Invasion of the Neptune Men

I had the rare privilege of seeing this movie in three of its incarnations: the first being on MST3k, the second being a dubbed US version on tape, and the third being a very rare uncut laserdisk version of the film in the original Japanese. And after seeing this film in all three of its mediums, I must say that it still sucks no matter how you look at it. Everything in this film is just....wrong. The acting, the directing, the kids in little shorts, and of course let us not forget the stock footage featuring the famous "Hitler Building". But if you thought that the US dubbed version was bad (which is what most people have probably seen), well then you'll probably go blind watching the original uncut Japanese version. At least whichever American company that bought the rights from TOEI to feature this film in America had the good sense to cut out the little sing-a-long Mr. Tabana and his children do at the end of the film, praising the bravery of Iron Sharp (a.k.a. Space Chief, or Chef, or whatever) in bad harmony. Too bad they didnt show that on MST3K.

All in all, the movie does have a good point, that being its so bad, its almost funny. Other than that, if your looking for a more serious Japanese Sci-Fi film, then Prince of Space might be a better choice.

Wow! This movie (I use the term loosely) really, really sucked. Thankfully I saw it with Mike and the 'bots...and they could barely make it through this abortion. I could barely make it through. Waaaaaay too much stock footage, waaaaay to many annoying kids. What made "Prince of Space" at least mildly amusing was the phantom of Krankor. At least he had a personality. The neptune suppositories down even talk.

Gather round the campfire, children, and listen to the story of the great Space Chief!! Who sucked. He rode around in a bumpy car that, when lit on fire, sent him into space. But enough about me, let's talk about the children!! They were the real heroes here and the next time some crazy dj-aliens with records stuck to their heads come through the electro-barrier, I'm hoping those kids'll be around to get into level 5 security areas and figure that baby out all on their own. Cause goshdarnit, they've done it before.

Remember "Prince of Space"? MST3K # 816? Okay. This is basically a remake of that. Instead of Prince of Space, though, we get Space Chief, another effeminent, hopping hero. Instead of the chicken-men of Krankor, we get mute, bullet-headed robots who have trouble walking and fall down at the tiniest hint of danger. And instead of two annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids we get SIX annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids. Slow the whole thing down, add lots of scenes of Japanese people talking in poorly lit rooms, and actual war footage instead of special effects, and you've got one of the worse movies ever made. I know that phrase is over-used and has little or no impact anymore, but this movie really is almost unbearable. It's amazing! It's joyless, depressing, AND technically inept!

Enjoy the Hitler building.

I can't talk long, I've picked up a case of Roji Pantie Complex after watching this horrible abortion of a film and I'm very weak. Mike is administering panties to me, but my body can only absorb so many at a time.

In this alleged movie, a group of boring alien invaders decide to cause random acts of violence on Earth in an attempt to take over the planet, but their schemes are constantly thwarted by Space Chief, strange visitor from another galaxy whose flying car shoots laser beams. A group of small Japanese children are also on hand at every major incident, and who seemingly are the nation's greatest natural resource as they have the power to discover valuable information and run really fast all over the place without ever getting tired.

Yes sir, the scientists and military are helpless against an alien race that flies around in giant Pringles can with wings, but the day it ultimately saved thanks to a dork in a flying car and six of the most annoying children you'll ever meet. God bless Japan for making this movie.

Once again, a horrible film is almost saved from being completely unwatchable thanks to the wonderful running commentary of Mike and the 'bots from "Mystery Science Theater 3000." But I do stress almost -- there are times when ever the mighty ones on the Satellite of Love can't withstand the boredom and non-action of "Uchu Kaisoku-sen" (aka "Invasion of the Neptune Men"), and you do have to despise a film that has the nerve to introduce an intergalactic "hero" like Space Chief but then have him suspiciously absent through most of the film.

The stock footage explosions are the most insulting, of course. Someone should feel very ashamed for including the "Hitler Building" in the explosion stock footage. Very dishonorable, Mr. Editor. Hang your head in shame.

2 out 10 stars. Japan should be tried for war crimes for producing this motion picture. P.S. Come back, "Prince of Space!" All is forgiven!