Fire Maidens of Outer Space

Okay now let me get this straight, the people of Atlantis escaped their sinking continent by blasting off into space where they colonized the 13th moon of Jupiter so 3000 years ago. Now only a dozen or so are left and they are all young, attractive women and just one middle aged man who claims to be the father of all of them. As a certain pointy eared TV character might say, "Fascinating captain." This movie has got to be the culmination of many male fantasies all rolled into one. A bunch of guys from Earth land on the on the planet, which has breathable atmosphere and plenty of sunlight despite being hundreds of millions of miles further from the sun than Earth. They encounter a bunch of miniskirted, barefoot, submissive women (one of whom even exclaims "Men at last!" so you know what has been on their minds!) and get a chance to play hero by defeating a monster called The Creature (a man in a black bodysuit and a monster mask). Unique to say the least. Actually I found myself liking it because of its very ineptness. The photographer never lets us forget the girls sex appeal since the camera is often on ground level giving us a good look at their legs and there is also a long interpretive dance scene. I would say they don't make them like this anymore but the truth is the do, you can find movies similar to this on USA Network every Saturday night at 3 AM.

written, produced, and directed (already we're in trouble!) by Cy Roth, this is a film about empire building, megalomania, and a quest for vindication. By whom? By Cy Roth, that's by whom! Actually, this is a movie about five chain-smoking, er, "astronauts" who fly their V-2 rocket through some dangerous looking stock footage to the 13th moon of Jupiter where they discover: Atlantis(!), a bunch of pretty young girls running around in what look like tennis skirts, a laughably bad monster, and the sad realization that none of them should ever have quit their day jobs. This movie is so indescribably bad, so incredibly inept - the whole thing looks like it was shot in somebody's back yard - that it has to be seen to be believed. And through it all, the strains of Borodin's "Polovetsian Dance No. 2" aka "Stranger in Paradise" repeat and repeat and repeat like bad take-out. Take our word for it: see this movie once, and you will never again be able to listen to the aforementioned music without conjuring up visions of this awful, execrable film.

Somebody else mentioned the shocking level of product placement for Longines watches (and we thought that placement was new in the movie "2001"). What nobody else here has touched on is that dreadful loooooonnnnngggg scene in the observatory in England near the start of the movie where the secretary spends about 20 minutes (well, almost) just walking down the long stairs to bring a report to the chief astronomer, and then spends almost as long going back up (including opening and shutting the safety gate on the stairs...) Yes, truly a movie in which the concept of editing was only a slogan!

The rest of the comments above by previous commentators say it all, but I must point out that in the early days of analogue ship controls, all piloting functions appear to be digital, carried out by switching the positions of just two levers (in binary sequence?) to do everything - take off, land, dodge meteors, change course, etc... Even better, when the crew report in after quite a long flight, we cut back to the control centre on Earth, and yes, nobody has moved from their pre-launch positions! (Were their shoes nailed to the floor?)

In Britain, we don't get to see MST3K, so I watched this as a late-night stinker, and loved it. I shared the movie with friends on tape, and still feel that it's amongst the funniest B movies I have ever seen, right down there with Plan 9, and without the excuse that it was made by Ed Wood Jr!

This movie was shown repeatedly on TV between 1957 and the early 60s. Anyone who saw it in the 50s remembers the soundtrack and the hot Fire Maidens! It was a silly low-tech movie, yes, but it was no worse than any other implausible sci-fi flick of that pre-spaceflight era. This movie is what it is, and what it is, is a pleasurable escapist marshmallow. See it if you can - you'll get a few laughs out of it.

My one memory of this appalling movie is of the spaceship's captain extinguishing his cigarette to announce "gentlemen, it's time for us to synchronise our LONGINES watches with the LONGINES master clock." At which point, the screen is filled with a shot of a very large, very ordinary looking wall clock with a prominent LONGINES logo on its dial. The camera lingers....and lingers....meanwhile, the viewer makes a mental note "must buy Omega next time."