How to Discipline Toddlers

Co-authored by Wits End Parenting

Last Updated: February 24, 2025 References

• Redirecting
|
• Establishing Consequences
|
• Using Time-Outs
|
• Being Consistent
|
• Using Positive Reinforcement
|
• Preventing Tantrums
|
• Q&A
|
• Tips
|
• Warnings

|Show more |Show less

Toddlers: they're a handful. This is the time in their life when children begin to realize that they can act independently of adults....and begin a series of tests to find out exactly how independent they can be. This can be rough on your nerves and eardrums, and stressful for your child, too. Fortunately, you can rein in their behavior without resorting to spanking, as well as instill healthy behaviors that your children can use their whole lives, making them happier, better-functioning adults.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 6:

Redirecting

1. 
   1
   Know when to redirect. Toddlers move very quickly from one feeling to the next, so if one can distract them long enough for them to forget what they’re upset about, you’ll be set. This is called redirection. Of course, the goal is not to distract them so that they never learn, but rather to help them move on from one thing to the next without getting caught in an emotional loop. However, there are some situations where redirecting is less productive. If your child has done something really bad, a strong scolding may be better.

   • For example, hitting or biting another child may require a scolding, while simply not wanting to share is certainly a good opportunity for redirection.
2. 
   2
   Explain when you can. Always explain that and why a toddler shouldn’t do something. When they do something wrong, they need to know that it’s wrong so that they don’t do it again. Don’t make a big production about explaining to them, as this can make it more difficult to redirect them. Just state it simply and help them move on.

   • For example, if your child is arguing with their sibling about sharing a toy, say: “Oh, we don’t fight with our brothers. We have to share so that everyone gets a turn. You can play with that toy later. How about you and I go play with the bubbles instead?”
   Advertisement
3. 
   3
   Change their line of thinking. If the tantrum is related to something that they think or feel, it may be possible to redirect the child by forcing them to think about something else. Manually guide their thought process by asking them questions and slowly move the questions away from what they were upset about, until eventually they forget what the original problem was.

   • For example, if you see your child hit their elbow and a meltdown is on the way, ask if they hurt their toe. Their foot. Their hand. Their belly. Move from body part to body part that you know is not hurt, forcing them to think about the “not in pain” sensations in other parts of their body.
   • Similarly, you can shift your child's attention to a new activity if they're upset about not doing what they want. Introduce the activity you want them to do, while also demonstrating it to them. You can also get their attention and encourage critical thinking by asking them questions about the activity, such as "What do you think?"
4. 
   4
   Create empathy. Another redirection method is to create empathy while moving the child away from an action. This is helpful as a life skill, as it will help them become more considerate of the consequences of their actions for others. The empathy they have does not, necessarily, have to be for a real, living creature either.

   • “Oh, don’t draw on the couch. That gets the couch dirty and the couch HATES to take a bath. You don’t want to take a bath, do you?”
   • “Aww, why are you hitting the table. That hurts the table. You don’t like it when your brother hits you, so why would you hit the table? How about we find a pot for you to hit instead?”
   • “Don’t pull the kitty’s tail, that gives him an owie. We pet the kitty gently, like this. Oh, see, the kitty loves being pet gently. Look at how happy he is. Aw, he’s so happy.”
5. 
   5
   Provide alternatives. When you redirect a child, you need to always give them something else to do. This teaches them to find other things that make them happy, rather than learning to simply sit around being upset about things they can’t have or do. This can be tricky, as sometimes toddlers can be very stubborn, so you’ll just have to know what works best for your child.

   • Save some activities that your child really enjoys for when they need to be redirected. For example, playing with playdough or blowing bubbles.
   • During times when you expect your child to get upset, bring their favorite toy or activity to distract them. For example, you could bring their favorite game along to a doctor's appointment.
6. 
   6
   Relocate the child. If they’re having a really hard time finding something else to do, try relocating the child so that they have an easier time. Take them out of the room where the thing they want is when you give them something else to do. This way they have fewer visual reminders of what they were focused on.
   Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 6:

Establishing Consequences

1. 
   1
   Know when consequences are appropriate. Generally, it’s a good idea to establish for your child that consequences exist, but you need to do so within reason. If your child has done a particular thing wrong for the first time, or they did something that was okay in one situation but wrong in this one, you should only give them a warning. They’re learning and can’t be expected to read your mind. However, if they repeat a behavior that they know isn’t allowed, consequences should be put in place.
2. 
   2
   Warn children of consequences. Before imposing consequences, warn the child that consequences are about to happen. Counting to three is less ideal, since it teaches your child that they do not need to respond to your requests immediately. Instead, tell them that consequences will happen if they do that action and if they don’t immediately stop, it’s time to put those consequences into action.
3. 
   3
   Match consequences to actions. The consequences for an action should be proportionate, appropriate and logically related to the action your child took. You do not want your child to become confused about what they did wrong or why it’s wrong. Match the consequences to their actions to help your child learn and keep you from over-reacting in frustration.

   • For example, if your child throws their dinner when they’re done eating, make them clean it up. However, if they refuse to eat their dinner, then just take it away and give them nothing (or a simple meal of whole grain or other healthy bread and a glass of water).
   • If they are fighting over a toy, take the toy away for a period of time.
   • If they refuse to put on a coat, simply let them be cold for a little while.
4. 
   4
   Get everyone on board. Everyone in your child's life, including their mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, brothers, sisters, etc. all need to follow the same rules. All family members need to know that consequences need to be put in place if the child does something wrong. You don’t want your toddler to become used to bad behaviors that they then bring back home or to other environments. This can be tough, but explain that it’s better for everyone and help give them the tools they need to put consequences in place.
   Advertisement

Method 3

Method 3 of 6:

Using Time-Outs

1. 
   1
   Use time-outs sparingly. Time-outs can work, especially for children who have a difficult time being redirected, but you should always default to helping them find a better behavior first. You should also be sure that your child is old enough to understand the concept. 2.5 or 3 is when timeouts can generally start, and an especially mature child may be able to start at 2. If they can't sit in timeout without constant supervision, they're probably too young.
2. 
   2
   Have a time-out spot. Your child should be doing timeout in a single spot that meets a number of conditions. This spot should not be a place that is used for other things, as your child with end up with negative associations with this place (so don't use their bed). The child should be alone and have nothing to play with so that the experience is negative. The final thing is subject to two schools of thought, so you'll have to experiment to see what is best for you:

   • Have your child in a room alone, where they cannot see anyone, including you.
   • Have your child where they can see others playing but where they are not allowed to participate.
3. 
   3
   Set a reasonable amount of time. Different ages perceive time differently, so you'll need to leave your child in timeout for a length of time proportionate to their age. The rule varies between 1 minute per year of age, or 1 minute + another for each year of their age (so 3 min for a 2-year-old). Decide which you think is best.
4. 
   4
   Use a timer. Having a timer so your child can tell how long they've been in timeout can help them relax (the goal of timeout) and start to behave better. You can get a cute kitchen timer, get a Time Out Pad, or make a "timer" by mixing glitter, water, and clear glue in a bottle (shake and when the glitter settles, the time-out is done).
5. 
   5
   Give explicit instructions. If you plan on telling your child to apologize or have other requirements for getting out of time out, then you need to be as explicit as you can be in your instructions. If a child thinks they are doing what needs to be done by only doing the minimum, then you will rightfully anger them by "changing the rules".

   • For example, if you tell a child to apologize, you need to tell them how to apologize. Say, "You need to look at me and tell me that you're sorry". If you just tell them to apologize and they say sorry to the wall, especially if this is a fairly new concept for them, they are in the right for being angry if you put them back in time out. Remember, they can't read your mind.
6. 
   6
   Give yourself a timeout. Let the rules apply to you too. This helps model good behavior. If you do something that you've told them not to do and they see you, let them put you in time out. This teaches them about fairness, and will make them better about sitting in time-out themselves.

   • Ask if you can be done with timeout after 30 seconds. Kids have an iffy perception of time and they'll probably relent.
   • Use this as an opportunity to teach your child that everyone makes mistakes. Explain that how you deal with your mistakes is what's important.
   Advertisement

Method 4

Method 4 of 6:

Being Consistent

1. 
   1
   Set priorities. It's easy to get really frustrated and take it out of your kids, making punishments much harsher than is perhaps appropriate. Avoid this by setting priorities, deciding ahead of time which behaviors get punished most harshly and which only result in a time-out.

   • Hitting and biting, as well as anything which could cause them serious injury are usually worthy of the more serious punishments, but you will have to decide what is best for you.
2. 
   2
   Avoid empty threats. Do not threaten your child with a punishment and then not deliver. This teaches your child not to take you or the possibility of consequences seriously. It is better not to react at all than to threaten and then not do anything.
3. 
   3
   Stand by your punishments. Don't feel bad for you child partway into a punishment and then relent. It can be hard, because you love them and you want them to be happy, but it is important for them to fully experience the punishment and not come to expect that they can manipulate your emotions into getting them out of trouble.
4. 
   4
   Don’t negotiate. Negotiating is the quick route to a habitually misbehaving and disobedient child. Just don't. They get what you give them or they get nothing. They'll learn eventually. Be strong.
5. 
   5
   Establish specific times for different behaviors. Small children will not be able to understand subtleties so try to create a consistent environment by keeping rules the same across basic situations. It is also a good idea to show them that there is a place and time for certain behaviors, so that they don't feel flat-out banned. For example, establish that it is okay to yell but only outside. Try not to add modifiers to rules such as these, since it only confuses them. Wait until they reach around age 4 before adding conditions.
   Advertisement

Method 5

Method 5 of 6:

Using Positive Reinforcement

1. 
   1
   Ignore bad behaviors. When your child does something bad, don't reward them by giving in or paying a lot of attention to them (even if that attention means yelling at them). They are trying to get your attention, so "reward" their behavior by completely ignoring them. If you can, put them where they can't see you, and at a minimum don't make eye contact with them and avoid touching them.
2. 
   2
   Tell your child when you’re happy. When your child does anything right, tell them how happy you are. Children naturally want to please you, so let it show when they do that so that they are more inclined to do that good behavior in the future.
3. 
   3
   Use praise only when appropriate. Or at least, be specific about what you’re praising. Telling your child "good job" for everything they do tends to devalue good behavior. Save really serious praise for when they've really earned it. Plus, "good girl" or "good job" mean little to children. Say it specifically, describing exactly what you love about what the child did. it.

   • Notice that telling them "Wow, you did a great job!" is very different from saying "Oh, Mommy loves it when you do that. That makes Mommy so happy."
   • It's also a good idea to specify what you are praising. You could say, "You did an excellent job putting your toys away," or "I'm proud of you for staying calm at the doctor's office."
4. 
   4
   Give them rewards for some behaviors. Sometimes rewards or other positive reinforcement may be in order. It should be used sparingly, saved mainly for occasions where it is easy or especially warranted. For example, sharing toys is worth a reward, such as a piece of candy (because this is something that is very hard for them). The same can be said of potty training.

   • Toddlers don't need much. An M&M or Smartie should do the trick.
5. 
   5
   Don’t bribe! Absolutely under no circumstances should you bribe a child into appropriate behavior. Negotiations are frowned upon, as this just teaches your child to ignore you until they get what they want, or that if they hold out long enough they can get their way. Once you let it start, it's a very difficult behavior to stop, for both of you. Stay vigilant!
6. 
   6
   Use physical contact, but not spanking. If you're struggling to get your child's attention, don't resort to spanking. This is a very ineffective technique. Instead, firmly grab an arm or take their face in your hands and make them look at you. The second is especially uncomfortable for toddlers and is much more effective than spanking (without teaching them negative lessons, like "solve problems with violence").
   Advertisement

Method 6

Method 6 of 6:

Preventing Tantrums

1. 
   1
   Teach toddlers and babies sign language. The main reason why toddlers act out is because they think crying and screaming is the best way to communicate. This is leftover from infancy, when that information was probably accurate. If you want your child to feel like there are better ways to communicate, but they possibly don't have great spoken language, (learn and then) teach them baby sign language. Start as young as you possibly can, and keep it in mind for future children. Signing teaches your child to use "words", rather than crying to get what they want.

   • Sign language does not hinder your child's ability to learn speech normally, so long as you sign and speak at the same time, but it has been proven to aid development of the language center of their brain. This will make them better with language later on in life.
2. 
   2
   Create a predictable environment. Another reason why children throw tantrums is because they are confused and can't cope with the negative feeling of disorientation. Avoid this understandable upset by creating an environment in which your toddler encounters relatively little surprise. Keep sleeping and eating schedules regular, as well as schedules relating to daycare or pre-school.
3. 
   3
   Give toddlers choices. One of the best ways to prevent behavior problems in toddlers is to give them choices. This allows them to feel independent without having to assert that independence. Give them a limited number of choices in situations where you can, and make negotiating out of those choices not an option.

   • For example, let them choose between peas and noodles for dinner, or rice and broccoli. If they don't want either, then just let them be hungry.
   • Give them a choice between two shirts when they get dressed in the morning.
   • Always make choosing sound exciting.
4. 
   4
   Give them an outlet for frustration. When they are clearly getting upset, give them healthy ways to release those feelings. Like adults, simply making those feelings stop is very difficult. Teach them early on to do something productive with negative feelings.

   • For example, let them make angry art. Give them crayon disks and paper and tell them to make an angry picture for you.
   • You can also let them kick a beanbag.
   • Another option would be to play a yelling game. Help your child yell, but do so in a silly way so that they just end up laughing.
   • Singing a song can also be a good option for toddlers. "If You're Happy and You Know It" (specifically the verse about feet stomping) is a great option for a frustrated kid.
5. 
   5
   Understand that they are children. At the end of the day, you just have to understand that small children do not have the ability to cope with emotions like you can, and some concessions may have to be made. For example, let your child have a toy while you are running errands, because he or she can't cope with boredom like you can.
   Advertisement

Community Q&A

Search

Add New Question

• Question

  How do I deal with verbal remarks like leave me alone, go away, I don't want to, or other manipulative behavior to get their own way?

  

  Community Answer

  Don't fight them, you will lose. Know what you are willing to accept and go from there. If the child says, "I don't want to get dressed," answer with "Can you do it yourself or do you need help?", "Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the red one" or "You can do the shirt yourself and I will help you with your pants." Choices are great, just be sure that you are willing to live with either choice, as the child will choose the one they think you don't want. If the child doesn't choose, then you choose the one you think the toddler wants the least. Don't say, "You can't go if you don't put your shoes on" if not going isn't a legitimate choice. Do it yourself, help, or offer a choice of shoes.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 0 Helpful 7

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Tips

• Always keep a straight face when disciplining them, even if their misbehavior was funny.
  Thanks

  Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Advertisement

Warnings

• It's best to discipline a child when you are calm and not overly angry. This will help ensure that any punishment is not irrational or abusive.
  Thanks

  Helpful 20 Not Helpful 0
• Avoid spanking or harming your child. If you choose to, it should never actually hurt the child physically or ever leave a mark. It also should never be anywhere other then the rear end.
  Thanks

  Helpful 15 Not Helpful 3

Advertisement

You Might Also Like

How to

Dress Modestly for a Mormon Church (for Females)

How to

Become Taller Naturally

How to

Improve Your Alexa Ranking

How to

Make Mother's Day Gifts

How to

Do Hairstyles for Curly Hair

How to

Style Shoulder Length Hair

How to

Prepare a Raised Bed Garden

How to

Get into Real Estate

How to

Build Good Credit

How to

Get Rid of Blackheads on Your Nose

How to

Do a Natural Everyday Makeup Look in 10 Minutes

How to

Slim Your Face

How to

Dress on a Cruise

How to

Iron

Advertisement