Jupiter's Darling

Esther Williams' swan song at MGM is also her final aquatic musical. Less significantly, it's also the last (and best) of the three movies Esther did with Howard Keel. It's a movie that takes place in ancient Rome where Esther plays Amytis, the object of affection for Roman ruler Fabius (George Sanders). Fabius is anticipating an attack on Rome from the famous military commander Hannibal (a bearded Howard Keel). When Hannibal meets Amytis, she tries to use her feminine charms to persuade him not to attack.

It's a silly movie but an enjoyable one that is better than its reputation suggests. The sets and costumes are all colorful and bright, though some today might find it all a bit corny. Esther is fit and gorgeous (those legs!) with a lovely underwater swimming number where she 'dances' with statues that come to life. A real classic and the highlight of the film. She does well in the romantic scenes with Howard Keel, who sings some forgettable tunes. I especially liked that Esther's character was so sexy and fun. Of the three films Keel and Esther did together, this is the one where they have the best chemistry. The cast backing up the leads is solid. George Sanders plays Fabius with as much seriousness as he can muster considering how silly the whole thing must have seemed to him. Richard Hayden is oddly enjoyable as the singing storyteller Horatio. Others in the cast include William Demarest, Douglas Dumbrille, Michael Ansara, and dancing couple Gower & Marge Champion. The Champions perform the "If This Be Slavery" number ("Hooray for slavery!"), which has some lyrics that are funny when taken out of context. Most of the songs and dance numbers are nothing to write home about but none are terrible. Anything with Esther is worth seeing just for her smile...and those legs!

Believe it or not, there's actually a song whose lyrics sing, "If this be slavery, then give me slavery. If this be slavery, I don't want to be free!" Not only did someone think to write it, but the song was given the green light by Hollywood producers, put into a film, performed by the dance duo Marge and Gower Champion, and not cut from the final film! That should give you an idea as to the quality of music featured in the Esther Williams vehicle Jupiter's Darling.

Esther Williams is engaged to Roman leader George Sanders, but she's drawn to Howard Keel, who's made it his mission to attack and conquer Rome. It's quite a love triangle, because Howard Keel isn't the most likable guy ever written, but he sings powerfully seductive songs and even picks up and moves a real leopard guarding Esther's bed! My one question is why didn't George Sanders get any songs? He showed off his beautiful voice in Call Me Madam, but maybe Hollywood didn't want to give Howard Keel any competition-not that he'd really have any. He's clearly the manly macho one in the movie, and he's scantily dressed, giving audiences an up close and personal view of his macho manliness.

Still, while Howard Keel is able to save a couple of songs in the movie, unless you're an Esther Williams fan, you probably won't end up renting this one. Underwater dancing is a very specialized talent, one that not everyone likes to watch. Then again, you might get a kick out of Richard Haydn sounding very much like his famous Caterpillar role from Alice in Wonderland. Or, you might enjoy looking at Howard Keel in a Greek warrior outfit that barely fits him. One more thing: This is a little criticism, but I do have it-there's a Marge and Gower Champion song performed alongside a couple of elephants, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the animals. One was supposed to fall over and roll around, while the dancers make fun of it, but to me, it wasn't cute.

Unless someone tells you in advance that "Jupiter's Darling" is a spoof, you may be like me and wonder through the first part of the film exactly what you are watching. I thought it was a badly made "serious" musical. And I wonder if calling it a "spoof" forgives a film for its bad elements? Bad dancing. Stilted lyrics. Questionable artistic choices. Awkward moments. The beginning of this film is plagued with them. Once you take the film to be a spoof, some of them can be forgiven--IF you are sure that the silliness is intentional. I am not sure all of it is.

When Esther Williams sings "I Had a Dream", you might be surprised to hear her sing. I was. Then I learned that it was dubbed by Jo Ann Greer. Good choice of singer, because it sounds like Esther's voice. Note that she sings while swimming. That's a little awkward. And then the number turns (appropriately) into a dream sequence. Even if you find the film less than excellent, it's a number that is interesting--filmed to give the illusion that it was done without coming up for air.

Howard Keel, as Hannibal, is the romantic interest. He lends his booming voice to some silly lyrics. I had the recurring impression I was listening to The Grinch.

Another interesting thing: the opening line of one song ("Don't Let This Night Get Away") sounded remarkably like the opening line of "A Woman in Love" from "Guys and Dolls", released the same year.

Besides the underwater dance sequence I mentioned, there is another that is worth seeing for its uniqueness. Marge and Gower Champion sing "The Life of an Elephant" while dancing among elephants that perform tricks. Both sequences must have been tedious to film.

One element that that I found superior throughout was the costuming.

Enormous in scope and production with elephants, horses, and a cast of thousands of costumed, weaponized extras, this picture is a cute diversion for an hour and a half. Esther Williams is downright gorgeous, period. The superbly dependable Howard Keel didn't have to visit the cafeteria, inasmuch as he spent the whole picture chewing the scenery. The battle scenes were well-shot, the humor and 1955ish lust delightfully presented. The Champions deliver their usual athletic dence routines to witty choreography by Hermes Pan. Unfortunately, the lyrics of the infrequent songs are abysmal, probably the result of a competition MGM sponsored for high school students. Fortunately, the tuneless, unmemorable music for these songs stoops to the level of the words. Still, just to catch an eyeful of the well-put-together Ms. Williams and Mr. Keel make this a pleasant way to kill an hour and a half.

Historically hysterically satirical, this showcase for the swimming talents of Olympian-turned-actress Esther Williams and the vocal talents of the great Howard Keel, is ostensibly set in the Roman Empire but reeks of 1950s Hollywood. Based on the landmark 1927 play "The Road to Rome" by the great Robert Sherwood, this movie did not fare well at the box office, but the reason may be that it was too racy, the lyrics and dialogue too ironic for the times. Dealing humorously with Hannibal's march on Rome, the story line is really a plea against war and features a gloriously athletic Williams driving a chariot, looking like Wonder Woman, and escaping her pursuers in a breathtaking underwater chase scene. Marge and Gower Champion's dance sequences are equally athletic and mesmerizing, especially their dance with Hannibal's elephants. While the songs may not be particularly memorable, the lyrics are often hilarious, especially "If This Be Slav'ry" and "Never Trust a Woman." The narration sung/spoken by Richard Haydn is also an amusing touch. The film opens with a caveat that sets the tone: "In 216 B.C., Hannibal the Barbarian marched on Rome. The history of this great march has always been confused. This picture will do nothing to clear it up."