Suppose They Gave a War and Nobody Came

This comedy could easily have slipped into a Kelly's Heroes-style parody of the US military, and it's climactic chase scene teeters on the edge at times. But there's no discounting the intelligence at work here: the screenplay is unusually well written, making subtle points about the Vietnam War, racism, and sexism without alienating the audience with dogma. There are especially fine performances by Brian Keith and Ivan Dixon here, a restrained turn from Tony Curtis, and a reminder of the untapped talents of Suzanne Pleshette. A pleasant surprise.

It's hard to sink low in Hollywood, but one way is to lead people on that you are making some sort of "profound" anti-war, anti-racism message movie, only to produce a really shallow, laughable at, not with, military comedy. Since they used a then popular antiwar slogan as the title and had a "long haired" soldier walk down the road with a peace sign painted on his duffel bag, it is really insulting that this movie, made during the height of the Vietnam War and protests, DIDN'T EVEN mention the war. OK, they DID, sort of, when Brian Keith told a story about one his men who got shot their in 1956??(Did he transfer from the French Army?) It acted like this was just a peacetime military base with a minor social, public relations problem with their local redneck civilian community. It was set in the South, but the architecture and landscape suggested, guess, Southern California.

It also tried to play up the racial angle, which it did a tad more successfully than the anti-war angle, only to submerge it into the townies versus the garrison plot element. It had a pretty good cast, except for some sloppy brat pack boozy acting by Tony Curtis. Even some of the dialog was good. But when you add the childish mash up scene at the end along with the cheap pseudo messaging in the movie's theme, it is a real dud. It is like an (almost) adult version of McHale's Navy, except McHale is playing one of Captain Binghampton's enforcers; the stock redneck Southern sheriff.

"Suppose They Gave a War and Nobody Came" (1970) is a comedy/drama that details events in remote southern Arizona when militarists at an Army base (Tony Curtis, Brian Keith, Bradford Dillman & Ivan Dixon) conflict with the authorities of the nearby town (e.g. Earnest Borgnine) eventually leading to all hell breaking loose when a couple of disenchanted soldiers steal a tank.

This is a dialogue-driven dramedy stuffed with understated witticisms hidden within the verbiage; so I suggest using the subtitles to catch 'em all. The highlight is the great cast, but curvy cutie Suzanne Pleshette isn't used enough. An additional attraction is that this is a great way to go back in time and observe American society in 1969 (when the film was shot).

The producers were shooting for the tone of the contemporaneous "Kelly's Heroes" transplanted to late 60's America. Unfortunately, the script needed a rewrite to flesh out more entertaining prospects. It's a flat viewing experience as is. Eastwood's "Heartbreak Ridge" took elements of it and made a better flick. Not that "Heartbreak" is great or anything, but it's superior to this.

The film runs 1 hour, 53 minutes and was shot at Fort Huachuca, Arizona, with some scenes done at Warner Brothers Studios, S. Cal. Don Amech and John Fiedler also appear.

GRADE: C

I saw this film in 1970 as a sneak preview at the Shores Theater in Miami Shores, Florida. My dad had been an infantry sergeant and was awarded a Silver Star Medal in World War II. He liked the film only because it had some of the actors he liked, Tony Curtis and Brian Keith among others. We both agreed the movie couldn't figure out what it wanted to be, a comedy or a serious film. We assumed it was not only an anti-war film, but an anti everything film. Most of the main characters were far from likeable and it seemed everyone was angry, embittered, sarcastic, anti social and bigoted. Only interesting if you're a big enough fan of the cast, not much else.

Over the years, Hollywood has made some very good comedies about the military or set in military service. But, this is not one of them. It has to be near the bottom of the heap. What there is of a plot seems to be a few days in the lives of three career GI buddies, who are together again in a stateside base around 1970. That's when the movie was made, and when the U.S. was in the height of the war in Vietnam. Other reviewers have noted the absence of any awareness of a war going on among the characters of this film. One of the three leads in this film, Sergeant Shannon Gambroni, is a major foul-up. None of the roles are very good, so Tony Curtis can't be blamed too much for his poor portrayal of an unbelievable character. Oh, we had people like Gambroni in the Army, but they never made sergeant – or, if they did, they didn't keep their stripes very long.

This isn't a satire, and it's not a slapstick comedy. There is little more than a few clichés for humorous lines – nothing really witty about the film. The climax is the theft of some kind of a vehicle they call a tank. The feuding between the military and the local sheriff just doesn't come off as genuine, or comic. It reminded me of another film, the 1984 movie 'Tank" that starred James Garner. It wasn't a comedy, but had the best tank chase ever put on film. By the end of that movie, everyone was rooting for Garner and his tank.

So, in scratching "Suppose They Gave a War and Nobody Came," I can recommend a number of very funny and very good military comedies. Before and during WW II, But Abbott and Lou Costello donned various service uniforms for some laughs. Other actors got in the act, parodying military life. In 1958, Andy Griffith and Nick Adams starred in "No Time for Sergeants," and introduced foul balls who couldn't do anything right. Two Navy comedies were made about service in the backwaters during the war. "Mr. Roberts" in 1955 starred Henry Fonda, James Cagney and Jack Lemmon. Cary Grant and Tony Curtis starred in the 1959 Navy comedy, "Operation Petticoat."

Well into the Cold War, and U.S. involvement in Vietnam, American comedies about the military took on a different look. The slapstick and buffoonery were mostly replaced by satire and military irreverence. This led to some excellent films. "Dr. Strangelove," in 1964 starred Peter Sellers and a stellar cast. "MASH" in 1970 mixed the satire with drama and some crazy antics in a look back on the Korean War (then called a "conflict"). It starred Donald Sutherland and Elliott Gould. "Kelly's Heroes" in 1970 had GIs in WW II going after gold in a German bank. The leaders were Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles and Donald Sutherland. A 1999 film would reprise that theme at the end of the Persian Gulf War. George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg starred in "Three Kings."

In 1981, a hilarious satire reintroduced some antics. "Stripes" had Bill Murray, John Candy and Harold Raimis as Army misfits with brains. "Good Morning, Vietnam" came out in 1987. It was a powerful comedy satire and drama about that war, starring Robin Williams. There are many more military comedies, but these are some of the best that will give movie buffs some excellent entertainment in place of duds like "Suppose They Gave a War."