Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.
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If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.