Fear & Loathing in Everyday Life

It's been awhile since I was on here last... a lot of drama has happened, I've made a few trips out of state. On top of that a friend of mine died over the weekend. But what I really got on here to post about was my son. It's crazy how watching him find wonder in silly things or seeing his imagination run wild really reminds me of being a kid again. Sometimes I don't pay attention to what he's really doing or getting excited about, I try to catch myself and stop to really see it. It's worth...

I've shifted back into a mood of being frustrated. I spent part of my afternoon writing about this feeling of being stuck. My lack of interest in people and things. About how I'm not happy or unhappy just neutral. It's an ongoing trend feeling this way. I tend to not really care about much. I find it hard to talk to people for more than a few minutes before I drift off and ignore them. I can't really decide what I will do about it, if anything. But I'm going to try and track it and documen...

It's Friday. The weather is nice. I'm off work. No one better ruin it for me. ...

It’s crazy how kids just bounce back from things. We’re home now and it’s like nothing happened at all. My body hurts and I haven’t slept since monday night. I will say overall the children’s hospital does a great job making the kids comfortable and not be scared of them. Of course now that I’m home I can’t just lay down and go to sleep It’s the middle of the day and my brain doesn’t allow me to sleep off schedule. ...

In the hospital with my 4 year old again. Asthma suck. Also whoever sells these slippery ass pillows to hospitals needs to burn in hell. ...

6:13 PM I feel pleased. The person that I believe reported me to HR tried to act like they didn’t know why they could no longer access my shared resources at work. I called them out, not directly, but acted like I didn’t know it was them. The best part is that there were multiple people around when I did it and they all saw the persons face change immediately. the person left the area without saying a word. I now assume that there is going to be an escalation of things but I’m ready. I’...

Monday, Mar 16, 20265:44 PM i just found a setting on here that lists my notes in a calendar style. maybe this will help me realize how long it's been between posting dates. anyways.. theres a white out snow storm happening right now in the middle of March so that sucks. Besides that work has been annoying. Someone tried to get me written up with a bunch of weird claims that didn't pan out on how I wasn't doing my job right. I have a good idea of who is trying to get me in trouble. I've...

It's almost been a month since I tired writing anything. I'm still not feeling it. I don't know what changed, probably all the changes I've had in medication. Maybe this new change will get me back into the mood of it. Also I noticed I have posted on here a lot of tuesdays and Wednesdays. Maybe I can make it a habit and do this more. ...

I haven't posted anything on here in awhile. My original plan was to write something everyday but I just don't have anything to write about. There's nothing exciting going on in my life to share. I'm trying to loose weight without really doing anything. It's not really working. But I did cut out all caffeine and soda in my life so that's something. It's not only tuesday but the week feels like it's been dragging on forever. ...

My 4 year old is playing a game on his little tablet. It’s a racing game but it’s set up for 2 players and he doesn’t know that. He thinks he’s just racing the other car. It’s in split screen and the other car is just scraping against the wall on the track. He keeps winning and he’s so excited about it. I don’t have the heart to tell him what’s going on. He keeps jumping up excited he won the race and high fiving me. ...

11:27 PM Happy New Year ...

Tuesday, Dec 30, 20256:33 PM I haven't been posting as much on here. It's been a slow week. Plus a lack of sleep hasn't helped. Everyone's over their sickness so that's good. 9:09 PM Well now my wife in at the hospital. She’s had a pain in her stomach all week that’s gotten worse. This has been a bad month for this kind of stuff. ...

Sunday, Dec 28, 20255:19 PM it's been a lazy Sunday today. I've spent most of my day setting up my new website. I wanted somewhere I can write about different subjects. Something separate from where I've been posting my personal stuff. You can check it out if you want at https://voidblackmedia.com 10:59 PM Well my dad is in the hospital with the flu. Hopefully they get it under control tonight. We are watching my parents dog while he is there. It's a tiny long hair chihuahua puppy. The...

Friday, Dec 26, 202510:39 AM Back to work for one day before the weekend. I just realized UPS lost a package the said they delivered to me on Tuesday. This seems like a Monday problem. 2:59 PM My work day is almost over. I really haven’t done anything, per usual. I think my boss wanted to be mad at me today for a bunch of projects not being done, but once I went over them with him he saw that there wasn’t really anything that I could do about it. Oh yea. I don't think I have the flu by th...

6:44 PM Today is Christmas. 8:00 PM I'm keeled over in the bathroom. Every liquid in my body is finding its quickest exit. I stripped down to nothing but the flamingo socks that my stepdaughter bought me for Christmas at the commissary, in the group home she is court ordered to stay at. Now I'm sitting on this porcelain shivering. Is it the flu finally taking hold of me or did I eat something bad…. ...

12:30am it's technically a new day, so I'm starting a new note. My little one has the flu. His fever keeps going up to 103 and he seems so miserable. I just want to hold him and make him feel better, but I know doing that will just make him hotter. He is sleeping in my bed with my wife so she can keep an eye on him. I think if this continues into the evening we might think about waiting to tell him its Christmas until after hes feeling better. He has been so excited for it all month. It break...

6:30am I'm awake. Laying in bed wishing I was able to sleep more. I don't want to go to work, but I also don't want to stay home all day. My wife got home from the hospital with her son last night somewhere around 2am. He should be ok, he just needs to rest. He has a bad case of Mono. I never knew it could cause a severe rash and swollen/ruptured spleen. I seem to be fighting a never ending cold. A cough that doesn't want to go away. Hopefully our 4 year old doesn't catch all of this too. ...

8:00pm - 10:00pm I'm sitting here in a tiny chair at the ER. One of my kids had a scare that his spleen ruptured. He's ok, we're waiting for the official results but the doctor thinks he will be fine. I'm not so self absorbed that I think that my comfort is taken into consideration as a guest of the patient. But this is the second time this year that I've been sitting in an ER room with one of our kids and this damn chair was placed under the sharps collection box. I keep hitting my head on i...