Dateline Diamonds

An otherwise nifty heist caper... with an agenda to promote the British band SMALL FACES... has two fitting actors, old and young, both having starred in several crime b-pictures, beginning with William Lucas, who played every incarnation of criminal... from cold-blooded to cowardly from THE BREAK to CALCULATED RISK to PAYROLL... and the intensely vulnerable Kenneth Cope from JUNGLE STREET, THE CONVICT and THE DAMNED...

Herein, Cope is the crooked manager of the band, and Lucas has his number... an intense actor never using costumes but here he resembles Inspector Clouseau if originally cast Peter Ustinov played him more straight, and his anti-chemistry with the younger Cope works surprisingly well... yet they mostly work together by remaining apart...

One scene shows Lucas stealing the diamonds, practically in real-time, step-by-step for a suspenseful ten-minutes where it seems anything can happen, especially with detective duo Conrad Phillips and George Mikell garnering more sporadic screen-time than the first-billed crooks: but what's supposed to matter is a rushed ending where the band plays a song or two, and the previous dirty work means nothing...

A shame because the terrifically pulpy-titled DATELINE DIAMONDS ultimately wastes a potentially good villain AND cop duo, entangled in an interesting plot... all so a music group could get a number one hit, which never panned-out: at least not because of this mostly forgotten programmer.

You're unlikely to come across this movie unless you're a) a big fan of the Small Faces, b) a connoisseur of British B-pictures, or c) an insomniac. However, should an opportunity to see DATELINE DIAMONDS present itself to you, there are worse ways to spend an hour and a half, such as watching Birmingham City FC.

The plot manages to encompass diamond smuggling, '60s music, international police co-operation, safe-cracking, pirate radio, and the frantic plugging of as many different bands as the running time would permit.

There is the customary fun to be had spotting various British actors and actresses although I, as a David Hemmings fan, was disappointed to discover he wasn't in it (unless it was literally a blink-and-you'll-miss-him appearance). There is also quite a well detailed sequence where the chief bounder breaks into a safe in, where else, Hatton Garden.

My wife said "it's so bad, it's good", but it was so bad it was dreadful.

The music aspect was just embarrassing and The Chantells "performing" on Radio London must be one of the most cringeworthy scenes I have ever seen.

The crime story was also absurd. The break in (that should be walk in) of the jewellers and the blowing of the safe was just ridiculous.

Don't waste your time, even for a glimpse of the very early days of The Small Faces and a fresh faced Kenny Everett.

Kenneth Cope is a manager for some up-and-coming rock acts. He's also a former criminal, having been jugged for stealing army property. Former officer William Lucas uses this to blackmail him into moving diamonds Lucas steals across international borders.

So this movie has a little bit of everything for a wide variety of audiences: crime, Interpol chasing the criminals, jewelry and rock & roll. What it does not have is decent editing to keep the various subplots straight, nor anything in the way of characterization beyond the characters telling each other who and what they are. At the end of its 70 minutes, there are plenty of loose threads left dangling. I suppose they hoped that no one would notice.

I'm not sure if the Chantelles, Kiki Dee and the Small Faces had the same record company, but you could easily be forgiven for thinking so as they feature substantially amongst this otherwise rather poor diamond heist caper with William Lucas as "Maj. Fairclough" who ropes the heavily indebted Kenneth Cope ("Benson") who manages the Small Faces, into a diamond smuggling racket using the famous "Big L" pirate radio ship as their conduit to Rotterdam. The performances - especially an early one from Kiki Dee are all this has going for it - and that's not really saying much. The sheer silliness of the last half hour as the police close in on their safecracker tests even the most enthusiastic supporter of serendipity in a police investigation. If you are a fan of 1960s pop culture, then it might just be worth watching but otherwise...