The Long Ships

Churned out at pretty much the end of the cycle of epics, THE LONG SHIPS was NEVER meant to be taken seriously! Richard Widmark understood that - what's with this plethora of pseudo-intellectual reviews decrying cinematic and plotline aspects here. Wake up and smell the roses people, this is one for all and ALL for fun!

Even Poitier, hamming it up as OTHELLO with a wicked hairdresser, was secretly having fun! The whole misbegotten tale of the fabled golden bell was little more than a cack-fest but by GOD was the musical score great or what? I can still hear Dusan's stirring theme now, and I only saw the flick once at its Sydney premiere in '63.

Action aplenty, outrageous script and despite accusations to the contrary here, some gung-ho cinematography. This was never gonna be up for any Oscars, Widmark, Homolka and three quarters of the cast in fact, saw to that!

In reading some of the other reviews I learned that The Long Ships was based on a rather serious work of medieval fiction. That's certainly did not come out in this film which has all the appearances of something that Vince McMahon might have directed.

I'm guessing that Richard Widmark, Sidney Poitier and the rest of the cast wanted to do something that paid well without too much strain on the talent. In addition, Poitier for the only time in his career, got to play a villain. He hams up his part as a poor man's Othello with real relish.

There's a little Captain Ahab in Poitier's Othello impersonation as well. He's a Moorish prince obsessed with finding a legendary golden bell. When he hear's of Richard Widmark spinning tales in the market place for pin money he has him summoned.

Widmark escapes by diving out a window from a height and the next thing you hear from him is that he's washed up on Viking shores. I'm not sure the writers didn't want you to think he swam from Morocco to Norway either. Any how he tries to get a ship from dad, Oscar Homolka. The only ship available is the ship Homolka built for the Norse king. To insure the Norse king doesn't kill his Homolka, younger brother Russ Tamblyn kidnaps his daughter who he has a thing for in any event. And back they go to find the bell.

Richard Widmark is not known as a player who's best at comedy, but he seems to get in the spirit of the lightheartedness. Russ Tamblyn who was finding less and less employment as a dancer got to show a lot of athleticism in dueling sequences. The guy who seemed to be really enjoying making this film however was Oscar Homolka.

Jack Cardiff directed this film and he's probably best known as the United Kingdom's premier color cinematographer. The Long Ships has some of his best work and it also has a stirring musical score.

I saw this film in theaters as a teen and over forty years later I still enjoy this rollicking medieval romp.

Vince McMahon couldn't have staged it better.

"The Long Ships" is the story of a mighty gold bell "as tall as three tall men," the one people call the Mother of Voices, cast long ago by the monks of Byzantium…

Prince Aly Mansuh had searched from the mountains to the sea for the bell… Now he must know what lies beyond the horizon until Allah's divine guidance leads him to the treasures of Islam…

Prince Aly's wife Aminah thinks that her husband is chasing a legend, a fairy tale that has already cost them dearly in lives and gold… But the prince is no dreamer… He is sure that the bell does exist and it rests somewhere in this world, in a Christian land… For him it was stolen by the Christian armies when they plundered their way across his cities to the dishonor and humiliation of his ancestors…

In that morning, the obsessed Moorish prince is informed by his guards that a stranger in the market knows the whereabouts of the golden bell… The stranger is arrested and taken to a tower for interrogation… The stranger assures to the prince that he knows nothing but stories and legends, and swears that, out in the market he was trying to earn some money for food and shelter… He also said that he is a sailor, a dreamer, a Norseman, a Viking who was shipwrecked and was simply trying to get back to his homeland…

Richard Widmark is the true Norse warrior who swallowed the ocean… He tells his father that he has returned because he needs another ship and another crew… Rolfe said that he had found the bell… He heard it booming away like a god's hammer on a mountain of ice… Nothing else would've brought him back after losing his ship… That ship cost his father the tribute money he owed the king…

Sydney Poitier promised Rolfe that he would not be prepared to die so calmly… He shall give him an example of real courage that comes from authority, 'his' authority… Aly Mansuh asks Lady Aminah to select one of his guards to be the first to feel the kiss of steel before the Viking…

Rosanna Schiaffino could offer Rolfe and his comrades the chance to live and to sail from these shores as rich men… With fire in her cheeks, Lady Aminah looked lovely as the most envied woman with eye-catching legs…

Orm (Russ Tamblyn) asks the great Odin what did they do that he turns his rage against them ruining his father…

Gerda (Beba Loncar) is the beautiful snow princess taken as a hostage and whom to be sacrificed as a maiden to lift the curse of the death ship…

Krok (Oskar Homolka) is the old, ruined man who asks himself how a thane whose entire fortune consists of two gold pieces, find or even equip another ship…

King Harald (Clifford Evas) practically stole the ship build by Krok's men… He cheated the broken man in giving him two gold pieces for his funeral ship, the difference between the ship's price and two years' tribute he owes him…

Sven (Edward Judd) is the sailing master to King Harald of Norseland who really thinks the ship is cursed for being a funeral ship… He commands the sailors, these 'greedy devils' to turn back or they'll be hanged in the king's name…

With great stars, mutinous sailors, beautiful cinematography, and a look at a Moorish harem, "The Long Ships" remains another fine Viking adventure with a lot of humor and fun

The Long Ships is a rather unremarkable Viking adventure, barring one scene that involves an eye-wateringly nasty method of execution called 'The Mare of Steel'; I haven't seen this film since I was a child, but I can still vividly recall how the poor vikings were sent to their gruesome death, sliced down the middle while sliding down the Mare's large and wickedly sharp blade.

Except that this isn't what happens, as I have just found out by at long last revisiting the film. Over the years, my memory has been deceiving me: the scene in question is extremely tame, only one person, a Moorish guard, riding the Mare, his demise not in the least bit graphic, making the film as a whole quite the disappointment.

The humdrum story sees ruffian Rolfe (Richard Widmark) leading a group of scrawny Viking warriors on a quest to find a fabled bell made of solid gold. Also looking for the bell is Moorish king Aly Mansuh (Sidney Poitier), who isn't about to let the pale northerners steal his prize.

Poorly executed action scenes rub shoulders with moments of embarrassingly bad slapstick comedy (the raucous vikings' wild antics—drinking, brawling and raping—are played for laughs), leading to an uneven film that lacks the rousing sense of adventure to be found in the earlier Hollywood viking epic The Vikings (1958).

A usually reliable cast do little to distinguish this mediocre romp, Poitier clearly not taking matters seriously judging by his ridiculous James Brown hairdo, Widmark and Russ Tamblyn (as Rolfe's younger brother Orm) failing to put any swash into their buckling, and Brit comic actor Lionel Jeffries camping it up in black-face as an effete eunuch!

And don't even get me started on the film's many goofs, which include the massive bell being towed on a raft (which would sink immediately under the weight of all that gold), Rolfe seemingly able to swim from the Barbary coast to Scandinavia, and the small matter of who has been ringing the bell all this time and why (the rocky outcrop on which it is found being totally deserted).

My rating: 5 deafening golden bell bongs out of 10. Moderately entertaining, but mostly for the wrong reasons.

Considering Kirk Douglas, only five years before, has made of his 'The Vikings' the definitive viking epic, not so bad we could be entertained with a lighthearted version of the norwegian warriors. Sort of a 'comic relief' after the bloody, harsh, moody Douglas unsurpassed masterpiece.

Not to be taken seriously, this one. Directed by Jack Cardiff ('The Vikings' cinematographer), it offers fun, adventure, and a semi-Monty Python approach at times. The plot is the silliest ever, acting is hammy to the best, but what the hell?

The Othelo-tailored moor, cortesy of Sidney Poitier, is straight. The nice Russ Tamblyn makes his best. Rossana Schiaffino is traffic-stopper, jawbreaker, but this is a Richard Widmark's movie from the beginning to the end, because he is the only one who clearly got the point across: he is taken nothing, absolutely nothing, too seriously! He is clearly blinking an eye to all off us viewers all the time, saying: "Relax, folks, it's only a movie! Let's have fun!"

Somewhere in this very picture a given viking sighs: 'there's no real vikings anymore, like in the old times!" Man, they stayed all in the Kirk Douglas' movie, you bet! In this one, just tongue-in-cheek slapstick. Where's my popcorn pack?