The Swiss Conspiracy

This movie was paced so slowly that even snails would be saying "Hello, I'd like to get there sometime today!" The best part of the movie is where this chef in a restaurant goes after someone with a cleaver. After that it goes downhill from there. So yeah, there's a conspiracy to forward the cause of bad films everywhere. I had to watch the ending a couple of times because I kept nodding off. If you are suffering from insomnia, pop this movie in and start watching it. It worked so well,that I almost got fired for sleeping on the job. If you want to see a better movie starring David Janssen, go watch Moon of the Wolf. In fact, the only reason I saw this movie was because it was on a DVD with Moon of the Wolf. It was in a bargain bin at a Walgreens near where I work. The sticker price was one dollar. It was one of those DVD's that are out there that are packaged in one of those slim jewel cases, and the DVD is double sided (a movie on both sides). Although I was surprised to see that Ray Milland starred in this movie. If you want to see a Ray Milland movie that's better, go watch Frogs. It has him and Sam Elliot.

David Janssen is an ex-U.S. treasury agent who finds himself involved in "The Swiss Conspiracy," a 1976 film that boasts a large array of old stars and actors: John Ireland, Ray Milland, Elke Sommer, John Saxon and Curt Lowens, plus the beautiful Senta Berger and a European cast. Janssen is David Christopher, who is asked to help a Swiss bank whose clients are being blackmailed with exposure of their numbered accounts. The stakes get higher when two of the victims are killed.

Words fail me but I'll go on anyway. First of all, this movie looks like it was transferred to DVD illegally - it even skips at one point with Janssen mouthing non-existent dialogue. The quality of the film is very grainy, and it looks like the movie was cut, too.

The film was made 5 years before David Janssen died, and he looks like he's going to succumb either during the film or the day after it wraps. If there was ever a tired, worn out actor, he's it. Ray Milland also looks to be at death's door. Did Bela Lugosi's makeup man do the makeup for this, or did they just go straight to a mortician? John Saxon turns in one of the worst performances I've ever seen, and that's saying something - I've seen Sonny Tufts in movies. An embarrassment of a New York accent to go with an awful performance.

The story isn't bad but by the time the movie is over, you're past caring. The scenery is gorgeous, however. There is one hilarious moment. One of the characters falls off of a huge cliff. Well, obviously, they used a dummy. When it hit the ground it bounced into the air - WAY into the air before landing someplace else. What I like best is that they left it in the movie. It made it almost worth watching.

Possibly this was made for television though for what country, I don't know. Maybe they dubbed it and it was shown in Europe. It really looks made on the cheap and like these actors worked for lunch and a cot.

Right off the bat, this (mostly) entertaining, glamour/glossy, visually appealing 70s Euro-thriller has a wealth of awesome Euro-cult credentials! Ably directed by B-Scion, Jack Arnold, and thrillingly framed against the alpine splendour of Switzerland, The Swiss Conspiracy is additionally bejewelled by some hefty thesping talent. Aggrieved clients of a highfalutin Swiss bank are being blackmailed, and sleepy/gruff alpha dude David Janssen is tasked to sleepily unmask these shady perpetrators. Like its somnolent star, the plot isn't exceptionally rigorous, yet the dazzling exterior locations are sublime, and the charismatic supporting cast provides a welcome distraction from the frequently undernourished text. My only gripe, and it is only a gripe-let, I feel that David Hess was greatly underused as a disposable rent-a-thug. That being said, scintillating siren, Senta Berger is distractingly luminous, and German music maestro Klaus Doldinger's inhumanly funky score is a real banger!

On the surface, "The Swiss Conspiracy" seems to have a lot going for it. It has a good cast (including David Janssen, John Saxon, John Ireland, and Ray Milland.) It was also completely filmed in Switzerland, a country you don't often see in a movie. Also, the plot, concerning the secretive world of Swiss bank, seems fresher than usual. Unfortunately, the end results simply don't work. The movie is extremely talky, with precious little action to enliven things up. What little action there is is also not that well constructed, coming across as humdrum as those talky parts. And while the cast may be made of professionals, the performances aren't that interesting - maybe the actors sensed they were in a bomb and decided not to make any effort. About all the movie has going for it are some scenic Swiss locations.

THE SWISS CONSPIRACY was advertised as "the ultimate blackmail thriller", and while it's too far from reaching top-notch status, it is a stylish piece of 70s intrigue from across the Atlantic. A B-movie running on overdrive is what you may hardly ever believe, but there is some attention worth grabbing on the action parts that flow at a solid pace, and can provide a few nifty surprises. Just try not to expect plenty of spectacular stunts from a flick like this, although the exotic sports cars are worth a look. If there are certain B-movie stars you can recognize, look for John Saxon in a convincing, but unfortunately brief role of a crook, plus international film starlets Senta Berger and Elke Sommer. And don't forget our major eye David Janssen, who's trying to get things straight with lovely Berger on his wing. A pretty good minor crime classic that delivers a slightly different beat of an ending.