else? Ah, yes, if you want
eggs, tell me how you prefer it, and Maya will make it for you.’
‘No, no,’ Parvathi said, shaking her head. ‘This is more than
enough.’
‘All right then, Ama, I’ll just go and get this bread toasted for
you. It’ll only take a minute,’ she said, and left carrying the basket
of bread.
Parvathi chose a seat facing the beach. She looked out to the sea
sparkling in the sunlight and knew that all her great and beautiful
dreams were a repulsive lizard on the ceiling of someone’s house.
It was time to relinquish her childish fantasies of passion and
love, for she understood now that such a love did not come to
look for puny peahens. Until her bridegroom said it, she had not
guessed. It had seemed to her that she was just like everyone else.
another slice, buttered that too. ‘I just love it. In fact, I do believe it
might even be my most favourite food in the world. I suppose it’s
just like our ghee, only more salty.’
Parvathi invited Kamala to join her at the table, but she shook
her head vigorously, genuinely horrified by the suggestion, saying,
‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly! Anyway, I’m not one for sitting at tables.
I’m used to eating on the floor. I prefer it.’ She retreated to a patch
of sunlight by one of the tall windows and squatting on the floor,
folded a slice of toast in half before greedily pushing it into her
mouth.
Of course it was wrong to gossip with the servants, but . . . ‘What
was it you said that nearly killed the master?’ Parvathi asked.
‘Aiyoo, Ama, why do you ask? Such a scandal it was, everyone
knew about it. Honestly, she dragged the master’s honour through
the mud. What woman does that, I ask you? I don’t blame him for
burning all her photographs and forbidding anyone to mention her
name in his presence. But then he took to drinking, Ama. Every
night he would get drunk. Sometimes he would finish all the alcohol
in the house and go in the middle of the night into the cellar looking
for more drink. And sometimes, Ama, he would shout and curse like
a man possessed. We could even hear him from our quarters. We
were all so worried for him. Then one day Maya secretly began to
slip medicine into his food and about half a year later, he suddenly
stopped. And now he has become so strong-minded that he lets all
the bottles of whisky remain in the house, and at his lawn parties,
and there are many of those held in this house, he serves his guests
but never touches it himself. Maya has said though that if he ever
went back to it again, there would be nothing she can do.’
Parvathi sat very still. Some of the words Kamala used were
unfamiliar to her and it was obvious some had a slightly different
meaning, but was it possible that the Ceylonese word for ‘leave’
meant ‘die’ in India?
‘What actually happened to the first wife?’ she asked.
Kamala’s mouth became a gaping cavity of masticated breakfast.
‘Didn’t anyone tell you?’ she asked incredulously.
Parvathi shook her head.
‘Aiyoooooo, Ama, that woman, can one even call such a one a
woman, ran away to Argentina with a polo player. I heard he had
come to coach the Prince’s team, but I know they met at one of her
balls. A tall, very handsome man. At first, he used to come to the
master’s parties, and then he started coming during the day when
the master was not in, and they would go to the beach together.
He was teaching her to swim, you see. They used to laugh a lot.
But if she had asked me, Ama, I would have told her to be careful.
These white men, they are not like ours. They are easy to get, but
they are also very easy to lose. I know all about them. I used to
work for a white family in Delhi, you see.
‘I was there for nearly a month. Then one day I was going out
to hang the clothes and I fell into the pool, and nearly sank to the
bottom. Luckily, the gardener was there and he fished me out with
a long pole. After that the memsahib told him to drain the pool
and clean it out, and when the Sahib came home he gave me my
full wages for the month and told me to leave. I think they were
afraid I might fall in again and drown in their pool.’ She grinned
suddenly. ‘But thanks to them I can speak some English now,’ she
said, and launched into a choppy monologue of foreign sounds.
‘ “Take that silly mask off your face. Pick that up now. It’s too
damn hot in this country. Be a dear and fix me a G&T.” ’
Parvathi put her slice of toast down and dabbed the corners
of her mouth calmly, but she had stopped listening. Kasu
Marimuthu’s wife was not dead from a mysterious tropical fever.
She had run away with a white man!
‘Kamala,’ she called suddenly, interrupting the woman’s chatter.
‘What’s a cellar?’
‘It’s the large room underneath this house where all the costly
bottles of alcohol are kept.’
‘Do you think I could see it?’
‘It’s always locked, but I think Maya has a key. Why don’t you
ask her?’
Parvathi nodded. ‘I will. Who’s Maya?’
‘Oh, Maya’s the cook. But she’s more than just a cook, much
more. She’s a medicine woman.’
‘Really?’
Kamala nodded gravely. ‘I cannot say more about her. You have
to see for yourself,’ she said, and lapsed into an uncommon silence.
By the time Parvathi had eaten her second slice of toast Kamala
had slurped two cups of coffee, chomped through five slices of
bread; three with butter, and two with honey and jam. Parvathi
slid out of the chair and Kamala put herself upright.
‘What would you like to do now, Ama?’
‘I’m going to look around for a bit.’
‘Shall I show you around the house?’
‘No, you go ahead and carry on with your work. I’ll be fine on
my own.’
‘Are you sure, because I’ve been in this house even longer than
Maya, and I know everything there is to know about it. Even
the littlest details. For example, all the stained glass came from
England, but the architect and builders were all from India. And
the architect had to sign an agreement that he would keep no
copies of the plan, so neither he nor his family could ever use the
design anywhere else in the world.’
‘Thank you, but I might just wander around by myself for a bit,’
Parvathi said, and turned away.
‘Ama.’
‘Yes?’
‘You won’t tell anyone that I spoke about the first wife, will you?
We’re not supposed to mention her any more, but I just thought
you should know.’
Parvathi smiled. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t tell the master. By the
way, do you know what kind of business the master does?’
‘Well, of course he has the bakery and the provision shop in
town. He also has rubber estates all over Malaya. I also know that
he has great tracts of land in Ceylon and India both. There was
once even talk of investments in England and America. And Gopal
says that a nice portion of his income comes from the monopoly
contract he holds with the Sultan to manufacture and distribute
toddy in this entire state.’
There were forty rooms upstairs, twenty per wing, ten fronting
the sea and ten overlooking the jungle at the back, but only some
would open to Parvathi’s hand, and even those she strayed into
distractedly, registering them only vaguely. Her hands lingered
over bone, horn, china, onyx and Venetian lacquer, but her head
kept the dizzying thought, Kasu Marimuthu lied; his wife is not
dead, while her eyes searched ceaselessly for evidence of the
woman.
In the drawing room she stopped in front of a cabinet full of
Venetian glassware and wondered why drinking vessels came in so
many shapes and sizes. She did not know then that each beverage
demanded a shape of its own. She gazed at a jar, unlike any she
had seen, a marble bird designed to hold cold water. There was so
much to marvel at. Medallion chairs, Chinese punch bowls, leaf-
decorated armoires. All so marvellous.
In the music room she sat on the purple velvet stool of a pale-
green and yellow grand piano with sheets of music on it. Pressing
its keys, she was delighted to discover, released pretty sounds. She
left it reluctantly and came to a set of grand doors, the entrance
to the great ballroom. Moving into the dim echoing space, she
discovered the light switches and watched in amazement as five
massive chandeliers came ablaze. The walls were a jigsaw of
coloured glass. It was very beautiful, but somehow sad, as if it held
onto a memory of happier times when royalty had stood in it. She
closed its doors and carried on with her exploration.
The walls of Kasu Marimuthu’s library were painted dark
green and the room smelled of tobacco. When she entered it fully
she saw that it was a repository for thousands and thousands of
worship the small insignificant thing at its feet. She smeared holy
ash on her forehead and left.
On the floor of a spotless kitchen an enormous woman sat with
her legs stretched out in front of her and crossed at the ankles.
Her large powerful hands were busy sorting a pile of leaves into
three sections. A cheroot was clenched in her teeth. At Parvathi’s
approach, she placed the cheroot at the edge of a cracked plate that
she was using as an ashtray, and turned her fleshy face upwards.
There were gold discs the size of coins in her ears and nostrils,
and a shell strung on a black string around her throat. Turning to
her side she rose easily and with surprising agility for a woman of
her size. Standing in a Malay sarong and a washed-out blouse, she
was an impressively ugly, towering mountain of a woman. Parvathi
looked up into her big, dark eyes and knew she had found the
owner of the broken idol.
The woman’s teeth flashed red-brown. ‘I hope you don’t mind,
I’ve finished all my work and I was just taking a short break,’ she
explained.
Quickly Parvathi said, ‘That’s all right. Who are you?’
‘I’m Maya the cook,’ the woman said.
Ah, the medicine woman. ‘Is that goddess in the prayer room
yours?’
‘Yes. The master gave me permission to leave her there since he
hardly ever enters that room.’
‘I don’t recognise her. Who is she?’
‘That is Nagama, the Snake Goddess.’
‘What happened to her arms?’
‘Oh, when I was only a child a holy man gave her to me. Everyone
thought he was mad because if anyone spoke to him he would
smile from beneath his dreadlocks and wave his nails – twisting,
disgusting grey-brown things, each almost a foot long – at them.
He lived under a tree and as I passed him on my way to school he
would nod at me. One day he called to me and told me that he had
a very special gift for me, but that I must come to him before the
afternoon shadow touched a nearby rock the next day or he would
have to go away without giving me my gift.
‘Why here?’
‘I don’t know, but I do know that this house is built on sacred
ground. There are only a few other places like this on earth.’
‘And the second arm, when did that break?’
Maya looked at her with an impenetrable expression. ‘It broke
yesterday. After you arrived.’
‘Oh! What does that mean?’
‘I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see.’
They stared at each other. Then Parvathi, because she was used
to sharing pauses only with her mother, rushed in and broke the
moment. ‘What did you have to leave behind in India?’ she asked.
Maya’s great ugly mouth opened and she laughed
unselfconsciously. ‘Only a mud house with a coconut-leaf roof.’
‘What about your parents?’
‘My mother died when I was very young and my father married
another. She was happy to see the back of me.’
Neither spoke while Parvathi struggled with the question
uppermost in her mind. ‘Is my husband a . . . I mean, does he still
drink a lot?’
Maya’s eyebrows rose at the speed of Kamala’s tongue. She
looked at her mistress thoughtfully for some time. ‘Actually,
yesterday was the first time in more than a year.’ She smiled
suddenly, vividly. ‘But you are not to blame. If he reached for the
bottle it was because he was looking for a reason. If it was not you,
it would have been something else. Be patient. He is a good man.
He stopped once. He can stop again if he so decides.’
Parvathi stood awkwardly on one foot. Once more she
was discussing her husband with a servant, and this woman
had answered her with such an awesome majesty that her
inquisitiveness seemed worse and even more disgraceful. Now
she saw clearly that she had been foolish to sit listening to Kamala
adroitly criticising in the guise of lavish praises. She should have
been more dignified. To begin with, none of this was her business.
He did not even want to be her husband. He would be furious if
he knew she had rewarded his kindness by digging around in his
private affairs.
the stone steps. When she saw Parvathi she put the broom down
and came forward to greet her much the same way Kupu had. Her
bent head was so close Parvathi noticed the lice running through
her hair. Then the girl raised large injured eyes to Parvathi and
smiled sadly, reverently, as if Parvathi was not human but a
goddess, to whom she was silently pouring out her troubles.
Parvathi nodded and walked away quickly.
She passed the gates, guarded on either side by life-sized bronze
bulls. Yesterday she had not even noticed them, big and shiny as
they were. She glanced back to the house shimmering in its skin of
glass and light. Soon she would be gone. At the beach she kicked
off her sandals; the sand was already lovely and warm under her
feet. She walked up to where the ground was crusty and broke
with her weight, and then along the waterline until she came to
the fringe of a little fishing village of small wooden houses on
stilts. Yards and yards of red fishing nets were laid out to dry on
the sand.
A child covered in a white shroud was chasing a small group
of boys who were scattering in all directions, screaming, ‘Hantu,
hantu!’ They stopped suddenly at the sight of her. Approaching
her, they spoke shyly in Malay, but unable to communicate
they resumed their game and Parvathi retraced her steps to
the house. When it was within sight she sat down under the
shade of a tree beside a patch of pretty purple flowers. Idly
she plucked one. To her surprise its leaves shrivelled up right
before her eyes. Very lightly she touched another leaf and it
too instantly wilted. She wondered how such a delicate plant
managed to survive at all.
In the blue sky swallows were enjoying the upwind. She lay
back, closed her eyes, and clearly saw her disgraced return. She’d
be the talk of the village. Everyone would laugh at her father for
being fool enough to try and cheat using a switched photograph.
Even Parvathi in her sheltered existence had heard of that. And
even in that story the girl had been sent back in such disgrace that
she had committed suicide. She opened her eyes and stared at the
ocean, so grey and dazzling it seemed to be molten metal. The sun
grew fierce, and in the shade she grew drowsy. She would not go
home. There must be other big houses around in need of servants.
That way she could send money home every month and no one
need ever know the truth.
When she awakened, it was nearly lunchtime. Someone had
brought her a tiffin carrier of food, complete with water, and
covered it so it looked like a shapeless bit of cloth beside her. She
ate hungrily. As she was closing the lid of the container she noticed
a magical thing: the leaves that she had thought dead had been
restored to their proper selves. For a while she amused herself
by touching the leaves and watching their filaments close up on
themselves, and in time slowly stretch out again. When she tired of
the game, she plucked a handful of the purple flowers, tied them
into one end of her sari, and set off in the opposite direction she
had taken before.
She walked for a time, the sea on her left and impenetrable
forests on her right. Up ahead there were big grey boulders. She
climbed to the top and stood watching the waves crashing white
underneath. The spray that hit her face was cool and refreshing.
She stood there a long time, not wanting to miss it later.
She came upon the house and saw what she had not before.
From a branch of a spreading tree a rectangular piece of wood
hung on two ropes. She recognised it as a swing from the stories her
mother used to tell: the seat where the heroine sat while dreamily
waiting her lover’s return. Holding on to the ropes she lowered
herself on it and pushed away with her feet, first slowly and then,
as she became more confident, faster and faster. Quickly, she knew
to stretch out her legs on the way forward and bend her knees on
the way back. Tipping her head back she saw the green canopy
above, and through it patches of clouds and blue sky. Never mind
that she had to return. Never mind that she would never marry
and have children. Never mind. Never mind.
Soon she was going higher than she could ever have imagined.
For the first time since leaving her home she forgot to be
frightened, or nervous, or worried and began to laugh from sheer
exhilaration. It was twilight when she finally slid off the seat. Her
arms ached and her legs felt odd, but it was not an exaggeration to
say that it was the best time she had ever had in her life.
Maya met her in the courtyard and gave her a glass bowl to put
her flowers in. She placed them by her bed and was pleased with
them. That night she ate alone in the large dining room.
‘Eat with me,’ she had said to Maya.
But she explained that she was fasting and ate only one meal a
day, and that no later than sunset.
After dinner Parvathi wandered sadly out to the veranda. It was
a dark, moonless night. So dark not even the foam of the waves
was visible. Her mother once said it was on nights such as these
that Goddess Kali mated with Lord Shiva.
Maya was smoking in a rocking chair in the furthest corner,
and had automatically started up at Parvathi’s approach, but her
new mistress hurried towards her and placing both hands on the
woman’s wide lap, knelt at her feet and in an ashamed voice cried,
‘Please, I don’t want to pretend any more. I feel so lost and alone
and you’re the only one I can speak to. I’m not your mistress.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m from a very poor
family. We live in a ramshackle hut with a leaking roof that my
father and brothers are too lazy to mend. By some strange trick
of fate, my father was able to cheat your master with a switched
photograph, but now that he has seen that I am dark and ugly, he
has begun the necessary arrangements to send me home. In no
time I’ll be gone.’
Maya’s large hand came to rest on Parvathi’s head. It was
not heavy but infinitely gentle. Oh, how frightened and sad she
really was. She sobbed on the woman’s knees while the wind
murmured in the trees and the woman made sweet little sounds
that ended with that word ‘da’. When used on a boy or a man it
was disparaging and rude, but used by Maya on her, it became the
most affectionate endearment and Parvathi never wanted to leave
that soft, giving lap.
Eventually the woman said, ‘You are so young and beautiful,
and to them the gods give special gifts.’
Parvathi’s head shot up. ‘But I’m not beautiful.’
There was silence when she finished and she said quietly,
‘Remember that every woman has inside her the skill to attract
any man she wants. A man is born with the ability to push and a
woman to pull. She pulls men to her body and with their seed she
pulls life itself into her. Stay still and you will pull to you all that
you want. Off you go to sleep now. I must wait here for the master
to return.’
Parvathi rose obediently, but at a pillar, stopped and turned
back. ‘What time will my husband return?’ she asked softly.
Maya did not turn her head or take her eyes away from the dark
distance or stop her slow rocking. ‘Today he will be late, very late,’
she murmured.
‘What will you do until then?’ Parvathi asked.
‘I will sit very still,’ Maya answered mysteriously.
Parvathi turned away and went through the courtyard; all the
birds were silent and sleeping. She let herself into her room. The
small lamp by the door had been switched on. She moved onto
the balcony and stood for a long while watching the tip of Maya’s
cheroot glow in the darkness. Then she lay down on the bed, her
eyes open, no wiser. She turned her head towards the sea and it
lulled her to sleep. Her last thought was that she would be anything
he wished or wanted, if only he would let her stay.
She dreamed that she knew exactly how to sit with her back
pressed against the house and call out to her greatest desire. And
from the sea, he came. Shining in the sunlight. A god. She could
not see his face, but knew he was beautiful beyond compare. The
hand he put on her face was cool and firm. ‘Hold nothing back,’ he
whispered in a voice like music.
It was nearly dawn when she opened her eyes and found him at
the end of her bed, wearing Western clothes and smelling of drink,
but not drunk. Not like the night before.
‘Is your name really Parvathi?’ he asked.
‘Why do you doubt it?’
‘My first wife was called Parvathi and I wondered if your
father . . .’
‘No, it’s my real name,’ she said, so very quietly he had to move
closer to catch the words.
He looked at the bowl of touch-me-nots, without comment.
Silence fell over their still figures. Only the curtains moved, letting
in the sea breezes.
‘I’m really sorry my father tried to cheat you,’ she whispered
finally. ‘He is not a bad man. We are just so very poor. Someone
like you couldn’t imagine what it is to be so desperately poor.’
But he carried on looking at her with cold, unforgiving eyes,
and she cried out, ‘Have you never done anything wrong in your
life then?’
He jerked away as if she had struck him. ‘You’re nothing like
her and you don’t deserve such a name,’ he spat viciously. ‘She
was tall and fair, a dazzling beauty. I will never use her name on
you.’
her – there might be blood the first time. Burying his mouth in
the hollow of her throat he breathed in the scent of her; Attar of
Nothing. ‘Hold nothing back,’ the Sea God had said. ‘Sita,’ he had
called her. Yes, she could be Sita, for a while or for as long as it
took. And what a relief – it was not unendurable. Afterwards he
put her knees back together and rolled away.
She waited until he was snoring gently before she crept around
to the other side of the bed. For a while she stood looking down
on him thinking, knowing: Your wife didn’t die, she ran away with
someone else. She stood for a moment longer over him, young, sore,
secretive, triumphant. She had pulled him to her body! But some
part of her being that was not quite wholly woman yet, could not
sustain the potency of her new conviction and needed more. She
knelt down, folded her hands on the bed, and resting her chin on
them, watched him attentively.
For a very long time she remained so, while he slept on, lost in a
deep dream where there was nothing but blackness, and in a place
so far away from her that she could never hope to go. He left her
clueless. She thought his skin might be the bridge, and ran a gentle
nail against the growth of hair on the back of his hand. He was that
far away, he did not stir. She watched the way the hairs lifted and
fell back. And then she followed with her finger its lie, and it was
silky, like pelt. A pet. But, presently untamed and requiring caution.
He was angry. No doubt, rightly. Perhaps too he was a good
man, but he and her father had in one uncaring stroke ruined
all her dreams. A gust of wind lifted the curtain and it fluttered
sadly, and suddenly she felt the fragility of her destiny in this
proud man’s callous hands. She shrank away from him and felt
afraid of that house and its heartbreaking secrets, of Maya and her
mysterious words. Already she knew the nights in this house were
different. Something happened. A door to a parallel dimension
opened and through it came invisible night spirits, masters of
disguise to cast spells of semblance, but even they knew they
were unable to truly change things so they always hurried away
before the clear light of morning. She knew her husband would
wake up, dry of drink and magic, and once more his eyes would
fade her clothes and call her ugly. Every night she must fight to
win him back. With her body.
Those she trusted, they who should have rushed to her with open
arms in pity, had betrayed her and pushed her into this impasse.
How could she pretend otherwise? ‘Have you forsaken me too,
my beloved Snake God?’ she whispered. But at the sound of her
own voice, so helpless and alone, she went down on her hands and
knees and began crawling chaotically away from the sleeping man,
tripping on the ends of her sari, landing hard on her elbow, crying
out, looking back in fear, shuffling backwards on her bottom,
pushing with her hands, until her back hit the corner of the room.
She brought her knees close to her chest. From the tight coil she
had made of her body she stared fearfully out at him. Whimpers,
pitiful animal sounds escaped her. Their loudness horrified her.
She slapped her hands over her mouth, but the heaving sounds set
themselves to a louder pitch and tore past the flimsy barriers she
had erected. But she needn’t have worried for her husband snored
blissfully on even after she began to sob and call for her mother.
‘No, it’s not,’ she said, and shook her head vigorously.
‘Have you ever been to school?’
‘No. My father thinks schools are only for boys.’
‘Would you like to learn something while you are here? I could
get a tutor for you.’
She couldn’t believe her ears. Her own teacher! A professional!
She had always dreamed of going to school to be taught by a
proper teacher instead of making do with her uninterested brothers
teaching her far less than what they themselves had learned that
day. She nodded enthusiastically.
‘What would you like to learn?’
She remembered Kamala rattling in that foreign language.
‘English,’ she said. ‘I should like to learn English.’
Kasu Marimuthu seemed amused. ‘All right,’ he agreed mildly.
‘I shall arrange for a teacher to come tomorrow.’
She smiled shyly. ‘Thank you.’
‘See you at dinner about eight,’ he said, and left.
Kasu Marimuthu knew of course that it was a waste of time, but
he thought it would be interesting to see how much she could pick
up in a month. She didn’t seem too bright, but she was certainly
eager. He laughed softly to think of the peasant’s reaction to his
daughter speaking English.
Parvathi stood uncertainly at the dining room entrance, eyeing
the knives, forks, spoons and other unfamiliar utensils on the table
with great apprehension. Kasu Marimuthu arrived at a quarter
past eight. Maya was nowhere to be seen but a manservant
hovered behind him.
‘You can remove my wife’s cutlery, Gopal. She will eat with
her hand.’ Turning to her he said, ‘Tomorrow you will learn to
use cutlery so that for the time you are here at least, you will be
civilised.’ Then he took his place at the head of the table. She
stood somewhere in the middle of the room, unsure of what was
expected of her. A wife was supposed to serve her husband.
‘Sit,’ he ordered curtly, and indicated the seat beside him. Food
was served by the man whose conversation never progressed
beyond a respectful nod.
It was a clear starry night and Parvathi was on the balcony when she
saw the civet cat, the tip of its tail shining silver in the moonlight. It
had found something to eat on the edge of the beach, but it must
have heard a sound for it stopped, listened and grasping its meal
in its mouth, took off in the direction of the jungle. Parvathi ran
through the house to the balcony facing the jungle, where she saw
its bushy tail disappear into the dark wall of jungle just as Maya
opened the gate that bordered it and went into the pitch black
without a lamp! Either the woman had excellent night vision or
she had imagined it.
jungle, Parvathi walked up to the rocks and sat on the edge of one.
While gazing out at the white surf, something cast its shadow on
her face. She looked up and saw a huge butterfly with wings of
white velvet and a body of coal dust. With a slow swoop around
her head it landed on her hand. It fluttered its wings once and
then snapped them shut and waited. She remembered her mother
saying, ‘When a white animal approaches you it is a sign of grace.’
A moment later, it made for the air once more. It sailed away and
she saw Kupu running towards her.
‘Ama! Ama!’ he called.
She stood up and waited for him. He stopped in front of her,
his body gleaming with sweat and his eyes shining with some
great excitement. ‘I think I’ve found some ancient structure in the
jungle,’ he panted.
‘What is it?’
‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen anything like it. And it’s old,
very old.’
‘Will you take me there?’ she asked eagerly.
He hesitated, glanced down at her flimsy sandals. ‘It’s quite a
way in and the path is not so easy. Maybe it will be better if I clear
the way first.’
‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘I can manage. Really, I can. Please
Kupu. . . .’
‘All right,’ he agreed.
Parvathi felt a thrill as they went out of the gate that Maya
had only that morning said she was not yet ready to go through.
They walked past the wild banana trees growing at the edge of the
forest and suddenly they were inside that dim world of wonder, at
once frightening and enticing. She had imagined it to be cool and
sweet-smelling, but the opposite was true. It was hot, damp and
smelled of decaying deadwood and the fungi that lived on it. Many
layers of fallen leaves made the earth underfoot a living ground.
Sometimes her step released clouds of black spores. Ahead, Kupu
swung his machete at the tangle of undergrowth in graceful arcs.
Every time he glanced back she assured him she was all right, and
they pressed deeper and deeper into the twilight world.
the true meaning of sacrifice and began to offer what was not
important to them, ten fatted goats, their neighbour’s daughter,
the hearts of their enemies. And as this lack of commitment and
fidelity in our ways of welcoming God changed, so also our ability
to meet our Maker as they did.’
Maya turned around to face them, her face large and hideous
with moving shadows from the lamp that swung in her hand. ‘It
will be very interesting indeed to actually lay eyes on all that is
inside this hill.’
Both Kupu and Parvathi nodded.
‘Now you know, Da,’ Maya said quietly, ‘why the goddess
dropped her arm for you. See what your coming caused.’
Parvathi beamed happily at the thought, but that evening she
sat on the edge of her gleaming bath and wondered if Maya could
be wrong, after all – that it was just a simple coincidence. Her
period had come. She was not pregnant. And Kasu Marimuthu
was now certain to return her to her father.
The next three days passed for Parvathi in the study with the
English teacher, while in the jungle Kupu revealed an unexpected
talent for excavation. He knew exactly when to stop the big tractors
and bring in the shovels. He had such a fine instinct that not even
one of the standing stones suffered a scratch.
And then:
‘I’ve got a letter from home, Maya!’ Parvathi cried joyfully,
skipping into the kitchen. ‘And look at the postmark. They must
have sent it almost as soon as I left.’ She ripped it open excitedly.
‘My older brother has written it for my father. He sends his best
wishes . . .’ And then her face closed up and she read the rest in
silence. When she raised her head once more, her eyes were bitter.
‘I was supposed to send money as soon as possible,’ she said. ‘My
mother has fallen ill because she has been missing me, and since
she has not been able to work, the family is in terrible difficulties.
My father borrowed to pay for my travel and my wedding
trousseau. And now he needs that money back’.
‘Wedding trousseau? What wedding trousseau?’ Maya asked.
‘Anyway, my father is very angry and thinks that I have forgotten
my family after all they have done for me.’ And looking at the
letter again, read a part of it out loud.
‘Remember, my daughter, while you are seated at your husband’s
fine table eating delicious meals that there is hardly a full plate of rice
to share between us. And when you get down from your horse-drawn
carriage I want you to keep in mind that your mother has lost a slipper
and with no money to replace it, goes barefoot. Twice now she has cut
her foot on stones and thorns.’
Fresh tears welled up in Parvathi’s eyes. She had never thought
her mother would not replace it. ‘I have been so careless and
selfish. I must do something, but what? I have no money. Should
I ask my husband?’
Maya shook her head gently. ‘No. No good will come of that,
Da. Write to your father and tell him your husband is furious at
his deception. That you are no more than a prisoner here. It is
often like that with bullies, they will dominate only those whom
they perceive to be weaker than them, and your father, forgive
me for saying, is one, so he will bend from the waist to Kasu
Marimuthu’s will at all times. He will tend to his wounded hopes
of an indulgent life quietly and will not bother you for a time.
Things will settle down here, and then you will be able to send
some money home for your mother. But for now I will give you
some money, not enough to satisfy your father, of course, and
your mother will be no better off for it, but we will send it with a
pair of slippers for her.’
‘How can I take your money?’
‘I have renounced all worldly desires and sensual pleasures.
What use money to me?’
‘I will only take it if you consider it a loan.’
‘As you wish, Da.’
* * *
One week later, Kasu Marimuthu went to inspect the site. Parvathi
did not go with her husband. Instead she waited until Maya had
finished cooking lunch and went with her. The women stood
back and watched in awe at what had been uncovered in so little
time. The hill had become a horseshoe shape holding inside it a
complex of structures. The hexagonal room that they had been
so excited over now seemed small and insignificant compared to
the main structure beside it, a tall round tower. On the outside
steep, narrow steps circled it all the way to the top, but Kupu
had said it was still not safe to climb. The men had also exposed
stones arranged in half-circles, and, grouped in twos and threes,
perfectly crafted spheres two to three feet high.
‘Everything here has been carefully measured and planned.
There are extraordinary secrets hidden in every pattern, marking,
surface, length and weight. Even they,’ Maya said, pointing to the
standing stones, ‘are neither dead nor dreamless, but waiting for
the day when one enlightened enough will wake them up again.
And though the mysteries of sacred geomancy reveal themselves
to the uninitiated only very reluctantly, and the time when pure,
irreproachable men could look upon gods in their full divinity is
gone, I dreamed last night that they might not be waiting in vain.’
She stood pensive for a moment.
‘Even now these stones speak to each other. See that
upright tongue-like stone over there? It is a very special stone,
a communicating stone. It will speak even to humans. In my
travels in the Americas a shaman, he was three hundred years
old when I met him, told me that legend has it that if you put
your forehead to them they will take you into their world and
show you things.’
Maya raised her hands and pointed to the cupmarks on the
stones.
‘See those round marks gouged out of the surfaces? Streams of
good energy should be pouring out of them, nourishing all they
touch. But not all earth energy is good.’ She gestured to the floor
of the doomed room in which they were standing. ‘These rings
are inverted silver bowls buried beneath the ground. They are
speaking to the bad energies, keeping them from rising up, saying,
“Come not upon us, east or west”.’
‘How do you know all this?’ Parvathi asked.
‘I feel it, but there is one way to be really sure and that is to use
divining rods. Let’s come back tomorrow and follow the energy
lines that lead off from that main stone over there. We will see
where they take us.’
Maya and Parvathi were back early the next day with divining
rods that Maya had made with bits of metal and wood, to begin
mapping the energy trails emitted by the stones. As Maya had
predicted, streams of them led away from the stones. Mud sloshed
around their ankles and ferns came up to their armpits as they
followed their divining rods. But without warning and for no
apparent reason, Parvathi’s suddenly began to weave sharply
from side to side even though Maya, a few steps ahead, continued
to follow the line without any interference.
‘Maya, something’s wrong with my rods.’
Maya stopped. ‘How is that possible?’ she said. Retracing her
steps, she took up Parvathi’s rod and immediately it began to
move as it should. Maya swung around to look at Parvathi. ‘What
were you thinking about?’
‘Actually, I was remembering my mother.’
An expression impenetrable to Parvathi crossed Maya’s large
face before she turned away, saying briskly, ‘It is enough, what we
have done today. I have to start preparing dinner soon. Let’s mark
the spot and return tomorrow.’
‘What did you do today?’ Kasu Marimuthu asked without
curiosity as he lifted rice and mutton to his mouth.
‘Well, Maya and I used divining rods to follow one of the energy
lines flowing from the standing stones at the temple.’
Kasu Marimuthu shook his head in disbelief. ‘What a ludicrous
idea Since there is a vast range of natural and artificial energies
always present to some degree on all of earth’s surface, dowsing
for energy is an errand without any intellectual agenda. Anybody
could claim to trace a “pattern” using their meaningless results.
Unless you are dowsing for water or minerals, then you are both
wasting your time. What about your English lessons? Have you
lost interest in them then?’
‘No, of course not. We only spent a couple of hours or so doing
that, but if you prefer I will stop.’
For a moment Kasu Marimuthu considered her seriously. Then
he smiled, a mean, mocking little smile. ‘No, do carry on. Let’s test
Baudelaire’s theory that only paganism, if properly understood,
can save the world. Yes, in fact, I am very curious to see this rotten
world as my mad cook beholds it.’
But as it turned out, Parvathi did not carry on, because when
she went that night to sit with Maya they had their first and last
argument.
‘Maya,’ she asked, ‘why did the divining rods go cold in my
hand?’
At first Maya had tried to evade the question by saying, ‘Don’t
worry about it. It can happen sometimes.’
But she had grasped the woman’s hand tightly in her own
and insisted, ‘But why did it happen while I was thinking of my
mother? And why did your face change so? I must know. Tell me,
please.’
Even then Maya had hesitated, but Parvathi continued to nag
her until eventually Maya pressed her purplish lips together, and
said, ‘The divining rods can go haywire if the person working
them thinks of someone deceased. The more recently departed,
the more quickly they will go cold.’
Parvathi threw Maya’s hand away as if red hot. ‘What a
cruel thing to say!’ she cried. ‘My husband is right. All of this is
nonsense. How can we pretend to map energies when the entire
earth’s surface is covered with them? And how can you possibly
know anything about people who died thousands of years ago,
anyway? My mother is not dead. Do you hear me? She is alive.’
And she fled from Maya and did not see her until the next night
when she was cold and formal with her. ‘I would never have said
such a thing to her,’ she fumed. ‘How could she? She shouldn’t
even have thought it, let alone said it.’ Maya for her part did not
seek out her mistress and remained in the kitchen. And later in the
Two days later, Kasu Marimuthu came home early from work. He
interrupted her English lesson and sent the teacher home. Then
he sat in front of her and told her that her father had sent him a
telegram. Her mother had passed away.
‘Passed away?’ Parvathi enquired politely.
Kasu Marimuthu nodded. ‘Nearly a week ago.’
‘Oh.’
There was a pause.
‘Did my father say anything else?’
Kasu Marimuthu’s eyes slid away from his wife’s. ‘He asked for
some money.’
Parvathi felt nothing. She brought the palms of her hands up to
her chest. ‘Will you give it to him?’ she whispered.
‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘My lawyer has already drawn up a letter.
Your father will get a lump sum, a rather large one, and in exchange
he must never attempt to contact you again.’
‘Oh.’
‘If you want, we can go to the temple today and have the priest
do some prayers for your mother.’
She looked up into her husband’s face. ‘Did my father say what
sickness?’
This time Kasu Marimuthu did not flinch away but looked her
directly in the eye and very slowly and clearly said, ‘She hanged
herself.’
Parvathi stood suddenly, and as she backed away from him,
whispered hoarsely, ‘I’m all right. Really I am. I just need a bit of
time. If you don’t mind.’
‘Of course,’ he said.
She turned and walked quickly out of the room. Her feet took
her to the front door. Funny, how she didn’t remember the trip
to the door. She stood at the entrance steps for a minute. She
must be alone. The sea. She would go to the sea. She ran towards
the beach. She was already at the edge before she realised she
was there. She was losing bits of time. How strange. She thought
of the rocks, and found herself at the foot of them. By the time
she climbed to the top her breath was coming in great gasps and
her chest was tight and burning. She stared out into the horizon.
Below, the sea roared and crashed.
She seized her head with both hands and tried to remember her
mother. And to her great surprise found she could not. Instead,
she could only see her father’s face, scornful and displeased. She
hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. Repeatedly. Stupid.
Stupid.
Suddenly her skull yielded that beautiful woman. She came
back to her, not blue, not purple, but unscathed and in no way
diminished. All of her was still there. She remembered her, in the
market tipping a bottle of honey upsidedown to check if it had
been diluted. She had a way of turning the bottle so the honey
journeyed down in swirls and rings, dripping only from the
middle. But when the bottle was brought home Parvathi could
only make the honey slide down the sides.
She must have done it on the centre beam of the house. But
how could she? Parvathi thought of how Kamala had once said,
‘Committing suicide is easy. It only takes a minute to decide. And
afterwards, if it is a failure, you are sad and ashamed that at that
moment you were so selfish you did not even think of your own
children. But at that moment it is easy.’
Parvathi howled then.
Back in the house Kasu Marimuthu poured himself a large
measure of whisky. She would come back when she was ready.
She had asked for time. He would give her that.
The sun was almost disappearing behind the house, and her
voice was lost with sobbing when Maya came and sat beside her.
They sat staring out towards the restless sea as the moon rose over
it.
‘I’ve finished tracing the energy stream we were following,’
Maya said gently. ‘It enters the river, crosses it, and travels towards
the house. It encircles the house, to form something of a protective
energy bubble before entering through the back door and exiting
through the windows. Taking the path of least resistance, the
streams then come to these rocks before going out to sea towards
that island.’ And she pointed towards an island in the distance.
This said, they sat together in perfect silence.
Hours later, Maya broke the silence to ask if she would like some
food. Parvathi shook her head slowly. And a few hours later, Maya
asked if she would like to go in. Once more she only shook her
head. Eventually, Parvathi laid her exhausted head in Maya’s lap
and Maya covered her curled body with one end of her sari so she
would fall asleep. But every time she nodded off she would jerk
awake with a startled cry. Once she whispered, ‘How long has she
been hanging there?’ And another time. ‘For pity’s sake untie that
woman.’ It was the early-morning hours when dreamless sleep
finally came to claim her.
Waiting at the French windows with a glass of whisky in his
hand, an inebriated Kasu Marimuthu stared with a mixture of
disbelief and awe at the fantastic sight of the large dark shape
of his cook coming up the slope, carrying his sleeping wife in
her enormous arms as if she weighed no more than a garland of
flowers.
As it turned out, the Black Umbrella Club was not a club, merely
the weekly gathering of the wives of seven men who had left Ceylon
to fill the lower ranks in the departments of the British government
of Malaya. The women took it in turns to host their assembly, held
mid-afternoon when their chores were done and their men were
still at work. Since they lived within walking distance of each other,
each one would arrive depending on the weather, either under a
black umbrella, or with it tucked into her armpit.
The housewives’ agenda was, as Kasu Marimuthu’s first wife
had snootily dismissed, provincial to say the least. They met to talk
about the meals they had cooked for their families, gossip about
the doings of the rest of the Ceylonese community, discuss events
being organised at the temple, and show off their handiwork –
things they crocheted, sewed or knitted.
Nervously, Parvathi dressed for her first meeting. Had they
come by the gossip of how she had become Kasu Marimuthu’s
wife? Would she be compared unfavourably to her sophisticated
predecessor? Anxiously, she went into the kitchen where Maya,
bless her, told her she looked beautiful, which helped a bit.
All the neighbours came out of their houses to admire the Rolls
and stare at Parvathi. Self-consciously, she walked towards the
wooden house standing on low concrete stilts. Her hostess, a
plain, matronly woman, was waiting at the top of the stone stairs.
With a sinking heart Parvathi noted that she was dressed in a well-
starched cotton sari and a plain white blouse, with her oiled hair
coiled at the nape of her neck. Parvathi guessed that inside the
house there wouldn’t be a jewelled belt or a gold hair ornament to
share between all the other members.
Velei Mami (Fair married lady) because she had the much-
admired golden colouring of a young mango.
As their nicknames were made known to her, Parvathi earned
hers: Rolls Royce Mami (married lady with the Rolls Royce).
Parvathi smiled and took the seat that had been left vacant for
her. The women leaned forward, curious about the daughter of
the man crafty enough to cheat such an incredibly important
man as Kasu Marimuthu. Kundi Mami began the inquisition
with the grave business of Parvathi’s family background. What
was her father’s name? Who was her grandfather? She told them.
No, they shook their oiled heads slowly in unison. No one knew
of him. Which village was she from? Vathiry. Ah, that was the
neighbouring one to Manga Mami. Everybody turned to look at
her, but she shook her head regretfully. No, she had definitely
never heard of Parvathi’s family, but she knew a Tangavellupilai?
Did Parvathi know of his family? It was Parvathi’s turn to shake
her head regretfully. She never left the house much. They nodded
approvingly. Girls shouldn’t run about like boys.
What about the name of her relatives in Malaya? Sokalingham?
Which Sokalingham? Was it the one who worked in Public Works?
No, not Public Works Sokalingham. Oh . . . Sokalingham from
Kuala Lipis. In that case they would not have heard of them
either. None of the Mamis knew people from there. Even Negeri
Sembilan Mami shook her head gravely. Never mind all that, what
about her family? How many of them? Five brothers. Would they
be coming to Malaya too? No? They should. This was the land
of milk and honey. If they were doing nothing better than tilling
the land, she should send for them. Surely Kasu Marimuthu
would be able to place them somewhere in his empire? ‘A tycoon’
Padi Mami called him. ‘I suppose my father and my husband
will decide whether they come or not,’ Parvathi said. The Mamis
nodded sagely.
Kundi Mami’s children returned from Tamil school and she
sent them straight to the kitchen. Without moving from her chair
or turning to look in their direction, she knew when they had
chewed their last mouthful, and imperiously ordered them into
Now the women were well and truly shocked. They did not
have servants. Only Padi Mami, on account of her bad back, had
a woman in from India to clean three times a week. She paid her
ten dollars a month, but had nothing but horrible things to say
about the woman. She was a drunk, she talked back, she was dirty,
she smelled bad and ate too much.
‘Never mind,’ consoled Melahae Mami. ‘You are still young and
beautiful. You don’t have to cook hot aubergine curries just so he
will rush home to you.’
The other Mamis guffawed heartily.
As she was leaving they asked her if they could have cuttings
from the pots of Japanese roses in her house. Parvathi was glad to
oblige.
Then Padi Mami smiled at her and said, ‘It’s a very good thing
your husband married you. His first wife was no good. Look what
shame she brought him. But what can you expect from an Indian
woman? They can be used only as servants.’
‘Far easier to trust a cobra than an Indian,’ said Melahae Mami.
‘It is always a mistake to marry outside your own kind,’ agreed
Negeri Sembilan Mami quietly.
Parvathi said nothing, but when she reached home she headed
immediately for the kitchen.
‘How did it go?’ Maya asked with a smile.
Parvathi touched Maya’s arm and pulled it downwards. Maya
sat on the floor and Parvathi lay down beside her with her head in
the woman’s lap.
‘Maya,’ she said looking up into the face hovering over hers, ‘do
you think Indians are very different from Ceylonese?’
‘Ah,’ Maya said slowly. ‘People who keep prejudices in their
hearts do not know that it does far more harm to them than to the
people they express it to.’
‘I don’t want to go back there. The way they spoke of Indians
made me angry. How can I keep going back to them if they speak
like that about your people? I feel disloyal to you.’
‘Don’t grieve on my behalf. Their recent ancestry is from the
land of Jaffna, but take it back far enough and they will turn into
dreaded Indians right before their eyes. So you see, my people are
their people.’
‘Even if I go back, I will have to set them straight.’
‘But why say anything at all? In arguing, you will lose not only
their friendship but more importantly, your precious energy.
And anyway, they have been incarnated into a certain race to
experience all the lessons and opportunities that that race offers.
So if they want to marry inside that race and have children of
that race, who are you to tell them otherwise? Shall I accuse
them of being racist because they don’t want to leave their race
for mine? Leave them be. Why ruin their illusions of superiority?
By resorting to prejudice they reveal their lack of confidence
in their own worth. Wish them well. It is not for you to judge.
Don’t do what they do. Don’t look for differences. Look for the
similarities.’
For a long while Parvathi remained silent and thinking. She
did not cook for her husband, she had no children, and didn’t
think that she could get too excited about a bit of needlework. The
Mamis were all older than her. They dressed differently. And it
was certain they had never lain in the dark and wished for a man
to be willing to die for them.
‘There are no similarities,’ she replied finally.
‘There are,’ Maya said firmly, ‘You just haven’t found them yet.
Don’t give up so quickly.’
‘Maya,’ Parvathi asked after awhile. ‘Who pounds our spices
and chillies for us?’
Maya looked surprised. ‘Old Vellupilai,’ she answered.
Parvathi laughed. ‘Oh Maya,’ she said and laughed again. She
did have something in common with the other members of the
Black Umbrella Club, after all. Maya was so right. Now that
she had found the first similarity, suddenly, many rushed upon
her, their shared accents, ancestry and femaleness. Weren’t they
full of hopes for the future, and didn’t they desire happiness for
themselves and their families?
‘One thing though,’ Parvathi said with a frown. ‘All of them run
their own households and I felt like a silly girl today for knowing
so little about the running of mine. I don’t even know how many
staff we have.’
‘That’s easily remedied. We have twenty-two servants.’ Slipping
her hand into her blouse Maya fished out a purse from her chest
and gave it to Parvathi. ‘And if you like you can start learning about
your household by going to the beach with Amin this evening to
buy some fish.’
Parvathi opened the purse and looked at the foreign notes.
‘Straits dollars,’ she said, and giggled; she was going on her first
ever shopping expedition. Maya smiled.
and she signalled for him to carry on. Plunging his hand into the
boat he began to choose the fish he wanted. He pointed to his
selection, a pile of mackerel.
‘How much?’ he asked in Malay.
‘Four cents,’ the fisherman replied.
Amin pushed his watch with the thick silver strap that his
employer had given him on his last birthday higher up his arm,
and made a disbelieving face. ‘Less, less,’ he admonished.
‘Three cents,’ said the fisherman.
Amin made a convincingly incredulous face. ‘Three cents! For
these few?’
Parvathi had the impression Amin was showing off because she
was there and that four cents was a very fair price indeed. The
fisherman turned his leathery face as craggy as stormwaves to the
new mistress of the great mansion on the beachfront.Their eyes met
and held for a few seconds. His had endured much hardship; they
were full of loneliness, patience, waiting. It was as if he had spent so
many days and nights alone out at sea that he had become the sea.
And now he, more than other men felt the salt in his sweat and the
ebb and flow of blood in his wrists. He knew secrets. In his deep
unfathomable eyes lay the knowledge that he was alive because the
sea favoured him, but the day might come when it would reclaim
him for its own. Then his wife and children would stand for hours
at the water’s edge scanning the horizon incessantly, uselessly.
He imagined her to have access to unimaginable amounts of
money. But that served only to disadvantage him. He was poor
and the poor must always defer to the rich. It was a privilege to sell
to the rich to count them as your customers, even if they robbed
you in the process. And yet he was not a trader, not in any way
that counted. For he believed in rezeki, the will of God gives. That
one should always work hard and be grateful for all God’s mercies
large or small. If God was willing only to part with two and half
cents then so be it. He sighed his defeat.
‘All right then. Two and a half cents,’ he said.
Parvathi looked at the man’s burned toes half-submerged in
wet sand, the ripped long-sleeved top, and the cloth he knotted
around his throat to protect his arms and the nape of his neck
from the fierce midday sun and the cold night air. She looked
at the triangular hat that had not stopped his face from turning
deep bronze, and at that terrible poverty that she recognised in
his opened palm. Without thinking she moved forward and thrust
into his hand her five-dollar note. The fisherman began to shake
his head, he had no change on him. But Parvathi shook her head
and it suddenly dawned upon him. He was being given money.
The simple man opened his mouth to protest. It was far too
much. He could not possibly accept. He held it out, but she smiled
and, beckoning the gaping Amin, began to walk away. Amin was
saying something in a whining voice but she did not listen. Her
heart was full of joy. With her back to the house she had done
something good.
The moment they returned Amin ran to tell Maya that they
shouldn’t let the mistress out on any more buying expeditions
because she hadn’t yet learned the value of the Straits currency.
But Maya told him that she did not have the authority to stop
the new mistress of Adari from doing anything she wanted to.
However, she added, if he was in a position to do so, he should
definitely curtail her. With a shrug of indifference Amin slipped
out of the back door.
Two days later, the men came running in to tell her they had found
the skin of a large snake by the stairs to the tower; they thought it
might be a king cobra. They advised her not to go to the site until
they could trap and kill it. In the most imperious voice she could
manage she forbade them to kill any snakes on her husband’s land.
Instead they should leave eggs and a bowl of milk for it.
‘It could bite us,’ they cried in unison.
Parvathi said she would feed the cobra herself. Every day, rain
or shine.
‘What if it comes to feed while you are up there? You will be
trapped with no way out.’
‘Snakes loathe climbing stairs,’ Maya said with a smile.
Finally the tower was declared safe for the women to enter.
However, the steps were without railings and so steep that it was
vertiginous to look down. A third of the way up, Parvathi found
herself down on her hands and feet, crawling slowly. At the low
entrance they bent to enter. An oil lamp threw its sickly glow on
the small chamber, empty but for a coffin-shaped granite box. It
had no lid. Inside were traces of white grains.
A tense silence hung in the air and Parvathi rubbed her arms
to dispel a strange sensation of being watched. If a god had once
lived here, he could not have been the friendly sort.
‘Where are the gods?’ she whispered.
‘This is not the temple,’ Maya said, and they climbed the stairs
to the top where there was a platform. ‘This is the temple.’
‘This?’
Maya nodded.
Over dinner, that night, Kasu Marimuthu said, ‘So you’ve been to
the site today? What did you think?’
‘Why do you call it a site? It’s a temple complex.’
‘There is nothing in it to suggest it was that. With it being so
close to the sea it could have been an observation tower, an early
warning system of sea attacks.’
‘An observation tower? But what about the room in the middle?’
‘Probably a storage room of some kind. Possibly even the
lodgings of the poor bugger who manned the tower.’
‘How strange that you should say that. Just thinking of that
room makes my skin crawl.’
‘Why? It’s an empty room.’
‘It was not always empty. Maya says nothing is ever lost, even
walls will retain every thought and deed that occurs inside them.
Layer by layer, all is recorded. And the walls there are shocked.’
Kasu Marimuthu stared with astonishment at his wife. ‘What
do you think happened in there?’
‘I don’t know. Maya says people were tortured in there.’ She
paused. ‘Repeatedly.’
He gave her an odd look. ‘I hope you won’t go around saying
such things to anyone else, or they’ll think I’m married to a
madwoman.’
She shook her head hastily, and he changed the subject. ‘They
must have been exceptional stonecutters though, amazingly
precise. I’ve never seen anything like it.’
‘Maya says those are not stones. They were poured into shape.’
too shocked by its open mouth, and its long canine teeth; two if not
three inches long. Already he was so close. Unbelievable! There it
was danger, rushing, flying towards her, and she watched as if it
was happening at the end of a long tunnel. She understood that
everything was happening at incredible speed and yet it seemed to
her in slow motion. The slowness meant she saw and heard it all
in stunning detail: the way the animal’s fur lifted off his body and
flew up into the air when his legs left the ground, and settled down
while he was still airborne, only to rise up again with his next leap.
The deafening thud of his progress and his scream, so savage, so
full of threat. Withdraw. Leave. Give.
Then, something unexpected – a ball of guava leaves, a
tailor ants’ nest, whizzed towards the ape and hit him square
in the face. The ants vented their fury at their destroyed home
immediately. The brute screamed with pain and rage and ran
howling back in the direction he had come from. Parvathi
turned her frozen face towards the guava tree and Kupu
nodded respectfully to her.
‘Ama,’ he said, coming to stand in front of her. ‘It’s not safe to
walk around with food in your hands.’
She nodded and then her knees gave way and she slid to the
ground into a sitting position. He crouched next to her. She
looked from his dripping wet clothes up to his face. ‘You’re wet,’
she observed in a wobbly voice.
He jerked his head at the guava tree where he had dropped
his gunnysack on the ground. ‘I’ve been gathering seaweed from
around the island for Maya.’
‘Oh,’ she said. Now she understood. He had come out of the
sea, and with lightning quick reflexes plucked an ants’ nest from
the guava tree and flung it at the charging beast. She was not
surprised; she had seen him catch a flying lizard in his hands. She
looked down at her own hands. They were grasping the bananas
tightly. If the monkey had got to her . . . She opened her fingers
and the fruit fell into her lap.
‘Where were you going with the bananas?’
‘I wanted to feed the Siamangs.’
saw Kupu already in dry clothes, leaning against it, watching her.
She waved and he waved back; with a silent prayer, she stepped
into the forest. She did not see him slip into the jungle behind her
or realise that never once was she out of his sight.
From the top of the tower she could see the Siamang family
sprawled lazily in the shady branches. She named them, the father
she called Humpty, the mother, Mary; the intrepid youngster had
to be Jack, and the little one was obviously a Jill. That day, she had
her first encounter with Jack. She made her clicking whining sound
and after a few minutes he swung off a branch and dropped onto
the platform. Standing on two legs, he scrutinised her warily. On
the tree branches, both parents tore off their lethargy and turned
resolute attention to the manoeuvrings and goings-on on the roof
tower between their offspring and the human.
Parvathi stayed very still as he walked towards her, his long
hands held high above his head to balance himself. Three feet
away he stopped and dropped to his haunches. His father
munched pensively on a leaf stalk, but his mother gave a
coughing bark – a nervous warning. Ignoring her, the reckless
adolescent pursed his lips and sat down. His reddish-brown eyes
fixed on her, innocent, vulnerable, intelligent. But abruptly, he
broke eye-contact, looked up and caught something small, an
insect, which he ate.
Hoping to re-engage his attention, Parvathi made the sound
again, and froze. She had the attention of the Siamang, but
something else had caught hers. She rose and went to one side
of the platform where creepers hung from a tree like a thick wall.
Nervously, she parted the green curtain, and found Kupu, his
dirty brown hair well camouflaged amongst bark and leaves.
‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded.
‘You were making the sound incorrectly,’ he said sheepishly.
‘Did you follow me here?’
‘Yes.’
‘I thought you said I was safe with the jungle.’
He smiled lopsidedly. ‘I wasn’t so sure the jungle was safe with
you.’
Parvathi had to bite her lips not to laugh out loud, but in truth
she didn’t like the thought of being spied upon. So she said very
sternly, ‘I do not need to be watched like a child. However, since
you are here you might as well get out of that tree and come and
sit with me.’
He landed on the platform in a single leap. His skin smelled of
the sea. She looked away. ‘Tell me about the battle with the tiger.’
His hand went up to touch the scar. ‘It was no battle. I was
working in a circus as an errand boy, and feeding the animals was
one of my duties. One day during feeding time, which is when the
tigers are at their most ferocious and unpredictable, one of the
cages that had not been properly locked, suddenly swung open.
One moment I was standing there with a bucket of raw meat
and next, the tiger’s claws were in my cheek and his jaw a clamp
around my neck. But there was no pain. For those few seconds
nothing existed but his glowing yellow eyes, fiery breath, and the
deep, low growling that seemed to come from the very depths of
him. It was as if he had done magic on me, paralysed me. Then
the trainer was there cracking his whip and he leaped off.’
‘Did they put the tiger down?’
He turned to look at her wryly. ‘In India even the small animals
are more precious than the workers. They told me to leave. I was
too careless.’
‘What happened to you?’
‘Oh, then came the burning pain, and many days of fever. Again
and again, dreaming of that tiger. I dreamed it suffocated me to
death, but I was not afraid. Sometimes I would talk to it. I told it,
“Hurry up Akbar, this pain is insufferable.” ’
The sound of men approaching floated up, and as if startled out
of a dream Kupu sprang up and slipped behind the curtain. The
suddenness of the movement caused Jack to cartwheel backwards,
leap into the air and, hooking his hand around a branch that
must have been more than twenty feet away, engage in the most
clownish of hyperactive acrobatics. Parvathi heard a movement in
the adjacent tree and knew Kupu was gone. Going to the edge of
the roof she looked down. The men had brought a tall cage with
a round hole at the top so only the snake could get inside to eat
the eggs.
As time passed, Parvathi came upon garlands of flowers,
camphor and incense. No one ever saw the big snake, but perhaps
someone had made a wish that had come true, for the men had
begun to call it the wish-fulfilling tree. Then when it was no longer
enough to simply feed their god, they built him a shelter. A simple
wooden structure with a concrete base and a low altar, but what
else did those poor people know. She found their belief touching,
their shelter, a sun-dappled square of peace and quiet. Every
garden, she thought, should have such a sanctuary, a mellow place
of worship.
But her husband shook his rich, educated head. Still, what did
he know of real, unquestioning faith? Nothing. He thought it
should be obvious to anyone with half a brain that the Siamangs
were simply putting their long hands to good use, and helping
themselves to the eggs. Otherwise there should be some pieces of
broken shell left behind.
The local women did not know better. What fortunate people.
They came to clean the lean-to, bringing their bells, their cloths,
their oil lamps, their clackers, their garlands of mango leaves and
eventually their ecstasy, and the place became a holy shrine. All
hours they went to pour oil into the solitary hanging lamp and so
intimately intertwined their lives with the shrine. Simple peasant
women are special people. Their tales are not idle. In no time the
intensity of their prayers turned it into a place of pilgrimage. If
she were a god, she too would come to wait in that little haven of
devotion.
It was there that Parvathi met the gardener and asked him for a
small vegetable plot. He allocated a corner plot lying fallow and she
began growing long beans, tomatoes and chillies. As she worked
the soil with her hoe she imagined harvesting the long beans while
they were still unripe and tender. Her back was sore but even at
sundown when her husband arrived she was still working. He got
out of his car and came towards her. She straightened and waited
for him with a hand pressed into the small of her back.
‘Come and see how much I’ve done all by myself,’ she cried out
joyfully to him, when he was close enough to hear her.
‘You’ve grown even darker,’ he said grimly.
And suddenly she felt the mess that her hair was, the sweat that
made her clothes stick to her back, and the streaks of dried mud
on her face. Taking her unresisting wrist in his hand he looked at
the blackened nails and brown calluses – they had been pulling up
roots. He raised his eyes to hers.
‘You are the mistress of Adari. Why do you want to look like a
servant?’
He dropped her hand and she used it to scratch a mosquito
bite. They stared at each other in the gathering dusk, strangers. In
the distance Kupu was standing by the generator room, one leg
twisted around the other, watching them. She dropped her head in
shame. She’d not work the land again. She knew Kasu Marimuthu
was waiting for her to speak, but she remained mute. If only she
could say she didn’t want to be always perfumed, colourful and
studded with hard gems, but she knew she mustn’t. She must
wait. This was still the sober capitalist who addressed her, and she
almost never had the right thing to say to him.
In a little while, dark would descend and the hard-headed
businessman would go away and strong drinks would bring forth
the poet who would go out to the hawkers in town and return with
packages of food carefully chosen to contain no meat. And they
would sit listening to concerts on the wireless.
When the moon was full, they ate in the garden. She would
carefully fill the beautiful seventeenth-century Ming vase with
water and he would drop into it a handful of orchids that he had
cut himself. He refused to arrange them, preferring instead to
haphazardly throw all the different types and colours together.
Years later, when she recalled him, she remembered the moonlit
orchids dazzling in the blue and white vase, and his slurred voice
reciting poetry. Great Indian works and sometimes Blake. Rolling
out of him from some unknown depth to surprise her. How
strange that this immensely practical man should by night turn
into a such deep and eloquent lover of beauty.
The undrinkable brew – for she had tried the whisky – must be
a secret door to another world, one infinitely more beautiful than
the one he lived in during the day. Every night he opened it and
they walked through the darkness to a storehouse of grandeur.
Once there he carelessly used and discarded the gifts he found.
She ran behind him to pick up the priceless items as they dropped
from him. She knew that when dawn came, that world would
disappear into thin air. And then it became once more a parade
of blame, cold regard, and the deliberate negation of her very
existence. That only while they stopped there it pressed upon him,
his wishing her better.
Then they would go indoors into the dim library and amongst
his countless books he attempted to educate her; poetry, art,
literature, music . . . He flicked the gramophone switch.
‘This is Wagner,’ he said, slumping untidily into a chair, a glass
held loosely between his knees, as rich, primal music filled the
spaces between them. ‘See the way he refuses to find resolution to
these chords?’
Although she closed her eyes and listened very carefully, she
never could hear what she was meant to, what was daylight to him.
‘Do you hear it?’
She opened her eyes and looked into his waiting, watching
eyes. She did not want to disappoint him, really she did not. But.
‘No,’ she confessed sadly. She was tone deaf. She could not even
differentiate between the flutes and violins.
To his credit he showed neither disillusionment nor displeasure.
He nodded thoughtfully and stood up to select another record.
‘This is Verdi. Listen to the change in colour.’
Colour! She let the soft luxurious sounds swirl around her.
‘Hear the difference now.’
She bent her head in concentration.
‘Now,’ he said, ‘that!’ That? ‘That, that lower sound. There it is
again.’ Where? ‘And again.’
But slowly, night-by-night with the grandfather clock ticking
loudly in the background, she thought she began to hear sounds
so rich they had to be finished by another lower sound. They left
to her performance and they say that she is very good. Shall we
go too?’
‘Why not?’ her husband said. ‘Find out when the next
performance is.’
For the occasion fruiting banana trees had been cut and tied to
either side of the temple entrance. The Chairman of the temple
committee came out to the street to greet and garland them while
the priest hovered at the entrance, and Parvathi remembered
Melahae Mami saying, ‘I remember in the good old days in
Ceylon when the priests used to go up to ordinary people and say,
“Come in, come in. Sit down and eat.” Nowadays they only care
about people with money. Only to them are they kind.’
Inside the temple special lamps had been lit. At the end of the
temple a blue statue of Lord Krishna holding a flute to his mouth
had been erected and richly decorated. A large crowd segregated
by sex was already seated on the floor. A place had been reserved
for Parvathi in the front of the women’s section. Looking around
she saw that none of the other Black Umbrella Club members
were present.
She came in then, this temptress, with painted eyes and reddened
mouth, and a hush fell upon the crowd. Without acknowledging
her audience she went directly to the statue and threw herself at
its feet. Moments later she came up upon her hands, her back
arched dramatically. With a fluid, undulating movement, she rose.
Striking her feet on the floor she began to dance, her eyes darting
from side to side, her lips smiling and chanting her Lord’s name
incessantly, as if in an ecstasy of devotion.
Red lotus! There was nothing more pious or God-fearing
than this woman’s dancing. Her anklets did not just chime, they
laughed, they cried, they spoke. With her hands she made the
gesture to depict the great feet of Krishna. For she was Ratha
anxiously preparing for Krishna’s arrival. Her costume rustled
and whispered. Though unsure if he was coming she applied
kajal to her eyes, rubbed sandalwood paste on her breasts, and put
flowers in her hair. Suddenly, she stopped her ministrations and
her hennaed feet began to run in circles – distress. Worrying about
what kept her lover away. Even in the painfully bright lights of the
temple, Parvathi accepted her distress. And when she turned her
face towards the breath of the Yamuna River and began to mime
the silvery movements of tears, Parvathi felt the back of her own
eyes begin to burn.
The dancer’s eyes grew enormous, the cymbals crashed, her
eyebrows rose – surprise. Her devotion had been rewarded; a spell
had been cast, and now she could see her beloved everywhere – in
the walls, in the flame of the lamp, in the sky, the trees outside, the
chair, the bed. Everywhere. He fell on her like rain. She lifted her
hands to catch him, pure joy flitting across her face, and began to
dance rapturously. Her dance drove her mad and she experienced
God’s touch. Light, bliss, grace, all came to her simultaneously.
Finally, she came to a standstill in front of the statue, panting,
utterly spent. She did not look to the crowd for adulation, but ran
behind a wall and disappeared.
Behind Parvathi someone said, ‘Only a gypsy could dance like
that.’
To which her companion sniffed and answered, ‘Only a gypsy
would wish to dance like that. It shouldn’t be allowed in a temple.
God lives here.’
But Parvathi sat frozen with admiration. Never had she seen
anyone dance, let alone so beautifully, and with such energy. This
woman actually loved with complete abandon. This was the kind
of love Parvathi had dreamed of all her life. If only she could love
in that way. People were stirring, getting up to go, but Parvathi,
heavy with unfulfilled dreams, remained seated.
Her husband came and said, ‘Shall we go?’
She rose and followed him out. They did not speak in the car
and when they arrived in the porch, she said, ‘You go ahead. I’m
not tired. I’ll come in a bit.’ He must have looked at her curiously
but she had already opened her door and stepped out into the cool
night air. The ropes of the swing crushed her sari. She pushed
herself off the ground and keeping her legs straight out in front
of her, let her head hang back. Between the leaves of the tree the
moon and the stars shone brightly.
That morning, Mary had come onto the flat roof. At first she
stood where she landed, eyeing Parvathi warily. But Parvathi spoke
to her gently and she had approached cautiously. Sitting down, she
pulled her sick baby away from her shaggy body and held the soft
ball of dark fur out to Parvathi. It weighed no more than a potato.
Tenderly, with her mother watching, Parvathi bathed the wound
in Maya’s liquid. It whimpered once and then lay passively. The
poor thing was so weak it was more dead than alive. She bandaged
Jill and gave the baby back to her mother, who carefully stuck the
black ball of fur back on her body and swung off the roof.
The stars and wind rushed at Parvathi. If she could only keep
her back against this house long enough, she would find forever
in a moment. The curving night sky became her whole world. She
lost track of time and was startled by the crackling of something
underfoot. She turned her head sideways. Her neck hurt. She had
not realised how stiff it had become.
‘Come in now. It’s late,’ her husband said.
She let her feet touch the ground, dragged them.
‘Maya is cooking sand crabs for you tomorrow,’ she said.
‘That will be nice.’
The swing came to a halt.
‘Do you know the name of the dancer?’
‘No, but I can ask the priest if you want to know,’ he offered,
kindly, as if he pitied her.
‘No, no, it doesn’t matter. It was only a passing thought.’
‘I’ll see you upstairs then,’ he said, and turned his back to her.
Sitting in bed she opened her favourite book, Beauty and the
Beast. Beauty too had sacrificed herself for her father. In the
illustration Beauty had a little heart-shaped face very much like
hers, but she had brown hair and enormous emerald eyes, while
Beast was depicted with paw-like hands and a leonine face, but
not entirely ugly. There were no pictures of the beautiful palace
where Beast lived, but Parvathi envisaged it looking something
like Adari. She imagined him saying, ‘I’ve been waiting all my life
for you. I built this jewelled palace for you. All I want to do is
please you.’ If she closed her eyes she could hear the corridors
whispering what he could not say; ‘Be mine. Set me free.’ And she
heard herself saying, ‘I love you. I am yours.’
Parvathi awaited her first party with nervous anticipation, for she
believed herself unprepared. In fact, she felt certain she was going
to commit some grave faux pas. Still, she had her strategy – she’d
not eat, drink or do anything until she had seen someone else do it
first. After that she’d simply copy the action in its entirety.
Her strategy hit its first snag when Kasu Marimuthu came to an
abrupt stop at her door and barked, ‘Is that what you are planning
to wear?’
She had no glittery merchandise for her shop window.
‘Show me all your clothes,’ he ordered, moving briskly into the
room.
She opened the cupboard and stood aside as he surveyed the
cheap saris her father had bought for her wedding trousseau.
Incredulous, he turned around to consider the woman he had
married. ‘Is that all?’
She nodded and remembered Madame Regine saying, ‘I will
not help with your costumes as I know nothing about them.’
‘What a funny little thing you are,’ he muttered, turning back
to confront the dowdy contents of his wife’s cupboard, brown,
bottle-green, grey and dirty yellow saris. And it shocked him too
to think that he had paid so little attention to her that he had not
noticed her cheap, ugly clothing. ‘Well, it’s too late to do anything
about it now,’ he began, and then stopped.
‘Or maybe not—’ Snatching up her wedding sari blouse, and
making a sign over his shoulder that she should follow him, he left
on such big strides that she had to run to keep up. They crossed
the courtyard, and made for a room she had not yet entered.
When she had first explored the house it had been locked, and
struggling with their language. The first thing they inevitably did
was find another Imperialist face to whinge about how much they
missed the meat pies from their butcher back home, proper fish
and chips, Sunday roasts, reading the broadsheets, etc, etc. There
they were in Kasu Marimuthu’s beautiful grounds, enjoying his
lavish hospitality and asserting their cultural superiority. Once
Ponambalam Mama accused her of naming the Siamangs with
European names because she thought the white race was better
than her own.
‘Aren’t they?’ she had replied.
‘Can’t you see they are convinced of their superiority only
because you are?’ he countered in frustration. ‘Do you know
that when the white man first came to India, he mixed only with
royalty and therefore convinced of their superiority he went native,
copying their language, customs, habits, and even marrying their
princesses. So you see, our value and riches we hold in our own
hands.’
Parvathi shook her head in disagreement. ‘You’re not actually
going to deny that we are woefully backward compared to them.
We don’t think like them or invent like them. Do you know that
everything in this house was designed by them?’
Ponambalam Mama sighed and said something about the
cycles of human evolution, about the Egyptian civilisation that
had built things that could not be replicated even today by the
most advanced white man.
And though she had stayed silent after that, Parvathi retained
the opinion that the whites were, in fact, different. Even their
children were not submissive like Asian ones. Disobedient, bold,
and full of curiosity and always asking, ‘Why?’
As if aware of Parvathi’s growing inferiority complex, once
while they were watching a crow search the ground for worms,
Maya said, ‘When you sit quietly and listen to their chatter, do not
forget that in other lives you have already been white. And when
you were that colour you too spoke as if that alone made you
superior to your fellow men of different colours. Do you know,
that crow sees black as white and white as black? So to it they
are all black and you are white. Your reality is an illusion of your
perception.’
The crow cawed harshly and Maya added. ‘On the day you
hear that as a song, you will know that you have found that your
reality is not solid. If you change your perception, you will change
your reality.’
Unconvinced, Parvathi did not try to change her perception,
but continued to secretly eavesdrop on the white women’s gossip.
They hardly noticed her, partly because she remained so still,
and partly because their smugness prevented them from ever
suspecting that her vocabulary had long since surpassed theirs.
From them she learned that Kasu Marimuthu was ‘nouveau
riche’, Adari was ‘Versailles meets Hollywood’ and she was the
‘botched replacement’. But she bore them no ill-will. If anything,
she was utterly fascinated by them.
She could have listened to them for hours talking about their
children, shopping at NAAFI, the unbearable heat, their thieving
servants, the absence of a good school system, reminiscences
about their country cottages, their rose gardens in spring, and
gossip about people they knew. They seemed to reserve their most
catty remarks for India Jane Harrington, the Headmaster’s wife.
Often she was criticised for letting the side down, while the other
women moved closer and shook their heads disapprovingly.
‘Honestly,’ said Mrs Adams, ‘the woman’s quite enough to make
one ashamed of one’s own race. She’s now gone from fast to dark.’
Parvathi began to watch Mrs Harrington covertly. She had a
different accent that favoured the longer ‘a’. She also chain-smoked
and drank like a fish, but with her glinting green eyes, scarlet lips
and a slinky, pantherine body she looked every inch the glamorous
film star. Her star was not even dimmed by an insipid querulous
daughter called Kakoo, whom Parvathi once overheard asking her
mother, ‘Is that his pet?’ of a fly buzzing around a waiter’s head.
At which point her mother, and not without irritation, said, ‘Must
you always be so silly?’
Anyway, it was soon apparent that it was not the women who
spurned her company but she who maintained the cool distance
while openly seeking the company of their husbands. But there was
neither ‘fast’ nor ‘dark’ behaviour present. True, she danced with
many men, but so did the others, and in exactly the same way as
she did. The men placed their hands on her back, but never raised
them beyond the point where cloth gave way to flesh. Sometimes
their fingers were almost flush with the material, but never, ever
over. Propriety was faultlessly observed. Parvathi concluded that
the women were just jealous.
Then one day she was standing at the French windows in
the music room for a moment on her own when she heard in
the corridor the voices of Mrs Harrington and Major Anthony
Fitzgerald. It was a split-second decision to sidle up behind the
curtain. They entered in a rush; he closed the door, locked it, and
turned towards her. And then it was as if they were dancing, he
leading, pulling, she running towards him and their mouths joining
breathlessly in snatched kisses. He pushed her into a corner. Her
scarlet nails curved around the back of his red neck, and in an
instant his grey trousers had pooled around his ankles.
Parvathi was as curious of their manoeuvrings as she was of
the dogs outside her father’s compound. She listened to the wet
slapping, panting and grunting, and watched Major Anthony
Fitzgerald’s lily-white buttocks shake and jiggle loosely as if made
of coconut milk jelly. There was no question of an intrusion of
privacy, for these were surely another species in the jungle. For
it was different, completely different between her and Kasu
Marimuthu. Not just the wilful prolonging of the act that could
be over so quickly, but the way both abandoned themselves to it,
and the audible enjoyment the female took from it.
Then India Jane Harrington did a surprising thing, she tensed
up, and with her face contorted, but not, Parvathi was startled to
discover, with pain but pleasure, screeched and suddenly went
quite limp. Pleasure! But her mother had always borne it in silence,
a duty.
After that India Jane turned her face away from him, and
drawled, ‘Hurry up, Anthony.’ And as if he had been waiting for
just such an order he looked to the side of her and quite comically
panted, ‘Yes, yes, quite so.’ Facing away from her, and as the
mating dogs outside her father’s compound often did, he gave a
last great juddering thrust and sagged into her. They remained
joined for a few seconds more, then the Major pulled out of her,
and turning slightly away, began to put order to his clothes.
From a pocket he produced a very large handkerchief with a
blue border. He pushed it into his crotch, and in the blink of an
eye, had pulled up his trousers, and stood ready to go. But instead
of going he dithered, pulling at the handkerchief, looking around
diffidently.
‘You can go now,’ India Jane said, still leaning against the wall,
her voice returned to its usual cool and superior tone. And he
did; scurrying away with a furtive backward glance, as if leaving a
crime scene. The dogs had been more dignified. Parvathi was left
alone with her quarry.
The woman moved her knees further apart, and in a fluid
movement swiped her bare palm between her legs from back
to front. Then she straightened and coolly walking over to the
expensive silk curtains, wiped her hand on them. There was a
mirror across the room and she went and looked dispassionately
at herself. She was beautiful and bored. Ten chicken-pie-eating
Majors would not have satisfied her. She should never have
married the Headmaster. She was obviously too good for him,
for the world in which she now found herself. She had imagined
different, more glamorous.
Wetting a finger on her tongue, she smoothed a sulky curl by her
cheek. Her evening bag yielded a cigarette which she lit. She took
a long slow drag. Then she walked over to the drinks cabinet and
poured herself a drink. Outside, the band had started playing the
most flirtatious music in the world, the rongeng. And on the lawn
white men were trying to dance but, without the innate rhythm or
instinctive style of the Malay professional dancers.
India Jane moved to the tall windows; standing hardly two
feet away from Parvathi, she watched the dancers. Her reflection
on the glass showed a scornful twist to her lips. Eventually, she
moved away, put out her cigarette and retrieved her underwear by
the desk. She did not wear it, but stuffed it into her handbag and
left the room.
Parvathi came out of her hiding-place and went to the curtains
where Mrs Harrington had smeared her juices. The smell of
their coupling hung close to it. The curtain had absorbed it. A
peelable layer, a thin memory of India Jane Harrington’s moment
of pleasure. Parvathi stood where she had stood and looked out
at what she had looked out on. What a shameful, disrespectful,
contemptuous woman. No wonder the other women did not like
her. And yet, how brave she was to take what she wanted without
caring for the consequences. The woman became more precious
and perfect in Parvathi’s eyes. Without touching anything or
leaving any sign of her presence, just as if she was in the jungle,
Parvathi left, side-stepping the ash Mrs India Harrington had left
on the expensive carpets.
On the lawn Father Marston approached her.
‘If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your religion?’
‘I’m a Hindu,’ Parvathi said, turning to look at his thin, tired
face. He had been fever-stricken too often, but he had a calling
and now his eyes burned with a bright light.
‘Ah, so you must have your favourite deity then. Let me guess
. . . it’s Ganesh, the Elephant God, isn’t it?’
‘Actually, I pray to the little silver cobra that serves him.’
The priest reared back as if a cobra had shot out of her mouth
and made directly for him. ‘Goodness!’ he cried, genuinely
horrified. ‘I’ve never heard of such a thing. How do you know he
is God? Who told you?’
Parvathi shrugged.
‘Mrs Marimuthu, do you know that it was because people were
praying to idols and worthless images that God sent His only son
down to earth to tell us all who He really is? His son was called
Jesus and He died on a cross for us. But there are still some of us
who insist on praying to snakes. In Christianity, the serpent is the
one who tempted Eve and first caused man to sin. How can you
pray to a symbol of evil?’
Parvathi had no answer.
‘I will come by tomorrow and drop off a Bible for you. Please
read it and tell me what you think. I would really be interested to
hear your opinion. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God
is definitely not a snake.’
That night, Parvathi sat on the veranda with Maya. ‘Maya, have
you read the Bible?’
‘I have. Why do you ask?’
‘Well, a Catholic priest asked me how I could pray to a symbol
of evil. He said God cannot be found in a lump of clay or a carved
stone, no matter how beautiful it is. And to carry on pretending to
do so after God sent His only son to earth to tell us so is simply
heathen.’
Maya sighed. ‘Could you say that the one slipper of your
mother’s that you keep with you is her?’
‘No.’
‘It is just one tiny aspect of her, and yet to you, it represents her
so completely that it is enough for you to look at it to bring the
whole of her back to you. You could just as easily have brought
an old blouse, a piece of jewellery, a comb with missing teeth, or
anything that reminded you of her.’
‘Yes.’
‘To encounter divinity in all His fullness would be impossible
for man, so he sees a light, a burning bush, an angel, an apparition
on a cross, and he calls it God. But with the usual arrogance of
man, he then starts believing that that small part he has taken
is the All. The carved stone is a symbol. Anything you worship
can become God because God exists in every living and dead
thing you see. He is everywhere and in everything. If one believed
enough in a piece of rock, that rock will one day open its eyes, and
show the God that lives in it. It doesn’t matter if one decided to
worship a stone, a man, a tree, or a snake. Believe and it will be.
‘God will manifest Himself to you in whatever form will fill
your eyes with tenderness. What difference to God if it is a dying
man on a cross or a serpent that is used to remind his devotee of
Him? It is important only to love Him with all your heart. True,
Parvathi stood at the top of the steps that led down to the party,
dressed in the most expensive sari in the world and high-heeled
slippers studded with yellow topaz and tiger’s eyes. Her beautifully
made-up eyes swept the lawn where waiters in starched uniforms
and white gloves served elegant guests. Gracefully, she began her
descent down the sloping lawn. Who could picture her origins
now, the one-room shack, the two-change wardrobe? There was
almost nothing left of the original her to betray this new self. Here,
all was bright and glittering: the past dared not come. It hung back
like a bewildered ghost. Why, there was not a woman present who
did not envy her wealth and position.
The band was playing something fast and catchy, and there
were couples dancing. On a long table with a white tablecloth
many crystal bowls and platters held nuts, dates, finger
sandwiches, curry puffs, slices of imported fruit cake, garishly
coloured local cakes, Chinese biscuits, imported chocolates, and
savoury titbits. The central flower arrangement was incredibly
exotic; the gardener had cut away the centres of certain flowers
and fitted them into the calyxes of others. The deception was so
skilfully executed it was impossible to tell. Not far off, a wild pig
was slowly revolving over a fire. The whiff of burning wood and
roasting flesh reached her, and she turned towards a sea breeze.
It made her sari billow and all the jewels on it glittered in the
dying sun’s rays.
She sipped at the pretty cocktail created specially for her: a
transparent green creation with rose petals and a salt rim. Being
non-alcoholic it had not become popular, but it didn’t dim the fact
that she was somebody special, she was Kasu Marimuthu’s wife.
People wanted to talk to her. Even the waiters had been taught to
address her as ‘madam’.
A lady came up to speak to her. She had eyes like the dolls in the
first wife’s room. Green with a starburst inside. But unlike the dolls
she had webs of lines around her eyes. When Kasu Marimuthu
caught Parvathi’s eye and waved her over, she excused herself
politely and moved on.
He introduced her to a business acquaintance. She nodded
graciously, never forgetting that time she had answered a question
with the words, ‘Exactly that have I,’ and the displeased glance he
had flicked in her direction. After the guests had gone, he said,
‘Brevity is your ally. You are a genius until you open your mouth.’
Parvathi bent her head and daintily licked the salt off the rim
of her glass, and looked up directly into a pair of intensely blue
watching eyes. For a while she was caught, claimed by the boldness
of the man’s stare, and then she remembered herself, and her eyes
slid away. She kept her distress from showing. But she had done
a wrong thing. She tried to think of who she had seen do that
first. Ah, India Jane Harrington. She should have waited for one
of the others to do it before copying the gesture, for she realised
now that it was an excessively voluptuous one. She would not do
it again.
When next she saw him he was in conversation with someone,
and stood with his head slightly inclined, listening attentively. He
was different from Kasu Marimuthu’s usual guest, definitely not
English, anyway. More than the deep tan or square jaw, there was
a tense impatient quality to him.
A gong sounded; it was time for the lion dance to start. As people
began to gather around the stage, Parvathi took the opposite
direction towards the edge of the lawn. She stood for a moment
where the higher beach started and wished the monsoon would
come. Then it would be clothes snapping wildly on the washing
lines, coconut trees bending in the strong gales, and between
the wind and the lashing rain every last speck of dust would be
washed out of the air, so that it became so clean it was possible to
see everything in its brightest, most pristine state. Possible to see
even the spiders’ nests that sparkled between the coconut trees’
leaves and the grains of sand on the beach. And where she stood
would be filled with fallen coconuts and green grasses.
The sun had already set behind the house casting its violet
shadow on the sand and that last eerie orange light that the villagers
called mambang, hovering spirit, floated over the darkening water.
On the verandahs, the servants had begun the twice-daily ritual of
watering the hanging ferns and lighting the lantern lamps in the
balconies. This was her favourite time of the evening.
Walking to where the soft sand began, she slipped out of her
high heels and, going past the tiny holes that hermit crabs had
made, stood for a moment at the water’s edge.
Then, lifting her sari almost to her knees, she stepped into the sea.
The water was warm and she wriggled her toes in the sand. A seagull
flew above. Mesmerised by the way the sun turned the ends of its
wings translucent red, she was startled by the sound of someone
joining her in the water. She turned around. It was the stranger. He
had rolled his white linen trousers up to his calves. They were golden.
He came and stood beside her. Without her high heels she barely
reached his chest. Her eyes swung up to his face. He had ocean eyes.
‘You’re very unhappy, aren’t you?’
She opened her mouth to deny the ridiculous observation,
but the breath was pulled out of her in a rush. Her mind went
blank and she couldn’t utter a sound. They stared at each other.
This ocean wanted her. Involuntarily, her hands opened, and the
most expensive sari in the world fell into saltwater. At the base
of her belly a wave of the bluest white broke and her entire body
became as intensely alive as the deer that scents a predator in the
wind. Suddenly, she was aware of everything; the deeply pink sky
behind his head, the wind revealing his body through his shirt,
the hundreds of gold hairs that dusted his skin, the smell of his
cologne, the taste of the salt in the air, the waves sucking at her
feet, the cry of the bird above, and that fantastically tiny fraction
of a movement both their bodies made towards each other.
Oh! How she wanted him. She wanted to press her entire
length against his tall body and beg him to do, in the orange
light, the things that her husband did to her in the dark. For some
inexplicable reason, the memory of the time she had sat at one of
the holes in her father’s wall and spied on two dogs came back. The
bitch crouched down, her tail waving, calling. Then, as if they had
known all along they both ran towards each other, bumping and
circling one another, shivering, panting, emitting guttural sounds.
They even rose on their hind legs and licked each other’s muzzles.
Then the dog mounted the female. At first she whined and moved
under his weight, but then both became so still Parvathi wondered
if they had fallen asleep. But a quarter of an hour later they moved
apart and stood for a moment side by side, then first the dog and
then the bitch moved away.
In an effortless, dreamlike movement of great sensuousness
her hand came up towards his face, as if to caress the lean cheek
where a muscle throbbed. Her bangles brushed against each other
and made their sweet sounds.
Sita.
Her hand halted. Someone had called her name. She turned her
head towards the sound, used that stilled hand to wave, and then
abruptly stepped away from the man and walked back to dry land.
An instinct deep inside her wanted, pleaded to be allowed to go
back into the water, but the façade of her life reasserted itself and
now her mind stepped in, furious and unforgiving. She was Kasu
Marimuthu’s wife, impeccably turned out, deeply mysterious, and
unquestionable. What was this comparison to dogs? They were
not dogs. Certainly, she was not.
Was it possible that he had thought her hand had gone up to
ward him off?Yes, yes, that was what she had been about to do. Her
guilt turned into a cold rage, and no longer directed at herself. She
was blameless. She had tried to ward him off but he was practised
at that sort of thing. That man was mistaken: she was neither Kasu
Marimuthu’s first wife nor was she the Headmaster’s wife. Rude
fellow. Did he think that Kasu Marimuthu’s wife was that cheap?
She was decent, a good woman. She did not have affairs. How
dare he? She retrieved her slippers and holding them in one hand,
began to run towards the house. Does not the loser always run off
with his tail between his legs? The wet sari stuck to her legs. Dear
God, the sari! She had ruined the thing that Kamala said a little
boy in Jaipur had probably gone blind to make. He had sacrificed
his sight for nothing.
What should she do now? She rushed around the side of the
house. Maya would know how to save the sari.
As she reached the back door she began calling out, ‘Maya,
Maya, look what I have done.’
At the doorway Maya glanced down at the sari edge and then
back to Parvathi’s flustered, breathless face. Tendrils of hair had
escaped from her chignon and they lay helplessly this way and
that around her long neck. She wondered what had happened to
make the child suddenly have to struggle with women’s emotions,
but there was no expression on her face as she said calmly, ‘It’s six
yards of cloth, Da.’
Parvathi took a deep breath. ‘Please, Maya, help me to save it.’
‘Of course. Take it off and give it to me.’
Maya dipped a bucket of water into the clay jar beside the back
door and poured it on Parvathi’s feet, and Parvathi stepped into
the kitchen. She stripped off quickly, and ran upstairs under the
cover of an old blanket. In her room she headed for the mirror.
What she saw there shocked her. Her hand came up and touched
her trembling lips. ‘I’m not unhappy. I’m very happy,’ she told her
reflection, but at the final moment her eyes, so strangely glittering,
slid away.
Turning, she walked out to the balcony. The man was still in
the water, his hands pushed deep into his pockets, staring at the
horizon. And, the Headmaster’s wife, drink in hand, was picking
her way towards him. An unbidden image of the woman’s legs
entwined around him flashed into her thoughts. What did she
care? ‘Let her have him,’ she said aloud, but her voice sounded
unfamiliar and angry.Who would have thought it? She was jealous.
She went in and began to dress. ‘Actually it’s good that I saw
them together. They deserve each other. Both are alike,’ she told
herself, and this time she was relieved to note that she sounded
like herself once more. Expertly she retouched her make-up and
That night she dreamed that he came to her, and she told him, ‘Don’t
touch what you have not paid for yet.’ But he only laughed and said,
‘Don’t you know, to be stylish you have to break a few rules.’
‘I won’t run away with you,’ she warned.
‘But I don’t want you to run away with me. I just want what
you promised on the beach,’ he said, and reached for her sari.
But Maya, smiling ghoulishly, appeared suddenly. ‘Let’s see what
you can do to God’s child,’ she crowed. And what happened to
Draupadi when the evil King tried to strip and ravish her in the
story of the Pandavas happened to Parvathi. The more the blue-
eyed man pulled at her sari, the more cloth unravelled until a whole
mountain of sari rose beside him, but Parvathi remained totally
clothed and chaste. ‘I told you I was not like the Headmaster’s
wife,’ she said.
But suddenly she was in a courtroom and Kasu Marimuthu
in a judge’s robes and wig and holding a cucumber sandwich
said, ‘I can’t accept this as evidence. What I want to know is what
happened to the first sari?’
When she came downstairs the next morning the sari was hanging
in the shade of the big tree in the courtyard looking no worse for
its time in the sea. But when she went closer, she saw that a faint
wavy watermark remained – the most expensive sari in the world
was ruined. She stepped away from it. Let it be a lesson to her.
Never again would she allow herself to be alone with him. On
that she was resolute. The man seduced with his eyes. It was the
existence of men like him that made men like her father imprison
their daughters.
Anyway, those strong wayward feelings of yesterday had faded
down. Now she knew that it had been a kind of madness, but
fleeting, unimportant, and unlikely to be repeated, if she kept
away from him.
She had realised something else that morning too. The man was
not a dog, but a civet cat, killing for the sake of it, the urge to
kill triggered by movement or sound. Her loneliness must have
triggered that instinct in him, and he had moved in for the kill
even though he was not hungry and did not particularly want to
eat.
She was walking in the rain along the water’s edge lost in
thought when a man suddenly fell into step beside her. She
whirled around, her hand flying to her heart. ‘Oh! Mr West,’ she
gasped. ‘You scared me.’
He grinned, an attractive tactic. ‘I like the way you get it wrong
all the time. It’s Samuel.’
She stared at him. He was soaking wet. As she was. There was
no wind and the rain fell straight like needles. A drop of rain must
have fallen into his eyes because he blinked suddenly, unbearably
beautiful. And there it was again that mad urge to touch him. And
not in any kind or gentle way, but to tear uncontrollably at him.
It was dangerous here. There was no one about to stop her. She
moved a step back.
‘I’ve got to go,’ she said, and turned away.
‘Wait, Sita.’
She turned back slowly. ‘My name is not Sita, Mr West. It’s
Parvathi.’
He looked at her quizzically. ‘Parvathi.’ He said it beautifully.
She wished he would say it again.
She nodded. Why had she told him?
‘It’s a good name. I like it.’
‘So do I,’ she said, and smiled.
Tall, proud, unaware and almost certainly uncaring that ‘dark’
behaviour such as his was causing the likes of Mrs Adams to be
ashamed of her white skin, he smiled back. And it came again as
soon as she relaxed, that desire to wrestle him to the ground. To
bite his mouth. To lick his face. To rut with him right there on the
sand, the water lapping at their crazed bodies. No pleasantries, no
apologies, no pretending. Raw. Primitive. To screech with pleasure
like India Jane Harrington. But had not India Jane shown her that
that was a momentary thing, of little worth? She could not give up
what she had breathlessly dreamed of all her life, the path with a
heart. What would he know about a path with a heart?
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked coldly.
‘I came to teach you to swim.’
How unimaginative, Mr West.
‘I’ve really got to go now,’ she said, and took a step back
determinedly, but he grabbed her hand. And because it so closely
resembled the kind of violence in her thoughts, a charge of
electricity shot up her arm. But when she looked between the wet
eyelashes she could tell instantly that he had not felt it. It was not
like that for him. Just underneath his skin, he was not screaming.
In her mind’s eye she saw herself tearing at the buttons of his shirt
with her teeth and his astonished face saying, ‘Why do you have
to tear, when you can take it off in a civilised way?’
Yet their minds were in parallel worlds. Now that she had stopped
walking she felt cold. A shiver passed through her.
‘You’re cold,’ he said, but he did nothing. There was nothing
he could do. They stood facing each other helplessly. He was one
step away, but that was one step too far. Their bodies hungered
and circled each other, but their spirits already knew there was no
happy ending to this.
Parvathi hugged herself and looked down at the sand, thinking
of Kasu Marimuthu, the world’s greatest pretender. There he
was, pretending to be white, pretending to be sophisticated. But
underneath all the trappings of good china, silver cutlery and
Venetian crystal, the man liked nothing better than mixing together
rice, curries, a mashed banana and yoghurt on his plate and
making it into soft balls before putting them into his mouth, and
all this with a hand unadorned by cutlery. And while he chewed
these food balls he was not above making small humming noises
of pure pleasure. She thought of his proud face. What would he
do if he found out? Pretend to all that like his first wife, she too
was dead of tropical fever? And ho! What a juicy piece of gossip
for the community.
She looked up at Samuel West, desire in her belly, a dark chasm
at her feet. Yes, he was extraordinarily handsome, but she was
not going with him. Not even because of Kasu Marimuthu or
the gossiping community. But because he brought awake some
violent impulse that ordinarily lay peacefully asleep inside her.
Something she didn’t want to look at. Something that could only
bring shame and disgrace. She wanted to be pure and demure.
She wished to be what everyone else wanted her to be. She wanted
to be like the other members of the Black Umbrella Club. Safe.
‘I’m sorry but I can’t,’ she said, and walked away quickly. He
called to her. She did not turn around, but broke into a run.
He did not come after her.
She looked and found inside her no regret for what she had
done. She had closed that door. He would find another or go back
to his pale wife. And she must get dressed and attend a meeting of
the Black Umbrella Club. In fact, she was quite looking forward
to seeing the doll that Negeri Sembilan Mami was making out of
straws. And so she would smile and compliment their efforts and
the other Mamis would do the same with her blanket. And no one
would ever know that that morning on the beach, she had turned
down the most beautiful man on earth.
It was her birthday, she was eighteen years old. Maya had begun
a week-long fast in honour of it; Kamala and the other girls had
brought in flowers; Kupu gave her a beautiful pure white coral;
Kasu Marimuthu bought jewellery, and Samuel West sent his gift
through her husband.
‘Sam said this puppy needs a home. Do you want it?’ Kasu
Marimuthu asked.
She scooped it up in her arms and with foolish trusting eyes it
reached up and licked her face. ‘Do I want it? I most definitely do.’
‘He’s quite unusual for a Dalmatian, liver spots instead of black,
but he’s deaf in one ear so he is unacceptable for the show ring or
breeding.’
‘Why does he shiver so much?’ she asked.
‘Mixture of excitement and fright, I should have thought. It’s
his first time away from his mother and siblings. Put him in a box
in your bedroom tonight.’
She looked up at her husband. ‘Will you thank Mr West for me?’
‘Thank him yourself. I’ve invited him to the barbecue tomorrow.’
He came dressed in a white shirt, his throat a strong, brown
column, but she did not stare. ‘Hello,’ she greeted cordially.
‘Hello, Sita,’ he said, to let her know that Parvathi was their
secret. She smiled and thought it was good that he was a foreigner.
They could always be depended on to be discreet. He had brought
rubber grooming gloves, jumbo-size guillotine nail cutters, metal
nail files, smoker’s tooth powder, Epsom salts, Germolene, gripe
water, a bottle of kaolin, and an anal thermometer.
‘Goodness,’ she said, opening the bag. ‘Well, thank you for the
dog and now this. How did you know I wanted one?’
‘I didn’t. He needed a good home and I couldn’t think of any
place more suitable,’ he said pleasantly.
‘I’ll have him brought down,’ she said, and rang the bell.
‘Have you named him yet?’
‘I’m calling him Kalichan.’
‘A good name,’ he approved, and she was suddenly pleased.
He paused a moment. ‘It is fall in the States now and I must leave
next week.’ He stared at her with the same barely leashed longing
of that time in the water. ‘But I’ll be back.’
‘Have a pleasant trip,’ she said lightly and smiled, but sadly. Mr
Samuel West was a kind man, after all.
And then Kasu Marimuthu was slapping him on the back and
asking, ‘What will you have, old chap?’
The years came and went but Parvathi remained childless, and
Kalichan, who had become ridiculously attached to her, behaved
as if he was her child. But sometimes she lay on the beach with the
dog, watching the daredevil boys cleaning the stained glass while
hanging onto the high ledges by their fingertips, and realised that
the house was like a beautifully maintained mausoleum. It wept
for the voices of children.
‘Maya,’ Parvathi asked bitterly, ‘am I to be not only displeasing
to my husband but also barren? Is this all my life is to be, to
endlessly entertain people I don’t care for?’
Maya had a surprising suggestion. ‘Adopt a child,’ she said.
‘The same way that a common stone may be turned into a
priceless ruby by a change in its environment, a small change to
the household could make your husband’s seed take.’
Parvathi didn’t find the idea displeasing. So when the Pulliar
temple priest brought the tragic news that the gypsy dancer had
died suddenly, and asked if they would be amenable to adopting
her three-year-old orphan, Parvathi did not hesitate.
‘It would be an honour to raise her child,’ she said, the image of
the beautiful dancer running in distressed circles, wondering why
her lover did not come, still fresh after all these years.
Her husband was much slower to react, and when he did, it was
only to nod, the sadness of a childless man hiding in his eyes. The two
men left to fetch the girl. Parvathi shut Kalichan in her bedroom, since
he had become large and boisterous and could overwhelm the child.
Then she went to stand at the top of the veranda steps, and wait.
Kasu Marimuthu opened the car door, and out climbed the
most enchanting creature in the world – above a round red
‘No,’ Parvathi said gently, withdrawing her hand. ‘Let her call
me Mami.’
‘Come, come, my little Queen,’ her husband coaxed the child.
‘Papa,’ sobbed the adorable child, apparently inconsolable. He
knelt beside her and gently massaged her fat little fingers one by
one. The sobbing stopped. ‘Again,’ she sniffed, and suddenly,
irrepressibly, grinned. Oh, cheeky little thing. Who could refuse
her anything?
‘Aha,’ said he, and began all over again. An old game then.
When he turned his face to speak to Parvathi, the child put two
hands on either side of his face and possessively turned it back
towards her. Her father was hers, and hers only. She had lost one
parent, and she had no intention of relinquishing the other. Kasu
Marimuthu laughed easily, wholeheartedly. Upon which the child
turned to Parvathi, her eyebrows brought so low they were almost
a straight line above her round eyes, and straightening her mouth
into another stern line, slowly, deliberately raised the forefinger of
her right hand in a warning gesture. Parvathi’s hand fluttered to
the middle of her chest. There was no mistaking it. The dancer’s
child disliked her intensely.
Even so, the child blew through the house like a morning
breeze, fresh and unsullied. The patter of her innocent feet was a
wonderful thing. It lifted the heart. And just like that, all became
well at Adari. The disused ballroom was opened and her tricycle
put inside. Kasu Marimuthu brought gardenias for her hair. She
made him pin them in.
‘Pitty or not?’ she asked coquettishly, tilting her adorable
little body to one side for she was vain about her looks. Kasu
Marimuthu’s shout of laughter echoed for a long time in the vast,
hollow space. No matter how many times he heard it, he never
ceased to be as enchanted by her inability to pronounce her ‘r’s as
when he first heard it.
‘Yes, very,’ he said adoringly, when he could bring himself to
stop laughing.
And it was the same with everyone in the household. No one
could resist her, and she in turn seemed to be genuinely fond of
face and her eyes were closed, but she appeared to be in great
distress – tossing and turning, her arms and legs flailing. Gently,
Parvathi shook her awake. She opened her eyes and for a second
looked at her stepmother fearfully without recognition, and then
seemed to come to her senses and appeared briefly relieved, but
as she came awake properly, she pushed Parvathi’s hand away
and twisting out of her hold, scrambled to the far end of the
cot, where she curled against the wooden bars and regarded her
suspiciously.
‘You’re missing your mother, aren’t you?’
She nodded, her eyes large with confusion and pain.
‘I can’t bring her back for you, but I promise to take care of you
just like she would have,’ Parvathi whispered, and using her index
finger, gently stroked the child’s thumb, until a shadow fell upon
them, and with a new sob the child raised both her arms and sat
up. With infinite care Kasu Marimuthu took her dear little body
in his arms and tenderly rubbed eau de cologne on her wrists to
calm her down. As she drifted off to sleep he kissed her face and
hands, and whispered again and again, ‘You can trust me. I won’t
abandon you.’
The moon had begun to wane and Maya set about filling the
house with dark green objects. She took pieces of green fabric
and some green seeds outside and cast them into what she called
the Tibetan autumnal winds so that they were scattered far and
wide. In this way she spread the power and blessing of the season.
It must have been in her blood, like the instinct to eat and procreate,
this tremendous desire to perform. It began one night after dinner
when Kasu Marimuthu told the story of the unicorn that saved
India from being invaded and razed to the ground by Genghis
Khan.
When he finished, the girl slid off her father’s lap, tied peacock
feathers to her ankles, and announced that she would dance the
story back to her father. Parvathi stared at the eyes in the peacock’s
tail and held her breath. The girl began by putting her forefinger
to her forehead, and though she took it off almost immediately, a
long horn had grown so that all who watched her that night saw
it. With that small, almost insignificant act she was transformed,
no longer a child, but a unicorn living deep in the middle of an
enchanted forest where neither flowers nor leaves ever died. Where
it was always spring. Rubini cupped her hands and smelled them –
the fresh cool smell of spring. She pulled her forefinger down her
cheek and let it rest on her chin – the unicorn was thousands of
years old and yet she was beautiful. Rubini covered her eyes – but
no human could see her unless she deemed it.
Rubini turned her face attentively to one side – the unicorn was
standing in the bushes listening to the conversation of woodcutters.
Squaring her shoulders she played their parts as they spoke about
the coming of the great conqueror, Genghis Khan, and shook their
heads in despair and fear. Then pulling her shoulders towards her
chin, she became the unicorn again. Her tail switched, her long
mane tossed – India laid to waste! Her temples burned down! Her
gods and goddesses smashed! Leaving the cool shade where she
had lived all her life, she ran for days until she came upon the
She was not like her mother, tragic and full of longing. No,
no, she was a tiny, fiery figure in bright purple, her little legs in
dark slacks leaping energetically in the air, twirling incessantly,
her skirts rising up to slap her waist. Her body dipping, hands
flying, heels meeting, feet stamping, and the peacock feathers at
her ankles shimmering, shimmering, shimmering.
The sky turned red as the setting sun’s light fell on the water,
and she became only a silhouette, restless all the same. Kasu
Marimuthu watched with growing pride and love. What a joy she
was to him. Oh, how he loved her! The man with the long flute
stopped his music and she took a bow. Everyone clapped and
commented on how well she danced. A victorious result.
‘Her mother was a famous dancer from India,’ Kasu Marimuthu
said proudly, garlanding her with white flowers. And somewhere
in an unseen place the dancer smiled. Keep this after I am gone.
One day upon a whim the girl decided to do a rendition of
Artenadiswaran, the dance of the half-man, half-woman God.
Difficult to do, and done well by so few.The control that was needed
for the dance made it an extraordinary choice for someone of her
age to attempt, but she did it. For the entire duration of the dance
one side of her strutted and swaggered, and the other strolled with
grace and softness. The applause was thunderous. She became
famous for it. Watching her, even the servants forgot that this was
the same demanding little madam who flew into uncontrollable
tantrums for the slightest reason. Her faults became necessary
complements to her prodigious talent.
And so it came about that everyone was united in the care
of this prodigy. Her every wish became a command. If she lost
something, the entire household came to a standstill until it was
found or replaced. The only person the child did not dare bully
was Maya. Maya alone was able to make her eat, clean up a mess
she had made, or apologise for unruly behaviour.
An artist from England was commissioned to immortalise
the child wonder. He lived in the house for two months. The
completed portrait was unveiled in the library, a polished, dashing
composition against a purple backdrop. In all her finery she stood
They put the infant into her husband’s arms. He was dark, but
what had displeased Kasu Marimuthu in his wife, now brought
an outpouring of love. Gently, he caressed the boy’s skin, and
scooping him to his face, breathed in the sweet, sweet fragrance of
a son. Let him be called Kuberan.
Astrologers were sent for. They spoke as one – the boy’s star did
not agree with his father’s. Either his ears must be pierced as if he was
a girl and would therefore be no longer malefic towards his father,
or symbolically sold to a temple for a bit of sweet rice, as if he was
no longer a son of his father’s. They did both, but it did not help.
Kasu Marimuthu’s ox-like constitution and frame, that had seemed
unshakeable until then, suddenly showed the first signs of damage.
‘Why do you have to drink so much?’ Parvathi asked.
‘Ah you,’ he mocked cheerfully. ‘Always in the tavern. Come
once to find me in my temple.’
She looked at him, reduced, vulnerable, and inconceivably
distant. ‘How do I find your temple?’
‘First look at me without reproach. Because I’ve crossed over.
I’ve crossed over, and now I exist only in an old song no one
remembers any more. The only way to join me is in a glass.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t. I have to pray in the morning.’
He laughed. ‘Don’t you know, you should offer everything at
the altar. God accepts all, especially the morning fumes of the
alcoholic’s obedient, pure-hearted wife.’
She held out her hand for the drink and sat on the floor beside
him. He laid his head in her lap tiredly and was soon asleep. Gently,
she pushed a lock of hair away from his forehead. Then she bent
down and kissed the tired, lined skin she found underneath. The
truth was he drank because even with all the money in the world,
he was just not happy. She looked up and saw Rubini framed in
the doorway.
‘Is he sick?’ the child asked in a frightened whisper.
‘No, he’s just tired. He’ll be fine in the morning. Go to sleep
now.’
The girl turned around unquestioningly and went back to
bed. Parvathi watched her small figure go up the stairs. She had
thought Rubini would be jealous of her brother, but from the first
moment she had walked in with her father, she had gently touched
her brother’s cheek, and with pride and love called him, ‘My baby.’
As it turned out, it was Kalichan who was insanely jealous of the
new arrival. He growled menacingly whenever Parvathi picked
up or kissed the baby. If Kasu Marimuthu shouted him down, he
would stop growling, lie back down with his chin on his front legs,
but unhappily.
Kasu Marimuthu warned Parvathi never to leave the child
and the animal alone, but Parvathi refused to take his warning
seriously. Instead she told him a story she had heard on her
mother’s lap about a man who left his pet, a mongoose, to guard
his firstborn. He came home one day and found the mongoose,
its mouth dripping blood, standing over the crib. With a horrific
cry of rage, he cut the mongoose in half, but in the crib, he found
his son gurgling beside a dead cobra. ‘See, even a mongoose can
be trusted . . .’
But Kasu Marimuthu frowned impatiently. He had no time for
folk tales.
‘Look,’ she appealed, ‘Kalichan’s always been a bit slow on the
uptake, but it’s only a matter of time before he gets used to the
baby and accepts him as part of the family. Look at him now. See
how he is smiling.’ For Kalichan had a way of pulling back his lips
when he was happy. It looked like a snarl but it was not.
‘God! Not more nonsense,’ Kasu Marimuthu muttered, and
strode away. He did not believe dogs could smile.
Afterwards, she watched Kamala sit on a wooden stool and lay
the baby on her thin legs. And while Kuberan screamed without
respite, she oiled and bathed him so vigorously that Parvathi
sometimes feared her son would slip right out of her grip.
Afterwards she stuck her thumb in his mouth and pressed it into
the roof of his mouth and with the other hand yanked at his nose.
‘What are you doing?’
‘This will make his nose nice and sharp like a Bengali’s.’
Maya shook her head, but Kamala swore by it. She had done
the same to all her children and they all had high noses.
One Sunday after his bath Parvathi came into the room and felt
her knees give way. Kalichan had her baby by the shoulder, close
to the neck. Though his teeth were bared, they had not yet broken
the skin. She dropped to the ground and spoke gently to him. She
explained that the baby was only little. She told him he was her
first love and that the baby was only a little thing. She asked him
not to hurt it. She promised to love him until the day she died, and
Kalichan let go the crying baby and stepped back. The baby was
squalling with terror, but she did not move to pick it up. Instead
she held out her arms to the dog. ‘Come here, you silly thing,’ she
said, and he trotted up to her and stood shamefaced inside the
circle of her arms.
‘Don’t do that again,’ she said, and he looked so sheepish for
what he had done that it made her want to cry. He began to shiver
and whimper with fear and remorse, and Kasu Marimuthu who
had been waiting at the doorway, ran in to snatch up the baby and
rock him gently in his arms until his cries ceased.
‘He isn’t hurt,’ Parvathi pleaded, but Kasu Marimuthu, his face
a thundercloud, would not even look at her. Wordlessly, he gave
the baby to her and called to the dog. With a dejected glance at
her, Kalichan followed him. She held the baby in her arms and
stared out of the window. He was going to punish the dog. Poor
Kalichan, he hated being locked up. She must be very careful
from now on. She’d not leave them alone until the boy was a bit
older. She nuzzled her baby. ‘Don’t be frightened,’ she said, ‘The
two of you’ll be the best of friends one day. He didn’t really mean
it, otherwise he’d have drawn blood; easily. He won’t be able to
help loving you, you’ll see.’ She buried her face in the baby’s neck
and breathed in the scent of the boy and dog, and thanked God
she had walked in when she had.
The sound of the shot went right through her unprepared being.
She went rigid with shock, and must have squeezed the baby,
for he began crying again. She held the blaring bundle in her arms
dumbly, not rocking it, or in any way attempting to comfort it,
until Maya appeared before her, and she held her son out to her.
The baby transferred, Parvathi turned and ran down the glass
corridor, down the white stone steps, out of the house, and halfway
across the lawn before coming to a sudden halt.
Kasu Marimuthu was walking back towards the house, holding
the gun loosely in his hand, his shoulders slumped forward and
his face grey with the terrible thing he had done. When he saw her,
he stopped and waited. Behind him, Kupu and the gardener were
moving towards a flash of white on the ground. She had polished
Kalichan’s fur with the palm of her hand only that morning, using
dew she found on the grass. She raised that hand – it was trembling
uncontrollably – towards her eyes. There were no tears, just this
searing fury. The fury was indescribable. It focused on the metal
in his hand. Her hand itched for that cold grey invention.
‘That dog was not yours to shoot,’ she would say calmly as he
fell clutching his miserable chest, his face incredulous. It would
be sudden, and that suited her just fine. She dragged her hand
down her face, and her foot took a step towards him. Her face was
strangely mask-like, only her eyes were pools of black hate.
He had killed the dog because he was a big man. And it was
imperative that a big man always undertake the big gesture. He
could not have segregated the dog and the child, or waited, or
even given the dog away. No, he was a big man. But she? What
was she? What was this cold thirst to see his blood spilled? At heart
revenge was so meaningless. The wrong cannot be undone. No
matter what. No, she shouldn’t get any nearer. She knew that. She
took a step backwards. Her husband, impetuous fool, stretched a
shaking hand out and took a step forward. Turning away, she ran
back around the side of the house towards the gate, and into the
jungle.
In the temple, she sat, her hand covering her mouth,
remembering what Maya had told her when she first arrived. ‘Sit
very still and you will pull everything you want towards you.’ So
she did, her eyes closed, not thinking, not moving a muscle. How
long she stayed like that she could not have said, but eventually
she heard a shambling sound, dull thuds on the stone floor. She
felt neither fear nor worry. The sound came closer, but still she
did not react. But when it came to a stop right in front of her
she opened her eyes; and blinked. Why, it was the old female,
Mary! She was so old. There was grey in her coat. Parvathi had
not seen her for three years now and thought she had died, shot
by poachers trying to capture her baby. Oh, what great joy it was
to see her again! Shame there was no strawberry jam sandwich
for her. And with that thought she began to cry helplessly, tears
pouring down her face.
Mary put one hand on Parvathi’s lap and raised a leathery index
finger to touch the tears on her cheek. And then the ape did the
strangest thing. She moved her face closer and simply looked into
Parvathi’s eyes. Parvathi stared into her small amber eyes. Unlike
human eyes they had no discernible thought behind them, and
that made them seem timeless and depthless, without beginning
or end.
All of a sudden it happened: Parvathi felt her reality – and she
would use this very word later to describe the feeling to Maya –
‘wobble’, as if the air had turned to water. Then her mind was
taken over by a swirling vortex of black wind. She experienced
this as a total loss of solidity, a quality of weightlessness, of moving
in an arc, but strangely not upwards, but downwards, being pulled
through a narrow gap that led into the depths of earth. She was
not frightened until somewhere inside her she suddenly registered
emptiness, loss, and terrible regret.
A man’s voice shouted, ‘No!’ in her ear and she jerked her head
back, and the sudden movement caused the ape to leap away.
For a long moment both ape and woman looked at each other in
astonishment, and then Mary backed off, slowly and without a
sound, passed out of sight.
When Parvathi told Maya what Mary had caused to happen,
Maya said, ‘It’s not the ape. It is the ground that allows energy
vortices that cannot normally be seen, heard or felt, to be
discerned as a feeling. I told you before that this ground is very
powerful. Because in your moment of sadness you forgot your
petty little worries, hopes and wants, and connected on a deep
and meaningful level with another creature of nature, an energy
vortex allowed you to feel its presence, and let you into a secret. It
told you that not only your past, but also your future is gathered
around you, waiting to manifest. That time is not linear but
spherical, and because it is so it can be changed today, now. In that
moment of connection it let you see what was standing around
you, what your present is calling towards you.’
‘But it was a sensation of unspeakable regret.’
Maya remained expressionless.
‘You must tell me, please. How I can change the future if I don’t
know what to change?’ Parvathi urged.
‘You are here because you wanted to experience love in all its
many manifestations. Your son volunteered to test your idea of
love.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Because you held him in your belly you will never be indifferent
to even the smallest indignity towards him, but he will bring pain
to you.’
‘Why? What can you see in the future?’
‘I can’t see into the future. Nobody can for certain. Nothing is
set. No one can say for sure. We Asians are too fatalistic with our
fortune-tellers and sighs of “But it’s all fated”. The future is a set
of probabilities. Every moment we are changing the future with
our thoughts, choices and deeds. In fact, there are ways even to
change the past if one knows how to. Even the smallest change
in a person can have big ripples in his future, and sometimes the
entire future of mankind can be changed by one small decision by
a single person in one tiny part of the world.’
Parvathi felt a flash of resentment sweep through her. ‘If that’s
the case, how can you sit here and so calmly claim that a sweet
newborn who has done nothing wrong yet, will cause me grief
some day?’
‘His stars indicate it, but the concept that you or anyone is a
victim is an illusion. Nothing that happens to you is bad, ever.
Everything has been carefully chosen to test you, to see if you are
ready for the next level. People do not realise this, but to go up we
only have to respond to all our challenges from the heart. Since
unconditional love is not an emotion, it doesn’t pass through the
That night, Kasu Marimuthu did not come home for dinner and
Parvathi lay in bed tormented by the sight of the scratches the dog
had made on the door during the times she had locked him in her
room. It was the early hours of the morning when her husband
returned. His footsteps stopped for a moment outside her door
before he turned the knob and came in, but when he saw that she
refused to open her eyes even though he stood for a long time over
her, he put something on the bedside table and went out.
It was a shell full of touch-me-nots. She touched the soft
flowers. Kasu Marimuthu was sorry. There was a clumsily folded
paper amongst them. She opened it and saw diagonally, across the
paper, his untidy scrawl. He did not struggle. He gave himself up to
his fate with a smile. It was almost sweet. She shivered.
When she saw her husband at breakfast the next morning, he
had already finished and was getting up to leave. He pushed back
his chair and dismissed himself by saying briefly to that space six
inches away from her face, ‘Good morning.’
The February rains that were necessary for a good mango harvest
had arrived and she turned her head to look at the deluge outside.
he saw his son peering into the flower bushes at the far edge of
the house. The boy had found a bird’s nest. Kasu Marimuthu
was about to call out, to tell him not to touch the chicks or the
mother would abandon them, when something silenced him and
he watched his son with growing horror. He saw the boy take
a chick from its home and hold it in his cupped palm. Then he
straightened out his palm exposing the shivering, loudly chirping
creature. It tried to stand, and tottered unsteadily. He brought it
up to eye level. Then he caught its tiny head between his thumb
and index finger and deliberately twisted its neck until it chirped
no more.
As Kasu Marimuthu’s eyes bulged at the careless cruelty he
had witnessed, Maya came into his vision. As if in a dream the
boy raised his head and looked up to her. She carried a heavy
hand up to his face and lovingly stroked it until he fell into a
kind of trance. Gently she touched his Adam’s apple and Kasu
Marimuthu’s hand went instinctively to cover his own. He had the
uneasy feeling of having had a similar experience.
She gazed into the boy’s blank face and said, ‘You can be better
than this. I know you can. Don’t make your mother’s heart bitter. I
have seen the future and it is not pleasant, but it is not set in stone
either. Nothing is. You can change it. You can be different. You
only have to decide to change. You came here to master yourself,
remember?’ And then she took the carcass from the boy’s frozen
hand and moved away. The boy stood alone, and it was very
slowly that he came out of his trance-like state. For a moment he
looked about him in confusion, but then he shrugged, picked up a
stick by his feet and threw it at nothing before running off in the
direction of the beach.
Kasu Marimuthu stared thoughtfully into the distance, and
remembered Parvathi saying, ‘Maya is in this world but she is not
of it. She is special.’
That evening, when Maya came to give him his massage, he
said, ‘Is it true that you can look into a person’s left eye and see
the animal that they most closely resemble?’
Maya spared Kasu Marimuthu a brief glance. ‘Yes,’ she
Kasu Marimuthu closed his eyes to hide his pain, but it seeped
into his mouth. ‘I still love her,’ he whispered brokenly.
‘I know,’ Maya said, and he had never heard her gentler or
kinder.
Maya dipped her fingers into thin rice-flour paste and drew
patterns on the floor just inside Kasu Marimuthu’s bedroom door.
‘A pentagram?’ he observed, after a while.
‘Ah, so that is what it is called. I didn’t know its English name.’
‘What’s a Western symbol of witchcraft got to do with Hinduism?’
‘If it is known to you as a symbol of witchcraft then the male
energy that has ruled this planet for this last thirteen thousand
years has done its work of imbuing yet another feminine symbol
of power with a negative connotation. These interlocking triangles
are a symbol of unconditional love.’
Kasu Marimuthu laughed shortly. ‘Why might a great and
secular body like the Government of the United States of America
want to use the symbol of unconditional love as the logo of their
military might and stamp it on every tank, fighter plane, and
missile they produce?’
‘Makes you wonder who those men in power really are, doesn’t
it?’ Maya smiled. ‘Anyway, it is there because the men who put
it there understood its limitless power. In times of great sages
and pure-hearted men, an arrow shot after a mantra had been
whispered into it could unerringly hit a target many miles away.
But the unscrupulous rule the world now, and if their parasitic
existence is to be maintained not only can they not admit that such
symbols have any powers, but they must also set about destroying
their reputation, and suppress their use by others.’
Kasu Marimuthu frowned and crossed his arms. ‘Why would a
sacred symbol avail itself to misuse, anyway?’
‘The human race is conditioned to sit in judgement, universal
laws do not. A law is a law. Does gravity differentiate between a
regardless. ‘They already own most of the earth’s wealth and are
unimaginably powerful, but remain so shadowy, they almost don’t
exist. Their aim is exclusive control: world domination, a one-
government world. In this aim they never take chances. Behind the
scenes you will find their money influences everything, the ruling
party as well as the opposition, heads of state, governments, world
bodies, central banks, the food and pharmaceutical industries,
the media, and all secret organisations that spy on people. Subtly
the masses will be hypnotised into a semi-stupor through the
education system, and a steady diet of entertainment designed to
titillate the senses until even the most hardcore pornography will
not be enough. Caught up in distractions, people will not realise
that their power is being systematically stripped away and their
ability to awaken to their true potential has been suppressed. In less
than a hundred years there will be something called globalisation
that will further concentrate the power in fewer and fewer hands
so that eventually the few can completely control the many. They
will begin with a central government for Europe.’
‘Hold on a minute,’ Kasu Marimuthu said, greatly amused.
‘Seeing it’s you I’m willing to stretch to alien-humans, but a central
government in Europe; that’s lunacy. They hate each other.You do
know that there is a war going on in Europe to stop just such a
thing happening, don’t you?’
‘War is nothing more than an opportunity for the right people
to profit. The European one-state will come into being and then
America will merge with Mexico and Canada.’
‘The Americans will never stand for it.’
‘The United States of America is where the earthly war
between good and evil will ultimately be fought. The Declaration
of Independence – equality, freedom, and fulfilment – drawn
up by the Founding Fathers, was the beginning of a sacred
vision that was meant to one day transform the entire world.
But mischievous forces have taken hold. One day the son and
grandson of a convicted Nazi war criminal will become American
Presidents, and the world will know a permanent war economy;
a policy of secretly fuelling both sides with weapons that keep
the world profitably warring. And oil, ah! What will they not do
for that? That is when they will find a useful thing: “terrorism”.
And so the men in power will attack their own people and blame
it on the terrorists. In the name of security, draconian laws will
be legislated, turning the freedom-loving American people into
one of the most massively controlled people on earth, all the time
marching towards their goal of a global government, a ferocious
global army, a cashless one-currency society, and the employment
of a tagging system with chips inserted into the body. Mankind
will become no more than a herd of sheep.’
‘If we are all to be no more than manipulated animals, what
hope is there for the future?’ Kasu Marimuthu asked, with mock
horror.
‘For us there is always the law of karma, another fine example of
a law that shows no discrimination. All actions have consequences.
Let them beware. Misuse always brings ashes. The system will
crack. Dark always serves the light. All of humanity is evolving
into shamanic consciousness, and we will awaken to our own
power. One day men will do the right thing, without caring for
the consequences to themselves, and that day we will all become
free again. Perhaps not in our time, but certainly before Rubini’s
time is up we must all become conscious or all be damned. For we
are all one, all invisibly but inseparably connected, and as long as
there is even one person who is lost, so are we all.’
again at the picture of the unknown woman. ‘Did you kill yourself
too?’
At the very bottom of the trunk she found a sex book
euphemistically named ‘selling spring’. It was full of cartoons
of men and women engaged in lewd acts. Utterly shocked but
also riveted, she studied them minutely. The pictures got more
and more lurid until the pages were crammed with awful people
with rolled-back eyes, writhing and twisting under unnaturally
enormous genitals.
There was one more hideous than the rest. A woman in the
embrace of a giant octopus, but this octopus had also put its beak-
like mouth between her legs and seemed to be eating her. But what
was confusing and intriguing to Parvathi was that the woman did
not seem terrified, revolted, or in pain. In fact, her expression was
one of pure ecstasy. What a thoroughly obscene race, she decided.
But then she found herself tearing out the page, folding it into
four, and tucking it into her blouse.
The head priest from the Pulliar temple came with a group of
Brahmin priests. With top knots, and bulging stomachs, they had
come especially from India to perform a yagna. To propitiate the
Gods so they would bless the sick man, they gathered around
a large brick pit at the entrance of the house, and made their
sacrificial fire. The head priest lifted his thick wooden spoon. And
so it began: between dollops of the purest ghee, fruit, seeds, nuts,
spices, coconut pieces, sweet rice, flowers, roots, paper money,
honey, milk, and salt were offered to the flames.
The fire became hotter and hotter, but they fanned it still further
with their incessant chanting. Secret Sanskrit mantras that ended
with the word swaha. Their voices were all different, deep, shrill,
high, low and yet it all came together beautifully and began to rise
to a crescendo that trembled so powerfully even the hair on her
hands stood. Someone said, ‘Feed a piece of jewellery to the fire.’
So Parvathi removed her bangle and the priests offered that to the
fire. They continued to feed it for a day and a night. Dark clouds
closed in, thunder cracked the sky, and it rained torrentially, the
Gods had accepted the offering. Everyone seemed suddenly
hopeful of Kasu Marimuthu’s recovery.
Until the servants found the steel cap of one of Kuberan’s
imported shoes in the ashes. Wringing their hands in great
consternation they ran to tell their mistress. Who could have done
such a blasphemous thing? Parvathi felt her hands go clammy.
Kuberan was called down. At first, he denied it, but then Maya
was called in from the kitchen. He was afraid of her. She stood
before him with folded arms and stared down at him until he
confessed. He had not meant it in a bad way. He just wanted to see
his shoe burn. Anyway, he spluttered, he had only thrown it into
the fire after the priests had finished their prayers. The assembled
servants gazed wide-eyed at the boy’s audacity. Then Rubini went
out and came back in with a cane. She held it out to Parvathi.
‘Papa is too sick to punish him, so you must,’ she told her
stepmother.
Parvathi gripped the thin rod in her fist and stared miserably
at Kuberan. She had never disciplined him before. He looked
back at her without remorse. She bit her lip. She knew everyone
thought that he had done something unforgivably disrespectful in
desecrating a sacred ceremony, but she didn’t see it that way. True,
he was demanding and spoilt and could bring the entire household
to a standstill if a toy he cared nothing for went missing, but to her
he was simply a mischievous child. Boring holes into the outhouse
walls and peeping at the servant girls at their toilet, and once even
creeping out of his bed in the middle of the night to paint all Kasu
Marimuthu’s rare white birds bright green. She moved to stand
before him. Though he had not meant to, he had ruined the yagna
and then lied about it.
‘I’m really sorry, Ama,’ he said, his bottom lip quivering.
The sight worried her heart. But servants were watching. Some
discipline was necessary. Her voice was stern. ‘Hold out your
hand.’
He stretched a hand out. It seemed small and defenceless to
her. She raised the cane high above her head, and he snatched his
hand away about the same time that she brought the cane down
hard on a table nearby. Her heart was beating fast. Kuberan was
looking at her curiously, the lively glint back in his eyes. He would,
he must, grow out of his wild ways.
‘You should have caned him,’ Rubini said into the silence. Then
turning blazing eyes to her brother said, ‘And you shouldn’t have
done it, Kuberan.’ But the little devil grinned at her.
For a moment his sister stared at him, bewildered. ‘If anything
happens to Papa it will be your fault,’ she cried, and rushed away
in tears.
Parvathi ordered everyone to leave.
‘Why?’ she asked the boy who looked up fearlessly at her.
Kuberan thought for a while. Then he shook his head. ‘I don’t
know why,’ he said glumly.
‘But you knew that yagna was for Papa, didn’t you?’
He nodded slowly. Maybe even sadly.
‘Don’t you love your father?’
His eyes swam suddenly with tears. He had not thought of the
consequences of his behaviour.
‘Go to your room and don’t come out until I tell you to.’
At the door he stopped and turned back. ‘If Papa dies it won’t
be my fault, will it?’
‘No,’ she said softly. Upstairs Kasu Marimuthu steadily
weakened.
Two days later the enemy landed on the shores of Malaya.
News came from the plantations in Malacca that they could hear
the vibrations of the bombs, not Japanese ones, but the British
destroying their own strategic posts behind them. The managers
began moving out of their bungalows. Leaving for Johor stop, came
the first telegram. Soon all of them were gone. The British had
deserted the sinking ship. The planes flew overhead three at a
time. Parvathi never knew if they were British or Japanese. Only
that they should all make for the shelter stairs.
Kasu Marimuthu pulled Parvathi’s arm so her ear was close to
his mouth and asked, ‘What’s the Japanese word for “friend”?’
Parvathi shook her head. She had forgotten already.
He pulled her down again, ‘To-mo-dachi,’ he whispered.
‘Tomodachi,’ Parvathi said, and he smiled tiredly.
‘The pain is gone,’ he said. His eyes were full of peace and his
face glowed. He had never looked better.
Parvathi was cleaning out the oil lamp in the prayer room when
she heard a faint tinkle, looked up, and saw that Maya’s little statue
had lost another arm. For a moment she stood, shocked, and then
she ran out towards the kitchen calling, ‘Maya, Maya.’
From the kitchen Maya began to run towards Parvathi’s voice.
They stopped within sight of each other.
‘Another of Nagama’s arms has fallen.’
‘Then it must be time to leave.’
‘You can’t leave us now!’ Parvathi cried.
Maya shook her head. ‘It is not I who will be leaving, but you. I
will only be following you.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Let’s just wait and see what happens.’
Kasu Marimuthu began to vomit blood. The earth that bore him
desired him back. He would not survive the night. To facilitate the
separation of the etheric sheath from the physical body, Maya lit
an orange light and burned sandalwood in his room.
‘Pease don’t leave us, Papa,’ Rubini sobbed.
‘Don’t call him back, child,’ Maya admonished gently. ‘Or he
will be caught between two worlds. His mission here is complete
and he must leave the old behind. A doorway has already opened
and beautiful beings are coming through it to escort him back.
Sing him across, child.’
Chum, chum, chum, came along the empty glass corridors, down
the stairs, through the courtyard and towards the study, becoming
fainter and dying away in the study. Parvathi lay unafraid. She
knew they were only dancer’s bells, Rubini’s bells, but what on
earth was the girl doing at that time of the night? The first notes
of classical Indian music played too loud startled her. The lights of
the stage on the island came on. Parvathi slid out of bed and went
onto the balcony. Rubini was rowing out to the island. Parvathi
reached for her opera glasses. Illuminated by bright lights, the girl
made for the stage and immediately surrendered to the music. Ah,
Rubini, swelling, wanting to burst, dancing for her father. Dressed
in her mourning attire, Parvathi attended Rubini’s best and last
dance recital.
Years she had been going there to feed him, and look how large
and magnificent he had grown. No one had ever encountered him
before. He was hissing and black as the night, and yet she was
frightened not at all.
He did not come forward to drink the milk, but stayed in the
shadows by the edge of the temple, coiling his enormous body.
Slowly, majestically, he reared his head high above the ground,
opened his hood to full and regarded her steadily, her god. With
clasped hands she dropped to her knees. For a long time they
gazed at each other until eventually he closed his hood and came
forward, moving so close to her that his body brushed hers. While
she watched, he drank the milk and ate the eggs, grasped them
gently in his mouth before cleanly closing it over them. When the
eggs were all gone he left, the same way he had come, quietly. She
sat back on the floor, light-headed with joy. What a privilege. God
had heard her prayers. She must have remained there for hours,
thinking she was now surely safe from all harm.
In her clinic under the tree Maya told a woman who hobbled up
to her on painfully cracked heels to soak her feet in her own urine
for fifteen minutes at a time. ‘And you will see that they will close
up in no time at all.’
Kupu was sitting on the ground sharpening his sickle and Parvathi
was on the balcony when the car turned into the driveway. Its
doors had been wrenched away and three swords stuck out on
the ready. Parvathi recalled reading that no one who has seen a
Japanese sword can fail to be impressed by how shiny its blade is;
made for beheading, they were to bone what knife was to softened
butter.
The car stopped in the porch and its occupants jumped out, the
thump of their boots uncivilised, brutal. Their utterances to each
other were guttural, a series of barks.
Parvathi ran to the top of the stairs and saw that in the courtyard,
the servants had begun to gather like frightened sheep behind
Maya.
‘Where’s Rubini?’ she asked.
‘In the jungle,’ Maya mouthed silently.
And although she had been apprehensive about her ability to
face the uncertain future alone, Parvathi rushed down without
a second thought and positioned herself in front of Maya. The
enemy barged in, ludicrously small men in sweat-stained singlets,
soft caps with flaps around the ears and neck, and boots pulled up
over baggy brown trousers, but in their faces naught was funny.
Hard, impatient, furious, looking for trouble, each an extension of
his shining sword.
They came to a sudden standstill and gazed about them. From
their open mouths came sounds of wonder, ‘Oh, hoh, oh ho.’
But they soon remembered themselves and reverted to pointing,
grunting creatures. From his frame Mahatma Gandhi smiled his
tranquil, benevolent smile. Resistance without violence.
With her hands clasped behind her back, Parvathi bowed very
low. ‘Ohayoh gozaimasu.’
Uncouth people; they did not respond. Instead, they grunted
and gestured with their swords. She had heard that it was better
that they do that, for it was impossible to understand their rotten
English, and they were quickly infuriated by anyone who did not
understand their needs. And incomprehension turned those shining
swords from their vertical positions to fast-moving horizontal
ones. But, as it turned out, she had no trouble understanding their
crude actions. It was simple really, in the name of their Emperor
they wanted the house.
Her late husband had guessed correctly that their home would
be appropriated for the greater good of the Empire. In the event
he had already made provision for his family to move into the
accommodation above the shop, unless the Japs wanted that too.
If so, there was the back-up plan; a small house in the middle of a
rubber estate on the way to Pekan. ‘Take the car,’ he had said. ‘There,
they will never go. The Japanese are frightened of our jungles.’
Immediately, she shape-shifted into that hated creature, nodding
vigorously, crawling in the dirt to please. ‘Hai, hai,’ of course, at
once, certainly, sir. The moment of taking and giving interrupted
only when the children, the boy sobbing, the girl white-faced,
were herded in by a grim solider. Parvathi couldn’t believe her
eyes. After everything her husband had said, was it possible that
they were this unprepared, this naïve, this open to destruction?
‘Mmmm,’ one of the soldiers said, but he made this harmless
sound from so far down the back of his throat that it held onto its
status as a sound, and not an actual act of violence by the thickness
of a sapless leaf.
One of them went over to Rubini, grabbed her by the hair and
forced her face up. Twitching his nose, he uttered sounds that
could have been ‘oh’, ‘hoh’, or ‘ho’. One of the servants gasped
audibly, but the girl screwed her eyes tight shut and refused to
blubber. Parvathi began to shake with dread. There was nothing
she could do. These were not men. These were beasts. Another
soldier came to stand on the other side of Rubini. He did not laugh
His fluency startled her and caused her to lose her balance
and land on her hands. Her first good look at him was from that
servile position. His colouring was milk and saffron, his nose flat,
his cheekbones high. There was a dull flush of colour on them. His
upper lip was thicker than the lower, but they were both drawn
into a straight line. And as for the black eyes; there was just one
word for them: impenetrable. All in all, it was a breathing mobile
mask of a comprehensively suspicious xenophobic.
He had a view of the West as unheroic; a soft, sickly, corrupt
civilisation addicted to decadence and personal gratification.
Merchants with no ideals, no moral sense, or spirituality and no
honour. But there he was wearing European dress, influenced
by French architecture, employing British naval strategies and
relying on Western weaponry, come to eradicate the disease of
Westernisation from the entire world.
But suddenly what the rishis claim to be true became true: it
is possible to look into a man’s eyes and to see right through to
his very soul. She looked into the kill now, ask later, eyes and
saw not a fascist tyrant, but a door, one that opened to admit
her. Inside that darkness was everything there was to know
about him, everything that was important, anyway. So, while she
couldn’t know his name, or where he lived, or how he liked to
while away his time, she knew that once he had worked with
his hands, doing something gentle. She knew that he was harsh
and exacting, but she also knew that once he had been kind and
good-hearted. That this ruthless, merciless behaviour was not
inborn but learned.
Then the moment was lost. The door closed. In the blackness of
his eyes, like that of a horned beetle something else was preparing.
‘I must apologise for my men. I’m afraid vanguards are not
picked for their sensitivity.’
‘They have not harmed us.’
‘Very well. If they have not already made clear. You have
twenty-four hours to vacate these premises. You may take your
personal belongings, but must leave behind all furniture, cars
and servants,’ he said, as if he had every right to go about taking
people’s property. But that, she could tell, was not all he wanted.
He wanted something more, by far more precious.
Her eyes slid down to Rubini. Ah, Baby look at you, all curls and eyes.
You should have listened to your father.You should have let me cut your
hair. I should have held you down and shorn you.What do we do now?
He had followed the direction of her eyes to the girl on the floor,
but the words that left the dagger-cut mouth were not meant to
destroy the child.
‘If you wish to spare her, you may take her place,’ he said softly.
Her eyes opened and her lips parted in disbelief. The fathomless
eyes bore into her.
Yes, she had known he was about to strike; even so, she had
not expected this. Her husband and the Mamis had declared that
their kind wanted only the fair-skinned, and even then only to
rape and use the once. Her brain reeled stupidly. Perhaps, she
had misunderstood his meaning? ‘I’m very sorry, General, sir,’ she
said. ‘I didn’t hear you. Could you please repeat?’
‘You heard.’ No mercy, no smile of encouragement. Nothing.
Just a blank wall asking her to be his ianfu, his comfort woman.
She had begun life in the white sari of a widow only last week.
‘Be quick. Time is precious,’ he snapped impatiently.
‘I can’t. I’m a widow. My husband died only last week,’ she said.
The stiff face slit open and from it issued soft words spoken
pleasantly. ‘Do not misunderstand me. That was not a request.’
And she saw something in his eyes that she had never seen in her
husband’s or Samuel West’s. Behind a pretence of coldness lay
desire, raw, so raw it was bleeding. This man wanted her badly!
And not just for the once. She had the sudden knowledge that
there was nothing he could hide from her. They were connected
at some bizarre, primal level. Or she had known him from before.
Had already tasted him.
She dropped her eyes. What was the matter with her? She
blinked and he turned to look at Rubini, this time meaningfully.
Their voices had been too soft for anyone to have heard.
Everything had an unreal quality to it. ‘Asking your favour,
sir, would it be possible if my children, and the servants . . . and
time when she heard a movement behind her. It was Rubini, but
so pale and strange. Her beautiful hair was loose and unadorned,
without the coloured bits and pieces that she liked to weave into
it. This time she had escaped. What would happen the next time?
She might not survive unsullied.
‘What is it?’ Parvathi asked.
Rubini held up a pair of scissors. Her eyes were blurry with hate
and fury. ‘That man,’ she said fiercely, ‘I smelled the faeces under
his fingernails.’ Oh, poor, poor child. Now she understood that
she must stand in line to make herself ugly.
Silently they carried a chair onto the balcony and Rubini sat on
it. Parvathi plaited her hair and then taking a deep breath she cut
it close to the neck. ‘I’ll have to neaten it a bit now,’ she said, giving
the thick plait to Rubini. The girl put it in her lap and placed both
her hands over it.
‘You know,’ she said, her voice wobbly, ‘I have to fight not to
react every time you touch me.’ Parvathi’s hands stilled. The girl
carried on talking. ‘And every time I see you I think of myself
asking my mother for Papa and her answering, “He’s gone home
to his wife. We can’t be selfish. We have to learn to share.” Then
I remember that night when she supposedly died of fever. I was
there. I saw her drink the weed killer. They think I don’t know. I
cannot forget her burned mouth and chin, and the way she rolled
and rolled on the ground. And before it, how she cried. “Always
remember,” she said, “I’m not leaving you. I’m doing this, so you
won’t be the dancer’s bastard child.” So I could live in my father’s
house. She was being unselfish. But I would have been happier as
the dancer’s bastard child. She shouldn’t have done it. It was not
worth it.’
She turned her tearstained face up to Parvathi. ‘I know you’re
a good person and it’s not your fault at all. And I’m really sorry,
but I feel so angry with you all the time that sometimes I just have
to strike out. I even used to feel as if you had manipulated this
whole thing and you had stolen my mother’s rightful place in this
household and me from her. Even now I sometimes catch myself
thinking that if not for you, she would be alive in this house with
me. I have behaved unforgivably towards you and I feel guilty and
ashamed because I know you don’t deserve it.
‘No matter how rude or obnoxious I have been, I can’t remember
a time you have raised your voice to me. I don’t think I can ever
love you, but I promise to try my best to be as kind as possible to
you from now on.’
When the last black curl was on the floor, Parvathi closed the
scissors and put them on the table. ‘I’m sorry about your mother,’
she said. ‘I once saw her dance and she was the saddest and most
beautiful woman I have ever seen. And though it may sound
strange to you, I too wish she was still alive.’
Rubini walked to the mirror and stopped aghast. It was as if
she was looking at someone else. Her face crumpled, and she ran
from the room.
out of her hand. That was how she felt. Everything was flowing
away. The harder she gripped, the faster it flowed. She listened to
the waves until the light in the kitchen came on and she knew that
Maya was awake.
The town had only two streets in those days, Main Street and Wall
Street. Both had rubble on them, but not so it obstructed their
progress. The shop was on the corner lot of Wall Street. It had
wooden panels that slid out. On auspicious days, the entrance was
decorated with ropes of jasmine flowers. Inside, it was dim and
full of sacks of dried peas, nuts, lentils and rice. Immediately to
the left was a table full of mahogany boxes peaked with spices. On
every wall, floor-to-ceiling shelves held riches of camphor, soap,
toothpaste, tins of imported food, scourers, incense, washing soda
and clay lamps. The till was a simple compartmentalised wooden
box. A man in a white veshti sat beside it calculating bills. Above
it was a prayer altar with garlanded pictures of Mahaletchumi and
Pulliar. At the back of the store where it was dark there were big
bananas, slowly ripening.
Upstairs were two bedrooms, a living room and a bathroom.
The children were quiet and subdued. They put down their bags
and went to look out of the window at the street below. Suddenly
Rubini screamed: there was a rat in the room. The workers shook
their heads dolefully and said there was no getting rid of them.
They had tried everything, but hordes came and went as they
pleased. Cockroaches enjoyed the same courtesy. They were so
plentiful, it sometimes rained cockroaches. Human hair was their
favourite landing destination. Rubini opened an umbrella and did
not close it until she was inside the mosquito net.
Parvathi wanted Maya to share her room, but she refused. She
would be too disruptive. She kept odd hours with her praying
and preparing of herbs. Finding a bench downstairs, she said,
‘That’ll do,’ and set it up in the storeroom. Then she went into
the adjoining kitchen, and was still cleaning it at 4 p.m. when the
vadai seller came carrying his wares in a basket on his head.
‘Ama,’ he called mournfully at the back door.
Maya went out to him.
‘Today I’ve got very good vadai.’
She bought four for half a cent, and brought them upstairs with
a pot of tea.
By dinnertime the most wonderful smell was wafting out of the
kitchen. The men down in the shop were pleased. Rightly they
had anticipated that delicious treats were soon to mark their days.
There was no electricity, but Maya found an old kerosene lamp.
They lit that and sat around its glow, Rubini under her umbrella.
The six o’clock show at the cinema across the street ended and
by nine o’clock the street had fallen eerily silent. Maya went out
on an errand, but was back by ten. She retired to her room and
closed the door.
By half past eleven Parvathi was already waiting behind the
door. A thunderstorm was about to break and frogs were making
a racket in the drains and she feared she might not hear the knock.
There were flashes of white lightning and thunder in the sky. Soon
the rain would come. At the first soft knock she opened the door.
The driver and she bowed at each other.
She got into the back of the car. They came to a stop. Not a word
had been spoken. She climbed up the entrance stairs, her heart in
her mouth, turned the door knob and became a guest in her own
house. It was the same, and yet, as rain changes every aspect of
the desert, her absence had in some strange way nourished it in
her mind. There were new shadows and a new kind of silence.
There was grandeur too. She had lived here once, and taken it all
for granted.
She went to the study and knocked quietly.
‘Enter.’
He was sitting behind the desk without his coat or sword,
wearing the Japanese military-issue white shirt for officers. The
two gold stars on his stiff collar glimmered. There was black ink
in a bowl. A glass paperweight held down a black and white map
with red dots and crosses. He rose and inclined his head towards
a chair. She moved to it.
‘This house,’ he said conversationally, ‘is full of every kind of
Western luxury and absurdity.’
She said nothing and he let it go. He went to the window and
with his back to her said, ‘Your late husband must have been a
very strange man to keep nothing but a bunch of worthless papers
in his safe.’
She looked at him. He was the enemy, one of the men that her
husband had said were coming to show Malayans the difference
between arterial and venous blood. The bright and the dark of it.
Trust them not. They are only pretending to bring light. Never forget
they are not coming to liberate, but to take without asking. He turned
slightly towards her. His face was stern, even in the shadows. They
stared at each other in the blue flashes of light.
‘Which one is your bedroom?’
‘The first bedroom in the west wing.’
‘And the room with the dolls?’
‘That was the first wife’s room.’
‘I see,’ he said, and came forward, and she was caught by the way
he swung his arms as he walked; unattractive. He stood directly in
front of her. ‘Take me to your room.’
There was nothing worth saying and what was could not be
said. She turned and led the way up the stairs. Her feet were
bare and silent on the stone, but his boots made a hollow sound.
She would remember that sound until the day she died. It began
raining hard. She opened the door and went into her old room.
He followed her in and closed the door behind him. Outside, in a
flare of lightning coconut trees were bent in the wind, their leaves
wildly blowing to one side. The windows were open and rain was
coming through. She went to close them.
‘No,’ he said. ‘Rain blesses.’
‘For us too,’ she said, and let her hands fall to her sides.
He took his cap off. Oh! He was shaven-headed. ‘What if I told
you your daughter was always safe, will always be safe. Would you
still lie with me?’
She went to turn down the light. ‘Don’t,’ he said. The windows
were open. Anyone standing on the beach could see in. Sometimes
the gardener liked to sleep with his orchids, but it was raining and
he would be indoors. There should be no one on the beach.
Even so, sex had always been done in the dark. Quietly, quickly,
furtively, as if some unspeakable sin was being committed. That
sensation was so convincing that she hesitated in the middle of the
room. Take her clothes off? While this stranger watched? He made
an impatient sound inside his closed mouth.
Her hands went to the back of her left shoulder. Fumbled.
Awkward. But she had done this a million times. She tugged the
brooch off. With a tearing sound the pin dropped to the floor. She
unravelled the sari and pulled the pleats out of the underskirt in a
bunch. Unglamorous. This could not have been what he wanted
to see. The material fell in a ring of white at her feet. There were
buttons on her sari blouse. Inside she was bare. Here she hesitated.
Surely he did not expect her to undress fully? Even her husband
had never requested it.
He was watching her intently, but she knew this only by the
way he held his head, tilted at an unnatural angle, for his black
eyes were completely in shadow. The last button relinquished its
hold on the material and she shrugged out of the white garment.
She worked the tie of the underskirt. It came off. There, she was
nude. But ashamed, so ashamed, the blood rushed into her face
and throbbed loudly in her temples. Still, it was not her body she
wanted to hide behind her shaking hands, but her face. He came
for her then. She was surprised by his breath. The lack of alcohol
in it. He put one hand around her waist and perhaps because of
the storm she felt a spark of electricity at his touch. He must have
felt it too. His eyebrows rose.
He touched her cheek. ‘Tears?’
‘Rain,’ she lied. She did not know why she was crying. She
looked at his fingernails. They were cut very short and clean.
He did not undress fully, only his trousers. Then he put her on
the bed. She watched his expression, flared nostrils, the quickly
breathing open mouth and the centres of his eyes that were no
from him. She knew he had imposed himself on her in that way
deliberately. He had wanted her to feel soiled, like a common whore.
She pulled away from the window and went into the bathroom.
For a long time she let the water flow over her. Her cries were all
silent. What now? Because she had lost the protection of one man,
she by default became the property of another? But you chose to, a
nasty voice in her head mocked.
She dressed quickly, unlocked the front door and went out
into the night. The driver was nowhere to be seen. There were
guards on the grounds, and at her approach they swivelled their
heads and raised their guns, but when they realised it was her they
turned their faces away immediately as if she did not exist, as if
she was a ghost.
The rain had stopped, but the ground was wet and full of
puddles, and soon the hem of her sari was soaked. But she did
not feel it. She walked to the beach and sat on the wet sand. The
moon came out and to the lone man on the edge of the beach she
must have made a sad vision, sitting alone, her head bent. Where
was she heading? Who would believe that the high and mighty
Rolls-Royce Mami could fall this low? The scandalised Mamis
gathering in around their handiwork, murmuring, ‘What? Kasu
Marimuthu’s widow the whore of a Japanese soldier? Ah! The
money that man didn’t have.’
A hand clapped over her mouth, which was a good thing or she
would have screamed; his arrival had been so sudden and without
warning. Quickly he bent his head and ran his tongue up her neck
to her ear. She had felt it as a delicious fluttering in her belly. And
when her rigid body relaxed he brought his mouth to hers. She
was startled. She had never been kissed. Perversely, she thought
of the Mamis. Had any of them been kissed like this before? She
had held her lips closed, but with his tongue he prised them apart.
She forgot the Mamis.
He pushed her back onto the sand and undressed quickly. His
body was pale and very smooth. In fact, it was a shock to see
that he was almost completely hairless. She touched the fine skin.
Underneath her fingers steely muscles rippled.
And then she discovered that she knew nothing about making
love to a man. In one smooth movement she was no longer under
him, but on top. She watched him watch her as he moved her
against him, until pleasure as she had never known came to take
her. It was shocking to think that from that place where she knew
only the inconvenience of her monthly cycles, the discomfort
and the ensuing soreness of her husband’s thrusting while she
was still dry, and the pain of childbirth, came these unfamiliar
sensations.
From the base of her they came, the unfamiliar, delicious waves
that spread and ended in her fingertips, and made her think she
had lost control and was floating away into a vortex of darkness,
and that she must be dying. She became afraid. He is killing me,
she thought, and pushed her knees against the ground, away from
him, opening her mouth to cry out. Either he was prepared for her
reaction or he was very quick off the mark, for he cupped the back
of her neck, and kept the other tightly clamped over her mouth.
‘If you shout, the guards will come, and though the servants are
forbidden to leave the quarters after dark, they will hear you, and
you don’t want them to know, do you?’ She heard his whisper, but
as if from far away, over her own muffled shout and hammering
heart. The servants, the guards. She had forgotten them all. This
way, locked, and with widened eyes, she had her first orgasm.
Still joined she lay on top of him.
So . . . now she knew how the ecstatic woman felt in the giant
octopus’s cunnilingual embrace. Now she understood. Then she
realised that there had been no release for him. Oh, the iron control
of the man. She raised herself a little and opened her mouth.
But he did not let her speak. ‘It is time for you to go,’ he said.
Did he know that the need for a woman to love is so extreme
that she would give herself even to the most unfamiliar, the most
fearful. Someone should have told him that once a man touches a
woman the way he had her, she will start to see, hear, taste, smell
and feel with her heart. And the heart is blind to even the most
vicious humiliation.
* * *
Parvathi stole back into the shop house like a thief. She felt guilty
and ashamed at how shamelessly she had responded to his touch.
How she had opened herself to him so easily, so eagerly. Covering
her burning cheeks with her palms she knocked softly on Maya’s
door. Maya opened it and let her in. Parvathi perched on Maya’s
bench unable to meet her eyes. But she had to get it off her chest.
She could hardly keep a secret of such magnitude from Maya
anyway.
‘I unhesitatingly accepted the love offered by life. Was I wrong?’
‘You saw a poisonous cobra as God. Who can blame you?’
‘But he is the enemy.’
‘Does not God himself say, “Love your enemy for he is me”?’
Before Parvathi could reply, Maya raised her finger to the
young woman’s lips and shook her head. ‘Just remember this,’ she
said. ‘If we are born again and again and mostly with the same
people, once as daughter, then mother, another time son, or uncle,
only to return again as wife, or even forbidden lover, wouldn’t that
make sex an irrelevance in the big scheme of things? When all is
said and done, Da, only love matters. Sex is a biological function,
like eating. It is man who has imposed all these taboos on it, for
surely it would be chaos if father slept with daughter and sister
with brother. Have patience with yourself. You are growing and
learning. All these little steps you are taking that you imagine to
be insignificant, they are vitally important to your soul. Each is
a miracle in itself. Use them to stretch out for greatness. Stop
wasting time with regret, grow past all shame and embarrassment,
and instead welcome every experience. Let your life have the
quality of a magnificent celebration. You don’t realise it, but you
are a god experiencing corporeality.’
The next day passed in a dream. She could not stop thinking
of the night before. She heard Rubini plead from inside the
mosquito net, ‘Maya, can you not do something about these
horrid cockroaches?’ And Maya’s answer, ‘I can try to negotiate
with them, but insects are, in fact, the rulers of this earth and if
they refuse to go, there is not much I can do.’
And then she heard her son say, ‘Ama, you’re not listening.’ He
had been talking to her and she had not heard a word he had said.
She smiled guiltily at him. At least he would never know. He did
not care enough to wonder if she had any needs other than being
his blindly devoted mother.
By ten she was in bed, lying fully dressed under a thin blanket
listening to the sounds of the night. There were children hidden in
drains all the way to the Japanese sentry. They were there to hear the
dreaded sound of boots or the click of a sword on the pavement and
warn their fathers who were gathered around a radio in someone’s
house. She was waiting to hear that same sound on the concrete
outside so she could go as quickly as possible to her lover.
Adari was in complete darkness when she arrived. She went to
look for him in the study, which was lit by two kerosene lamps. He
was wearing a kimono. A light garment. And over it a silky white
thigh-length jacket. His pale arms were concealed inside the wide
sleeves and he looked, to her eyes, rather beautiful.
‘What happened to the lights?’
‘There is something wrong with the generator.’
Parvathi stifled the laugh that bubbled up with a small cough.
She had lived there for ten years and the generator had never seen
a day off. It was Kupu’s little rebellion against his new masters.
‘There is fish in the kitchen. Cook for me.’ Passion did not feed
on soft words and pretty songs.
She took a lamp and went into the kitchen. The fish were
wrapped in a sheet of newspaper by the sink. With the tips of her
fingers she unwrapped them. They stank so. She could not begin
to imagine how his race ate such a thing raw. It made her feel quite
ill to gut and wash them, but she did. She did not know where
anything was kept and she had to hunt around for the rice, spices
and oil. She knew the Japanese were unaccustomed to chilli, so
used only turmeric and salt to marinate the fish. While the rice
was boiling she went down to the cellar to look for a bottle of
sake. They had plans for the cellar; all the wooden racks had been
pushed to the sides of the walls. The place seemed empty and
horrible.
She set the table with a bowl and wooden chopsticks. The
house was very silent. The door to the library was closed when
she passed it. In the kitchen she made some tea for herself, and
sat down to wait for the rice to cook. When it was nearly ready she
began to fry the fish. Then she carried the meal to the dining table
and knocked softly on the closed door. There was no answering
call. She was about to knock again when it opened and he came
out. He led the way not to the dining room but to the music room
where all the furniture had been removed and there was only a low
table and some cushions on a mat. He sat on one of the cushions
while she hovered uncertainly in the greenish shadows.
‘The food,’ he grunted impatiently.
Quietly, she brought the food and served it to him on the low
table. She filled his glass with sake.
He raised his eyebrows at the sight of it, but when he tasted it
said, ‘Horrible.’ He opened his palm to the cushion next to him.
She sat. He picked up the bottle and made to pour it into another
glass for her.
‘General,’ she said. ‘Thank you, nevertheless I don’t drink.’
‘Do not refuse me,’ he said politely, and poured the sake. He
raised his glass. ‘To your health.’
She drank (Oh! but no lazy drink that.) He waved his hand
towards the food. Ah, so, he wanted her to join him.
She bowed. ‘I am a vegetarian.’
‘It would please me to see you eat,’ he said softly and putting a
slice of fish into his bowl, pushed it towards her.
She looked at it and in her mind she could still see it all slimy
with its flat dead eyes. She looked up to him. He seemed mildly
curious. She picked it up with her chopsticks and brought it to her
mouth. It smelled so disgustingly fishy she simply could not put it
into her mouth. She put it back into the bowl.
Slowly she raised her eyes to his. He was watching her sadistically,
and she felt a gnawing ache, an emotion she could not name. She
must not be the bride who wore no flowers to her own wedding.
Breaking off a morsel she carried it to her mouth. The smell
made her gag, but she put it in anyway. There, it was done. And
there, that something in his eyes was gone! But chewing, she
found, was an entirely different matter. It released the oily taste
and smell trapped in the fibre of the animal. She should have just
swallowed it. Her stomach began to heave and she had to rush
away to the toilet. She washed out her mouth, and she looked at
her watery eyes in the mirror over the sink. He’d picked the wrong
woman to challenge. She’d show him. This was war.
When she went back to the dining room he had finished eating
and had unwrapped some red bean jelly.
‘Have some dessert with me,’ he invited cordially.
Holding his gaze, she picked the jelly up with her fingers and
put it into her mouth, her fingers brushing her lips, her lips
enclosing her fingers, her finger caressing her lips. Madame
Regine would have been proud of her performance. He became
very still. She chewed the jelly slowly, though it was bland and
unappetising, her eyes never leaving his. She licked at her lower
lip. Yes, this was war.
‘Come,’ he said, standing up, and wordlessly she followed him.
Afterwards, she lay beside him, so utterly spent that she was
without even the will to move. How many times had he imposed
himself on her? Lazily she tried to remember. Three, no, four.
One day he would return to his country where he would go back
to pretending that all foreigners were uncivilised barbarians, and
no one would guess how insatiable he really was, how he simply
couldn’t get enough of one uncouth foreigner. She felt her eyes
close. She was drifting off. There was a weeping willow by a bridge
on the lane they had chosen to walk upon.
‘What is this perfume you put in your hair?’ he asked softly. His
eyes were closed. He too was exhausted, not entirely present. She
had vanquished a man of war.
‘I smoke it in myrrh. It takes too long to dry, otherwise,’ she
said. Her voice was soft, unfamiliar even to her. He opened his
eyes and confessed that he did not know the meaning of the
word. He had studied in America, but English would always be a
second language forever waiting to overwhelm him, in harmonics,
grammar or vocabulary.They looked the word up in her dictionary.
It was still dark when she left. On the grounds where Kasu
Marimuthu had entertained lavishly, soldiers in white vests were
just beginning to assemble for their morning training under the
flag of the rising sun. Back in the flat she lay down inside the
mosquito net and realised there was no sound of rats dropping off
their perches or cockroaches flying into nets. Maya’s appeal had
met success.
While the other Mamis were selling their gold chains an inch at
a time to pay for oil and rice, Apu was actually making a profit
trading with the stuff that people came to sell at the store in the
flourishing black market. Parvathi, however, remained oblivious
of his entrepreneurial skills or the healthy state of the long, narrow
accounts book that he handed over every Wednesday evening, and
that she dutifully returned the next day, without having looked at
it. How could she, when she lived only for the nights?
During the day while the children were at school she slept
or sat at her upstairs window endlessly daydreaming about
him, conjuring up unlikely scenarios. They meet in the street
and go down an alleyway and have furious sex between dark
doorways. They see each other by accident in a public place
and he comes up to her, caresses her hand openly, and says,
‘You are mine. I’ll kill any man who comes near you.’ More and
more she took risks to see him. She knew it was dangerous, but
she didn’t care.
The only time she ever felt a frisson of fear was the one occasion
a week when she sought her black umbrella and walked through
the town to sit with the other Mamis. Here she was forced not only
to listen but also join in the vociferous cursing. Beasts. Monsters.
Raping, taking, killing. And now the disgusting creatures were
urinating on the streets! Vile. Unspeakably hateful.
Once, Padi Mami looked at her slyly. ‘You must have a very
lucky star shining on you. They never come to disturb you or your
shop, do they? Not even the bandits’ (those days the Communists
were referred to thus) ‘raid your shop.’
A hush fell upon the group.
At the back door of the shop Maya, returned from the market, was
telling the father of a drug addict, ‘When the cravings come, salt
some sliced onions and give them to him to eat, and the irresistible
need will recede as surely as I sit here before you.’ And looking
him in the eye, she said, ‘Do the same whenever you need to sober
up after drinking.’
But now she knew the Japanese had learned to venerate merciless
men. And duty gave them a clear conscience. Not once did he
awaken in the night with nightmares. It was the training given in
the Japanese army. Everyone was treated with brutality until it
seeped into him, and even if he had arrived abhorring violence, he
left their grounds if not revelling in it, then accepting that it was
the only way to treat the enemy, the foreigner, the stranger.
‘But I know a woman who does not tell lies and she told me she
did not feel anything when she looked at the picture.’
He looked down at her. ‘Then she is a lucky woman. She has no
worldly desires to be ashamed of.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Whoever looks at the painting sees themselves in the clown,
miserable with the desires they have acquired or plan to. When
I look at this picture I am the clown and you are the swan, but
when you look at it you will be the clown and I will be the swan.
Always when we take something, its freedom is gone. I have
taken from you what I should not have, but you have imprisoned
me too.’
With new eyes, his eyes, Parvathi looked at the painting. Yes,
of course, it was not right that such a proud and fierce creature
should be so subdued inside a man’s grasp. That was what had
bothered her. Even more than the desolation in the eyes of the
clown who knew the hidden cost of his desires.
‘Actually, I’ve been meaning to say this to you for a long time,’
she said. ‘I’m very grateful to you for what you did for Rubini. If
you had not come when you did . . .’
‘The men would have used her,’ he said flatly, and she shuddered.
‘Why did you pick me?’
‘Because of your hair. It was the first thing I saw. So long it
reached your knees. Wig-makers say Chinese hair is good, but
Japanese hair is better. They have not seen or touched yours.’
She looked at him in astonishment. ‘My hair? But it is straight.
Not beautiful and curly like Rubini’s.’
It was his turn to look surprised. ‘We have noodles in Japan like
that.’
How strange that what her culture considered beautiful was
undesirable to another. He took her hair in his hand, let it slip
through his fingers, sighed and fell silent. ‘It was so beautiful I had
to move towards it as if my past was calling. You see, my father
was a famous hairdresser in the Geisha quarter of Gion. He used
to say that there was a time when you could tell everything about
a person just by looking at their hair. What kind of work they did,
which part of the country they came from. There was even a
different hairstyle for every class.’
‘What would you have done if I had not come back that first
night?’
‘I only wanted a woman, but when you arrived dressed in white,
your face unadorned, I became frightened the way a man fears a
thing that could destroy him. If you had not come back, I would
have found another and she would have done just as well, and the
same man that arrived on these shores would have left it.’
happen to all of us? But you don’t care, do you? And anyway, how
did you get into the house? You didn’t use the front or back door,
because I’ve been listening.’
‘Come here,’ Parvathi said, and impulsively, still full of her lover’s
scent, she stepped forward and hugged the small, raging body.
First, the child went rigid in her arms, and then she immediately
began to wriggle and squirm in earnest. Parvathi let her go and the
girl hurriedly stepped back. Always, always, she had to keep the
greatest distance between her and her feelings.
‘I am here now, and nothing is going to happen to me or any of
you,’ Parvathi said gently.
Rubini stared at her, biting her lower lip, while all kinds of
conflicting emotions chased across her face, but unable to voice
any of them, she turned suddenly and with a tearing sob, raced up
the creaking stairs.
Maya pushed the glass of milk on the table towards Parvathi
and said, ‘Here, don’t forget to take this with you for her.’
down. She held the bowl of foaming green tea up to her lips and
sipped slowly.
She folded herself onto her knees and placing her hands in
front of her, flat on the ground, she touched her head to them and
remained motionless. And in this way she prepared to serve her
master.
In the middle room of the round tower Kupu lay on the floor
and looked at the stars through the porthole window. He dreamed
about how far away they were, what their bodies were made of,
and who lived on them. He closed his eyes and might have dozed
off, but became suddenly aware of light outside his closed lids.
Light? In the middle of the jungle? At night? He rushed to the
window, to witness a most unlikely scene.
A group of about twenty men wearing hooded brown robes
and carrying burning torches were gathered in a circle around
the communicating stone. It was not possible to see their faces,
but their complete stillness was sinister. And something else about
them was not quite right either – they did not seem completely
solid; their edges were uncertain, wavy.
One of the ghostly figures left the circle and went to the wall of
the tower where the stairs began and struck it. Then he looked up
to the window where Kupu stood and beckoned to him. There was
no face, only deep shadows cast by his hood. Kupu felt a chill run
through the entire length of his body. The figure returned to the
group and resumed his place. Then all of them slowly faded away.
For a while Kupu stood at the window, shocked by what he
had witnessed, and then he turned around and saw his body still
asleep on the floor. For a frightening moment he thought he was
dead. Slowly, he walked, well, floated towards it, and kneeling over
himself, stared at his prone body. He had never seen himself from
this angle before, and he was even less pleased with himself than
on the rare occasions he had chanced upon his image in a mirror
or a watery surface. When he tried to touch his inert body, he
found himself sucked, and quite painfully, back into his body. He
sat up, confused and in a daze. Had he dreamed it all?
May arrived and Maya, ignoring the yellow bulbs of garlic on the
market floor, brought only the whitest home, and then that year
ran out too, and it was January again.
Don’t become like the rest of them.’ She slipped her hand into the
rough material of his uniform and found his heartbeat. ‘This, bring
me this. Nothing more,’ she whispered fiercely. She took his hand
and together they ran to the beach. Both desperate to erase what
had just happened. Both needing to lose themselves in each other.
To feel pleasure coursing through them again. To know that nothing
had been lost in the exchange. Wanting to be one again.
They swam in the dark, their bodies slipping against each other.
Their laughter muffled, their hands cleaving the water like oars,
silent in the dark.
The air became cool, while their bodies became warm and
wonderful. They made love in the pouring rain lying on the
seaweed that had washed to shore. The rain stopped. The sky
filled with thousands of stars and an almost full moon.
Warm and dry in bed afterwards, she turned to him lazily. ‘Are
you all right?
‘Hmm.’ His voice was always stern, but she knew it was his way
to be thus, even in bed. Once, just once, he had said, ‘Suki desu.’
But it only meant, ‘I like you’, a poor expression of affection, and
even confessing that had made him awkward and uncomfortable.
He preferred to communicate his feelings with his body.
She stared up at the ceiling. ‘I wish you could meet Maya.’
‘I’ve met her.’
She came up on her elbow, her face surprised. ‘You’ve met her!
When?’
‘That first night before you came to me. I had gone out for the
evening and when I returned she was waiting behind the door. It
was a reflex action, to aim my sword at her stomach. But the thing
about that incident that I remember most is that I wounded her,
there was blood on my blade, but she didn’t even blink. “If you
hurt her, I will cut you down while you sleep,” she said.Who knows
where that illiterate foolhardy woman got the idea to threaten a
Japanese soldier? If it had been any one of my colleagues they
would have had her head on the spot. After she had delivered that
extraordinary statement she backed away slowly, but never taking
her eyes off me. Quite creepy actually.’
When she returned to the flat she asked Maya about it.
‘What is a sword in my belly? Death is nothing. I’m not attached
to this body. It is only a vehicle my soul needs to reach higher levels
of consciousness and light. Human beings are all confused – without
death, how will the deathless soul continue its journey?’
It was the last days of October 1944. While Parvathi was draping
herself in her customary white sari, Rubini came in. She sat on
her bed and said, ‘Mami, you always looked nice in red. Why don’t
you wear a red sari just around the house? No one will see except
us.’
That night, Parvathi went to him with flowers in her hair and a
coloured sari. He stared at her in surprise.
‘It’s actually a wedding sari,’ she said softly, but his face changed
and he turned away from her. Tentatively, she touched his curved,
rejecting back. The muscles twitched under her hand.
‘Why?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know. It seemed you were mocking me. Telling me
you’ll never be my bride.’ He sighed heavily. ‘This is all a charade
anyway. The imperial headquarters have been deceiving us. We
are losing the war.’ He sighed again. ‘What a mess it all is!’
His words brought swift pain. She had known it was coming,
and it was as he said. The Allies had to win and he would have
to go back to Japan in shame. She wanted the war to be over,
she wanted her children to go to proper schools and for sanity to
return, but the thought of parting from him was unbearable.
In a dip on the beach they sat to their midnight picnic.
Afterwards they lay beside each other. The quiet was broken
by a sudden commotion at the cowshed. She rolled over and
saw Kupu running out of the servants’ quarters towards the
shed. Laying her chin on her wrist, she watched him from her
concealed position. A patrolling soldier called out to Kupu, who
stopped and waited. They spoke briefly, then Kupu carried on
to the cowshed.
‘What’s going on?’ asked the General, without the least concern
in his voice.
‘One of the cows must be calving,’ she murmured.
Through the smoke she saw Kupu light a lamp, all his movements
beautifully fluid and concise. He bent his head towards the cows,
and hidden behind the wooden slats, was lost to her sight. She
tried to imagine him speaking to the cow, gently coaxing, and
that moment in the jungle when she had thought him beautiful
and wanted to touch him came back to her. She still thought him
beautiful, but now that desire did not want or need to be satisfied.
‘What are you thinking about?’
‘Nothing,’ she said, returning to her old position.
He sat up. ‘In front of this empty gourd of sake, these chopsticks,
and these leftover bits of food, will you marry me?’
His face was full of black shadows. She could not see the
expression in his eyes. For the Japanese army it was not sex that
was taboo, but love. It was the unspoken rule. They were not to
take wives. They were not to leave progeny.
‘Won’t it destroy your career?’
‘A woman’s beauty must be judged by the men she destroys.’
She closed her eyes. But the tears squeezed through anyway.
‘Yes, I will.’ It was only a whisper.
‘Come, we will go tonight to your temple. Let your gods be
witness that you are my chosen woman.’
‘But I have no thali.’
He wrenched off his signet ring. ‘Will this do?’
That night they travelled to a temple far away. So far away that the
existence of Kasu Marimuthu or his widow was unknown there.
It was a small Murugan temple, her mother’s deity of choice. As
she stepped into the temple Parvathi noticed that the floor was
dirty, and felt ashamed. We should keep our temples cleaner, she
thought. We should house our gods better, and she glanced at
Hattori San. Surely, his temples were cleaner.
They took the priest from his slumber and he came out in a
hastily tied veshti, his hair an untidy knot, terrified. His eyes darted
every now and again to the sword hanging so casually from the
Japanese General’s belt.
His hand trembled when he reached for the burning camphor.
The couple exchanged garlands. The General put vermilion
powder on her forehead. The priest fed the fire and brought it to
them so they could hold their hands towards its warmth. In the
light of the camphor, his pearly face shone. He smiled at her, but
she cried. Why? Because it was not real. Nothing that happened in
the night, in secret, was real. Only fools and people in love would
attempt them.
With his thumbs he rubbed away her tears, but they would not
stop so he pressed a finger to her quivering lips. She lifted her
eyes to his then; the tears became stones in her throat. Locked in
his gaze she saw a sad, hopeless longing for tomorrow, for more
memories, for this to be a beginning. Fiercely, she told the stone
statue, ‘I love him. I truly love him.’
She did not know the statue had seen it all before. Lovers who
staked everything on nothing. Her hands wandered to the garland
of jasmine flowers. She was married. Yet this was not a marriage,
not really. They were the doomed lovers of Japanese legends: as
the shining bells toll at the coming dawn, they take their own lives.
‘I am happy to be your husband.’ Light overflowed from his
eyes as his arm stretched to encircle her waist.
Her husband! Yes, husband. This man who should have smelled
of blood, how she loved him. Who would dare to tell her otherwise?
This was no dream either. No, the pebbles under her bare feet
hurt.
She looked back one last time. The snake smiled. Everything
you asked for. And yet, what about for all time? Had she lost some
meaning?
The priest called goodbye, but halfway to the car he came
running after them. ‘Wait!’ he called. ‘You forgot your umbrella.’
The frogs were still croaking, but it had stopped raining. ‘You
keep it,’ she said. Twilight was coming in, they must hurry back.
She looked into his curious eyes. He was a good man. He wanted to
go back inside where it was warm and safe. ‘Pray for me,’ she said.
In the flat above the shop Maya was awake and tending to a clay
pot on the stove. Inside was medicine that had been cooking non-
stop for two whole days.
‘How much longer?’ Parvathi asked.
‘Anytime now the pot will break and the medicine will be ready.’
Parvathi nodded distractedly. ‘Maya,’ she said, ‘if I was looking
for a beautiful soul to fall in love with, why didn’t I just fall in love
with Kupu? There can hardly be a soul more beautiful than his.’
‘What is that game called with all the oddly-shaped pieces that
you have to put together to make a picture?’
‘A jigsaw puzzle.’
‘Yes, that’s the one. Each of us have come to this earth with a
few pieces to a jigsaw puzzle as big as this universe. Each time we
meet someone, we unconsciously show them our pieces to see if
they have pieces that will fit ours. If they don’t they go their way,
and we have no more to do with them. But if they do, ah . . . that
Deep in the jungle in the light of the moon Kupu sat, alone and
mateless on the temple steps, a look of great sadness on his face.
A gentle breeze lifted a lock of his hair. The leaves shivered with
it. He lifted his gaze so that he would not see the graven piles
of dead bees around his feet. His dazed eyes reached for the
communicating stone.
It lay uprooted and face down. He thought of the Japanese
soldiers who had wreaked this damage. A wholly enigmatic race,
their souls covered with night light; deadly, ill-pleased men who
would cut down a tree for a coconut and blow up a whole nest for
a comb of honey. Today they had come to unearth the silver bowls
as large as temple bells and cart them all away.
But they had no idea what they had done.
He shivered; the stone underneath him was communicating,
something hard and rejecting. It did not want to bear his weight.
He stood slowly, tiredly. He must not further burden the stone. And
then he jerked and froze: he knew this jungle and its inhabitants
intimately and he could not imagine what could have made that
single depressed sob.
He remembered Maya saying, ‘Man has hardly any friends
among the other life forms on earth because he has used them all
so badly.’ There was a rumble of disquiet inside him. In fact, after
that sound, the entire place had become pregnant with a quiet
waiting dread, asking for wounds. Maya was right. The bowls had
kept away bad spirits and now without them, the energy that was
nourishing and protecting had turned ‘black’. He could feel it – a
silent silky menace, getting ready to destroy.
The children had come down with chickenpox and were fractious.
Maya tied together bunches of neem leaves, and when their skin
itched Parvathi brushed them with the leaves. To make the scabs
fall she and Maya rubbed castor oil on their bodies. The days and
nights passed slowly. It was more than a week before Parvathi
could creep away. As the car drove up she noticed that the
impressive iron gates were gone, presumably to be smelted down
in munitions factories in Japan. The house too was blanketed in
darkness, but this time it was not Kupu’s doing. There was hardly
any oil left for the generator. The war was going badly wrong.
She watched the candles slowly burning down. Some nights he
hardly spoke at all, but she had learned not to ask questions even
when she longed for his voice. That night though she wished he
had stayed silent.
‘I killed a snake today,’ he announced. ‘A huge black cobra.
More than thirteen hands long. I cut its head off.’
Parvathi thought she was breaking into little pieces and floating
away, but he appeared to have not noticed anything amiss.
‘Shocking, isn’t it? To think that such a huge animal could live
in this area.’
To conceal the horror in her voice she whispered, ‘Where did
you find it?’
‘Well, that’s the strangest thing. I saw it from our bedroom
window, simply lying on the lawn below. I rushed downstairs and
at first I wasn’t even sure if it was still alive, because even with
the noise of my boots on the ground it did not prepare to defend
itself or escape. In fact, it did not stir at all. It just lay looking at me,
as if it understood what I was about to do and welcomed it.’ He
shook his head. ‘It was really odd. I felt sorry afterwards. It was a
beautiful thing.’
God was dead. But that it should be he who had done it! Now
the divine force that had brought him to her and protected them
all this while was gone. She knew then that the time had come for
him to go away from her.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘I’m terrified of snakes.’
‘Well, it’s dead now.’
She made herself smile although she was dying inside.
The next day she went to the goldsmith’s and asked him to
make her a snake statue, coiled and open-hooded.
‘In gold?’ he asked.
‘Pure gold.’
From under untidy grey eyebrows he regarded her shrewdly.
To the best of his knowledge there were no rich locals left. ‘How
big?’
‘Maybe six inches.’
‘That will be very expensive,’ he warned, ‘and I can’t accept
banana money. It will have to be British currency,’ though he
knew well that it was a capital offence to transact in any currency
other than the worthless Japanese notes.
‘I have money,’ she said.
‘I’ll need it in advance.’
In a week it was ready. He carried it out from a back room and
put its gleaming form on the glass case.
‘Yes, it’s perfect,’ she said, and took it home. While Maya
watched, she took down all the other framed pictures. She would
give them away. And so the little gold snake came to stand alone
on her altar.
When she arrived at Adari that night there was someone with him
in the study. She sat in the music room and listened to their voices
in the next room. Then she heard a man’s voice say, ‘What did
you say? Do you wish to die?’ It was not a roar, but a quiet threat.
When they left he came to find her. He looked weary.
An old pond,
the noise,
when a frog jumps in.’
‘An old pond, the noise . . . when a frog jumps in,’ she repeated
slowly. In precision and economy it was what she would have
expected of his race. Quickly she had been brought to the green
water disturbed. But enigmatic – to what purpose?
He fixed his eyes on her. ‘The frog is given to the old pond.’
He paused, remained contemplative. ‘No, not even given. Lent
temporarily. This is what it means. Despite that eagerly swallowing
noise, is the temporary frog really worth the loss of stillness? Are
you worth it? Really?’
He passed out on the cushions and Parvathi stayed awake,
watching him.
Unable to sleep, she went to stand at the window and saw Kamala
sitting on the porch of the servants’ quarter. Suddenly she knew
a longing to listen to her incessant chatter, the comic inaccuracies
in her knowledge. She slipped across the lawn noiselessly and very
gently laid her hand on Kamala’s shoulder. The woman jumped
up with a strangled yelp and shrieked, ‘Oh, Ama! What are you
doing here?’
‘Shhh,’ Parvathi said, hiding a smile. I’ve been coming here for
years, I just didn’t let you see me until now. But what she said was, ‘I
came to see the house.’
‘Ama, don’t you worry about the house. I am aware that all the
window-ledges of the upstairs windows are encrusted with pigeon
droppings, but very soon the white man will win the war and you
will come back, and then the daredevil boys can clean up, can’t
they? For the moment, the girls and I will do the best we can.’
Parvathi sat on the edge of the cement by the drain.
‘How is Maya? Is she well?’ Kamala asked. ‘The other day I
had a pain here.’ She placed her hand under her right knee, ‘and
I wished she was here. She would have cured me straight away. I
really miss her.’
‘Maya is very well.’
‘And the children – how are they?’
‘The children were down with chickenpox but they’re better
now. How are you?’
‘I miss corn bread. Since the bakery closed we only get the
bread that comes in the trains, and it is always hard and stale. It is
difficult for me with my teeth, you know.’
‘How are they treating you here?’
‘Oh, I’m scared of them. They are so fierce. They never smile
or talk, and sometimes they hiss at me when I cannot immediately
understand their gestures. They spat my cooking out the first
time, too hot for them, so I started adding a lot of coconut milk
and they don’t spit and snarl any more.’ She paused and shook her
head. ‘But terrible things are happening in the cellar. People are
being tortured down there. A few times the cellar door has been
left open and I have heard screaming. Cheh! They carry out dead
bodies from there, even in broad daylight. And now unquiet spirits
have moved into the house and I am afraid to set foot inside at
night any more. Sometimes I hear the ghostly sound of a woman
singing, and once I think I saw her. She was very beautiful and as
white as rice. She wore a long gown and wooden clogs, and she
carried a paper fan. She was simply standing on the beach looking
out to sea. Ama, I don’t mind telling you, I’ve never been so afraid
in all my life. I ran and hid in my room. But don’t you be scared.
When you move back here, Maya will know just what to do to
get rid of these ghosts. Other than that it’s all fine,’ she said, and
flashed Parvathi a brilliantly toothless smile.
Parvathi left her old servant and walked on the beach for hours,
then, following a foul scent, came upon a dead turtle. She shone
her torchlight at it. Its mouth was full of black blood, sand and
bluebottle flies. It was gone the next day. The fishermen must have
buried it.
She knelt, and sat on her crossed heels, while he put a record on
the turntable and went to stand by the open window. The wind
blew his white kimono away from him. The voice of a woman
singing in a high-pitched voice to the accompaniment of a lone
string instrument filled the room. Strange, and to her untrained
ear, displeasing.
‘I’m afraid I don’t have a good ear for music,’ she said. ‘My first
husband had to give up on me.’
He came towards her. ‘Listen, but this time, do not use your
ears.’ He put her index finger into his mouth. The wet finger he
held up over her head. ‘Listen with your skin. Forget what you
look like. Open your mouth and taste it with your tongue. It
has drama. Fall in love with it. Let it possess you. Be possessed.
Listen,’ he whispered. ‘Hear that sound? That is the shamishen. It
is an instrument that requires great skill. No giggling maiko can
play this. Only the oldest and most accomplished of geishas can
pluck it like this.’
She listened to the twanging sound. Hollow. Sad. Lonely. No
rich chords here. The famous Japanese restraint?
‘It is made from cat’s skin. Only the skin of a female virgin
kitten is used because if a cat is mounted even once by a tom, he
will leave scratches on her skin that will affect the perfection of
the sound.’
The lonely sound continued, scratchy, even without the tom.
‘You must hear it in your heart or turn away from it for ever.’ He
faced her. ‘Did you hear it?’
‘No,’ she said. He returned to the window and stood with his
back to her.
‘It is nearly all over. In secret negotiations with the US via the
Vatican last spring our Emperor has already agreed surrender
terms. But the US is stalling, while devastating Tokyo with B-29s.
They goaded us into making our first bad move, attacking Pearl
Harbour, and now I think they want to invade Japan. Try out that
new atomic weapon of theirs on a live target,’ he said.
She said nothing. What could she say?
And then she stared at his back, aghast as he explained in a flat,
unemotional voice that dying was an infinitely better destiny than
surrender. In Japan, it was the way of the honourable Samurai to
fall as purely as the cherry-blossom does. The act of clinging to
life instead of choosing the rush of death for great ideals was a
cowardly bourgeois habit. Ancient warrior codes instructed their
members that when in doubt whether to live or die, it was always
better to die. Had he himself not briefed his men with the words,
‘No half-measures now. All of you come back dead.’
And there was another good reason to choose death. She
remained without words while he spoke of giri, honour, an utterly
blind and uncompromising obligation towards the family, the
group, the employer. In silence she learned another word, giri-
ninjo.The obligation to one’s wife, children, parents. In comparison
with this obligation, the call of love was a trivial matter. They could
never be together.
There was a pause. Then: would she like to join him in
committing a double suicide? Shinju. Like Hitler and Eva, but not
as an act of war or rebellion, rather an expression of atonement.
But she had seen a picture of this double suicide that he referred
to. It was horrible. The man lying over the woman. A sword
sticking out of his back and she open from ear to ear, as if she was
grinning hideously, triumphantly. Crumpled blood-soaked cloths
around the dead couple. A terrible picture, but then again, all the
doomed lovers of the best legends committed suicide.
The cult of an honourable suicide was a facet of his culture;
but how could she take her own life? What would become of her
children? They would never live down the disgrace of it. Good
families would not want to marry into hers. ‘Bad genes,’ they
would say and shake their heads. And what of her soul? She
thought of it wandering who knows how long, a spirit or devil,
lost and in torment.
Her eyes turned up to him, full of begging. She opened her
mouth and quick as a flash he thrust out his hand and covered
it. Her eyes widened with the suddenness of the movement,
the violence of it. His fingers moved; he caressed her cheek,
gently massaged the area around her mouth. She stared at him:
the calmness in his eyes the sternness of his mouth. The music
stopped. He took his hand away.
‘Do not worry yourself. It is not important, after all. Get some
rest,’ he said, his voice unseasonably gruff. This was him at his most
tender. But this was also his final word. She could follow him or not.
But he must die. It was the only way for him. He smiled at her. She
wouldn’t smile back. Even through her shock she saw that this was
the very thing she had prayed for. Let him be willing to put his hand
in the fire for me, let him be ready to give up his life for me.
The Snake God had delivered.
And what does a woman do if she realises she does not want
what she had asked for? Should she still bow and accept? What
would happen if that woman changes her mind and does not want
to accept?
She lay awake beside him until dawn and then went back to the
shop house. She did not know what to do. Her skin felt clammy.
For a long, long while she rested her forehead on the tips of her
fingers and meditated. And then she decided. If that woman does
not accept she goes back to the altar. She looked at her coiled serpent
and said, ‘I was a child before. I did not know what I asked. Forgive
me. I am a woman now, and I ask that he be spared. May none of
his bandages carry my name. Let him live, even without me. Bless
him. Let him live.’
holding drop out of her hand and heard the thud of it hitting
the ground. A cool breeze blew in onto her hot, damp flesh. Her
hand fell heavily on his shoulder. The smell from the gas lamp was
strong. Outside, a peacock called. The wind rustled in the trees.
The generator was silent. She remembered it all. Every little detail
captured like a living, breathing photograph. She had thousands
of them. They were all beautiful, precious secrets, like buried
treasure.
8th May 1945. The war in Europe ended and London, the radio
said, was awash with intensely patriotic parades and street parties.
High overhead, American bombers were passing on their way to
Singapore. The Mamis said, ‘Very good. The Japanese won’t be
around too long now.’
6th August 1945. The BBC broadcast that the first atomic bomb
had hit Hiroshima. General Hattori stood ashen-faced on the
balcony and looked blindly out to sea.
8th August. The second fell. The city of Nagasaki became a sea of
rubble. Parvathi remembered the sweet-seller in Ceylon who had,
without any warning, gone mad one day. He rushed out into the
street with dishevelled hair and gave away handfuls of his sweets.
When his sons came to find him, he was sitting at the doorway
eating an onion, and laughing for no reason.
ritual act of handing over their samurai swords to denote the total
disarmament of the Imperial Japanese Army.
To the woman who came to Maya with PMT she said, ‘Throw
away the Gregorian calendar you keep in your house.Your body is
simply confused because it knows that there are thirteen months
in a year, not twelve. Just follow the cycles of the moon – recognise
the new moon as the first day of the month, the full moon as
the middle of the month, and the black moon as the last day of
the month – and you will never again suffer pains or depression
before, during, or after your periods.’
Her drawers were full of banana money. She gave them to the
children, Rubini played shop with them, and Kuberan, the
destructive little monster that he was, burned his in heaps. Burning
money! It should have made her shudder, but she was glad not to
profit. It was tainted. What would the Mamis do with theirs, she
wondered. With tears in their eyes, fold them into origami flowers
and little dogs? Adari. She knew it had been bombed, of course,
she had expected it to have suffered, but that jagged silhouette
that met her . . . All the glass had been shattered, the roof had
caved in, and what remained cast long shadows. In the middle of
the ruin was Kasu Marimuthu’s metal cage. It alone had survived
intact. She recalled his anxiety about being trapped in it if there
was a fire. Strange, what he had worried about.
She thought of all his thousands of dust-covered books
burning in the inferno, and suddenly remembered – it was
behind the books that she had hidden away her legal papers, the
land deeds, the titles to the estates. The lawyer will have copies,
she told herself. On the island, a lone peacock opened its sparse
tail and danced determinedly for her. The others were nowhere
to be seen. She watched it until it walked away, its tail brushing
the ground.
She moved towards the generator room. It was falling to pieces,
but Kupu suddenly crept out of it barefoot and dressed in rags.
‘Ama,’ he gasped, and rushed to fall at her feet. Poor man, he
must be living off the land now, she thought, and took off her
chain to give it to him. But he shook his head violently. ‘What for,
Ama? The forest and sea will feed me and be my grave too.’
She looked towards the house. ‘What happened?’
‘It was horrible, just horrible, but there was nothing any of us
could do.’ His lips trembled. ‘It began after the Japanese soldiers
stole away the silver bowls from beneath the floor of the temple.
After that “it” came upon us from the East and the West. “It”
came in the guise of Communist insurgents with side-arms, rifles,
grenades, and carbines. They held us at bay and set fire to the
house. The wooden floors burned easily, and in the incredible
heat the glass panes began to explode. We were driven further
and further back until in the end, we were standing in the sea,
while one by one the great iron casings collapsed. The noise was
deafening and flames leaped hundreds of feet into the air. I’m
surprised you couldn’t see it from the town. When the burning
tree in the middle of the house finally crashed into the flames, I
cried. I knew I would never again see anything else more heart-
wrenching.’
Watching him, Parvathi suddenly noticed that his tic was
gone. It must have been a manifestation, a way of warding off
the unendurable. Now that he was returned to the land, he was
glorious again.
‘I must go and see the temple,’ she said.
‘Ama,’ he said sorrowfully, ‘I’m afraid I have bad news. The day
after they killed the snake, the temple was bombed by the British.
They must have mistaken it for a Japanese station. But come with
me anyway, and see what is left.’
She looked at the devastation in silence and in silence he led
her out of the jungle back to the edge of the house, where he bade
her goodbye. She watched him walking through the shimmering,
waving, long grasses, head bent like a tiger, and a great sadness
descended upon her. She would never see him again; she felt that
in her heart. She would bequeath that square of sacred land to
him. He was the rightful owner of it. She was walking away when
she heard him call her name and turned around. He was standing
at the edge of the forest.
She cupped her hands to her mouth. ‘What it is?’
For a moment he did not answer and she thought the wind
had snatched her voice away. But then the same wind brought his
reply as if he stood beside her and said, ‘I’ve loved you from the
first moment I saw you. And that day in the forest, I slept not for
three nights that it was not my right to touch you.’
Her hands fell to her sides. They stared at each other from their
distance. So far away she could not even make out his features.
‘I just wanted you to know,’ he called, and turned away.
‘Wait!’ she shouted, but he had already stepped through the
dark green wall and become part of the jungle once more. She
waited a while longer, even though she knew he would not come
back.
She picked her way through the wreckage, past the black tree
stump, onwards to the west wing. The north wall of the ballroom
was gutted and wind blew through it. Her appearance startled a
pale iguana that scuttled away. She went up the staircase. Under
her feet it creaked, unstable and dangerous. She stopped, closed
her eyes, tasted tinned salmon and heard the haunting call of a
shamishen. A mouth was running kisses down her spine. Kiss me
one more time. Don’t slip away so quickly. Everything without you is
agony. She opened her eyes. He must vacate his throne, this God
of Sensuality, and return her heart to health.
In the distance the fishermen were coming in; little faraway
figures. Their women were waiting, their fires already lit.
Hardworking, blessed people. She stood there for hours while
they cooked their fish, ate, packed their things and left. The sun
was setting and the house began to fill with hostile shadows. All
the people who had been murdered in the basement while she
made love upstairs rose up pointing and unforgiving. She became
frightened. She knew she would never again be able to live there.
The wind whistled eerily through the shattered glass. Some small
animal wept. She ran blindly.
The driver was sitting on a stone by the car. He had eaten some
fish; the bones were by his feet. He stood when he saw her, but
she held her hand up and he resumed his seat. She walked to the
beach. Her husband had left without her. She was standing at
the water’s edge, one hand shading her eyes, looking out to the
horizon when she heard the sound of a Jeep. She turned, her heart
leaping. Why, he had come back for her, the owner of a ruined
palace.
He was holding a long flat box in his hand, and was dressed
in the way he had been when she had first seen him. Formal,
proud, a General. He stood still watching her, her sari fluttering
around her, the way a kimono never would. And she knew he was
committing her to memory. Because of course he had not come to
take her away or stay. This was goodbye.
She took a step forward and he began walking towards her, one
arm swinging loosely beside his body, but his steps were slow and
tired. He was prolonging the moment.
She stopped. She was suddenly too exhausted to make the journey.
Let him come when he would. So many lonely nights waited with
her. A cold wind blew from the sea, and she hugged herself. He took
off his cap and stood before her. She gazed up into that destroyed
face. The war, the war, he had lost more than the war.
‘You found the heart to leave me?’ But she didn’t say it.
‘They told me you would be here,’ he said. His jaw was clenched.
Her mouth dropped at the corners; but he understood it to be a
smile. ‘Will you be all right?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘Will you?’
‘Yes, I think so.’
But when she saw how uselessly he was looking down at her she
pushed her face desperately into his chest. She felt the metal in his
uniform digging into her cheek. He smelled different too. Musk –
fear. For the uncertain future. For the change. For the loss of face.
A fate worse than death. In his dreams he had taken his hand and
the dagger under the trailing sleeve into his own body. This was
defeat and yet, this new way of thinking said, it was braver still
to face another day, and the punishment that was coming. And
when he opened his mouth to speak, it was not about desperation
or loss, but hope. ‘I’ll come back for you, Sakura. I promise. Will
you wait for me?’
‘I will wait at the shop until the day you come,’ she promised,
though Kasu Marimuthu’s words were ringing in her ears. ‘Sell the
shop. It will ruin you.’
out the umbrella and holding it away from her, studied its pattern.
Cherry blossoms. She held it over her head. He was not coming
back, not just yet. But one day. He had promised, and he was a
man who kept his word.
She peeped out from behind the umbrella and saw some old
newspapers half-buried in the sand. Dusting the sand off them,
she used them to wrap up her gift. Even now there was the danger
that someone would see and say, ‘So: it was you.’
Her hand went towards two envelopes tucked into her blouse.
One was from Samuel West, but the infatuation with Europe
was truly over. She tore that into small pieces, which the wind
bore away even before they touched the ground. The other was
from home. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t be good news. Dully, she
beheld her brother’s untidy scrawl on the cheap blue envelope.
Later, she thought, and put it back into her blouse.
Then she went to the swing and lunged into the sky, every
backward tug at the ropes taking her higher and higher while
around her the shadows grew longer and longer.
True love knows how to wait.
He stared at the girl swaying towards him. Her hair was cropped
close to her head, but she had decorated it with a surfeit of combs
and cheap jewelled ornaments. And it is true that a frock is a frock
is a frock, that is, until a twelve-year-old girl in her mother’s high-
heels gets in it, and holds it up with a couple of safety pins, then
it becomes the slipping, sliding cloth of Jezebel herself. In her
beautiful face her mouth stood out pouting and scarlet.
That there should have been more censorship and control in
her dress and manner was plain to see from the stares she was
attracting, but the youth understood; the war was over, the Japs
were gone, and she was luxuriating in the femininity she had been
denied for four long years.
As she neared, her eyes flicked down his person briefly,
contemptuously, and finding nothing worthy of interest, slid
away to resume their focus on some wonderful point ahead.
When she had passed him by, chewing gum like an American, he
turned and gazed longingly at her retreating hips. Her disdain,
he knew, was real. Nevertheless, she had looked at him. She had
actually looked at him. Her eyes had lain upon his person. And
that was enough, for the youth was impossibly smitten with
her, had been from the first time he saw her, a child in school,
tumbling down from the top of a human pyramid on Sports
Day. He was a senior then. As he watched her fall, it was as if
someone had called from the outer reaches of his vision, ‘Colour,
lights, music.’
And though he made it his business to listen to gossip about her
family, and followed her from a distance, it was always without
hope; always she had remained out of his reach, the great Kasu
Marimuthu’s daughter. But that was before the war. The war had
changed things and now, one could say, the girl was almost within
his grasp. He should go and see the beautiful, reclusive widow,
once known as Rolls Royce Mami and now simply called Kadai
(Shop) Mami. He had heard that she had not cut her hair since
the day her husband died and it was floor length. Once or twice
he had glimpsed her at the upstairs window. One day, perhaps not
that day or the day after, but one day he would sit before her. To
ask for the girl’s hand. Until then he would wait. His love was not
transient, amorphous or passing.
True love knew how to wait.
Somewhere along the street a lone Gurkha soldier had
appreciated her defiance and started clapping. Another pair of
hands soon joined his. The girl-woman flushed, smiled and tilted
her chin that bit higher. Others followed. More burst further on,
until the entire street was clapping.
Parvathi stood from her chair and went to the window to see
what the commotion was about. Ah, Rubini. She smiled sadly.
Life was changing day by day. She had not yet told her daughter
that all the title deeds to the numerous tracts of land her father
owned were lost in the fire, and the copies held by her father’s
solicitor were who knows where. The man was dead, beheaded,
and all his records carted away when the Japanese found a radio
in his office. Since she was clueless as to where all the lands were,
it was impossible to locate them, especially the ones overseas. It
seemed almost impossible that such a thing could happen – that
she owned land to which she could not lay claim, because she did
not know where they were.
Another solicitor she contacted agreed that such was the case
and added that much land lay unclaimed in this way. He predicted
that when enough time had lapsed, the Government would reclaim
it all. He could only urge her to try harder to remember where her
husband’s properties were. Parvathi did not need to try. She had
never known. The only one she knew of was the rubber estate
in Malacca that her husband had told her about, and that only
because he wanted them to shelter there if ever there was trouble
in Adari. Her husband had never taken her into his confidence in
financial or business matters. To him she had always remained the
uneducated peasant girl.
Parvathi went back to her chair and reread her eldest brother’s
letter. She was not – and the word was underlined twice – to sell
the shop. He was coming to help her run it. She understood what
‘help’ entailed and knew she should have written to tell him that
her husband had left strict instructions for her to sell the shop. But
what then, of her promise to Hattori. Never mind. Let him come.
Let him take. What would it matter? He was family and she had
more than she or her children needed.
When Parvathi announded that her brother was coming to take
charge of the shop Maya said, ‘Who can tell how much water the
frog in the well will drink?’
even made comments. But they were growing away from her,
especially Kuberan, and there was nothing she could do about
it. So time passed outside the window of that little flat, hardly
touching her life.
Parvathi stood at the window and remembered the first days after
Hattori had left when she had lain on her narrow bed, bereft and
without any thought but loss, afraid even to fall asleep, fearful that
Rubini would, like that one time, shake her awake with questions she
didn’t want to answer. ‘Who is Hattori? Why are you calling for him?’
‘An old friend of your father’s,’ she had answered immediately,
even dazed and half-asleep. And that unsuspected, instinctive
cunning made her heart ache.
Until the morning Maya came to sit on her bed.
‘Love is a splendorous thing,’ she said. ‘We come again and
again to taste its glory, and too often we forget that we are just
passing through. Nothing can last for ever. Tragedies will come to
knock on all our doors, but the successful remember it is only a
guest. Even jagged glass will not cut if you don’t travel right to its
edge. Love, any love, no matter how long it lasts, is a gift. What if
I said I can make your pain disappear, but in exchange, you must
be willing to give up all your memories of him?’
Parvathi had sat up slowly, frowning. ‘There is no moment I
want undone. All of it is precious. I can give up nothing.’ And she
rose from her bed, and they went down to the kitchen where they
separated a sack of hibiscus flowers from their stems and mixed
them with honey and lime juice.
‘Ama!’ the boy who helped in the shop called up the stairs.
She turned away from the window. ‘Yes, Krishna?’
‘The school Headmaster is downstairs. He wants to see you.’
Parvathi frowned. ‘Show him up,’ she said.
‘Yes, Ama,’ he said. She adjusted her sari, switched on the
landing light and waited. The Headmaster negotiated the steep
‘Yesterday afternoon.’
She thought of her son at dinner the night before, his behaviour
in no way altered. Pressing her lips together for composure, she
rose to her feet. ‘I want to thank you sincerely for all you have
done. I appreciate your coming here. My husband always said,
“He’s a fine man, that Thuraisingam.” ’
The Headmaster stood regretfully. Truly, how such a fine
set of parents could have spawned a boy like him, he would
never know. ‘Coming from your late husband, that is a great
compliment. I also want you to know that this matter has been
and will be, treated with utmost discretion on my part. Goodbye,
Mrs Marimuthu.’
She did not extend her hand in a handshake or accompany him
to the top of the stairs, but stood hugging herself, so shocked that
her mind had gone blank. As soon as his footsteps died away she
heard her brother’s leather sandals, two sizes too big for him, slap
up the stairs. She closed her eyes desperately. Oh! not now, not
when she was so low, so exposed! She took a deep breath and sank
back into the chair behind her.
Her brother put his head in the door. ‘What did the Headmaster
want?’
‘He came to tell me that he has to expel Kuberan.’
‘What?’ Her brother came fully into the room. His eyes were
round. ‘Why?’
‘There was some trouble with a girl.’
‘What sort of trouble? Did he get her pregnant?’
‘No, no, it didn’t get that far.’
‘So what’s the problem then?’
She covered her throat with her hand and wiped her lower
face. He was still staring at her curiously and she remembered the
comment that Maya had made the first moment she laid eyes on
him, ‘I know his type,’ she said. ‘ “I’ll bring back gold,” he has told
his wife.’
‘Look,’ Parvathi said distractedly. ‘I . . . I’m a bit tired now. Can
we talk later please?’
‘Where is that boy now?’
and that self-righteous fool imagine she was doing at the back of the
tuck shop with her blouse off when we were so rudely interrupted?
And to be perfectly frank she gave every indication of enjoying it
just as much as me, well, at least until the last bit when she wanted to
stop and I didn’t. I’m afraid I couldn’t quite appreciate her modesty
at that stage of the game. But never mind . . .’
‘Never mind? You’re getting kicked out of school, Kuberan!’
‘No loss that, surely? Schools are for breeding reliable employees
and I don’t intend to be one. And anyway, I thought the Head’s
home-tutoring idea a rather sound one. After which I could read
law in England.’
‘Read law in England? What madness is this? We can’t afford
that. Not now, anyway.’
‘We could, if we used the sixty thousand pounds in Coutts.’
She had a flashback of the three of them, Rubini, Kuberan
and herself trooping into the study to huddle before the lawyer.
Kuberan was still in shorts then, not even five. It seemed a lifetime
ago. She remembered his eyes, so enormous, so innocent as
he stared gravely at the lawyer reading out what seemed to her
complicated legal jargon that made up Kasu Marimuthu’s will. It
had never occurred to her that her son had not only understood
but had found use for the information.
‘Is it a deal?’
Parvathi looked at her son. ‘And during this period of home
tutoring, can I trust you to behave?’
He laughed easily. ‘Well, that’s a new word for it.’
She looked at him and wondered at the instinct in her son that
pushed him to pour scorn on, and find the fatal flaw in, absolutely
everything. Was it just to see how far he could go?
‘All right, yes, I will . . . behave.’
‘You know you will have to obtain the kind of grades necessary
to enter a British university?’
‘Could have done without you saying that, but . . . yes.’
‘Don’t let me down again.’
‘You won’t regret this, Mother,’ he said, and tumbling forward
like a huge, clumsy puppy, hugged her. She was so startled by the
Mami’s son, who had also been accepted by the same institution
he had applied to.
‘I’ll drop you a postcard when I get there,’ Kuberan called
cheerfully from the taxi.
Parvathi stood abruptly. ‘It was so nice of you to drop by, but
I’ve just remembered that I promised to go to a friend’s house.’
Kundi Mami stared at her, open-mouthed with astonishment,
and then she lifted her posterior, that the years seemed to have
made more imposing still, off her host’s chair. Trembling with
humiliation and rage she stalked to the door. She knew Parvathi
had no prior appointment. Everyone knew that she never left the
shop house any more.
Parvathi went downstairs into the kitchen. The radio was on and
Maya was kneading chapatti dough. She searched Maya’s face
to gauge if she had heard anything, but the woman only smiled
blandly and asked, ‘Has your guest already gone?’
‘Yes.’ Parvathi looked around the spotless kitchen. ‘I’ve decided
that from now on we are going to cook together.’
Maya stilled her pressing and pulling, and looked at her
employer fully. ‘I like being your servant. It is my pleasure to serve
you. It hurts some people’s pride to admit it, but we are all here
to serve. From the meanest servant to the most illustrious king,
at one level or another, we are all serving someone. Please don’t
change anything between us because of what that lady said.’
‘You heard, then.’
‘It was impossible not to.’
‘I’m so sorry. She’s just like that, mean about the mouth. Please
don’t feel bad.’
‘Why should I? Women like her are a gift: they hold in their
hands the keys to heaven. Although at first glance it may seem
they are our enemies, in reality, they have undertaken to provide
us with valuable opportunities to be gentle and patient. To act with
love. They do this at great cost to themselves – all the tears I cry
she will wipe from her own eyes. It is the law of the universe that
as you stretch your hand to give to another, you give to yourself. If
today she happens to look askance at me, tomorrow, the day after,
the following year, or a decade later, when even she has forgotten
she once did the same, she will endure an equally disparaging
sideways glance.’
‘But I get so angry when anyone condescends to you.’
‘I once worked in a doll factory. First they make the soft cloth
body and then they sew in the delicate porcelain feet and hands.
The hair goes on after the faces have been painted and attached.
Afterwards they clothe it, and it is ready. If you think about it,
we’re the same. Step by step we are being refined. All of us are
at different stages of perfection. Are you better than your friend
because she has not yet her hair and you do? Don’t ever despise
or judge anyone. The condition of being human is hard, but here’s
the really nice bit – no one ever falls by the wayside. All will make
it to perfection. God doesn’t love me any better than he does you
or her. We are all his children.’
Maya went back to kneading and after a while Parvathi said,
‘What are you thinking about now?’
Maya smiled broadly. ‘Actually, I was wondering what you
would like to have with your chapatti tonight. Lentils or deep fried
potatoes curried with those tinned peas.
‘Potato with tinned peas, I think.’
‘I agree,’ Maya said, and they smiled at each other, and in their
smile was a deathless love that was already centuries old.
Out in the front, Parvathi’s second brother was sitting at the till gazing
out into the street. He had already taken much more than the other
had dared, but he wanted still more. He was aware he was running
the shop into the ground, but he didn’t care. As a representative of
his father and in order to put the shop back into order he would insist
that Parvathi sell the rubber plantation in Malacca.
At first Parvathi was reluctant. ‘It belongs to the children,’ she
said.
Then her father wrote to her, ordering her to sell it.
She sold it.
‘Why would you let them finish all that Papa left for us?’ Rubini
asked resentfully
Parvathi shook her head. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘but I cannot
disobey my father.’
It was a week before her second brother was due to go home
and her third brother due to arrive, when she heard through the
grapevine that her son had married a white woman. Shocked, for
he had never mentioned it, she wrote to ask him. He replied on a
postcard.
Your source is giving out old news, he wrote. The wife’s gone and
good riddance, I say.
She went to look for Maya, who was stirring something in a
black cauldron.
‘Ah, there you are,’ she said to Parvathi. ‘You can help. Bring
me those herbs. It looked like we might have a hot day today so I
thought I’d prepare these for drying later.’
Parvathi dropped the herbs in handfuls into the boiling milk.
‘It’s true, Maya. He got married without telling me.’
‘Hmmm . . .’ said Maya, but her eyes were endless wells of
compassion.
crown of his head, before pouring down his body, penetrating his
skin, entering his flesh, his blood, his bones; blessing, instructing,
changing him for ever.
By the time they left, it was already light, and the jungle was full of
sounds again. Kupu sat up slowly. His heart was beating erratically,
but he felt no fear. They had asked him to restore the silver bowls
and rebuild the temple over them. He frowned. Their purpose was
obscure to him. Perhaps they had not told him, or perhaps they
had, and he had simply forgotten. He looked around him. The
world was exactly as it had been before the spheres of light had
come to him, and he could only remember the celestial beings
as one does a marvellous dream, but as he looked at the piles of
rubble, he was startled to realise that he knew exactly where each
and every stone had to be placed to rebuild the temple. It had to
be constructed to new specifications, since the old ways could
no longer be understood by humans; not while they were awake,
anyway. And in the place of the communicating stone a deity that
the human mind could identify with had to be installed. In his
mind the image of the deity stood crystal clear.
From a small leather pouch tied to his waist, he extracted the
pearl. Putting its butter-coloured body in the palm of his left hand,
he stroked it and thought again of she who had given him such a
treasure. Instantly, that time he had spied on her dancing under
the glittering chandeliers with the Japanese General came back.
He had been afraid of being discovered, but he had gone as close
to the French doors as he dared, and stared mesmerised as, totally
absorbed in each other, they circled the vast ballroom.
Usually, he relished living off the land, using only his skill
and instinct to provide for himself in his lonely solitude, but the
memory of her with the other made him feel as if he had taken a
wrong turn. He had never understood why he did not respond to
her that time in the jungle when every cell in his body had bade
him to, but he had stood immobile, his expression hidden, and
allowed her to slip out of his grasp. Now, he felt the need to call
out to her, to actually hear his own voice say her name.
or hinder him. Even when his hands became numb and raw he
did not stop. They moved of their own accord, tirelessly, without
hesitation or doubt. As his creation grew taller he stood on a stone
and carried on with his labour until it towered over him.
He stepped off the stone, and with his spine and arms aching,
backed away from his work. There was still paint to be applied.
He knew where the fruit, leaf, sap, and insects that needed to be
hunted and crushed to make the colours were, but he would hunt
for those later.
When he was far enough away and could see his creation in all
its lamplit splendour he fell to his knees and gazed at his deity with
awe. He was no artist, but glowing radiantly and rising taller than
any idol he had seen was the exact vision the angels had revealed
to him. There was a slithering sound in the bushes nearby; he paid
it no attention. Clasping his hands together, he bent his head and
began to pray fervently at the miracle before him.
at any time, for any reason at all, she changes her mind, will you
remember me?’
She wondered if he was a little mad. No, just bookish, probably
a bore too. ‘All right,’ she said, just to get rid of him.
He went. But every month, he sent flowers and chocolates for
Rubini, which she, of course, completely ignored. Once Parvathi
asked her about him and Rubini lifted her chin proudly and in her
snootiest voice denounced him an idiot. ‘I despise him,’ she said.
‘As if I would ever marry someone like him. The cheek to even ask!’
And all the while proposals came and as quickly went, but just when
Parvathi was beginning to despair, a doctor appeared: tall, handsome,
fair, and with it all, lashes so long and sooty that they seemed to rest on
his cheeks when he looked down, which was often. In fact, he hardly
spoke during the time he was in their sitting room, but he seemed to
Parvathi, to be a good, well-brought-up boy. He was still doing his
internship in Johor, but since he would be finished before the wedding,
it was decided that the couple should move to Kuala Lumpur and live
in the house Kasu Marimuthu had left for Rubini.
It became impractical, and a cause for talk, if Parvathi, a widow
alone, remained in Kuantan. She sold the shop and used the
money to buy a three-bedroom terrace house in Kuala Lumpur
on the next road to Rubini’s beautiful custom-built two-storey
house. The new owners of the shop had promised to send her mail
on, but Parvathi experienced such a sense of despair as she closed
the door of the flat for the last time, that she found it impossible to
answer a question the taxi driver directed at her.
However, by the time she walked through the folding doors of
her new home her body, at least, was calm and resigned. It was
not a bad house. There was the living room in the front, and in the
middle, an air-well to let in the light; a good place for Maya to dry
the ingredients for her medicines. A corridor beside it led off to its
three bedrooms. She took the one closest to the sitting room and
Maya the one closest to the kitchen. The women settled in quickly
and began preparations for the big wedding. The most auspicious
time was calculated: 15th February at 2 a.m. Eight hundred people
were invited to witness Kasu Marimuthu’s daughter get married.
A thing of great beauty and expense, the bridal sari had been
crafted especially and then hand-carried from India. Months of
preparation came together in a great hall full of people. In a small
room at the back, Rubini sat surrounded by the usual clutch of
women fussing over her attire. It was 1.30 a.m when Parvathi
walked in and asked everyone to leave for a minute. Rubini looked
up into her stepmother’s eyes and something inside her shrank
back in fear.
The handsome nice boy was a spineless coward who had finally,
one hour before his wedding, decided to confess that he was
already married, secretly, to a Malay woman. He had a Moslem
name and a baby boy. Rubini put her head down and remained
so for a long moment. When she emerged, she was a different
person. Pushing aside a curl from her pale face she asked in a
flat, listless voice, ‘That flowers and chocolate boy, he lives around
here now, doesn’t he?’
‘Yes,’ Parvathi said with a frown. ‘I think he shares a house in
Brickfields with a few other bachelors. Why do you ask?’
‘Send word to him that if he will still have me, he can take the
place of my bridegroom.’
‘What? You despise the man. You don’t even know his name.’
Rubini fingered a bead on her costume. ‘What is his name?’
‘His name is Bala, but this . . . is unnecessary. We will find you
someone else. You are young and beautiful. There will be many
others.’
Rubini raised her eyes. They were large and dead. She shook
her head slowly, implacably. The loose curl bounced against the
curve of her cheek. ‘I will marry him or no one else,’ she said
one day, you’ll look ahead and see that the thorns are no more and
the road runs straight into a rainbow.’
Robbed of words, he stared at her.
‘Be good to her.’
He nodded.
‘Well then, go,’ Maya smiled, ‘your great dream awaits.’
Bala grinned.
at his bride. No one had ever seen her more beautiful or more
glorious. Her eyes remained demurely downcast until she arrived
at the marriage dais when she raised them to him. There was
nothing shy or flirtatious in those dead depths, however, and he
felt his palms go cold and clammy.
She took the place vacated by her brother, and Bala caught a
whiff of her perfume. It smelled expensive. It made him think,
and he couldn’t think why, as he had never been there, of Paris.
He placed his eyes on her hennaed hands and fingers as they lay
limp in her lap until it was time for him to tie the thali around
her neck.
Once more he was disconcerted by her still eyes boring
expressionlessly into his. His hands shook and he dropped one end
of the chain. The curious eyes of the matronly woman standing
behind them met his nervous ones. He smiled shakily at her.
Dipping her hand into the back of the bride’s blouse, she found
the end and placed it into his hand. Thankfully, he managed to
screw the thali without further incident. Rubini turned her eyes
away listlessly as rice rained upon them.
After that, everything blurred into relatives, friends and well-
wishers. He could hardly remember any of it. And then the
newly married pair were driven to their new home in Bangsar.
He wandered through rooms decorated in a Western style and
thought of the bare room he shared with another teacher.
Eventually, he found himself tapping softly on the door of the
master bedroom, waiting and then entering although there had
been no encouragement to go within. His bride was sitting on the
edge of a decorated bed. She had changed into a soft nightdress
that seemed to be entirely made of little lace flowers. She stared
mutely up at him. For a moment he stared back, at a loss. This was
not the girl he knew. That girl was fire and passion; this one was
ice and stone. Nevertheless, he went to her.
‘Are you all right?’
The ice maiden nodded.
‘Are you tired?’
She shook her head.
felt his chest become wet. The wetness trickling down, spreading,
becoming a hot dampness between their joined flesh. She cried
without sound or movement. He held her for a long time, even
after her body had exhausted itself and sagged against him in
sleep. His hands began to ache, but every time he thought of
laying her down he remembered that this was almost certainly the
last time, and he held on until day began to break through the slits
in the curtain.
Finally, reluctantly, he laid her down, and stood looking at her,
open, vulnerable, bruised and heartbreakingly beautiful. His heart
swelled in his chest until he could hardly bear it. He must not fail
her. He would, he must, return her to the awe-inspiring creature
that had once caused an entire street to burst into spontaneous
applause. He bent down and kissed her hair lingeringly. She
did not stir. He placed little butterfly kisses on her eyelids, her
forehead, and very, very gently on her slightly parted lips. Still she
moved not. He straightened. He had trodden on his first thorn,
and it was bearable.
‘Sleep well, Mrs Bala,’ he said, and switching off the light,
left. He dressed quickly in another room. His last-minute role as
bridegroom meant that he had not been able to book any leave
and he had to go to work. Downstairs, next to the telephone,
he left a short message and, in the event of an emergency, the
school’s phone number. It was still not fully light when he
opened the front door and found the cleaning lady sitting on the
steps, waiting to be let in. Unwilling to shatter the morning quiet
he pushed his motorbike out to the road before he started the
engine. He could not subject his wife to the indignity of hanging
on to the back seat of a motorbike. He had some savings. He
would buy a car.
With the brisk morning air in his face, he did what he had not
done since he was a teenager. He raised both arms high over his
head so the cold wind rushed into his entire length, and laughed
with the great joy of being alive. What a wonderful, magical thing
was life.
* * *
live. There is one that I really feel sorry for. She’s just a baby, but
no one will adopt her because there’s something wrong with her
foot. I can’t imagine how anyone could give a child away, let alone
such an adorable one as her.’
‘Why don’t you adopt her?’
Rubini shrank back with the suggestion. ‘Oh, no, no, that would
be too much responsibility.’
Maya spoke into the silence. ‘Since you’ll be busy during the
day, I will cook a little extra for you and Bala too.’
‘No, it’s only for a few hours a day. I think I can manage. Besides,
Bala really loves my cooking. This is delicious, Maya.’
News came that Kupu had passed away, and with it a letter
for Parvathi. She looked at the grubby, unaddressed envelope,
touched the fingermarks on it and wondered if they were his.
She did not open it immediately, but laid it on her altar, and all
day long as she went about her business, felt a vague pleasure
thinking of it, waiting for her. It was as if he himself, full of sweet
goodwill, awaited her. Finally, when everyone was asleep she took
her sorrow in her hand.
The letter was a page from an exercise book. He must have
used a sharpened twig to write. She studied the muddy ink. Not
ink, she realised as she looked closer, but blood. An animal’s? His?
It took her a long time to make out the words – the writing was
that of a child, a thick, spidery scrawl, difficult to decipher, and
the spelling was appalling – but how amazing that the man could
actually write. She had never guessed. But then, she had only seen
a sixth of him, if that. There was so much more.
Parvathi,
My Goddess is calling. I am utterly spent, but I wanted you to
know that while I lie here alternately burning and shivering I long
only for the sound of your voice. To hear it one last time before I
leave. I wonder, is it still like the first rays of sunlight that filter
through the leaves? Be sure to visit my temple quickly, for it is not
built to last. It will be a relief to let the fever win this time.
Kupu
The jungle was much receded and there were signs directing
visitors to the temple. A high brick wall enclosed it, so it was a
shock to walk through its gates. To think that Kupu the honey
collector and cowherd could have constructed such a fine edifice.
And what could he have meant by saying it would not last? It
looked exceptionally solid, the stones so beautifully fitted together
into their new shape that it was impossible to imagine they had
been part of a different structure before.
Parvathi climbed the low steps and walked through an open
space towards an inner vestibule and there found his god. A six-
foot rearing cobra sitting on its coiled body, and framed inside its
open hood a human face.
‘ “Sri Nagawati”,’ Rubini read aloud the inscription at the top
of the entrance to the Snake Goddess’s antechamber, before
wandering off towards the ancient tree where the Siamang family
had once lived. But there were no more Siamangs now. At the
bottom of the tree lay many votive offerings of milk and eggs and
dolls, from people praying for fertility.
Parvathi frowned at the goddess. There was something very
familiar about her face, and then it struck her: that was her face,
the same long neck, widely spaced eyes, even down to the blue
stone nose stud. Shocked, she turned to look at Maya and saw that
the likeness had not escaped her.
‘Has Kupu fooled everyone with a false goddess?’ she asked.
‘Hush, child,’ Maya chided, and looked meaningfully in Rubini’s
direction. She made a small beckoning motion with her arm and
Parvathi followed her to one of the many pillars that had been
built with the white stones from the original tower. She plucked
a strand of hair from her scalp and proved that the stones were
so precisely fitted together that her hair could not enter the crack.
She tried again in another place. And another. With the same
results. She turned to Parvathi. ‘Do you really imagine that Kupu
could have accomplished this on his own?’ she asked.
Parvathi shook her head slowly.
‘Exactly. Everything he saw and experienced happened, but
remember, the marvellous must co-exist with the ordinary. It
‘Right,’ said Bala briskly, ‘let’s start with the easiest, Kupu’s torch-
waving figures. As Maya and you had already established, the
entire area was criss-crossed with energy lines, and a well-known
phenomenon of several lines meeting at one point is the capturing
of images of a person or persons, objects, or events, as a hologram
which automatically repeats. In this case, the ritual gathering of
the original builders or users of the tower temple.
‘The other explanation is as simple as a visual hallucinatory
experience. Apparently these places of geomagnetic anomalies
emit radio frequencies, or microwave energies that penetrate into
deep brain space and interact with the brain’s nerve cells causing
powerful hallucinatory images. Hearing one’s name called is a
common sub-clinical effect of electrical surges in the brain. Both
music and sound, especially a constant rhythmic noise, like the
trickle of water in a cave, or a repeated sound echoing in a hollow
place, have that ability. Remember, Kupu had been listening to
the wind in the wind-shafts. Did you not yourself hear that same
sound during a windstorm?’
Parvathi nodded slowly.
‘Good. Now for the matter of Kupu seeing his body asleep
on the stone bed. That is called the “ecsomatic” state of mind,
or in simple language, an out-of-body experience, regularly
practised by monks and shamans but which can sometimes occur
accidentally to ordinary people like you and me, just before falling
asleep, or upon first awakening. In Kupu’s case it was a most
likely possibility, since he spent a great deal of time in that high
magnetic field where strong eddy currents would have constantly
stimulated his parietal lobe.
God”. The most famous, of course, being the Oracle at the Temple
of Delphi. All right, I’m done. What was it you wanted to say just
now?’
Parvathi opened her mouth and shut it again. Sometimes the
best answer was silence.
an adversary after all this time. Still, Parvathi could hardly blame
her. She bore it well, but it must be an intolerable indignity, sitting
beside her husband’s ‘comfort woman’. Why had the doll come?
Perhaps, for this. To watch the pain she could cause the other.
‘At first, I wanted to throw it away. I hated him for what he had
done, but I couldn’t turn away from it. And the longer it stayed
in the cupboard, the more it haunted me. I wanted to see you,
the woman who had made him look like that. Now that I know,
I can go back in peace.’ With those words she stood and left, her
wooden shoes making a dull, lonely sound.
Outside, waves of heat came off the tarmac and hit Parvathi in
the face. She walked blindly until a man drinking cheap whisky
directly from a bottle at a bus stop caught her attention. People
were standing a little apart from him and looking at him with
disgust, but he seemed not to care. She wondered why he needed
to drink at noon. Perhaps he had suffered a blow. As she had. She
watched his flushed glistening face and thought of Hattori, and of
all the things they did not say to each other.
Then, as now, she wished he had not been so complicated,
that generations of silence had not made it impossible for him to
show emotion or vulnerability. Only when it became completely
unfeasible for him to hold them back, he turned to the bottle.
Even love was that for him. Something that had to slip past the
iron doors of his soul when he was inebriated.
The man’s drifting unfocused eyes crossed with hers. There
was pain there. He called out to her, something garbled, and she
looked away and quickened her pace.
When she reached Bangsar she walked into a pub. It was dim.
There was only one person inside, an old Indian man sitting in
a corner reading a newspaper. The barman, a Chinese boy with
spiky hair, looked enquiringly at her. He assumed she had entered
to ask for directions. What would a woman like her want in a pub?
She ordered a whisky.
He served her without changing expression. She looked at the
single shot he had poured with the help of a measure. In her mind
she saw a less yellow, creamier hand pour without measure, with
generosity, and suddenly she felt old and lost. He is gone, she
thought. That moment is gone for ever.
‘Some more, please,’ she murmured.
The boy didn’t blink an eye. Without the help of his measuring
thimble he filled up her glass. She looked into the black eyes of
that spiky-haired boy who could not have possibly known of her
pain, and smiled gratefully. They had nothing in common, but that
afternoon while his boss was not watching he proved what Maya
had once said: ‘We are all connected.Whenever you see a tragedy that
has happened to another, take it that it has happened to you. For we are
all cells of the same body. Know that not a single cell in your body can
die without the express permission of the entire body.’
That afternoon, the boy was part of the healthy body looking at
a dying cell. Although he had given permission, some part of him
suffered at the destruction.
The house was deserted when she arrived home. She went into
her room, closed the door and leaned her forehead against it for
a moment. In front of the mirror she put on the necklace. It was
dented in one place from its impact with the wall. With her fingers
gripping the edge of the dresser so hard her knuckles showed
white, she wept silently.
stared into the speckled glass and blinked. That fleshy, debauched
man with his desperate eyes, telling of bad money troubles, loan
shark deals gone bad, that embezzler of company funds, surely
that was not him.
A criminal.
An ugly cry rose unplanned from the depths of him, and
reaching for the iron poker hanging next to the fireplace, he swung
it violently at the glass. The woman was so rudely shaken out of
her sleep that she bolted upright and looked around in terror.
When she saw what he had done she leaped out of the bed and
flew at him, her eyes red and furious and her mouth screaming
abuse. She was soon upon him.
Without thinking, he raised the poker and brought it down
hard on her head. She dropped into a sitting position, stayed that
way for a few seconds, and then collapsed sideways. There was
no blood at all. He watched her crumpled, naked body with mild
surprise. Her brown eyes were still open. How easily it had come
to him. The only other time was with the chick in the nest and that
was only because he knew his father was watching.
He looked at himself in the fragmented mirror. A murderer.
Calmly, he redid a button on his shirt that had come undone, and
left. He saw no one in the hallway, or the cobbled, private mews
outside. He walked for a long time until he came upon the Odeon
Cinema, and suddenly he remembered the cinema opposite
their provision shop. He sat on its steps and, holding his hurting
stomach, felt the tears begin to roll down his face. The party was
over. There was only one option left.
1967
‘You know he is coming back here to die, don’t you, Da?’ Maya
asked quietly.
‘Why won’t you cure him?’
‘I can hold the disease at bay for a while, but cancer is energy.
It is alive and conscious. If you had the “eyes” to see it, you would
see a grey shroud that completely covers the person while it draws
his energy out. It comes to people who, at one time or other, reject
life at some fundamental level. And it will always come back unless
that person learns to embrace life fully and return to the state of
spirit, pure joy. Joy, I must add, is not happiness. Happiness is
dependent on factors outside oneself. Joy comes from within for
no reason.’
Then Bala’s car was driving in through the open gates of the
house and Parvathi went to the door to watch her son, changed
beyond recognition, helped out of the car as if he was an old man.
When she saw him lean, exhausted, against the side of the car, she
ran to her room and brought out her husband’s old silver cane.
Kuberan took it from her and shook his head in wonder. ‘You kept
it all these years.’
She did not trust herself to speak.
He made to straighten, coughed, fell back to the side of the car,
and then righted himself again. Leaning on the cane, he grinned.
‘And a perfect fit too,’ he said, and she was struck suddenly by
pain. It was him. This was her son, after all. Only trapped inside
this wasted stranger.
He made it slowly to the grille gates and hit the cane softly
Kuberan set the toy on the low bedside cupboard. ‘He loved
you better though. In fact, I was always jealous of you. Might even
have hated you.’
‘I know you did, but you had both your real parents.’
‘You don’t understand. It’s not a biological thing. I adored Papa.
I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else.’ He paused.
‘Well, with the exception of one other person. Her, I love even
more than I love myself.’
Rubini’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Who is that?’
He looked at her consideringly before twisting over and from
the drawer of the bedside cupboard extracting his wallet. Its side
pocket yielded a photograph which he passed to her. She gasped,
looked up at him and said, ‘Where is—’
But he raised his right hand and said, ‘Don’t say anything. Let’s
never talk about her.’
She looked at the picture again and this time touched it lightly
with her index finger. When she gave it back to him, he tossed it
carelessly into the drawer, and a strained silence ensued. An old
man two beds away coughed long and hard, and in the corridor
children laughed and played. Kuberan turned his head to watch a
neglected widow stare forlornly out of the window.
‘Remember when you were five and Papa bought you a brand
new Jaguar for your birthday?’ Rubini said.
‘Yes, I remember,’ he said. ‘What happened to it?’
‘The Japanese requisitioned it.’
‘Of course. I’ll never forget that first day though, when those
brutes burst in. If that General had not come when he did . . .’
‘It’s funny, but I wasn’t scared that day. Maybe I was too
innocent to comprehend the full horror of what they had in mind,
or maybe it was Maya. I caught her eye and she smiled, and I
knew then that nothing could or would go wrong.’
‘Ugly bastard though, wasn’t he? Did you ever find out what
he said to Ama? For a moment she looked as if someone had
punched her in the gut.’
Rubini shrugged. ‘I never asked her.’ And then curiously, ‘Do
you really think he was that ugly?’
Kuberan fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, and
Parvathi understood for the first time that he had not come home
to spend his last days with her, but Maya. The mocking façade
was only a front. He was just a scared boy.
As she had done so many times when he was little, she moved
towards his bed, and he turned his head to gaze at her beseechingly,
asking what of her, she did not know, but she knelt by the bed and
tenderly touched his limp arm. With a jerky movement of pure
desperation he fell upon her consoling hand and sobbed like a lost
child.
‘I once heard Kamala saying that when bad people are about
to die they will start seeing black cats. I have seen three this week
alone.’
‘That’s ridiculous. This whole area is overrun with stray cats and
most of them are black. I think I might have seen five in the last
two days. Anyway, Kamala had some strange ideas. When I first
arrived in this country, she tried to convince me that strawberries
grew on trees.’
The ghost of a smile flittered across Kuberan’s face. ‘Did she
really? Good for her.’
That night, Kuberan lay in bed with his lamp extinguished and
watched the light under the door of his mother’s room. Even
after darkness had fallen under her door he lay quietly and waited
another ten minutes. Then he stood slowly so his bed did not creak
and tiptoed into the kitchen, where Maya sat alone on the floor
bottling medicine. She looked up when he came in, and nodded
in silent acknowledgement.
He pulled out a chair and sat on it, but it felt wrong to be higher
than her, so he went over to the fridge and sat on the floor with his
back against it. He stretched his thin legs out in front of him and
then respectfully shifted them so that they did not point towards
her.
‘How are you feeling today?’ she asked, glancing up briefly
from her task.
‘Today, good.’
with love for a dying pet. This innocent heart was his raw wound.
‘Yes, yes, I have,’ he whispered.
‘Then you have already known God. God is not a force from above,
but an ally of which you are a part. Whenever you act from love, you
don’t become godlike, you become God. Stop being so frightened.
Even if the table does not agree that the carpenter is his maker, the
carpenter will always consider the table his sweet creation. You are
only going home, where you will realise your true magnificence, how
vast, eternal, and powerful you really are, and how small you had to
make yourself to fit into this human body. Hold on to the knowledge
that you have come from goodness, strength and infinite beauty, and
as surely as I sit here, you will return to that again.’
Maya carried on bottling her medicine silently, and after a while
Kuberan stood up. At the door he paused and turned back. ‘When
I die, will you light the orange lamp and pray for me?’
‘Child,’ she said, ‘there will be no orange light for you, but
remember it is not I who decides where you go. We go to the places
that match our earthly vibration at the moment of our departure.
If you leave in darkness and confusion, you will stay in darkness
and confusion.’
He found his eyes full of tears, and turned away blindly. He had
died a long time ago. He knew that now.
the cows had cried when he was born and now when he was
dying, there was the sound of laughing. Suddenly he smiled, and
she recalled Maya saying the sense of hearing is the last to go and
without all the other senses, the hearing becomes so acute that you
can hear a long way off. Kuberan was sharing in the nurses’ joke.
The smile disappeared slowly, his eyelids drooping until they were
half-closed. Peaceful now. She did not try to check if there was
still breath in the boy. And she did not call the nurses. One would
appear eventually.
What she did was sit on the chair beside his bed and simply
look at him in his deep slumber. If God sends children then takes
them back again when He wishes why do you weep over it? Did he
ever belong to her? Was that wasted body even her son?
Soon a nurse happened along.
‘Hello, Auntie. Is he sleeping?’ she asked cheerfully.
‘Yes,’ Parvathi said.
The nurse looked at her motionless patient and threw a quick
backward glance at the woman sitting very still on the chair, but
Parvathi looked back at her without the least expression. Swiftly
the nurse pulled the curtains surrounding the bed, the curtain
rings rushing on metal. Professionally, she took a wrist between
her fingers. ‘I’m sorry, Auntie, but your son has passed away.’
Parvathi nodded, and the nurse pulled the sheet over his calm
head. And that was that.
Outside the hospital entrance she stopped. The sun was the
colour of ghee. A great flock of pigeons flew up and over her
head. She looked up at their flapping wings, grey, black, brown
and white, and thought they looked rather festive. She stepped out
on to the road and a car screeched to a halt. Her heart jolted. She
turned to see a red-faced Chinese man. He shouted rudely, ‘Loo
mau mati kah.’ Market Malay for, ‘Do you want to die?’
When she arrived home she avoided Maya at her afternoon clinic,
slipping instead into her son’s dim bedroom. Sitting on his bed
she went through his things. There was so little he had collected
during his lifetime. No books, a few clothes, a plastic cigarette
lighter, a comb, shaving things, odds and ends and a wallet. She
stared at the old wallet. Flattened to the shape of his body, it
brought the whole of him to her. Cautiously, she reached out, first
touching, then stroking it. She picked it up and held it against the
bare skin of her midriff. Eventually, she opened it.
There was a picture in it: Kuberan, already some dissipation
about his chin and mouth, but still terribly handsome, was carrying
a dark-haired little girl, perhaps four or five.
There was nothing of him in the girl, so white, bold and
foreign, and yet Parvathi knew without a doubt that this was her
granddaughter. She turned the photograph over, but it was blank.
Nor had he left any clues amongst the rest of his things.
Still, she was so fascinated by the discovery that her son had
left the evidence, he could so easily have destroyed it, of his secret
life for her to find (whereas she herself had already buried in
the ground all material that was connected to her furtive past),
that she did not feel hurt by his decision to exclude her from the
joyful knowledge of a granddaughter. He must have known how
it would warm her heart to learn about the child. There was little
chance she would ever know the girl, but somewhere in the world
her bloodline lived on. And because of this she forgave him his
last treachery.
Her son-in-law said, ‘Mami, your own son is dead but don’t
worry that there will be no one to light your funeral pyre. I will
send you to your God myself.’
When her daughter came to lightly touch her shoulder, she said,
‘You know Rubini, once I too could bring forth no children; until
Maya filled my body with her medicinal herbs and made it fertile.
Wouldn’t you like her to help you too?’
Rubini’s pretty cheeks turned crimson. ‘No, no, everything will
be fine on its own,’ she said, looking away quickly.
Bala rushed into the women’s house, a bulging sack slung on his
back. ‘The fighting has started,’ he panted, dropping his load on
the floor. ‘The Malays are hacking the Chinese to death in the
streets of Kampung Baru. Many have been killed and more are
expected to. Shops and houses are burning and the Riot Squad
and the military—’ He stopped suddenly and asked, ‘Where’s
Maya?’
For a few seconds Parvathi was too stunned to answer, and then
recovering herself, said, ‘She’s out at the back.’
‘Thank God. I was afraid she might be out somewhere looking
for shoots or roots. Rubini is home safe, but I just came to drop
this off.’ He jerked his head towards the sack. ‘Food provisions.
Who knows how long this rioting and killing will go on.’
‘How did all this happen so suddenly?’ Parvathi asked.
‘No one knows for sure yet. I’ll try to find out more tomorrow.
For now stay indoors and don’t open the door to anyone,’ he
cautioned before he left.
By 8 p.m. that same day, the curfew had been extended to the
whole state of Selangor, but Bala, dressed from head to toe in
black, broke it every night to dart down the street, using parked
cars and bushes as cover, to give the women unreported incidents
he had heard on the grapevine. Awful stories of machine guns
being opened into crowds of ordinary citizens, bodies floating in
the rivers, children being killed, and the morgues so full of bodies
that the newly arrived had to be put into plastic bags and hung
from ceiling hooks.
On 15th May the King proclaimed a State of National
Emergency. Parliament was suspended and the army sent out in
very gently supporting the inert face with one hand she returned
Maya back to her original position.
But when she tried to move Maya’s leg, she found her weight
impossible to shift. She brought paper towels and managed to
soak up most of the oil. Then she went out to the sitting room.
The grille gate was already locked so she pulled shut the sliding
wooden doors and bolted them. Switching off the lights she went
to the linen cupboard, where she found blankets, and spread them
out beside Maya to make a bed for herself. She touched the dead
woman’s fingers stained with the ink from indica leaves, and shook
her head. ‘So soon you went,’ she whispered, and snuggled up to
her greatest ally for the last time. ‘See, I did not cry. I’ll sleep a bit
for now. Bala will arrange everything in the morning. He’s good
like that.’
When the funeral was over Bala came to her and said, ‘Mami,
you can’t live here on your own. It’s not safe and it makes Rubini
nervous. You know how she is about you. Anyway, we’ve talked it
over and after the thirty-one days of prayers are over we want you
to come and live with us. After all, we have four empty bedrooms.’
He smiled. ‘Besides which, it would be a real pleasure to have you
with us.’
She looked into his kind eyes. Her son-in-law was like a
rock; unshakable in strength, patience and determination.
Gratitude flowed through her, warm, comforting. She knew
exactly what she could do for him. She could move into their
house and cook for him. He had been pretending to love his
wife’s inedible food for twenty years now. It was time she told
her daughter the truth and this poor man had proper meals
for a change.
‘I think I’d like to move into that storeroom you have
downstairs, and if I could, I’d like to bring Maya’s sleeping
bench with me.’
‘The storeroom?’
‘I really don’t think I could manage all those stairs every day
Bala,’ she said.
But the child moved away from her mouth, clueless as ever.
Without warning she grinned, opened her palm, and showed
a dead bee in it. Rubini felt the onslaught of incomprehensible
emotion, so strong it shocked her. She pushed herself up and
walked quickly down the dark corridor into the sunlit porch. Out
of the gate and down the road at a brisk pace.
The child would be too difficult to take care of. ‘No she
wouldn’t,’ said a voice in her head. But the extra work; it would
be unfair on her stepmother. And the little voice jeered, ‘Why
should it? Obviously you’d take care of her when you’re at home
and bring her with you to work.’ It would disrupt Bala’s peace
and quiet. ‘Liar, liar, you know he’ll love her to bits. He adores
children.’
Rubini came to an abrupt halt. ‘No,’ she said, so decisively, that
the voice knew better than to argue. She turned around and went
back to the orphanage.
Bala came into the kitchen while Parvathi was at the sink draining
the excess water from a pot of cooked rice.
‘Do you need help with that?’ he asked, moving towards her, but
she shook her head and half-twisting, saw that he was so excited
by something he could hardly contain himself. She put the hot
container down and, with her back against the draining board,
said, ‘What’s going on?’
He sank into the nearest chair distractedly. ‘Remember a long
time ago during the May 13th riots when Maya said the Indians in
this country will rise up again to make good?’
Parvathi nodded.
‘Well, though I didn’t say anything then, I was sceptical, very
sceptical, but you know what? I think she was right.’
‘Oh,’ Parvathi said, coming to sit beside him.
‘At first, I didn’t connect the different events that have been
taking place with what she said. An organisation called Hindraf
filed a class action on behalf of Malaysian Indians at the Royal
Courts of Justice in London to sue the British Government for
four trillion US dollars, that’s one million for every Malaysian
darker, so I could only see her hands and legs. She was not one of
those people with a lot of different shades on their body. She was
simply, evenly brown, and honestly, the smoothest brown I’ve ever
seen. And suddenly, I discovered that inside the poisoned chalice
is blessed wine. For the first time ever, I thought My God, brown
is so beautiful.’
Bala leaned forward passionately. ‘You’re really fair and I’ve
always loved that about you, and of course, I wouldn’t change
a single thing about you, but I know now that I was wrong.
Dark skin can be the most beautiful thing. For it tells of a heart
that has suffered prejudice and in the process become soft and
compassionate. It tells of a person who has yet to call her own skin
beautiful, someone who has to be taught when presented with a
choice to willingly choose brown, because it is no less than any
other colour. Imagine being the person to show her that. Imagine
her face when she finds out.
‘You see, I realise now that it is not the fault of other races that
we fall, but our own inferior mentality. They are just mirrors of
what we secretly feel about ourselves. A mother thinks she is
improving her child when she tells him, “Look at the Chinese, look
how successful they are. Be like them.” She doesn’t realise what
her child hears is: “You are not that. Pretend to be that because
you are not good enough as you are.”
‘But as Maya said, the Indian would one day wake up. And
that day is here. Indians came out in force knowing they could be
arrested, injured, or killed.
‘The Government have been stirring up racial hatred on purpose
in their divide and rule policy, but during the demonstration
the hurt and injured ran to the houses nearby. It was a Malay
neighbourhood, but they all helped. The Malays are not our
enemies. We can do this if we stand together.’
But Rubini covered her mouth and turned away.
‘Don’t turn away from me, Rubini. I’m not doing this just for
the downtrodden Indians, but for myself too. I need to be a part
of this change. Remember when Maya said that everybody comes
to this earth with a specific purpose to fulfil during their lifetime,
and regularly, because this blade has two sides. We wait to cut
down those who are darker then us so we can feel better again.
And we pretend to forget that, to the other races, we will always
be black.’
Parvathi remembered the time she had stood before a picture of
Lord Krishna and cried, ‘You are dark and everyone loves you. I
am dark but even my husband despises me. Why oh why couldn’t
I have been born fair?’
But Bala was so taken aback he could only stare at his wild-eyed
wife. Without warning, tears began to roll down her tense cheeks.
But his beloved didn’t cry. Not even at funerals. He blinked. She
was his heart. He could not bear tears from her.
‘It’s all right,’ he whispered softly. ‘Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I
won’t join them or attend their rallies.’
With his words her face crumpled. ‘I’m so sorry to ask this
of you, but I just couldn’t bear it if . . .’ But unable to finish her
sentence, she stood miserable and lost in the middle of the room.
Bala made a move towards her, to hold and console her, but she
flinched and rushed up the stairs. He heard her lock herself in the
bathroom and turn on the taps. Slowly, like the old man he was,
he went into the back garden. Parvathi was on the swing. He went
and sat beside her and stared ahead of him blankly. She put her
hand gently on his arm.
‘You know how she is.’
He nodded. He did not trust himself to speak.
‘You can still help the movement. I’m sure they need financial
support or administrative skills in their offices. With the kind of
knowledge you have, I’m certain you will be a far greater help
behind a desk.’
He nodded again. For a long time neither spoke, and then he said,
‘There is another reason I want to join this movement. You know
I don’t believe in bleeding trees and suchlike, but I do believe that
our religion is our right. I wanted to join the movement to expose
the unofficial temple destruction policy of our Government.’ He
paused for such a long moment and Parvathi turned to look at him.
‘Kupu’s temple was bulldozed yesterday,’ he blurted out suddenly.
‘What? How can they! That land was legally mine and I
bequeathed it to Kupu. They didn’t have the right.’
‘They said it was unlawfully acquired. Apparently the papers
were not completely in order.’
‘The original deeds were burned in the fire but I took care of
that years ago.’
‘Yes, but there is some confusion as to whether it actually fell
into the boundaries of Kasu Marimuthu’s land.’
‘I know for a fact it did. My husband was nobody’s fool. If he
said it was part of his land, then it was.’
‘Anyway, they justify their actions by arguing that as soon as it
was established that there was a find of national importance on
the property, the proper authorities should have been alerted. But
that is just an excuse. This is not the first. Thousands of temples
have been defaced, mysteriously burned down, or destroyed using
flimsy excuses. A 120-year-old temple was demolished to make
way for a police building. And seventeen years on, the site is still
vacant. Another was forcibly destroyed and relocated next to a
sewage plant. The level of disrespect is intolerable.’
Parvathi took her hand off Bala’s arm. ‘Maya once said that for
a people to be healthy they need their myths and their traditions.
They need to know that in their blood runs the intelligence and
strength of their forefathers. And this birthright gives them the
platform from which they launch themselves into the world. Both
the Chinese and Indians can boast of a long and illustrious past,
with ancestors who have come upon great inventions, founded
new religions and conquered foreign lands. The Malays do not
have this. The only way the Malay can feel superior to the other
races is to view them as Godless creatures.
‘There is much of Hinduism in the Malay culture. One look
at a Malay traditional wedding will show just how much Indian
influence has been absorbed into their traditions and customs.
Difficult to change a culture, much easier to destroy every ancient
temple that suggests this infidel past. To them such destruction is
not wrong: didn’t the Prophet command it as the duty of every
good Muslim to crush to powder every idol that stood in his path?’
Bala looked thoughtful. ‘You know me, I’m not into temples and
religion, but I’ve been aware for a long time that the authorities had
started rewriting history in the school textbooks, and emptying
out the national museum of “non-heritage artefacts”, but when
they brought down Kupu’s temple it touched me in a way nothing
else before has.’
‘Yes. Maya said that the destruction of Kupu’s temple would
bring about great change. Kupu always knew his temple would
not last, he was not meant to start a new religion – his purpose was
deeper, you see. Maybe the felling of his temple is supposed to
inspire the Indian psyche into the realisation that their culture and
ways are worthy of preservation. Perhaps instead of envying the
other races, we will finally learn to appreciate and admire our own
significance. We have been taught to hate the colour of our skin,
but we have much of value, much. This will be the beginning.’
When it grew dark Bala stood and held his hand out to his
mother-in-law. She put hers into it and together they made for the
darkening house.
Parvathi was looking up to the blue sky through the small window
of her room when Rubini knocked softly and entered. Stiffly, as if
she was wooden with moving parts, she walked up to the bed and
looked down upon the figure curled around the water bottle. It
had been a very cold night. She should have given the old woman
an extra blanket. Too late now. She did not touch the figure or cry,
but stood very straight and tall by the bed. And from her position
by the window Parvathi marvelled once more at her daughter, at
how she could be all at once magnificent and dignified, even in
grief.
After a while she went to Parvathi’s hiding-place, the one the
old woman imagined no one knew about, and brought out the
wrapped package. Placing it on the bed she began to undress her
stepmother. Carefully, lovingly, she straightened out the cooling
body. Bones, she was nothing but bones. Tears, oh! hers, fell upon
the dead woman and in the guise of wiping away those drops, she
stroked the pitifully thin body, her hand lingering on the only part
that time could not wither. And Parvathi heard her first husband’s
voice say, ‘Show me your heels.’
At the foot of the bench her daughter untied the strings of the
package. Gently, so gently, as if it was fragile tissue, she lifted
out her stepmother’s kimono. And Parvathi took great comfort
that, of all people, it should be her stepdaughter who knew her
secret. Rubini did not do a good job of dressing the dead. The
kimono, someone should have told her, needs the firm hand of a
matron or a man. But even she knew the obi was beyond her, and
did not attempt to tie it. Instead, she folded it and laid it on her
stepmother’s stomach. It did not look bad, arranged so. And then
she laid her head on the dead woman’s chest and for the first time
in her life called Parvathi, ‘Mother’.
‘Oh, Ama,’ she wept again and again, as if by so doing, she
could make up for all the years she had nearly said it, but did not
from sheer bloody-mindedness. Parvathi wanted to comfort her,
but she had no body with which to speak or touch, so she hovered
by the window uncertainly, until a voice so dear and familiar said,
‘Direct the loving thought to her temples.’ So that is what she
did. ‘I love you,’ she said, and Rubini suddenly sat up and looked
around the room. Then she touched her heart and the corners of
her lips lifted slightly.
There was a bright light shining somewhere to the left of Parvathi,
but Rubini could not see it, and she turned her gaze back to her dead
stepmother’s face. Parvathi looked into the blinding light. And there
he was. Hattori. Saying nothing, smiling. He had come back for her.
It was only a dream. But what a wonderful dream it had all been.
As she began to move towards him she could see the others
waiting further back and she knew that Maya had been right all
along. Of bliss these beings are born, in bliss they are sustained, and
to bliss they are returned. Nothing was ever lost. Not husbands or
sons or lovers.You take them all with you. Only love exists beyond
death. Now she knew. Love alone is the reason everything is
created and everything exists.
Bala walked into the room and with a great sob Rubini launched
herself into his arms. He embraced her tightly.
‘I love you,’ she sobbed. ‘I’ve loved you for years. I just didn’t
know how to say it. And I’m sorry we never made love after that
first night. I was just so afraid of losing again, of getting hurt.’
Astonished Bala kissed her hair. English roses. ‘Don’t be sorry,’
he said. ‘What I had from you was more than enough for me.’
She pulled away from him and gazed anxiously up into his dear,
lined face. ‘And I’m really sorry we never had any children, but if
you wouldn’t mind I’d like to bring home a little girl. Her name is
Leela. Her uncle kept her tied to a post for four years.’
Bala grinned. ‘This home could definitely do with a Leela in it.’
‘Thank you, my love. And I won’t stand in your way any more.
Go ahead and make the world a better place. In fact, I might even
join you,’ she said, and smiled tearfully at him.
He pulled her close to him. He had removed the last thorn from
his foot. The road ahead ran straight and unimaginably beautiful.
Parvathi turned and looked at the cassette player. For a moment
she was confused. She could not remember talking into the tapes,
but she must have, since every cassette had been taken out of
its plastic covering and used. Then she understood: they had all
gathered in Adari for a reason, Maya was the healer, Kupu was the
prophet and she was the scribe, the keeper of records. And she had
not failed in her task. She had done it, and done it well. She smiled.
Ouroborus
Every end is but a new beginning