Narcissistic parents be like

/stares into the camera like I'm on the office as this blares in the background at my parents/

Parenting tip #1: Don’t hit your fucking children, you scumbag cunt

The number of people in the notes defending hitting their children is fucking horrifying, along with a bunch of people saying shit like “I still flinch when my parents raise their hands” 

Don’t fuckin hit your kids, jesus fucking christ

I just want to reiterate this stuff, because I legit get the feeling there are a lot of younger women for whom it hasn’t really sunk in what it is today’s GOP is actively trying to return to.

Did you go to a good college? Shame on you, you took a college placement that could have gone to a man who deserves and needs it to support or prepare for his wife & children. But if you really must attend college, well, some men like that, you can still get married if you focus on finding the right man.

Got a job? Why? A man could be doing that job. You should be at home caring for a family. You shouldn’t be taking that job away from a man who needs it (see college, above). You definitely don’t have a career – you’ll be pregnant and raising children soon, so no need to worry about promoting you.

This shit was within living memory.  I’M A MILLENIAL and my mother was in the second class that allowed women at an Ivy League school. Men who are alive today either personally remember shit like this or have parents/family who have raised them into thinking this was the way America functioned back in the blissful Good Old Days. There are literally dudes in the GOP old enough to remember when it was like this and yearn for those days to return.

When people talk about resisting conservativism and the GOP, we’re not just talking about whether the wage gap is a myth or not. We’re talking about whether women even have the fundamental right to exist as individuals, to run their own households and compete for jobs and be considered on an equal footing with men in any arena at all in the first place.

I was a child in the 1960s, a teenager in the 1970s, a young adult in the 1980s.
This is what it was like:

When I was growing up, it was considered unfortunate if a girl was good at sports. Girls were not allowed in Little League. Girls’ teams didn’t exist in high school, except at all-girls’ high schools. Boys played sports, and girls were the cheerleaders.

People used to ask me as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a brain surgeon or the first woman justice on the Supreme Court. Everyone told me it was impossible–those just weren’t realistic goals for a girl–the latter, especially, because you couldn’t trust women to judge fairly and rationally, after all.

In the 1960s and 1970s, all women were identified by their marital status, even in arrest reports and obituaries. In elementary school, my science teacher referred to Pierre Curie as DOCTOR Curie and Marie Curie as MRS. Curie…because, as he put it, “she was just his wife.” (Both had doctorates and both were Nobel prize winners, so you would think that both would be accorded respect.)

Companies could and did require women to wear dresses and skirts. Failure to do could and did get women fired. And it was legal. It was also legal to fire women for getting married or getting pregnant. The rationale was that a woman who was married or who had a child had no business working; that was what her husband was for. Aetna Insurance, the biggest insurance company in America, fired women for all of the above.

A man could rape his wife. Legally. I can remember being twelve years old and reading about legal experts actually debating whether or not a man could actually be said to coerce his wife into having sex. This was a serious debate in 1974.

The debate about marital rape came up in my law school, too, in 1984. Could a woman be raped by her husband? The guys all said no–a woman got married, so she was consenting to sex at all times. So I turned it around. I asked them if, since a man had gotten married, that meant that his wife could shove a dildo or a stick or something up his ass any time she wanted to for HER sexual pleasure.

(Hey, I thought it was reasonable. If one gender was legally entitled to force sex on the other, then obviously the reverse should also be true.)

The male law students didn’t like the idea. Interestingly, they commented that being treated like that would make them feel like a woman.

My reaction was, “Thank you for proving my point…”

The concept of date rape, when first proposed, was considered laughable. If a woman went out on a date, the argument of legal experts ran, sexual consent was implied. Even more sickening was the fact that in some states–even in the early 1980s–a man could rape his daughter…and it was no worse than a misdemeanor.

Women taking self-defense classes in the 1970s and 1980s were frequently described in books and on TV as “cute.” The implication was that it was absurd for a woman to attempt to defend herself, but wasn’t it just adorable for her to try?

I was expressly forbidden to take computer classes in junior and senior years of high school–1978-79 and 1979-80–because, as the principal told me, “Only boys have to know that kind of thing. You girls are going to get married, and you won’t use it.”

When I was in college–from 1980 to 1984–there were no womens’ studies. The idea hadn’t occurred in many places because the presumption was that there was nothing TO study. My history professor–a man who had a doctorate in history–informed me quite seriously that women had never produced a noted painter, sculptor, composer, architect or scientist because…wait for it…womens’ brains were too small.

(He was very surprised when I came up with a list of fifty women gifted in the arts and science, most of whom he had never heard of before.)

When Walter Mondale picked Geraldine Ferraro as a running mate in 1984, the press hailed it as a disaster. What would happen, they asked fearfully, if Mondale died and Ferraro became president? What if an international crisis arose and she was menstruating? She could push the nuclear button in a fit of PMS! It would be the end of the WORLD!!

…No, they WEREN’T kidding.

On the surface, things are very different now than they were when I was a child, a teen and a young adult. But I’m afraid that people now do not realize what it was like then. I’ve read a lot of posts from young women who say that they are not feminists. If the only exposure to feminism they have is the work of extremists, I cannot blame them overmuch.

I wish that I could tell them what feminism was like when it was new–when the dream of legal equality was just a dream, and hadn’t even begun to come true. When “woman’s work” was a sneer–and an overt putdown. When people tut-tutted over bright and athletic girls with the words, “Really, it’s a shame she’s not a boy.” That lack of feminism wasn’t all men opening doors and picking up checks. A lot of it was an attitude of patronizing contempt that hasn’t entirely died out, but which has become less publicly acceptable.

I wish I could make them feel what it was like…when grown men were called “men” and grown women were “girls.”

Know your history.

So this, too, is what they mean saying “make America great again” and/or the good old days.

REBLOG FOREVER.

I am 70. I remember all those things. I was a student nurse from 64 to 67 and we were not permitted to “finish” a bed bath on a male or insert a catheter in a male. Seeing male genitals might cause us “harm” or upset our delicate sensibilities. Imagine when we graduated and were “thrown” to the wolves. Imagine if you were a male patient who had to be the first to be “practiced” on by a graduate nurse. (Ha!) At the school I attended no student nurse could be married. Only one school in my city (Atlanta) would even admit married women and Male Nurses weren’t even thought of. What man would want to be a nurse when he could be a Doctor. In all my training I only remember 3 or 4 Women who were Doctor’s and a very few, (less than 5 or 6) female interns or residents (and this was a teaching hospital) and most of those were OB/Gyns and one was a pediatrician.

When I graduated and was going to get married I wanted to go on birth control pills. You needed to be on them for a least one cycle before they were effective. I won’t go into what hoops I had to jump through to get a prescription from my Dr. (a man, natch) but when i went to the drug store to get the prescription filled I ended up having to get my future husband to “accompany” me so the pharmacist “interview” him and see if it was okay with him for me to be on the pill.

Even when we went to get a marriage license I had to get my Father’s signature and we had to go before a Judge because I was not yet 21 (I was 20 and 9 months).

I could go on and on, getting a credit card in MY name, etc., but I will tell you that WE MUST RESIST.

The number of people I know who romanticize gender inequality is frankly terrifying. A world never existed in which the lives of women were simplified by benevolent men who saw to her every want and need. That was not a thing. A world never existed in which women were all ladies, men were all gentlemen, & everything was some great big cishet fairytale. Feminists aren’t a bunch of upstarts who want to destroy a perfectly wholesome and non-harmful system. Just…look at history. Look at the posts above. We. Must. Resist..

About 8: The State of New York only added No-Fault Divorce as an option in 2010 (!!!)

I want to repeat here. 

This is what they mean, when they say “Old-fashioned values”

When conservatives start waxing lyrical about the ‘good old days’, this is what they mean. They are fully aware how much things blew for women, and they would like to return to that. 

my brother assaulted me, i dont feel safe, i need to stay at a hotel for a couple days please hellp me please dont call the police, im black and have a court date soon

paypal.me/tradgoth

venmo: gothgirl1999

cash.me/$gothicprincex

Meanwhile us olds are like: I don’t have a carrd and I’m not reading yours

Please don’t advertise your personal information, anyone could find that and use it however they want.

Oh my fucking god it isn’t 1998 anymore no one cares

??? Wtf does this mean??? 80% of employers google you before hiring you, child predators use that info to groom kids, abusers use that info against victims, police/government track activists online? Do you honestly think the internet has gotten safer since 1998????

also don’t tell any rando who wanders onto your blog with unknown intentions the specifics of how they can trigger you???? no????

the fact that its not 1998 anymore is exactly WHY you should be more fucking careful. do you have any idea the tools people have now compared to then? the fact that its gotten exponentially easier to find people in real life based off online info while young people have gotten extremely comfortable sharing all their personal details is deeply concerning.

im sorry no one ever taught you internet safety but that is NOT because its not important anymore. ITS MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT EVER WAS. please listen to the people whove been on the internet longer than youve been alive. our intentions are good and internet safety is vital. especially if youre queer, which i know for a fact a lot of you are.

If you don’t believe that people can track you online from a little bit of information, please check out this thread by Emily Gorcenski, an anti-fascist activist, where she breaks down how she was able to determine the exact location of someone’s storage unit based only on a photo in the New York Times. (Gorcenski also uses her super powers to out fascists, but in this case, she is using it on one of those people who were buying up hand sanitizer in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic.)

The whole thread is fascinating, and is based on nothing more than a single photo, with most of the stuff she relies on to make the ID not even being in focus, let along in the foreground. Stuff you might never think about, like the angle between two building or the exact color of the storage unit doors. 

Because you might think to yourself, “What is the harm of sharing a photo that shows the color of my storage unit doors??” But combined with your name and the fact that you live in, say, Eastern Tennessee, that might be all someone needs to narrow it down.

You should really read the whole thing, but to quote something she says at the end:

“The things that give you away are things that are not the focus of the shot. It’s details in the background, the foreground. Shadows, changes in coloration where they’re not expected. …  I have geolocated people from pictures of cranes in the background of images, and use local construction permits to figure out where they are. I have used the shape of downspout guards and styles of siding to identify neighborhoods.”

And as she reminds us: You should always assume that bad actors are capable of doing this, too. 

So for the love of all that is holy, please protect yourselves. Be conscious of what you share and where and who can see it. This stuff matters. 

Not to mention, like……… predators lie. Predators will do one of these carrds with information specifically designed to lure people into a false sense of security.

I could say that I’m a 15 year old trans indigenous girl named Jess who lives in the inner suburbs of Sydney, and NOT A SINGLE word of that is remotely true, but how do you know??? How do you know whether I’m telling the truth or not??

But you might read it and think “oh she’s a minor like me; she’s Safe to talk to” or “she’s trans too she understands me on a personal level” or “I know her; her name is Jess” or “she’s indigenous, I can take her stances on indigenous topics as Truth” – but I’m not any of those things. And if I wrote all that and stated that they were true and you believed me then you would be in an inherently vulnerable position, because you would be believing I’m your age or have the same gender experiences as you or that I’m of the same heritage, and meanwhile I could be a predator who’s specifically trying to target children by making myself out to be both a minor and two different types of minority.

And yeah, people can lie all the time if they want to; there’s nothing to stop me right now from announcing that I’m actually American, or I’m actually 52, or I’m actually a natural redhead, or I’m actually [insert something that I am not]. But if its becoming commonplace to lay all your “basic” information on the table from the outset then youre gonna start taking that at face value. Youre gonna believe peoples bios. You’re gonna check someone’s carrd out and go “oh they’re a fourteen year old boy from wisconsin” and every interaction you have with them from then on is going to be through a lens of “theyre a fourteen year old boy from Wisconsin,” and they might not be.

For the love of GOD please stop sharing your personal details online. You dont need to tell people your actual name. You dont need to share selfies. Godding fuck dont announce to the whole world that you live in a certain specific area and that you’ve just been kicked out of home. There are people who will take that information and use it against you.

And if you are ever, EVER going to meet up with an online friend in real life, here are some basic tips that you really absolutely 100% should do:

• Do a zoom chat with them first. No, not selfies; selfies can be taken from anywhere. I could google “teenage girl,” screenshot it, and send it to you with the claim that its my face. I could steal someone’s Facebook photos and claim they’re mine. Its a lot harder for an adult to con you into thinking theyre a teenager if you insist on doing a zoom call or similar with them first.
• If you have a facetime/zoom call/Skype/whatever scheduled, and they cancel it, but still want to meet up in person at the pre-arranged time, DO NOT GO. Straight up say “no, we’ll reschedule; how about we Skype at the time we were meant to meet in person instead.” DO NOT MEET UP WITH SOMEONE IF YOU HAVENT VIDEO-CHATTED WITH THEM. DO NOT. If they dont want to Skype with you or keep agreeing to and then dropping out, then thats a fucking huge warning sign.
• If they video chat with you and you’re satisfied that they are who they say they are and youre happy to go ahead with the meet, then agree to meet up in the middle of the day in a crowded place. A shopping mall, a busy cafe, etc. Somewhere with lots of people around. Do NOT go somewhere else with them. Do NOT get in their car or go somewhere with fewer people or etc. Hate to break it to you, but it is NOT outside of the realm of possibility that the person you’re meeting is bait to get you somewhere isolated where someone else can grab you. This is a thing that has happened. Easiest way to avoid it? Don’t go places alone with your online friend until you know for sure they’re not dodgy.
• Also: TELL SOMEONE WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND WHO YOU ARE GOING TO MEET. It doesn’t have to be a parent. Lord knows some of you kids don’t trust your parents, and I understand that. But tell SOMEONE. A friend, a sibling, a cousin; whatever. Tell them when you’re going, where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and what the other person’s online details are. If it turns out that theyre a normal human person who is just keen to meet their online friend, then great. But if they turn out to be some kind of creepy whackjob who kidnaps you or something, then at least there is someone out there who can give the police a start point about where you were and who you were meeting.

Online safety is so important and it really freaks me out to see how cavalier some of you kids are with your own safety. There are loads of freaks out there; don’t hand your information over to them in a handy little personal bio.

^^^^^^^

also if your online friend even possesses one iota of common sense, they will be fully understanding about every one of these safety precautions, and take them themselves, too.

if your online friend dismisses these concerns, then they don’t care about your personal safety, and they aren’t your friend, and you shouldn’t meet with them.