Tony Curtis credited as playing...
Col. Tom Ferris
- Tom Ferris: You're Italian, aren't you?
- Julietta Parodi: Yes.
- Tom Ferris: But you're blonde.
- Julietta Parodi: It's not allowed?
- Tom Ferris: Oh, I'm not complaining. But, it's just that I never think of brunettes as blondes. I-I mean Italian. I-I mean it's usually more one way than the other. I mean, whatever the other way was, I like it better your way. Yes, that's what I mean.
- Tom Ferris: Well, yours ain't too bad.
- 'Tank' Martin: Mine? I figured she was more your style.
- Tom Ferris: Mine?
- 'Tank' Martin: Yeah. Rather attractive, I think.
- Tom Ferris: Yeah, if you're crazy about Thomas Jefferson.
- General Milt Walters: What's the poop on the General's new exec, eh, what's his name, Williams?
- Tom Ferris: No, sir. It's Wilson.
- General Milt Walters: Oh, yeah.
- Tom Ferris: Terrence Wilson. West Point '28. DFC. Advisor. Chief of Staff. Pentagon. First-class game of bridge, sir. Golf handicap is four.
- General Milt Walters: Fine.
- Tom Ferris: Now, just a moment, sir. Excuse me. Likes Polish vodka on the rocks. Large with the ladies. Preference blondes. As a matter of fact, preference any kind of woman, sir.
- BBC Commentator: General, BBC. Would you care to make a statement?
- Tom Ferris: Yes.
- [reciting limerick]
- Tom Ferris: There was a young girl from East Lynn, Who daily drank four quarts of gin, When told that she shouldn't, She said that she wouldn't, Except it was good for her skin.
- BBC Commentator: Thank you, General. I know that our viewers will be deeply reassured by your words.
- Tom Ferris: I'm gonna be jammed right to the hatch.
- Julietta Parodi: How much room can it take?
- Tom Ferris: Can what take?
- Julietta Parodi: A little corkscrew. A corkscrew only that big. You can stick it ANYWHERE!
- Tom Ferris: I loved your voice, but now that I can see, I love where it comes from.
- Julietta Parodi: I think you're pulling my foot.
- Tom Ferris: You mean, your leg--and I'd love to.
- Julietta Parodi: He can't be that much of a monster.
- Tom Ferris: He can't, huh? Then why does he sleep in a coffin?
- Julietta Parodi: Oh, stop.
- Tom Ferris: I mean it. When he orders a Bloody Mary, it's the real thing.
- Julietta Parodi: Captain Phillips. He's awfully sweet, but...
- Tom Ferris: But you've got to go!
- Julietta Parodi: Not with busy-fingers Phillips.
- Julietta Parodi: Oh, Tank, Tank. You--you haven't changed a bit. You and--and Cary Grant.
- Tom Ferris: If he only had my charm.
- Tom Ferris: Forty-two below zero. I'm up there beating my shorts with a stick, while you're down here cuddling up with this aging white poacher!
- Tom Ferris: I've been having an affair with a little black book, sir. It's about time I had one with my wife!
- Julietta Parodi: Put your bottle on the table.
- 'Tank' Martin: If he puts the girl on the table.
- Tom Ferris: If you put the cigars on the table.
- Julietta Parodi: All right. All right.
- Tom Ferris: You know what you are? You're pathetic. You got to knock off every female in sight just to prove you're not over the hill.