The Long Ships

Churned out at pretty much the end of the cycle of epics, THE LONG SHIPS was NEVER meant to be taken seriously! Richard Widmark understood that - what's with this plethora of pseudo-intellectual reviews decrying cinematic and plotline aspects here. Wake up and smell the roses people, this is one for all and ALL for fun!

Even Poitier, hamming it up as OTHELLO with a wicked hairdresser, was secretly having fun! The whole misbegotten tale of the fabled golden bell was little more than a cack-fest but by GOD was the musical score great or what? I can still hear Dusan's stirring theme now, and I only saw the flick once at its Sydney premiere in '63.

Action aplenty, outrageous script and despite accusations to the contrary here, some gung-ho cinematography. This was never gonna be up for any Oscars, Widmark, Homolka and three quarters of the cast in fact, saw to that!

The entertaining if somewhat protracted interest in spectacular pseudo- and quasi-classical myths, legends, histories and fantasies has been a healthy undercurrent in popular film from right around the time when Jack Cardiff's The Long Ships was released. While more of a Viking romp set in 'ye olden tymes' than a grand classical spectacle like Jason and Argonauts, The Long Ships has just enough class to keep you entertained and just enough spoof to make you chuckle. Forget history, ignore reality, and enjoy.

Richard Widmark, surprisingly, makes for a convincing Viking adventurer. Rolfe (Widmark) is an extremely ambiguous character around which the entire story revolves. Is he a pathological liar, a loyal son, a dreamer, or a visionary? Perhaps he is all of the above. Rolfe loses his ship and crew in a maelstrom somewhere in the lands of the Moors. He tells stories for spare change in a Moorish market and catches the ear of one of the local ruler's guards when he tells a story concerning a solid gold bell the size of three tall men.

The ruler - Aly Mansur - is played by the always excellent Sidney Poitier. Mansur is obsessed with the symbols of wealth and power and has been seeking this very same bell for years. His wife, played by the beautiful and talented Rosanna Schiaffino, is his more rational half. She plays an important role in the development of all three of the central characters. Claiming that he was just telling a story, Rolfe finally escapes Mansur's torture by making a spectacular dive from the ruler's prison tower into the sea. Apparently, he then swims home to Scandinavia, arriving at his home town only to find that his father has been made destitute by the king's wheeling and dealing.

So he makes his pitch and recruits the aid of his naive younger brother, a new crew, and a hostage (the king's maiden daughter) to steal the king's best ship and pursue the mythical bell. For the sake of brevity, I'll stop my description of the plot here, though I could easily go on for several pages without a spoiler. A lot happens.

Director Cardiff was well known for his cinematography (winning several awards, including a pair of Oscars). Although The Long Ships was not one of his more memorable efforts, the camera work is solid. The special effects, even for its time, however, are nothing special. Some of the maritime scenes are, frankly, not very good. And unfortunately, the editor chose to use the same scenes twice in order to save a few pennies.

Widmark shows his versatility nicely here. While playing shady characters is no stretch for this great actor, he manages to play up the comedic elements of the story - which are plenty - without losing Rolfe's dangerous ambiguity, upon which the entire story turns. The supporting cast is generally very good. And the stunt team should be legendary. The Long Ships incorporates a surprising amount of wild slapstick silliness into its highly choreographed fight scenes. I imagine that the film resulted in many bruised backs, sore shins and twisted ankles.

Although replete with violence, most of the gore remains implied, and The Long Ships succeeds as a goofy adventure primarily for young and young-old boys.

The Long Ships is a rather unremarkable Viking adventure, barring one scene that involves an eye-wateringly nasty method of execution called 'The Mare of Steel'; I haven't seen this film since I was a child, but I can still vividly recall how the poor vikings were sent to their gruesome death, sliced down the middle while sliding down the Mare's large and wickedly sharp blade.

Except that this isn't what happens, as I have just found out by at long last revisiting the film. Over the years, my memory has been deceiving me: the scene in question is extremely tame, only one person, a Moorish guard, riding the Mare, his demise not in the least bit graphic, making the film as a whole quite the disappointment.

The humdrum story sees ruffian Rolfe (Richard Widmark) leading a group of scrawny Viking warriors on a quest to find a fabled bell made of solid gold. Also looking for the bell is Moorish king Aly Mansuh (Sidney Poitier), who isn't about to let the pale northerners steal his prize.

Poorly executed action scenes rub shoulders with moments of embarrassingly bad slapstick comedy (the raucous vikings' wild antics—drinking, brawling and raping—are played for laughs), leading to an uneven film that lacks the rousing sense of adventure to be found in the earlier Hollywood viking epic The Vikings (1958).

A usually reliable cast do little to distinguish this mediocre romp, Poitier clearly not taking matters seriously judging by his ridiculous James Brown hairdo, Widmark and Russ Tamblyn (as Rolfe's younger brother Orm) failing to put any swash into their buckling, and Brit comic actor Lionel Jeffries camping it up in black-face as an effete eunuch!

And don't even get me started on the film's many goofs, which include the massive bell being towed on a raft (which would sink immediately under the weight of all that gold), Rolfe seemingly able to swim from the Barbary coast to Scandinavia, and the small matter of who has been ringing the bell all this time and why (the rocky outcrop on which it is found being totally deserted).

My rating: 5 deafening golden bell bongs out of 10. Moderately entertaining, but mostly for the wrong reasons.

In reading some of the other reviews I learned that The Long Ships was based on a rather serious work of medieval fiction. That's certainly did not come out in this film which has all the appearances of something that Vince McMahon might have directed.

I'm guessing that Richard Widmark, Sidney Poitier and the rest of the cast wanted to do something that paid well without too much strain on the talent. In addition, Poitier for the only time in his career, got to play a villain. He hams up his part as a poor man's Othello with real relish.

There's a little Captain Ahab in Poitier's Othello impersonation as well. He's a Moorish prince obsessed with finding a legendary golden bell. When he hear's of Richard Widmark spinning tales in the market place for pin money he has him summoned.

Widmark escapes by diving out a window from a height and the next thing you hear from him is that he's washed up on Viking shores. I'm not sure the writers didn't want you to think he swam from Morocco to Norway either. Any how he tries to get a ship from dad, Oscar Homolka. The only ship available is the ship Homolka built for the Norse king. To insure the Norse king doesn't kill his Homolka, younger brother Russ Tamblyn kidnaps his daughter who he has a thing for in any event. And back they go to find the bell.

Richard Widmark is not known as a player who's best at comedy, but he seems to get in the spirit of the lightheartedness. Russ Tamblyn who was finding less and less employment as a dancer got to show a lot of athleticism in dueling sequences. The guy who seemed to be really enjoying making this film however was Oscar Homolka.

Jack Cardiff directed this film and he's probably best known as the United Kingdom's premier color cinematographer. The Long Ships has some of his best work and it also has a stirring musical score.

I saw this film in theaters as a teen and over forty years later I still enjoy this rollicking medieval romp.

Vince McMahon couldn't have staged it better.

Considering Kirk Douglas, only five years before, has made of his 'The Vikings' the definitive viking epic, not so bad we could be entertained with a lighthearted version of the norwegian warriors. Sort of a 'comic relief' after the bloody, harsh, moody Douglas unsurpassed masterpiece.

Not to be taken seriously, this one. Directed by Jack Cardiff ('The Vikings' cinematographer), it offers fun, adventure, and a semi-Monty Python approach at times. The plot is the silliest ever, acting is hammy to the best, but what the hell?

The Othelo-tailored moor, cortesy of Sidney Poitier, is straight. The nice Russ Tamblyn makes his best. Rossana Schiaffino is traffic-stopper, jawbreaker, but this is a Richard Widmark's movie from the beginning to the end, because he is the only one who clearly got the point across: he is taken nothing, absolutely nothing, too seriously! He is clearly blinking an eye to all off us viewers all the time, saying: "Relax, folks, it's only a movie! Let's have fun!"

Somewhere in this very picture a given viking sighs: 'there's no real vikings anymore, like in the old times!" Man, they stayed all in the Kirk Douglas' movie, you bet! In this one, just tongue-in-cheek slapstick. Where's my popcorn pack?