Art Buchwald Quotes

United States, Humorist
October 20, 1925 – January, 17, 2007.

Arthur Buchwald (October 20, 1925 – January 17, 2007) was an American humorist best known for his column in The Washington Post, which in turn was carried as a syndicated column in many other newspapers. His column focused on political satire and commentary. He received the Pulitzer Prize for Outstanding Commentary in 1982 and in 1986 was elected to the American Academy and Institute of Arts and Letters.

Also known as Columnist

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'

Art Buchwald
- Women
- Heart
- Taken
If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Art Buchwald
- Long

People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

Art Buchwald
- People
- Wife
- Dope
Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new...program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Art Buchwald
- Time
- Wonder
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald
- Up
- World
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

Art Buchwald
- Time
I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

Art Buchwald
- Die
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, 'I'm getting even.' … For me, being funny is the best revenge.

Art Buchwald
- People
- Trying
- Funny

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

Art Buchwald
- Water
I like champagne—because it always tastes like my foot's asleep.

Art Buchwald
- Champagne
A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

Art Buchwald
- American
- Bad
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

Art Buchwald
- Mind
- Suicide