LostFocus

5 days Dominik @dominik@lostfocus.de

I notice more and more that I don’t have the skills nor the patience to write proper articles / blog posts that appropriately communicate my feelings / reckons on different topics.

One of the problems is probably that I think faster than I can type. I often start writing, dumping whatever comes to mind regarding the topic at hand into a text file and sometimes right in the middle of a sentence, I start to lose interest. (or – ha! – focus) Even now, while writing this, my mind wanders off to some place completely different and I do have to force myself to even finish this sentence.
Some people solve that problem by using dictation software, but I also think faster than I can talk. So reading a transcript of that is even worse. I mean, Jesus Christ. Who wants to edit that mess?
And so I have hundreds of text files with unfinished blog posts in my drafts folder.

Plus: I can happily have opposing ideas and opinions on most topics and find it rather complicated to put my personal reckons into words.
I mean, yes – how can you put pineapple on pizza? It’s not right and people who do this are clearly deranged perverts, but also that’s just silly food snobbery and maybe the Italians aren’t the only ones who get to decide what is good or not good on a pizza. People do have different tastes and a bit of tang can elevate a dish. There is something to be said about keeping traditions alive, in food as in life, as they are an important bedrock for culture, but on the other hand, how can we ever evolve if we don’t try new things and break with traditions? And when I said “deranged perverts” I obviously didn’t really mean “deranged perverts” just people who might like a pineapple on a pizza. Who am I to judge? I did like the pizza ai wurstel I had in Italy a few weeks back and frankly, putting sausage slices like this on a pizza – good grief. But: Italian, so it can’t be as bad as pineapple, right?

Now how to put that thought process into words?

Usually, in a chat environment (using chat as a communication tool – another unfinished blog post) this whole thing would play out as:

Q: Dominik, what do you think about pineapple on pizza?

[Dominik is typing…]
[Dominik is typing…]
[Dominik is typing…]
[Dominik is typing…]
[Dominik is typing…]

A: 🤷🏻‍♂️

Here’s the thing: I would really like to be a lot better at this. I do like the act of writing and I like the state of having written and since nobody is willing to listen to me ramble on anyway writing might be a good outlet. And I know that the best way to get better at it is to just do it all the time. Alas. Where to find the discipline and focus to do that? Just while writing this post, I also did the dishes, watched two YouTube videos, talked about airport departure boards with my friends in Slack, read a couple of posts in my feed reader, made coffee and had a little meltdown because what was supposed to be a marble cake turned more into an marble crumble.

I don’t even know where this is going. Right now we’re surely not where I thought we’d be when I opened my text editor.
It’s just something that is constantly in the back of my mind when I’m reading through my feed reader and people are just so good at writing.

And then of course there is always the question – how much do I really want to share online? Especially these days it seems like a dumb idea to feed the machine. But then I never got into the habit of writing a journal just for myself, so posting online is what I have. Oh well. Sorry.

2 weeks Dominik @dominik@lostfocus.de

Every year in October one part of my extended family has a big gathering at one of my uncle’s homes. And over the years, a certain routine in running that event has emerged – everyone has their role and by now it is a well oiled machine. Being one of the cousins I’m part of the group of people who move around all the furniture and set the tables.
In the first year or two, it took us more than an hour to get everything set up. We now have it down to just about a quarter of an hour. (And since we still arrive at his place as if we needed almost two hours, there’s a lot of newly freed up time for merriment until the rest of the family arrives. It’s great.)

And frankly – this is such a rush. I keep forgetting just how fun it is to be part of a team that smoothly works towards a common goal. And how much motivation it triggers for stuff that I wouldn’t normally care to do. I usually have no desire to move big heavy tables up and down a flight of stairs. It is actually rather fun when there’s a bunch of good people around with the same goals and and when there’s a point to all of the work.

And now, given that I’m in a bit of an existential crisis anyway because reasons, ¹ I start to ponder how I can re-introduce this type of teamwork and feeling of belonging to something into my everyday life. I know I used to have it but somehow bits of it fell away piece by piece without ever being replaced. Now if only I had a good idea on how I might make that happen.

1. Probably just a bog-standard midlife crisis. I think I saw a chart somewhere that says that most western men are the most unhappy about their lives in their mid-40s. Don’t quote me on that and frankly, I’m too lazy to look it up for now ↩︎