Jack Benny Quotes
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Thug: You're gonna give us $10,000, or we're gonna break both your legs.
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Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?
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Rochester: checking his equipment Shaving cream, brush, razor, smelling salts.
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Thug: repeating Look, bud, I said 'Your money or your life.'
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Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
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I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
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Modesty is my best quality.
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
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Jack: What do you think of this card I wrote for Don? 'To Don from Jacky, Oh golly, oh shucks. I hope that you like it, It cost forty bucks.
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It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
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Jack: Hey, wait a minute. What kind of make up is this?
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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Jack Benny: Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas?
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Jack: pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers I'm going to blow your brains out.
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Mugger: Your money or your life.
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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
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Thug: This is a stickup! Now come on. Your money or your life.
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Marilyn Monroe: What about the difference in our ages?
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Mugger: Look bud. I said, your money or your life.
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Bob Hope: finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.
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Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles.