Talk:Sharon Newman/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TRLIJC19 (talk · contribs) 21:23, 28 October 2012 (UTC) and — M.Mario (T/C) 20:42, 8 November 2012 (UTC)

Sorry for the delays – I'll try to get to this by tonight—tomorrow the latest. TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 23:21, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

That's fine. Hope you find the time to do it soon :) Arre 05:52, 7 November 2012 (UTC)

• "Introduced by the late William J. Bell" -> In the infobox it says Bell just created him. Either add introducer to infobox, or change creator to introducer in the ibox, or finally, add Introduced and created to lead.
• "Following a rocky relationship" -> Not a good term to use. Did a critic use this term "rocky"? If so, quote, if not, change.
• "Noah" -> actor names (most prominent).
• "Following a rocky relationship, they married and had a son, Noah. They also gained custody of Cassie (Camryn Grimes), whom she had given up for adoption years ago" -> Merge sentences, as well as doing fixes I have stated above.
• "whom she had given up for adoption years ago" -> She -> Sharon
• "The marriage faced countless hurdles" -> "Her marriage with Nick faced countless problems..."
• "...including infidelities on both their parts. At one point, Sharon left town for months because of immense pressure". -> Merge sentences to -> "including infidelities on both their parts, which temporarily made Sharon leave town".
• "It was during this point that Case was experiencing intense contract negotiations and her future on the soap was in question." -> "Her temporary departure was due Case experiencing contract negotiations, about her future on the soap".
• "Following Cassie's death, Nick cheated on Sharon with Phyllis Summers (Michelle Stafford), resulting in a pregnancy. -> Following Cassie's death from a car crash, Nick cheated again; with Phyllis Summers (Michelle Stafford), resulting in a pregnancy".
• "it was deemed the best love triangle by Soap Opera Digest" -> personification of publisher.
• "A love triangle developed between Nick, Sharon and Phyllis, ultimatly leading to the couple's divorce. The love triangle was praised by critics; deemed the "best" love triangle by Soap Opera Digest. (As well as other fixes mentioned above) — M.Mario (T/C) 20:42, 8 November 2012 (UTC)

Done; fixed the lead. Arre 05:47, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

A few more for the lead:

• No mention of CBS in Lead, American is not needed, change to CBS.
• "The character was described as a "young girl from the poor side of town" at first, originating from Madison, Wisconsin" -> Move after the actresses who have played Sharon.

Done, but I left American just to clarify. Arre 19:02, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "succumbed to passion" -> something more formal.
• Lead- Actress name for Faith.
• "Faith was believed dead for months (by whom) after her birth; however Adam Newman (Michael Muhney) had stolen her and presented her to Ashley Abbott (Eileen Davidson), whom he had caused to lose a child, therefore giving her the thing that she had lost. Sharon then began a relationship with Adam (Wait, what, he stole her baby! And what has happened to her relationship with Nick, and did she divorce Jack?), which turned into marriage". -> Need to be more clear about details.
• "Their relationship was described as "dark" and has changed the dynamic of the character". By whom? -> "Their relationship was described as "dark" by critics, who noticed that it had changed the characteristics of Sharon?
• Relink Sherri Coleman to -> #Fugitivity and alter ego|Sherri Coleman.
• "controversial relationship" -> who said this, and how?
• "has been generally poorly received by the actors and public" -> a move which was disliked by Case.
• "The character has tackled several emotionally challenging storylines including rape, kidnapping, infidelity and kleptomania (an obsessive stealing disorder)". -> change.
• "Most notably, she won a Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in 1999, among five other Daytime Emmy nominations. She has won two Soap Opera Digest Awards." -> Merge
• When quoting in the lead " blah blah blah", use the reference the quote came from. — M.Mario (T/C) 19:53, 11 November 2012 (UTC)

Done. However, the source (SoapNet) that states the relationship was described as dark doesn't say who wrote this. Arre 06:17, 12 November 2012 (UTC)

I hope the review has been okay. The article seems very good, but does seem to need a good copy edit. Have you submitted this article for WP:PEER REVIEW? I dont mind doing it, but you must know that there may be a few points per day. — M.Mario (T/C) 19:03, 12 November 2012 (UTC)

The review has been good, I'm happy someone has finally started it. You're points have been extremely helpful... You're right it does. I don't mind how long it takes. Arre 02:59, 13 November 2012 (UTC)

• Unlink all occupations, apart from the Cassie one.
• Right on to Casting:
• Unlink William J. Bell, change to just Bell (already mentioned in Lead, WP:OVER LINKING
• "Sharon was introduced and created by William J. Bell." -> Source? -> Credits for character's first appearance would be good.
• Ditto with Potter and Mark.

Done, I only fixed the occupations and William J. Bell to Bell. I will leave the rest for Arre. Creativity97 03:48, 16 November 2012 (UTC)

Unfortunately, (I've researched a lot) but I can't find a source for any of the actress' first appearance. Also, the March 28, 1994 date has been there for a while and I can't find a source for that either. But i didn't add that. Do you have other points for casting? Arre 03:56, 16 November 2012 (UTC)

All ." change to ".

The quotes in Characterization either need to be cut or removed.

Try to find one word adjectives to describe Sharon, "moody", "mean", "happy", "ditzy", ... etc.

Should the storylines be first? It would make a bit more sense

"Sharon as her alter ego Sheri Coleman. Her appearance changed, and Case colored her hair brown" -> Changed "colored" to dyed?

Done caption for photo. I cut/shortened basically all the quotes and added other words in between them like, Case said "blah blah" but never "blah blah". But I didn't cut important quotes like Case saying Sharon's relationship with Victor was incest, and her explaining that even though she nearly killed someone she was still a romantic lead and heroin. About the storyline thing, I know it's done that way on Poppy but Sharon's s/l is sort of long and it makes more sense for ppl to read about her casting/development and then see the overview. Because they've basically just read parts of the storyline in the lead. But that's what I feel. I formatted the page like that once but it didn't flow right. Arre 11:33, 22 November 2012 (UTC)

Im guessing you have checked that all the sources are reliable? — M.Mario (T/C) 11:48, 25 November 2012 (UTC)

Im now going through checking all sources, etc.

• Expand caption for image of Adam.
• Unlink common words

Done. All of the sources are reliable. Some are dead, however. Arre

12:48, 25 November 2012 (UTC)

Dead references -> can alternatives be found?

• Actor names in Storylines section.
• Please cut down this section
• Nicholas Newman section:
  • "since her beginning" -> of what?
  • "eloping" -> link
  • Actor name for Matt Clark
  • This section needs a read through. Cut out uneccessary details,
  • Josh Morrow -> Morrow
  • Actor names for Cassie & Noah
  • Actor name for Diego
  • Phyllis Summers (Michelle Stafford) -> Link
  • Michelle Stafford -> Stafford
• I havent checked the references at this moment.
  • "the Huffington Post" -> Should be italics and the -> The

— M.Mario (T/C) 13:23, 25 November 2012 (UTC)

Linked actors to that section. About that, in the storyline section, some if not most of the actors have already been linked throughout the article. It's 12 AM in Australia:) so I'll be going offline now. When I come back I'll fix the remaining and finish any more points you have, thankyou! Arre 13:33, 25 November 2012 (UTC)

I fixed the dead links by adding links to archived pages. :) Kelly Marie 0812 (talk) 14:15, 1 December 2012 (UTC)