The Astounding She-Monster

1957's "The Astounding She-Monster" was a micro budget independent picked up by AIP, shot in four to six days in December 1956 by first time director/producer Ronnie Ashcroft (after working on Roger Corman's "Day the World Ended"), the budget of $18,000 sadly apparent on screen, lots of pointless narration, interminable driving, and wandering the woods waiting for the director to yell 'cut.' The presence of Kenne Duncan from "Night of the Ghouls" indicates the probable involvement of maverick filmmaker Ed Wood, whose more lively antics are certainly more watchable than this gabfest. The most inept trio of kidnappers are forced off the road by the mysterious appearance of 'a naked dame' who literally glows in the dark (the original shooting title was in fact "Naked Invader"), a recently arrived alien visitor (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch means instant death for snakes, bears, dogs, and humans. Robert Clarke's geologist shelters the thugs and their wealthy socialite victim in his mountain cabin, worrying about phone calls, police bulletins, and the search for booze until our space babe makes a nuisance of herself. It's a pleasure to see the villains knocked off but it's still a slog sitting through a plot that cannot sustain feature length. We never see any sign of Shirley's spaceship and her one piece outfit isn't as sexy as the curvaceous poster that undoubtedly made it a hit, while her background as a popular pinup model offers another reason for the picture's endurance (the obese Shirley Stoler who starred in 1970's "The Honeymoon Killers" was a different actress though they do share a similarity in looks). Clarke was dismayed by the final results yet so astonished by its success (his investment yielded a tidy $3000) that he figured he could do better, directing his own vehicle a year later with "The Hideous Sun Demon"; unfortunately he chose a distributor that went belly up rather quickly, sinking all potential profits.

Others have commented upon the similarities between this and an Ed Wood film. I submit to you that these are more than mere similarities...

First of all, the box copy on the DVD from Image states: "Producer-Director Ronnie Ashcroft's first feature film venture guided by his friend and mentor Edward D. Wood Jr., whose "uncredited" help gives this film that unmistakable "scent" of Wood." Quote by Wade Williams. The box also states: "Consultant: Edward D. Wood Jr. (uncredited)."

Just what exactly are we trying to say here, Mr. Williams? Just come out with it! Could it have anything to do with the fact that Ed Wood stock player Kenne Duncan appears here? How about the film's writer, the alleged Frank Hall? He has no other credits at all on the IMDb. Could that be one Edward Wood under a pseudonym? Ed almost always put his own name on films he either directed or wrote, but he was known to use pseudonyms on many of the paperback novels he wrote in the 1960's and 70's.

I have not checked Ed's biography for any possible information on this film, but could it be that this film was actually written by the Anti-Master himself? And what does Wade Williams have to say on this theory? Clearly, the matter needs further investigation.

Anyway, this is a hilariously bad film. If Ed didn't write this film, it's right in his wheelhouse. Ridiculous dialog and lots of scenes with no dialog at all since they were shot with no sound. Lots of scenes that drag on (did I say drag? In a discussion about Ed Wood? That was a bad pun, I guess) and on and go nowhere. In other words: prime Badfilm.

Ed Wood fans, be aware. You may want to give this one a spin in the old machine. Normal people will not enjoy it though. If you are normal, stay away.

WARNING: "The Astounding She-Monster" is a movie for people with highly specialized tastes. It tells the story of a trio of kidnappers, their socialite victim, the geologist whose house they invade, AND a blond, radium-emitting alien in tight spandex who crash-lands her spacecraft near that same house. Potential viewers of this film must possess the following traits: They must love movies that are made on the supercheap, and that contain no outdoor synch dialogue; movies in which egregious day-for-night photography is used, worse than anything in "Plan 9," and in which non sequitur music that bears little relation to the story is standard. These viewers should also be OK with inept direction; the insertion of long, meaningless shots; offscreen narration that sounds as if it's being read by a hypnotized dodo; Grade Z acting by a six-person cast (well, maybe Robert Clarke gives a Grade D performance); and "special" effects that look as though they were filmed through a Vaseline-smeared camera lens. It also wouldn't hurt if potential viewers didn't mind scratchy-looking prints on their DVD, with abysmal sound that keeps dropping out, and with hardly an "extra" to be found. If the above seems to match your highly specialized tastes, then "The Astounding She-Monster" might be just the flick for you. Only don't say I didn't warn you!

This is the type of movie that if you were watching it when it first came out in 1957, you probably would have had the pants scared off you.

Looking at it today, this is a movie that you can sit and watch with a bunch of friends and laugh. It's so ludicrous!!

The 'special effects' surrounding our monster heroine are so bad and very erratic. Sometimes you see them and sometimes you don't.

It's supposed to be night time, so how come when they are driving the jeep to try to escape, there is sunlight on the surrounding hills and sometimes our friends are driving right through the sunlight.

My favorite character in this movie is the head thug, Nat Burdell. He's so 'tough', he's almost lovable. Looking at the list of movies that he has participated in since the early 1940's, he seems to be an accomplished actor. Things really must have been very bad in his personal life to wind up in a film like this. Who said that good acting was a requirement for this film???

But all in all, if you're looking for some light-hearted movie to enjoy (don't expect anything great), either by yourself or with some friends, and you're just passing the time, RENT THIS MOVIE!!!!! YOU WON"T BE DISAPPOINTED!!!!!

It's amazing to me how films this poor continue to have a commercial life, but the recent DVD release of this Bomb just proves that some people will watch anything (like me, unfortunately)!

Produced on the cheap (maybe a couple of week's worth of a kid's school lunch money), pic features a mysterious, glowing Alien female (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch brings instant death. Miss Astounding gets mixed up with some kidnappers (led by Kenne Duncan) and their victims on a secluded mountain range and gradually picks them off one by one until vanquished by a stalwart geologist (Robert Clarke). Ridiculous denouement suggests that our title monster was sent to Earth as an Emissary of peace. You could have fooled me.

Production values are strictly from hunger and the film has the amateurish look of a home movie. Poorly edited and with horrible sound, it's a chore to sit through. Although music is credited to an individual, the soundtrack sounds more like a collection of poorly matched library music cues.

This flick started the downward spiral of Clarke's movie career, which reached it's nadir with a string of films with world class hack Jerry Warren. Warren no doubt used this production as inspiration for his "ouerve". Movies of this type have garnered a reputation for being "So Bad, they're good!". This one's just plain bad.