》 • Everyone remembers the girl with the red hair • 《

Zero ▪︎ 16 ▪︎ july cancer ▪︎ it/she/he/they ▪︎ asexual lesbian ▪︎ neurodivergent w/ bpd+ ▪︎ cocsa survivor & awareness advocate ▪︎ a writer; a poet ▪︎ ruby gloom irl (trust) ▪︎ wallflower of hufflepuff house ▪︎ a reader and remus lupin reincarnated ▪︎

involved w/ fandoms: arcane, marauders, identity v, supernatural, bungou stray dogs, good omens, creepypasta, my little pony ▪︎ games: identity v, sky: children of the light, cult of the lamb, stray, stardew valley, splatoon 3 ▪︎ currently stuck on: my little pony ▪︎ I would kill in cold blood for: @iloveyapping @until-my-teeth-fell-out

my tags: #`~▪︎ zero reblogs #in my orbit 🪐 #void of thought #sleeplessv0id

Currently reading: rereading book three of the Lightlark series—Skyshade

On the record: Blackbird - The Beatles ▪︎ Lilac Wine - Jeff Buckley ▪︎ Not - Big Thief ▪︎ Black Hole Fantasy - The Crane Wives

Asks are ALWAYS open

I post whatever my heart desires.

Basic dni apply. Otherwise, I block who I want when I want. This blog does not accept donation asks.*

long time no see, how is everyone? @iloveyapping @daystarpoet @toooster @until-my-teeth-fell-out @theodditylacey

Am I crazy—did they change the icon for inbox/notifications?

I have fallen deep into the hole of Equestria, be ready for pony-posting.

It's the end of the school day, so I was at my locker to fetch my things to go home when I opened it to be met face to face with this.

Nobody has said anything to me, I'm not talking to anyone in that way currently, and I mostly keep to myself. I only tell my friends my locker number, and that's for them to get snacks—so who left one. 😭 There is no name, no note, nothing. I have run through all the possibilities.

I'm so confused... thankful, but who?

@theodditylacey @iloveyapping @daystarpoet @toooster @litrlymine777 @until-my-teeth-fell-out @glxsyymads @soft-likethesunset @thisfeelslike-iykyk

I just tagged everyone's tag that I can remember, so sorry if we don't talk/talk much and you think it's weird.

The next time I grab my switch to go play Stardew Valley to decompress and distract myself, and it's dead, I'm going to kill myself.

I found a journal entry from one I thought had long since been burned. It was from 2020.

Reading it is nothing short of devastating, to say the least. During my abuse, I had nobody to tell it to, but a journal—until one day, I walked in on my aunt reading it. She encouraged the SA I faced daily in that house, so I was punished harshly.

After that, I burned my journals and anything else that had my thoughts and feelings in physical form. It wasn't safe, even on paper.

What hurts the most is that I can still see the awkward child I was shining through the words.

☆

- "I always thought that if I were to start a journal that it'd be on the first day of the new year, and that it'd be about love and how much I love life.

- "but that's not the only problem. I've also been pretty down in the dumps, maybe even depressed. Somedays, I feel like I'm not good enough or interesting enough."

- "but I can't cry! I try and try to cry, so maybe I can let out some emotions. but all I manage to get out is a single tear."

- "and I can't tell any of my friends cause I'm so scared they'll treat me differently. Like a fragile piece of glass that'll shatter with one wrong move."

- "I have also started developing another problem. I've started thinking of myself as chubby. People say it's puberty, but I'm not so sure.. I've started thinking of how many calories I'm consuming, counting them. It makes me want to throw up."

☆

I miss the girl I used to be.

I wanted to have a 'sweet 16' like the girls on TV, like all the other girls—I wanted to grow up. I'll be 17 this year. My family did not celebrate my 16th birthday.

I weighed myself today, and I weigh 84.6 pounds, I can't bring myself to eat despite how much I try.

I've been in in-person school for going on 2 weeks and I haven't done anything. I literally can't do anything but sit there. I'm so tired.