If I were a plant, I'd be a California Redwood, because they are tall, red, wide, and live in Northern California, just like me.
If I were an animal, I'd be a Titmouse, because then just telling people my name would be enough to make them laugh.
If I were an appliance, I'd be a Washing machine on a Hillbilly's lawn, because I am big, useless, out of place, and just want to be left alone. Also, a little kid could climb into me, get stuck, and die, just like with a washing machine.
"He who laughs last thinks slowest" -Cyberstuff
By the way, if you are reading this and your initials are KW or AB, congratulations. You found me.