Well there’s two that were pretty good because they’re improvised so the moment was more important than the actual content of what I said.

1: Creepy guy following girl around says “can i get a hug?” CLASSIC right? So then I mock him and say “yeah waait can IIIII get a hug??” so it results in me actually getting the hug, essentially hug-blocking this dude who then just leaves the party. Feels good man.jpg. Also, surprise, we’ve been life partnerz ever since <3

2. Met a gal via a friends pal-circle and she ended up liking me. She came over, somehow my bed came up in conversation? I said “Well it’s a Sleep Number™, should we find yours?”… This worked out perfectly in every way.

I don’t really know any actual pickup lines because I don’t initiate conversation most of the time. Which sucks but also I guess it makes people think you think you’re too cool so that makes you SEEM cool even if you aren’t. Just don’t be a jerk and don’t have any expectations. Try to be a pleasant person. That’s the real pickup line.

Dang I haven’t logged into Tinder, I mean Bumblr, I mean Tumblr for YEARS. Everything is great tbh! I mean not the last few years but now it’s going fantastique mr bombastique. Except for one of the dogs peed on my keytar.