Alan Coren Quotes

United Kingdom, Humorist
June 27, 1938 – October, 18, 2007.

Alan Coren (27 June 1938 – 18 October 2007) was an English humourist, writer and satirist who was well known as a regular panellist on the BBC radio quiz The News Quiz and a team captain on BBC television's Call My Bluff. Coren was also a journalist, and for almost a decade was the editor of Punch magazine.

Also known as Writer, Satirist, Journalist

Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic...being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC; why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.

Alan Coren
- Up
- Believe
- Why
Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of the country is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers.

Alan Coren
- Country

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

Alan Coren
- Sea
I rang room service, and asked for a bottle of Perrier, because while I was asleep someone had come in and carpeted my throat.

Alan Coren
- Service
Since Switzerland has nothing else to identify it…and since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

Alan Coren
- Remember
- Snow
- Chocolate
The word 'souvenir' has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.

Alan Coren
- Today
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a Wirtschaftswunder, which can be briefly translated as 'The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.'

Alan Coren
- War
- Lost
Disneyworld…is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin's, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan's. It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.

Alan Coren
- Future
- Vision
- Magic