The next time a woman reaches down and compliments my approximation of a female gaze, I’ll probably act differently. I’ll meet it as I should, without thrill. I’ll tell myself an idealization can grow to be nine-tenths fetish and still call itself respect. I will resist a yowl—and know that I am gracious.

via: https://nottoby.substack.com/p/on-the-pedro-stal-the-pede-scal

The Not-Toby posts to end all Not-Toby posts.

The patriarchal masculine narrative, “he’s gotta have it,” tells us in effect that “young men are naturally predatory and must be disciplined into compliance.” This sense of a disgusting thing inside of me made me afraid of my masculinity, my self, for a very long time. I’m still afraid. How could I not be?

Just give me my ticket to hell already. I literally can’t win.

When Amia Srinivasan published The Right to Sex: Feminism in the Twenty-First Century in 2021, it sparked widespread debate about the politics of desire, consent, and sexual justice.

In this episode of The Exchange, the Oxford academic joins Tanjil Rashid to discuss how philosophy can illuminate some of the most contentious questions in contemporary culture: from incels and pornography to whether our desires are shaped by society.

In this chapter, we review an impressive body of research conducted during the past 20 years on sexual objectification, self-objectification, and their attendant consequences. We start with a description of how sexual objectification comes to be internalized as self-objectification in many girls and women. We then highlight exemplary research on the facets of sexual objectification and the deficits incurred by self-objectification. We review theories to explain the functions of sexual and self-objectification as a psychic defense against mortality concerns, as a bolster for justification of the patriarchal system, and as a vehicle for oppression by the powerful. Finally, we spotlight exciting directions in which the study of sexual objectification and self-objectification is forging ahead.

see: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Tomi-Ann-Roberts/publication/365409232_Objectification_Theory_Continuing_Contributions_to_Feminist_Psychology/

Something I’e had come up a couple of times.