> The Value of a Drink
>
>
> "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
> I feel shame.Then I look into the glass and think
> about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
> and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
> of work and their dreams would be shattered.
> Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let
> their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
> ~ Jack Handy
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
> hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
> wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
> going to feel all day. "
> ~Frank Sinatra
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
> are tougher,smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> ~ Henny Youngman
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not."
> ~ Stephen Wright
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
> sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
> we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
> When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
> get drunk and go to heaven!"
> ~ Br ian O'Rourke
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> ~ Benjamin Franklin
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like
> a retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Without question, the greatest invention in the
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
> wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
> not go nearly as well with pizza."
> ~ Dave Barry
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
> friends over and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a
> can!
> ~Dave Howell
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
> logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of
Cheers.
> One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
> Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:
>
> "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalocan only move
> as fast as the slowest buffalo. And whenthe herd is hunted, it is the
> slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This
> natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general
> speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
> killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain
> can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
> of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
> the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
> consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the
> brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
> smarter after a few beers."