Captain Apache

At first when accidentally stumbling upon "Captain Apache" on late night TV and knowing absolutely nothing about it, I derived it would be a story similar to the one told in "A Man Called Horse" (and thus also a predecessor to "Dances with Wolves") and revolving on a white man fighting alongside the oppressed Indians. What else do you expect from a film with a title like that? It quickly becomes obvious this isn't the case, and the titular Captain (the almighty Lee Van Cleef), is simply an eccentric loner but a genuine Indian. He works as an Army officer, but none of the white cowboy-machos respect him because he's a "Redass" and the Indians don't trust him because he does a white man's job. He even has to remove his uniform whilst talking to the Indians, resulting in a shameless and gratuitous naked Van Cleef scene. The whole movie searches for the meaning of the words "April Morning", and the dialogs in the script make damn sure you don't forget them as they're repeated approximately every 7,5 seconds. April and Morning were the last words of a dying officer and they are believed to have an important significance. Captain Apache investigates and quickly becomes entangled in a large-scaled conspiracy of Mexican gun smugglers, quality prostitutes, corrupt army commanders and … genuine witches! The plot is often needlessly convoluted and I easily admit I didn't bother to comprehend everything, especially because the basic premise is rudimentary simple and actually gets revealed already in the two-line plot synopsis here on this site. How absurd is that? Throughout the whole film the words "April Morning" bathes in an aura of mystery and their meaning is successfully kept secret until five minutes before the ending, yet around here the whole film is bluntly summarized in two sentences. "Captain Apache" is overall very forgettable, but it does feature a couple of brilliantly comical moments (Van Cleef's drinking contest with the freaky twin bodyguards or his acid trip inside the witches' cavern), some decent shootouts and – not to forget – two songs sung by no less than Lee Van Cleef himself. This is the only time Lee was ever credited as a singer and that trivia aspect alone makes "Captain Apache" a curious must-see for fans of Euro-westerns. The presence of cult-siren Carroll Baker ("Baba Yaga", "Knife of Ice", "Bad", "Cyclone"…) as every male character's love interest is another good reason for avid cult fanatics to track down this nonetheless mediocre film.

One of my favorite Van Cleef spaghetti westerns--more TV-show in look than a feature film and Van Cleef goes against type. I'm not surprised that everyone here dislikes it. The movie is definitely an acquired taste. I saw it during its theatrical run and wish I could find a decent print on DVD. TNT used to run it, I hope the western channel airs it someday. The very funny script is a non-stop barrage of one-liners but played so totally straight and dry by everyone, Van Cleef, Whitman, Carroll Baker, that it works. I've read that the cast had a good time making Apache. The twanging guitar soundtrack is terrific--totally unlike the music composed for most Euro-westerns. I'd love to buy the soundtrack CD.

"Ah aha aha ahaaaa - they call him Captain Apache".

"Well any film that provides you with an opportunity to hear Lee Van Cleef singing not just once, but twice has got to be worth a viewing" I thought to myself. "I'm sure it can't be as bad as I've been told". Well in truth it IS that bad. But it doesn't make it unwatchable! Lee Van Cleef plays an Apache Captain within the Army that is sent to investigate the murder of a Commissioner, and discover the meaning of the dying man's last words "April Morning".

It plays like a murder mystery in a western setting, with numerous characters introduced throughout that appear to have heard the phrase "April Morning", but are either attempting to solve the riddle themselves, or are shot before they can speak. These include gunrunner Griffin (Stuart Whitman), the blonde temptress Maude (Caroll Baker) and the equally teasing Rosita (Elisa Montes). And from a plot perspective, that is pretty much it (well, without solving the mystery that is!). Yes, it sounds very simple, but in actual fact the story is quite convoluted.

The soundtrack is hysterical - the title track in particular being so bad that you just love it - with Lee Van Cleef narrating to a tune so catchy that it would put professional purveyors of pop to shame! And you still get his rendition "April Morning" at the end of the film to look forward to.

Whilst it is quite poor Spaghetti Western fare, and a perfect example of the deterioration of the genre during the seventies, it does have three main factors that make it quite watchable :

1 - Lee Van Cleef himself - although this is a real LVC by numbers effort, the man has a screen presence that can rescue even the worst of films.

2 - The afore-mentioned theme tune.

3 - Caroll Baker and Elisa Montes (thats just the male hormones working! And anyway ladies, you get the bonus of a near naked Lee Van Cleef, so no accusing me of gawping!).

Aside from this, there are some really good moments (Captain Apache insulting the two twins, the death of the Mexican General (played by Jose Bodalo) and a handful of other scenes that I chuckled at at the time but have since left my mind). At times the editing between scenes was quite poor (at one point jumping from Captain Apache in bed with Maude, to them discovering the hanging body of the key witness). Well hung!

Don't let me put you off watching it, because it is an example of a film being so bad its good. I would never have imagined however that Lee Van Cleef crooning would be the highlight of a film!

Western star Lee Van Cleef is cast here in the title role, an Indian (!) officer in the Union Army. Clean shaven, wearing a toupee, and caked under more makeup than usual, Van Cleef is on the case when an Indian agent (Luis Induni) is killed. The agents' dying words are "April morning", and Van Cleef must solve the mystery behind this phrase. Among the characters he encounters are Griffin (Stuart Whitman), a gun runner, Griffins' fiancée Maude (ever lovely Carroll Baker), and a pair of thugs, Moon (Percy Herbert) & Snake (Tony Vogel).

The prospect of Van Cleef playing an Indian is the main drawing card of this decent enough but unremarkable film. It's adequately directed by Alexander Singer, a veteran of mostly TV, and scored well enough, by Dolores Claman, but it's also choppily edited, and the story (based on a novel by S.E. Whitman), isn't told in a particularly interesting way (despite the presence of top screenwriter Philip Yordan). What does help, to a degree, is a certain irreverence at times, and vivid location shooting in Spain. More squeamish viewers may appreciate the fact that it's violent without being particularly gory.

The mostly European cast is entertaining enough to watch. Whitman and Baker are fine, but "Captain Apache" is first and foremost a Van Cleef vehicle. He offers a typically stylish and charismatic performance, and, in one hilariously absurd scene, must suck in his gut when he's made to disrobe in front of an Indian chief.

Unmemorable overall, but it's still recommended if one is a fan of the star.

Six out of 10.

Produced by America and Spain, this stars Lee Van Cleef as a Union Army... Apache Captain (!) He's out to discover the meaning behind "April Morning" , a dying agent's last words. With very few leads, he starts a tense alliance with a corrupt gun-runner named Griffin (Stuart Whitman), but finds he'll have to work quicker if he's to find out information as his contacts have a rather annoying habit of dying - and just before they tell him as well. The film also stars Carroll Baker (Giant, The Big Country) and Percy Herbert, a bit-part Brit-actor who featured in "Mutiny on the Bounty" (1962) and a couple of "Carry On..." films.

The action scenes here work well, and the humour (mostly intentional) is fairly amusing. Many of the scenes are filled with tension - and the mystery of April Morning is played out well enough to sustain interest and keep you gripped right 'till the end. The music is hardly in the traditional style most westerns follow, although saying that the soundtrack is fine as it includes the novelty of hearing Van Cleef sing "Captain Apache" and "April Morning" with whom, if the lyrics are to be believed, he apparently has a date.

I found this film really enjoyable and very entertaining. After viewing it, I can't get the title song out of my head, although that's most likely a negative point. With the right amount of action and suspense, and a dollop of good humour, this is a movie for little boys of all ages. Recommended.