By Amanda Grossman-Scott
I’m ready. I mean, I think I’m ready. How can a parent ever be ready to send a child off to middle school?
He says he’s ready. He’s got some new clothes, new school supplies, he’s had his annual physical and he’s gotten a haircut. “I’m fine Mom!” he says.
But the thought of sending him off to go to school with teenagers is causing me to have panic attacks. No matter how much I feel like I’ve prepared him, there’s bound to be something I’ve missed, right?
Aside from all the academic stuff (which is pressure enough for any kid!), I worry about all of the other life lessons he’ll need. Have I taught him to be kind, but not to be taken advantage of? How to be a leader, but not a bully? How to be a good friend, but also to know when a friendship is toxic? Have I taught him to be courteous, to respect boundaries, to enforce his own boundaries? Does he know what his standards are?
There is so much more to raising a strong young person than we ever consider when they are newborns. There are almost as many opinions about how it should be done as there are YouTube videos featuring cats.
Is it possible to prepare a child for every possible circumstance? I can ask my son over and over, “what would you do if…?” But ultimately, the answer is no, parents can’t provide the answer to every situation.
But you can prepare them with standards to live by and develop by starting first and foremost with:
- Respect
“There are two critical components of respect that children need to learn at an early age. The first is respect for themselves, and the second is respect for others. The best way for parents to teach those principles is to model them for their children. It has been said that the home you grow up in is the greatest classroom you ever attend,” says Mary Ann Benson, MSW, LSW (Benson, 2014). Respect is such an abstract term with many meanings. How can we teach it? Modeling it is the best way I’ve found to get the following points across:
- I’ve taught my son to respect himself and those around him.
- I’ve taught him about boundaries and treating people kindly.
- I’ve taught him our family’s moral and ethical beliefs.
- I’ve taught him to respect others’ beliefs.
These are points that will have to be modeled and taught over and over in order for them to sink in.
The second standard to live by and develop is:
- Love
“The dynamics in your home have a powerful influence on your children,” says Benson (Benson, 2014). I can give him a happy, positive, safe and stable place to come home to every day. A place where, no matter what pressure he feels from outside influences, he knows he will always be accepted and loved. So, how does this happen? Here are a few ways I like to show love:
- Give Him My Time. I want my child to know that he’s worthy of my time. I’m very guilty of saying “Just a minute” to all of my kids… but this is something I intend to work hard to stop doing. I’ll put aside what I’m doing and focus on my child when he needs me.
- Listen. Part of giving him my time is also giving him a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Too many parents listen only with the intent to respond a certain way, when the child may be saying something beyond words. By listening carefully and making eye contact with him, I’ll be closer to understanding him and the way he sees the world. I’ll also be teaching him to listen to others.
- Give Him a Soft Place to Land. No matter what has happened during my day or his, I try to greet him with a smile when I see him. I want him to know I’m happy to be with him. Occasionally I’ll bake cookies (the easy bake kind- I’m not a saint!). I’ll also try to remember to stay calm. Kids this age have a tendency to get dramatic.
- Compliment Him. There is always something to be proud of when it comes to your child. Even when he’s had a rough day, there are always moments of kindness or achievement that I can compliment him on.
- Be Positive. I’ll try help him see the good parts of his day (even when he’s reluctant to admit there were any!). I can also help him to think of ways to make tomorrow better.
- Set an Example. I don’t mind letting him see his Dad and I disagree and work things out- because it sets a good example. Conflict resolution and problem solving are extremely useful tools he needs to learn. I want him to learn from me that most things are not “life and death” or worth getting worked up about…and that things always get better.
Sending a child off into the unfamiliar is scary, for the child as well as the parent. But parents can feel better and children will have a better chance of success if we prepare them the best way we know how; by teaching them the value of love and respect.
For more information on this and many other subjects to help you raise a strong child, check out our book .
Available in Kindle or Paperback.Amanda Grossman-Scott is Board Vice president and Head Writer for Educate and Empower Kids. She has written for various magazines, newspapers and blogs and has been active in the journalism industry intermittently for the last 15 years. She studied Journalism and Communications at Utah Valley University. Amanda is from Lancaster, Pennsylvania and now lives with her husband and three children in San Antonio, Texas.
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Benson, M. (2014, December 18). Teaching Your Children Self-Respect and Respect for Others – Educate Empower Kids. Retrieved August 1, 2015.